Alonzo Bodden Loves Terrible Movies

The 80s was a special time man. There's so many things 80s. Miami Vice. Yes! Right? There's so many things 80s that were just 80s. Yes! Yeah. Miami Vice. Miami Vice, man. What do you have? A Lamborghini or something like that? A Ferrari Testarossa. Yeah, Testarossa. The white one, remember? The white Testarossa with the things on the side. The... Crockett and tubs. So, what happened to the other dude? I don't know. Yeah, the pastel suits. Yes, with no socks. They had no socks on. Always. Look at them. Loafers. No socks. Not a bad show back. That was a Ferrari. That car. Yeah. That was a different Ferrari. I think that was what he had early. He had that one and then he got the Testarossa. That's weird being the other guy though, right? Oh, he's got a sock. Like Don Johnson, entire career. Got a sock. And then you're the... What were we watching? There was some... Oh, Transformers was on, right? And you know, in the first scene in the Transformers when they're in the desert and it's like... There's like five military guys, you know? And the first three that get killed. I was like, imagine being one of those guys and then you watch Tyrese Gibson and the other guy go on to this billion-dollar franchise and like, you got killed in the first scene. Like, you're like, why didn't I live? By the way, I've been that guy in a few movies. How many movies have you done? I haven't done many. I've done maybe five. I am very strict in my casting. I can be a security guard or a bouncer. Played a security guard as a bouncer and... When you think about those kind of shows like Fast and the Furious, like those movies, how the fuck did that happen? How do those movies make that much money? It's a simple formula. But how many people are buying that simple formula over and over again? How is that happening? Because it's almost like a cartoon, right? Listen, when Fast and Furious came out, it's like, okay, we got cars, we got women, we got guns. Do we even need a script? Do we even need a script? Just turn it loose. And that's what every movie, right? That's like, yeah, just make the cars bigger, make the guns bigger, make the guys bigger. Drifting. Right? That the women are hotter. If you watch Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift, apparently every schoolgirl in Japan is wearing a Catholic school miniskirt at all times. Tokyo Drift. But it works. It's a simple formula. Look at the amount of money it made. Absolutely. Oh my God. 1,518,722,794. Yes. What in the fuck? Worldwide is way better this year. Oh my God. That's so, that's the one movie. That's the Fast and Furious 7. One movie made that much money. But look at, I mean... Two of their movies made over a billion dollars. Yeah, why wouldn't they? Though it's a cartoon formula that works. That's amazing. It's a formula that works. Look at the total. It's flashing. Almost 6 billion worldwide. Flashy, beauty. Yeah, stuff like that, you know, yeah. How could it not work? How could it not work? Yeah. Yeah. All right. And if I told you I'm the head writer for... If I told you I wrote The Fast and Furious, how are you going to prove me wrong? Listen man, I love muscle cars and I hate those movies. So what does that say? But that was part of the first, the first movies were Muscle versus... Yeah. ...Tuner, right? They even got you. They got you in the beginning. You got the muscle car. No, what I'm saying is, they got the muscle car guy. Yeah, they got the muscle cars, but they didn't get me. I was like, what is this movie? No, not you, but you know what I'm saying, but they got the muscle car fans in the beginning. They don't have that anymore? Vin Diesel drove the muscle car all the time, right? He had that Dodge or Chrysler, whatever it was. Dodge. Yeah, he had that through like the first three movies, right? How do you know so much about these movies? Oh, I love watching those, man. Joe, I love bad movies, man. Do you? Biker Boys. Biker, thank you. Biker Boys has to be one of the... I just turned someone on to it. It's Lawrence Fishburne in a motorcycle drag racing movie. What? Oh, it's fantastic. When was this made? And it's not just him. Orlando... 83? 2003. Orlando Jones is in... Oh, my God. That's Orlando Jones right there. Oh, my God. That is Orlando Jones. Look at Lawrence. Are you kidding? Lawrence Fishburne? Kid Rock. Kid Rock is in the Kid Rock, Ryan's the White Biker gang. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. What is this? It's a world fueled by power. Oh, my God. I might just find my new favorite movie. Holy shit, this looks bad. That's Kid Rock with a dog collar. Oh, my God. It's got a dog collar. Oh, my... It's a life driven by respect. Oh, my God. Wait a minute. That's a black dude with a motorcycle vest on from a gang. He's got a black dude in the Hell's Angels. They have the same kind of motorcycle vest as Hell's Angels, too, which is so silly. Yeah, Lorenz Tate right there. Oh, my God. This looks bad. Oh. Ready, set, go. Yeah, man. I love bad car and bike movies. I love those. And the other bad movies are like The Badass Chick. Like, she kicks everyone's ass, but it's like a bad movie, but she's bad ass going through it. Whenever they're like, they hit me with You May Also Like, I'm like, you damn right, I may also like... I want to see it. I want to see it. Yes. You may also like it. Damn right I'm going to also like... Oh, my God. Yeah, Biker Boys and Torque fight. Torque's another one? Torque and Biker Boys were the same movie. They tried to do A Fast and Furious on motorcycles. Oh, my God. Now, Torque stars Ice Cube and it's like a white biker group and a black biker group and Ice Cube's in it and Dane is in it, Dane Cook's in it. And just, yeah, they were horrible. But they were comic and as a motorcycle rider, they're even better because it's even worse. You know what I mean? Because you can point out what's horseshoe about it. Oh, man, it was so much fun drag racing. Look at this. There you go. Yeah. This isn't even the trailer. This is a scene from the movie. Yeah. Oh, look, that's him driving. That bike is... That was actually made. Leno has one of those. It's a jet powered motorcycle. That's a jet powered... Oh, my God. It doesn't fly like that, but what the hell? Why not? That's that dude who was in 30 Days of Nights. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, he's a bad guy in a lot of movies. He's really good as a bad guy. Yeah. Come on, man. How do you not watch this? Easy. Look at that. Oh, come on. There's no way I'm watching this. Are they shooting at each other? Yes, of course they shoot. I can't do this. Of course they're shooting at each other in downtown LA. Alonzo. And you get to see the bullet. I can't. Yeah.