#2124 - Dave Attell & Ian Fidance


29 days ago




Dave Attell

6 appearances

Dave Attell is a stand-up comic, actor, and writer. Look for his new Netflix special "Hot Cross Buns" on March 26.www.daveattell.com

Ian Fidance

1 appearance

Ian Fidance is a stand-up comic, actor, and writer. Check out his podcast "Bein' Ian with Jordan" on Spotify.www.ianfidance.com

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Gentlemen, good to see ya. Joe, thanks for having us. My pleasure, my pleasure Thanks for coming to town Everybody's very excited I'm excited, dude, playing the club I had to bring an Ian Superfan of the show Thanks Ian, I'm a I'm excited, dude. Playing the club, had to bring an Ian, super fan of the show. Thanks, Ian. I'm a fan of you, dude. You're a funny motherfucker. Thank you, bro. It means a lot. Appreciate it. I'm excited to be at the club, man. Yeah, I'm excited to have you guys. Where everybody's been pumped. We're pumped. It's a stroke fest I'm in town for the club to hang with you and also to promote a special. What do you think? Only I bring one out every other election year. I know I don't have to turn around you have man. You're good It's okay. It's when you put them out their fucking magic Skanks for the members are still one of my all-time favorite comedy albums. It's a fucking classic It's weird when you I'm sure you have this where a fan comes up to you and they repeat one of your most horrific jokes, you know like, hey man, those titties ain't like whoa. Say it in a corner. Not here. You know what happens to be sometimes people bring up bits that I totally forgot. Oh, sure. I'm like, oh my god. How does that go? I have to ask them. How's it go? Oh yeah, they're everything. What was it on? Yup, that's what it is, man. It's all a blur. But we're old. Yeah, David, we're old now. My mom's been in the hospital, right? I went in there and people thought I was the patient. I was sitting in the room with her and they kept coming over to me. I'm like, her, her. I wish it was a joke. It's not. Yeah. Oh. I've known you for at least 30 years. For sure. Well, it looks better on you than on me. So that's for sure. That's why I brought in my intern to take some of the slack up. You guys are the same age. Oh, that can't be. I'm older than you. I'm older than you. I told you. 59. I'm Okay, there you go. See? Yeah. Three years ago I looked like that. Now, I don't know what happened. [2:06] I don't know what happened. It's all about the maintenance. Well yeah, you put the time in. You gotta keep that maintenance. I saw it coming a long time ago though. I saw it coming like in my thirties. Yeah, but you never were like this. I mean like you never were. Yeah, because I've been injured before, I've had a bunch of surgeries. I know what it's like to have things not work good. I'm like, oh, you gotta do everything you can to make sure the fucking wheels are still on the machine. Yeah. If you don't, we all know guys who like Patrice, we lost Patrice. Yeah. We all know guys who don't take care of themselves and fucking shit just starts breaking. What do you think of stuff foreign apart? I'm glad you brought up Patrice because we've lost a lot of great. The Patrice is the one, a lot of people like, you know, super fans always bring up Patrice. What would he do in the age of ozemic? What do you think? I don't think he would go along with it. [3:01] I could see him putting it on like a cheeseburger or something. You know? He just was not easy. He's not into it. He's not into it. He's not gonna do it. Like Brian Simpson got on it for a little while. It was terrible for him. Really? He had terrible reaction. Wow. And I taught those guys how to eat better. I'm like, just stop eating all the bullshit. And and you'd be amazing how much better you feel. What do you think is bullshit? In these red carbs, not all carbs. Like it's not like vegetables are fantastic for you. I'm not one of those people that thinks that you should be on any particular diet because I think diets are different for every person. Some people vegetarian, vegan, they're fine. Some people they fall apart. It's you gotta figure out what the fuck is right for you, but for everybody, sugar. For everybody, even sweetener. No good. Well, like artificial sweetener, look, that kills a year of fucking pussy. You're gonna take a, that Diet Coke takes you out. Get the fuck out of here. [4:00] Overgurced on stevia. Fuck out of here, the fuck out of here. I'm over here. I'm over here. I'm over here. I'm not playing a zylitol. I think that it's fucking pasta and bread for a lot of people. I know it is for me. I over consume calories when I eat that stuff. Because it's so wonderful to stuff in your fat face. So when's Anya or something? When's the last time you had a piece of cake just like oh shit and giggle. I'll do it every now and then Once a week or so. I'm like that I give myself a day where I don't give a shit. I'll eat pizza What is a carbolotor? Are you supposed to do a bunch of that before you do like a race or you ride? Yeah Yeah, that's um a lot of guys do that That you'd have to talk to like endurance athletes about that But essentially they're just taking in a lot of carbohydrates before ultra-marathons and things like that. And then they also have gels. They have these carb gels will squirt in their mouth. Oh, wow. Yeah, they're just all about performance. Those folks are all about just trying to squeeze out another two or three minutes in a 100 mile race. [5:01] That's crazy. I ride a bike in New York City, so I eat a ton of pasta and I'm riding three miles. I'm like, I got a carb alone. But that's a fucking workout though, boy. That's so good for your health, except for the fact that you're breathing in brake dust. I think that's the least of it in New York. Oh, yeah. It's kind of like, it's kind of like, you're driving through like a zombie horde. You know, it's like a jade. Homeless toss, you're peddling, and you're also kind of basically like away. I mean, thought about wearing like armor. Yeah, you're doing like a charge of the liper gade. I have used my bike chain as like a maze. Oh yeah, he's got to keep away from you. He's got some great tangles, but yeah, yeah. Is he that bad down there? Oh yeah. I mean, you gotta learn, sometimes you have to pop off because cars will turn and they act like you don't exist. So you gotta yell and everything. And a lot of these guys, especially since the pandemic, everything's food delivery. So they all go down the wrong way. They're all buzzing around you on the side. It's terrible. And this guy called me on a bad one. I was having a bad day and he was coming at me. I was like, wrong way asshole. And he came up, gotten front and he stopped and was like, asshole, you're [6:09] an asshole. And he smacked my coffee out of my hand. A white guy? Yeah. That's why I said something. That's something draw really gave it away. It sounds like a really privileged guy. Yeah. Yeah. No, if it was a Yale, someone from the Bronx, I would have been like fair enough. Good for you, sir. I'm wrong. So he climbed out, smacked your coffee. Oh, yeah, and I spent this face. And then I got, I went down and then he came up again and took his phone out and started to tape me. And I was like, you're a fucking pussy. You fucking snitch. And I took my chain. And I was like, you want to be fucking tough? Let's be tough. And he was like, amazing. And I rode away and I went, welcome to New York. There's all crowd of people watching. That's coming from the guy who just saw Ghostbusters. How many times? This guy is a Ghostbusters nut. He's a fanatic. He was probably coached. If anyone gives you hard time, you'll film. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, shame. Yeah, you don't like immigrants. Oh, yeah. [7:07] Well, no, he was French. So that was a terrible French. I didn't get that at all. I didn't get that at all on that one. No, no, no, no. I made him say it was Becky, but he was French. Yeah, but you got to be careful fighting people from other countries. They play by different rules. That's true. Oh yeah. You know, you're with a guy you're tangling and also he pulls out a snake. Pfft. I got a poison, his wife or on me. You know what I'm talking about? This guy, I knew from Malaysia. He said, you know, in Malaysia, you know, you go to a bar and these guys have these rings that are tipped in poison. So like you know you'd be with the guy and all of a sudden he'll like on the back like like that No, oh what was that like a pin print and then you're dead like a day later. No, it's a Malaysian hello Like those spears get to shit and Vietnam something like that Oh, you could probably survive the spear dipped in shit before you could survive the poison. Yeah Yeah, but I was like Malaysian wow tough tough scene over there [8:04] Well, Ian is, you know, what was it gonna say? Like we've been working together for a long time. Yeah. And he's sober too, you know, so I'm sorry, this is kind of like a bore, but you know, the sober life on the road is not very cool. You know, the chain smoking and the coffee. That's pretty much it. We go on adventures. We do. Daytime sober adventures. What do you think you would be like, sober, no coffee, no cigarette? I can tell you right now. So aside. Because my plane was delayed and I had not a coffee in 12 hours. I got that weird headache. You know what I'm talking about? Like from the front all the way to the back and I was like, that's coffee withdrawal. Right there. Yeah, water is for, yeah. Really drink coffee? Pretty much. The hydration is my. Yeah, I'm like, he's a water David. Yeah, oh my God, he doesn't want it. Oh my God, it's really, yeah, that's like the least you can do for your body and I'm like, nah. I don't think so. Well those connecting flights are hell when you can't smoke and that's Vegas. I think [9:09] Is that the only one that moves? It has that weird. Yeah, like that's often Yeah, that kind of Two Bro, that is the wildest thing they ever did give you a box where you could do drugs in Just get in there. Yeah. Cause it's gonna fuck up everybody else so get in there so you don't fuck it up. Get your little cage. Live it up. Well, the crazy things used to be a little smoke on the fucking plane. Yes. I remember it clearly when I was a kid, dice used to have a bit about it. The smoke conception. We're on a fucking tube. It's on the same air. That's the thing they had a fucking smoke and sex in the joke. They tried doing that joke today. People were like, what? Smoking and playing. Even smoking jokes. People were like, what are you talking about? Not that smoking was back. I thought all the scenesters, the posters are into smoking cigarettes now because vaping [10:03] became too mainstream. I thought that they would say. That's what I've heard in New York, like smoking in a restaurant, smoking in a bar somewhere, just to have like, it's kind of like a retro, kind of a look how cool I am, you know? Well, it's trading the moment for the future. True, that is true. But I was just in a hospital with all the old people. There's not much future. You trade that moment for like a decay. Yes. A certain amount of decay you're gonna experience in your future. Yeah I'll take it. Yeah. You gotta live in the moment. Yeah. Sure until you can. Well I'm telling you I was just around a lot of old people like the woman next to my mom in the hospital 100 years old. No. And she was no Betty White by the way. All right. It was like, we peeked through the curtain. It's like, hi. And it was just like eyes over oxygen mask glaring at us. Like, whoa, okay, we get it. I'll see you at the hardware store in heaven. She's done. She's done. [11:01] She's done. You're gonna live forever. I mean we all know that that's not possible. Come on. No one's living forever Well, but my goal is just to stay healthy Just keep it moving. Keep it moving. Make sure it makes sure it moves good Would you eventually segue like from like like a less Strenuous workout, you know what I'm saying like when you get older? Not once I have to like a tai chi in a park nothing like that Tai Chi in a park makes you look like you read a lot. Mm. You know, you're like really into esoteric things. True. You're out there moving slow in the park doing an ancient kung fu. In New York, that's called methadone. People, it's like in their own like world ice go this pool hall and The methadone clinic was right down the street and so my friend Johnny's called the methadoneians They get their dose and they just come in and play pool. They were Perfect for sure they were high. Yeah, this idea that methadone is like that's what stops you from using heroin right [12:04] Right, but it also gets you higher Yeah, yeah, I know guys are different to methadone is like, that's what stops you from using heroin. Right, right. But it also gets you higher. Yeah, that's like so. Yeah, I know guys who are addicted to methadone. And what I was going to say, you can take with just a pill, right? Isn't that what that is? You can drink it too. You can. Yeah. Wow. And the suboxin is the same thing. It's just like I come in and explain that on the podcast once he actually ran a clinic at one point in time and he was explaining how they're just getting you hooked on these other things and these other things also get you high. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have you done it before? No. Suboxone? No, no. But I mean it's it's just like I've heard mixed reviews though. Some people say it doesn't do that to you. Well mean, it's like whatever gets you off the thing that's killing you, you know, it's like harm reduction, but eventually you gotta get off that. If you want to be like totally sober. My understanding is that methadone is just as bad, if not worse for you. Really? I don't think it's good for you. I mean, my cousin's on it. She's doing great. I think that's not the only part. Told me, I think that if, you know, [13:05] that the problem with fucking any opiates is your body develops a tolerance. And then you go rush limbaugh. Yeah. Rush was taken like 99 pills a day or so. Wow. Really? Really? Depth from it, supposedly. Jesus Christ. I didn't know that right here. Yeah. I didn't know that right here. Yeah. Yeah. I hope that's going hard. That's what it's made by them. You know, you know, just like, excellent son Broadcasting. I just imagined him just fucking blasted out of his mind. Wandering around his house. Yalling the most horrific things. On opiates, you know. Wow, the light. Rubber band around his balls. Just fucking out to lunch. Pain killers may have caused limbo's deafness. Well, I didn't know that. Could a common pain killer take it in massive quantities, by the way, contributed to rushed limbo's well-known hearing loss? Research findings suggest that the radio talk show host [14:03] apparent addiction to Vicodin could be the culprit behind his mysterious attack of deafness two years ago? Doctors over the past several years have reported dozens of cases of Vicodin addicts who become deaf. And in some cases only regain their hearing with the help of cochlear implants, such as the one received by Limbaugh. It's pretty clear that there's an association since Dr. Jeffrey Harris and ear specialist, the University of California San Diego Medical School, the ear sensitive to drugs. And this particular association with Vicodin has become more relevant as people are getting their hands on it as a recreational drug. How many did he take at the height of his pillingous? Find that because I think it was real nutty. I think he was up to like, I think he was in the 90s. A day? A day. I took an idea in a week and I was flying high. I took an imagine. I believe it was Viking that I took once when I had a knee surgery. And it was, I was like, I'd rather be in pain. [15:00] Like I feel so stupid. But then I had a buddy of mine who was a musician and he said he would take it and it would really help with his creativity when he's writing songs. Really? Wow. Sounds like an excuse. But I think it's a thing, it's will definitely a crutch, right? But I think it's a thing where it's like different for different people. For some, for stand-hope, weed is horrific. Yeah, nice and I'll leave you guys. Yeah, you can do it. Yeah, he's an OG drunk. Right, but for me, weed is like, this is wonderful. I'm like, I love it. Everything's great. But I just think it's, I think the diversity of like how the differences in people's like just chemistry is very underappreciated. It turns the tolerance to food in terms of, you know, how much you can exercise. Like, what kind of diseases you're gonna get? Like, it's biodiversity, man. When you're gonna try it to find out. Yeah, we're all fucking different. Like, any one size fits all, get the fuck out of here with that. That doesn't work with people. [16:00] We're so different. We're not as like a bunch of different species is. I'll smushed up together. Yeah. When I had a shoulder surgery, they gave me a pain blocker. Have you ever had one of those? No. It like lasts about 12 hours, and it just blocks the... Oh, I have one I had surgery. Yeah, I had surgery. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was like awesome. It was like I was walking around like I don't feel like I am a surger epidural where they go near your spine is that what you're saying? No, no They just put something like on it. Oh, I think or no, no, no, you're right It was in me and then it dissolved or something like that no, but in epidural they it's like a spine block Okay, so they do it so if you want to be conscious like I was conscious when I got my knee up on. So they basically paralyzed me below the waist. Wow, that's scary. And then it was wild. Why would you want that? I wanted to see it. Because I wanted to see what the surgery looked like. I wanted to see my knee being pulled apart and screwed it in together. I wanted it, like they said I could watch it. Couldn't you just watch it later? No, no, no. Well, this was 1990, whatever it was. And so you know, I said what are the options and the doctor said well most people we just put them under I go [17:07] But why would you not put them under and he said because if sometimes people want to be awake And I said well what happens if you're awake like can I watch and he's like yeah, I go okay. Let's do that I want to see it so you could talk and everything while you're doing yeah, I could wow and you didn't feel any panic mm-hmm No, it was interesting Because it didn't I didn't feel any pain so I was watching the doctor screw it in and hammer it and fucking oh Man, whoo did at any point where you're like am I dead? No? No, no doctor was awesome. It wasn't out of body No, no, no because you're you're you're essentially sitting there I think I think the way I was seeing it was on a monitor if I remember correctly I think there was like they had like a cotton shield in front of me and my legs were there and then I was looking up at a monitor I thought I remember correctly. It's a long time ago. It's hard to remember I didn't get to remember him manipulating my leg and moving and around [18:03] It was fucked. I didn't have an ACL my leg and moving and around. It was fucked. I didn't have an ACL. They had to, and it's this pretty serious operation because they have to take a piece of your patelli tendon with a chunk of bone from your shin and a chunk of bone from your kneecap. And they pull that out and then they put it inside your knee and screw it in place. Wow. That's the sounds along with it creep me out. It's crazy. Yeah, when you hear the the bone crunching Because the the fucking screw is going into it. You're like And then afterwards he's manipulating it too like afterwards I was watching him moving around and what was the recovery on that like how long it took a long time I'm sure yeah That's a long one because it's there's so much trauma going on there. I think that took like a year before my knee felt normal. The knee is harder than the shoulder, right? No, the shoulders are very hard. Very hard because the shoulder moves all over the place. Oh, okay. This is the only thing I could find. He was arrested. they've had over two he had two thousand plus painkillers in his and his system are on them housekeeper claims that he did over 30 [19:10] oxies a day but that's oxies that's not viking it's not to the game after my side of the high-tech code on Laura set everything nor nor can or you know a few things oh which could hydrocodone can cause hearing loss it says wow imagine like what a pill for fridge what a hell that is to when you're a guy who has headphones on for living Like you and you are your pill thing is so wacky He can't stop it so wacky you can't stop to the point where you're fucking hearing goes away Yeah, I feel your job. So good just with that oxy et and everything and then one day you can't hear, what a nightmare. The thing you love. I think you're feeling good, dude. But he's probably got like five doctors to write those scripts like that, because you know, I mean, honestly, isn't it illegal? So like, well, he was living in Florida. And this was still milk. Yeah, that's like That's a great doc on Netflix that the guys were making all that money just selling like fake [20:05] You know like there was just like anybody people coming in at Kentucky. Yeah, hey, I got a I got a Mercedes. Okay, here you go That's my friend Mariana van Zeller. She it's the oxy cotton Express that that lady that lady's gangster But she exposed the whole thing where they don't have a database. Yeah you go from one place, they're basically paying management centers. Do you remember those? Yeah, it's all, it's crazy. Okay, Mr. Limbaugh and I have maintained from the start that there was no doctor shopping and when you, we continue to hold this position. Oh, that's nice. Mr. Black said, I love how he says that just that way. Like he's giving up the fact that he's playing a game. We continue to hold this position Wow, you're playing a chess game You're literally like saying it and what you're saying. There's no doctor shopping I don't know what you're talking about But maybe back like he had to be doing this for years and years and years right? He's getting 2000. Yeah, you're going to [21:00] Yeah, or you're buying it from a drug dealer. It's one of those two options. You have endless money. Yeah So what do we do is you go to the the pain management center? Yeah, you go and you say I'm in pain and they go Oh, well right your prescription for drugs and you go right next door to a pharmacy that only sells oxycontains The oxycontin express They just buy them from one doctor and go to another doctor and they would just get bags of pills, fill the trunk up and drive the Kentucky. Yeah, and it was off 95. So they would just go from Florida up to Philly, Delaware, New York, and all of the cars made that trip before they started figuring out what was going on. Right. And the pharmaceutical drug companies knew it, so they just kept selling it. They were there was some nutty statistic at one point in time where Florida had like 1000 times more Yeah, people It's dropped it anywhere else in the world. I make that a number up But it was some nutty number where you're like what and fucking God's name are you people doing? [22:03] How is that not like an anomaly? It just shows up like this one state has a state in the amount of prescription. Is there some pain in that state? Maybe we should know. New people out of the fucking state. We've got the blues. You can tuck in bluegrass. No, but I like the parking lot that you see in the documentary, they're like the most vagrant, just like red neck, just basically screeching around. And then the doctors themselves were armed because they were so afraid. All those doctors would just yell with the zombies. So many runs dry of money and no one wants their dick sucked. You're gonna get jumped. I mean, definitely on the way out. It's like an in and out no clint. I mean, it's anybody's. There's a book called Dreamland that talks about the pill crisis and everything and how it started with black tar heroin coming in from Naira, Mexico and everything. And there were houses in Ohio that people would line up with stolen goods and trade like chainsaws for pills. And then they would take those goods from home depot like sell them back to make more money to buy pills. [23:07] Oh my god. A pill economy. I don't know what to say. You know there's many wars connected to that too. The conspiracies about Vietnam always had something to do with heroin. And the conspiracy about Afghanistan. Oh with the opium? Dude we were guarding opium fields. Yeah. We were guarding poppy fields. The United States troops were guarding poppy fields. And they had Haraldo Rivera go over there to gaslight America about it. And they played it on TV. Now tell me, why are you guarding this heroin? What they say? We have to guard the heroin, otherwise the local people won't like us. Like, oh, what's they saying that they had it? Back to you, Tet. That they had to do it from the Taliban or something? Like that was like, well, that was how, like they, what's the truth and what's the story? [24:01] Or two very different things. There was fucking selling heroin. Heroin production went up after we invaded by some fucking insane number. Yeah. That's not like a sh- and then these guys like we need you to guard this, heroin. Oh, my God. We're here to guard it. So they send fucking soldiers over there to guard heroin. Yeah. You know? You get her out of his big fucking silly smile. Hi, everybody. I'm in a war with a big smile. I didn't know. Silly this. He's trying to, this smile is to let everybody know that everything's fine. This is not to be concerned with. And this is right around the time when opium and oxycontin was just flowing in the country. But look at even the way he's like performatively shaking this guy's excited in front of the camera like he hasn't met this guy before the whole thing is such a fucking charade Fighting the opium trade by guarding the heroin Imagine the fucking gaslighting fighting the opium trade while [25:08] fighting the opium trade while guarding the heroin field so that they can make heroin. Yep. The poppy fields only make heroin. They're not there's no tomatoes in there. Right. How you how you fighting the opium trade by guarding the heroin and ensuring the production. It grinds at your gut. How do you deal with it what are you doing well uh... frankly this is part of the culture uh... my grand in my gut it's what they do we provide them security providing them resources and providing them alternatives uh... or hit the breaks the government became a drug dealer one-fucking-hundred percent the other way they're doing that unless they're making some. The alternative is pumpkins. We thought maybe a pumpkin patch in here. I'm saying, you know, pumpkin is a little bit more of a tree farm. I know it goes against the culture, but. If we just tie pumpkin season right, we're gonna make a killing voice. [26:00] Now the Vietnam thing is interesting because I know my cousin who is in Vietnam, he came back in the out of heroin problem. But in actual Vietnam, they don't make heroin. It's loud, right? Or it's the trade growth. So there you go. It's in that zone, that triangle. It's controlling the area. You know, there's so many conspiracies about what the real reason why they lied and made up a false attack to get us to go into Vietnam, but almost always, it's money. Almost always. There's no way they do anything like that unless someone's making money. That's what they did then, that's what they do now. Now, if you're making money, the legal ways, they're doing selling weaponry and doing all the stuff that we do, but then you realize that there's all this extra money being made here that you're not getting a piece of. Right. If there's trillions of dollars in heroin coming from a place, you're going to be like, hey, this is kind of bullshit. I'm tired of selling you fuckers tanks. I'll own a piece of this heroin money. [27:00] And that, look, this is like so well documented in our country. That's literally what the iran contra fair was about that's the that we funded the war get the sand and east is versus the conscious nica rawha that's all over north i mean that's for can freeway ricky ross was selling them the coke yet we have to invade them because they hate our freedom that is a i'm glad you look at it that way which really important is framing it in a way that the common person can understand. I know this seems like tyranny to you and there's a bunch of fucking murderers drug dealers at the helm of the wheel. But that's not the case. What about fentanyl? What do you think of that? I love it. It's got legs. It's got legs. I wish it was in everything. It's fucking crazy. It's crazy. That's out of China, right? Well, they need the precursors. The precursors apparently are coming from China. Again, China's like, listen, are they buying them or selling them? Yeah, yeah, let's go. Isn't this their plan to win the 100 year war? Get us back on the podium. They are way ahead of schedule Those guys are killing it. They're fucking killing it. They're killing it with TikTok. I think TikTok accelerated everything. Yeah, TikTok is the new opium [28:11] Yeah, basically is That's hard to talk their TikTok is all like you know, it's good. It's good. It's a good science prize Yeah, are you a child be sexy and dance? What yeah drag queens are fun. They must be really Marshall, yeah. Marshall, are you a child? You mean sexy and dance. Like what? Yeah, drag queens are fun. They must be really. Yeah. I'm a teacher. You need to know how I fuck. What? Jesus Christ. I'm non-binary. So you must use these pronouns. And the kids are like, how many pronouns are there? Yeah, yeah. What the fuck? That's, I've never been to China. I know guys who've tore through there. Like I can only imagine what those shows are like. I mean, I guess you do it for the X-Past. It's not like the locals are dying for American comedy over there. But they will fucking put you in the ground if you talk some shit over there. Oh yeah. No, don't even. You can't go over there and just get drunk and do comedy. They will put you in the fucking ground. But you know how like when you do like a town [29:06] and you always make fun of the other town like to get those people on your side like, oh, yeah, I'm in Pittsburgh. What about that, you know, Scranton? Am I right? Come on, they suck. I'm kidding, but you know, that's the thing like, who do they make fun of? I guess us I'm sorry, I'm coming from America with our, you know, different branches of government. I wish we have just one guy. One guy you can get shit done here. You can really get shit done. Because what you do is you make sure that the businesses are on the same page as the government. The government owns the businesses. They're all together. You're all part of it. You can't make a decision without them. That way we're all working the greater good of the country. You're gonna make plenty of money. We're all working the greater good of the country. And it's a weird hybrid of communism and commerce. Like that's what changed. When trying to figure it out, oh no, we need to have competition so people need to be able to make money. Let them make money but we'll still look on the run shit. And then I think America was like, I like what she's wearing. Yeah. [30:05] I want them. She looks good. Yeah, I want that dress. I think it's that. That's what I think it is. And I think that's where they're fucking pushing for all this crazy shit today. People think they're trying to really try to make the world better for people. No, they're not. Shut the fuck up. They're trying to get more control out of you. What's your like, when you go overseas, do you perform like a tour or like what's your favorite like spot overseas? I love the UK. I love the go over there. I just love the people. I just love it. They're fun. It's a fun place. I love England. I love Scotland. How about Australia, have you done that? Yeah, I've done Australia, I love Australia. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. I've done that. are fun. I like them. I like drunk Irish guys. They're fun. [31:05] Ireland is good. Yeah, they're fun. The young people there get it. Young people know what the fuck is going on. The young people today are on the internet. And the young people today are paying attention to people that aren't lying. And they realize like, oh, we're getting fucked. Yeah, you've been getting fucked. We were getting fucked. We didn't even know we were getting fucked. Well, I mean, when you go overseas, that's the thing of like, you know, I say so it's small. Canada, you know what I'm saying? Like he get it going. But it's funny how like they get all of our references yet they're better people. You know that kind of thing. Yeah. No, they're not. I think they are. No, 20% less douchebags in Canada. How many fights have you seen at the Tim Hortons? That's what I wanted out. Exactly. You never see a beat down, you never see a shooting. I went to a strip club in Calgary and they used the loonies and tunies, the coins to give the strippers. And people are like, when you go, make sure you don't warm them up with a lighter. They don't like that. They're throwing hot coins and strippers. These are terrible beasts. [32:06] This might be what we call sampling bias. Like the study that you took of what kind of people Canadians are at a whole. Was that a strip club? Black and statement. And where was the strip club with Calgary? Calgary, okay. A strip club in a fucking cattle town, a frozen cattle town, and one of the toughest fucking places on Earth to live. I forgot it, it is a cattle town. Yeah, I've got some friends, that my friends John and Jen, they live in Edmonton, and they live out in Alberta, and it's so cold out there. You can take hot water and throw it in the air, and it freezes before it hits the ground. Bro, they get to 50 below, 60 below. A week before I was air was negative 30. And then the week I went, it was 32 degrees and people were like, oh, I'm wearing shorts. It was fucking not hardy. That's why they're so cool up there. [33:02] You have to have discipline to live. You have to be able to shovel your car out of the fucking snow to stay alive. To stay alive. Like it makes for better people. It makes for more resilient people. People are better when they know how to put on snow tires. Yeah. But this guy in the strip club, honestly, he really, I hate to think you out or anything, but he really like, you know how like most guys go and they just kind of sit and observe. He's part of the action. He immediately runs in, throwing the dollars, spanking and ask. I'm like, I don't know if you're allowed to do that here, dude. I don't know where you think you're like, he's from Delaware, so I assume that's like a handheld where it's normal. Yeah, spanking a woman's ass, but I was like, and they liked it too. They were like, oh, finally a guy who gets us is here. They were like into him. They wanna have fun and most guys just sit there and like, you know, you went up and you put a dollar like you were getting poker. I was like, exchanging, I was like looking around for the cameras and like, I don't want to be observed doing this, but it was it was really definitely a that was for Louis Cass's [34:07] Bachelor half half bachelor party Bachelor party because I was gonna go to Costa Rica with them Dave should put David tell Down there Costa Rica's awesome, but the bugs are gigantic. Bro, they have crazy bugs you haven't ever seen before, they're like birds. Really? They're fucking huge. I wouldn't be into that. There's out there's crocodiles there. I went with my family and we went on a crocodile tour. It's crazy dude. They're crocodiles, right? Oh yeah, real buys well they had a crocodile. It's like rivers and I don't know what you would call it I guess you could call it a buy you if it was I think buy who's like an American term. I isn't a French term. Yes It is French term for Cajun country CCR term. Yeah, yeah But so we're in this boat right and my kids are young at the time and I'm like don't go near there Don't go near there like every time they go near the edge one of them is a little dare [35:06] devil and she likes to like like lean over the edge like come on you fucking thrill seeker these are real dinosaurs man and so we watch this one slide into the water oh so there's a bunch of them on the deck on the the banks rather and they're stunning themselves and you see these 15 feet crock and' isles just sunning themselves. They're like this. This is so creepy. And then they slide into the water. You're like, Jesus. Ah, they're under us. They're in the boat. And I'm like, this is such a bad idea. And all my father instincts are kicking in. I'm like, don't go near. Don't go near. Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know, like you like road rage times a hundred you like Fuckin freaking man. If one of them falls and you're gonna go in to go in you have to go in You have to go in and you have to throw them onto the fucking boat And then you gotta figure out how to get up because the crocodile is gonna hear the splashing Oh Jesus wow so scary [36:02] How about the how about the ocean there too? That's another one where it's like amazing, but there's a lot of shark. Oh, there were sharks down there. That's what I heard. Well, down in Florida, down in the Keys, they have so many bull sharks that there's a bunch of videos of guys fishing and they're just trying to get the fish in as quick as they can because the bull sharks come along. Amazing. And just fuck those fish up. Wow. There's bullsharks everywhere down there. So many that you're allowed to kill them and cook them. Really? Yes. You can go bullshark fishing. You can go bullshark fishing in the Keys in Florida. What does that taste like? How many bullsharks you allowed to take? I think you allowed to take like one a year or something like that But people go fishing for bullshark. How big did they get and people get mad at them? They're killing sharks because of the propaganda of the fucking sharks fin soup All right, people don't understand the size of the globe and they think that a shark's are endangered But not there they're not no they might not be over there [37:00] Wherever the fuck they're been killing them and taking their fins off but in Florida There's a lot of them. Does it fuck up the ecosystem? No, if they kill too many of them. Sure, yeah, but we're killing too many fish. Yeah. Now the problem is it's not just we, me, we the human race where we've depleted the ocean by something around 90% of all the big fish. And then they told us that plastic straws are the problem. So every time I go to a coffee shop, it sucks ass. Here it is. Bull sharks are harvestable in Florida with a 54 inch minimum size limit and one per person per day. Oh my God. One a day. That's something that they have of them. The world record is from steward, Florida with 501 pounds, 92 inches. Yikes! the maximum size is about 13 feet with the matures at approximately 14 to 18 years of age Wow The most sharks are responsible for almost all of the different shark attacks out there Wow, I like to bump and bite meaning they bump their prey in a packet while it's trying to figure out what just hit them [38:00] Just like you Ian Bump and bite That's a strip of strategy. Bullshort. The use cut stingrays for bait year round and our heaviest rods and tackle gear. No doubt you will get a great show and fight if you catch a bullshark. Would you ever go bullshark for fish? I'm not a fishing guy but I wish I was into that. Like I let go of the gear they have to buy. I like that when you go into like a dicks and you see like that old wall and like, you know, the right anglers and all that kind of the lures and all that kind of the, I don't know, but I'm not into it. Did you win, Gail? I would go, but I'm not really. Fishing's all I'm trying. Fishing's a disaster. This is one of the things that Jamie been all the way up into Illinois. So they make no bullshit. No bullshit. They make their way up the river. That explains it. Even the movie jaws was based on a fresh water attack that was on a river in New Jersey. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Near Tom's river. They go all the way up the river into the they can how can they do that? What a fresh and so on. They're monsters. Wow. They're just designed to kill and if they they ran out of shit to kill on the salt they ventured into the fresh [39:10] That's amazing They made it all the way up into the rivers and they started killing things. What are they what do they look like? The big shark like a regular shark like a great white type Yeah, they're smaller than that smaller. Yeah, they're smaller, but it's the same kind of look That's what a bull shark looks like. Yeah, same like. Look at that terrifying fuckhead. Jesus Christ dude. That's like the classic look. I mean, it got looks. I can't look scared. How many there must be if they let you kill one a day? Sure. Do you know how many there must be? That's great news. How many people are going out specifically like a ditch bullsharks videos on YouTube of guys doing it Yeah, they have like YouTube fishing channels I subscribe to a couple Channel these fucking dudes go down there and they catch bullsharks. I mean see if you could find like bullshark fishing [40:02] like bull shark fishing. It warmer sea surface temperatures have led to a bull shark population increase scientists say. Wow. Marine wildlife expert discusses whether people should take caution. Yeah, they're going to kill you. They think a lot of fucking caution. These fuckers are dangerous. Oh, that's it. They're real aggressive too. I think them and tiger sharks. Yeah. Bull sharks I think of the most What say Jamie? You want bull shark video fishing? Yeah, bull shark fishing. I want to see the Illinois bull shark fishing scene People have it in their head like oh you shouldn't kill sharks Right, but you also shouldn't let them kill people right like so many fucking sharks to kill people you got to kill the sharks Yeah, but it's also like we shouldn't be eating tuna and salmon with Shark, bro I want a shark steak bro. It used to be able to buy it everywhere. Mako shark was like a normal thing that was on menus Growing up on Long Island. That was the big you know the big get a meco [41:00] Two bull sharks swim up to Mississippi River to St. Louis. Wow. Yeah. See the arch. What a nice little shirt. But that's how resilient they are. 1937. 1937, Sparked Fisherman's Tale from 1937, Sparked the Researcher's Interest in Bullsharks upstream after two fishermen caught a five foot 84 four pound bull shark and Alton Illinois so that was uh... in nineteen thirty seven fifty eight years later in nineteen ninety five a fisherman near rush island Missouri caught another bull shark that's what are you eating what everything fucking everything birds whoever's whoever's slip in bitch oh man bull sharks typically live in warm water in open salt water But they're one of the few species that can adapt to live in fresh water environments Do they ever have arguments and they go after each other? I wonder I Think each other. Yeah, sure [42:00] I'm sure they do for sure. Well, they kill everything else battle bots of the sea. That'd be great. Fucking monsters, man That's awesome. I mean their teeth are just rows and rows of like duplicating teeth So when one falls out another one replaces it. This is so different from the stuff I look at at home Like when I'm like I'm like a coy pond like there's something about a coy Down I don't know what it is. It's a video. It's an altar. Anything with parents. You know, I'm always into that. I like that too. Yeah. I like this one I was thinking to do and like you take like you know there's all these parents that outlive their owners so you take them and you make like a supreme court of parrots. They know all this ancient stuff because they're old. But like just, you put little robes on them and it's like, hey, what do you guys think about and you say an issue and then like whatever. It's like, okay, well there you go. That's what we should do. Yeah, parents live super old. I know like 70 years or something. Really? So if you get one when you're 80, you're an asshole. You really are so self-ass. You know this poor parrot especially treat it well. Oh, yeah, imagine handing a parrot down to your children in the will [43:06] Yeah, I think that would suck that would fuck I think they can live to like a hundred years old I'm not sure like a tortoise like they have that kind of age to them They really can live a long time. There's a few animals where like once you get them as a pet You know you're there and it is for your kids and do they keep learning phrases? No, I think they kind of like just know like three things. I don't know. Some pets such as tortoises and parents may live for over 50 years. 50, okay, well, I was wrong, but you know. Tortuses live like into their hundreds, so. Provide documented pens for their pet parrots in their wills. Yeah. There it is. Lawyers often urge pet parents. Yeah. Pet lawyers. That's his lawyers whizzling in on some of that pet parent money. Yeah. That's a leap of faith like because I just did a wheel like and to my parrot I'd like you know it's like yeah we're gonna do that. Yeah. This power can you can talk but you can't you know testify. It's [44:04] a some species. Yes. Somebody five to a hundred years. Oh wow You got to go with an old-fashioned pigeon. That's like what three weeks like six weeks if he's healthy Do you know the pigeons were all brought over here for food? I didn't know that I thought they were from here now. No, no they're an invasive species I guess they're brought over from Europe But they there were food source. That's what Squab is. Oh, it is. Squab's pigeon. Really? Yeah, all those pigeons in New York City, 100%, you could shoot them and eat them and they're good. I wish we were allowed. Oh, I'd be so lucky. You just need me to park. Just pink, pink, just shoot them. And then you just put them in a bag, take them home and pluck them. Well, like literally you could hunt wild meat in a central park. So when people go out, let's squab. Is that what they're really talking about? Like, pigeoning? That's what, well, that's what squab is. Yeah. Whoa, squab is a wild animal. Wow, he's a wild animal. Some sort of fight with pigs. Easy Webster. I wonder, I mean that kind of makes sense. Yeah, that's what I'm just gonna squab. [45:05] Yeah, that's a weird word. It is. Squabbling, what is squabbling about? That doesn't even sound like a fight word. No, how can you fight after hearing that? Squab sounds like somebody's gonna squabble. No. It happens to your ankle. Squab done my ankle. Yeah, yeah, well that's a what about squirrel that used to be like a frontier's man Hey, I shot some squirrel. Oh, yeah, people still eat squirrels. Yeah, the eat squirrels all throughout the South I've friends at hunt squirrels some friends of mine want to take me a squirrel raccoon and rabbit hunting mom here Yeah, he's a good shot by the way. He really is good really hard time killing a raccoon I just think raccoons are so cool. They're the cutest. They're not just chained. They have little hands. They have little hands. Yeah. They have little hands. Have you ever seen them eat like cotton candy and water and it disappears and they get so confused? Oh, really? Oh, it's the cutest. That's weird. Because how they eat, they pick up their food and then they run and eat it. So they try to pick I'm like, what happened? It's so cute. I saw a raccoon in front of the Chelsea hotel [46:07] right next to Gotham. That's crazy. Yeah. What the fuck? This is crazy. He's searching for it. I lost it somewhere. A little guy. Oh, what a dirty trick to play on a raccoon. Look at him. He's so fucking frantic. Oh, he found it. He's like someone when they lost their vape down here. What the fuck where's that bullshork You can't escape me I can even do a water found Comes up to the toilet remember that was always a thing that snakes are gonna be in the City I was thinking about that the other day rats do that like if a rat really like came up and went inside of me like who's side with the EMT's beyond I always want to know if it's true Alligators in the sewer. Yeah, is that right? That as a kid that was a big deal that pet alligators and they would release them in the sewer Yeah, there's always in video games There's a movie about a suit gay. There's a movie like it was like a horror movie in the 80s about a gator that was living down in the sewers and like you know [47:06] Now he's like humongous and he's and he's going to eat somebody. Yeah That's a cool thing. That was a great urban myth. Yeah, is that it? But was it real? Did they ever find alligators in the sewers? See they found any alligators in the New York City? Yeah, how would they get there? They said that people threw them away. Yeah, that's how like most of Florida is infested with pythons. pythons and a bunch of those came from people's pets. Yeah. Not all of them. They found out these are the thing he was all pets, but then they found out that there was a research lab that got hit that was filled with pythons that got hit with like a hurricane or tornado or some shit. That's like a horror movie. Yeah, and the pythons got loose. That's a terrible death I think I think I think Honestly, yeah, I thought I was Can't first Well Python you could smoke while you're dying for the bullshark here. You're in the water. You're already kind of like I'm fat [48:03] My man boobies are being water you're already kind of like I'm fat, you know, my man boobs are being, you know, anything that happens in the water is ultimately more terrifying. True. You can't move good in the water. True. You can't get away. Did you see that video that guy jumping off the cruise ship and they videotape and he just disappears into the night? Yeah. Oh my God. That was it a couple years ago now. He was trying to impress his friends and he jumped off into the water. He drowned. He turned, took him away and in the video you just see just a head bobbing and disappearing into the darkness. Oh my God, what a terrible way to die. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, being an idiot, a drunk young kid. You know, I feel sorry for the comic on the cruise ship. The next day he has to do a show. I know, everybody's a little down. If it was Tony Hinchcliffe, he'd be immediately making fun of that. Oh yeah, Tony. What the fuck was wrong with that guy? I guess he can't swim. The conditions have led to the myths of several, a special breeds. The lack of sunlight creates a blind albino gator. Wow. [49:01] But is it true? So it started off as a myth, but there have been reports of not only sightings But they have pulled a couple out but the original reports like there was hundreds in their year And I don't think I think that's a myth. Wow. They've pulled a couple out of it Yeah, I mean that's did how many they pull out it started like I said it started off as a myth to like became truth Like this is a non-profits as they pulled out five. Oh, they're just little now five Algators of handle five get it in the past two years. That's the lot. That's pretty good And they eat the rats right none from sewers So this is like people that have pets. Yeah, like in your bathtub. That's such a weird pet like exotic. There's a dude who lived that guy Somewhere I think there's a dude who lived in Harlem with the tiger the tiger in his apartment. Yeah What yeah, crazy? I think there's a dude who lived in Harlem with the tiger, the tiger in his apartment. What? And there's a photo of it in the window. Like someone's like trying to climb up the fire escape, you see a tiger in the window. That's the most amazing thing of all time. That's crazy. Cause someone's gotta go in and deal with that thing. In an apartment. Look at that. And in this D so angry. Yeah, he's trying to fuck that guy up in the department. [50:05] What about the neighbors? I mean, like honestly, bro, that's gotta be tough. How bad does that apartment smell for sure? Because you're not gonna stop that thing from pissing on the walls. Right? He's gonna mark wherever he wants. So he's gonna snake next to the tiger. This guy's into exotic shit. Yeah. That's how I to the tiger. I know. Living up in the Bronx. What? The zoo. It's like, when are we going to move to Manhattan or something? It's like I'm sick of being. We're nowhere near the park. We're nowhere near the action. It was a really good, this owl escaped from the Central Park Zoo, and they tried the capture and then they couldn't, and then they said, he'll just be fine, it's living out there in Central Park, he's eating rats and pigeons and so is like helping everything. And then he just flew into a building and died. He was sad, I felt so bad for him. He's like, he finally got out, he was like looking for a mate and then he just like at night because he's owls you know they're night people so it's just like flew into somebody's building and kill [51:07] themselves you know. But I thought they fly good at night. That's what I thought I guess not. I guess he was half owl, half seagull or something. He was born to get really confused by glass. Oh yeah. That was him, flaco. Oh man. Oh we're flaco. Man, that's great. Flaco probably thought he was going into an opening and he hit a window. Sure. Oh, look at him. But yeah, he was like escaped, you know, catch him at least belt, you know, belt reform. You ever have that happen in your house? You see a dunk? And it's the sound of a knock on glass and you look at it, you see a bird just dead. Oh geez. No. I hear it's sunk on my glass. I live in Brooklyn. It's just an angry teenager. But that's like when you drive through Nebraska and like also in like weird shit starts hitting your windshield. You know what's like? What is that? Is that a grasshopper? What is that? Like a huge bug. Like it's just like for the amount of bug and the amount of shit that comes out of them, you's like a splatter. Imagine driving through a locus storm. Oh, that would be cool. [52:05] Oh, man. Well, they just flood the skies. Oh, for God's sake. You know, locus and grasshoppers are the same thing. I didn't know that. What? Yeah, grasshoppers like turn into locus. It's like a specific thing that can happen to them. I don't know if it's like a population thing or a butterfly butterfly? No, because it doesn't always happen. Like find out like what turns grasshoppers into locusts. It's something really nutty. Wait, if you can see this, leave this locust swarm. Check this out. Well, whatever they always use, whatever bathroom they want. It's sworn. Contained up to 200 million pestss out of living creatures you fucking piece of shit They're not pasts way much more that's grasshopper if yeah, and they turn But just Google what what it is can't you eat this? I mean I thought great Grasshopper and cricket can you eat locus? Yeah, for sure [53:00] So what are we crying about you need most bugs open your mouth? You need a lot of bugs. Various species of shorthorn grasshoppers in the family, but like they have a swarming phase. So what causes them to swarm? Locusts and grasshoppers are the same in appearance, but locusts can exist in two different behavioral states. Solitary and gregarious, whereas most grasshoppers do not, when the population density is low, locusts behave as individuals, much like grasshoppers. So it's a population thing. Why do grasshoppers turn into locusts? The term locusts is used for grasshopper species that change morphology morphologically and behaviorally on crowding, forming swarms developed from bands of immature stages called hoppers. The change is described as density dependent phenotypic plasticity. Yeah. So it's density dependent. So it's like something about the population that causes them to go fucking nutty. And so they look real different. Like look at their color changes. Oh man. That was tough on the top there. That's so cool with the [54:04] knees back there. They got to make a drone or something like that. I mean honestly, they look like pretty wild. It is pretty nuts Super swarm of locusts and Illinois Indiana Ohio area this year. Oh really to like they bury themselves or they high Something years. That's a Cade. I thought yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Well, please something years. Oh, that's a Cate. I thought, yeah, yeah, sorry, well, please please. My big thing. This is a Cater. Yeah, yeah, the Cate is the eat those two every 17 years or 13 years. The Cate return. I always love that when they come out. It's just like they're annoying. They're everywhere. Shedding their skin. They're really loud, but they eat those too. Wow. I know a lot of people online have videos about how to cook cicadas. Ew. That's something. Teriyaki sauce and you bake them. Apparently they're delicious. It's protein, right? A pair of it. Trillions. Trillions. Trillions. Oh, I see. Since the cat is a little merged from Maryland to Oklahoma, Illinois to Alabama, clearly, trillions of adults cicadas will be present, but not all in the same place at the same time. Yeah, well that's, I would hope not. [55:07] She makes it. She really is. She really is. Those fat bugs. That's crazy. Imagine the border. I think they're cool. They sound cool. But they're out every year, right? And small numbers. Is that what the deal is? Yeah. Are they the ones that make the noises at night. Are they, is that the deal? Like they're out every year in small numbers and then every, here's the, like it's called a brood. Yeah, like there's different sizes of them. Wow. Come out there or emerge every year, I guess. This is what the world of economic forum wants us to eat. You'll eat bugs and you'll be happy. But the thing is, you need to know that you can eat them. You can't eat them. They're very edible. And my friend, Ryan Callahan, he had like a recipe for cooking them. He talked about, like take them, put them on a sheet, use teriyaki sauce, like a teriyaki glaze, cook them apparently they're delicious. I would try it, but I don't know if I'd hate him. And I'd grasshoppers in Mexico. [56:05] Really? Was it crickets? Not even crickets. Do they like deep-prime? How did they cry? Somehow, I don't know. Like, can't see her room? Something like that. I don't know, but they had a bowl of them in the room. I think it was crickets. And I find a spider you're fucked. Really? Spider's just fucked. Yeah. I'll kill you. Yeah. Yeah. That looks pretty good. Yeah. Once you cook it up. They call it a chappellinis as I say it. I would do that. Dried and roasted grasshoppers. A pre-Hispanic Mexican delicacy. They're small, most are shorter than the length of an adult pinky and nutty in flavor. The cooking process can add additional flavors such as lemon, garlic, and chili. I thought it was South East Asia or something. Maybe it's grasshoppers and I thought it was crickets. It looks like that. Either way, grasshoppers don't kill either. [57:01] What about like, are you like an adventure food guy or no? Yeah, I'll try some different stuff. You know, I think in the Philippines where it's like an egg, but like it's like the fetus is already like, you know, it's not like a rich. Yeah, have you had that? Yeah, we served on a fear factor. Oh geez. My Filipino friends are like, get the fuck outta here. It's terrifying looking. What is it? It's basically a baby bird. It's a duck. So what it is? I have no idea what it is. It looks disgusting. It's the egg in the embryo is. Yeah, yeah. See, there's like a thing in there. Oh my god. Yeah. So people eat the whole thing. They eat the little baby. They eat the yolk. Oh. That to me is like too much. It's rough. Yeah, it's gotta be you're getting beaks in there I'm such a baby with food I don't remember if I tried that I don't think that sounds like a really good tree for like a dog like hey [58:01] Look at this egg and it like a bird in there. You know like here you go, buddy I ate so many things on Fear of Act 2. I kind of forgot all the stuff I ate. I don't think I ate one of those. Snake of course, right? No, I never ate snake. Really? Would you eat everything that they ate? No, I did. I ate it, it's fine. I would do it if I thought do it for no reason. I'll do it for no reason. I can't even win just a show that you can do it. Like, can you do it? Just do it. Just decide you're gonna do it and do it. It's so paternal. Well, it's just like coaching. I'm trying to help these people. That's a weird moment. Be it on TV, trying to eat a dick. You know, it's like, and can I get some fries with that dick? You know, it's like fried pubes. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, man. I think it was cool that, you know, in New York there's always like that, the new restaurant, the new hot thing to heat, and stuff like that. I'm never into that. I'm not a food guy like I go back to. Yeah man, it's just so hard. That's why Austin's so good. They got great food here [59:09] pretty much from beginning, you know, like a morning truck. It's so good. There's so many good food trucks. Yeah, there's a lot of great options and there's a lot of, you know, it's not a cool shit to do here. It's not overwhelmed. It's like a perfect size. And what's the, I was going to say, you know, we're doing the club, right? And that six-thread has it settled down or is it still like popping the way it is? It's pretty crazy, yeah. It's a crazy, that end of it too is kind of the craziest end. Yeah, it is. It's fucking wild. We're in the heart of it. When you're old and you walk down the street, it's a whole different experience. Nobody gets it. Like when you're an old person with like a mortgage, and you walk down the street, they just see all that. The only place I think almost is equal is San Diego. Like that street where the American Comedy Club is, because this is nothing but like, drunks, fights, just squad cars coming from every direction all the time for like two hours. [1:00:06] Then it's like quiet again, but it's just like this amazing kind of like, you know, like almost like somebody said like, you know, Rungabell. It's like, be nuts. Yeah, it's like a little bit crazy. Perge for a couple hours. A purge, yeah. The purge. It is like a bunch of poor children. A pair of drunk women. God. So crazy. But yeah, that's just that street man. It's a very overwhelming. But that's a good place for comedy, both in San Diego and here. If you're like to be around that chaos and then come inside, you're a little like more used to chaos. A little more used to like some nuttiness. Bring some power. Bring some power. You're out there waiting in line and you do those fucking crack heads everywhere. We have security out there to protect them. Yeah. It's like, it's, it's, it's, well that's a sketchy fucking street. That's like your cellar now in the West Village. Like these people line up to go see a comedy show and then there's just people causing them for money and singing songs in their face. And then they come in like, what the fuck just happened? Do you feel a noticeable change in the city with the immigrant thing? [1:01:06] Oh. It depends what part of the city you're in, but definitely around like the poor authority, midtown, you'll definitely see more of that kind of, you know, activity. And that's over how much time? I'd say the last six months, three months, something like that. Where do you think this goes in six years? No, we're good. Is it Delhi? I really don't know but there is like There definitely is like a mood in that part of town And it's everywhere by the way, but that's where you see it the most where I'm like whoa look at look at like The bus station here like just outside. It's just basically never been more mango and candy being a little Santa both mangoes. It's so much easier to get. Yeah, but can you imagine being like 19 and living, you know, in a terrible place and you're just so poor and you're like, wait, I get to go to a place where I get away with crimes with my boys. Let's go. It's just like a group of laws always let you write out a jail when you beat up a cop on TV. Yeah. Yeah. [1:02:06] We are such suckers. We're such suckers as a nation to let this happen. It's so dumb. It's the dumbest fucking thing. It's happening right in front of everybody's face. Well, what do we do? What do we do and none of our elected leaders are doing anything to stop it? Yeah, but weren't they shipping them to like Martha's Vineyard and stuff? Oh, they're shipping and doing anything. Well, that was Texas. That's our guy. Our guy's awesome. Yeah. He ships him. He's like, okay, you guys want fuck, you don't want to deal with it? You want to let these people in? Yeah. You want sanctuary cities? Good. We'll send for what's happening and a lot of what's happening in New York. That's how they got up there. Yeah, thanks. But now the government's flying them places. They're flying them to different cities. You can ask where you want to go. They give you money. They give you a cell phone. And the thing that's really freaking people out, especially people in poor cities in this country, is like, where's that fucking help for us? Yeah. You've got these people housed free meals a day. How's she give it a money? And they can masturbate wherever they want. It's amazing. [1:03:06] That's true. Anywhere they want? And for a long time, for a long time. It's happening a lot. For a long time, especially in New York, they would look at you guys down here and go, like, you know, what do you, and then they finally got to experience it. And it's probably, but I'm saying like Texas. So, if you're down south, you know, if you're like way down there. The border town. Yeah, if you're in, you know, Juarez, like right outside of Juarez, if you're, that's, you're real close. I mean, it's coming over. Yeah. It's affecting you. Well, it's a thing though, for real, it's very dangerous to bring your kids through a fucking migrant stream that's walking into Mexico. So are they a lot of work and then some money back? There's definitely that. But also military aged men from other countries, including Middle Eastern countries, including China. [1:04:03] It's like that's real too. And it doesn't mean that you're not compassionate for the people that are doing exactly what I would do. If I was living in Ecuador and I didn't have any money, there was no job opportunities. And I knew that I could get into America and I'd get a job and if I bust in my ass, I can make it and they would accept me. And not only accept me, but help me, and give me money. And you hear from your friends, pro, every time you go across the border, they'll give you $2,200. So there's guys on the radio in Spanish speaking radio in San Diego telling guys how they went back and forth four times in a month. Yeah. And then they had eight grand in a month. Jesus. Yeah. So they're living nice just by crossing back and forth and just continuing to do it. Well, did you read the story about the guy? I think it's from Venezuela. I had to make a move. He's telling people how to get over the border and then squat in houses and like how you'll just get like, you know, it's like they won't throw you out of their house. It's not like we're from you can just get in the house and then you can stay there. Yeah. [1:05:06] You got a Yeah, he got arrested. He got arrested. He locks on her own home. Uh-huh. And then- That's me is crazy. They're also saying in New York, if you're in a house for 30 days, you legally become a tenant. That's right. Yep, that's right. If you get mail sent to the place in your name, it's yours. That is bananas. That is crazy. Dude, I love this story. at every, you know, March and rally and he was like big antifu and communism and he met someone there and the guy was like Hey, can I crash with you? And the guy was like yeah, sure So he brought him and his girlfriend and stayed on the couch and have turned two weeks the guy wouldn't let The homeowner into his own house and he had to call the police Which is like against their religion And they're like we're not to tell you holy shit That the best? Oh my God, that's hilarious. That's amazing. I was talking to friends of mine. There's like, it's like over a thousand squatter situations in Atlanta and they're like, well, it's only a thousand. The population is this big. It doesn't really matter. I'm like, dude, 10 people doing it is alarming. [1:06:02] A thousand is crazy. That's crazy. That means they know how to do it. They know the loophole. Yes. You need to tighten that loophole up. You fuck it. People are so smart. They know how to joc the system. A hundred percent, especially criminals and fraudsters, which is the type of person who's got, I mean, you imagine they're filming them. This is my house. Yeah. They're filming. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I don't give a fuck dude, this is where I live now. And they know that you have to pay them to get out, and that's what a lot homeowners do. But the problem is that another person who's just gonna jump in. Well, in the eviction process is so long and you have to hire a lawyer, you have to go to court. And that's all on the homeowner. Good luck trying to sell the place, because if you're not there in the like a dirty piece of paper, I have a lease. And it's like a happy face and a house by the way. Yeah, this guy was explaining how he did it. This guy was explaining how he did it in this YouTube video. He was saying that you get a fake lease. So you draft up a fake lease. You use that lease to get the power and things turn in your name. You pay the bill. [1:07:01] Like there's a bunch of different steps that you can do that just seems to indicate that you are the legal resident and then they have to take it to court and it could be months and months before you even get a trial yeah, where do they stay? The homeowner. They're fucked. They're fucked. They're fucked. It's so crazy that in the name of protecting tenants which is important, you don't want a shitty landlord your protectants but in the name protecting tenants you're you're basically allowing people steal people's houses for sure and not just one if Atlanta has a thousand what is the number of people they're squatting currently Jamie in the United States try Google I mean I just did the census why don't you ask chat G.P.T. it's not only that they's squatting. Let's see what that bitch says. You see how they abused the house, too. They'll like smear shit on the walls. They'll do all kinds of things. Like Dijkstra did that. So I'm like, you really own this? He's mansion. He says America Business in August 2010. [1:08:06] Well, the late Dijkstra did it and it was his mansion. Yeah, and they were like a victim. And he's like, all right, I'm gonna take a shit on the floor. So it was, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then didn't Gretzky buy the house? He bought it from Gretzky. Oh, he bought his house here. And then he shit all over it when they were taking away from him. Fuck you. Not cool. That's like when you go to a friend's house, you have a party and like that last guy who has nowhere to go. He's like, hey man, you know, we can... It's like, this is a different level, you're honor. No, the guys you can't get out of your parties are the worst. Yeah, that's the main reason why people don't want to have parties. I don't know, no, no. The one guy who won That's all right. I can tell you that people leave my podcast studio. Especially when you get a little drunk and they just don't get the hints. Yeah. And you're like, you are drunk, you must leave. Lights out. What? What are you doing, man? Are you fucking? Yeah. Are you fucking tripping, bro? God, what was that guy? It's five in the morning. [1:09:00] Yeah. I would just curl up on their welcome mat like a cat. Like, at the next day. That's what happened that guy had the Kansas City Chief forning and then the guys go outside. They're like, dude, can't we just hang a little bit longer? You know, maybe a warm up. He's like, no, you gotta go. And then they all like, the popsicles outside. Really? Yeah. How many of them died?? But it was not just such a bad hang that you end up freezing to death. It was like some controversy to that story. Like the, they don't know. Yeah, the story seems fishy. There's something with, it might have been drugs, it might have just been like, you know, they died somewhere else and he put them out there. You know, I think there was some controversy with the guy who called it in like they didn't he didn't do it quick enough I forget what it was they were high they were very high though You know they're drunk and they were just doing powder a bit something like that maybe oxies Yeah, that's why they just fell asleep outside. That's okay. It was chat GBT So as my last update in January 2022 [1:10:02] I don't have access to most recent statistics on the number of people squatting in houses in the US. Squatting is often a complex and under the hood issue. That's a government. Containing accurate data can be challenging to do its illegal and unauthorized nature. You may need to consult recent studies reports or data from relevant or do-insert agencies for the month. Well, this is chat GBD4. Chat GBD5 would be like, I know how to get them out. Here's your plan. You can send a robot. When I'm quick, I don't know the full thing in Atlanta, but the first article I pulled up said it was about. 1,200 homes. Yeah. That was awesome. There were institutional investors. I don't know how many of them are people buying houses and never living in them and they're just faking houses everywhere, you know? What? Like Airbnb's type things? It was a bunch of Airbnb's, you know, like kind of situations going on right now or a bunch of so they're like moving in the Airbnb and they just stay. It could be. I know that they're definitely people doing that because this lady videotaped this woman who wouldn't leave her place. She's like, I'm not going nowhere. And you have to keep the light. She bitch is in my fucking house. And she's cooking my fucking kitchen. Shit out of them. And then just know you'll be out the next day. [1:11:07] Probably it's already everyone's aware that this is an issue already by then. So now they've got their eye on you. And you can't really just say this person is in my kitchen. They attack me. You know, you'd have to fight to the death. You have to keep the lights and the heat all that on as the homeowner, because if you shut it off, that's like a big red flag. Like you're not allowed to do that. Well, they might not even be allowed to be in the home. I think a lot of this came in New York City from the till program and well in the 70s with all the houses and buildings just being completely abandoned and turned to shit. Yeah. A lot of people were squatting. That's right. Because they were like homeless, so they were like, all right, well, we have to figure this out so that we don't have all these people on the street. You know, Tom and then they just didn't change it. Yeah. In the 80s, I remember they, they, back, I guess that was like a Giuliani thing, actually, where they were like, we got these squatters in these buildings and we want to repurpose the building, you had to get all these people, I had already set up power and all kinds of stuff from the buildings. [1:12:06] So the cops were going and then you would just see like a rush of like skinhead looking dudes flying out through the park and they would like toss the whole pop rockers. It was crazy. And it was just like they were squatters. They were like, you know, three kids that were living in these buildings. Yeah. Where the fuck did they go? That's when some of the best music came out in New York City They were all music. They're all 80s squatting together. Yeah, probably right? Yeah totally agnostic front and you know Bad brains and everything they were all squatting Chromeags makes you legit Yeah, well as a homeowner. That's one of my biggest fears squatting. I'm on the, that's one of my biggest fears. Squatting. I'm on the road, I come back. So it's a new house. Hello David. If it's New York, some lady just, they think this lady got murdered because she went into the house that was her house to clean it up and there were squatters living there and then they fucking killed her and put her in a bag. [1:13:00] Yup. Jesus. The cutting them up. That's the thing and then there's you know then the problem is like good luck catching them You know, they're just gonna there's no paperwork on these people. There's wandering around the street the city Squatters suspected of killing woman in New York City apartment stuffing her body into duffel bag Yeah Victims found squatter in mother's vacant apartment Squadron in Mother's vacant apartment. One of the horrible witnesses. Vittels was killed after she traveled to New York City from Spain to get the apartment ready to be occupied by a family friend. It had been vacant for months after the death of her mother. Police sources say Vittels didn't know when she went to the apartment. The two squatters had been living there and when she arrived, she could be seen on surveillance video coming and going from the apartment police believe the two squatters returned to the apartment after vatels arrived surprised and killed her by beating her to death how do these waters are they on sale like what the fuck are they doing fine they just don't replace it from someone someone figures out that [1:14:02] there's an apartment that's empty Jesus oh my god wow what a horrible death two suspects went to use car dealers after the crash looking to buy a car they remain at large so they beat her to death and they're at large video stealing her lexas from the street wow and fleeing the car police said sources said was later involved in accident in Pennsylvania. Well they'll get them when they have to charge when they charge the lexas. They don't make a lecture cars. Oh sorry. Lexus is a Japanese Toyota Toyota believes in hybrids. Oh Toyota has a different strategy for EVs. Can you be, can you imagine being a vicious murderer and getting away in a Prius? Yeah, that's the car you want to take. People wouldn't, unless you have too many stickers on the back, they'll be fine. Just a bunch of co-exist stickers. [1:15:00] You're probably really aggressive about your insistence and everyone co-exist. Wow. Did you guys see that video that Edward Snowden posted that shows Israel bombing these kids? No. They're just walking in Gaza. Where? It's horrible, dude. It's horrible because they're clearly not armed. Snowden? They're just walking in the world. Yeah, Edward Snowden put it on his Twitter and it's these these young men are just walking He's down the street and they Yeah, he's still in Russia, right? Yeah, yes to hide in Russia So these guys are just walking on the street And this they know clearly not armed this is like after the bombings and everything these people were probably Going back see if their houses there who knows what the fuck they're doing, right? What if they thought they were squatters you they Look how quick it happens. Oh So that guy in the front is running away. Yeah, yeah, I got to get the fuck out of here and so they zoom in on him [1:16:04] Stop running. Oh, they got him too. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's the way they do it. I mean, there's nothing left to you. They're literally targeting you with a missile. Yeah, you just disappear. Look at that. Is it a missile or is it a drone? What's a missile coming from a drone? Probably. Or I mean, it might be coming from somewhere else. I, like a plane. I believe it's a drone though. Isn't that what the contention is? For sure. Wow. Yeah, so they have drones that can do this, which is so insane, dude. And they're not showing you the bodies because it's just a bloody... Wait, you know, it's so creepy. Have you seen those drone videos in Ukraine and Russia? really good quality and then they dropped a little bomb on the guys and then they put like Russian techno music over it. Yeah. And like it's so creepy. It's so creepy. You just see guys hanging out. And then they just explode. Yeah. Well, that's what they say now is that they can see everything at all times. So it's really hard to like use like tactics where like we'll sneak up on them on the, you know then we'll go this way they can't do it anymore it's like those those kind of tactics are old now they can see you do everywhere satellites are [1:17:10] everywhere satellites are everywhere they have silent drones if you see a drone come where you just like why accept death he's got to think this tarp will help them you know but it's our book. What's that? Yeah, God. Just trying to see if I have here for the. Oh, so you hear it been shot? Oh, here it is. Oh my God, dude. It's pretty amazing how they figured that out. Oh, I didn't go. Just drop a bomb from a fucking drone and cook everybody. You should be able to hear it, right? If it's a civilian drone, because they make that loud, like that buzz, and then it's pretty, it's like maybe... Can we shoot it down? A hundred feet. Yeah, they have a shoot down, they also have that like EMT blast on it, where they can basically take control of the, or stop the signal and then it'll just land. It's like a perk and call a duty. It's insane. Yeah, but I'm sure they probably have ones [1:18:05] that avoid that stuff now. I think they just keep getting these things better. How silent are the drones now? Oh, did you hear about the drones that were hovering over the base? That they'd think of from China and they had been hovering over there for weeks. I didn't read that one, but yeah, I heard it's it's updated the balloons. It's a what you'll call it. What base was that again? Jim I'll find it. I've got this story. Somebody sounded to me. I saved it, but it's it's a scary story because it says for weeks. Man, I you know, I hate the jinks, but it's like, you know, these things you can just buy and that the fact that, you know, luckily, no people in this country have used it like like the way they're using it We're really lucky. I mean honestly think about all the situations Are we luckier as it just a matter of time? Well evidently whatever they're doing is like you know Just think of like New Year's Eve all those different like gatherings, you know a game, you know [1:19:00] It could be even like high school stop giving the enemy ideas. Oh, sorry. Yeah, fuck. I'm trying to connect to our you know it could be like i stopped giving the enemy i think i'm sorry i'm trying to connect to our you know what you're called your first-year first responder fan base your contractors and what not but i'm sure that's a big uh... keeps them up at night thinking about that stuff you know that fucking videos horrible all those videos are hard for the video those guys and causes horrible we go back to sharks how about the well i was gonna going to say the Ukrainians have those those drones now that take out the ships you know the sea babies they call them. Look at this. This mysterious drone swarmed Langley Air Force Base for weeks. For weeks. The unidentified drones were such an issue that assets were called in from around the government including NASA, WD, WB 57 high altitude jet. Wow. So what does it say these things looked like? Yeah. A dragon. The Chinese dragon. That would be a dope way for China to show. It really flexed. [1:20:01] Make it drone. Looks like a dragon. Does it say what the description of these things were? that's the f 35 that's what i think a lot of this alien shit is uh yeah that's what they're saying now too a lot of it i think it's drone technology that we they wanted mid-two we don't know that they out there yeah uh protect operational security we did not discuss impacts to operations. The statement said we don't discuss our specific force protection measures, but retain the right to protect and the installation. Langley continues to monitor our air space and work with local law enforcement and other federal agencies to ensure the safety of base personnel facilities. Does it say? It says you hear a UAS uncrewed aerial system, a number of UAS is fluctuated and they ranged in size and configuration. None of the incursions appear to be extra bit hostile intent. But anything flying in our restricted airspace can pose a threat to flight safety. [1:21:00] Interesting. uncrewed aerial system. It could also test the reaction time, you know. Is that like a drone? Yeah, it must be. uncrude aerial system. It could also test the reaction time, you know. It's like a drone. Yeah, it must be. It must be a drone because that means they're not saying it's a UAP. Those are our drones. What is the most sophisticated drone currently available? But Google most sophisticated nuclear or most sophisticated military drone. That we know of? Yeah, just Google that term. Most sophisticated military drone. Picture of Obama. Pops up. They have the ones that are like little fighters now. They're like able to do turns that no human could take. Do they have little ones that buzz and have like machine guns on them? Look at this one. Well, that one's, yeah, that's a spy That's cool that can fly for days Okay, so here we got Dissult neuron that is cool. Look at these fucking things with the propeller in the back Wow, they must be loud shit though, no [1:22:01] Mm-hmm. They have a better they have a power plant in them Well, I guess I mean it's a power plant in them well I guess I mean it's a engine I guess it's a means yeah rolls Royce engine yeah shout out to rolls turbocharged that'd be loud right turbocharged piston engine yeah that'd be loud 450 horsepower that's pretty fast for that little thing it is cool yeah you see the ones with Ukraine with the boats whether like taking out the fast for that little thing. It is cool. Yeah. You can see the ones with Ukraine with the boats, like taking out the Russian Navy. That is pretty cool how they did that. Whoa, look at that thing. Look at the size of it. That's huge. Holy shit, I know they were that big. Look at that. Wow. That's a crazy flying, flying, and murder you how nutty is that? That's one of those things where it just like flies over like every phone call like it immediately saps it up But which one of these have missiles so some of these must be just spies that one does Yeah, those are the hell fires. I think yeah, then you gotta you have to [1:23:02] Make it so it can have missiles. I think they can probably do that any of it. Look at the little one though guys has in his hand Can I play too I'm just annoying Yeah, I guess they wouldn't make one that couldn't shoot a missile the little one just collects gossip and they couldn't shoot a missile. The little one today. Collects gossip. Get's he's fecky. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's two missiles and one of those two things beside the missiles. Oh, rocks. Rocket missiles are just different kinds. Wow. These can probably go really far. They might be guns. Might be defensive. Maybe. Right, to shut like flares and shit. They had a ground. Because they do that when someone's shooting a missile at them. They'll shoot off a flare to detract the heat seeking missile. [1:24:00] And then these are just the ones we know about because there's gotta be some shit. Oh yeah, for sure. Again, that's what I think a lot of that stuff is that people are reporting. You think? Yeah, that's what I think. I think a lot of these things that people are seeing that they think are UFO is just some super sophisticated propulsion system that you can keep in mind. Some of them are really creepy though. Like the way they hover around or fly around, like the one they showed like one or two from in the middle least, just like it did look like it was either you a foe or a monster or some kind of like this one that looks like like a jellyfish, but it's flying around. It's got like stuff hanging on with it. Like what is that, you know? That one's very weird because that one goes in the ocean too. That one. That one's scary. It goes into the ocean and then it comes back. I'm right, I told you last time we looked, I looked something up like this. This thing came out and it's so cool. It says it's a drone. And it goes underwater. And it goes underwater. But it never, I couldn't find anywhere that this thing was being sold. It was like, had like a Kickstarter type program like 10 years ago and one. Where, what's the propulsion system? [1:25:05] That's the, it may have not ever been real and people were watching. No, I don't think it's real. I think it's a basketball. You could be on the news. I'm really do. Look at how the bottom where it's screwed down. I think that's like a volleyball or a basketball or something. I think it's totally fake. I think it's because there's no method of propulsion. Like you can't just have a basketball that flies. Liquid gravity and shut the fly up. It says fear-shaped no outside propellers are moving parts, but then it doesn't say how it flies. It's like golf ball. I don't know, just don't video of it. Exactly. They use a golf ball as one of them. Shut the fuck up. That thinks fake, it's fucked. It's got one on it You have to have an exhaust. Every fucking propulsion system that we know of right now has to have either a fan, like you gotta have a propeller or you have to have an engine that shoots stuff out the back and makes you go forward. So these things that people keep seeing that don't operate like that, that's what makes me think the government has something that doesn't need a traditional combustion engine [1:26:03] for a propulsion system. They're not gonna have it on Google. Yeah, they're not gonna tell you shit. Yeah, they're not gonna tell you shit. I wouldn't tell them, I wouldn't tell the whole world what we could do for the fuck out of here. I just make it better every year. To the point where it's basically a UFO. And if you just think about the unlimited amount of money that they've had and they've been designing military vehicles and jet engines and fucking they've been doing that for decades Yeah, all that time making one thing that no one knows about better and better and better and better flying around area 51 Mm-hmm. I bet there's a lot of those that the people are seeing that they're like oh my god, they're real They're like they're just like yeah aliens are real but it's just us testing but and also I think aliens are real I think I do too yeah in what way I'm hoping they are I really am hoping they are real I really do you seem quick no I didn't say I didn't ever say that I didn't believe it I think the things you're just talking about I'm like some of them are [1:27:03] secret projects some of them are aliens that's what I'm hoping. There is definitely another presence here, like in this world or whatever it is. You know? And that there has to be something to explain a lot of these sightings, which are not explainables. So it's real likely that both things are true. Because it just doesn't make any sense with the universe as big as it is that there's no one else out there. And if they do develop the ability to go way past where we are, they should be able to be invisible. That should be easy. They should be able to come here anytime they want. That should be easy. You look at a species like ours, like that's this intelligent as the human species. If we got one million years more advanced, one million years more than who the fuck knows what we can do. We're gonna be weird in five years from now. Five years from now with AI, things are gonna be off the charts weird. So imagine that just keeps going for a million years, [1:28:01] which is really possible. I mean, crocodiles have been around for fucking 65 million years or whatever. It's totally possible. Well, do you remember that cab driver in Vegas that told us? This guy's very UFO. What do you tell? A lot of UFO stories. This guy. He told it. What was the portal? One of the casinos of the portal for aliens. Oh, it's got to be sure. He said there's a secret railway under like the MGM Grand and that's where aliens are coming from area 51. It's like I'd never even heard of this theory and it was like no, it's true. Oh, that's hilarious. And yeah, he had a lot of them. There's no way 250 humans at one time would wanna go to a casino. Yeah, that was his joke at the end. The joke? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I don't know if he was driving us or driving away from his ex-wife, but we were driving for a long time If I was gonna be an alien I want to abduct some people though. I think Vegas would be a good spot No, I wouldn't miss him. Yeah, yeah, probably that they'd be so confused like I don't know what I think someone spiked my drink Also now is on an alien spaceship [1:29:06] Uh-huh and in Vegas everything goes like there's always like a new thing to do. So that would definitely become like a like the spear, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Or imagine if there was like an abduction program, like you could actually get abducted. And instead of like abducting us and just ruining people's lives, what if we made a deal with the UFOs? Hey, listen, you guys got it all wrong. We're willing to get abducted. Yeah. You can take us on board and do experiments on people. We don't care. We're totally willing to be your guinea pig. Oh, influencers would try to do that. It was your heartbeat. 100% live streaming while getting your anal probe. It's worth it. Yeah, if they really wanted to come and abduct us, we would be more than willing to let them. You don't really have to force us. What if the aliens are, is technology in terms of how advance it's gotten in such a short period of time and then the people using it are just basically drones that are using this exposed technology? Well, it's possible that that's the future of life. [1:30:02] The future of life is we integrate with technology. And that's the only way, because like the biological evolutionary process is really slow. But the technological evolutionary process is really fast, like crazy fast. Like you can have a whole new thing in a year. Whereas like a whole new species, like God, how does it even happen? You know, how does it even happen? How does it even happen? And then species are hybrids, they're not valuable. So like some of them aren't, some of them aren't. And it's like, what? How long does it take to make a human out of a monkey? How long does it take to make a monkey out of an amoeba? It's too long. They don't have that time. It's too long. That's too long as people laugh up. If you can integrate with technology, then you have an insane ability to adapt. And then probably you just stop being a person. Probably we'll realize that once. I think that's already out there. People stop being people. Well you can't say, we have a little bit, right? Yeah. You know, the whole set of people to Mars, [1:31:00] like I was looking at like how long it takes to get anywhere. It takes about six days, three days to get to the moon, which is doable. That's why the moon is the way to go. Mars is nine months to a year. But then the other planets, let's say we're in a, whatever, at our current ability to travel, Jupiter, 25 years. And there's really nothing there except for that I, I, O, moon, whatever that is, I'm hoping not seeing it wrong, but like the fact that like we're not built for outer space and yet we keep craving this whole thing when you're right, it should be some kind of techno hybrid of a human something that would be able to do that, you know. Yeah, and it'll probably if you become a machine, you're sort of a person, you don't have to worry about being crushed by gravity because you'll have a carbon fiber hole. And all your orgasms will happen from an app. And then you'll be able to do it. I'll be able to do it. I'll be able to do it. I'll be able to do it. I'll be able to do it. I'll be able to do it. I'll be able to do it. I'll be able to do it. I'll be able to do it. like what are you gonna do for 25 years? They should put you in sleep. You're gonna play in video games the entire flight. It's gonna be amazing. [1:32:06] I've been preparing for years. You're gonna prepare for years. Six months of video games that go by on your trip to Mars. It'll be so quick, I just have a local area network set up and you and the other astronauts just fucking geeking out all day. Oh shit, they come from your Gargaflank! Target like You fucking just drinking mountain dude Smiling yeah if you knew that you didn't have any responsibilities other than playing video games You know quick six months could go by that sounds like hell though. You know Not for me all the games all the games. I mean don't you want to get up and move around maybe? No, is there maybe if you just put that fucking Mark Zuckerberg headset on you could pretend you're moving around Is there a dick sucking robot? That could be definitely not. Okay, I'm in. That's common. That's probably already here. Probably you already have that in China. They're probably testing it out right now. What is it called again? The XFAM bot or something? Which one's in Seoul? It's sex style but it's whatever you have to, I don't know. Those are coming. Those are coming. [1:33:05] Yeah. If you see that robot that like cooks and like sets up your kitchen for you, the robot like puts plates away and shit, they already have a- I think it's called a wife. Oh, you son of a bitch. Yeah, there's a new AI-powered chat GPT robot that does simple tasks around the kitchen. But it communicates with you like a person even says, um, it's very weird. Oh, like it's thinking. It goes, um, so the reason why I did that is I'm putting these plates away in this rack and I'm, you know, you'll dump garbage on the table and say, please clean that up. It's surely, let me just pick. Look at this. Why? Why? Why you did what you just did while you pick up this trash? On it. So I gave you the apple because it's the only edible item I could provide you with from the table. Oh yeah, it's so weird., look at that. What? [1:34:05] Yeah. Great. It stands too. Based on the scene right now, where do you think the dishes in front of you go next? So it's analyzing the image. It's slow right now. It's on the table like that plate and cup are likely to go into the drying rack next. Why does it sound like it's narrating this American life? It's got a raspy voice. Yeah. It's like a dude. He's weird. That really looks like a puppet. It doesn't look like a robot. No, man. It does a lot of other things. That's amazing. Look at that. It's truly amazing. The addition to the drying rack. Does it apologize if it makes a mistake? If it breaks your dick, yeah. Rips it right off. I'm sorry. I applied too much force. So I bad. Well that eventually have like a skin covering or will look like that. Oh yeah, 100%. It's been pretty well. The apple found its new owner. The trash is gone and the tableware is right where it belongs. My cold bullshit. You don't see that guy's face every time he talks that guy is a ventriloquist [1:35:16] Hey, buddy, how about you get behind the table with him? Yeah, let's drink a glass of water Fucking fraud show it dynamic walking the dynamic walking one is wild So this thing by the way it doesn't have to have that jump out of the way over its chest, but it doesn't want you to kill it. It looks bullocked. Get off the shoot it in the lens. But look at it walk around and move. Amazing. That's amazing. And think about like a Model T and then think about a Tesla. Okay. A Model T is a slow, shorty or... Look at him, look at his hips move. Sexy. That's crazy. And then wild. But think about a Model T, right? Model T's like big, stupid wooden wheels. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is really nuts. Look at that. That's amazing. That's the old thing. I was just going to go that I could do this. Look how agile The cow had a child. This is Boston Dynamics. It's more up to you this year ago. And so they can do all kinds of things. [1:36:06] They can, they can, fucking saw wood. They can do construction. They can hop up on boxes. Look at this. This is before AI, right? So. Well, they had AI, but they didn't have AI available to everybody. Because now in the future, you'd look at something like this and go like this probably not really happening. This is just AI's. This is real. I've seen this. Yeah. They programmed it to hop around gay. That is amazing. And then they programmed to toss the stuff up to them. This is so much better than a lazy dock worker. You know, some guy doesn't like his job and needs a cigarette break. Look at that. Look at that. It's ready to go. And if they figure out how to make it. Whoa! Oh, yo, it does that in that X. It's a gymnast. And if they figure out a way to make very small, nuclear powered engines, which I think they're all doing, I think there isn't there, is it China that has a small, nuclear powered power plant? [1:37:02] Yes. So they'll be able to make a nuclear powered power plant that's the size of a fucking cell phone and stuff it in that thing. It'll be able to go for 90 years. Holy shit, like a battery, like a nuclear power plant. They already have that with the use of the power. Like they used to do it for spacecraft, but you're right. Then it would be endless. Nuclear battery produces power for 50 years without needing to charge. That's crazy. Vade of Volt says it's battery could power mobile phones that never need to be charged and drones that can fly forever, forever. Would you really want a nuclear power phone though? That's the one thing. Fuck yeah. You would? Yeah, all the balls to grow. I'm talking to a charge. That's one of those, I don't know about that. I'm willing to wear like an external case to put the phone in. It's like some sort of a shield from the I'm sure the government wouldn't allow these companies to sell it if it was dangerous. So just no, let's just let it get out there. And let's just see what happens. See what happens. It's all where they may. Sure. Don't be a pussy. Don't you want to accept? I like the robot thing. You want a robot. We're gonna get robot fucked all four shizzies. People are so anti-robot already. [1:38:06] They had the, what was that in San Francisco, the self-driving taxi, they bled it on fire. What's in that? It was like basically like the Amish people, it's like the, you know, like they attacked it, they destroyed it. Yeah, but they do that to regular times. Yeah, yeah. This is again, this is a sampling bike. You got homeless crazy fentanyl zombies that are just trying to smash everything. People leave their fucking windows rolled down and they're keys, you know, like in Canada, they're telling them to leave their keys outside. They're for you. They're telling them to leave your keys like near the door so that people don't have to roam through your house and they're trying to steal your car. Yes. Really? Home evasion. don't have to roam through your house and try to steal your car. Yes. Really? Yes. Oh, invasion. Jesus Christ. They said, listen, to make it easier, just leave the keys outside. Like what? How about to new low? Stop people from stealing my fucking car. What am I paying in taxes for? You fuckheads? It's like clean needle centers. Or like if you're gonna do the drugs, you're stealing needle centers are a lot more reasonable. I like that kind of drug. I reverse this plan so I'll police robots to kill suspects. Yeah. But this is how bad San Francisco's got [1:39:10] that this was a suggestion. Yep. They actually have a robot. They're like not yet, not yet. Let's wait till things go really sideways. Are they working on like technology for us to read thoughts? Oh yeah. What about like learning what our cats are thinking? I want to slow down on the one. You know what I know. You're cats are thinking I wish you were small so I could eat you. No, not my cat. My cat's gone. I love you. When you die they eat you almost immediately. Good. I want to be one with my cat. Let's take a piss break because I got a piss too. Yeah, Let's pause this bitch right here. What the fuck are you doing, Dave? You're living in 1995. Yeah, yeah. You know he sends me emails with nobody and everything's in the subject? I can't believe you. How long is the subject? It's so long. I forget to say one of those. [1:40:01] To return. So it's all up there. Yeah. It I forget to go to the return so it's all up there. Yeah It's the best this is how about the great sound when I'm doing it like more scotness How long does this take for you to accomplish this? I'm done So you don't have a iPhone at all any I have one too, but this is me off the grid. Yeah, this is my When shit happens right here. I'm ready to go. So what do you use that one for like who do you text on that? No, this one's like just like look for all my texting the other ones for emails. Wait a minute. This is not on one. You text on that. Yeah So when I text you you text me on that. I do can't you feel it? Hold Ten spaces in between words saying that is so I'm sending you a text right now. I want to say it happens. That is so insane This is good. Oh my God. Yeah, it comes up green. [1:41:00] Just wait, wait for the sound, Dave. You texting or you're calling? I'm texting you. Tell me about your upcoming weekend at the mothership. Might take a while. No, it doesn't have voice to text either, does it? No, he doesn't. If it did, I wouldn't do that anyhow. Really? I'm like super paranoid with the web and everything. So this is like, this is like, but yeah, you have an iPhone. I do, but you know, that's what's called bait and switch. Mm-hmm. Okay, let's see if I get it. Did you get it yet? I did. No. Okay. I didn't get it. I didn't make the sound. Your name isn't always makes sounds. Every time you text a button, it makes the sound. Yeah. That doesn't drive you to the end. It really annoys people too. Yeah. So it takes you in. Four presses to get an ass still. You get an ass still, you're doing that thing? Yeah. You gotta really want it. That is so nuts. I can't even find your thing yet. It'll take me days. Do you remember when people started using you, like the letter U instead of while you? Because of that. It's time saver. Just a little time saver. It doesn't even have emojis on it. [1:42:01] Like any emoji is like, these still uses emoticons like a colon and a parenthesis I've heard sometimes to first smiley face well I you guys done with this tech beat down like I'm a tech hoarder come out of the house buddy come on we love you how long have you been flip phone I I never I have one in my house was I'm sure is worth a lot of money because it has the antenna on it. So that's like my retirement plan. I'm gonna sell that to a museum or some collector or something like that. Let's get that little like, and I'm like, man, I can't believe like we actually used to think this did something like. Yeah. Oh, I can't really hear you. Hold on a second. Yeah. Can you be too clear? Let me put it down just a little bit. I think I probably did a little something. Yeah, but you had one of these. Yeah, actually that reminds me of a story about you know, Bill, uh, Balloonman Rath, you know what he said to me he goes, you know, back in the day, one of the comics who always worked was Joe and you know why I go, why? He goes, he had a cell phone before anybody else. So whenever there was a fallout, I would call Joe. Joe was there. Joe wanted [1:43:05] it. And I was like, wow. So it was like a cool story about like just as we went from, like, you know, calling someone on a landline to like his cell phone and that you were ahead of the game. This is like 89. Easy. I'm on my car. Easy. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how it was for the young comics. You know, having a car was a good thing. Oh my God, you needed a car to get around. If you didn't have a car, you're not getting the gigs. You had to have someone drive you the gigs. Yeah, that didn't happen. Because I could get a car from Bloon, right? Like, hey, someone just got sick. That was it. Yeah, that was insane. In two hours, there's a gig in New Hampshire. Can you make it like I'm on my way? That's awesome. Yeah, because you wanted it. Yeah, and he would tell me over the phone. Okay, you're gonna take the four or five North. Yeah. You're gonna take it right into town. So I have these pieces of paper that were like, you know, Dicks, chuckle, fuck, whatever the place was. Cause Dictarty had a bunch of them. Dictarty, like the comedy vault. That's awesome. That Boston scene must have been like, cause you know, talk about in New York, [1:44:06] like you know, starting out, I always felt like there was definitely more rooms, like more open mics and stuff like that. But Boston, like you kind of like, they were paying gigs if you could do them, you know, if you could headline. And there was so many local great headliners that like you really like swimming with sharks basically. I mean, it was like so many guys that could just like basically, you know, not blow you off the stage at any minute You know, and they would do it to people on purpose. They did it to me. I know that with a Nick really they do it They would just cut like the hooky-low or something like that like you know I might have a little time and there was like 40 minutes of solid, you know every Every Boston thing they could throw at me and then I'm up there with my like you know you know little people jokes To be polite Hey you guys Lepor guns nothing You know go home you know screaming at you they did it on purpose to people Oh for sure and we deserve it too by the way [1:45:00] Well, they had an attitude about the rest of the world when it came to comedy They felt like the best comics were in Boston, but they all stayed in Boston. Whenever guys would come out from out of town that were like headliners, like national headliners, they would roast that guy. Oh, for sure. They would throw him after Don Gavitt and Steve Sweeney and Kevin Knox and fuck. It was such a wake up fight. But even the crowds themselves, like very, you know, very like, you know, you better prove it to be up there. If you're the closer, you better be the best guy here. Also, there was so many fucking headliners that they were just so used to a very high level of headliner. These guys were killers. You just pull out a comb to do your fucking mustache. Yes, I was hoping you were making eye contact with Dave. You just put a big share of everything. How often do you comb your mustache? A fair amount. Ever I feel the need. [1:46:00] Do you have a specific mustache comb or just use any old. I just got one from Walgreens or whatever.'ve seen them little tiny ones. They have a little tiny I don't like them that the teeth are too sharp and it hurts my little face You get a nice soft plastic one. Oh, yeah, yeah, you got to sometimes shickets in there, you know Trimmed it up today Don't want any loose hairs. I get it. I get it before I was I was bald I used to enjoy running a comb through my head. It's a nice scalp massage. Uh huh. Now I'm afraid my hair will fall out so I can't do it. It's looking at the demise. I know. Yeah. Oh no. I started going bald when I was like 18. Really? Yeah. What was that like? Lonely. This is a kid in my high school who's going balled at 15 everybody calling baldie. Oh God nickname baldie. That's horrific kids were brutal by they were they were fucking brutal in the 80s They were brutal in the 90s and 2000's and brutal right now [1:47:00] Yeah, they're beyond brutal. I think now. This is just heartless what they're doing, you know, yeah, that's like I don't know but we didn't have that web to like you know everything you Does yeah, and then also like get the clicks every time I was getting their ass kicked someone's fell in it Thank God that didn't exist My god, imagine How many dick pics you'd have out there in the world? Being trouble. Yeah, it was kids today. Yeah. These kids today. Teachers and students. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's wild. Teachers always fuck students. Those always like teachers fucking students. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but we didn't find out about it till later. Like did you hear someone say you used to fuck Mr. Blah Blah? There was always the like very advanced senior. It was banging the Spanish teacher. Rolling his Rs. It is funny like that's like professors and universities. That was kind of understood. That was part of the gig. That was yeah. Why do you do that? [1:48:00] I used to be a teacher and they're like never, ever be in a room with the door shut. You leave the door open all the time, you're never alone with anyone. I was like, yeah, this is fucking nuts. And I see some of the shit with what teachers share on the internet with them and like students. I'm like, this is such a violation of boundaries. It's crazy. What do you, you know, the homeschooling seems way better now like I was like I was teachers fuck their kids too seems like a better option for everything oh shit you know so I was like hey homeschool you must be weird now it's like I guess you're just being safe you know yeah you don't want you kid in doctorated either what do you think of a college now do you think it's waste of time yes well it's a player it depends on what you want to do if you want want to be a computer coder, good fucking luck. AI's gonna take over all that. There's so many jobs are gonna vanish over the next five years. But it's also like, it's such a rude, cruel thing to do to an 18 year old kid that has no fucking idea what they want to do for their life. Yes. And you force them into the debt. [1:49:00] Decide now and you force them into a debt that's insanely difficult to get out of It's way harder than just getting going bankrupt. It's hard to get out of that debt You're right. I got in trouble when I was teaching because I told all my students. I'm like Take the test to go to school, but pick up a trade it go to trade school instead of making money It's like the smart thing to do well if that's what you want to do But you know it depends on what you're trying to do with your life. Sometimes it's why you need to be a journalist. You should probably go to school. Yeah, but if you don't know what you're going to do, what you do, I guess that's what it is. Go out and get a job and know you can always go to college later. Yeah, but you won that window where you can kind of like take wild chances from like 18 to like 24, 25. Don't you like 25 everybody's like, hey get your fucking shit together. I do. Maybe even earlier than that if you're in the Northeast. But if you're already in a job and you're working eight hours a day, you're fucking tired. [1:50:01] The odds that you're gonna quit that and stop making money, you go to school, those aren't so high. I think it's harder on, you know, not to be the old guy, but like, this generation is taught that they're exceptional and then everything they do is like important. Whereas I think when I was growing up, it was like, no, nothing you do is really that important and that you're also gonna have to like, kind of work your way up in something. I think a lot of them see their peers, like, you know, they went to college, they dropped out, they started a company, or, you know, they're an influencer with a million followers. So they see success differently than we do. And like for me, it was like, yeah, you gotta like, kind of work your way up. Or like, you know, it's really about how much you want it, that kind of thing. Where now I feel like there's, there really is no game plan. It's really, it's kind of like, you're almost like a sucker if you kind of play the game. Also, fame is like much more attainable to regular people now than ever before. Yeah, especially if you're willing to do stupid things, [1:51:02] like pull pranks on people, or there's so many different things that people can do now that can get them attention. They're doing that as a source of a career. Yeah, but as a teacher, how can you make your kids do work? When they're like, no, I'm just gonna be a YouTuber. I have more followers than you, like shut up. Well, but the whole idea of fame is like, when I was growing up, it was like, you don't wanna be famous, that's like for, you know, like whatever, that's like, that's not cool. You know, you wanna be, you know, something like rough, you know, you wanna be like a lumberjack or something, you know, like, now these kids, even at young ages, they're like, fame is where it's at, that's where you get everything you want, give you everything you want. So it's like amazing, they've never worked the day in the life yet, they already know they don't want to work, you know. I saw the creepiest thing, my friends daughter took her phone and recorded her five years old and into the cameras, she just kept going, don't forget to like and subscribe. Don't forget to like and subscribe. Watch my videos, don't forget to like and I was like, dude, this is, that's an alien. That gives us the intrain to be an alien. Not the kid's choice, and you're exposing the kid [1:52:06] in the world. Yeah. It's dangerous, it's not smart, it's stupid, it's irresponsible. Yeah. We're just like that video we watch with the drone, like psychically we're not supposed to see that. Well, you definitely not supposed to see people get blown to be sensitive to these blown. Well, yeah, but even just now like we yes these things happen, but we shouldn't be aware of it and inundated with it every single day and every single second. Right, but that's the only way you find out about it to put pressure on people to stop it because if it doesn't leak like Edward Snowden doesn't put it out there and a bunch of people don't retweet it and get outraged by it, then it doesn't put pressure on the politician. Is that gonna stop it? Are they gonna stop? Stuff like that can change things. Stuff like that changes people's minds. Stuff like that changes people's understanding of what's actually going on. Because you keep hearing, oh no, it's the people that are dying. It's only Hamas uses human shields. Well, clearly that was not a human shield. [1:53:02] And clearly those people weren't endangering anybody and they didn't look like they were armed and they just blew them apart. Do you think the people making money off of this? Like do you think they really even care? They're going to keep going. They're going to care because the people are going to care because there's massive public outrage from things like this. And the more things like this happen, the less support you get for military budgets. And then you put pressure on the politicians that are voting for these things. And then, you know, all that stuff works. It really does have an impact. Because they don't want people to be so outraged that they revolt. They don't want people to pull a blood light on the whole government. Yeah. You know, because people who are trying to figure out a way to do that. There's a lot of people people are trying to figure out a way to do that. There's a lot of people that are trying to figure out a way to like put a stop to all this shit. So the more things like this come up, it's fuel for those people. Yeah, but the majority of people don't digest the news like we do in like a endless cycle you know, and like have time to really kind of think about it because I think that a lot of people I know of, they're really smart people, they just turn the news off. [1:54:07] They want, rather live in their own bubble that the news really makes them anxious and really makes them, and I'm like, well, you gotta know what's going on in the world, right? And then they kinda hit you with that whole thing of like, you know, they're telling you different, like, you know, everyone has a narrative world is not the way to go either. Cause like when you do have to venture out of that bubble, it's terrifying, I think. Especially like if you don't know what's going on. Right. If you don't, like there's some new thing that's happening, some new crisis, you don't know. You just walk right into it. I mean, yeah, it's like as like, you know, I'm just like, I'd like to see all sides of something, but not to make it political or anything. I think a lot of these people just decide to like, you know what, it's not for me. I'd rather kind of like work on my own, you know, some of it's mental health. It's just a lot of this stuff really shakes people to the core when they finally have to deal with it. So, you know, that's a reason why like board games are still around because people love the idea you can disconnect from the world and like you're in like your own little [1:55:06] World where you get to be God and here's the rules of it and stuff like that So you know there's something to that puzzles, you know, that's why For Milton Bradley For sure people like puzzles no people people wanted. That's like we're in that business. People want to get away from their problems. You know, fuck yeah. And I think people deserve to. 100%. But also like if you're poor and you're barely making ends meet, like you don't have time to worry about what's going on over here, like sure you can be informed, but it's so hard to be informed and not let it take a toll on you. Well, that's why the great luxury is the people that got, please don't do that. I'm not, I wanted to see if your message came. The great love, I'm telling you to text somebody with that fucking goofy thing. The great luxury of rich privilege kids is becoming an activist. Yeah, that's right. Those are the ones that are splashing paint [1:56:02] on the Mona Lisa and gluing themselves to walls. Those are all kids from privileged backgrounds who feel guilty and they have this insane view that you're just gonna stop oil now and the way to do it is to glue yourself to them. The Mona Lisa. But that's been going around since, you know, the 70s, there was a lot of rich kids that were involved. Of course, it's always rich kids. Because those are the kids that have the luxury of being able to go out and protest and do stuff like this. What else do I think it's like inherent guilt too? Oh, you've like, God, I feel so bad. What can I do? 100% especially today. Today you're being told that just by virtue of the color of your skin, you're a colonizer. Yeah. Some of these people that are in these protests, they haven't thought shit out at all. So they get confronted by influencers, right? And they ask them like real simple questions to get them riled up. Like what do you think we should do? We need to like give it to this country. We should understand. We try to dissolve the country. Does it get away from the capitals? [1:57:00] Get away from the capital. Like what? Dude, I saw the best thing. I went to a rally or like a, no, a protest. And it was during the summer of 2020 and you know, everyone's like marching and everything. And I wanted to go check it out. And this girl was wearing like an A cab shirt and chanting like, NYPD, Races, Pollies, and a cop was like, excuse me, Miss. You can't stand here and she goes, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And then I shifted and then started protesting again. It was all a cra- You fucking cra- You fucking cra- What the fuck? Should there wasn't a skit? That sounds like a skit. I saw it with my own eyes. Oh, must be real. Yeah, There's no way it could be fake. Yes. It was not fake. Oh, you saw it. You saw it. No, I was there. Oh, next to me. Next to me. That was in the crisis actor. That sounds like, if I saw that one on Instagram, I'd be like, come on. Oh, no, no, no. I was I was in Central Park for one and I swear to God this guy to sign and this super hot [1:58:08] Fucking girl went up to him and goes can I borrow your sign? Grabbed it turned around took a picture gave it back and left yeah Stolen man young guy just trying to trust anything today Anything So you're 20. Huh, Pussy? Where are we? Where? Well, what about why you always have these protests? You're not in them. Is that like the guy who goes to see the fires? I'm like, I'm like, you like this? I'm like a wannabe fireman. Like I like to go see firemen. I love firefighters. Good job guys. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you know the stats. Oh, yeah, I was a volunteer firefighter in high school I loved it way really high school. Yeah before 9 11. Wow. Yeah, not fighting fires. It's a great gig What if you're not fighting fires? It's a great gig to be a fireman Yeah, it's fine. Don't have to fight the fires Right. Oh, yeah, I'm going to a burning building. Well, in the firehouse, you're watching movies, making a fork dinner. [1:59:05] I was always in the pool room playing pool, so I could slide down the pole. Hey, good. And everybody beat me running down the stairs, but I didn't care. Yeah, I did it from like 16 or whatever to 18. And I was a junior firefighter, so I wasn't allowed to fight fires in the interior. I could just go from the exterior. And then we would go, we were like the bitches. We'd go and clean everything up and clean the trucks. And then I fought a car fire once at 2 a.m. cause I lived close to the house so you could hear the sirens. I showed up and it was me and two other guys. It was all volunteer. And they let me fight the fire myself and I was so nervous hood my helmet falls off and I left the hose running it was like it was like a Charlie Chaplin movie. It was hardest catch. Oh it was hard. It was so embarrassing. They're just in the truck laughing. I'm like sorry fellas. That's one of my fears the car fire. I mean that's a horrible death. What being in it? Yeah. Oh no it was a bad name. Yeah. I'm just watching. Watching it is cool but one of the worst ones I've ever heard is Northern California. [2:00:06] The wildfires. It just warmed the highway. Oh yeah. Killed everybody in their cars. Trapped, bumper to bumper. Can't get away. That's like Hell on Earth when they have the family driving, like trying to drive to safety and you just see all that sparks and all that. Oh fuck man. Dude, I've been evacuated three times, living in California. No shit. Fire burned two houses in front of my house. Yeah. And what do you do? Like, are you out there with a hoe? Like, what's the move? We got the fuck out. You got out, right? Yeah, I'm about. What do you grab? Nothing. Grabbed a laptop. Grabbed a laptop and some clothes. I'm like, get everything else. this place and do they have it to say alive because that's what it's like man when you see it when you see like Everything over the horizon is fire. Yeah, I mean from the left to the right everything coming over the hills is fire That's crazy and it's just Ignolping buildings you're seeing your neighbor's house on fire you just get the fuck out while you can and [2:01:02] I've been so they just did supposedly they have enough rain now for like until 2025 in California, but this saying like this should help like both the consumption and also with all that snow up in the northern California that it should like be like if there's a forest fire now what is that? Well, see this doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. If you have a wildfire like they had where those people died on the highway Those things are so big you can't even comprehend it. It's it's so hot There's so much fire It's literally thousands and thousands of acres around you are just engulfed in flames and it's moving at like 20 miles an hour Oh, sure Like you you're There's nothing happening that you're gonna do with water. Okay. In the other problem with getting a lot of rainfall, is you get a lot of growth. So you get a lot of grasses, wild grasses grow, and they're very tall. And then they dry out because it stops raining. Like it always fucking does, and everything turns brown. [2:02:00] And as soon as things get hot, and everything turns brown, it stops raining, that's when fire season happens. And it's a lot of it is fucking idiots throwing cigarettes out the window. A lot of it is people that are camping homeless people. And gender reveals. You know, they have the fireworks at the gender reveal. Everybody loses their house. How about like those guys to smoke jumpers, whatever the people they do that's the balls gig, but they didn't have that in Hawaii. They had nothing like that there. Like when that town went up, you know, it was all made of bamboo. I mean, it was crazy. Oh, you mean Maui? Yeah. Maui thinks crazy. Yeah. Maui was power lines downed. Oh, that's what it was. And what's in response time response time terrible to it was non-existent. Yeah, they never had anything like that happen there Yeah, but there was also a lot of problems like the people didn't want to release the water because the like the water It is owned like there's water rights. I mean water was going to the rich neighborhoods where the golf courses are Wow trying to get water and then there's also like how the fuck do you have a place that's this windy where you still have exposed power lines? [2:03:06] That seems insane man. That seems insane like every time those things fall down and you didn't clean up any of the brush around it It was of the conspiracy that they were trying to get it out of there so they could sell the land. Yes The crazy conspiracy is the direct energy weapons conspiracy people Bro the real tinfoil had is though, little corner yet. Like, what do you think about the director and energy weapon in Maui? Was that like a heart attack gun for fires? There's apparently the government has the ability, according to the conspiracy theorists of, and maybe even some real people, of having these things that they call direct energy weapons. So it's almost like a laser beam. And I know that these are things that they're working on. I know these are things that are probably top secret because it's always been discussed. There's been studies on how to do it and there's been papers written on it. So the conspiracy theory is that they lit those houses [2:04:01] on fire on purpose with direct energy weapons. And if you have a blue house, like with a blue ceiling, that the blue ceiling would somehow reflect against this energy weapon and stop your house from burning. No way. Oh yeah, not only that, but they used, because Biden did some speech. And then as you know, old kind of seen eye away, he was talking about some houses survived because they had the right roof and everybody's like see Blue roof. Yeah, so conspiracy theorists like literally painting their roofs blue to protect them from direct energy weapons Jamie, please go for this. No way this might have been one of those things that forechand started for a fuck Who then people and then people ran with it. Who knows? Or it might be just people that are out of their minds. Imagine your house burning up because like your wife or partner was like, no, don't paint it blue. Operation green roof. That's a thing. No way. Part of the conspiracy thing. What does that mean? What is Operation One? Post on X. One thing about getting people blue tarps to cover their roofs. That's not the same thing as well. [2:05:05] The tensed. Allegedly. Allegedly. But the social media post sharing, the post typically included video from a TikTok account that often shares clips of everyday items being burned by hand held industrial laser in a workshop. The clip shows that laser burning yellow, red, and green fabric while a blue swatch is unscathed with text saying it can be programmed for different wavelengths. So some lasers don't work on blue ceilings and these people think that it's the blue roof. They'll protect you. Someone said everything that's blue survived, including t-shirts. A blue car and some blue beach umbrellas around front street along the waterfront were not destroyed in the inferno. And the Blue Man group. They were playing in town. They were doing a road gig. That is really stretching it, if you ask me. Yeah, they're going hard on those. This is too much. [2:06:01] DEW stands for direct energy weapons which use technology like high energy lasers instead of projectiles like bullets. These videos are not evidence that they have anything to do with the wildfires. To start with they show what is the videos are saying? Hand flu of blue items in the fires aftermoth but other footage and photos show these were hardly the only things left standing. So So the thing about the direct energy weapon, is there videos of those things being used? Like is there like a, is a direct energy weapon a real thing, like 100%. So when you, I mean, that's different. I think it's true, it's like what you said lasers. So there's like videos of US government talking about direct energy weapons. Yeah. And you know, very broad terms. It's only like 15 bucks a shot. But they don't. It's true. No, they were saying that this will be the best way to like shoot down missiles and drone. High energy lasers and high powered microwaves. Oh, they just shot that thing. Nice. Almost looks like they're trying to video. Nice. [2:07:00] So they just shot that out of the sky But it's coming from a boat onto a boat that's I don't know And so what is it look I just lovely typing type in like isn't that a reason Asian guy? Instead of being airborne Ranger the computer guy wheeling the Asians and look Is D.I. Is it show what is that video at the bottom why the US military's investing billion? Directly well, yeah, I guarantee that's because they know how to do it. But by the time they're telling you their investing billions, they probably already invest billions. Sure. They probably figure out there was a video video claiming. Oh, claiming to show a directed energy weapon is actually an edited clip of an explosion in Russia That's not what I was trying to pull up man this stuff is there was a video of What looked like a laser coming out of the sky? Yeah, I saw that and like throwing a stormers somebody explained that that's that's cell phone video cameras like [2:08:00] glitching under the intense exposure of like a lightning bolt. Oh, it's something that light flashes and it creates like a distortion in some cell phones. I don't know if that's true though. So it's a natural thing. It's a natural thing. Would that look like a show that again? I don't know what I was even looking at. That's the video that you just showed. No, I know, but I'm trying to, I don't know what the hell they're showing because I can't hear the sound it's showing all sorts of stuff they're talking about whoa just images that were going viral during it some of them are real some of them are not they're smiling see like right there for instance that's a controlled burn at a Canton refinery in Ohio because of that light going to the sky right right but I thinks it's a little bit. I think it's still rainbow. Hmm. There's another one. Oh, that's not one. What is that one? Space X launch. Oh, that's interesting that people are doing that. But some people are in their fucking mind. There's a thing that happened though on Twitter too. I like, I feel like this doesn't get talked about sometimes. People are trying to get engagement money because if you build up an account that can get engagement, doesn't matter if it's good engagement, bad engagement, you just gotta get the numbers, [2:09:05] you can start getting revenue. So people are reposting real old viral videos, confusing people with shitposts like this. Right, right, right. Just to build up the five million views of the entire... But here's the real conspiracy about the fires. They haven't done any rebuilding. Those people, they weren't allowed to have insurance inspectors go in there. I don't know if they can now. That people still have to pay their mortgage on those things. Oh, jeez. And the thing is it's like if you're getting to this point where you don't have anything and you're you can't rebuild your house and you're fucked and then they come along and offer you a payment or something or you get foreclosed on because you haven't paid your mortgage and then the bank's on it and then whoever the fuck is the developer owns and then whatever they want to do for the better good of Maui they build there and then these people lose everything. This is what's really scary about it. [2:10:01] It's because like the way it's being handled is not like you're handling victims of a natural disaster that's horrific and took more lives than any wildfire in the history of this country. You're doing it like you are trying to figure out a way to take that from those people. You're not doing it like you're trying to support those people and build it back. You're doing it like if you know what's really going on, you're not asking for financial aid for these people to deal with their mortgages, and you're not asking for aid from the government in one of those giant Ukraine bills. It would take five billion dollars, right? Wasn't that what the money was? Five billion to rebuild all those houses? That's a drop in the bucket to what they're spending in Ukraine. And there's no consideration at all to do something for these fucking people. That seems like you don't want to do anything. They declared an emergency. I know when it happened like a federal, like that usually means they can activate all federal funds. And- Well, those people got a one-time payment of 700 bucks. Jesus Christ. [2:11:01] That's an outrage. That's an outrage. One-time payment. Do you wanna get more for stimulus checks? Yeah. That's an outrage. Yeah. Well, fucking FEMA, when Hurricane Katrina hit, I went down to help clean up and rebuild homes and stuff and they sent us to Foley, Alabama, because they still didn't get relief from Hurricane Ivan like years prior. Well, so there were still homes that's roofs blown off from Hurricane Ivan. So did they tell them we're gonna send down some high school firemen Don't don't hang up the phone We're sending some kids don't let them go to your strip. They're not popular in high school, but they want to be firemen They have all the weekend open. They don't have dates or friends They don't have dates or friends. That's amazing. That's what I know a guy just took the MTA test, and now he's an MTA guy. You know, there's a guy who drives the trains in the subways. So I'm like, I wonder what kind of training they give them now, because it's more than just driving a train. It's got to be like, you know, you got to make a choice now. [2:12:00] All right. We pull to the station. We the subways. So I'm like, I wonder what kind of training they give them now because it's more than just driving a train. It's gotta be like, you know, you gotta make a choice now. All right? Do you pull to the station or do you hit the homeless man who's on the tracks? Like what do you do? You know, like, well, kinds of hypotheticals. How many times the homeless people get got down there? There's so much going on in that situation like not even homeless people how many people get pushed by homeless people yeah yeah so it was push he had both of her feet yeah amputated cut right off on the videos are the best because the people video taping it aren't upset about the loss of human life their upset because they're late to late yeah like I got somewhere to be yeah so crazy yeah so crazy yeah pushing people onto the tracks thinks it's fucking terrifying. I think that's new if you ask me. That's something that's only the last couple of years. But also it's just so scary because it's random. At like 8 a.m. at a popular station. You know, 330 on the work commute. And you know how much that's gonna ramp up with people coming in from everywhere around the world [2:13:01] and not having any jobs that were promised to them and being angry at everybody and knowing they can get away with crime and already being a murderer. Already committing murder in your country and you got away with it. Now here you are in America and you're doing fentanyl. Multiple. Yeah, I brought that on here. And multiple people that are doing the pushings have been locked up so many times in their family. Like this person is sick. Yeah have tried we've dropped them off at a hospital and they keep getting released we don't know what to do but what can you do really but what what can't the government use one of the lasers outcome did all mean this was after the Reagan administration yeah they did all the nutty people well her all the repair was the guy who took that um you know he did that documentary on Creed what what was it like it was this? Alcohol's fault? Yeah, but it was like one of those, but he went to like an asylum, an asylum and he just saw people laying in their own filth and just how horrible it was. And that was the beginning of the basically the defund these psychiatric hospitals, through [2:14:01] medication, there were lots of release them into society again, and that's where people now like we really could use in a Sino-Loop right now. And then incentivize workers with high pay to have smart people with compassion working there, not just bottom of the barrel. That's a deal. Yeah, that's where the Willow Brook, yeah. Oh, yeah. This is talking about something that's hard to why is this thing here, landmark investigation of Staten Island's Willbrook State School and Institution for the developmentally disabled. It's there. I suppose they forever changed the face of mental health Ugh my alma mater, but that's the fucking horrible thing about people and they can get away with doing things when no one's like A roller-ver or somebody else is like It's breathing down their neck trying to find out what the fuck is going on. That's institutionalized, yeah. But that's what people did back then. They put them in these places, get them off the street. Yeah. You know, and now people are looking at it going like, you know, maybe that's a good idea, you know. I used to work at a sober living house and one of the kids was like severely autistic and his family would just send him to different rehabs and sober living houses because he was so difficult to deal with [2:15:06] and would just say he had a problem with marijuana. And then the kid learned how to smoke crack from people in the houses. Yeah. They ended up dying in a crack house. It's like the saddest thing ever. Oh wow. Yeah. Oh no, that's the saddest thing ever. What? This poor kid. Was that sadder than those guys getting drum bombed? Wow, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's you. Yeah, that's not good either. I don't know if it's the saddest thing. It's definitely sad. It's parallel sad. But the sober living house, like what, how does that work? It's all sad. Yeah. What do you mean? I've only seen it on that show with Dr. Drew, the sober living house. Like what is it like? Have you lived the one? Yeah. [2:16:05] And so it was self-run, so we had, we had, um, everyone had a role like a cop troll or a treasurer or chore coordinator or a president of the house and we kept each other accountable. But, uh, sober living house, like a halfway house, you've house managers and clinical assistants and everything that basically like babysit you and take you and you have to have a job besides working there Living there you have to have a job. Yeah, you help them get jobs and everything and then I Yeah, and then I got fired for drinking The first first rule I didn't see that All right, do they give you a warning or is this one time off out out? Yeah out out and I they didn't even remember. Oh, right. Oh, right. Do they give you a warning or is this one time? Oh, out, out, out. Yeah. Out. And they didn't catch me. I came to them and it was like, I fucked up. It was on the road and I took a two week bender and it was bad and I came back and got fired. Wow. So were you clean when you came back? To the house? All right. Oh, you still a little drunk. No, I mean, like I hadn't drank yet that day. [2:17:06] But I'd like to get caught. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So did you just, didn't you? Once you were fired, did you just get in your car and get reloaded in front of the house? I've got expression. What do you think it is? I love that expression. I went to get caught. Oh. That's a great fucking drunk expression. Oh yeah. Good cocked. Yeah. That's what I know a guy who was in a rehab and that he told me, we were looking out the window and he told me, he goes, you see all those cars over there? Those were all drug dealers. They're just waiting for some guy to go, I've had it and they'll come out and they'll immediately sell them drugs. And it was like, it was kind of like the shark circling the shark cage like it was that kind of like they just out there like I don't like wow that that shouldn't be allowed you know like I'm like you've all in it you know you shouldn't be there you know it's always cutting out yeah did your time yeah yeah celebrate they're like yeah oh nice day like the slither snake yeah they don't want to their customer. That's the best way to get them back when they're vulnerable. [2:18:07] Oh for sure. Come right out. Well, back to that book Dreamland, it talks about these Mexicans from Niagara bringing black tar hair into America and how it exploded was because of their customer service. Right. Yeah, they had a paging system, they had cell phones, they would give addicts extra and be like, hey, it's on the house. You're a good customer. And then when they didn't hear from for a while since they had their numbers, they'd call them, be like, how are you? Do you want to meet up? We have some new heroin if you want to try it out. Yeah, man, I do. Yeah, I do. Like you got a tipping the right time. You know what Jose? I'll see in five minutes. Yeah, let's go Way worse don't know those isn't call you are you hungry in? And would you like a pizza fuck I would like a pizza. How about one on the house? Yeah, oh you guys are the best I'm a little short on funds right now. Yeah, don't worry about it in and there [2:19:02] I'm going to short on funds right now. Don't worry about it, Ian. And there is your friend. Their number one export that they would use all their money. The drug dealers was Levi's 501 jeans. And they would bring it back to their families. And that would show everyone in an irate like, wow, we have money now. So they would raid these places. And the classes would be stacked floor to ceiling with jeans. Really? Yeah. That's cool. With an iron crease in them. Yeah. Only, I was always like, man, why do they, why do they do that? It's never gonna be slacks. It's jeans. They're like, no, that's how we like it. Yeah. Who's their side of opulence? Yeah. Nice word of jeans. Well, you ever go to Houston, they always have the Tex-Mex cowboy bar where you're not really supposed to go in there, it's for other people. Those guys who dressed up got their jeans iron, they got the big tech gallon on. It's like a big night out, and I'm always like, man, good for these guys, man. Then of course, there's some kind of shots fired in the parking lot, some terrible happens. They're cowboys. [2:20:01] Of course. They're shit cowboys. Yeah, you know, it's a, you know, unforgiven here. There's some issue, you know, something of the cows. Yeah. Something about the cattle flight. Grazing rights or something. Oh. Those are cool towns though. The, you know, you don't get that much anymore. Everything looks the same. You know, all these towns are the same now. There's no late night food. No, nowhere. Well, actually, I think this might be a city still have it. No, well, we just have pizza. That's the Delhi still open. Yeah. Yeah. It's like $35 for a couple of days. But not all night. If you want a Vegas, Tommy sandwich at 4 in the morning, you should be willing to pay $35. I'd be willing to pay, but it's not open. It's like Vegas, we were just in Vegas. That has like late night food and it's pretty good. What was that place you took? Oh, ping-pang pong. That's a real place. Chinese food. It's open really. It's like 24 hours. Yeah, wow. And the people who work there are angels [2:21:01] because they look exhausted. I mean, you're in a casino. We're gonna have Chinese food, right? Like, it's everything you would think. But then you're like, hey, this food is really good. Yeah, I can't believe it. The best Chinese I've ever had. Really? Yeah, I got their chopsticks logo tattooed on me. Ah! That's hilarious. Yeah. There's a restaurant inside Encore at the win the win hotel The win has like a Michelin star Chinese restaurant in it. I think it's the only restaurant the only Chinese restaurant in the country I think that has a mission star or one of the only ones. It's incredible How's that place called Jamie? It's incredible. It's like what it's called wing wing wing. Yeah, wing Lee They're gonna see It's like what it's called wing wing wing. Yeah, wing Lee Yeah, I mean they don't help it sound really racist when I'm naming my favorite Chinese restaurant Yeah, China's restaurant. Well, where's Chinese restaurant in America to earn a Michelin star? [2:22:00] Whoa, but those are normal hours like that's that's not tonight. That's like a restaurant It's a real restaurant. You have to dress nice too like you can't work like a whoa Woke fried main lobster dude. It sounds so good walk fried not We ask it's permission you taking me what was gonna say Yeah, there it is. I'm impressed with Vegas. I mean Vegas is really turned the corner. Vegas is a different place. It's a total different. You see it too right? It's also Vegas became much more about entertainment than just about Sure. And also like the the sphere is a good example of like what is possible. Like I'm sure that's just the beginning of it. You know. Yeah. With that kind of money. We went to the battle bot arena there. Listen, when you're driving through Vegas and just the neon and all the craziness, it's fucking amazing. It is amazing. It's amazing. And I did chose that wise, guys, which is a great club, by the way, in Vegas. The locals came out and they were so happy to see a show. Like, usually it's Casino or whatever, bigger only, but just to have like a regular club there is really cool too. And there's a bunch but this is off the strip it's way off so it's mostly for the locals so it was kind of refreshing to see the locals come out [2:23:07] and let's say is there a more jaded crowd than a Vegas crowd you know they've seen it all yeah so they were really cool and I like it I feel like Vegas is turned the corner man it's really it's popping now yeah well it's a people place where people go to have a good time so when you do do shows there, like, you know, doing shows, you ever do the Mirage? I think so in the past for sure. That's that, uh, what is it, the Terry Fador theater? Oh, no, I'm not on the rush. Yeah, he's, he was called that. It was called that. I think they changed it, but the fucking place is great. I was there with Gillis, like, a few months back. It's amazing. You get in there, you're like, holy shit, this place is incredible. I forgot how fun it was. And it's like, a bunch of people there to have a good time. It's like, that's what you want. You have people that are just like, purposely I'm here to have a good time. I want fun. I'm in a town that's specifically designed to have a good time. That's the first place I saw the ex throwing stuff. They have like new ideas. Like for some the ideas and the like Vegas, you know, people want to, you know, what's the next thing that people want to do? What do they want to try? [2:24:06] So I think that's a good place. Like if you have an idea and you want to see people learn into it, that's the place to do it, you know. Yeah. So that's where you'll see a lot of these robots and stuff like that there, though, I don't know if someone can robot wrestling or something. Well, That's be the first place they do it in Vegas. And you know, the weed thing there too, which is weird that their weed laws are, you can buy it, but you can't really smoke it on the street or in the hotel or anything like that. So I don't know where people actually smoke in that weed, but that just ended another layer. Can you help me with someone's house? It's like an Airbnb for smoke breaks. Just on top of the strat like, you know, you're gonna old Vegas and like walking down the streets, it's sad. But there's definitely a lot of sad and Vegas. There's some fun to it too though. And there's all those museums, like just crazy museums there. If you're gonna have gambling, you're gonna have failure. If you're gonna have, you have people who just fucking hit the, at 400 miles an hour. 4 a.m. You can't quit the penny sloths. [2:25:06] People lose everything. People, if you've ever seen those videos of people just peeing in their seats, because they don't feel it getting up. Yeah, this is girl. She's sitting there. This is girl sitting there on her phone. And she's sitting at one of the slot machines. She just pisses a girl or a woman, a lady. But she doesn't look. She's just pisses. A girl or a old girl or a lady? She's just sitting there pissing. She's kinda hot. So she's on the phone, she just says, I'm just gonna fucking piss. So she's just pissing while she's sitting there. But that's, she doesn't look like a degenerative. She's just like, it's drunk. She's probably both. She's too hot. She's just probably drunk. She's just pissing on the ground in front of everybody lucky grand people are filming it And she's got like a beautiful purse That's in Vegas. Yeah, it doesn't really wow What casino is that Jamie? Women peas while Gambley Casino she refuses to go to the bathroom so she doesn't ruin her [2:26:03] Look caption out of it. Is there any change? Is that snout what it is? Yeah, like what if it's coming from her bag or she put a drink in between her legs? What a weird ad for she's really turned on. I would like to just keep believing in Spain. It's one of the best. I make them better. What it looks like. What a weird, it definitely looks like she's peeing I can't get over how hot it is. Apparently people do do that though. I've talked to people. I was expecting someone in one of those scooters. Other videos, especially this is the one that went around viral. Right. That's because she's hot. I thought it was. Don't they do that in Times Square at- Everywhere. With the ball. With the ball. With the ball. Don't people wear diapers because it's so crowded? You once you get in that, so security's on. They should all die. What? I'm sorry. If you're wearing a diaper to go see something and you can't pee, you're useless. Anyway, right, that was weird. I'm not wearing a diaper today. Change my catheter. I'm going to give you that option to just connect to you. [2:27:02] Do you like to be connected to the urinal? Yeah, sure, just connect me. And they just connected you. Would you like to be connected to the urinal? Yeah sure, just connect me. And they just strap you in, put you in a chair, and just zip your dong, just let it hang out. You can pee at any time, you're in a bag. You're in a like a blue, dark bag. I hate this. As long as I hate nice machines. Yeah, I do that. Those machines suck. I'd rather play Black Check, I I checked I was playing them with you and the thing these dumb machines it's like by the time you figure it out You're already about a hundred bucks into these dumb games and then I'm like, you know look at all this like information And it's like you never know if you're winning or not, you know It's like why am I hitting my you know like an idiot you're hitting the butt wait for a treat to come out I like the classic and you know, it's just I was winning people do it and then every time he came around me I started losing it was a good dark cloud slot revenue made up 66.3% of total gaming win Wow penny slots generated 9.6% of total slot win with 3.15 billion which is pennies that's crazy which is down 12% from 2022 while slots that [2:28:01] accept multiple denominations generated 5.9 billion, up 16.7% from last year. So people are getting dumber. People always have money in the game. They're getting dumber. They're building more money on slot machines. I'm a part of it. I'm not a part of it. What's your biggest win on a slot? What's your biggest win? 1100 dollars. And how long did it take you to get that I was there for like an hour? I'm not bad if you had a guest though like how much are you in the hole to slot machines all time? Oh Joe So much well, I mean I lost like three grand when I was in Vegas. I was there Well, I play a little roulette too, but would you like how that's your backup game roulette? I understand this game Would you like how that's your backup game roulette? I understand this game Guessing I'm guessing let's right on stage. I lost $20 betting someone on rock paper scissors in the program You a sports guy too now like sports sports book as we really can make it Yeah, I don't understand the over unders and the parlay is [2:29:03] Yeah, but we've been to the track on the road, and that's fun. And that's another one where it takes forever to figure it out, the trifect is, and the quintelles and all those other... Yeah, track junkies are weird, folk. Oh yeah, my uncle was one of them. He let me, got me to pull the trigger on the start of race once. Oh wow. It's a fun date though. If you take a girl's, like, hey, this is kind of cool, like we're at the upper class. But it's like you're surrounded by some of the saddest people who've ever lived. You know, the people who live at the track. This shit is off track betting. That's a sad show. Oh yeah. Oh TV. Yeah. Oh TV. Newark dead, off track bedding. Oh, John it down is everywhere. Gambling junkies would go and bed on the races from the middle of nowhere. That was the most unhealthyest place. Like you would walk in, it was like waves of smoke. Oh man, it was just terrible going in there. I remember people like when I was like, do you have a bathroom here? I'm like, what are you talking about? This is no bathroom here. People would be living in it. Yeah, come on. They'd be taking showers in there. [2:30:07] Yeah, off track bedding was this guy, white planes Charlie, that he used to hang around with. And white planes in executive billiards and white planes. And he would always go to off track bedding during the day. And he'd come back complaining, what is off track bedding? This is before the internet where you put it in and you'd be able to bet on races around the country, you know. So you're betting on horse races, but you're nowhere near the horse race. And all these fucking psychotic gamblers. These guys are nuts. Look at these people. They're all just completely addicted. They're all shady. Everyone's in there. Everyone's fucked their whole life up with this addiction. Yeah, that was my uncle, man. And they're just donating money. You know, I remember, um... It was like the DMV. I was gonna say, like, I remember walking past, I was like, is this like the cab authority? Is this like where the cab is hanging out? Look how sad these guys look. Like give me a click on some of the folks hanging out there. They're great. They just look wrong. Look at that guy explain how fucking tell you what the government's plan is. Yeah, [2:31:08] they're all just junk. It's the name of one of the horses government's plans. It was a nice way to spend it in afternoon. That's how they portrayed it on the commercial. Just a bunch of junkies. Oh God. Ghosts of Wagers pass. Still living. Yeah, they close all this is all down. They don't have off-track betting games. I don't think so I think they make that illegal near the Manhattan Bridge Do you think I know what you maybe Upper west side Sider makes documentary about off track betting. Oh look that looks classy though with a that's a nice Yeah, that's a nice one. Yeah, that's Upper West side. They're betting on something besides horses there. I think That's like Falconry or something. Something another level of animal. Well, there's always dog races too. Yeah, I've been to those in person and they were a lot of fun. Really? You know, they used to have the thing where they, this was like a right of passage or at a state fair [2:32:01] where they had monkeys riding dogs and they were like, this has got to end now and I'm like oh come on it's hilarious you know they're and the monkeys would be like riding them around they'd have like to do a circle and that was really fun I think everybody had a good time the dog the monkey everybody's having a good time in that I saw a video today of India and these folks are walking down this road and this monkey runs up behind and just drop kicks this lady and then Yeah, see? Look at this. It's a good heat. I got the guy in red. I got the guy in red. Purple's making a comeback. Hey, stop. What's going on? Whoa. We should have been. Oh, this is like, what does he say? It's a lame one. But look at the dog he's easily distracted. You're taking a bow Don't even monkey's ripped the dog's faces off. That's great. Now they know better than that dogs will bite their friends Like do they get a lot of buddies if the dogs don't seem to mind if the split the purse For the dogs probably like being pet like yeah [2:33:00] He's riding me. He's got a little dress and they don't way much Oh, that's so fun. So these people were walking on this road in India and this monkey runs up behind him. Drop kicks this one lady and then runs a little further and drop kicks this little kid and just runs off. Like 100% didn't on purpose. That's great. Fuck these people. That's great. He's a migrant. What an angry. Runs great a migrant what a man great one angry runs up with its back feet like a drop kick like a real like pro wrestling track is still their purse or was it love the game up to the level of the game that's awesome drops and bombs on these fucking fools that's the best oh nice well bro you've been served it's like this move just decide to fuck this dude up. Well, he's egging him on though. He's like, fuck dude. Did he give him the finger? He tried to stand his ground, but the monkey's like, fuck you, the monkey. What a, that guy was, I hate to say, he was assing. He left his thing behind. He's so disoriented. So where's the monkey? Is this outdoors or is it indoors? The The one that I saw it was indoor or outdoors rather That is a little bit of a scary attack [2:34:05] Still your fucking kids man This is crazy Oh look at those tails man Oh they're dragging the girl oh no Yeah Yeah dude that's sketchy I would not let the monkey grab my fucking kid No man Then you gotta realize like they'll fuck you up Like a little monkey will fuck you up Like that They can't treat it like it's a little person. They must think we're so stupid. Like they just keep feeding them and like, I mean, honestly. Well, a lot of places they'll take your phone. Yes. In order to give the phone back, you have to give them something. Mm. That's more. So you can give them food. Yep. Can you to use you can sell it. I'm sure you can. And that's in like, where's it where like they live in like a monastery or a ruin or something like that, they kind of control the town. I think it's in India or Thailand or something like that where it's like just troops of monkeys, hundreds of them, not traffic and they can't do anything. Yeah. Yeah, you can't fight them unless you're willing to go to war. [2:35:01] You got to really be willing to go to war. You gotta really be willing to go to war. What's your weapon? You gotta need machine guns. Yeah, how would you fight the monkey army? Yeah, they're gonna swarm on you. You gotta be able to, maybe even, yeah, you need something to, you gotta go around, just smack all. They'll take that mace around, well, wait for me, stuff it up your ass. But you jump on your face and bite your nose off and then you drop the mace and then they beat you to death with the mace. Like you're fucked. You got to have a motorcycle helmet on, Kevlar Sue. There it is. Yeah. You gotta look like Tex Cobb and Raising Arizona. Exactly. No, but he was still vulnerable. Skin it was exposed. You wanna literally be wearing like a motorcycle riding outfit made out of Kevla. Oh my God, look at that. That's like two troops of monkeys going at it. Yeah, they're fighting. Look at that. Well, this was I think during COVID, one of the things that happened during COVID was they didn't have access to all the tourists. So they're starving. So they had to become dependent upon people and where people would hang out and leave food. [2:36:00] Oh my God. Yeah, look at those guys probably fucking star look that's a nice spread though that they put out for them That is pretty sweet. Yeah, that's good sort of like one guy was dressed as a monkey. I'm infiltrated a nice little buffet Look at this sort of sort of cool like a different plates of food like a carnival crew You can eat You would think they look really nice treatment. They wouldn't steal any babies, but they're still a little bit of a mask on too. You see that? You see that? You guys want to try it mask. They're so smart. All right. He's their leader. I think that might be a statue. Is that a statue or a dude? Oh, yeah, that's like the way they're circling wild. What people. Oh, oh, oh, oh. It's so wild what people choose to and choose not to worship. You know, like he's shaking it off. It's like enough for the table boys. Boy, what a fucking horrible life that is. Wow. Imagine being a monkey in India. No tourist show up. You know, like, you got to be kidding. [2:37:01] There's the food man. If they only had dogs to ride, then they could make a living. They could really make a difference. Do you know the story of a cobra charmer? No. Cobra charmer started because they started offering people money to kill cobras. And so what people realize is you could breed cobras and then kill those cobras. And so every cobra you capture and kill, they give you a little bit of money. So they started breeding cobras. And so then the government got wise to it and say, hey, stop. You can't do this no more bounty on cobras. And I'm like, what are we going to do with these fucking cobras? And so they started fucking doing shows with them. No, no, no, no, no, wow, I didn't know that see if that's true No, imagine I made it up, but I don't remember the source which is off in the case I don't remember the source that story We can't make these cobras fuck anymore Yeah, they fucking mean it makes sense [2:38:00] Yeah, people are get a lot people find ways where they where they need to that's India like what where are the cobras? I believe it's India India right. Yeah, I mean think about the people going back and forth from Mexico making eight thousand dollars a month like the same kind of deal People find a little loophole like I got a breed cobras. Oh, I'm Making the criminals Tough one how many co-provide died breeding cobras? Yeah That's another tough one. How many co-provide? Died breed and co-bers. Yeah. I'm looking through the thing, but that's a pretty sneaky thing I'd ever heard. For safety, some North American snake charmers stitch close the mouth of their performing snakes, leaving just enough opening for the animal to be able to move its tongue in and out. Members of the audience in that region believe the snake's ability to deliver venomous bites comes from its tongue rather than its fangs. Snakes ejected to this practice soon die of starvation or mouth infection must be replaced by freshly caught specimens. Similar methods are used in India where snakes are defanged and have their venom glands incapacitated. They are also kept in boxes or bags for 30 to 45 days and dehydrated [2:39:04] so their muscles cramp making them sluggish so they will drink the milk offered by the devotees at festivals. The milk is undigestable to the snake. Jesus Christ. Wow. With abuse. Methods of dealing with the fangs include expert surgical removal of both of the fangs and replacement fangs which has been done by some Native American and African snake charmers. Barring extraordinary measures, pulled fangs are replaced within days. Fangs may also be plugged with wax or other material. Well, it's like a three-chord Monti, kind of like you think, and the guy could really die, nothing at all. Right, but see if that's the origin of us that they used to Google that like if they used to Give bounties for cobras, but people to get advantage of it pretty sure it's real story This has the history goes all the way back to ancient Egypt Right a vibrant but in India what I'm talking about is the bounty on cobr thing the real money is in being a snake dentist [2:40:03] real money's in being a snake dentist. With all those fan removals. I mean, not saying that they invented it, but I'm saying like that's why it where it came from, like where there were so many of them. And it was associated with India that these are people that apparently had a bunch of snakes laying around. Like look, we need to figure out a way to fucking diversify. Wasn't that St. Patrick didn't he didn't he chase all the snakes know. I don't know either guy. But what are you supposed to do? It's like one of the snake living in Ireland. It's so cold. It's probably easy to chase him out there. Bring me back to Indian, take my teeth out. What happens with the, like what are you supposed to tip that guy? Like, it's like a street performance. This is a long or article. The first paragraph says legend goes that a Plague, Delhi in the 1800s, so the British Raj decided to offer cash reward for every dead cobra, the men as brief as society, so they planned backfired, savvy Indians built cobra farms so they could have a constant supply of snakes to kill and redeem for money. Wow. British eventually uncovered the scheme and ended its incentive with no use for the [2:41:01] now worthless snakes, breeders released the creatures onto Delhi streets. Wow. You were right, man. So it made the problem worse that's right that's what it was oh wow I fucked up the story no you got you got a lot of it right yeah you're probably worse oh shit yeah people are gross yeah they like fuck these cobras just let them lose you don't see that on New York streets anymore like with the like performing dogs or any any of that kind of stuff You don't see any kind of animal that's illegal, but you just go shit in the curb. Yeah, well that's that's fun Yeah, that's a performance you will see somebody who's like, you know I'm a squatter with a dog and the poor dogs they're all day long, you know Just like Lane next one that that I always feel like are those dogs drugged or they so socialize that they're just docile. I think that's what they used to living like that Yeah, they just used to that existence But you're really giving money to the dog hoping that he'll take the money and take care of the dog But really you don't know what to say with a dog is probably like 60% less effective Look almost got with a dog you don't rough estimation. Yeah, you remember Normie Donald's joke about the homeless guy with the dog [2:42:05] Wow, what is the dog thinking? This is the longest walk ever. Are we ever going home? Man, this has been going on for days now. That's a fucked up thing about dogs. They're so awesome. They'll love you even if you're just homeless. Yeah. Just fucking lazy as shit and never getting anything done. This till I still love you. Yeah. It's real unconditional love It's beautiful my cat does that You can't I'll eat you when you die cats have a few seconds good seconds. I'll be one with them finally All right kids, let's wrap this bitch up bringing home in very fun. Thanks for being here last Thank you, man. Thank you very much. Thanks for being here. This is a blast. Thank you, man. My pleasure, brother. Thank you very much. Yeah. And I'm excited to see you guys this weekend. Thank you, buddy. Thank you, the fucking man. I love you to death. You want to thank us all the time. Joe, thank you for all of us for doing what you do, man. Honestly, it Oh, you're special when is it coming out March 26th Netflix hot cross buns. Yes. All right. Bye