#2087 - Ron White

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Ron White

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Ron White is a stand-up comic, actor, and author. He is also back on tour, with all available dates at: www.tatersalad.com

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Wandering puppy into this studio. She's tangled in the wires now. Yeah, you know what we could just put her out there There's a they got new puppies out there. I'll just put her outside that she doesn't need to be around these wires Let's have her do that play with the puppy. Yeah, she'll do that How old is she six months six months? He's adorable. What's her name again? Maddie. It's just like a rug that she hits She's what she is a little adorable little She's a cutie pie golden doodle micro golden doodles what they're calling micro golden doodle. Yeah So that's about how big she's supposed to be that's it She's as big as they get that one's supposed to help so I still got a cram one planes and shit when when I was travel. Those things all came for wolves. Did they really? Yeah. I don't know anything about where she came from. I got it from a breeder. All dogs came for wolves. They did. It's just incredible that they can get a dog down to that. I mean, even a German Shepherd. I might have to turn a German Shepherd into a Chihuahua. How? How'd they do this? I'm glad I'm not the one that were asking how to do it because I would have to say, I have no idea, dude. I don't even think they know how people did it. Because it happened to Chihuahua. Chihuahua isn't let them bang. That's the only way. That's the two way. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, then I miscalculated something. I got a miscalculation going on in my head. No, we're good. It's like what is in here? 70? It's called a shit outside. 70. It's called it shit outside. Yeah it is. I'm up in the air on the 22nd floor. I'm still living in the condo. It is breezy up there. Yeah boy you open up that sliding glass door. Yeah it tastes the reality. [2:01] You know, one a couple days ago we could barely shut it you know or open it. It was just so much pressure against it. We're in Midland on Wednesday or Thursday night. The show. Thanks to you. If you'd have just let me retire. I would have been in Midland and I'm sitting on my bus, my 60,000 pound tour bus and it is shaking in the wind. It is blowing so hard. I've known that bus 17 years. I've never felt anything like this and it just shaken and that bus driver had to drive it from there to Houston for the next night's show. He got up at 10 hours later just rassling that steering wheel trying to keep that thing on the road. Oh my god. His shoulder were killing him. His back was sore. It looked like he'd been in a fight all night long. 10 hours. What a boss is such a big target for win too, there's so much surface area. They go sail. Yeah. And luckily they weigh a lot. So there's 60,000 pounds and you know, so it's pretty stable compared to a trailer, right? That somebody's pulling, right? There's no weight in that. [3:00] All that weight's right here. That stuff really blows around worse than we do. Yeah, what about you? We have got weight distribution just the whole trailer. I know all about this shit If you want to know any of just ask me questions, okay, all right The hinge they get something between the two trailers if something goes sideways I would imagine that will be a lot harder to get back on track. I don't know jack shit about that It's back. I don't and fact I've owned my bus for 17 years, I've never driven it one foot. And if you held a gun to my head and said, I'm gonna kill you if you don't move this bus, I'd say you're gonna have to kill me, dude, cause I don't even know how to start it. I've never been curious. I'm not that kind of person. I know I would have jet for years. I never went in the cockpit. I couldn't tell you what goes on up there. I'm sure other people up there knew how to flew a plane, fly a plane, but I've never started it. I've never moved it. I've had cops bang on. You got to move it. You're blocking out. I'm sorry, dude. You got the wrong guy. And the guy that says, the driver's asleep right now because he got a drive so long. [4:07] Yeah, well you drive 500 miles and then you're, then they go on over drive. So they make the same for the next couple of hours that they made for the whole day. So they like that. But you, but there are laws against how much that they can run without, without needing some rest. We run that bus tonight. so they got to sleep during the day. You're banking on people being able to stay awake. People fall asleep at the wheels sometimes. Yeah, you got to go with super pros and pay them well, because those guys understand how important it is. You got everything on this thing. My life, my friends', you know. And my family, you know, that's who I've spent the most time with in the last, whatever 30 years. And you know, they say you get a pro that knows how to sleep, knows how to do it, knows how to work it, knows how to work those hours. You know, I got a great guy now that I just picked up. [5:02] I'm Steve who used to work for Primo's Fixed-Om. And Fred Apache, who used to build the bus. So I got the bus covered, man. That's nice. Because you got like a little travel and apartment. Yeah, it's spot. It's the greatest. You ought to get one. In fact, I was looking at him the other day for you. Do. I was like, you're not too. You got a place to store it. No. Park it in one of your gyms. No, just a thought of traveling around on highways while you're just kind of... You're hoping all these other people around you can keep their shit together. Right. You just have regular people, not pilots driving multi thousand pound machines on rubber tires weaving in and out of lanes Yeah, you you can't ever come on my bus with thoughts like that. Just be with him out there I'll never sleep again Me the other day didn't see me on the highway. I don't think I think you just cut right in front of me and I was like wow [6:05] Never saw you we saw me the other day didn't see me on the highway. I don't think, I think you just cut right in front of me and I was like, wow. Never saw you. I think you saw me. I think you just turned in my lane. I think you know, it was a left lane thing. He was going into the left lane. I just don't think he saw me. I, you know, the problem with that bus is that you get so used to it and you've of forget that you're standing there, but you're really going 70 miles an hour. So if something happens, and this happened one time, we were in Orlando, and it was actually a cop that did it, cut in front of the bus, I'm standing there washing dishes or whatever I was doing. And then Pat's got to hit the brakes and turn to the left from going for it. I'm now going 70 miles an hour. I'm still going 70 miles an hour. I'm still going 70 miles an hour, but he's going 52 and going that way, and I'm going 70 miles an hour this way. And I landed on this chair, which looks padded, but it doesn't feel padded when you hit it. And I thought I would never walk again or breathe again and after I just walked away from it, I wouldn't even hurt, [7:00] but you gotta sit down and remember, hey, this thing's moving, right? So something happens, you gotta be ready for it to happen. Yeah. And I sleep like a baby on it. Ooh, that's crazy. In fact, I spend too much time on it. I gotta hire somebody to shake my bed when I'm at home, just a little bit, so I feel like I'm moving down. If we wanted to look at the bright side of human beings, highways are a pretty good indicator that people for the most part keep it together for the most part. I think that's really how you can really tell when you're back in America and how good we are at putting a country together you know is how good our roads are compared to you know you it's really funny if you cross the bridge from Reynaux and Mexico to Macau and Texas which I used to do all the time it was a joint project sonocia, Mexico to Macau in Texas, which I used to do all the time, it was a joint project. So you as Bill half the bridge, Mexico, Bill half the bridge. And I'm not being a racist and I love Mexican people. I just got back from Mexico City. But our side of the bridge is moving itself instead of you if that river boom boom boom boom. But that just goes to [8:03] what you just said. It a it's a mark of what you've achieved as a as a civilization the kind of road work that you've got and you get back to Texas where we got those U-turn lanes on the freeway we got to figure it out here in Texas man we got the best roads ever best roads ever it's just just counting on all those people to keep their shit together all the time. Why do you drive it on the highway? And most people do it. Most people, the vast majority of us, keep our shit together. That's why I think bus drivers should make more than pilots because there's way more shit to run into. Oh yeah, way more. And there's things that can make mistakes that are all around you. Right. The things that are completely out of your control. I didn't go on up in the sky there There's also people play stupid road games. I'm sure you've seen those People get aggressive with each other on the road when when you're in a car and this was explained to me I forget who told us who told us this with with the reason why [9:03] Road rage really exists at such a hyper level is because you're really tuned in because you're driving the car. It's an extraordinary thing. You're really, you know, you know, things are happening fast. Your mind's tuned in. So any little thing like what the fuck? You're already at like seven. Right. And so when you're already at seven and something happens, it just, it freaks you out. So when you're already at seven and something happens, it freaks you out. It's amazing how even headed I think I am, but what really little it takes to set me off, I like to think I'm a step above all that stuff, but I was in Mexico City the other day, and this guy, I needed to find something, a pharmacy, and so this guy was business in the nicest, Beverly Hills part of Mexico City And this guy's walking he's got a business suit on and I literally I don't look that great my hair all over the place and I said Can you tell me where a pharmacy and the guy didn't even look at me just kept on around I said please could you just tell me where a pharmacy is and the guy didn't even look I'm like I fuck you know, I went off on the fucking guy know, you just tried to get where he was going and didn't want to be stopped by some big hairy drug [10:08] addicted looking thing, you know, there was coming at every. You do look a little sketchy. Like if you're asking for where the pharmacy is and I don't know who you are. Right. And I'm basically wearing pajamas and, you know, the winds blow on. But, but that's how far I am away from really snapping that. I'm not hovering above anything. There was always the joke that you go to pharmacies in Mexico and just buy anything. Is that true? Because people would always say that. They would call them like Mexicans. I always call them Mexican supplements. Yeah. steroids and things of people. I think there are some things that you can get like volume and stuff like that, but you can't go down there and get like opioids or you know, I don't think so. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, according to a few TikTok videos I've seen, you can walk in and get lots of like steroid type stuff for sure. [11:01] I'm looking on it like for some reason. Yeah, you can get HGH and stuff like that, but that's not what you're talking about. I'm talking about everything. Like what can you get? Yeah, yeah, now I don't think it's really that open a book. I know you can get cheap dental care. But I think they decriminalized a lot of things in Mexico fairly recently. It's just anything that crazy. You can get that stuff here. So you can just go in with no prescription and buy But but the weird ones like Lexa pros and that that's like an anti-depressant, right? I have no idea what that is you can just go buy Penicillin. Yeah, and why not I mean why should you have to go through it if you know if you need penicillin your Drip and you know get some get something for it, you know go down here patch it up You don't want to admit it to anybody. I think it's a black pepper itself. Look at the dick on there. What does it say? Macho Caliente. Very hot. That's what that means. Very hot. It's a pharmacy. What did you do with a boner? He's got abs too. He's got a little gut, but he's got a mix between me and Rogan. He's got a big old fucking upper body and a gut hanging down there. It's a human viagra pill with a boner and a pharmacy. [12:09] And it's a braero. It's a braero. Yeah, I don't, it's too bad you can't see this. Oh, I guess the people watch this on television, right? Yeah, right. It's so long, too, yeah. Isn't that that thing from like the ancient times? Yes, it is, but it's also, I think it's a sleeping pill. Right, but it's right next to a bottle of shampoo, right? Or that's lotion, body lotion. Is it kind of ironic that so, is soma, is it sleeping medication? Funn' what it is. Because the original soma was like- Muscle-re-laxer. Muscle-re-laxer. So the original soma, they don't even know what it was. There's all sorts of questions as to what it was They think it had something to do with mushrooms perhaps, but it might have been a bunch of other psychedelics too They don't know what it was. I still don't know what it is. Have you heard the term? No, you never heard the term Soma It's like an ancient term for like some sort of a magical elixir. Am I saying that right? Yeah, I mean, this one I Google it says it itself is also a God. So I don't even. [13:08] Some drink is my first thing. I watch some. Ancient Indian drugs. So much. This is right down my alley made from a plant called Soma is a God and a drink that was used as an offering to the gods in some Vedic rituals. Soma was celebrated at an early period as shown in the hymns of the Rigveda. Wow. From where? They don't really, oh, fucking thousands years ago. When was that? And they still use this today? No, it's just, you know, it's more of a term. It's just a term. It's just like a term as like a Soma, as like a thing that cures all a soma is a thing that clears minds. This is insane. It's just a... So you know there's various interpretations of what it does, but it's kind of crazy that they named a muscle relax and that. Like how brazen. How brazen. I bet you do feel better than overall. [14:03] I think you feel great. Yeah, my muscles are pretty relaxed all the time. Yours aren't. You need the muscle relax. What do those do to you? They just concue out? They make me play better golf because it takes the tension out of my shoulders and my shoulders. Yeah, a lot of golfers use all kinds of meds to get loose or they actually go down to stretch lab and get those muscles all stretched out so you can play. I've heard with pool players, Perkisets is a big one. Well, that's all nerves, right? I mean, if you can't... Is that what Perkisets do? Well, yeah, I think so. You know, calm your or dead number or whatever, you know. I've never... I've never taken it. I've been this this there's a pool player that comes up on my feed now And he's like an old kind of chubby fat Mexican looking guy And he's like the greatest pool player that ever lived you know is that who it is from the Philippines? Fuck man. I've been watching that guy play a little bit Once it gets on my TikTok that starts feeding to me if I know I eat it, you know [15:02] They'll go here. I'm not the one having another one, but I like watching the guy play fucking pool. I'm just like, oh, he's fearless. He's got ice water just pumping through his veins, you know. He's a wizard man, like a real wizard. He does things on a pool table. There he is. Yeah, that guy right there. That guy's all over my TikTok feed now. I can't get him off. He does things on a pool table that are like magical. How old is he? Well, he's older now, you know, he's probably in his late, yeah, like 60 Don says And he's still old still playing. He still plays all the time. There's this live stream videos of him playing people down That's what I'm that's what I'm getting that thing. Yeah, so they have these setups like Effron Rayyes is you know Really arguably the greatest pool player in the history of pool players and he's now Still playing all the time online and he plays online and he's not as good as he was when he was in his prime because he's you know He's 69 years old as a young man's game [16:01] I know I played pool my whole life. We had a pool table at my house when I was a kid. And so I always like watching trick players and people that could run the table and do weird shots and stuff like that. This guy changed the way people stroked the ball. He came along and he had this very loose and relaxed hand grip on the cue. Right. Whereas some of the American players, they were a little too tight with their hand on the cue. And effort came along and it was like this flowing sort of like almost like he was playing a musical instrument. Right. And the way he did it is so relaxed that his stroke, like the way the cue ball would dance around the table was wild to watch, man. Right. Maybe that's what I'm so intrigued about because I don't know exactly what I'm seeing, but I was watching it on that and you can see he does have a different motion into the ball and even looks like, you know, with that. Well, you've played pool before. Yeah. [17:00] Right. So if you play pool before, you know, like when someone looks like they're good. Yeah, like that guy looks like you play pool He watch that guy and you're like, oh, this is like a completely different kind of thing and then you would guess that That I would guess if I saw him on the street that I could beat him at pool and And then he would have all my money and I would go what the fuck happened to me just now They brought him over to America under a fake name to hustle with them They brought him over a America under a fake name to hustle with them. They brought him over a Caesar Morales. So these backers, they came from the Philippines and these dudes of big money. They came to America and they brought that dude. No shit. Yeah, that's their killer. And they brought him the pool world is so sneaky. They brought him in under a fake name because they didn't want people to ask around back to the Philippines like people to make calls to the Philippines. Hey, who's this? Have Maria's guy and then everybody would just say, oh, he's the best. He's the best. So instead they just came up with a name. Caesar Morales. And he won this giant tournament as Caesar Morales. It's like a famous. No, I have it. I have it on a t-shirt that Morales stuns field at reds. So they just bring him in to like the biggest pool tournament [18:07] in the country. And this guy's just robbing everybody. Just robbing everybody. Just just getting out and ways. If people like, oh my god, like his stroke is knowledge of where the balls go and the creativity. It's just a genius. Genius, genius genius a virtuoso. Yeah Well, I actually knew nothing about it because My phone figured out that I liked watching him right, but you can still tell yeah You can still even though you don't play a lot of pool you look at that you could tell you like wow That's wild. Yeah, I never played a lot of pool. I was never good I never had a good eye for the for the game I've played a lot so I could play you know I could beat my friends. Yeah, I never played a lot of pool. I was never good. I never had a good eye for the for the game I played a lot so I could play you know, I could beat my friends Yeah, but if somebody came in. It was like ping pong. I could beat it I beat the guys on my block pretty bad But if somebody came in there was a player that they could just push me around and shove me out of the door I've had a couple fun opportunities to play like real pros here like this guy fit Fedor Gourst, he's probably number two or number three in the world. [19:08] Incredible player. And me and him played for hours here. And we're playing. It's just, it's wild just to watch him up close. Do things you go, what the fuck? Like how are you doing that so effortlessly? Yeah. It's like watching a professional golfer when you play golf, you know? The smoothness in the precision, it's just like, fuck, man. As I watched pro golfers, I get to play with them every once in a while. And it's actually kind of like that guy's loose thing, you know. That's how that golf swing is. It's really loose and it's, and it's, and nothing's really connected hard to anything. It's just the way it comes through the ball. It's something magic happens. Yeah, it's a way. I'm trying to strangle the club beat it to death and it doesn't work at all. I'm writing a book right now 50 years of bad golf. How I did it and like I had a plan to do it this bad for so long. Tony says you play good. No, I know. You know what, I'm back like I'm like I wasn't anything. [20:06] I can beat guys my age if you don't know me and we're playing golf together. I'll kick your ass. But am I a player? No, there are guys 10 years older than me that can beat me to death on a golf course. You know, any of those old pro guys that I've hooked up with every once in a while, daily can still beat me like a drum. But... Isn't it interesting? It's like there's a control of a game like that. What an extraordinary talent. Because it's so variable. There's so many things going on. You literally do never do the same thing twice. The whole time you play golf your whole life, because something's going to be different about the wind and the way and the where you want the kind of lie you got on the ground what club you need to get to that and it's all a game of questions and you rarely have the answer even Ben Hogan who was arguably the best ball striker ever said that in an [21:00] average day of golf he hits two shots the way you wanted to. And the rest of them are close to that, you know? So his misses are really good. So if I hit one shot a month, then I'll go that was perfect. And that's about how often I can do it. Everything else is pretty good. It's such a fascinating game. Yeah, you don't have the time. Nope. you don't have the time. Nope. You don't have the time. Nope, nope, nope. I'm scared of it. Scared of love it. You would, but you've always had that position, right? You've always kind of looked at the golf. That's what people that want to get into golf, they think about starting. It's a waste of time and money. You need to understand that going into it more time than you can ever imagine. And you have to settle with how good you want to be because to be better than that, you got to spend hours and hours. But you can just if you can want to just rake it around gamble with your friends, you know, you don't have to practice all that much. [22:00] I do quite a few comic buddies that I think Lost a little inspiration in their career because they were spending so much time playing golf Well, that's how I killed my days and I still do to this day, you know when I was on the road like you were I don't know what you were doing during the day, but I was I was trading tickets for For free golf moving wherever I could and Everywhere you go. Yeah, we still do. That's nice. We travel at night, wake up at a golf course, crawl out, you're in the parking lot. You know, it was like you were fed x over there. That's great. Crawl out of the box and play some golf. Kill another day. Kill another day. You're over here building the empire. I'm killing another day. Yeah, but killing on the day is sweet Yeah, they'll do it that way. I mean what is life? What is life if not enjoyment? It's all about love Yeah, it's all about love. How much do you love? How much care you love? You know, yeah, nothing really means much, but yeah [23:03] But that's you know, it's a waste of time or whatever I could do charity events with golf. People like to see me, you know, she can't, and I like doing that kind of stuff. So, you know, well you just love the game. I do love the game. You love talking about the game. I watch it, you know, because I play it. You know, it's like you and fighting, you know, exactly because you know exactly what that is that they're doing. You can't even hardly explain it to me even when you're trying to make me really understand what's going on exactly. When two guys are on the ground and it looks like nothing's happened and then you're losing your mind because there's so many things happening. That's a hard one to explain too because I'm trying to explain it while it's actually happening. So I have to have the path carved out in my head, like especially on some transitions that guys do. When they go in mount to rear naked choke and I'm trying to set up what he's gonna do while not stepping on what they're doing. And then it's like this weird dance with the description of what's happening in real time. [24:01] All right, that's why nobody can ever take your job. God, a lot of guys can do that. No, not true. A lot of guys could do that. That's not true. No, that's not true. No, that's not true. No, that's not true. No, that's not true. No, that's not true. No, that's not true. No, that's not true. No, that's not true. No, there's this guys that are better at it than me. Like Dominic Cruz is better at it from a technical standpoint than me. You know, he's he's bad. He was a UFC champion. He said a shit ton of fights. He knows a lot about the technical details. Yeah, but he's not, but he's not Joe Rogan. That was not, it's not as fun to hear. Yeah. For me, the fun, I get it, but for me, the fun is the fight. The fun is the, you know, the who the fun knows what's gonna happen. You can tell that. You can see the joy in your face that it brings you with all these fucking events. Well you're getting to see literally the greatest fist fighters of all time. The greatest stand up ground fighting, MMA fighting warriors of all time. [25:06] They exist right now. Now I get that and I get that it's the ultimate sport. Okay, I'll fight you. You know, that's how wars should be decided. One guy and one guy. Instead of we're gonna take our lower middle class, put them in a field with your lower middle class, they're gonna kill each other. Yeah. Now you ought to just fight me in the fucking alley. That's too difficult, wrong wife. So they'd rather just fight you with narratives. Right. Fight you with mandates. But you know me, I won't listen to their narratives. Yeah. That's how I defend myself. I'm really careful about what information I let in my head, because I don't know what's gonna stew around in there. I hear you man. I hear you Especially in this day and age and also there's like there's so much to worry about Every fucking time I get on the news and I start reading what's happening in the world every day It's something new that's insane that you have to worry about. I know and that's why I'm just real careful [26:02] About what news I let in my head, you know, and I've got news feeds on my phone. These are news organizations that I trust that if something wacko in the world's going to happen, it's news and they're going to pick it up. And but if it's something completely unverifiable that I don't even need to fucking know, they're not going to pick it up. And so, but if I know when people go down that fucking dark road in the web, they come out on the other side, and sometimes they're, you can't get them back. You know, they're full blown. I got friends when I came back full blown QAnon. They believed it. Satan, they're Satan, worshipping cabal of Democrats that eat babies. I'm like, we're all the missing babies You know you how many babies does it take to feed all the Democrats if they're all drinking the blood The babies are gonna be some missing babies right somewhere. No, no, yeah, there's a they're from overseas I don't know they got some answers anything you throw at them Tom Hanks is like that's not true [27:03] Tom makes still making movies Tom Hanks didn't need a baby. Yeah, he did. And they believe it. Where the time has come from. They believe it. I don't know. They're down and come from. It's just straight out of cue and on. It was there basic doctrine in the beginning was all this bizarre claims. And I got a friend that's well you matter and I'm not gonna say her name, but it's I mean she believes this with all of her heart Right all of her heart and there's nothing I can do to to to say you know Nothing I can do nothing I can change my I think At least a certain portion of that is other governments certain portion of that is other governments fucking with people. Absolutely. It is. Absolutely. It is. Yeah. And you can sway the un informed. They're not uninformed. They're misinformed. Yeah. They're informed. You know, they're taking in information, but but but it's just the wrong information. And so you can [28:03] be easily manipulated by that kind of stuff. I mean, the human nature wants to go where it finds comfort, you know? Yeah. And if somebody's beating you what you eat, you'll go that way, you know, even if it's not good for you. And people have a very strong desire to uncover mysteries. Right. Very strong desire to get to the truth. Yeah. Because in an important situation, like, if there's something real going on, that's a good quality. It's a good quality to have. But if it's, you know, they're eating babies. It's like, okay. Right. What's the benefit eating babies? Like, why are they doing this? It gives them some kind of super power, you know. It's so bizarre and so off of any, what I would consider realm of possibility, even part of it being true. But people go down there and they'll see just a path of things that lead them, some of it true, some of it not true, not true, not true, not true. They'll head off down that direction, [29:00] they don't come back. It can separate families man. They don't talk to, you know, they're, you know, they can separate families, man, but you know, they don't talk to grandpa anymore. He's gone off to fucking deep end. And you know, it's really insidious about that. Is that the more crazy ones that are out there and the more people start linking them all together, the more real conspiracy sneak through. Because if you're, if you wanted to hide a real conspiracy, I would hide it in a bunch of other bullshit conspiracies. I put a bunch of bullshit ones out there. Sure. And I'd make it so that morons believe that Michelle Obama has a dick. I would just pump it out everywhere. I'd make fake videos. That's what exactly what's going on that's what's going on and not if you did that though then you could sneak in some real conspiracies and that otherwise people would think well that's outrageous that kind of corruption would be uncovered right that kind of corruption would be prosecuted and you like wait no one's going to anybody's getting busted for this right right right nobody right so Right? What? Right, it's a investigated. Right, so it's not really happening. [30:05] It's bananas. But also people want to, you know, I know somebody that has no formal education, right? I don't have any formal education. I didn't make it through high school. My favorite joke that I ever wrote was, I do have a GED, and if you don't know what GED stands for, you've probably got one too. And one of my favorite jokes. But they would love to have the answer to a question. They would love to be able to make a point of some kind. They would love to, but they can't, because they're just sitting around watching other people do it. And I wish I could think of something to say. And I can't think of anything. Well, if there's somebody feeding them something to say, now they get real loud about it, because they have a point to make, even though they don't understand it at all, they just know how to sound like they're making a point, like Lauren Bobert or Marjorie Taylor Greene, or whoever, that's who they were. And now they feel like they can make a point, [31:01] so they're real fucking loud about it. And but if you've actually been around a while, you just sit around and shake your head and go, you're a goddamn idiot. But all you got to do is be the smartest person in your region. And boom, you're in Congress, you know, they think she's smart as fuck down there and spat one little section of George where you're saying or that. It's the problem with it is like how many people that you know want to run the government? How many people do you know? How many, I mean, how many people that you know that are like really healthy, clear thinking, business-minded people that have been successful, that want to run the government? No, but nobody. So you're not getting any of those folks. No, you're not, what you're gonna get is, you're gonna get their money to influence things in the direction they'd like to see you go without them having to be there doing day-to-day stuff on it. So they can't have influence on it, but they don't want it. They don't do, they want to be the president of the United States. Do they have it set up like a minor league like they groomed politicians they get [32:06] into a position and like I like how you stand on this but maybe if you stood a little bit further on this line we can support them. Absolutely. And then they stop grooming them. We're on for the big stage just like you would do with like regional plays and also in your own Broadway. Right. Well, you know, that's the religious right. You know, they're, you know, they wanted, they wanted somebody, they want to get rid of a borscht and so what are they going to do? They got to stack those courts. They're going to do, you're going to, okay, we got, there's a trillion of us and we'll put you in office and we'll be, but you got to, you got to put this judge here and this judge there. So what are, they're going to pass so that's just the way it works. I'm even more cynical. I just can't believe that human beings as a whole haven't resolved a bunch of different things. There's a bunch, I don't believe a really coming back around. I think people are making this argument [33:00] that they're coming back around and they're highlighting moments where it's coming back around. Coming back around to what? I just don't. I just, I mean, I think this is one of the weirdest times ever for human beings to communicate. And I think because there's so many of us and there's so many people that are talking and there's so many voices and it's happening on Everyone's phone and it's happening all over the fucking world all at once never been like this ever ever in the history And it makes you wonder where it's going. I think it's short circling everything. I do too It's short circling our government. It's short circling make me nervous and one of the things that makes me nervous This government that we have it's short-circuiting. It makes me nervous. And one of the things that makes me nervous, this government that we have, it's complicated. It is complicated. So you just can't be some douche bag on the side going, oh, I want a model there. You got to have a plan. Because this thing's got to work. You don't want Jeff separation of church and state. Well, why don't you just move to Iran then? Because that ran then because that's what happened over there. The religious right took over. Now our laws are [34:05] your laws. That used to be a pretty normal place. People don't believe that. But I ran used to be fucking strawberry rivers and shit and normal people with jobs and run. There were people that were willing to laugh at people's deaths because they didn't want to get vaccinated for COVID. at people's deaths because they didn't want to get vaccinated for COVID. There were people like that at the same time thinking they're good people. Yeah. Fall on the internet. I know. I know. You know, when it came to all that stuff, you know me, I don't talk about politics on stage and I never knew and I never will. And it's not, you know, you just want to be able to take us to both people. But no, I want stand-up comedy to be a place where we can laugh. And I'm going to do what I, you know, so I'm not going to take a position, I never did. If I was a political commentator before, okay, that's fine. If I'm not Bill Marr. So I don't bring it into my show because I want us all to come in and just be able to fucking laugh together and find out how much that matters. And at the end of my shows now, I'm reminding people that no matter what our differences are, we just [35:09] still came to this room and we all laughed at the same thing and we laughed hard and we loved each other and we had a great experience. Let's remember that. Let's try to get back to that, you know, instead of all these stupid little things that makes it look like we have, it's like fake rivalries almost. It's not like Texas and Oklahoma, they're the same place. There's no difference between those two places and they act like well, we're Oklahoma, you're not worth it, and somebody put that in their head. What I was getting at was that if they're willing to do that over just some issue of whether you want to or don't want to get a vaccine What would they do if they really believe that God was on their side? What would they do in a really bad thing? They could a really when things go really bad anything when the power goes out for a while Anything they could yeah and and justify it and and I and that's what's dangerous is they genuinely do believe that [36:07] Yes, that we would be better off if we did things like this For sure under these laws of God in this book The by when Jesus would get back to his basic teachings that I'd really dug, you know, which is love each other Love love love and wait a minute that was linen But still Jesus was saying a similar song about you know which is love each other, love, love, love. And wait a minute, that was linen. But still, Jesus was saying this similar song about, and with a good positive message. And that message was always of love. Back when I went to church, and my uncle's still preacher to this day, Dr. Charles Pollard, still preaching to the American Indians out in Farmington, New Mexico for no money. You know, has 23 people about it every service and then he goes to jails and and he's 90 years old, you know, still working to this day. So, knocking it out for the Lord and he used to be the president of the Southern Baptist Convention [37:01] my uncle did. So that was a very powerful position. And then he fell out of favor with him because he just didn't believe in some of the doctrine. And then he started, he showed up in my grandmother's birthday party on a Harley with no shirt on. I'm like, oh no, Dr. Charlie's gone nuts. So he went down to Corbis I think it was, and he started this kind of gospel according to Charlie thing. And then he had just kind of a phase he went through. But now he still believes in that basic doctrine. And I love him to death. He's one of my favorite people. I'll talk to him all day long. You know, I just, he's a treasure. It really is. And just a sweetheart of a guy about all about, you know, love and sweetness. That's awesome. His wife died and I asked him, I said, did your knowledge of God and Jesus and did that help you with her death? And he goes, nope, [38:03] not a bit. It hurt it hurt, and I hated, and I didn't understand it. I was like everybody else, you know? Yeah. Didn't even help. So now, but that's just how honest it is. Wow. Uncle Charlie. I'm curious. Fascinating how much religions practiced by so many different people in so many different ways. And and yet if someone tried to start a new one right now Good fucking luck good luck the the the feds would investigate you right immediately If you started if you start your own religion if you bought some land out in Bastrop right and the Ron white church And you're already thinking about doing this aren't you just putting my name on? I know what you're doing. I'm not interested in any of those activities. I'm not either but if you did I would get on white church. You're already thinking about doing this, aren't you? You're just putting my name on it. No, no, no, no. I know what you're doing. I'm not interested in any of those activities. I'm not either. But if you did, I would get my uncle to come around it. You would 100% get investigated. Oh, yeah. But if you wanted to open up a Catholic church, if. With a mission and a respectable position to take, Ron. [39:06] Good for you. Congratulations on converting. Sorry to get new money. It is. Yeah, you can't start up. You can't have it be a start up in the religion world. I think they just originally found out. I think you've got to be a hook to a brand of sub-sort. You have to be in business with the big guys. You can, I mean, like, this is Scientology. You can get wild and go with them or, you know, Mormons. You can get wild, go with them. But if you just want to like go like straight Christian, you're like a very acceptable pathway. Yeah, and you, and I can get along with you. If you're Scientology, that one's really hard for me to swallow, but it's hard. It is just difficult. Let me ask you this, what are the standards? Say if you wanted to start a church. If you were legitimately committed to the Bible and you became a Bible scholar. But are you really done as right science fiction novels? No, no, no, no. That's the Scientology guy. [40:01] But I'm saying if you wanted to start a church like a church a Christian church What would be the requirements? If you just say you know, I've been studying the Bible for 10 years. I want to teach at a church. Could you just open up a church? How's that work? I don't you're you're asking me this like I've done it, but To get you to do it That's how you manipulate people Joe That's how they built his empire, by the way. You look like a Jesus type figure. What are the requirements, Jamie? If you wanted to start the church of Jamie. Perfect question for Chad G.P.T. F.O. So I asked Chad G your church. This includes your mission, vision, and core doctrine. Okay. Two, legal structure. Choose a legal structure for your church. Options may include becoming a non-profit organization, establishing a religious corporation, or forming a religious association. Consult legal experts to determine the best structure for your situation. [41:01] Name, okay? So it seems like you just have to like get a legal thing you know like you would like some sort of an LLC or something yeah whatever what do you want it you want you want is the tax exempt status and the rest of it doesn't really matter get that tax exempt status then you can start hoarding wealth yeah and the name of Jesus Christ of the latter day's saying for whatever and you can hold all these billions of dollars in real estate holdings all under that tax of the tax. If they start, you know the only thing that gets me going is big church, big church. We need to tax big church and those pastors and those mega churches, they need to be looked at under the biggest, brightest light you can look at Joe Holstein, fuck you, Holstein. I tried. He said it right here first. Now, the mattress makes a much better... To me, if you want an example of how Christ wanted us to live, it would be mattress max [42:00] and not Joe Holstein. I don't know who mattress max is. Well, he's the guy that bets 10 million bucks on the Astros every year and wins. This is how you got famous. That's Mattress Mattress right there. He, during the big floods in Houston to just a few years ago, when there are two things that happen. Mattress Max, people were literally dying in the street. Mattress Max owned these huge furniture stores. Come up here, you open them up, sleep on them couches, I don't care. And I'll find a way to make food for you guys. And I mean, people bringing hot dogs and shit down there, making everybody food, slept, just make sure you're comfortable, make sure you're safe. And look at it, this is it. Holy people over at Mattress, Max is furniture store. He brought in everybody he could. But Joe Olstein wouldn't even let him in the door because they just had the carpets redone. It is cathedral church. And he didn't want people cracking shit in there. Didn't he eventually give in though [43:00] and let people stay there? I don't think so. I thought he did. Well, if he did it for the wrong reason, right? As Mattias Max did that for the right reason. These people needed to get in out of the cold and wet and whatever. There he is. There he is. He defended not opening Lakewood Jackson Houston to Harvey victims. He defended it. Yeah. Yeah, because of that carpet was just cleaned and look at him. Bro, that's so crazy. Yeah. First of all, you can't see. It's so obvious. Like doing something that is so obvious. You have a private jet that's, it's so obvious. You have a mansion. It's so obvious. How much is that watch? This is so obvious. Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah. So obvious how much is that watch this is so obvious we're doing so obvious this is not eventually Wait, I do see even weeks after that post the super duper rich church guy I Could do it I could totally do it that would be my calling [44:04] that I could do it. I could totally do it. That would be my calling. That's what I'm saying. You should do it. And I mean, I should do it. Yes. Listen, if you do it, we'll all join. We all get to like tax free something. We'll work something out. Right. And it'll just be us. That's what we got. Great. Okay. We bring the 11 million people that listen to your show under. We'll get them under one umbrella. Come on, guys. I'm brother come on guys come on get behind this. We don't even know what it is yet But we're gonna let you know that's the thing you never do today like imagine trying to start a new country today Fuck you. We would never let you never never know with thumb you. Yeah, get the fuck out of here It's like just like you trying to start a new religion. Uh-uh Nope No, no new countries no new religions. We're not here. Religions have to be old as fuck, so they might be true. Right, or at least have some kind of connections to some really ancient text. Yeah, or the Scientology one, they just threatened to sue. That was a genius move. What they did was amazing. [45:02] They threatened thousands of lawsuits. everyone was going to file a lawsuit they're all lawyers the same with the fucking latter-day saints guys those are you got a bunch of lawyers gonna give it up to them and that's pretty ball yeah and you're selling a something that's not easy to sell you know know, they got that story. I mean, none of it is. You know, the stories I believe. Well, that's why I wrote that beautiful joke that didn't work the other day. And about the Christians and the lions and, uh, let me break that down for your listeners. Uh, because I'm writing, apparently I'm writing my worst stuff right now, because I'm not going to write stuff that nobody will laugh at out of 250 people, 250 people don't laugh. But when I was a kid I was raised in the Baptist Church, called Charlie, my preacher, when I was little. But there was a story book, wasn't the Bible, but it was just something we got in Sunday school or in depicted Christians being fed to the lines, which always stuck in my [46:03] craw that that was a big story, a big deal I mean, you know, I don't know we've all been oppressed but feeding them to the lines. That's pretty big deal And I really thought it was universal knowledge So when they were looking for a new name for the Washington commanders. I suggested the Christians Because when and and and I thought about this joke for three days And I thought about the buildup of laughter was gonna get get it was going to work so well And then we're going to end up changing the name of the comedy club to run white's mother ship because of this one joke and I Well it worked But the way that it was going to start the rumble was going to start as I was hit when when Detroit comes to town They're going to make the connections of Detroit lines lines Christians my story book from my childhood And that's what that's the rumble of the really hip laughter. And because when the lion's get back to the next lap was going to be, when the lion's meet the Christians on a pleavin plan field, where, you know, so none of it got a laugh, none of it, none of it worked. And they were stared at me and they were as a good crowd too. [47:01] They were waiting for the next funny thing that I said. And that was it. And I really was expecting it and it just i was never been so wrong about you think you are just old enough to where you're like over that curve where the Christians and the lions were more recent than they were yeah i just don't think everybody got that story but nobody gets that anymore no i didn't well obviously i got it yeah Christians and lions yeah i got that connection i don't think kids get you said you would have told me not to do it which was a lot because you would have told me to do it because you you want me to try new shit always wanted that i just i was joking around you don't know what it's all to not to do it no you would have told me that you would have been wrong but you told me a bomb before i ever found out about it. I did. And I said, I'm so bad at it. So laughably, I laughed so hard at how wrong I was. That's how little it's. That's how you fuck around, you know. Isn't that the truth? That's how you, I mean, bits are fascinating. They changed, they changed their structure like on stage. I could do five minutes now on why that joke didn't work. [48:01] Yep. didn't work. And that would be way more entertaining than the joke ever was. You know, show up Tuesday. Did I was watching a video today of this lion gone wrong situation in a circus? Whoo! Oh my God. These people, this lion attacked this dude and they're hitting it with a hose. I mean, this guy's getting fucked up by this lion. And they're spraying it with a hose to get it off. That's how they get it off with a water hose and he gets away and then a line gets him again and the line gets him again and their water hose didn't. They're beaming it. You got footage of this? Yeah there's footage of it. It looks like it's Russian. If you don't find a Jamie I don't have 99% sure I saved it on my phone because it's so fucked up But I'd have to go through it now would be some dead air Russian hose I forget who sent it to me You don't edit these things do you? The podcast yeah, no, I wanted to be like this right right right yeah, I want I like a little dead air This is it so something half always a circus thing Yeah, something happens this line just decides, e-fucking-duff. [49:08] I mean, this thing just jacks too. Well, that's what happened to, you know. See, they're spraying them with a hose to try to get them off. And this guy got fucked up. I mean, he got fucked up by those lines. That is so scary. They have a thing like that by you. Right. What are you doing in there? Are you fucking crazy? That's what it's called. Ziggfried and Roy. Ziggfried and Roy. Ziggfried and Roy. That happened in that room that I played at the garage. That was their room and that's where that old thing went down. Yeah, it dragged him off. Bit him by the neck and dragged him off. And from a live audience. This is all a speculation to why it did it. All the spec, no one knows. No one knows. It just decided I'm gonna bite this guy's neck and drag him off. There was a thought that it was afraid of some woman had feathers on her hat in the audience [50:01] and that it threw him off. I mean, if you really think that fucking tiger's is scared of a lady with feathers on her head? That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I think it just decided to bite that guy's neck. But I'm not a tiger. Maybe that guy would have been a, was being a prick. You know, under the guys who've been an animal lover but at night he was like going, don't give him that expensive food and and you know. Well maybe it was just like cheap. It was probably punishment. It's probably what they do to the tigers to get them to listen. Right. You know like what did they do when they were training them? You know, did they have a cross-align with the tigers? Remember the time you heard it and the lashes out at you. Yeah, I'm going to find a fucking opportunity to sit here. Yeah, you'd think the tigers on them. It's gonna be a surf cold. Maybe it's gonna be surf cold It seemed like for the most part they got along with those tigers for a long time though That's what they lived at their house, right? Yeah, yeah, the sick reading Roy They lived at their house they were at one with them. They fucking coddled them and yeah loved on them And they do say that tigers when they protect their cubs That's that's how they do it. They grab them by the neck and they dragged him off, but he's just too frail for it to do that too. It just fucked him up [51:06] Yeah, right. No, and that those were big men big strong man. Yeah, he was These guys were weight lifters and right but I'm saying but enough to compare to that You're not a cub a lion Oh, no, no, no, the way a lion picks up the cub. It has all the skins or grabs all that that extra you don't have any skin to scratch your fucking neck. Yeah, it's all vital organs. It's all right. Yeah. It was ashamed that he, you know, he lived a long time. It is a crippled person. Well, he did. He lived several years, right? It was just a horrible story, man. And the show was shut down. Because like like that's the reality of having tigers on a stage in front of a bunch of people like you just don't know It's just for one reason or another some crazy person could stand up and freak out and yell right and then think it just launch itself Is this it the question is don't you show it to me son of a bitch trying to fight it? [52:03] What could go wrong everything you got to ask yourself that question what could go wrong because that might At least it's waiting for saying something about his diminishing relationship with that lion This is so tired from four or five years ago. I was trying to see if it had An answer to all the questions you guys are asking, but it said something about his diminishing relationship with it Oh, I got he wrote it look a horse speculation on from someone they asked on this Yeah, like an ex-employee or something. I think I saw that Oh, so good going the tiger and him. We're not getting along. No, that's again It's his speculation. This is as new allegations about the attack which is This would have been like 15 years after the attack you happen dude almost nothing scares me more than animals Right just scared of them. That's why you go out of your way to kill them when you can. Well, those are not scared of those. Although, you should be. Bores? Don't you hunt boar? Yeah, I do. Yeah, those things can kill you, Joe. They definitely can. Yeah. [53:00] They can. I'm thinking of Elfmore. The board thing in Texas is fucking bananas. I just love it when they catch them all in them cages. And then what do they do? Can you eat them? Is it just pig meat, right? Yeah, it's just pork. It's really good. You make really good bacon and shit out of it. Well, why are there any homeless hungry people? If we got those wild boar all over the place. Wild boar are very good very good There's a guy in town the Jesse Griffiths. He owns a die-doe restaurant And he's like a real wild game cooking expert an amazing chef Yeah, and he has wild boar dishes at his but even teaches people at a hunt wild boars cook them and And how to hunt them down how to fire rifle the whole deal. Takes it all the whole thing. But your enemy, the shit them into their commotion. Fuck with me. He's like, they're delicious. Fuck with me. But it's also, it's not just a renewable resource, but you really, we have an obligation to kill them. There's too many. Yeah, they're fucking up land and... [54:01] Oh, there's millions and millions of them in Texas. They have babies three times a year sometimes? They can have babies when they're six months old? Can I tell you a story about a frog? I lived on the lake, like I'll be Jay in this house and there was a frog, a big bull frog. He was lived by my peer and I would go out there and I would see him and he'd always jump in the water. But that's where he lived. He was always a big ol' fat thing. That's this big, biggest bull frog I'd seen. And I'd go down there and fish and then I'd come back there. And then one night he didn't jump. He stayed there. And I'm like, oh, he's not afraid of me anymore. And the next night I brought a net down and I caught him and I killed him and ate him. And I shit him into my toilet. And the other frogs went out and told other frogs, don't go near there because that's what's going on. He's just waiting for you to be still. And he's gonna kill you and eat you and shit you into his toilet. And you were thinking that point. I think they did. I didn't see any more frogs after that. [55:02] After the missing of that one frog. Yeah, I bet if you started feeding them, they'd be hanging around, but if you start killing them. Yeah, right. They're probably, right, they're gonna, it's not gonna catch on. Do you think they do a roll call? I try to figure out where everybody is? Cause some animals do that. Do they really? Yeah, maybe that's what frogs are doing. They're, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick Making this big old loud noise and bugger shit out of me and you could either easy to catch You're the flash like because they don't know that you see them, you know, and they're making all that racket You just pick them up put them in a can and then we would take them this guy didn't like had a pond right behind It's a house and we'd go dump them all over there and he's like I don't frogs around here get fucking all over Make it all right. Yeah, I don't know not over over my house or not. Yeah, that's one of those little... [56:05] This is night music, Ron. Yeah, this is not the ones we had. We had ones where... BAH! We just need to put together a better band. Yeah. Well, they're gonna put that band together over that pond behind that guy's house. You know, the thing that... That's where they all live now. The thing about frogs. Like, they're very predatory. Like frogs, you ever seen frogs in like a cage with mice? It's one of the most disturbing things you'll ever seen in your life. No, I've never seen that. Giant Asian frog, I had it on my Instagram. It's on YouTube. This is giant, some kind of Asian frog. That one, the second one down. This, this watch this one this one is fucking insane this frog's insane So they put these little rats. I can't tell the nicer rats. Those are mice, right? Mike's Okay, so they put these mice in this fucking now those are rats man. Those are little rats [57:01] Yeah, those are rats And then they put this giant frog in there with them. And I don't know why they're trying to jump and get out and all of a sudden the frog just decided to start eating them. I think. I think they're trying to just try and get out. Well, look what he does. He's a monster. This is like a Star Wars monster. Oh my God. Oh, dude, he's a job of the hut. Yeah, exactly. He eats them all this one's not effective I've seen I think he's probably already full they probably look how fatty is they probably filmed these all day long Oh, how cruel but he's anybody the one that I saw he is He's trying to put a stop to this Nobody's putting a stop nobody cares about the ranch of the frogs Nobody's putting this up. Nobody cares about the rats or frogs rats or frogs getting no respect. We'll make that part of our religion. Isn't it funny though? Like if the for the rat was eating the frog I'd be more disturbed. Oh my God. Look at that gross that I guess. Yeah. Look at it. Look at how big it is- I've never seen a frog shape like that. Oh, look at it. [58:06] Slow motion. Yeah, come on over here. Yeah, let me tell you something. I've got a little story for you. It seemed like the rat rant right in there. Like fuck, let's get this over with. Oh my god, what a way to die. You're falling. Oh, yeah. It's hanging on the chin of a thing that's swallowing you. Look at those little balls. Oh, the last dying quiver. Oh, bro, he's gonna stay alive inside of things. Don't do that. Don't let your children watch this. This is really, really great. So disturbing. Yeah. I'm trying to unsee it and I can't do it. I can't do it. That's what happens. That's nature, man. That's part of the Joe Rogan experience right there. That's nature. That's why you should know. Oh, look. The crocodiles in the street. That's why you shouldn't import wolves into your neighborhood. That's right. That's why you shouldn't bring grizzly bears back to California. My mother. Slow down, everybody. My mother wants to, you know how low things got with mom now. I want a cat. No, mother, you can't have a cat. [59:07] Jeannie's allergic to cats. No, I want one of those bangle cats. They're a high-foward energetic for my mother and my nice 90 year old mother. And yeah, I think they're pretty good sized cats like 15, 20 pounds. And I'm like, no, she's a, I want you to get me a bangle cat from my 90th birthday. And I said, Mother, number one, I'm not advancing you anymore. Birthdays, you got to show me the number. You got to get to the number before you get your 90th. I'm not fronting you any 90th birthday. But I'm going to, you have to get to that number to get that present. Because you already got them, be 90, she might get a, wow, just a few months away. No, am I thinking of the same kind of cat? Like which ones are Bengals? It's a horrible idea. There's some of them that are basically like a wild cat. Yeah, well, they're not very many generations removed, I think, is the problem. [1:00:00] And I think they're perfectly good cats, but they're really big and they're really a lot of energy. I'm thinking of different, because you can take them out on a leash and stuff and mother doesn't want to do that. She, I'm like, take it out. A leash, what? Or something, a little lap dog. I think it might, am I fucking this up? Is it the same thing? Is it a bangle, the same thing as those other ones that, single kittens, you know, that's it right there. That's a regular, dangled cat. Okay. Yeah, so that's a regular cat. So I'm thinking of that. I'm thinking of a serval. Oh yeah, no. Okay, so what is a Bengal cat, just a cat, right? Is that just a cat? Yeah, but it comes from the Bengal tiger. And they're just a handful. It's not like a big ol' floppy lap cat. These cats, they're big time killers. They gotta be involved in stuff. They've got a lot of energy. They're big and strong. So they're up to like 15, 20 pounds, I think. Look at the description. The Bengal cat is domesticated cat breed, created from a hybrid of the Asian leopard cat [1:01:03] with domestic cats, especially the spotted Egyptian Mao. So that, there you go. I was in my head, I was like, I think I fucked up and it's the wrong one. That one is crazy. I've seen people have that one as a pet. There's a pet? Yeah, yeah. Did John Jones have one of those as a pet? That's a lion. Didn't he have a crazy cat? He's got one of those as a line didn't you have a crazy cat he's got one of these what is he up oh yeah look at what kind what kind is that that looks like that bingo cat yeah it does look more like that than the serval cat it says serval though doesn't it I typed that in I don't I was oh what kind of fucking cat is that no they have a jacket on yeah it's got like a fucking leash that's a big ass cat. Yeah, bro. I would not Donald careful don't Mother's mother's 90 that's not what she wants and she gets you get get so stubborn It could be off on a cat. It could be awesome It could be the greatest cat of all time or it could be it decides to fuck you up and we could eat her [1:02:01] Yeah, you know, she couldn't defend herself if it went nuts on her. Our story was earlier today in the episode. People getting eaten by tigers. First responders when they find bodies after people have died in a house with cats. It doesn't take long for the cats to eat. Then I'll give you a whole lot of time for the story. Oh mama. dogs away. They will. Yeah dogs are waiting until they're starving to death. They're dying. They don't even associate you with you anymore. You just meet and they have to stay alive. Right. Cats are like, I'm hungry. Yeah. We're gonna eat Ron's lips. Right. Can I ball nostril? It's a fascinating relationship that we have to these small animals, like I was saying about your beautiful dog, that you, if you trace the lineage back of that thing, that used to be a wolf. Somehow or another, they went from wolves to like more of a floppy ear to animal, to [1:03:01] more of an animal that was like smaller, and then they figured figured out how to break it all the way to a rug that shit That's what I own that's a rug that shit like how the fuck did they do that? So if you die in a home that's locked with animals those animals will eat you really fast especially a cat Dogs will hold out until they have nothing left to eat but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours Oh, I got a loyalty they got over all that love quick. That cat never loved you. Oh my god. They begin to eat your head in 24 hours. That cat never loved you. It was just, I need food. I'm gonna be nice. I don't have a corner on it. Waiting for you to fucking die. I can explain it to them. kind of fucked up should ever see? And he's like animals. Well, did you play that? Okay. Play that right where he's saying that, over and remove your head within 24 hours, it's right before the head. And back it up before that. Back it up for that. So if you die in a home that's locked with animals, those animals will eat you really fast, [1:04:00] especially a cat. Dogs will hold out until they have nothing left to eat, but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours And I'm not talking I'm talking literally hair on the floor no head and nibbling into their chest It even cats that were loved by their owners are they just cat? No, if you think we're had something with the owner And they're and they're gonna say this is my yeah, Yeah, no, they're absolutely feeding on you. I don't care how much you love that cat and that cat loves you, he's gonna eat you. And I just never imagined that they could do that much damage. It's smaller dogs. Now a lab won't, a lab's for some reason don't eat their owners, you know, unless they're locked in for months, I guess they would but I find it more weeny dogs small dogs and cats cats Cats don't they don't wait and how I don't know I don't know if I believe the guy now Why? Because I bet he has a lab so he had to say labs wouldn't eat you I mean what makes it a lab different than my sweet little Maddie [1:05:03] He's saying Maddie would go after you after a little while, but but the lab Come on Yeah, why would they think that the look maybe he means like Chihuahua's or something like that Like or a little Jack Russell Terriers. They'll fuck you up quick But like what is what's the the data on that the labs really? You don't off of his experience. I don't know. I was trying to. I don't know where he gets his expertise. Yeah. I'm not I'm not seeing this on NPR. This is coming on on my news feed. That's why I was also kind of making that point when I googled that and typed it in. It gives me like a TikTok fun fact. Like that's the fact that Google gave me which was a fact from Theo's podcast. That's like the top result. And when they're calling it a fact. I mean, well I do know for a fact that cats eat people. Yeah, that's what it makes sense. I mean, people eat people. I know people who have found people that where they got, you know, where they're cops, where they found people that were partially eaten by the cats. That's 100% real. That was a fun show. They did that show for the cops. [1:06:01] That was so much fun. That was awesome. Three cops got thrown out. That's right. They came to party folks. They came to have a good deal. They've got a party. That was a lot of fun. That was a good fucking time. Those people don't get appreciated enough. No, it's a truth. They don't get appreciated enough. And if things go south, they're going to be the first people you call and you've been disrespecting them for so long and not appreciating how hard it is what they do for so fucking long. And that doesn't excuse the bad ones. That's not. It's just, you can't lump everybody in with that same group. Because most of them are great. You gotta have these guys. You gotta have them. You have to have them. You have to have them. And then it ain't the greatest job in the goddamn world and it sure is dangerous. And some of them thrive on that kind of environment and that's great. I don't. And so I need, you know, and it was just, it was so cool to be able to make them laugh that hard because we had the death of that cop not too long ago. You know, that's been a pretty dowry place to work. [1:07:01] That's what the guy was telling me the chief of police was like this. You know they hadn't been laughing You know they haven't been that's really got everybody down and kept them down of course So that was cool. That was so much fun. Yeah, it was fun. It was real fun to do Yeah, it's it's you know, we should have started a church that night. We could have started We'd have plans to plant these seeds carefully and this is what we're doing today on the podcast we're planting seeds you can't just go out there and just dig a trench and the government starts getting involved quickly you know like slowly plant seeds based on a story of love yeah and mutual respect it would be great if we could buy into a franchise like Chick-fil-A. You know what I mean? Just buy into something. It's pre-existing. The challenge is going to be started from scratch. Yeah, just the church of Ron White just from scratch is going to be on their last career. No dude, it's a job for Joe Rogan Ron White Church. I ain't doing this by myself [1:08:04] man. But it's kind of funny. It really is kind of funny that if we did, just both of us become Christian and then open up a Christian, there's no problems at all. You know, I got like three million followers. I wonder how far they would actually follow. If I started leading, I mean. You don't even want three million. If you get 300,000 to move into a town that you've created the middle of desert right right I mean it's that Portland movie the the Netflix series while while country They they literally bought into a town and it wasn't that bad, you know That's what I think it was you that said that they always sound pretty good You know that it gets so hard you know I get Nobody can handle that kind of power. That's what it's like. That's what it's like. And that kind of focus of energy. Yeah, you're the guy here, the guy without corrupt. Well, it's just corrupt. They're literally bestowing the word of God and the meaning of life and the meaning of the universe [1:09:01] in front of their loyal following. Right, this guy's got 31 roles, Royces by the way yeah and uh and uh they're just happy when he gets another one he was funny though he was the funny one he was he was you know I would have listened for a while you know you ever hear that thing that famous thing that he said about uh democracy democracy But you remember it's by people but the people are retarded So it is He got this Saying that everyone's retarded right you got to see this this was the dude. This was the fucking dude Democracy, basically means... Government... ...by the people... [1:10:00] ...of the people... And he works slower than I do. That's... He does, but it's good. I'm listening. Yes, they are. Yes, they are. No, he goes on even further. This is a small version of it. He continues on. There's the government of the other targets. Oh, for the other targets. Yeah, he goes into this whole thing. And this is the guru that was running that town up there. That was the guy. And he was the guy with 31 Rolls Royces, right? Yeah, he was ballin' out of control. Yeah, he was ballin' out of control. He was going nuts. He probably would've pulled it off. It wasn't for Sheila. Yeah. She was so ruthless. Right. She's terrifying. She was the I was that in another town. Oh, they're the city. Yeah, not there. Yeah. No, they poisoned they poisoned like a salad bar or something Didn't they? I don't know. She do something like that. Oh, yeah, they blew something up. They did a bunch of shit They brought in homeless people for votes. I mean they they went wild. They went wild in the end They brought in homeless people in buses so that the homeless people become part of their community and they'd have more votes And then they took over the fucking town and then they're like audio's homeless fucks [1:11:09] Almost people out Of the of the returnage. I mean, that would do believes what he said. The highest possibility man can attain. He's just a blink for the first time. I was asked if he hasn't blinked. Wow. Yeah, he's probably the real deal. He's probably the real deal. We need to add Sheila behind him. [1:12:01] And she just got crazy and started killing folks. He's in too many roles. Royce is just to keep it out of the news. You know, you get a couple of them, man. You got 31. But if you're the real deal, if you really are a super guru and you want 30 roles, Royces, I think you can do it in that space. In the Christian space, I don't think. And they're doing it. They got Gulf Stream 650s. You can buy 30 Rolls Royces. I'm just saying it's harder to connect with the message. Cheaper, right. There's something about that dude. The way he's willing to talk. Like that guy O'Sho, his book is really brilliant. He, there's an audio version of one of his books that I got into. It's interesting man. His thoughts are very interesting. 93 cars. He had 93 cars. It's only 93 Ron. 93. He only had 93 cars. So he had a nice, he loved his Rolls Royce. He did. Yeah. But right, you know, if he's the guy, you want him to have everything. You know, if you believe he's the guy and you can be, this is what I believe. I think you can be both. I think you can be this crazy 93 rolls [1:13:06] Royce having fucking lunatic who lives in a castle that's made out of diamonds in the sky. You got money from your followers and also to be tuned into the real thing. To read the real energy of the universe. Thank you, Ken. I think you can. I think you can dance. I think that power corrupts absolutely for most people for most people. But if you're a real super guru, a like a hedonist super guru. Right. Because one of the things about a lot of those like like crazy super guru type characters like there's always some sexual aspect to it. It's always some sexual freedom and sexual expressing and and they fucking hook line and sink or believe in that. Right, like that guy that owned that building that you almost bought for no reason. Exactly. Exactly. The Broadway recommendation, the Broadway recommended that I buy a cult building and I listen to him. Yeah. See? It would have worked. It would have worked. [1:14:00] That was a cool building. Yeah, it would have worked. You would have made it work. That's for sure. We all supported it and it would have been fine. It wouldn't have been as good though. No, this turned out to be heaven. So we can't second guess anything that went down before it or after it or whatever. I feel like it lined up in the exact correct order. Like the universe opened up all the doors in the exact correct order. Like the universe opened up all the doors in the exact correct order. And like I feel like the failed experiment without other place or the frustration and having it not come together was a good, like a lesson, a good lesson in like how like real estate deals can go and how, you know, all the issues with property. Right, how careful you need to be. There's a lot of stuff going on when you're buying stuff. Yeah. And sometimes you got experience of failed deal and go, okay, that didn't work. Maybe this is better. And you were kind of impetuous, so you needed something to slow you down a little bit. Because you were going, you were going pretty nuts. With decision, I mean, I talked to you one day. You were thinking about moving to Austin. [1:15:05] And the next day you lived there, you had a house on the lake, you moved your studio, and I was like, God damn, this guy moves. I'm not interested in half-assing things. No, no, no, no. You move right along with it. That's what the fun part about it is. A change like that is a big deal. Well, if you really, if you look at it, and I'm pretty emotional about the mothership, but if you look at it, it was the only thing that could have got me where I am today. Nothing, no other vehicle would have worked because I wouldn't have been interested in it. I would have been interested in me being alone and isolating myself and all those things, but the mothership was that thing that was so delicious it in me being alone and isolating myself and all those things. But the mothership was that thing that was so delicious and so perfect for what I needed. At that point in my life, I think that the universe used you just to get me back out of this fucking hole that I was in. [1:16:01] You know where I was at? Yeah. I was in a shitty fucking place. And I needed, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know what to do with my emotions. I didn't know what to do with my, you know, a doubting everything about my talent and all this stuff. And, you know, so nothing else would have got me where I am today. And no other combination of things. There would have been an open mic night and webstered wherever that I would have gone to and within the interest at all and really started to fall back in love with the art of doing stand up and be able to do all those reps. You know that doesn't exist anywhere else. You know that's what happens at the mothership that you can go in there sharp in the fucking blade. You want to see what I'm doing in these crowds on the road I'm beating the fuck out of I'm having a blast except I still hate to travel but you know we're real lucky we're real lucky and like I said I feel like the universe opened up all the right doors at all the right time yeah yeah yeah and and put it all together in [1:17:01] this perfect way and we all benefit from having all of us here together, for sure. It's 100% benefits your act. 100% benefits your joke writing. In the amount of fun that you have in life. And how hard we laugh in that green room. Oh, and that's what I'm saying. The amount of fun you have in life, it's the most fun. And the best thing about the green room is how restrictive it is. You know that you just can't go in there. You know you're just not you got to earn that spot in the tree house. You know and so anytime you open the door you'll see you know some of the best comics alive sitting there talking about stand-up comedy and you know writing jokes and laughing and having a good time but you know that's our fucking little space man And it is the greatest thing on earth. The one of the worst things that happens in green rooms, what Ron's talking about is like, you'll be in a green room and a bunch of agents will walk in and start talking. Especially in LA, you used to happen all the time. They all wanted to go in the green room. So they'd go in the green room. And I've done shows before, like, at these big theaters, and there's people I don't even know how they are. Oh, hangin' around the green room. [1:18:07] I'm like, okay, I don't even know who you guys are. It doesn't happen so much anymore, but in the past. Oh, and I played big venues out near California. You guys, I didn't even know from APA, and I was CAA, or whoever the fuck I was with. And then people from my office that I didn't even know, they're all back there in the green room, you know, trying to get a little, trying to prove to me that they're earning some kind of fucking money, I'm sending them, or whatever, but that doesn't happen as a comedy mother ship. It's just us talking about, we had really nobody knows much more about the business of this than we do. That's all collective group. We feed off each other. Yeah. Yeah. It's like we 100% feed off each other. And this wasn't designed to be a commercial for the mother ship, but it sounds like one. Yeah, we're both super lucky. All of us are not just us in this room. [1:19:00] And they were all of us together that we're all in on this together, because that's what it is It's like we got a spot where we can all fuck around and we have a lot of other spots in Austin now because of that and Along with that right that basically that that makes the mothership a very proper name For that place for that club. Yeah, because everything else kind of feeds off of it You know that was the idea well there's a bunch of other names that I had for, but that was the idea. What I liked about that one is that we all do travel, and we're all stuck in this thing if you're a standup and you want to go on the road, you got to go places. But you still have a place to go back to where you can keep your skills without traveling. That's what doesn't exist anywhere else. Well, that's what made me realize what we were missing when we came here. When we first came here, we were at the Volcan. It was great, but it was a great place and love Nick and everybody that worked there, but it wasn't set up perfect. It was hard to get around. You had to go downstairs to get on stage. It was like, there's a lot of annoying shit about it. There was like kind of goofy the way it was set up. And it's a great room to perform in like the acoustics are fun. [1:20:09] It rattles, you know. But I was like, we need the setup to be correct. And if we get the setup completely correct, just do it absolutely the way a comic would want it to be done. Just do everything the way the comic, make it everything so as to like the fucking easiest ride ever for the comics They come in we go Yeah, it's just easy fun everybody's gonna have a good time. Let's go have fun Let's have fun and that's what we need it because we were on the road all the time when you're on the road all the time It's like you're in these places you're only gonna be there for a couple of nights You're doing your your standup with a couple of friends you came with and you go back home and then you wait until you go somewhere else again. Do you don't have a home base? Yeah. To touch in like Ron, why? That was Cincinnati. Right. No, no, no, no. Those Tuesdays and Wednesdays are the shit, man. They are. They're the shit for a while. Yeah. You know, when we were all supporting it at the same time. [1:21:06] And you know, the crowds were, you know, it was always packed because they knew they were going to get a show. They couldn't get any other time for any price. That show doesn't exist anywhere else. And the other night we did a show. And it was me and you and Shane Gillis and Jim Norton who's, that guy makes me laugh hard on anybody. The Ovarian came in, and he was in one night. At the comedy mothership, crowd didn't know. We don't even know. You don't even know who's all gonna show up on the night. But there's always room. If you're one of the big Kamaya Mayas, you know. There's always room for you. We always make room for you. There's always make room for you. And it's just fun. It's just a real fun environment. It's a real fun place to fuck around. You know, and now that we have that, it makes it easier for us. It makes it easy for you to do this tour you're doing, makes it for all of us. [1:22:01] It's just a place to keep your chops. You know, and it's all, and I don't care if you're doing short sets or long sets, you need to be doing sets because it keeps that familiarity with you in that audience and keeps that all secondary. It's something that you don't even think about. It's what you do with every God damn day and that's what you should do. And then it doesn't matter if you're on the stage for 15 minutes or an hour and 15 minutes. It's just that you got to get on stage and talk to those people and just so it's second nature to you. And if you don't do it for a while, it's not. You think about it. Right. We don't think about since before we walk on stage at the mothership. You know, it's just what we do all the time. So. But you remember what it was like when we took all those months off for COVID, then you did stand up. Fuck, I was horrible. I couldn't believe how bad I was. And I didn't even know. That was the big question is, for me was, I didn't know what I was so good at that made it special to watch. You know, I didn't, because I was just doing an impression of myself and I didn't have that confidence in all those things that come from [1:23:03] knowing what's gonna happen. I saw your first set back at the Vulcan you fucking kill fuck it was awful you fucking killed You're out of your mind you're out of your mind You got big laughs. I think it just didn't feel comfortable for you I think you didn't feel like you were killing because it didn't feel comfortable because you just haven't done it and so long I think that's all it is but But for the audience member, you kill. If you look at that set versus my 15 minutes that I'm doing now, it's where you were talking about the other night, that timing and all that stuff is back to sharp, you know, how I got here stuff, you know. And that's all growth that comes from fucking doing reps, you know, it's definitely, it's a gym. That's for sure. And if you work out, you see the results. And if you don't, you don't. I think it's just like golf. It's just like everything. Yeah, well, it's something I understand and I love. And so I, you know, so I appreciate it. And if you only played golf with idiots. [1:24:00] Right. You know, you never actually really learn to bleed golf. Yeah, and then you'd be going I'm so great, you know It's it's better to hang out with guys that can hit the ball first than you. Yeah, no, that's fine That's fine because you can still beat those guys You know if you're lucky if you're smart. Yeah, well that beat there's always in groups of guys It's always the one guy is the dominant golf player, right? Yeah Yeah, and that's that used to be me all the time. But now when I play it down, I've got these friends that, you know, that are fucking. Is that a reps thing? Is that just a reps thing? Or is there a certain characteristic that some people have that makes them like really good at golf? I think that some people are born with a, with an innate ability for athletics, you know, and some people aren't. And you can, you can try to get to that place all as hard as you want to, like John Dele, you know, he's a gifted athlete, you know, and he would, no matter what he had done, he would have been great at it. But he chose to do it with golf and his situation at home was real fucked up, abusive father, horrible shit, just horrible shit. I know a lot about him. I've spent a lot of nights [1:25:05] drinking with him. But he had these hands, man. And this ability to turn his back to his target and just keep going and it generated literally no one had ever seen anybody do what John Daly did when he first started hitting when he first came on the scene. The other pros were going out to the driving wearing, he's going to watch this. And he's hitting the ball 75 yards past everybody and hitting the middle of the fairway with it. But he was so self-destructive that he could manage it to some point. I don't know. And John didn't know either. I'm sure. But we won two majors, which most people that play professional golf will never win one and never win a tournament. That most people that have a car to play on the PGA tour never win on the PGA tour. So he didn't do earth shattering stuff like Tiger did [1:26:01] as far as the numbers go. But he just had that natural ability and his son is just like him, which is kind of a weird thing, because that father-son thing didn't mesh up. And then who knows if it ultimately will, but his son's got a pocket full of money, bet with everybody there, he's about 16. You know, he's in college now, so he's quite a player, and he's got his dad's back swing player and he's got his dance backswing and you know, it's damn. So it's genetic. Well, some of it's some of it's got to be, you know, and then man, I would imagine there he is right there. I would imagine that too. I would go with it. There's fucking belts. That he'd they won the father time. Nice. So I turn them and they beat Tiger in his kid bro. How great with John Dele's pants yeah those pants those are so classic yep and you can uh skulls all over him and green alligator shoes he's one of a kind that's for sure one of a kind one of a kind what how many did I say he drinks a day? hey well he drinks a poor he just drinks so much, but he drinks diet coaks in chocolate milk and he doesn't really eat it [1:27:06] And then he drinks vodka by the galobal and Chocolate milk if you go because we look at him we've stayed in the same house with him before and he's also oddly enough He's a neat freak. He gets up in the morning and he'll make breakfast for everybody That's in the you know the golf fucking complex there like four four rooms or whatever He's up in the morning vacuum and she's trying to stuff it up Not even his job to do it and but he's a neat freak and he loves to cook for people and in the night He'll sing songs and play guitar until you're so bored with it. You can't stand yourself and you know But it's a hoot. it's a show. But in the refrigerator, gallons of milk and a chocolate Hershey's chocolate squirt bottle, he makes it up himself. And then... Six mixes on chocolate and he stirs in. And then die coaks. Oh my God. And then cigarettes, one after another. What did that pull that back up, Jamie? [1:28:00] With the statistics that you were showing, the statistics you were just showing about how many cigarettes and diecokes he drank in one game. This is a daily diet, I don't know about that one. Yeah, but that one image that you had on the other page, there was a, you had, there it is. John Daly smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of coke and no water at a PGA tour of it. John Daly once smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of Coke and no water at a PGA Tour of it John Dele once smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of Coke at a Tour event with no water the controversial golfers knowing among fans for a somewhat different style Today's fitness obsessed stars. So if you drink 12 Coca-Cola's though Yeah, you do have to think like that is a lot of energy and a lot of sugar Yeah, and this guy doesn't practice 12 Coca-Cola's though. You do have to think, like that is a lot of energy and a lot of sugar. Yeah, and this guy doesn't practice ever at golf. He doesn't heal. No, he'll go out there and he'll hit sand wedges and he'll hit maybe four of them and it goes straight to the tee box. Whether he's playing a professional tour event [1:29:01] or playing with a guy, and he tells me, you just hit some sand sandwich. You gotta hit that side. If you can hit that solid, you can hit them all solid. Just do that. There's no sense working your way through a bag and spending all goddamn day. Just because you're trying to get loose, not better. We're playing, right? You don't have time to get better. You just got time to get loose. Get loose with one club. But that's just how much ability he's got. Most of these guys, they take this shit serious. Every goddamn day of their life hours and hours and hours of day go into nothing but preparing. He spends no time at all. And he doesn't win very much. But he makes a lot of noise and he lives the life the way he wants to. And he's so unapologetic and And he's kind of a hero because of it. He is yeah, yeah, he's totally a hero and he should be he is a living legend of Athletic fucking superior There is hooters there's his endorsement right there [1:30:01] He's a lot of suitors. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, after years and years, I'd go to the Masters and I'd park my bus right next to his bus at the Hooters in hilarious and go down and watch the game and he would make a fortune because people go to that tournament to see golf, right? But those guys aren't available. You know, they don't stick around signing autographs and do shit like that John does So he's got a merch tent set up at the hooters and he'll do $400,000 worth of business in a week She's just sitting there signing stuff flags whatever taking pictures He hustles that parking lot and does it every year. He's always out there He'll you know, he's nice anyway and he likes fans and he'll talk to you about anything anybody and you know if he's in a good mood if he's in a shitty mood maybe not but he still gets it you know and because he didn't he gambles a lot so he never has I don't think I ever had a big surplus of money it's some big deals from Calloway, but I think he's playing slot machines, a thousand [1:31:07] bucks of pool all the time. So he's always had the hustle on the side. But he gets it done. Now he's got a vodka drink, the owner of Palmer, except it's got booze in it's called John Daily selling shit out of it. Yeah, what is the John Dealer? What's the mixture? Honor Palmers lemonade and iced tea, right? I think then you had some vodka. I wouldn't imagine it. Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, vodka. Fuck yeah. Yeah, him and I, you know, I quit drinking. You know, that about three years ago. And kid rock hangs out there all the time. They're really good buddies and he plays golf. It's just not a great golf course either. It's just one we all go to and you know it's got good greens and we have fun time out there and they'll be banging on the door of my bus. We're going to the Teddy bar. Come with a block two. What part of it? I don't drink anymore. Do you not understand? I'm not going to [1:32:01] the Teddy bar with you and kid rock and what you got. Jack was strippers till dawn and. A little areas. So now they don't talk to me much and uh, those fucking guys when they sober up, the party's all gone. Right. That's right. Yeah. I read something the other day said if you quit drinking, that does not automatically make you know fun. That's a separate decision you have to make. That's very well put. Yeah, right. Very well put. I know a lot of comics that stop drinking like David Tell I think is the best example of a guy who stopped drinking and just got way better. Like he was always hilarious. He was always an amazing comic. He's always been fun. But I think it was just taking a toll on his body. And then when he quit, it's like all of a sudden he had energy again. He was writing a shit ton of great material. I think he's at like his highest level ever now and he hasn't drank in a long time. Yeah, long years and years. And but you know, he was out of control though. [1:33:05] I mean, he was a little bit. Yeah. We had that show. Insomnia. Yeah, that was true. I mean, that's what he would do every night. I worked with him. I ended up doing a bunch. I went to the Montreal Comedy Festival. And we didn't know each other. We were doing a bunch of shows at the dirty show or whatever it was. Oh yeah, yeah. There were like 12 shows in a week and so we met, that's back when he drank and I drank and so we were fast friends and I thought he was funny as fuck. I had never seen any of it. I just fucking loved to tell. He's so much fun to hang out with. He's one of the best of all time. But he would come through town and boy after the show he's gone you know he goes into a dark another world of you know whatever's going on down there he finds it and you know so but he didn't do anything I mean he quit everything he got sober when when people go out you could get fucked up I'm like yeah you heard it wrong you know you heard it there's more than one way to skin a cat is the way I [1:34:05] the way I look at it. I think the way you're skinning it right now is the best way. Fuck yeah, I think so. It's the best way. It makes for the most fun. I don't, you know, I feel really good about all the decisions I made to get me where I am right this minute, you know, as far as liquor most fun. The situation we're in right now is it makes for the most fun. If they would just hurry up and decriminalize mushrooms, things along those lines. Because then we'd start doing mushrooms. But as long as they're against the law, we don't do it. Exactly. We're against it. That's what I'm saying. We put a stop to it. In fact, we're part of the mechanism. The magic is the only thing that can really get us out of this, but we're all so dismissive of it. Sounds loony tunes, right? But if you could give mushrooms to every living human being on this planet all in one day, we could sort a lot of shit out. That's what Hicks said. It was our accelerator pad to our evolution, you know. Well, he was a big Terrence McKennana fan and he quoted Terence McKenna in his act and Terence McKenna was the guy who came up with that theory that the reason why human beings evolved [1:35:09] is from mushrooms. Oh, okay. It's called the stone-daped theory. It's a crazy theory. What is pharaoh scientists recommending easing restrictions? I marijuana. Oh, I did see that. Yeah. They want to make it a schedule three. So that's some medicinal uses. Shrooms or weed? Oh, weed first. That's weed first. Oh. It'll never gonna give it to you all at once. It's just two revolutionaries. Well, Texas, you know, we still don't even have mercy. We, you know, we can't get... You can't get weed if you have cancer if you're dying of cancer. I don't think so. Not in Texas. There's like 0.3%. You could get if you're dying next week or something. Right, which is kind of weird because, you know, nothing, you know, I mean, you would buy the edibles that you can buy or THC edibles. And they, but they got that that law passed because they didn't understand the law because they were going by weight of something [1:36:01] and but they didn't realize that they're saying, okay, these gummies are 14%. So they're trying to fight it now, but right now it's legal to buy that. But then something that's just like pot, like one milligram or whatever off, they sell that. Delta nine, I don't smoke it because it's classified as marijuana, and I would never do anything of that. Get for you. The illegal. Well, I witnessed Brian Simpson take a few of those gummies Yeah, right and they were supposed to be very mild and he was very upset at how fucked up It's very upset. It's this is outrageous. He was shocked Believe it was salt's wake anybody up out of that. I've never tried. Oh, that's a good question That's a solid question Jamie He said it's smelling salts weak someone up out of like a weak... Of stupor. Yeah, it will because I'm used to this one that are on the table in the green room. Yeah, you ever get too stoned to do a set and then you just pick up one of those salts and just jerky right out of it for a minute. You've only taken the ones that we have at the mothership, then. Right? Right? [1:37:05] You've never had the smelling salts here. No. Oh, this is significantly stronger. Here at the... Right, the stuff that we have here in the studio versus the stuff that we have in the green room. The stuff we have in the green room is kind of old. So when you open it, you really got to get your nose in there. Oh, that feels good. And really Dig in this motherfucker will knock your dick into the dirt This is what makes you think I want my not I wouldn't say you do It's worth experiencing because it's so potent. Well, it's shocking You got a fresh so for I think fresh ones. Well, let me see how bad what's do we have these in any sort of logical? All right, let me grab one I'll see what we got I'm sure that's definitely gonna do the job. All right. We'll see what's up He's got frogs in here. See what's up. Here we go You'll know which one's stronger right away [1:38:03] Oh, that's probably pretty good though. Oh, that works. Oh. This one's fairly legit. Okay. Yeah, I'm not gonna do it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Great now I don't know if that would help that's what I'm talking about I don't like when people talk shit about how easy smelling so Michael you never had real smells. I've never been this awake in my life That's what I'm saying. I'm talking about oh man. I'm gonna do one of my other side I'm gonna do the juju move food right am I saying it right? Shout out to him creating the greatest smelling salt in the history of the world. He's you going for a second? Yeah, oh my god. You fucking hell you got it in one side [1:39:02] I really got it in one side. I got it in one side. I only went up one side if I had to get that in the middle of the show. Man, I was... I was worried you were gonna get mad leaving the show. That was like math. That's very potent. That's what it feels like going down. Well this guy who created this is like this crazy power lift to do. But there's no after effect of it, is there? No. I don't think you should do it too often. I just did it once every 10 seconds. It's not making me any smarter. Yeah, okay. All right. Well, I don't have any, I don't have anywhere to go, but fucking up. All of us have nowhere to go but up. That's what AI is all about. But I think it's probably not good to do, that's that guy, he created it it look at the body on that son of a bitch look at the cut crazy shit He can do full splits in between chairs while holding up looks like Josh blue. Yeah No, not in that picture. I mean dude's a crazy athlete like that is that is absolutely ridiculous strength to be able to do that and that's preposterous [1:40:01] So so they a lot of those power after dudes they take a big class to the ship before they lift. Okay, I want to say I want to look like that, but I'm 67 right? Yeah. How many hours a day would I have to dedicate of my life? No bullshit. I mean of course I could never get to that. you can get to that but no bullshit you could change Your entire body With weightlifting and steroids in a year We would get you to a Russian scientist and they'd hook you up with the latest fucking greatest top shelf Like if we got a project like did you ever see that documentary Icarus? It's a great Icarus. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, it's a Brian Foggles. It says Brian Foggles. Why did I freeze there for Brian who also did dissident, which is another amazing documentary, but Brian did this race. [1:41:02] He did it completely clean. And then he was going to this russian doping guy to tell him what to take and then he was gonna do the same race the next year juiced up he was doing it for a documentary show what the difference is he's not competitive like he could win right he's a very good cyclist though so in the middle of this process of going through this thing with this russian guy right it comes out that the Russians cheated in the Sochi Olympics. And so when they cheated in the Olympics, they used piss that was like fake piss. They like smuggled piss through a hole in the wall. And this guy was a part of the whole program and he's in this documentary. And these were all this is all happening. Are you a cyclist? No. He's a cyclist. He gets doped up for this documentary. Right. This is what he's doing. And so in getting doped up with steroids and EPO, he's talking to this guy who's the head of this Russian anti-doping agency. He's really just, they're just Russian doping. I mean, so they just, everyone's doped. Right. him everything. He spills the beans on the whole program and now the guys in like the fucking witness protection plan. They've got them really shut all around the country [1:42:09] to keep him alive. They want Russia wants him dead. This fucking guy spills the, they juiced the whole Olympic team. And this guy, Brian got very lucky and caught it in the middle of it happening. So it's just dumb luck that the Russians get busted for doping while he's doing a documentary on doping with the guy who did the fucking doping. And he didn't have anything to do with them getting exposed. No, not at all. It was, what happened was they used these jars that were supposed to be impregnable, right? So there's this jars, you would urinate into the jar, and then once they had your sample, it would be sealed in a way that no one could open. Well, they found these micro scratches, they're all over the inside of these supposedly sealed jars that led them to believe that someone had figured out a way to hack into that and open these things. And they realized that the Russians had figured out a way with a new piece of equipment. They engineered, they got their own bottles, and they got the engineer a tool [1:43:05] that would allow them to open it up, and then they would put it back on. So they would go and they would take the piss out, and they would bring it in with a new bottle, and the new bottle was filled with clean piss. And so there's literally, they had a hole in the wall. Literally had a hole in the wall where they were swiping out the clean piss for the dirty piss Look at this the official urine sample room hole in storage space and in the storage spaces where they had all the clean urine And they got busted while this guy was doing it. So if we got that guy that Russian right to turn you and we'll fucking stud Yeah, just we need about 16 months need about 16, but do we really need to run wide? It's all amped up on that. We don't need that. No. We don't need that. But if you ever want to go that way. No. You don't need that. But just like, you know, you don't need to play golf. Yeah. Well, I've the one that asked the question. No, no, no. It I mean, you're not obese. You're fit because you walk around a lot. You're doing a lot of golf. [1:44:05] You're playing a sport all the time. So you're active. I stretch for that game. So I'm pretty, I'm pretty limber for, you know, 67-year-old. That game looks like it would really benefit from like rotational work. Yeah. Do you do, like, you ever do with a trainer, or do you do like cables? No, you know what I do everything I do in my golf swing right now I do to avoid two tears. I've gotten my shoulders and But for the most part it doesn't hurt to make that root as long because everything stays connected It's what I do like this that That they really hurt have you ever done stem cells? Yeah, well with the same guys that with the waist a well folks Yeah, and it's better than it was because before, I couldn't do that at all. And now I can. And it doesn't really hurt that bad. But before, if I got into there and just pushed it back a little bit, it not only hurt, it hurt when I quit doing it. And still, it's not exactly right. [1:45:02] It's not exactly right. I have a plan that can help you tremendously that I use for my shoulders. I have no affiliation with this company. It's called Cross Over Simistry. I bought it, I bought it online, I think I bought it on Amazon. I had one at home and one at the gym. It's a bunch of different cords that attach to posts and they have these cables. And some of them are like 10 pounds, some of them are 15 pounds, some are 25 pounds. And they give you a plaque and the plaque has a series of different exercises for your shoulders, all for shoulder strength. It makes a giant difference, a giant difference. So you use these cables and it's not hard work. You're not like lifting heavy weight or anything like this. This is like rehabilitation and strength. Right. So you're on the last ones, you are getting like a good pump, but it's very controlled, it's very controllable, and in the process, you're strengthening your shoulders. You're strengthening all the things that are not that strong, which is why you're probably getting injured in the first place, unless it's some sort of a catastrophic situation. [1:46:04] For the most part, people get injured because their shoulders just aren't in good condition. Now, I fell when I was young off a cliff into a pool who was 78 feet, Hamilton's pool, right over here in Austin, Texas, and I landed not like you should land. Okay, so it was catastrophic. And everything was sprained both wrist and my shoulders, but I never had it looked at. It was just bad for a long time. That I had it just a few years ago, and Beverly Hills, I had them do a cast can or whatever the fun part. All right, all right. Would they say? They said you got tears in both of them. There, that's where I fell right here. It was 78 feet. Oh my God. And it was, I was standing at the top where people were jumping off and I was really drunk and And I didn't really jump off. I kind of tripped and stumbled and then just went oh well I'm going with it and fell off and And I just landed like I was sitting down with my arms kind of back and it was just a Deep as well. Well, I turned out I wasn't very deep into it. It's pretty deep pool But I don't even know but I was this far underwater because that's how flat I landed. I didn't even go underwater and [1:47:08] So no, that must have sucked. I would knock the breath out of me and people were like, are you okay? I'm like At which they they took that to me. I'm fine. Yeah, don't do a thing Well, even if you have damaged your shoulders that shoulders strengthening program will help you. If you retain range of motion because you're doing it kind of slowly and if you just stay persistent with it and consistent and just do it every day and if you're doing it every day you're not even doing it like that hard. It's not like a thing where you're like killing yourself but you're doing like eyes, eyes and teeth with like little dumbbells do things like like that. And do just do like easy things at strength and you're told you'd be amazed at how much more shoulder mobility and strength you'd have. If you just strengthen all the connective stuff. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure that doing anything would be more than I'm doing now, [1:48:00] which is absolutely nothing. Yeah, can I fucking train or run Ron? Get some, you know what, I tried to get, I used to have, that's a young lady that's gonna crack you into shape. You used to have my yoga instructor come over my house every day or five days a week and she was beautiful and smart and funny and she was great and I was basically a yoga nap. It was so easy breathing and, you know, with smiles and she was all mystical and she and I like it and but my girlfriend was like yeah yeah that thank you good calling her part right yeah she was all over me she's never wrong she's got this intuition that she's never been wrong yeah they don't want that around your man that's the mehoga freaks yeah there's a little bit more in tune to sexuality in a room. It's 94 degrees and they're all sweating on top of each other. Yeah. It has a lasting impression up in the air. I mean, every is a little bit more free after a yoga class. But it was still good for me. It was a good way to start the day. [1:49:02] Oh, yeah. That's a great way to start. I used to love doing it that way when I lived in California. I used to do the Beakroom style. They changed the name after he got busted a bunch of times. It was Beakrooms when I first started. And it was that series of poses, which I think he just popularized. I don't believe any of them. I don't even know if he put them in that order if they were already in that order that people doing But whatever it is that order forget what you think about him is gross as that guy is that that guy is he's very funny He wasn't always people who tell one million dollars for one drop of my sperm You ever see him say that? Yeah, you ever see him say that? Million dollars for it. Yeah, yeah, I Say that? You ever see him say that? A million dollars for a j... Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, he's just psychopath. Yeah. Wild man. But that guy, um... That's why you really can't start fucking your followers. Yeah. Because it's just gonna... He's seen... Even though it seems like a good idea at the time. But yeah, he was getting a lot of these a cult leader. I mean, I think it's just like any other cult even though it does provide the benefit of the yoga [1:50:07] So the thing is like whatever it is like is he take him out of the equation because it's not they're not his exercises And I don't think they're his order. Can you find out if that's the truth? He put it in that order if he invented the order But whatever it is if you just follow those exercises in that order, it's awesome. And you do it every day. And there's no variation. I love variation in yoga class. I love to be able to go into yoga class and doing different stuff. It's fun. But I also love going to this class where it's a 90 minute class and there's a specific number of movements and you know what they are because you've done this over and over and over and over again. It's a fucking challenge and you're all in there cutting it out together. Like that's a real human struggle. I know it sounds like, period was nothing like that. This was a guy, I'm on a little thing stretching my back while I'm laying there breathing in some incense. That's good too. [1:51:01] But doing some breath work. Listen, that's good too. Just breathing and no grunting. Well, with the 90 minute one, you gotta be hydrated. You gotta be prepared for that. You gotta get some electrolytes in your system. Yeah, I went through a hot yoga one time and I literally threw up in a parking lot. I was in there, it made me sick and I'd eat and whatever I guess you should eat. I think they do it at 104. I think it's 104 degrees. Here, from you, also falls as sequence of 26 postures. Students have perfected the ability and circulation through this sequence with the high temperatures allow them to enter each pose, posture more easily. The poses were chosen from chud hurry, from classic hot poses designed to systematically move fresh oxygenated blood to 100% of your body to each organ and fiber. So it was him. He came up with this sequence. I think he hacked it, right? I think he hacked it. I'm not finding it necessary. Because he made a budget claims about winning yoga tournaments in this country and they're [1:52:01] like we don't have yoga tournaments in this country. So it's a yoga kumatay that we in the woods, the yoga to death. Okay, hot yoga studio practice, different types of yoga, most of you is try to keep their hot yoga classes. Anywhere from a balmy 75 degrees, to a steamy 95 degrees elevated temperature, hope I think they do one or four. Yeah, okay. I'll explain this. Here it goes. Since we practice beacom yoga our goal is to replicate the environment found in Southern India. Our yoga teacher set the thermostats from 103 to 108 degrees. Let's go. No, that's hot yoga. That's what Tony does, right? Does that every week? Yeah. To beat Floyd music. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's he says it's a really good class. But he loves doing that hot yoga. It keeps Tony normal. It helps him with his evil brain. Yeah, his evil brain is a touch of the divine. Yeah, he needs to be connected. I love him to death. He's the best. He's sold out the fucking Madison Square Garden. He sold two hours. Two Madison Square Gardens. They're killing the game. They deserve everything they're getting [1:53:01] in the fantastic show. And that just, when he came up with that idea, that didn't sound like a good idea to anybody. I don't think, you know, that we're going to get guys that suck for sure and they're going to do a minute and we're going to make fun of them or whatever, try to help them or, you know, but, but it's such an engaging, amazingly great idea. Well, you know what it is? it's an idea that was developed entirely by Tony and Red Band together over years. So Tony comes up with the idea he partners together with Red Band they figure out how to do this slowly over years. So they're doing it in the belly room of the comedy store in front of like 50 fucking people there's's no one there in the beginning. They're doing it from that to selling out mass square garden in three hours in like 10 years. Right. Which is, but. Yeah, you can question it all you want to, but if you leave a great comic alone and let him come up with his own thing and figure out no one's better at hosting a show than that guy. [1:54:01] Oh, nobody. He's the one. Because he's into wrestling. So everything he announces, it's hard to follow the fucking credits that he gives you. When he brings you on stage in that thing, if you're one of his regulars, you know, you think this guy sold out three nights, it's fucking mad as a square guard. And you got to go follow that intro. But nobody could do it. And nobody else could do it, but him. He's so quick. He's so quick with like roast lines. Like when him and David Lucas go at it, I swear, I don't think I ever laugh harder in life. When him and David, there's some videos of him and David Lucas going out of world. I'm red like a grape and I can't breathe because I haven't taken into breath in 30 seconds. I'm just breathe because I haven't taken into breath in 30 seconds. I'm just laughing. I'm just dying. They're so good at going back and forth with each other. They're so good. There's a shit ton of videos. We don't have to play any of them. But if people are interested in the shit ton of videos online of Tony and David Lucas, they're like, I've been telling these fucking dudes since the beginning of time, [1:55:00] not like Tony needs anything else now. time, not like Tony needs anything else now. Right. If you wanted to do another podcast, the podcast is him and David Lucas just talking shit and reading the news. I'm like, you two get together and just talk shit about the news and start ragging on each other. It would be immensely popular. Right. immensely popular. Those two dudes have magic together. There's something about those two characters when they get together and start talking shit to each other. They're both laughing when they get each other. There's no hard feelings at all. Right, none, none at all, none at all. When Tony gets David Hard, David is the hardest lapper in the room. He's laughing harder than anybody, and he's enjoying it. He doesn't feel bad at all, not even a smidgen, and neither does Tony. When Tony, when David gets Tony, Tony goes, you son of a bitch. Yeah, you son of a bitch. You got me, it's son of a bitch. You start talking about his balls, but you know. You son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. It's just, they have so much fun. It's amazing because it's just such a well-oiled machine. It's been running so smooth for so long and then the New Year shows just took them to a totally different level [1:56:07] You know having jelly roll come out there and saying to open up the show What the fuck man? Yeah, what the fuck everybody wants to participate, you know, oh my god. It's so special It's fucking awesome and it's I tell everybody. It's the cornerstone of stand-up comedy in Austin. It's the cornerstone because it's a place where people can get their first time ever on stage and you could do it in front of a million fucking people. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I was pretty nervous and it was like 85 people. And uh. Yeah, but it's okay. Do you want to do this or not? Right. You know what? It's not you. But you know what I'm saying, most amazing thing. People coming up. Because it does send a net out there to find talented people that they might not have seen that avenue to get to where we are another way. But their fans of that, they're like, I could do that. And then they do what it takes to get in it and also it encourages the spread of other rooms around town [1:57:07] You got enough talent that they get together and then a guy says hey, I have a room Do you guys want to book a room? Do you want to and then you always get that from the More industrious of the comics. They'll like figure out a bar over here Tuesday night comedy night And so the amount of work that folks can get around here is crazy right now. You know what I used to do? I used to go to hotels that had a restaurant in them and I'd have set up a comedy competition where you won $25 and a meal for two people and then I would only invite comics I knew I could beat because I wanted that money. I needed it 25 bucks and that free dinner for two me and Lori Marshall's mom would go down there just happy as we could be, or free food. I want another one, you know. I'm John Mcdonnelly. Well, yeah, I couldn't get hold of him. That's smart. Oh yeah. What a great way to- [1:58:01] A little stage time. Nice. That's a good scam. Free food. That's a sourdiskam. Yeah. Yeah, when I lived in Boston, we were real lucky. There were so many road gigs. There were so many gigs you could do on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. You could almost work seven days a week if you knew enough booking agents. And you were willing to drive. You had a reliable car. Hampshire one night next night you're in Bill Ricka next night you're in Rhode Island like you're moving around Well, you know what I did was which was pretty smart And I never accused myself of being smart very often, but but I noticed that that really your master of ceremonies You're not the opening act You know, your biggest job as the opener was to be the MC You know, and so if you did a written I noticed everybody's doing a really shitty job. They had a crinkled up notes in their pocket next week, it's a thing. And I was like, and I'm like, I'm gonna get good at that, you know, and my act too, but I'm gonna do a really good job. I'm gonna study the notes, I'm gonna know them, I'm gonna make it look like a show, you know, I'm gonna do a better job at being a host than those guys are. And then I had, there were four clubs in the Dallas area. [1:59:08] I worked one of them once a month as the opening act. So I worked every goddamn nine shows a week. And, but you know why? Because I was a better fucking host now. Because I was funnier. I was just, I made it look like showbiz. That's nice. Like a slick fucking deal. Yeah. That's what Tony does. He makes it look like a fucking, the right kind of package, you know, it's done the right way. It's also wild, too. That shows wild. Some of the shit they say is so wild. It's so, they so go for it. Well, that's why, you know, that's what I love about it, because you don't know. No, that decade stack folks, let me tell you something. I tried to stack it one time because my banker wanted to do stand up and I thought I could just slide him in. They were like, no, fuck away. They do those come out of a hat. We don't know who they are. It's the only thing. And you guys explain to me and I'm like, of course that's right. Yeah, of course that's right. Biblical law. Yeah. You have to just really reach in there and really get a piece otherwise you're lying about the whole thing right right and I'm telling you folks [2:00:06] I tried yeah, and and I was shot down no, it's it's a it's a show crackles it crackles I had to go back to my bank or go yeah, I can't do anything really to help you as a Larry's your banker Yeah, it's gonna give you an interest rate decrease. I'm sure he's hilarious The world's missing out on something big. Maybe fun to watch about. But you know what, the thing is, you can come up there and with a recommendation from me, you can do three minutes on Monday night. Sure, you do know the mic night. Yeah, over the mic night. So that's what he did. Well, that's a great way to start. That's how you want to start. be a hard place to start. And it's especially if you know it's a million fucking people. But also like amazing thing to document if that really was the first time. And you actually wound up right on from there and having a career. Yeah, and you'd have you'd have good footage of it. Yeah, I mean look, it can be done. It can be done. If you're funny, there's just people out there that are you, we all know people that are so funny, that for whatever reason, never decided to stand up. For me, it was my boss. [2:01:06] I was working for a private investigator at one point in time. And he lost his license drinking driving and he put it in ad for a private investigator's assistant. It was really just someone to drive him around because he didn't have a license. And so I was looking for unconventional ways to make money while I was doing martial arts. So that was what I decided to do. I started working for this guy when I was doing stand-up comedy. I just started. I was just like one open mic, two open mics in like I just started and I met this dude. And he was absolutely the funniest dude I had ever met in my life. I couldn't believe how funny he was. Right. Funnier than any of the comedians of the clubs. Totally natural laughing about everything and the guy fucking went cold turkey no AA no programs No nothing crashes car ran from the cops got busted and is like you know what I'm fucking done I'm fucking done this guy was a character man. He was a fucking character So the name is Dave Dolan. He used to call himself dynamite dickless Dave Dolan [2:02:03] He's what funniest fucking human man drove him don't know if you just drove him around. He drove him around for months. Cause I forget how long he lost his license for. I don't know what it is. You know, when your license gets suspended for DUI, but he lost for quite a amount of time. And during that time, I was making my transition to stand up because I was in the middle of both worlds and it was while I was working for him I was playing pool at all no, I wasn't playing pool at all. I didn't start playing pool until I hurt my knee I mean I played a couple of times here and there with friends But I wasn't like really into it until I tore my ACL You know if you have an ACL injury it has has to be diagnosed, then you have to schedule an appointment, you have to get surgery. So it was a long time where I couldn't do any martial arts. It was just too unstable and it was really fucked up. I'd badly tore my ACL and tore my meniscus. It was like real wobbly. So I really couldn't do martial arts. It was only just like lifting weights and I was looking for something challenging to do and me and my friend would go, he got a job, my friend John got a job working at this pool hall and [2:03:08] he and I would just go there and just knock balls around for free during the day because he was working there. Right. So he'd be like working on the counter and I just got obsessed with it man and I just happened to be around all these people that were like really good players. Like high level professionals would come in from the road because it was a gambling pool hall. It's called executive billiards and white planes. This is Boston. Now this was New York. Okay. So I was I didn't really get into pool until I was like 23, 24, 23, 24. That's when I really started getting into pool. Like that's the four standup or no I was in the middle of standup. It was it was a problem where like my manager said to me He goes I think you care more about pool than you do your career Oh, I was like golf. It was right your golf. You're playing every day eight eight ten hours a day No, she's every day every day. I was traveling to go play in tournaments I was going to tournaments many nights of the week that I could have easily been doing stand up I was going to play in tournaments. I'd go to Connecticut to play, I'd go to Jersey to play, I'd go to West End Billiards and watch the killers play. [2:04:09] Wow. West End Billiards was this place in a real sketchy part of New Jersey. Ooh, it was sketchy. And it was this place where it was world-renowned as being like a player's pool hall. Like Hawaiian Rodney Morris was there and fucking Mike Siegel played there. Like the greats of all time. Did they even have places like that around here? Where it's not that many of them. There's hard times in Sacramento. That's still a big one. That's a big one. They stream big tournaments from there. Yeah. That's that one's legit. That's a legit like real players pool hall, but there's a There's not a lot of them left in the country unfortunately Because the game it's not very publicized except it's got more of a following now because the internet because people are watching those clips Right watching and they realize real high-level pool, you know like Joshua Fillard. Watch that guy play. My favorite is this guy [2:05:06] from Taiwan. His name is Coping Chung. He's my favorite. He's so smooth. When you watch that guy move the ball around the table, it's so effortless and precise. And his cue ball control is just magical, magical. He played in the US Open and won 11 games in a row on a four inch pocketed table. If you knew how crazy that is to run those kind of racks on a four inch pocketed table, it's like almost but what is a four, I don't even know, that's out, I don't even know. Okay, so if you buy a brunswick gold crown stock from the family it probably has five inch pockets if you buy a diamond it has four and a half but you can get it all the way down to four and they got it all the way down to four four inch pockets are fucking small yeah they're small and this fucking dude ran 11 games [2:06:01] with four inch pockets he went He went through the game. So he took me ran eleven games? I mean, like the other guy didn't get a shot for the guy. Either the guy had a shot in mist and then he ran out or he had a safety. He made a safety and the guy had a kick and then he got the ball back. But whatever he did, he just played like perfect pool for a number of games. See, if you watch the guy play man, if you really know how to play like, it's just effortless. There's something about the sti- and he- he just keeps getting better too. Like every time you see him and each turn to me, he just gets a little bit better. These guys all stop playing because of the pandemic. So for a couple of years, they couldn't play internationally. Right. So they kind of fell off a little bit. And only the guys who were in certain tours where you were allowed to still play, guys were playing with masks on. It got like real weird for a while. And some of the guys since international travel was limited. They didn't get that high pressure, you know, going to the US open in Atlantic City. That was the big one where he was at. That's like a big. That's where he was while that was being shot. That's all [2:07:09] the killers from all around the world gather up in Atlantic City. They know who's going to win. No. Before they go into it. You can't know who's going to win. They're too good. I mean, did they, so there's not a number one that's significantly better than everybody else, like there wasn't golf or years with higher wood. There's a guy named Shane Van Boning and he's one more than anyone and he's won the US Open. He's tied with Earl Strickland, who's another one of the all-time grades. I think maybe Strickland has more. Strickland might have more. Who won the most US Open? Shane Van Boning or Strickland? Either way, this guy wins everything. He's won world nine ball. He's one So we do a multiple times. He's favored to beat most people, but that doesn't mean he's going to win Because a guy like Coping chunk could just run out and you know, never get shot at it, right? Okay, Earl Strickland and Shane Bambone both from the US share the record for winning the US open nine ball [2:08:00] Championship the most time five Strickland in 84 87 93 97 93, 97 in 2000, and Van Boenning in 2007, 12, 13, 14, and 16. He's evil. He's evil on the table. And when he plays, he shuts his hearing aids off. He's got hearing aids. He shuts those bitches off. And he's in a world of his own, man. He doesn't hear any gering. He's a pinball wizard he's the pinball was yeah he's the pinball wizard yeah he's a monster man he's a monster but one of the greatest players of all time like if you have a list of the top five greatest players of all time and you have shame van Boenning on that list we're not having a conversation well it's silly and what's his mother ship where does he go to hang out well he's play pool South Dakota's where he started out they call him him a South Dakota kid. He had a table in the basement that had really tight pockets. And he would practice his break on it so much that the center of the table was just white from being compressed, from the cue ball, smashing it into the rack and then slapping down the same spot over and he broke so much that he created like a white cloud [2:09:01] around where you rack the ball. Because he's just obsessed. And like universally regards one of the greatest breakers of all time. So, for these guys are on some spectrum. A hundred per slam. Yeah, right, because it's kind of matter. Yeah, have to be. Yeah, you have to be. You want to compete? Yeah. You go get vaccinated. We need you in a fucking different realm. No, there's a lot of guys that are like super normal, that are high level competitors, that are normal guys. Like you can hang out with them, the coolest fuck. It's just an obsession that they could have been doing that with anything else. Could have been disc golf. It could have been Frisbee. Carpentry. Whatever it is. These are just obsessive people that are fascinated by the game. So, crazy Tiger stat, I just saw over the weekend. Over a 10 years stretch from 99 to 2009 Tiger was more likely to win 34% than finished 9th or worse, 32% for 10 years. That's insane. Yeah, it's a monster. [2:10:01] Yeah, nobody ever racks up those kinds of numbers. Oh, it's a monster. Yeah, nobody ever racks up those kinds of numbers. Oh, it's a monster. You got 150 people every week. So you should win one out of 152, you know, instead of 25% of the ones that you fucking enter, it's just crazy. Yeah, you have to be. I've never been done again. I'd like to think. A mad genius to pull that off. And a mad genius raised by his dad to be that from the time he was really young. You know? Yeah, you'd have to have a springboard. Right, yeah, I mean, that's what he was. And also like if your dad plays golf, man, if someone in your family plays, I really, really wonder this. If you, are you transferring some of your comedy into your kids? Are you transferring some of your comedy into your kids? Are you transferring some of your... They've said that even bad ideas, like even racism can be inherited. This is like a speculation. I forget how they ran that study, but they think that there's some aspect of thinking and of life and of experiences [2:11:00] that somehow or another gets transferred to your kid, which makes sense because the big ones do like fear of spiders fear of uh... right like monsters under the base in the in the basement those fears that kids have you think they come they come from memories of being eaten by cats almost entirely it's thousands of years of proto hominids being slaughtered by cats. Oh wow. Yeah, that's what we scared amongst here. So it just doesn't bother me. I guess. Well, it would if we were out to hide, Ron. Yeah, it's something. I feel safe in here. I feel safe in here with your big frog burps. Yeah. Big frog burps. We have to have protection from the animals, folks. Don't get cocky. People are getting cocky right now. They're getting cocky. Talk about bringing grizzly bears back. Shut your fucking dirty mouth. You want grizzly bears in Beverly Hills? What are you gonna, if they're gonna be fully protected and you can't do anything about it, are you gonna count on the wildlife people to be able to get the grizzly bear? And you, yeah, and you got a Before it eats you I'm gonna tell you right now if that grizzly wants to fuck you just let him fuck you [2:12:06] Let him fuck you. That's the best case scenario. Don't don't fight back. Don't argue push back push back Yeah, push back make all the right noises do whatever it takes pretend like you love it. You love it Yeah, fucking love it. I love living let that bear fuck you. Yeah, you imagine kind of VD you get from a grizzly bear? Oh my God. You think that's what's going on after? Yeah, I think so. Well, that I think we tried to make that connection with syphilis. I don't think we did. But there was. I think someone had told me that there was two. It was a fucking really smart guy. I forget who it was. But if someone told me that there was two different strains of syphilis and one of them seems to have definitely come from North America. So like sailors came over in the 1400s with like the Pintin and the Santa Maria and shit. When they went back they brought syphilis with them because it seems like there's a different strain of syphilis that ran through Europe during that time period. The same place where these people had just got back from North America. So they picked it up from our locals? Yeah. And took it back with them. [2:13:05] Oh, what's with we did? We gave him horrible diseases. They gave us a few that make fucking holes in your face. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha rain rotting or fucking nothing you can do about it. Isn't scary that the diseases like that come from sex. So weird. So weird that nature is like you'd be. That's so concerned that we're gonna overpopulate. That it gives you diseases that you only get from sex. You have to live in fear. There's a scare so encephalous in AIDS. What scares you more than syphalous in AIDS? If you get a person, Doc, I'm not feeling so good. Syphilis, please. Either one, like, oh shit. Syphilis, I guess. I don't know. Fucking problem. Magic Doth is doing okay. Man. As much shit as people talk about, like, pharmaceutical drug companies or medical science in general, I am so thankful they exist. [2:14:01] Because if it wasn't for them if there was no pen as sill in Oh, do you know fucked we'd be and I know people are saying all people are abusing antibiotics. They are they are Yeah, that's true, but isn't it great that we have antibiotics? Yeah, because if it wasn't Sure the fuck yeah, the fucking people would be dead All right, not half but you know what it's like back in the day if you got a staff infection that was a wrap That was it buddy. That's right. It's going systemic. It's taken over your blood Yeah, and if you had breast cancer you were done. That's just pure destruction own breaks That's a wrap you're losing that leg. Yeah, he's gone done. You know need you star You can't keep up. There's this Tribe that I was reading about forget whose book was it? You can't keep up. There's this tribe that I was reading about. I forget who's book was it. But it was about what happens with the older women in this tribe. It's horrible. That the younger males, when they realize the older women aren't keeping up anymore, they'll sneak behind them and bludge them over the head. [2:15:00] What's not keeping up? They don't keep up because they're nomadic tribal people. You mean they're lagging behind the group as it moves exactly exactly and then what happens to them? They get killed by the younger males So they have a fear of the young males and they have a natural and that healthy yeah, well It's it's supposedly Accepted in the tribe because it's understood that at a certain time you're not you're putting them in danger. You're putting them in danger by slowing them down. Right. It's really dark. It's really dark. I think it was it Malcolm Gladwell. I don't remember who- Killers of the Flower Moon, I think. No, Killers of the Flower Moon was the- I know it said I googled Tribe Young Males Killers or Women Book and that's what's popping up. They did that as well. It's just that book is popping up. They might have talked about it. They might have talked about it. I didn't see that movie. I've heard it's awesome though. Have you seen it? Killers of the world? No, I haven't seen it. You see it, Jamie? I didn't watch it last night it's on, it's on an eye movie right now. [2:16:05] Yeah, it's on everything to ramp, but it's not available for free streaming, I should. Oh, I see. I got money. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. Why are you trying to save it wrong? 39,99. Yeah, it's gross. 39,99. Do? That's happened. Even if you buy it, do they refund your money? No, no, no, no, I mean, like if you don't buy it, you can't get it again. You can't get it when you want it. Ooh, that's interesting. So is that like they have long term deals like Apple whatever they want? But I thought I Is that about, you know, or just gone on iTunes? Now it says they're not available in the country that you're in. I'm like, this is the country I bought them in. Yeah, that's weird. That might be a glitch. I don't know how that works. I don't know. But I was reading something very bizarre about Google and their terms of service and what they're going to do to adjust something for a sensitive event. [2:17:01] Did you see that? I an incident event. Did you see that? I could say any of the article, but it was one of those ones where I read it and I was like, I read one paragraph into it and I was like, Jesus Christ is starting to make me angry. And I want to read into this. I don't know where my phone is, but I wanted to ask because it's something, literally, if I go to Almond Brothers. It's an article from Ford. And to go to, i want to listen to uh... a song it says no longer available in the country or in and that's i-tunes and then i can but i can push the button and say play uh... the almond brothers band in a plate and play it but i don't have it at my command on i-tunes like i did i don't know where it went i thought i was buying that stuff that's what i meant but i don't But barely I wasn't buying it Right. I just thought I was buying it because it didn't there anymore Yeah, I don't know how that works. They must have some different licensing deals with certain songs Jamie That's not it. It's something that was real recent and they were talking about What they would do for a significant significant cultural event. Let me see if I can [2:18:02] significant cultural event. Let me see if I can. This is a new policy going affect February 24, clearly defines what constitutes a quote, sensitive event for purposes of prohibiting certain exploitative or insensitive ads in content. Yeah, that's it. Well, Google already had policies in place for ads and YouTube monetization, this expands the restrictions to Google's publisher network as well. And so it was defined in a certain way. See, if you could pull up what it actually says, because the way it was defined, what disturbed me was that it's very blanket. A sensitive event is defined rather as an unforeseen or unexpected situation that poses significant risk to Google's ability to provide high quality, relevant information while reducing insensitive. Insensitive content is that I have concern with that. Insensitive content in prominent and monetized features. Insensitive content. Insensitive to who? Exactly. So open to subjective. Now listen to this though. [2:19:00] Sensitive events include those with major social, cultural, or political impact, such as civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crisis, terrorism, conflict, or mass violence. So what they're saying is you must be sensitive. If you're going to discuss civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crisis, and he's doing with a major social, cultural, or political impact, terrorism, mass violence, you must now be sensitive. The thing is like whatever they're trying to say, whatever they're trying to do, to make the online world a nicer place, you gotta be really careful with saying things like that, because sensitive is a weird term. If someone is violently opposed to who. Right, also what was someone as violently opposed to who right also what was someone is to what is the opposed to something that's happening like think about one or many of the military conflicts around the world don't pick a side what if someone is violently opposed to these people dying and losing their lives and they're talking about it is that an insensitive piece of content that [2:20:01] can now be censored by a new policy is that what what it is? Or is it just going to demonetize it, which they've kind of always done? I think this was talking about people who are making ads using their platform, not people who are hosting content on their platforms. I got to admit I'm a little lost on this one. I think I see the listeners out there are also a little confused, is there? No, it's about them having the ability to censor you. So if you do it on White Show on YouTube, which is owned by Google, if they decide that there's something of whatever you're doing is in somehow or another offense. They would have wanted it. I don't know what they're saying they can and can't do. I think it's making ads. I don't know if it has to do with the content that again that's on YouTube. I think this policy content changes for people who use the Google ads platform and create ads like this one I'm showing you right here so that you can't abuse it. You can't amoditize it. But look how it's phrase please go back to the top sentence. So look at it says the updated policy provides practice including price gouging, [2:21:00] misdirected traffic and victim blaming during sensitive events. I'm with the first ones. Price gouging, misdirected traffic. I'm in with those, but victim blaming during sensitive events, that one gets touchy because like what do we just use in the add? So it's like making some weird add to pop up to get you to click on something that's going to pop up on content that might be about that event or anything like that. I understand. But victim blaming, the thing about victim blaming is you can do it both ways, right? Like victim blaming like with Hamas and Palestine and Israel, you could go, you could victim blame on both sides. You could say the Israelis were doing this and that's why Hamas had to attack. You say Hamas attacked and that's why these Israelis were doing this and you fucking people should have known better and you fucking people should have known better and you fucking people should have known better, that's victim blaming. Sure. You gotta let people talk. Yeah. And if talking looks like victim blaming until people work it out, then why not allow that? You can't just stop people from talking. So what are we saying? Are we saying that it's just they can't monetize that? Well then what happens is if you're not monetizing stuff, you let people know that unless they self-sensor, it's going to cost them [2:22:05] financially. Even if the ads, like say if the represents a company that is actually interested in this discussion and wants to know, like, what is the right perspective on this? Who's most informed? Who's looking at this the most correctly? If you're a company and you're, why wouldn't you want to advertise I'm something where people are just talking about what may or may not be happening in the world. And if you're going to do that on YouTube, then you have to worry about you're losing your ability to make a living now. It's like, is that what happens? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, is this, this is just a blanket policy in case of the most egregious offenses that all people agree are terrible and should probably not be okay? But then who gets to decide that? What happened to the frogs eating the mouths and shit like that? Ron Mike, this is the future of people being able to talk shit. I don't know. [2:23:01] That's what it is. No, I believe that, you know. It's kind of the future of people being able to talk shit, because this is how it goes away. It goes away through stuff like that. Sure. It goes away through people deciding that something's insensitive, which is like 98% of all jokes. Right. Yeah, you don't want to come to mind. You don't want to come to mind shit. This one I'm saying. Here's some examples. All right, Violet is this, okay, what is example? It's also, ads that claim victims of, oh, ads that claim victims of sensitive event responsible for their own tragedy or similar instances of victimly, okay, ads, so it's just about ads. At least for now it is. You know, maybe they could switch in, be like, now all content, but it's not on the phone. Well, that's completely reasonable if it's just about ads that's completely reasonable right yeah I guess you should want to be able to control how fucked up the ads are Cuz that's kind of well is it? It's just that there's like you you can start you use other parts of the internet that can But you can't use propaganda you can't lie you can't use Google ads, which is the biggest part of the internet advertising world right they shut you out Do it somewhere else is all they're saying right that's seems reasonable. Yeah, you can't use Google Maps, which is the biggest part of the internet advertising world. Right, they shut you out. [2:24:05] Do it somewhere else, it's all they're saying. Right. That seems reasonable. Yeah, that's pretty reasonable. As long as they're not doing that with the actual content of the podcast, because I do know that they demonetize. They demonetize people all the time if you talk about certain subjects. It's always been a problem. And they don't do that to you, right? They used to do it. Yeah, they used to do it up until the time when we switched over to Spotify. They stopped doing it. They stopped doing it. They stopped doing it. They stopped doing it. They stopped doing it to other people. They stopped doing it to other people all the time. They stopped doing it to us for like three months. Like where they didn't give us any dings doing the same show. I don't know any other way to do this. You gotta sit down and talk shit. It's the only way to do it. If I change that for somebody that's gonna sense or something or I'm gonna lose money, like what are you talking about? I can't change what I do. I'm just zero interested in doing that. And if I don't think it's offensive, then that's it. [2:25:00] Let's end the conversation. And I think you're pretty sensitive. Yeah, I'm sensitive. I try to be sensitive about these kind of things. It's just, you gotta let people talk. And just because people disagree with you, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. Do you see that clip? I know. He was the way he was phrasing it was actually kind of funny. He was talking about white frailty or white anxiety that it's a public health crisis that white people who vote Republican, it's just like an opioid epidemic. This guy was comparing to you. Here, I'm gonna put, you wanna say this to you, Jimmy? I don't know where this is. I don't know where he said this. I just saw it on Twitter. And I'm like, man, you gotta get out of the house. You gotta go hang out with some different folks. and you gotta get out of the house. You gotta go hang out with some different folks. They don't have an opioid epidemic. There's a lot of people that are the conservative people that are like really clear thinking people. Like, yeah, they just, they don't, they think there's, this is a mess and they want things to change. And they want the rule of law put back in place. Doesn't mean they're on obese. [2:26:01] Okay, right now. This is so crazy to say that everybody who doesn't agree with you is a lot of drugs it's it well you know it in that that gets fired back both on on both sides just uh... it's good because you're now you're in a stupid war we'll get your stupid no you're stupid right it is we're on drugs who brought back name calling yeah is that i don't know if you had been taught equality from the beginning you wouldn't be flipping out but that's how hegemonic dominance works. And so I think that's why it happens. And we have to be willing to talk about that because it's really unhealthy. This wide anxiety is a public health crisis in that regard. And that's why, you know, not only we're talking about other room a minute ago before we came in here, you know, that it's not just the opioid crisis that we think about with folks killing themselves disproportionately increasingly white working class folks who are you know using heroin or using over-the-counter opioids but they're political opioids. Turning to a candidate who says you vote for me and I will take away your pain. I will bring back those jobs. I will make your life better. That's a form of an opiate as well so we [2:27:01] got to be honest about about the disfunctionality and the real danger of the front lash, back lash, whatever we want to call it, even for the people who are you know thinking they're going to benefit from it. What you see right there is a wild instance of someone that's used to being around like a certain type of people to think a certain type of way. Right. And think it's okay to say an out loud. Everyone's going to go along with a bigger forum and you put that out there to the world and the whole world is like what the fuck are you talking about What are you talking about? They're not on opioids? What are you saying someone is gonna and why are you dressed like that? You shouldn't mind you just have an opinion that doesn't bother me at all It that he's dressed like ED. I mean Would dress in a casual setting. Let me see it again. I didn't even think about how he's dressed. I just thought about what he was saying. It's just like a very good guy. It's paramilitary, no. It's very, it is. It looks like car heart shirt. No, that guy doesn't look paramilitary at all. [2:28:02] Run white. Maybe I saw it in it his eyes I don't know well it is kind of it's kind of a very very very fast road come on no it's just a shirt with two beard it's just a job that's no good got some nice suits on the line I'll wear a suit um it's probably casual guy casual guy tuned into the younger people casual Friday you just like that that's a crazy thing to say. And it's also, it's not a nuanced perspective on the whole race issue in this country, in this world. It's a silly thing to do to say that all people that are Republicans, that are these white people are like on opioids, and they want someone to rescue them. It's so silly. It's so stupid to lump them all into white people first of all because there's a lot of people that are a republican that aren't white there's a shit ton of a man go down to Miami those Cubans are all Republican right there are all again there's so many Republicans down there it's a silly thing to say and it's also a silly thing to say that the people that oppose you politically are just wrong, so wrong that they're looking [2:29:05] for a drug to rescue them. That someone who comes along and says that they can do a better job is offering you heroin. I think both sides have a really difficult time understanding the perspective of the author. You know, there's just a big swing in a miss and you can butt heads all day and nothing butges. You know, there's just a big swing in a miss and you could butt heads all day and nothing butches and yep and You know, I know it's real smart wealthy guys that disagreed with me 100% and so when we're around each other guess what we don't do talk about it Because there's so much more that there's so many connections that we do have yeah You know why I let that political thing getting away a friendship because it sure can if you let have, you know, why I let that political thing get in the way of friendship, because it sure can if you let it, you know. Here's the problem. This is the number one problem. People attach themselves to their ideas and they attach themselves to a party that their ideas most likely have been adopted from. Most people's opinions politically [2:30:01] are a conglomeration of a group of people's opinions they've adopted. Whether it's right-wing people, extreme right-wing, I mean, I'm saying most, what is it? 60%. How many environmental productivity? There's a lot of people that are not independent thinkers, it's my point. Everybody almost. Most people, right. So when you get connected ideologically, very personally to a group of opinions and then someone opposes that group of opinions, they're attacking you. They're attacking you. You take it very personally and people are receptive about the way they phrase things in order to try to win. And it's entirely because their self-worth is connected to this verbal jousting that they're doing, which is both productive and unproductive at the same time. Because it lets you find out things are bullshit. I think it's true. But it does allow you sometimes to find out if things are bullshit. But on the other hand, it's not smart. It's not a smart way to communicate because most people are in the middle on everything. Most people just want the world to be a safer place. [2:31:00] You want your kids to go to nice schools. You want your neighborhood to be safe. You want your kids to go to nice schools, you want your neighborhood to be safe, you want people to make money, you want the economy to do well, you don't want new war. Yay, that's the most important shit. And we want it to be balanced and we want it to work. Right, you know, for as many people as possible. Leave me the fuck alone, don't tell me what to do. You know, have laws in place to keep people from getting fucked over, but But as soon as what people don't understand is as soon as you start Developing all these different areas of business and of life that have to be adjusted have to be adjusted and that's like you know putting Like these DEI initiatives and doing these different things We're not gonna how the most qualified people you're gonna hire people You want to hire a certain percentage of people from this part of the world, a certain percentage of people from that. It's like, even if you think you're doing better for the world, what you don't recognize is that this is a pattern of control. And this pattern of control that can be used to manipulate people to thinking they're doing something good socially, which they may very well be, what it really does, is allows [2:32:03] control of businesses in a new way and it allows control of public perception in a new way The community manipulated to get you to do certain things and get you to allow certain legislation to get passed that has the government have much more control over what you do or what you say and how much money They get and money for programs and it's you're locked into a system now and if you want to be a good person you have to follow this pattern. That's where things get squirrely and so as soon as people start telling people how they can and can't talk this book's got to be gone you can't say that you can't teach this as soon as that happens and the government steps in we're fucked we're fucked because if they step, they're not going to do it within your best interest. They're going to do it in whatever way makes them the most money or cost them the least. Well, there, you know, something's got to keep this herd going in the right direction, you know. And, let's just go back to that answer. [2:33:02] One day. One day. One day. One day. One day. My room off for the whole world. Yeah. Well, eventually that organism will just take over everything. It really grows well and it'll just get in your shoes and it'll balance everything out. Everything will make sense. Yeah, you know what'll happen? It'll get airborne. The spores will get airborne. It'll fix every problem we've ever had. That's what we need. That's what we need. Are you sure fear created shroom fest and if he was more ambitious that would be the number one festival in the world. He was more ambitious. I would have heard of it for sure. It's just an unofficial thing. I'm joking around. I'm all for it. July of every year. This place is now where you can go. It's actually legal. Especially know right is it i believe calorado decriminalized it and i think portland essentially decriminalized almost everything yeah i think uh... or is it or again in total decriminalized almost everything or is it just portland there's something the gloves are often portland you do whatever you want to [2:34:01] yeah some lady some lady who is uh... no she's either running for office or she's Oregon's first in nation-law the Greenfield decriminalized possession of small mouths of heroin cocaine and other elicit drugs in Favor of an emphasis on a diction treatment is facing strong headwinds in the progressive state after an explosion of public drug use fueled by the proliferation of fentanyl. Oh my God They flooded the streets Yeah, yeah, it's gotta be it's gotta be legal and free Let's that's the only answer. It's gotta be completely legal and it's gotta be no cost to you and That's the only thing that's gonna make it less profitable Which is what drives the whole thing anyway. You got to give it away You got to do what the Japanese did to us with television says flood the fucking market choke them out That's what you got to do you want to die over to hair when I was a fucking go you go buddy We've got too many of us anyway fucking take you make the decision not a lot of people make the decision to fucking do [2:35:03] I'm not I'm not and listen once you become a pastor people believe you more right. I know I know I know I know it's good I know I could do that's what I'm saying Ron start pastor I got a hair hair. You know spring chicken compared to bite we can try you out in a couple years I like fine polishing right start the Christian Conno, come on church start the church get that all So we start we start the Christian No, come on church start the church get at all So we have a decided Christian. We decided we're gonna go big. I think Scientology. That's what I was gonna say Ron Get him a look. I'm down with your crazy. I could be friends. I could be my back I'm right that's right. That's the way it really works comedic Tom Cruise Right I can hang in there for you. I can say less. We're gonna need some liberties. That's for sure. I know it sounds crazy on paper because everybody believes it. But once you experience it and you realize the feet and are real have you ever seen the South Park animation of what Scientologists believe? Yeah I think I have. I have the you know those guys just crank me up. They're amazing. Nobody laughs me make me laugh like those guys. They're the tip of the spear in the cultural war. South Park is the tip of the spear in the cultural war [2:36:07] They go after everybody forever and they get away with it because it's a cartoon right and it's a super unrealistic Or cartoon right grandfather. Yeah, there's no way you could ever think it was real and they're genius and the characters never get old That's the most amazing thing. I watch it all the time When you have a cartoon it doesn't even look remotely real. That character can be that forever. There's no timeline. They're in school for the rest of their fucking lives. That's the only constant in my life is South Park. I can get 24 hours a day and a fear factor. Fear factor comes on my television. Every time I turn it on, it automatically goes straight to Fear Factor and and you have to turn it off before something happens that you go oh god that's hilarious but and I don't know why it's a deal they made with Samsung on these TVs but that's what it goes to it and no matter what you were [2:37:00] watching before whatever you turn it off turn it back on fear factor yeah I got a Samsung TV in the gym, and when I turn it on, it goes right to Hell's Kitchen every time. So it's always Hell's Kitchen. I just want mine. I don't know. Maybe it's like if you set it on a channel at one point in time, it just goes back to that channel. Maybe that's what on. Before I go to ESPN Plus, it goes right to... Right, yeah, that's what mine does. It does it with a fucking fear factor. I would have like such a terrible opinion. I just sit around thinking, oh those girls were pretty hot. But I mean, the fear factor, like everyone would look good in there. Do you jerk off when you're watching fear factor? I don't, I don't. Don't be involved. Not every time. Not every time. Not every time. I gotta be in the, something else I had to have happened. And then, you know, Fear Factor just got in the way. Gordon Ramsay, if I didn't know any better, I think he's the meanest guy on earth because every time I turn on reception. But he's not like that in real life. Do you know what I'm in real life? [2:38:05] I don't know. Can't be. Someone to beat the fuck out of him by now. Right. I think people have. I think he's a prick. I think, you know, that's the word on the street. What's the word on the street? He's a prick. Kind of a prick. I got to be the nice guy like a plate of butter. I bet he's a nice guy. He's a great chef. The great chefs are wild people. People that create great food, or they're like great musicians, or great comics, they're wild artists. A different kind of person. It is an art. I didn't really appreciate that till I met Bourdain when I started talking to him, especially when after I watched his show, I think that's when I first realized it was like, oh, this is an art form. I was just to think of it as just good food. That, you know, that was a guy just I always thought I would be his friend someday. You would have been his friend, you know, I just always thought, God, you know, I could watch that guy. He just seemed so, so honest to genuine. He's just I knew into his life, you know, when you fall in love. That was great. [2:39:06] I didn't. I wish I could have set that up. I wish I could have got you guys together. He's a great guy. Well, it's too late now, Joe. Yeah, man. Do you know how I found out? A manor from tool text me. And he goes, I guess the celebrity Gigi to matches off And I was like what cuz he used to joke around about like having a celebrity. The mainer's really good But but but excuse me by the way Mainer just got his black belts and congratulations Mainer Keenan from Tully's the legitimate black belt. Oh, yeah, like really good at Gigi's I watched him training here with wrong with John Donner her before we did a podcast. He trained right next door at the gym But you know he he's like a really legitimate Chujitsu guy. There he is, that's him. Oh wow. So Ron White, that's your next move. Chujitsu? Chujitsu? Or you? Ron White, Chujitsu. I wanna bang it. [2:40:00] You wanna bang? Do you? No, I don't want a band. No, you know what I want to do. I want to besides the religion. Can I ask you? Did you ever do the show in LA the grand bam comedy jam? What is it? What is it? Goddamn goddamn curry jam. Yeah, Josh out of my show. Yeah, what'd you sing? Give me three steps. Here's a great you know that electric violin is doing league guitar stuff. It was fun as shit and and I Think Bill Burr was that night playing drums Bill is a really good job. Yeah, he was I was fucking shocked Bill Burr is a really dedicated drummer and I gotta tell you I killed it I I practiced it, you know at the time I was with with us with us. I was with a singer so she helped me get the beats on it with the Thing and don't get outside of that because you can't get outside of that you got to sing it under the isn't I got so I thought you know nice Nice I'd press the kicks I think that night fucking you did that's a great song to any skinned song [2:41:01] That's a wild band too, right think Think about those dirty white dudes in Florida. Yeah, I saw them on the concert when I was a kid, you know, it's the, in fact, I think it's the same place that Olstein preaches at now. Really? It was, what was it? Houston, I can't even remember the name of it. Something dome or something. Colosseum. Where's he at? I can't think of the name of it. You know why don't you bought that for Jesus? What a giant. How many seats does that have? Where has us gathered? It's like 16,000. 16,000 for Jesus. But I don't know. That's 12 million. Joel Olstein, Houston's compact center. Yeah. Wow. No, this was another step. Well, the church spent 90 million to renovate it. They spent 90 on it. They got it for 12 and they spent 90. Help, dope is, no one know whether they want it. No, they don't refugees in there. You know what I mean? They didn't let them in. 90 million dollars, this is what I mean. [2:42:00] And he literally said something about it. Look at this. And these people. That these people, and you know, be basically preach, preachers, it's okay to be, it's okay to be rich. And these people in that thing, they're like, that's what I wanna hear. I wanna hear it's okay for me to have my look at the pie. And I don't have to feel guilty for it and by God, I'm white. And I don't, you know, I'm not that they're all white but what is that? I'm just saying that my religion is going to be different. What are you going to do? You're going to be poor? I'm not. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. No, no, no, no, no. If you be the guy with 90 cars, but still be delivering the real shit, that's the thing. Yeah, I don't have 90 cars. You don't need three. I got three cars. 90 cars is like 90 cars you have to keep like fixed If you keep changing oil and pay insurance on them. What do you do? That's too many it's too many roles voices But if you're just gonna be some high ball or guru type character Connected to the god force of the universe [2:43:03] He's still give people orgasms Didn't he give people orgasms when Look at that. Look at that. Didn't he give people orgasms when they touched on their temples and shit? He could do some wild stuff. If somebody could do that to me, I would follow him anywhere. I think he could do it. If you could fucking, I would care who it was. Well, that was a guy. If that frog could do it, I would follow that frog. That the cult that you made me buy the building, that guy did that to people. He gave him orgasms. He did? Yeah, the guy was, he used a hypnotist. It's a great documentary. It's called Holy Hell. That's the type of people. Yeah, hypnotized them. And then he changed his name. His name was Jaime Gomez. But that was like, nobody's got to go for that. That sounds like a box around a card of a canelophyte, right? So he changed his name to Michelle. And then he changed it again when he moved to Texas. He moved to Texas because the cult awareness network was already on his hands. They were on his ass. [2:44:01] And after Waco, they were cracking down like, he fuck enough of this shit. After Waco, they were like, this is crazy. These people have guns, they're just fucking everybody's wives and they're stockpiling food and preparing for a war, a Christian war, a shooting at cops. Yeah, nothing scarier than that ground. Oh, that's scary. When you get that apocalyptic preacher guy's willing to lie in there with a bullet singing a song for everybody. Yeah, really believes in that. That's a death call. That's the. He wants to go down in a blazer glory. He wants to be martyred. That's the scariest. There's a scaryness to that for sure. That's a weird thing, huh? So many people go down that road of either starting one or believing in one. It's like a natural inclination that people have to just follow. You know, all you have to do is look at what Jim Jones was able to pull off and other people complete complete complete control of all those people to the point where they killed themselves. I thought that was the case. I think some of the people were forced into it now. Now that I read it into it more, it seems like [2:45:01] some of the they were forced. They were forced to go to Jones time. No, but they may have been forced I used to think they all just died on purpose, but now I think a bunch of them were forced into doing it You know, there's probably when he when there's a masked death It was probably got to be a few reluctant people. Yeah, it's right at the end going. Yeah, yeah, I didn't know you were But this serious this dude when the cult awareness network was after him, he moves to Austin and then has his followers build him that theater so he could dance in front of them. The videos on long, I know that. The videos are incredible. He's a really good dancer. Better better than me. It was really good. These beautiful dudes. This one in his room. Yeah, good looking guy until later when he had all the surgeries that I'm in trouble. And just started getting old. We couldn't deal with it. You got to let age come, man. Well, are you our guru, or are you a dude who's hypnotizing people and butt-fucking them? Well, this is how we find out. What happens when you age? Right. Which is legal. He was doing everything above ground. I don't know if he had a pay taxes. Like, that's the question. an established religion because the only person that I know of that it's actually I know people have done it but the only person I personally know of is Alex Gray the visionary [2:46:09] artist from New York. Do you know who he is? He actually put together a real church. It's a church of his art. Is it the was he called the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors? What does he call it again? Is that it? So he has this insane art structure that's in the woods in Upstate New York and I'm know you've seen Alex Grace work before. It's all Visionary psychedelic DMT type things like that. Look this is this work show his building Jamie because the bill No, I'm saying the outside of the building because the outside of the building like the front doors are all 3D printed works of his art. That's the inside. It's fucking incredible looking. That's what it looks like That's what it looks like on the outside of it. I mean This is the yeah, this is the CGI, but it does look like that now, right? [2:47:02] That's right. This is a picture of that with that thing on top. Right. You see, I think there's some other perspectives. Maybe there's some other photos that'll show different, there it is. Like this is, oh, no, this is the bullshit version too. What the front of their website? I think there is some imagery somewhere of the front, but whatever it is, like this guy has a legit church. So he has actually gone through all the steps to create a church. He worship him? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, pure and loving form. If I had to boil it down to what they believe in, that's what Alex Gray believes in. And all of his art, this is all like these sacred, trip-to-mean-type images. I mean, he's like the only guy that I've ever seen that captures certain aspects. You know this guy? Yeah, he's been on the podcast before. He's really cool. No shit. Yeah, [2:48:03] really cool guy. And his wife is really cool too. She's been on here as well and like look at all of his work. It's like It's amazing stuff, but he's got a real church This is the only guy that I know that's actually made a real church. Well, I'm like, oh, I believe him I believe him That's not a guy who's trying to Joel Olstein and he's not trying to buy 98 Bentley's right That He's not trying to buy 98 Bentley's right. That's really who he is. He's just a real Fascinating artist. There's a bunch of people that have Alex great tattoos It's probably like one of the most great here and yeah the great here guy with the ponytail. Yeah sweet heart of a guy So that's an example of like this tax status down there at the church. It's a good question I think he got it through I think it's a legitimate church nonprofit organization formed 1996 to create a permanent public exhibition of the sacred mirrors but I think they got like a tax exempt status yeah file you know established in 2008 as an interfaith church yeah so from 2008 I guess they [2:49:03] established it as national church to have have to have a doctrine that you use as well. Well, here it is. I'm sure they do. I just don't know what it is. Provides unique creative events and workshops and a spiritual context. Like what is there? What is the do they say what they believe? Right. What is it? Okay, scroll down. What are we? Scroll above that? So I could read the text. I mean, I would join just so I could hang out there. It's a place of contemplation and worship for community honoring the practice of art as a spiritual path. Cosm's site and structure provides a living bottle of the ideals expressed through the inspiring artwork of the collection and the exhibitions, the writings of the founders and invited contributors. So they just take cool artists and their art and they show it to people and their spirituality is based on creativity. And it's amazing, aren't man. It's stuff is fantastic. Where is it? New York, somewhere in New York. Like New York State. [2:50:00] Wapinger, Wapinger, New York. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm in Syracuse. I wonder if it's anywhere in here. Just go there, maybe he's got a course. How does it start up? I got a bus. Yeah, just go down there and go, look, I'm going to start my own thing. The chapel of sacred heezy and ha-ha's. He may have classes. Isn't, isn't like comedy kind kind of a form of religion in some way. It is for us, Joe. It is. It is. You know, it's, you, you, you, you, you find, I mean, just making people laugh is a good thing to do. It's a great thing to do. It is. It's fun. And I can't tell you how grateful people are, you know, that, just how hard we make them laugh, you know, that, that, it's just so much fun to do. If you can even remember, to be somebody that wasn't a comedian watching a comedy show and how hard you can laugh at that experience when you know, just, I remember I saw a sign fell one time and in a comedy club, you know, and he had full blown chops [2:51:00] and it was all never heard of before. He beat me to death. I mean to death at the Whatever the improv in Dallas, Texas. I had a table right off the roof of my birthday I don't know been doing stand up for about six months. I wasn't in the show He was making 25,000 for the week and we were like no fucking way Nobody makes that much money in the world Yeah, doing it stand up at a club. And this is the 90s, right? 80 years, that. It had been 86. 86. I saw Seinfeld for the first time in 88 before I did stand up. Like right before I did stand up, I was probably, maybe the 87. It was at the Paradise, which was a comedy club in, it was like a, it was a big place that was connected to stitches. So stitches was the comedy club and that was small. I think it would see about 150 or so. And then the Paradise, which next door was bigger. But it only sat like maybe 500 people. [2:52:01] I'm just guessing, 400 or 500 people. And so, Seinfeld was there. And I took him with this girl that I was dating and just fucking cried couldn't believe how smooth he was. So smooth. It was so so fun to see. Back then, you know, he was doing all those sets, you know, all those sets every night. He's the one that said, you know, comic should be on stage. I heard him say it every single day. And that, you know, a comic should be on stage, I heard him say it every single day. And that, you know, yeah, he's got crazy work. That's the real I tried to stay on stage every single day was because what sign felt that? Yeah. There's something to that for sure. But I remember back then, like thinking about doing stand-up, like, oh, I got to get in there to do this. And then going to an open mic and go, oh, I can do this. Like the difference between like, watching crazy people bomb. You're like, oh, yeah. Richard Jenny said it best. He said terrible comedy gives people inspiration to try comedy. That's the purpose it serves. Right, I could for sure do that. He was a guy I got to see live quite a few times. But I got to see him before us. Maybe I had just done an open mic or two, but I was sitting in front row at catch rising star in Cambridge. And he was doing the weekend there. God damn he was good. [2:53:09] There was nobody better than him. I don't think it has been his peak. It was just so much power. So much writing. So smooth and so many tags. And she's like just a consummate professional, consummate professional. Like he was just a joke writing machine. Yeah, he could take any premise any premise and turn it into a closing bit Right crazy and it was that's what it was like. I was like watching somebody that had nothing but closing bits You know that's the hard you laughed at this show. I've told this before but I'll tell it again Just because it's so crazy. Eastside comedy club in Long Island. Um, I I went there at the I don't know if I was there on Sunday Or I was there after I don't know if I was there on Sunday, or I was there after Jenny's shows were done. So when I got there, the fucking host was depressed. And we were all talking, I'm like, what's the matter? He goes, Jenny did a different hour every show. He goes, he did two different hours on Friday and then two different hours on Saturday, and he fucking killed. [2:54:01] And the guy was like, I want a quick comedy. Like, what am I doing? The fuck am I doing this? I just did four different hours and murdered. That's crazy. Crazy. I should quit. You watch something like that. I mean, he was like, he, just, people just forgot. That's one of those ones. Like, I know Chris Rock is up to him. Some people, you know, they inspire people to quit. Well, he definitely would raise the bar. He definitely would raise the bar. I saw him kill at the comedy works in Montreal. Remember that little room, that little tiny room upstairs? Oh yeah. I saw him kill up there talking about buying a Corvette. How do you make that funny? How do you make buying a Corvette funny? I have no idea. It was hilarious. He was murdering. He was a murderer. He could anything, any subject. He could find it. He could find the angle. Yeah. I remember the one thing he did that it was just about a look in his eye that whenever he, it was all he did was move his eyeball and he would show you how far he moved his eyeball and [2:55:02] that's how the fight started with his wife. But it was just real insightful and then it was so subtle that it was just so expertly fucking done that it just killed me. Yeah, he's one of the fucking killed me. Yeah, he was one of the grades. I gotta write something down. I don't forget. Yeah. It's just so interesting to think about the guys that inspired you when you first started doing stand up. When you first started, what that was like to see someone who was really good at this thing that was just like, it was that weird foggy dream in the first couple times you go on stage. Like, how does anyone ever really become a professional? And then you watch a master go up and murder. Right, holy shit. And then you realize he's nobody. Yeah. That's their guys that make him look like a, you know, like he doesn't know what he's doing. Yeah. But you know, you kind of have a realm of comedy [2:56:00] of what you can see and embossed. And that would have been a much bigger glimpse than you would get in Arlington, Texas. You got whatever headlaters came through, the funny bone chain, and they were all great. They all killed everybody. Nobody really went on to do tremendous businesses. That rocks were the main Dan and the book collar boys. There wasn't a lot of guys. Well, you guys over the door for a lot of new guys that came after you though. A lot of guys were inspired by that for sure. I hope so. But it's like you need a community. And Boston had a crazy community. They had a community of assassins that were local guys and then new people were coming in every week that were like big national headliners. So you'd have all these murderous local guys and then Dom and Rarrow would fly in for a weekend. You know, Bill Hicks would fly in for a weekend. They had all the like road killers, like whenever a big national act was killing it on the road, they would stop at Nick's comedy stop. We'd all watch them. [2:57:01] So they had the whole thing. It was like a perfect training ground for learning how to do stand up. Yeah, they never gave a fuck about me. And it's until I got bigger, you know, that's how it is. There was too many people there. Yeah, that's what they had guys. It was like Denver. You know, you didn't ever never gave a fuck about me, but I would look at their list of headlampers and go, you know, we got Louis Anderson. They got all these, you know, big name fucking comics. And I went to big name fucking comic and I didn't belong on that list. Yeah, it is what it is. But you have to have a scene like that. You know, that's where, that's where like, Talon emerges from. And that's what's been really fucking cool about being able to do that here. Is that to take this place that had a scene, there was an Austin comedy scene, the reason why it came here is the Reserted Club here. It went under during the pandemic, it still existed. And it was always a fun place to work. And then to have all of that, you were here first. So you were the one, before the pandemic even hit, you were already here. And you were telling me, I fucking love it. [2:58:00] I was like, came in from white loves it loves is gotta be something to it. And you were like, I'm shea, I fucking love it. I fucking love it's not too big, not too small, everybody's cool. Like goddamn it. And I had already thought about it before because of on it, you know, because the business is here. And so I had to come down to do stuff occasionally anyway. And I was always coming down to stand up anyway. And I always loved being down here, but it wasn't until the pandemic and it wasn't until you getting on stage That one time when you get on stage you haven't you hadn't got on stage in fucking forever and you grabbed me You're the shoulder you grab me. Yeah, we are gonna fucking do this whatever it takes Yeah, open up that club. I meant it too. I know you did I'm still do to this fucking day. I'm behind that a that 100% you know my effort and I talk about that club on the You know on the road and my shows and just how much you know how much it means to me now cool It is amazing to me too. Yeah, it means you to me because you're there too It's it's everybody together in this is of really exciting camaraderie. It's a great tribe and [2:59:01] Fun and we're that's we're blessed to have it. Yeah, it's very cool. Very cool. But you saying that to me that day, I mean, I was gonna do it anyway for sure, but that was an extra fucking turbo gear. I was an extra kick in the pants. I was like, let's go. I made some extra phone calls, try to close it up, figure out what the problem was. It was just we had a big adjustment from moving from the old place to the new place. That was a big pain in the ass. Because we had spent a considerable amount of time and effort, you know, architects were involved drawing up plans and people would go on to look at it and then and when it all fell through, they're like, fuck, we got to start from scratch. Yeah. But- And everybody blamed me. Well, people didn't believe it. That's what was funny. But that's also makes it more fun when it does open. Because people are like, he's never going to do it. Like, okay. Just sit back. Yeah, all right. I've got some crazy plans. If I hear you say you're going to do something, I just, how long is that going to be? It's going to happen quick. I would have happened, it would have happened quick. We would have been probably inside of a year. It was perfect the way it did happen. [3:00:06] A lot of anticipation from all of us. It made us all nervous. The fact that even with all that anticipation, it still gets an A. Right. It still gets an A. Like you guys. I know it's my place, but shut the fuck up. Yeah. The place is perfect. The place is perfect. We made it perfect. And we got lucky that we got the right people and the right architects shout out to Richard. The people that put it together did an amazing job and it's also like the vibe there is so strong. It's very fun. It's real positive. Well, you know, we all feel like it's ours. And even though you pay all the bills, you know, it pays the bills now. They up. So, and you know, people don't know that 80% of the door from the go to the comics. And so there's also no opportunity for a comic to make money. That kind of money in a local gig at home, anywhere on the fucking planet earth, that opportunity does not exist. Well, it's not, I would never do it [3:01:01] if I was gonna do it for money. I would never do it that way, that's crazy. I wouldn't make any sense. You're making less money. Yeah, I decided to get in the comedy club business. Oh wow. I didn't get in the comedy club business. I got in the business of making comedy and having a place for comedians. That was the business was, my idea was set up the ideal spot and what's the ideal spot? Well, the ideal spot was that the comedians would get the bulk of the money because the comedians are doing all of the work. They're the ones that have to come up with the jokes. If we don't have the comedians, we're just selling drinks. Like this is nonsense. So like it's obvious like what people, they have, I knew that when I started getting a percentage of the door. Right. I knew how it works, but like, that should be that way regardless. Like that's the real relationship. You're selling what we do. Right. You shouldn't be getting 80% of the money. 80% of the money should be going to the comedian. That's crazy. There's so much money from booze. You sell money in alcohol. You sell money and don't lose money. [3:02:06] I speak even. You know, I'm a 100% out of board. Yeah, it's great. That's the good thing. And if you do it that way, then it's really deeply and there's a commitment to this idea. Like we're all committed to this idea, just making the most fun possible, most comedy possible do our best have a great community have a great Tribe have a great vibe we're all feeding off each other and talking shit to each other and having a good old time in the back And then it fuels us to go on stage. We're watching each other from the balcony. It's exciting. Yeah, it is very exciting It's fun it's the funnest thing ever. I'm very happy you're part of it. Thank you brother. Thank you. Thank you It's great. I love being part of the fucking team. I love you having you here man I love everybody. I'm gonna headland the room Tuesday night. I think the 10 o'clock show. Beautiful. Are you doing the 7 o'clock show? Yeah, I'm doing the 7 o'clock show I'll come do it. Okay. All right, man. All right, man. All right, man. Let me do you guys bye, buddy