Joey Diaz "We've All MeToo'd Somebody" | Joe Rogan

So suck my dick. I'm going to go up there and give you 150 percent, but I'm going to go up there and try new shit. Last night I was talking about that we've all as men at one time or another, me too to somebody. That's how you learn not to be a me to her, is by me toing somebody one time and then you go, that wasn't right and then I'll never me to again. For me I was weird. It's a weird adjective. Oh and I started out with it. I opened up with it to really put myself in the fucking hole of debt. I might as well go up there with a clean cool. Is that an adverb? What is that? Me toing. Is it a verb? Yeah. If you me to somebody? That'd be an adverb, yeah. It's like a... Yeah. The only way you learn how to me to her is by me toing. You shoplift a candy when you were a kid, right? Yes. And your mother told you smack me and she goes, that's not right. Same thing with me toing. This LA is a fucking...me too was invented here. They fucked Marilyn Monroe to death. They fucked her to death. A vaginal thing looked like fucking...that fucking embassy in Tehran, whatever they bombed. What was that famous fatty Arbuckle case where there was a... This is just disgusting people out here. This is, you know, between the Bikram documentary. Did you see that one? I didn't see that, yeah. That filthy fucking animal. Young women that suck that fucking 90 degree weather, six yoga session dick. That's just cruelty to animals. You could put you in jail for just sucking that dick. You know, Harvey, all that shit happens here. But as us, as men, we've all met to somebody when you were a kid, by mistake. To me, I was in love with this lady named Faye. She was 37, had big juicy tits. She'd wear hot pants. I was about 14. I had never even seen a vagina. No titties, nothing. And we used to play basketball. Now, two dogs were blind. She had French Poodles and she had flip-flops and she crossed the street and she was so hot. She was 38 and she had a husband that was like 60. He would just barely be alive like that dude from Texas that was fucking... J Howard Marshall? And he would watch her because he knew he was sad because we were going to take her down. She had two daughters and the daughters were badass. One of my GloomBars dated one of the daughters. I never told them. I was on the... Every time I play basketball, Faye would come out and the game would just stop. And she turned for us and the sun would shine through her halt. Remember, halt the top of the week in the 70s and she had real yummy titties with the nipple sticking up. And it drove me crazy. I was 13, 14. I lived through that. I'd see her in the winter with pants on. She looked delicious. And finally, summer of fucking 79, I'm getting all fucked up with some friends of mine. We're drinking fucking nips. We snorted some Angel Dust. And we're listening to Led Zeppelin 2. If you're going to fuck anybody, Led Zeppelin 2 is the album to get you. It starts off with a whole lot of love. That just gets your hips moving. And then it goes into the Lemon song. He's talking about, squeeze me baby till the juice runs down my leg. I'm like, that's it. The juice is running down my leg. My mother was a flower chick. She had flowers everywhere. I put on like a shirt. I swear to God, it had to be about 10 because she would walk the dog at night. But the husband was... How old are you at the time? 15. The dog would sleep. The husband would pep ass out by eight. So she would take the dogs out for the 10 o'clock. The last, she would put them down and they were kind of blind French poodles. And she would still wear the fucking tighty-whities. You know, the dixie-doo. This is in the 70s before Daisy even was invented. She already had the daisy on with the shirt. And I remember being on that angel that was hiding in the weeds. Like fucking... And with the flowers, I had flowers for her. I was going to bring her flowers. But my plan was to attack her. Like just jump her in the thing, throw her down and get with the flowers. This is how crazy I was. You were going to attack her. Like I couldn't take it no more. Like I wanted to marry her. That's how fucked up I was. And you were on Angel Dust. And I was on Angel Dust. It was what I would tease. See, Chris, to call it what you want, it's animal tranquilizer. No matter how you look at it. And I remember that I ran up on her and she turned. And she goes, Coco, what's going on? I go, and I just stopped. And I go, Fay, I'm in love with you. And she's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, Fay, I've been in love with you for two years. I want to run off with you. Fuck my mother. I'm like, I just, let's get a job. Let's leave. Wow. She's looking at me like I was retarded. First off, she's looking at me like, this kid has fucking snapped. And she goes, you've been drinking. And I'm like, I still love you. Take the flowers. And she goes, I'll tell you what, if I divorce my husband, I'll consider it. And I was like, OK, I can live with that. Can I give you a kiss? And I kissed her on the cheek. And I could feel the heat going up my head. And finally, as I went to turn away, I looked at her legs. She had the juiciest legs in the world. I go, can I touch your thigh? And she goes, go ahead, Jorog. And I touch like her kneecap. And my dick just exploded. It's sperm. I ran away like Steven Seagal. You ever see Steven Seagal running? He runs like a fucking retard with that little limp. You ever see Steven Seagal run?