We're Carrying a Disordered Universe Inside of Us - Duncan Trussell

To me, what the funniest fucking thing is how much we lie to ourselves. That's where it gets amazing. It's like, you know, you were talking about, and I've done the exact same thing with screen time when you're presented that humiliating number of hours and you've been telling friends you're busy and you're fucking looking at that, just thinking like, dude, I've been like, you know, looking at bullshit, but then before you do that, you're like, but it's my job. You know, I've got to kind of be online. It's like, no, you're addicted to technology. And because you can't stand the fact that you don't have the discipline to stop using it, you would rather make up a story involving some absolutely verifiable bullshit so that you don't have to deal with the fact that you aren't in full control of yourself. And it's a non rewarding addiction, which is really strange. It's like when you're looking at stories on like the Apple news feed or something, you're scrolling, looking for something that's gonna captivate you. What is, oh, the Apple having problems with the keyboards? You start reading this and it's like, oh, you can't, Huawei can't sell laptops in the US anymore. Like how much of that am I, like you were saying earlier, how much of that is junk thoughts? Yeah. These are junk thoughts, like junk food. Junk food. You're just consuming. Consuming, and I don't think it's useless. I think it serves a purpose. Some of it does. If, I mean, in the sense of maybe not a purpose in the way you're gonna be as a human, but a purpose in the sense of like, if you apply a little bit of like mindfulness when you're using your phone, how do I feel right now? You know what I'm talking about? Like, how do I fucking feel? You realize you feel a specific way. It's a kind of like numbness. There's a quality of like, a kind of like sedated numbness to the hypnotic state you've been lulled into by the algorithms. And there's some pleasant kind of like, I guess you could compare it to some like low level, euphoric painkiller, but not very euphoric, mostly just a mild numbness that is pretty good at turning off anxiety. Or you could at least displace your own personal anxiety. Like, if I'm scanning through my phone and I find the inevitable bad news, whatever form it's in, I could pretend that my anxiety is related to that news. You know, and then that's when you get people who are very anxious and they, I've seen it. Who has a famous, some person tweeted, I'm here in this beautiful place and I can't enjoy it because of our president. You know what I mean? It's like, whoa, I don't, I'm not sure that's the real reason why you can enjoy that place. I think it might be actually that you haven't dealt with the fact that you're freaking the fuck out, right? That to me is like the purpose of a phone. And it's very good at tricking yourself into thinking that the reason you feel like shit is because of something happening in the world. It's a bandwidth eater too. And here's what the problem with that is. Sometimes you have like these legitimate thoughts. And when you have these legitimate thoughts, meaning like, meaning like something you're working on, something you're, like whether it's an idea you're trying to do on stage or something else, another project that you're doing, these things, they require your bandwidth, right? And when you're always looking at your phone, it chips away percentages of your bandwidth. 10 here, five there, 20 there, seven there. And you don't think about it because nope, I'm still concentrating on the project. I'm still on the project, the project, the project, the project, but really no. Really you're in two rivers at the same time. You're in this wacky river of nonsense and wondering who got this and how much they're getting in this divorce and who died in the Dominican Republic. Oh my God, another person, another tourist. Oh my God. And if you wanna look at all the bad stuff that happens amongst seven billion people, you have to think of all the interactions that humans have. All the literally billions of interactions every day. People constantly, and occasionally one goes fucking western. One goes sideways and that's the one you see on YouTube. Jesus Christ, this world's going to shit. And then you watch another one and you watch another one and you watch infectious diseases and snake bites and what happens when you get necropsy, when your fucking flesh starts falling off. Flesh eating bacteria, how'd they get that? Snorkeling? And then the next thing you know, you're fucking just numb, numb to your real life because you're taking in data from everywhere. Yeah, that's it. Fuck man. And it's like, then that gets inside of you and now you're just a turbulent, you have a turbulent self that has digested a version of the world that's only half true. And so because of that, you're gonna be half a person because you're not looking into like your own, whatever the fuck you are. You know, what are you, what are you? How much do you even think about what are you? Yeah, how much time have you spent? To me, it's like the craziest shit that, we were talking about the sex drive being this insane compulsory engine inside every sentient being that I know. Of course there's exceptions, but like, this is, if you're writing a computer code, right? This would be a line of code, right? It keeps you going, keeps you going, keeps you going. So to me, something that's fucking astoundingly weird is why the fuck can people not sit still and be quiet for periods exceeding 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes? Literally the least metabolically outside of sleeping, right? You're not really exerting energy when you're sitting still and being quiet. You're not really doing much. And yet if you ask, I could ask a person if they wanted to go for a walk, they'll say, sure, I'll go for a walk. But if you're like, do you wanna sit with me for like 10 minutes quietly? It's weird, I get it. They're like, no, I don't want to. I'm not into that. No, I don't wanna do that. What the fuck is that? To me, that, not that I believe in simulation theory, but if I wanted to prove it or like play around with it, the idea that we're like non-player characters in some super event simulator, one of the ways I would experiment would be like, oh, sit still. Why the fuck can't you sit still? Why is it that suddenly your mind goes insane? Why is it suddenly that you gotta get out? Why do you feel bored or crazy or fucking like overheated or anxious or nervous? Because we have to be productive, Duncan. Yeah. That's why everybody wants stimulants. Yeah, yeah. That wanna be more productive. Yeah. Wanna contribute more. Yeah. People, I mean, I think it's, that's what someone might say is an explanation, but I think the fucking real reason is like, people are carrying a disordered universe inside of them. And when they sit down and there's nothing to look at except what's around them, they're forced to deal with the fact that actually a lot of the disturbance in their life is more related to an interior, like maelstrom of thoughts and unexplored feelings. And then this is just basically shaping their entire existence. They're like in every single moment, recreating a universe of disorder, and then getting really upset because if you see disorder in the world and it keeps reappearing, like your friend who's like, why do I get taken in by these people all the time? It's like, whoa, you get taken in by these people all the time because inside of you is a behavior pattern that is replicating this phenomena. And you're pretending that it's not in you to the point where it's a mystery. It's like, why did, you know, when I drive somewhere, I'm not like, why did my car drive me here? Unless I'm like fucking high out of my mind and shouldn't be driving. In which case, see if you get an Uber, man. You know what I mean? Pull over and find a Starbucks. A person will legitimately be like, I don't know why I did that. And it's like, well, what are you? What are you? Yeah. Right. Are you something different if you have sugar in your gut? Yeah. Are you? Yeah. When your candida level hits a certain number and it starts telling you, you need sugar, Duncan. How about a nice cold Coca-Cola, Duncan? Yeah. Duncan, just crackle with one Coke. It's not gonna hurt you to have one Coke. You're right. I need a cake to go along with it. Fuck that water. Who wants to go and buy water when it's right next to the Coke? Nasty fucking water. That's nonsense. Boring, flavorless air. Just think flavorless air. Stay alive. Stay alive here with my water. No, I want fucking sewage brown sugar death poured into my fucking guts. Or a nice IPA. A nice bitter yellow liquid. It tastes like wheat. Yeah. Having an addictive personality, man, I like it because it's fun to play around with it, meaning that when I am reaching for the thing, whatever it may be that I know I shouldn't be doing, in the sense of fun. Well, I like watching the rationalization that my mind starts spitting out for it. Oh, I'm doing this because it's like, relaxing. You know, it's a celebratory moment. I feel a little bummed out. And you look at like the instant way your mind tries to come up with a bullshit story to write off the fact that you are riding around in a vehicle that you can't control. And that is not a very appealing way to be. No one wants to hear the pilot say, guys, taking my hands off the wheel, let's just see what happens for the next 10 minutes up here. And yet their whole lives are like that. They've just taken their hands off the wheel, but then they're trying to make sense of it. You know, like how many times do you meet an alcoholic who hasn't accepted yet they're an alcoholic? And they're like telling you all these reasons for, you'd see my childhood, man, you just got to understand my childhood. Or, you know, it helps my riding. I'm a better rider when I'm drunk or on and on and on and on. And it's like, no, the reality is you're fucking hooked. You're addicted. You can't stop your hand from bringing something into your fucking mouth. And you can't deal with that because who wants to deal with that shit, man? I want to be in control. So I'll make up a story. I'll make up a story.