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Theo Von is a stand-up comic and podcaster. He is the host of "This Past Weekend with Theo Von." www.theovon.com
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Oh my god, I read TikTok's Terms of Service. I went down to TikTok rabbit hole yesterday. Yeah, it's good. I stayed home and smoked a little weed and I started reading up on TikTok. Yeah. Oh my god, I'm gonna read you this because this is so crazy. Is it good or bad? Bad. So what are you saying it's a bad place to be? Listen to this, this is from TikTok's privacy policy. Alright. We collect certain information about the device you use to access the platform, such as your IP address, user region. This is really crazy. User agent, mobile carrier, time zone settings, identifiers for advertising purpose, model of your device, the device system, network type, device IDs, your screen resolution and operating system, app and file names and types. So all your apps and all your file names, all the things you have filed away on your phone, they have access to that. File names and types, keystroke patterns or rhythms. So they're monitoring your keystrokes, which means they know every fucking thing you type. Wow. Battery state, audio settings and connected audio devices where you log in from multiple devices. We will be able to use your profile information to identify your activity across devices. We may also associate you with information collected from devices other than those you use to log into the platform. Meaning they can use other computers that you're not even using to log in to TikTok. They can suck the data off that. That's what you're agreeing to when you download and start using TikTok. That's wild. It's insane. My question would be, do you think they did that? They created TikTok just on purpose to have all that. A hundred percent. Wow. I think they saw that people are addicted to social media and they came up with the most addictive version of social media, which is TikTok. It's the most addictive by far. It's the best for sucking people in. My kids are fucking hook, line and sinker on that shit. I know a lot of other people who are hook, line and sinker to grown people. It's good. It's good. It starts playing things immediately. The moment you turn it on, it's like playing you a new thing. Playing you a new thing. You're like, eeee. You just sucked into it. All the while, it's monitoring your keystrokes, your audio settings. By audio settings, that means it has access to your microphone. That means it's listening to you right now. Just tell me how it ends, man. It ends with China having all of your data. If they develop a sort of digital currency, then what? Well, you're fucked. Oh, bad. Because if they ... Look, what's going on in China? Fuck, man. I don't know if you've seen this, but they pulled tanks in front of banks to stop people from fucking rioting because they just took all their money. Did you see all that? Mm-mm. Yeah. Did you see that shit? No. Oh my God. They have shut down people's accounts, and they're doing a social credit score system in China. Okay. And they have digital currency. Video of ... Video of tanks shows Chinese military exercise, not bank barricade. Yeah. China and the AP. But if you see what's going on over there with the digital currency, what they have is the ability to tell you you can't buy gas. Like, hey, Theo, we don't like the way you're living your life, so you're not going to be able to buy a plane ticket. China's a dump, man. I mean, there's cool people, and I like some of the food, but I think it just ... I don't know. I don't like the way they're doing it all. Any military exercise they're doing, when they're putting tanks in front of a bank, is intimidation at the very least. Do you think that people- Do you think that people even know what freedom is anymore? You think they're just so brainwashed? They've never had freedom like we have, so no. I mean, they weren't even capitalists for a long time, right? It was a communist country, and then they realized, you know what? In order to compete, we got to loosen this up a little bit and let some people get greedy and make a shitload of money. And that's what they did. They kind of have a hybrid of capitalism and communism, because in the old days, it was like the government would tell you what you do. The government would tell you what you get paid, and you just did what you had to do. You did what you were told. But what they do now is they allow people to get extraordinarily wealthy. So some people, they develop industries, they develop businesses, and they work in conjunction with the government. Every business that exists in China, say it's a tech business, you are an arm of the government. You're not independent from the government. Like that was the concern with Huawei. When they banned Huawei phones from being distributed in America, do you know about all that? I don't think so. It's not the gas station. No, that's Huawei, right? What is it? You're talking about flip phones? It's an H. No, they have super complex smartphones. Huawei, it starts with an H. Huawei, it's a... They had some amazing phones. Oh, Huawei. Huawei, okay. It was an H. Okay. And they had amazing phones that they were using... They had 100 megapixel digital cameras before anybody did, really high-end phones. But they also had network devices that were stealing data. Fancy. Yeah, well, they were using them as spy devices. All this shit that I was reading about TikTok, well, they have a similar situation with like their routers. So that's spying. So they're spying, basically. 100%. But what do they do once they have all this information? What's the end goal to having it all? Oh, yeah. As the FBI found Huawei equipment in Midwest could disrupt nuclear communications, CNN. And that is from yesterday. I'm going to send you this, Jamie. I'm going to send you some new thing. Hold on a second. Dang. This is really crazy. This is some shit that they found out with FBI director starts talking about... I'll send you this, Jamie. Hold on a second. The FBI director was talking about how bad the Chinese spying is on Americans. And he said it's bigger than every other country combined. Why do they want to spy on us, though? Because what? Because we are what? Intellectual properties, stealing all your data, stealing credit card numbers, stealing where you're going, tracking you, if you're criticizing the Chinese government, whatever the fuck your control. So say one day they could like... One day, would it be possible then if they take all this information that they could just like commandeer, say like a business's website, like Nike? For sure. Listen to this guy talk. Listen to this guy talk. Go full screen. Go full screen and then give me some volume. Biggest threat we face as a country from a counter-intelligence perspective is from the People's Republic of China and especially the Chinese Communist Party. No country presents a broader, more severe threat to our ideas, our innovation, our economic security than China. They are targeting our innovation, our trade secrets, our intellectual property on a scale that's unprecedented in history. They have a bigger hacking program than that of every other major nation combined. They have stolen more of Americans' personal and corporate data than every nation combined. What is the FBI doing about that? So the FBI is keenly focused on the China counter-intelligence threat. We are now moving at a pace where we're opening a new China counter-intelligence investigation about every 12 hours. Jesus Christ. Every 12 hours. So like say one day you could go to a website, right, to buy something, okay? And China has the information of the website. It has your information. I wonder if they could put their own website over it so you actually just buy it and they send it to you from China and they make the money and that company never even gets there. I'm sure they could do that. It would be even worse. How about this? Maybe you develop something. You develop some new innovative technology. But you develop it using an internet that's connected with Huawei devices or some other device that the Chinese government has infiltrated and put third-party access to. So they infiltrate all of your secrets and when you go to market they've already created it. So they already have put people to work building the thing that you have worked so hard to develop. They put engineers on it and they do it. So all of our intellectual property, all of our creative pursuits in terms of like innovation, they steal all that. And they just do, they build it over there. They have Apple stores in China that have nothing to do with Apple. Everything's counterfeit. Oh dude, one time I went to the Starbucks one time in Jamaica, right? Somebody had, we went in there and they, somebody had just stolen a Starbucks sign and put it up outside of this place. So we go in and the guy's like, welcome to the Starbucks lounge. He's like, can I get you a smoothie? That was in Jamaica? Yeah dude. So it was just, he just had a Starbucks sign. Yeah, it was like a smoothie shop dude. It was so ridiculous, bro. Other countries have like totally different rules in terms of what you can get away with and what you can't. And China's rules are wild. You know, they have versions of world cities that they've built replicas of in China. Like they have a version of Paris. Have you seen that? Google Chinese version of Paris. Because they have the kind of money they have in China and because they have like free reign to do whatever the fuck they want, they've literally built cities that they don't even use. Oh, I wonder if, what are you wondering? I'm trying to think what I'm wondering. Look at this. Eiffel Tower left is one of Paris most iconic landmarks. The second largest replica in the world can be found in, boy say that word. Tian Du Cheng. After the Paris Las Vegas hotel in Nevada. Look at that one on the right. That is a fake Eiffel Tower. It looks exactly like it. But it's in China. But that's just like us just. But look, they build the buildings. Do you have to sign in for this shit? Everything's like that. But look, they made all the different buildings there. That's what's wild. Like they've recreated everything. They recreated, look at that. I mean, that is fucking wild. They recreate the building on the corner. They recreated all this shit. Look at that. It's in China. That's a replica. It's a huge replica of Paris. They've literally reproduced Paris. We do. One thing that's wild about China, you ride on the trains and sometimes they have these buildings and they're just, they built them but there's no windows. They're just completely abandoned. But they're huge high rises just everywhere. There's nothing in them. Yeah, exactly. It's the same thing. That's what we're talking about. They have the ability to do stuff like that that we just don't have. What do they do if somebody dies over there? Do they bury them or they don't care? I don't know. I mean, they can definitely make you disappear over there.