Joe Rogan & Chris D'Elia ROAST Bryan Callen for Looking Like Magneto

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Chris D'Elia

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Chris D'Elia is an actor, writer, and comedian. His new special "Man On Fire" is available now on Netflix, and he also has a podcast called Congratulations available to download via iTunes.

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Yeah, it's Callan. All right. Is he should be on his way? Yeah, he's on his way. I mean get here This fucking guy now. I know when he said like we set it up for him to get tested too when he said yeah Yeah, yeah, I think I could be there What does that mean? Are you coming or not? I think so like the things though like you you get shit to do by the way Nobody has shit to do right now. Yeah, you get shit to do he was driving to nowhere Where the fuck was he driving? Where is he driving? If he's not doing a podcast today, he doesn't have shit to do and I don't think he's doing a podcast today He's got How many podcasts does he have now one two? Yeah 80 podcasts. He there was a time we had a lot Yeah, we had we had like a lot and like the one of them was like the intellectual one and I was like a man Drop that one. Yeah, what they call it Mixed mental art. That's it Dude Mental arts How many episodes however many episodes are where they were that was that many too that that too many that many too many The conversations weren't bad, but the title had to go. I don't know. I never I never listen possible. Yeah impossible you can't do mixed Mental arts. Yeah, something like that. It might have been worse than that. I might be blacking out. I think it was that That's over He's the only guy I know with a TV show that's hoping it gets canceled so funny. He's like I can't do this I don't want to do this anymore. I'm like I told you he sent me a video a few weeks ago and he was like Worked my whole life as an actor He had on like a fucking iron man thing and it like a thing that was blinking and because he was dressed for the scene And he was like, this is my life man, and it was a rock. Let's see if I got fucking fine He was like he hates it. I think it's so boring. He was the people are great I love working with these people thing is boring and it takes so much time I'd rather just to stand up the thing is is just here it is Give it your airdrop on I can send it to you so you can play it Who knows what he says if it's okay? We can cut it out if it's bad. What is he saying something bad? I don't think it's a trouble for I don't think so Airdrop young Jamie's here we go. I Sent it to both of them But he is a fucking he's hysterical man, I don't know anyone like him dude He is the only guy one time this is this is how he is just so you know everybody who's listening One of one of our best friends. Yeah, right sure we talk a lot of shit cuz it's fun, but he He'd be there in 20 minutes great We were at dinner with the friends that it was sasso was there other guys that we knew for a while and and a few Of them had never seen me do stand-up and we were at dinner, and I was like I gotta leave guys I got a I got a set at the calm at the comedy store And they were like oh you do well When do you go on and I was like well? I gotta get there early because I you know I don't want to be late for the spot But as long as you get there by whatever 930 come on by and you're like oh cool We'll all come so I go I go I tell the door guys I was like my buddies are coming sasso can be there You know who he is let him in with a crew and can't also account was gonna be there so So I I get on just like oh yeah I said they may come when I'm going on stage whatever let him in so I get on stage do my set and Like that's cool. My friends are here. You know get off stage, and I say hey Where'd you see my friends and they said they never came and I said what? So I called will sasso and I was like hey will did you guys come and he was like Brian said you were going to the Improv instead and I said what and I called because he's at the improv So you know Brian so that's how I know you're good friends with Brian So I called Brian and I'm pissed. I'm like these motherfuckers wanted to why would you do this? They wanted to see me they'd never see me to stand up like it's fun for me like it's fun for me to do It for them. It's fun for them to see and I call Brian I'm ready to get heated at him Just be like what though cuz this motherfucker had to set it to the improv and even fucking mention you probably forgot and they were Like where are you he's like come on to the improv right so he stole the time from me, right? So I call and I'm heated. I'm gonna yell at him right and he picks up the phone and before I can even talk he says You ruined the night And I said what and he was said We're at the fucking improv dude come on over and I was like you motherfucker and he was like nah They don't want to watch you they're gonna watch me. I Had to respect it. Do you know what I mean? Well, that's a good approach if you're gonna do something like that just go on the offensive right away. It's a great. Yeah Yeah, you don't you don't want to be no. Oh, do you know I Didn't know in the news. Yeah. Yeah. Whoops. You gotta love him man Yeah, you gotta love him that guy is just a mile a minute and he is insane he's He's way more calm now than when he was younger when he was like 30 years old couldn't imagine He would he always had these girls that were useless They were they were like runaways and they were stealing from him there They would stay in his house. It was like some new girls stay in his house. Like what are you doing? What are you doing? It was always a mess. So one time I remember he came over my house and We're gonna have dinner and we're gonna watch something like a fight or something. He came over my house He was over my house for 10 minutes and he goes. I got a party. I have to go to but I'll be back I'm like, what are you doing? You came over for 10 minutes? Did you tell two different people that you're going over? How you look? Of course he did I might have I go Well, just tell them to go fuck off. Yeah, but it was like I think it was like something where I was like some producer Guy who was hoping was gonna like put him in something and like sure he was literally over my house for 10 minutes unbelievable this fucking guy Look at look at him You know what he looks like pauses, you know, he looks like who's that old Ian McClellan from the X-men we played Magne. Yes. Yeah, you fuck get get a photo of Ian McClellan as magneto How does he look gayer than Ian McClellan in the fucking thing? He does look gayer. He looks he's gay Isn't he he's real gay and he's real old and Brian looks older and gayer Give me it. I need an image quickly Oh Wow, right there right there. That's it. That's that's Calvin. That's Calvin. That's younger straighter Calvin Yeah, it's younger and less gay. Look at that go back to count. Thank you Nailed it That's the end McKellen look at the whole look at each other for when he comes in here in 10 minutes what he gets here That's the look of Please please And just say Calvin guess what we were talking about I Love fucking making fun of friends Some shit the lighting it's working on the set makes them old. Oh god news. Yeah, and Is he here? Me to bright stop. He's probably talking to the seals. He gets to the security guys and start telling war stories What are you telling those guys you line shut the door bro Get in here we're doing a one American news network, bro Let me ask you a question talking about my dad was toast for the fast 45 minutes was explaining China to me So how did you get it's amazing? It's amazing that you got boring already This is how we always should have been job bully. No, don't let him bully you. How did you know? How did you not know? Okay, so don't but how old are you? I'm in my 40s. There you go older and gayer than Ian McClellan. He's older and gayer than That's a shitty lens I have My faces and how sharp my nose is not listen look older and I was holding water I'd eaten a lot of cheese probably night you look like him looking at you and he's saying how are you older and gayer than me? He's biting his lower lip thinking of sucking your car. Oh, yeah, I met him And what I went backstage I was in college One man Shakespeare show you this ends in tears, right? This story ends in tears Listen I want to say one thing before we start. Okay, please. Okay, cool. And this is important. Okay. I just want to say Please don't be shitty. Okay. I'm not gonna be shitty. I just want to say this is from the heart. Okay, but be nice I'm being nice. I'm sorry proud because it sounds like you're setting something up backwards. No, no, this is your special Yes, my special is released. Yes. No pain. So to me, it's just so satisfying to watch my I Don't see how this is not gonna be shitty Okay, so all right it just in the sense that my my comedy child if you will Me in a way the way they're just because you saw them for me And so to watch you watch me and then to take me and then to even expand it now Okay, so you're saying I'm like McDonald's is what you're saying you said that right? And that's and it's good to see who you are right so you're a pop comic, right Who has to keep it reinventing himself now you're 40 Okay, and now we got right now we got a deep and things and that's where I'm gonna help you Okay, okay, and how are you gonna help me? What's what? How are you going to help me magnetos helmet? Yeah, we're gonna start with the helmet and then you're gonna take what we're gonna sit down and I'm gonna give you a reading Why are you dressed like a fucking mannequin? You are dressed like a J crew mannequin Shop at Jade fucking crew like it's I like those They make nice shirts Like you're in a play from the 40s what the fuck is wrong with you He's my torso warm Hold on what's in temperature? Have you ever worn a color I'll explain you ever worn a color besides earth tones Brian it's 80 degrees unbelievable Joe listen, it keeps my lower. It keeps my lower back my my mid-body warm So if I have to generate torque got a throat kick got a throat I'm not gonna twist my back so my back stays you should never take anybody. I saw your kicks first of all I want to say this you're welcome fun. What dude? How about this your welcome? No How many wife beaters you own dude that's why he wears underneath he wears underneath My wife won't let me wear tank tops You know why because your wife is fucking smart and fashionable, but you dude you look like you If you take off that fucking shirt you have a wife beater on bro. You have an actual wife You're on your wife beater my wish it talk like you already look like a wife beater. Don't wear one You