Theo Von: Making Love to a Cheetah - Joe Rogan

Yeah, those are the old days man. Yeah, we used to have a guy. I remember they had a guy who chiseled some tits into a um Land of pine tree maybe a birch or something and people we go out there and jerk off on the tits Well, they're not good. No jerk off at the base of the tree. I think he used like a step stool or something Or something on a barrel. That's when you found all the magazines in the woods Oh, yeah, we step that but sometimes you go out by the tree and somebody would be using the tree like oh fuck I got a walk back home now It's a hundred percent real you're making this up you have photographs this tree no, why not Do you know where it is? Could you take us back there with the film crew? I could get back there with a film grab at it I bet it's it devolved now though Always a tree live go back there and touch the thing and all sudden you can't find your way back Where the fuck are we? Like it turns out that the tree got tired of people jerking off on it so it evolved some sort of a Neurotoxic chemical then when you touched it it got in your bloodstream and distorted your perception of distance and time. Yeah But do what if you would have come could divide they would have semen could defy gravity, what do you think about that? I don't but you know, I do think imagine if it wasn't If come didn't just get humans pregnant. Yeah That's what I think of imagine think of that from frogs to chickens I give everywhere you went you found God is dude fucked a turtle you found some turtle person You can't think about that man. You imagine if anything you get anything pregnant Yeah, a new combination was born turtle people to that's what's next koi people some dude fucked a koi Yeah, bust into that koi palm. They knocked that coin imagine you're out there throwing bread on your koi pond It has legs what the fuck man somebody fuck one of these fish On the shore it's got a sign for you Hey, baby, but dad to people see you people see you at the pet store shopping and they're like, whoa, this guy's shady He's imagine if Ari fucked it and it came out and we knew it because that Ari's nose Yeah, so it's like Ari's nose on a koi fish with legs and it comes out and you're like Ari what? What do you care? Your business I'm going to Bali. Can you imagine? Yeah, I'm gonna Gonna go find my my turtle babies on the other side of the world But if you had to make love to an animal, what would it be if you think you had to go in? Probably something I could brag about Yeah, I'm not fucking anything sedentary I'm not fucking anything that's like a basic something ends up in the poultry section or anything like that No beef have to be a female. What if you had gay sex with an animal? Which animal would it be? That's not gay to fucking animal bro. It's not I Don't think that applies to your fucking an animal. That's more important if it's a like a male gorilla I think it's both hot dude. I think a and bestiality nobody's gonna be like, oh man when you Are mean they're gonna go not only did he fuck a champ he fucked a male champ and everybody be like Jesus Theo Oh Bro you would never buy a beer again you put you want to break the internet you put a fucking video I mean sneaking up on a cheetah. Yeah and fucking it Well, yeah, I will wrap it a noose around its neck and you're banging it while it's clawing on you Trying to get away and you nut no I'm talking about putting on some Eddie Lavert or some Gerald Lavert and playing some sweet music and just fucking lay in there I do it. How you plan on holding it in place while that's all happening I think if you're good enough and gentle enough, it'll stay Wow, you don't think so think about you for a ten. Imagine it though. I love to look at the world to your eyes for ten minutes I think I take you right to the hospital Whatever medication we're on we gotta change it. We gotta fix this bro. You should meet yourself then, bro You are extraterrestrial