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Recorded on: September 11, 2024Tom Segura is a stand-up comic, actor, podcaster, and author. He co-hosts two podcasts, "Your Mom's House," with his wife, comic Christina Pazsitsky, and "Two Bears, One Cave," and is the author of "I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays." www.ymhstudios.com
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Apparently they've traced it to a very specific type of animal. I thought that this thing always transfers. I think Moshe told me this, that birds need a pig. The pig is the perfect conduit of transferring. Like the bird disease won't come from like straight to a person. It needs to go to a pig and the pig can infect people. What about avian flu? I don't know. Avian flu came from birds. These are bats and I think bats gave it to pangolins. Do you know where the fucking pangolin is? Whitney was telling me this, that a pangolin is like the most, the most, what is the word you would use, where someone is transferring animals. I'm fucking slow today, man. My brain's slow today. What's going on? The most exploited animal in the world. You know what a pangolin is? Some weird fucking pangolin. Pangolin, I think it is. Never heard of that. Yeah. There it is, that fucking thing. Look it up there. Look at the screen. Look. That thing. That's called a pangolin? Pangolin. Yeah. That is the most exploited animal in the world and they eat them in China. And so this fucking thing is where China has laws to stop pangolin trafficking. That thing looks freaky, man. Yeah, they have laws that they're imposing now to stop the sale of wild animals. You can't sell wild animals in the United States, but you can sell, well you can sell wild fish, but you can't sell wild animals in the United States. That's one of the weird things about fish. What about those exotic people in that documentary? Aren't those wild animals? I mean for food. Oh, okay. I mean for food. You can't, even in this country. This is the most trafficked animal? Yeah. Adorable pangolin is the most trafficked animal in the world. How is that possible? Ask Whitney Cummings. She's the one who told me. It seems to be true. Yeah, it's in the New York Post as well. There it is. The rainforest of the Congo, Cameroon, and Central African Republic lives in an elusive mammal that looks like a cross between an anaeron, an armadillo, and a pinecone. And thanks to poachers, the pangolin is the most trafficked animal on Earth. In April of 2019, Singapore seized a world record 25.6 tons of pangolin scales, worth 76.5 million from an estimated 38,000 of the creatures. In December, the scales from some 50,000 African pangolins were seized by Chinese authorities. This is wild. What do they do for it? I don't know. It's because of this scale, this unique feature that makes them a target, said Tessa Ullman, a volunteer for the Sangha Pangolin Project at Preservation Society. The pangolin burrows to create holes, so the scales are associated with circulation. It's used as an ingredient in traditional Asian medicines. They're used to help mothers for lactation and for blood pressure, but none of this has been clinically proven. So it's like tiger teeth and fucking rhino horn. Yeah, and rhino tusks. There's so much of that shit. I was talking to a Chinese guy about that, and I was saying, do they know that rhino horn doesn't work and that they could get Viagra? To make your dick hard, Viagra definitely works. He goes, oh, it's not even that. He goes, a lot of it is a status thing. So if you are a really wealthy Chinese businessman and you're into this kind of stuff, you want to show that you skirt the laws of animal trafficking. Like shark fin soup, right? Apparently that tastes good. But I'm saying, isn't that something where there's some type of prohibition against it and then they're like, yeah, but I'm the man, so let's get some. Yeah, I don't know what kind of restrictions they have about that in China, but across the world, rhinos. That's terrible. But they want that tea that they make out of rhino horn because it just makes them like, come, let's discuss business over rhino tea. I mean, yeah, I get why that happens, but I don't want any. Well, China's so weird, right? Because it's a weird combination of capitalism and communism. And not just communism, but a military communist dictatorship. Well, it's interesting, speaking of the virus, the way China locked down Wuhan when they decided to. There's no fucking around. Yeah, no fucking around. So 11 million people in that city. Went through the streets spraying some disinfectant. They sent 40,000 workers to Wuhan to be like, handle this, lock it down, clean it up. Just boom, in one city. What's it like now? Well, here's the thing. You can never trust what the state media says, but they were saying that all their new cases are inbound, so it's travelers coming in. Oh, how convenient. It's all these fucking Italians. Yeah. Coming over here for sharks, fin soup, and rhino tea. Fucking pasta virus. Cunts. Yeah. It's the rigatoni virus now. It is. You guys did it. Well, they're saying that America could be the next epicenter. Yeah, well, New York has more than 5% of the world's cases right now. Does it really? Yeah, it's growing, too. Well, New York has 25,000 cases as of this morning. That's 5% of the world's cases. That's what the news was last night. They say that for every one person to test positive, 10 of them have not even been tested that have it. Yeah, there's for sure way more cases. Yeah, because it's impossible to get a test. You can't test them, yeah. Yeah, try getting a test right now in LA. LA started a website yesterday with all the information on how to get a test, and they're like, first of all, meet this criteria. Are you over 65? Is that really part of it? Yeah. Jesus. Do you have these symptoms? Yeah, you can't even order one online. If you could get a test going right now, it would be a great business. It would be. Jeff Bezos. And it would be a great way to figure out who needs to really be staying home.