Joe Rogan: Sharks Are Like Werewolves…

Dude, I'm terrified of the ocean. Why? Getting in that water with all those fucking things would be better than you. Yeah, but most of them don't care about you. Most of them, you're just looking at them. That's the key word, isn't it? Yeah. Most of them. I went to the Galapagos over this year, and I saw hammerhead sharks while snorkeling. It was rad. Nothing cuter than a baby hammerhead. Like this big. Amazing, like a foot long. It was the cutest thing ever. But like, yeah, I can see how the ocean is big and dark and scary. Dude, it's terrifying. Yeah, I know. I still get a little nervous when I go in the ocean. You should be scared. Yeah, I do. You can't move good. There's monsters in there. They're real. I know. This is what I always say about sharks. If there was a werewolf and the werewolf came out every full moon, every full moon, if you were outside your house, you got murdered. You just got ripped apart. It happened to one person, every full moon, all across the land. Yeah. People would be like, fuck, man, I'm not going out on a full moon. OK. Sharks are like werewolves, but they're werewolves every day of the year. I don't think shark attacks are that common. Because they don't see you, and you're not supposed to be there. So they're not accustomed to you. If they were accustomed to you, like if we lived in the water with sharks, do you think the moral duty that sharks have to be good neighbors, who keep them from eating us? If we were just everywhere in the water all the time and sharks figured it out, we'd be like, oh, we can just eat them. Let's just eat them. They're just dumb. They don't know they're supposed to eat us. They have a narrow thing in their eye of what they're supposed to be eating. Yeah, I don't think they like us. I don't think they want to eat us. They're just not accustomed to it. Their focus is, look. When they bite people, don't they spit them out a lot? They rarely finish a human. You see them, they take a limb. They don't finish a human. I saw Jaws, dude. In Jaws, they finish people. And there was also like fucking license plates and shit. Remember? Oh, yeah. They eat trash. Yeah, they'll eat anything. Yeah, yeah, they'll eat trash. They'll eat your asshole. They eat everything. Yeah, but they probably wouldn't eat two license plates in a row. They might. I don't think they think. I think they're just eating machines. I don't calculate any better, but I don't think there's any evidence that sharks are like wizards. I don't think smart and clever. Like dolphins are clever as fuck. Or because they're clever. We know. Sharks just these murderers. Just ahh with a continual row of teeth. Yeah. The teeth fall out, new one pops in, bang like a rotor. But I don't go diving where there's fucking great lights. Dude, they're everywhere. I mean, yeah, I guess. You don't go into a neighborhood. They can just decide to go to your neighborhood. It's like if you were camping and a giant campground. And out there in that campground, wolves were tearing open, fucking tents and pulling people out and eating them alive. Would you feel like, well, they don't ever come up here. They're literally chumming that shark. They're feeding that shark. Terrific. It's a real thing, dude. They brought in a werewolf. This is what I'm saying. Doesn't matter. Like if you had a fucking cage and it could put you in the middle of the woods and your friend ties a lamb to the outside of the cage so you could see the werewolf in real life and it looks like American werewolf in London. That's that! I know. That's the same thing. I don't go fucking shark diving. What do you want from me? Just stay out of the ocean. Please. Do me a favor. I like the ocean. Look at those teeth. I know. I'm so scared for you. I know. I go, what about Joe? Don't you go walk? What about mountain lions? You go walk in the woods with your fucking dogs and shit. Terrifying! I bring a knife on such a pussy. I'm trying to pretend that I'd be able to stab some mountain lion and get it off of me. I'd dive with a knife. My dog would try to make friends with the mountain lion. He's so nice. You know what he barks at? hilarious. The only thing he barks at is when he barks at people have a Santa Claus on their driveway. He's like, what the fuck is that? He's never seen. You know, he doesn't know what the fuck they are. He doesn't see. There's like a normal thing for him to see. Like a glowing Santa Claus. We're walking, and I take him to the trail, and I open up the back to let him out. He jumps out onto the sidewalk and looks at this guy's fucking this guy's fake snowman. He starts barking. Oh my god. And then he just goes, oh my god, I'm an idiot. He realizes this is just some fucking thing that's not really a person. And then he just runs up the hill.