Joe Spotted a Black Panther in Texas

Dude, last night, okay, last night on my security camera, there was a big black cat. Like a 60, 70 pound fucking something or another. Oh my god. Well, I don't know what it is. See, the thing about Texas is, this is a real issue. There's more tigers in captivity in Texas than all of the wild of the world. Really? Because of like rich people wanting. Because assholes. Just people just have a fucking fence. I want a tiger. And you could just have a tiger here. Yeah. I'm like, I'm freedom, America. Yeah. Like zebras. Like my wife saw a zebra once. She was driving on the road. She saw a fucking zebra. The zebras just get out, right? Like people have zebras and they just get out sometimes. Well, whatever this thing was, it's like a black panther. Can you ride a zebra? No, you cannot. Are they short? No, they're horse sized. It's a fucking horse, a wild horse that cannot be tamed. No one has ever been able to tame a zebra. It's like trying to ride a wolf. Like get the fuck out of here. I relate. Maybe my spirit, I don't want a zebra. Anyway, I'm in the middle of this. Outside of my fucking house, there is a big black cat. Like a black panther. Wow. Like as big as my dog. My dog's like 80 pounds. This thing is like that size. Wow. Probably like a little less than him, but it's a big fucking black cat. And you see its eyes on the security camera walking down. And then my neighbor, who walks his fucking dog at night, his dog is like on death's door, right? It's like sweetheart of a dog. Yeah, of course. He's got a headlamp on. The dog? No, the neighbor. The dog's like dragging his legs. I'm trying to tell a story and you're fucking up my flow. This guy is dragging his fucking dog, right? The dog walks slow and he's kind of pulling him along on the leash. The cat runs towards them. I'm thinking I'm going to see a murder. Were you a little excited? Be honest. No, no, because I had found out about it after the fact. I know he was okay. But it ran towards him and then decided last second to dart off into the woods. But it heard the footsteps, turned the tail, and it just goes running towards him. Like it thought he was a fucking deer or something. But it was creepy. It was a big black cat. I'm more concerned. How are these people about to walk their dog so close to my king's home? I don't like this. Well, they live in the neighborhood. They're walking around. This fucking cat is wandering around in a residential neighborhood. That's crazy. And it's because it's from someone else's house. I don't know what it is. When I looked at it, I just typed in black panthers in Texas in the wild. What comes up is from not that long ago, it says the wildlife officials say they don't exist in Texas and what you probably saw is a black hog or otter. I'm like, no, no, no, no. That's the main. Nope. No, no. I thought you were going to say it was like a black panther. Listen, I have a video. It's a black cat. There's no doubt about it. No way fans are about. I know what a hog looks like. They look totally different. A hog is a big bodied thing with little tiny ass legs. I'm right here. Okay. And I'm still wearing my hat shirts. I don't give a shit. Black panthers do not exist in the Lone Star state. That's not true. I don't like Lone Star. It's not so sad. It's not. It could have been private, I guess. Yeah. Well, that's my whole point. Go back up. Listen, that's what it looks like. No fucking bullshit. That is 100%. Those hot, beautiful, gorgeous eyes. That is a hot thing. That is a sexy animal. If I was a girl, I'd want to get fucked by that. Listen, my dad might be upset, but. If I was a girl, Kat. See those things, black panthers, what they are is, it's the spots, but the spots are all over their whole body. Oh, really? Yeah. So what that is, is like a jaguar. Is there skin, if you shaved it, is there skin dark? I don't believe so. I don't know though. Might be. Show me, Google black jaguar spots. Well, there's this thing. Jaguar undies. The mystery of the Texas black panther sighting solved. What is that? It was the year before that. I don't know. I saw this too. Jaguar undies? Those sound hot. They come in thongs? One of my security guys said he saw one in the woods. I think he said he was walking his dog too. He saw one in the woods, a black panther. He said it was just like that. He was the one who spotted this thing on the camera. So they're fucking, listen, I have a video of it. I believe you. It's 100% real. So those assholes from Texas wildlife, they need to shut the fuck up. I got a video. This thing is a real cat. Well, they probably are saying there's none like just in the habitat, but it's because they don't know that. Here's why they don't know that. Jaguars in particular have been spotted in the wild in Arizona and they didn't think they used to exist in Arizona. They thought they were extirpated. Pull up jaguars in Arizona. It's going to be the cars. There's a lot of retired people. I can't help it, Joe. They're new cars. Jaguars, they still make them. They're not retired. What's the car? Okay. When I make my big bucks coming up here, what's my car? I think you need a convertible. Look at you. Really? I want to test the first thing. Yeah. See, these are jaguars in Arizona. They're so pretty. Beautiful. Gorgeous animal. You know I want to just wear that jacket. Just get a fake one. Of course. I would never get a real one. Don't murder the jaguar. Someone killed that one. The lower left hand corner. Oh, that's sad. That was the ... They killed it in Mexico. That was like a famous jaguar. Do you know that doctor? It was one of the two remaining jaguars in the US. It says two remaining jaguars in the US, but I'm pretty sure they killed it in ... No, no, no. Go back. Go back. Well, that's really sad. See it in the left hand corner, right below related images. See known jaguar shown right there. Yeah. Click on that one. It's a very typical. It explains how they know. It roamed southern Arizona in 2016, but they killed it in Mexico. Interesting to wear a matching dress with the background. Does she have a matching jaguar dress? No, I'm just saying. She was wearing a blue. Oh. With the background was blue. You're such a girl. I can't help it. I tried not to be. I do. I do. Doesn't say. Anyway, I'm 90% sure they killed it in Mexico, but they live in Mexico. They live in South ... It looks Mexico-ish. Yeah, it does a little bit. Look at those slides. They live in ... Does it say? Killed by a mountain lion hunter. Does that have rumor that it was? Oh, you heard someone trapped or killed one in Mexico. Mm. Right, so. Sonora, Mexico. Yeah, that's what I heard too. But my point is that in South America, they're plentiful. They live in the jungle. Like in the Amazon, they're very dangerous. Like they jack people all the time. They're big. They're a big animal. What do they do to them? They eat them. Oh, they kill them? They eat people. Yeah. Do you know when people do ayahuasca and they do it in the Amazon, they have all these images of jaguars? And there's jaguars and snakes are like a big part of the natural imagery. Yeah, I did mine in Chicago. I was just thinking deep dish pizzas. They think they're taking on the spirit of the jungle. This is like all the things you're afraid of in the jungle and all the things that are in control in the wild and the powerful forces of the jungle. I don't know.