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Joey Diaz is a stand-up comic and New York Times bestselling author. He's the host of the podcast "Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz," co-host of "The Check-In" with Lee Syatt, and author of "Tremendous: The Life of a Comedy Savage." www.joeydiaz.net
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I remember I was telling you guys at one time my freshman year I didn't take a shift for a week and a half. I was addicted to steak and American cheese. Had a ride of french fries. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Listen to me. How long is that? Ten days? That's a long time man. How are you alive? I played freshman ball and we were playing Patterson Eastside. That's just the jungle of the school. Like you got to be careful when you're going there. We went there to play the Christmas tournament. What kind of ball are we talking about? Basketball. I hadn't taken a shift for like ten days. I was backed up something. I took acid, something, fucked my stomach up. I didn't tell nobody. On the way home we got on the bus and while we were waiting there my stomach started hurting. I said Jesus Christ I don't know if I'm going to shift myself a fart but let me just take a chance. Good move. I'm going to do this fart Joe Rogan. That was so bad. We were on a bus and people started running, you know the school buses, people started running to the windows right to swing down the bus windows but here's where it gets better. I farted again and the teachers were going oh my god he's changing flavors. He's changing flavors. But the worst thing was the cheerleaders were crying. That's how bad it smelled. They were sitting in front of the bus going. Wait a minute. He's changing flavors. One of the teachers yelled out oh my god he's changing flavors. That's how bad these farts were. That's your next t-shirt. Oh my god he's changing flavors. Your whole bus start fight was fucking god awful. I wrote a blog about one of Joey's farts once. Was that on a plane? Yes. I think I read that.