Joe Talks Marvel Superhero Powers with Alonzo Bodden

Yeah, how come no diseases ever make us better? There's nothing to disease. It's like a Marvel comic book where you catch it. Yeah, how come I can't get hit with gamma radiation? Right, like who could happen to the Hulk and Spider-Man? Every time I get mad at somebody, just Hulk out. But you know, they never show like everyday things with the Hulk. Like, suppose he's in a car. Right, now your car, the Hulk just grew, tore up your car, now hello State Farm? Yeah, you're not going to believe what just happened to my car. Yeah, the concept of the Hulk that's on all the time annoys the shit out of me. You know that he's the Hulk now constantly, 24 hours a day? Yeah. And then he's smart? Right, the intelligent Hulk. Come on. So he's Bruce Banner all the time. He's Bruce Banner, but he's also the Hulk. I am. Fuck. We were talking about reading, which is what I'm doing now. And I got this book, it's like 10 years of the Hulk. It's like a thousand pages of Hulk comics. Jesus. And then it's like all the time. It's like a really fun one. You know, it's an amazing one. It's a really fun one. The one thing that, you know, I think that I think a lot of people have been saying is that there is a very, very short run and the story is, it's great. It's the Gray Hulk who was smart, but not like the movie one, but he was smarter than a regular one. And he would only change at night like a vampire, like a werewolf. Yeah. So it's like, hey, this is just how much free time I have, Joe. Well, the new hope. They probably missed Mark Ruffalo's acting. All these fucking people you got Iron Man. They probably were like, Mark Ruffalo's just not talking enough. Because most of the time we need him as the Hulk. So I got an idea. Let's make him Mark Ruffalo the Hulk all the time. The Hulk has glasses now. He has fucking glasses. His glasses. It's so ridiculous. No, the whole idea you fucks is supposed to be that he's a really smart guy and then he's basically a monster. A monster with unlimited strength. Like unlimited power. Who talks like Hulk smash? He's not smart. Right, like in the Thor movie where he's working as a fighter and he has like a room and he's taking baths and stuff like that. What was that movie, Ragnarok? And he's- I didn't see that one. You didn't see that one? Yeah. No. Where the Hulk is a fighter. He's like a gladiator. But he's treated like a hero and he has all the gladiator stuff, you know? And it's like, yeah, the Hulk wouldn't be doing that. Like the Hulk would just be smashing and destroying. Yeah, I need to watch that one. But- Oh, that's, see, I didn't see this movie. Damn, that looks dope. Oh, it's fun. Yeah, that's one of the- No, this is one of the funny ones, man. You got to see that one. So the Hulk goes to battle, spoiler alert, with Thor? Yeah, but the Hulk's like a gladiator and Thor ends up on the island and Thor ends up in the ring with him. But it's dumb Hulk, right? Dumb Hulk's good Hulk. You don't want smart Hulk. No, he's not fully dumb. He's not a- He's not scientist Hulk, but he's smart enough to hold conversations. What a mismatch that would be if it was real. Are you fucking kidding me, Thor? Just relax. How much Marvel were you into growing up? Were you into- Love, dude. I didn't like DC that much, but it was a giant Marvel guy. Because I was a big Marvel guy, and I tell people one of the big things, and they brought it up in the first Avenger movie, and this was a storyline. I remember this. The Hulk could never fight Thor because they were both so strong they would destroy the planet. Because the Hulk's strength was unlimited because the matter he got, the stronger he got. And Thor's a god, which is something they never play in the movies, but in the comic books, every now and then Thor would remind him like, I'm a god. I can destroy the whole planet. My dad is the god. That's the problem if he's a god, then what the fuck is Captain Marvel? Because that chick trumps everybody. She comes down and everybody's gonna sit the fuck down. Yeah, I don't know. Mom's here. She's the superhero mom. Captain Marvel's the number one superhero. Yeah, she's the most powerful. Although in- If you want to save the world, you call her. In that last one, when Thor went to where he got the new axe made, Yes. that was like, he was controlling a son, right? Wouldn't it like the power of a son was good? You know, it's really, and this is what I love, and this is why women laugh at us. Because we're having this discussion. Oh yeah, for sure. But it's also what makes, what is the really pretty girl's name? She's Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett Johansson, yeah. What is her character? Black Widow. But she just kicks ass, right? She's just like a UFC girl. Right, yeah, she doesn't have any power. Valentina Shevchenko hanging out with Iron Man. Right, that's what it's like. She's Valentina Shevchenko's UFC Strawweight Champion. That's what it's like. And the other thing is, she shoot, like she has a gun, but no one they fight can be killed with bullets. I'm sorry, she's a flyweight champion, she's a straw. Yeah, no one can be killed with bullets. And how about the dude, Jeremy Renner's character? Right, Hawkeye. He's got a bow and arrow. Yeah. That is ridiculous. He has a lot of special arrows. But he doesn't even have a gun. Yeah, at some point. The fuck, you're fighting off aliens. Like you're fighting aliens with, and you got a bow and arrow. It's like, man, you've skipped generations of weapons technology. Yeah, and he seems to never run out of arrows. It's amazing. That's the superpower. Yeah, there's like the imbalance of superpower is so crazy. You can have a guy with a bow and arrow or the fucking Hulk. Right. Hawkeye has no superhuman powers with the exception of the period when using prim particles to become Goliath. Okay, whatever, dorks. He's at the very peak of human conditioning. Sure he is. He's an exceptional fencer, acrobat, and a grandmaster marksman having been trained from childhood in a circus by the criminals, trick shot at, oh boy. Well, I'm a big Jeremy Renner fan. I like that guy a lot. However, we have to be realistic about superpowers. You got the Hulk on one hand. You got Captain Marvel on another hand. And a dude who's like an acrobat. Yeah, Hawkeye. Good at shooting shit. I think Hawkeye's limit is fighting crime. Right, like criminals Hawkeye could take down, but when superpowers and aliens and stuff come in, that's when you gotta make some phone calls. Well, I just can't buy aliens coming at you and you're shooting them with a bow and arrow. I just, they came here from another planet to shot with a bow and arrow. Come on, come on. Yeah, well, who else? Well, Captain America, he's just really strong. Yeah, but superhuman. Yeah, superhuman strength. Part of a experiment. Right. But he's like bulletproof, isn't he? No. No? No, he can be hurt. But he heals really quick or something? No, he can be hurt. But doesn't he heal real quick? No, what's his name? Wolverine. Wolverine heals instantly. I thought Captain America had one of them jammies too. Not like, I don't think like Wolverine. He probably heals quicker or could take more pain or something than most. Captain America, okay, has agility strength, speed, endurance, and reaction time superior to any Olympic athlete who ever competed, LOL. The super soldier formula that he has metabolized has enhanced all of his bodily functions to the peak of human efficiency. Oh, he ain't shit. Iron Man could fuck him up. Just peak bodily functions, but that's it. Right, you can't fuck with Iron Man with that bullshit ass set of skills. Yeah. He's just a really strong dude. But in the movie he's not. In that movie, he's way stronger than any person who's ever lived. Right, and he's also the leader. Like he's the military strategy guy, I guess. He's the most sculpted. Look at that face. Iron Man tells you who he is. Yeah, billionaire playboy philanthropist, genius. But all of them can eat shit. I want the Hulk. I want the Hulk to come out. Yeah, I'm gonna go Hulk. I'm gonna go Hulk or Thor. Those would be my two in a fight. Interesting. Captain Marvel comes down, fucks them all up. She's badass. They gave her too many powers. She almost has too many powers. They gave her everything except a good movie. That's true. They keep fucking her in the movie department. Yeah, they do. Why? Her movie was, her movie was, eh. So it's like it filled the story, so you knew who she was. But it wasn't that great, you know? It didn't match up with someone who has the powers that she has. Like she, look, if you're playing a game, and the game is good guys versus the bad guys, on your good guy side, you wanna have, you'd be real pumped if one person had way more power than anybody who's ever lived. That's her. Right, or you would just, you'd wait to play that card. Yeah. You know, you'd let people know, like, hey, don't let me have to pull Captain Marvel. Don't let me have to wake her up. Right. Because if she comes down here. You fucked. Everybody's fucked. But here's the thing, they can't figure out a way to make a good movie with that? I don't know. I mean, again, the movie was all right, but it wasn't great. It didn't show who she is. That's why, she'd have to have a boyfriend. Like, remember when Wonder Woman had a boyfriend? Yeah. People liked it better. Some regular soldier got to fuck Wonder Woman. Right. Remember? And you know what? No one would believe you. Yeah, you'd have to shut up about that. But, yeah, I'm sure. Man, I'm fucking Wonder Woman. You can keep your mouth shut. No, you're not. Yeah. Looking up Captain Marvel's powers, and a little question popped up. Who is the strongest Marvel hero? Yeah. Do you know? The strongest? Would he be Captain Marvel or Thor? I thought it would be Thor Hulk. It says also in The Destroyer, which I've never heard of. But it says Hercules. And I didn't know Hercules was in there. The fuck out of here with that bullshit. Hercules was in like a few comic books, but he's not. Hercules ain't shit. Hercules ain't considered part of the Marvel universe. No. Stan Lee didn't create Hercules. Exactly. Yeah, you're not allowed to do that. By the way, why would you have Hercules in a comic book? That's a cheap move. I do vaguely remember Hercules being in some Marvel comics. But no, I don't think he counts. They didn't create him. You got lucky with Thor. Leave it at that. You stole one god. You can't steal any other mythical characters. Right. And it was cool with Thor, because in the comic books, he was human too. He had like a human form, and then he would turn into Thor. Did he? Yeah, in the comic books, he had a human form. Oh, I don't remember that. But you would think that someone else could make a Thor movie. Like why can't they make a Thor movie? Like an origin movie about Thor the God. Can you do that? They might. But no one's ever done that. Isn't that amazing? They haven't done it yet. But who knows? They had some movies where people pretend they're in the clouds, and they pretend they're gods. There's been some god movies, right? Right. Wasn't there a... Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah!