The Castrati Were Excellent Lovers, Allegedly.

When I went on a tour of the Vatican, I had a really great guide. It was really cool. He took my family through this thing and he was a professor and he was really happy that I was so curious about things. And I was on an edible. Shh, don't tell my family. And so, I was wandering around billions of dollars of stone art and one of the things I kept saying, I go, why are there penises so small? Like, what's going on with that? And he was like, that's a really important question. And he's like, back then, the thought was that bigger penises were brutish and that they were, that these, you know, you got to realize these are people that were fending off barbarians and the idea was that their gods would be beautifully proportioned, but they would have these small, sort of less dangerous penises. It's very interesting. Or penae. Yeah. And that they would make them like that on purpose. They were all, they all had little dicks, all of them. And I'm like, these guys, like, if you looked at these guys, like, just the way they're built, the reality is most of them would have hogs. Right. These are heavily muscled, thick, thick men with a lot of testosterone. They would have big dicks, most likely. Right. That's the reason why women find that build attractive, probably, other than the fact that it's going to be the person who'd be more successful at protecting you from said barbarians. Well, I think that, is it true that the castrati of Italy were sought after as lovers? They could still perform. Really? Yeah. But then you didn't need to worry about pregnancy. How could they, they could get erect? Yeah. When they were castrated, that doesn't make any sense. Is that wrong? Yeah. I don't think that's correct. I think they're eunuchs. I think that's why they would do that to men. I mean, men who would work in castles and they would have eunuchs. They would work with the queens because they could perform. Well, I don't know what the definition, what operation was performed on the castrati. They would lose all that testosterone. Okay. But I believe that there was a way in which they were sought after as lovers. Maybe they just ate a lot of pussy. Maybe. That's probably what it is. What? Just kind of lingous. Yeah. I actually think that they were able to, I'm not sure what operation was done, but I believe that they were able to sexually perform in a conventional way. Jamie, and if you could find the plural for penis, that would be great. It's got a penis. Yeah? Yeah. Penises just sound so fucking crude. You said dicks. But at least there I know. Well, dicks is real. That's the right way to say it. Cocks. A lot of cocks. Yeah. You don't say cock-eye. It might start. Look at this. Castrati were also supposed to be great lovers. They could last long, says Tomosini, to say that name, Montesqui. How do you say that? To Montesqui? They would have inspired a taste for Gamora in people whose taste is the least depraved. And when Casanova fell in love with a castrato who conveniently turned out to be a woman in drag, he asked her to dress as a castrato in bed. OK, I'm done. Check, please. For those women who choose, as Dryden put it, to, in quotes, in soft eunuchs place their bliss and shun the scrubbing of a bearded kiss. Yeah, they wanted someone who eats a lot of pussy. Affairs were idolized and safe, but bed hopping could be risky for the castrati. One was assassinated by his lover's furious family and another who wrote to the Pope, requesting permission to marry on the basis of that his castration had been ineffective, received the reply, let him be castrated better. The Pope said, no, you can't get married. We're going to cut your nuts off. Better. We're going to do a better job. All mouth and no trousers. Castrati had more fun than you could think. Hello, Guardian. Great fucking Samantha Ellis meets a singer who wishes he'd had the chop. Oh, great. Yeah, there's a good look. See, this might just be a story. You know what I mean? The guy says I regret not having been castrated. They go get castrated. Well, here's something crazy. But that's that's one of those things where that's just that might be a story like a good way to to write something. Maybe, you know, and click Beatty. And it's it's been around for a long time. Here's something you may not know. The last castrato was recorded. So there's actually a recording played on this podcast about a dozen times. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty gross. It's not he's he wasn't a talented one. Well, that's not what's gross. What's gross is the thought that this was a child that was taken and castrated and then forced to live this life. Look, it's it's it's absolutely ridiculous. But getting back to Michael Jackson, I think there is. Is that right? Yeah. Alessandro Moricecchi Morissette Morisschi Morisschi Morisschi Alessandro Morisschi. The last castrato Christ, the complete Vatican recordings. What did they do? That man's mouth. Well, they had him there.