Joe Rogan Learns About Bedbugs, Flatworms and Traumatic Insemination

I don't think it is. I don't think it's real. I think it's... That's one of the things that I love about nature. You know, we were watching a video yesterday of an owl eating the head off of a hawk, because I was explaining there was a sort of a hawk war that went on in my backyard. At one point in time, these owls killed these hawks, and I would find these headless hawks. Like, owls are mean motherfuckers, man. Oh, man. They're so mean. They look wise and kind, but they are badass. They're so mean. But they eat the hawk's heads. That's like the way they do it, and I found this out by Googling, who the fuck eats hawks' heads? I would find these hawks in the middle of my yard with no fucking head. I'm like, what is this? It's great. It's owls, man. They were these badass owls that would fuck up these hawks. Great recommendation from you. What? Bunny UFC. Bunny UFC? I had never seen rabbits fighting. Oh, yeah. They're so mean. Oh, my God. They're so mean. I tried to figure out which of the animals that I want to see fight the most. So giraffes are way the hell up there. Oh, yeah. They fight wild. Giraffe battles are the best. Bunny UFC is so funny. They're so mean. It's like kangaroo fighting, for sure. Well, we didn't know how mean they were to each other until my daughters got two male bunnies, and we left them in a coop together. And we're like, oh, well, this is not good. And they grew up together. I mean, these weren't like bunnies that didn't know each other, but they would fight to the death, and they would fight all the time. Their ears were all torn apart. We had to separate them. Yeah. So this is... They fight all the time. They're rodents, man. Have you seen penis fencing in flatworms? No. No, I have not. Penis. Focus. Fencing. In flatworms. Okay. Jamie? I'm learning. I learned so much from you about bizarre animal sexual behavior, all the way back to the cuttlefish that pretend to be women. Yeah. That was a good one. That's a really good one. Okay. Because there's a lot of men out there like that in society. So this is penis fencing with flatworms. So this is like, in terms of why do people who like social engineering not like biology, flatworms have two different life cycles, a male and a female life cycle. And they don't know when they encounter each other and romance calls, whether or not they will be male or female. And it's decided by a violent contest. So they've got, I believe, two plural of penis. To peni? Let's go with peni. I only want to see one at any given moment. They have two penises and they attempt to stab each other and whoever penetrates the other succeeds in what might be termed traumatic insemination. And the loser is assigned the feminine gender. Right? So the idea is that it's more costly to bear the young than it is to pierce the opponent. So female is given to the loser. Whoa. So they just do battle until someone fucks the other one. Right. And that person becomes a chick. Now, that thing. There's a worse species. What? Bed bugs. Bed bugs have no vaginal opening. You don't make one? The only way that a female can bear young is if a male attacks her thorax and breaks it open in an act which is definitely called traumatic insemination. So, you know, you have a situation in which violent rape is the only method by which females can leave young. So what they do to you when you stay in a hotel is just child's play compared to what they do to each other. My point is, if you want to talk about eradicating bed bugs with DDT, I'm all for it. They are the feminists' worst nightmare species. And you know, you and I talk about the natural world. What does that look like? Well, they blow up like balloons, I think. So if you see one that's flat, it hasn't really gorged. So they're like ticks-ish. Anyway, we had them under control, I believe, due to DDT. And on my list of 10 nightmare species, bed bugs and flatworms for the twin traumatic inseminations would be way up at the top. So it's like a needle. So they literally puncture through the thorax with a needle. Oh, there we go. Christ. Yeah, now these are... If there is a good Lord, boy, does he or she have a lot to answer for. Yeah. What did you do, you fuck? Why did you make bed bugs? And why did you make it like that? Imagine what kind of natural selection takes place where the only way that you can reproduce is through violent rape. Well, it's interesting. There's a different system, which I think is fascinating, which is there's a conserved quantity in dung beetles where they have weaponry on their heads in the form of antlers for fighting the males. And it turns out that there's an inverse relationship. So there's some resource that's allocated between the copulatory equipment and the weaponry that the dung beetle has. If they have a lot of weaponry... Oh, there goes the Sean Connery. That's good. And the eyebrow thing? Yeah, I love it. It's excellent. I've tried it for years and I can't do it. You can't do it? Is that the genetic thing, right? I don't know if it's genetic. I think it is. I'm just a failure. Okay. The larger the weaponry, the smaller the copulatory apparatus. Oh, so it's like a monster truck thing. Yeah. If you don't have it going on, you got to go get yourself a monster truck. It was like that tiny little gun in bed in black. Anyway, so what happens is that the size of the copulatory apparatus may be the engine of speciation that when a male's equipment no longer fits the female, that may be the cue that some dung beetles will speciate because they can't reproduce effectively. And we don't know why the conserved quantity would be spread between fighting equipment, which is used only to displace rivals, and the size of the package.