4 years ago
Chris D'Elia is an actor, writer, and comedian. His new special "Man On Fire" is available now on Netflix, and he also has a podcast called Congratulations available to download via iTunes.
If you, I think if you, like, any age is funny, the shitting yourself is funny. Yeah, except when you're really old and it's sad. No, but what I'm saying is if you're 80 and you heard that story you'd still laugh. Yes. Not if it happened to you when you were 85. If it happened to you when you're 80, especially if you're a lady. Like if I'm an 85 year old man and I shit myself, feel free to laugh at me. Sure. It's okay. Yeah, but old ladies it's like, oh. The last time, I've only shit myself once and I was, I think, 11. What? Yes. You're not taking enough chances. I've almost shit myself and just made it so many times. But the last time I almost shit myself and I had to pull over and was when I was going to meet Eminem. Yeah. Imagine if you came over his house smelling like shit with no underwear on. You're going to take your underwear off and throw it and then you have to figure out what to do so that you take your socks off. You wipe yourself down. Why is this guy not wearing socks? Then why does he smell like shit? And so I was in this, the Sprinter van and we were going, you know, I was on tour so I had the Sprinter van and we were going to the ... How did that whole thing happen? Because you were making fun of him and so he thought it was funny. Right. So I was at my old house, this was maybe two years ago at this point and I was in the driveway. I don't remember what I was doing but I was waiting for something. And it had been right around the time where Eminem's album came out or something so he was on my mind and I was like, I was thinking about him and then I was just like, this is how he raps. And then I just started doing it to the radio and then I was like, oh this is funny, I'm going to record it. And then I recorded it one time and I was just like, oh that's funny, I'll put it online. I put it online and it got traction for me. It was like, it had a lot of hits for me on my Instagram and I was like, cool, great. And then like a month later, Black Twitter took it and just was like, yo, this guy says this is how ... They didn't know, nobody knew who I was but they were like, this guy says this is how Eminem raps. And then it got millions of things, of hits on Twitter. And then it got so big, my buddies were like, you think Eminem has probably seen it, right? And I was like, it's so big, maybe? One of his buddies must have seen it and showed him. And then like a week or two later, my buddy texted me, one of the writers from that show I used to do on Dateable, and he was like, bro, Eminem. And I was like, what? And he was like, you didn't see? Checked Twitter and I checked. And then he was like, I thought this was me. And I was like, what? If you told the 20-year-old me that Eminem was going to ... And then he started being like, I will rap battle Chris D'Elia one day. I don't know if you saw that. No, I didn't see that. Yeah. He was like, I'm going to rap battle Chris D'Elia one day. And I'm like, am I in the hip hop game now? And then, I don't know how much you know about this, but then Logic, the rapper, hit me up. Oh, my manager called me and he was like, hey, so look. You know who Logic is. Who's your manager? Every manager has that voice. So, look. Josh Lieberman. So, I don't know if you know the Logic rapper, and I was like, of course I do. And he was like, all right, so look, he's doing a song on Eminem, and they are rapping together. And Eminem put your impression of Eminem on the back of the song. And they're wondering if that's okay. And I was like, of course that's okay. And he was like, all right, I'm going to look into it and see. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Don't ask for any money. Just let him have it. Are you kidding me that this is even happening? And he was like, okay, I'll know. Okay. And so then, he calls me back. He's like, Logic wants your number. And I was like, yeah, okay. So I'm talking to Logic, and Logic's like, so I have a great idea for the video. I want you to play Eminem in this video. Have you seen this video? No. No, I wish we could play it on the fuck, but we can't. I know. If you're listening, everyone Google it. But we're looking at it on the screen. Yeah. Oh yeah, you can see it, right? But not play it. So I'm playing Eminem in this video. I rap his part. And now this is the crazy part. Okay. So like, I'm talking to Logic here. And I play this like super fan of Eminem and he's like, I have an idea. I want, we're doing a video. And I'm like, I'm way ahead of you. This is way ahead of you. And then I take off my wig and I've always been in Eminem's like, stand. And this is me doing, you got to watch this video. So I'm doing this video as Eminem, right? And we shoot this. And then at the end, you see in the video where I do the impression of Eminem. At the end, Delia doesn't play me. I play Delia. This is Eminem dressed as me. That's Eminem doing me in my car, in my driveway two years ago. That's ridiculous. Oh, that's hilarious. But so, and like to think of me as a 20 year old, like thinking, like finding out who Eminem was, and then him becoming one of my favorite rappers, of course. And then it's just such a weird fucking thing. So that was mind blowing. And then on the way to meet him, I shit my fucking, I had to pull the Sprinter van over and he has no idea, but dude, it was so funny. It was just one of those things where I was like, I think, you know how you're like, I think I have to shit. And the next thought is I got to shit right now. Right now. Do you know what I mean? Like there's no thinking involved. It's like, oh, it turned into, uh oh, exactly. Right. The clinch. So I say to the Sprinter, to the driver, I say, hey buddy, can you pull off the free way I got to, in my head, I'm like, I got time if there's a bathroom near. Right. So I'm like, uh, can you pull over, uh, and, and, and find the first place I got to go to the bathroom? And he says, okay. And then a few seconds go by and I say, Hey, just so you know, uh, like now, you know, and cause I got, I'm working on something here. I got, I really got it wrong. And he says, sure. No problem. So he pulls off and, and there are two ways he can go. And one way he can go, there is only a hospital. Okay. And the other way he can go is into town. So I'm like, in my head, I'm like, it sucks, but we got to go to the hospital and I got to use the bathroom in the hospital and I'm going to run in there. I'm going to think something's wrong, but I'm just gonna be like, where's the bathroom? I got to go. This guy goes the other way into town to find a gas station. So now I'm mad. So I have to shit and I'm mad. So I said to the guy, Hey man, um, pull over and he pulls over and I opened the thing and there were Kleenex there. I grabbed them and I ran into someone's yard. It was in the middle of nowhere, dude. It was in, we were on our way to Detroit and I, and, um, and I was in someone's yard. I found trees. Thank God. Pulled down my pants and it all came out quick. And it was diarrhea. Was it shit? It was not, it was not shit. It was not shit. It was just, it came out, it was just like, right. Came out like a barking dog and it was over. It was over before it even started, you know? And, uh, and I was, I know I felt so much better and then I used the Kleenex and my openers in the, in the, in the thing filming me. I'm like, bro, I swear to God. If that ends up on, on, on Instagram, I will fucking, you're done. You're done. You're done. And not only that, you're not meeting Eminem. I'm screaming shit in someone's yard. Hey, you're not meeting Eminem if you post that. Just in some random guy's yard. And, uh, and so, so now, uh, I, I feel great. I wipe with the Kleenex and I just, I'm, I'm sorry, I littered, but I left the Kleenex so what am I going to do? What are you going to do? And it was, it was a, a lot. And I was like, and I, and I left and I got back into the thing. I was like, that was amazing. I was like, somebody's going to think there was a fucking Bobcat in their yard. Like I just, and we went and we met Eminem and he had no idea. Maybe he'll know now. I'm sure he's seen this show, but yeah, I shut myself on the way to fucking Eminem. So I don't really count that as shitting myself. You know what I mean? Cause I got outside and did it. Yeah. It's a gray area.