The Worst Review Ron White Ever Got | Joe Rogan

First time, you know, I was just in and out and I had no idea what was going on. And then, uh, I really didn't come back to, uh, cause I did a show in Newport beach at the laugh stop out there and just got this horrifically horrible review. Did I tell this story last time I was on? It was so bad. How bad? Oh, there was a picture of me. I don't even stand up for like three and a half years. And, and so then the guy that booked that room watched me do it like a eight minute set in Austin and I had a killer eight minutes, but he hires me to do 45 minutes. And, uh, and, and so I go out there and I'm nervous anyway, right? Cause it's, that's a big club. And, uh, and the two guys before me were a Seinfeld and slate. And so, right. So then Ron whites, three and a half year old booger eating moron thing. And, and, uh, so, and at this point I don't realize how bad I am cause they haven't read it yet. And, uh, so before I'm nervous and they go with that's Duncan Strauss. And, uh, and he writes, uh, the comedy reviews for the orange County edition of the LA times, which is about 6 million people. And, uh, I'm like, Oh, well, I wish you'd have given me a day or two to settle in. And so, so I do the set and it's not great and it's, uh, but it's not bad. You know, I think I pulled it off, you know, they laughed at it, you know, they, they laughed at what I'd put together and whatever it was. And, and I expected him to be there to congratulate me on the, on how good the uh, the set was and shake my hand and do a little interview to build this great interview. So, but he wasn't there. And I'm like, Oh, okay. Well, then that next night, there's like a little open mic night before me. So there's a, and one of the guys I know, Steve Epps from, uh, uh, Texas is on that. And, and then that night I fucking kill. And I'm really drunk and, you know, and I'm giving advice to other comedians, you know, cause I mean, my ego just flare. And I'm like, I'm probably going to leave my wife and go find that girl. And let the cotty beer poster. And, uh, they, you know, it's amazing. And, uh, people are patting me on the back on your man. You are really, really good at, oh, it is amazing. Yeah. Yeah. I am. And, uh, I am. So I'm staying at the Marriott sweets hotel in the bay, which is the nice hotel I've ever stayed in. And, uh, you had to pay for part of it yourself. And, but that was all I had. I mean, I was making, I didn't ever made that much money before. It was like 14 or $1,500. And, and, uh, for a week and, and, uh, so it's, it's, it's unbelievably beautiful with a gorgeous view phone bathroom, you know, two bathroom, big marble, everything big. Nice stuff. And, uh, I go back after that. Well, now the review comes out the next morning and I've got this massive hangover I'm just so sick, drunk, waking up, going up, Jesus Christ. And I, as I blinked my eyes and start going, Oh, the review, the glorious review is out the review. That's going to be touting my praises to the masses all over the, this area of Southern California, probably the beginning to my hugeness and, uh, probably is what's going to happen. So it turned out I had bought a bag of popcorn when I was drunk and I followed that bag, that popcorn trail from my bed out the door, down the hall, into the elevator, the elevator I got on had popcorn on it. It was the same one I came up in. I was just drunk, staggering around with a popcorn bag. And I follow that. Now this place is just right down the block from the, from the club. And when I go to a, when I'm playing at a club, I hang out at the club a lot, you know, cause that's, I just, those are the people I know anyway, those have been my friends forever. So, and they're still my friends, you know, I love those. So these are the people that work there. So I walk in the door and, uh, one of the girls that worked there looked at me and she goes, don't read it. Oh, and I'm like, what? He goes, don't read it, Ron. It's not true. It isn't true. And, uh, it's a hatchet job. I'm like, it's a, what a hatchet job. So I'm like, no, give it to me. I can, I can read it. Got, you know, how bad could it be? So there's a big picture of me this big 6 million people this big. It was the article was this big. It was a quarter of a page and it said in big black print, even when white's not blue, he's not funny. And I dropped the newspaper on the floor. I couldn't hold up a one ounce newspaper because the life had just sucked out of me and I also agreed with them and felt like I had just been found out as a phony and I was a phony and I didn't belong here at all. And, uh, and I picked it up and read it and, uh, and it said watching why it's 41 minute show. So they were nice enough to point out. I didn't, I just had to, I had to scrape and crawl to get to 41, much less the 45. I had agreed to, they pointed that out with, was like watching a polar bear lumber around on stage and something comical or interesting happening only occasionally now here's why. I can quote that all these 29 years later. I went across the street to the liquor store and bought a bottle of tequila and a pack of razor blades. True story. I go back up to my Marriott sweets on the bay and, uh, set there at this big desk and I'm just drinking this tequila, reading it over and over and over and over. And I got a big bag of weed and I'm smoking pot. And I've convinced myself that they're going to cancel the show because who would come to a show, right? With a review like that. And, uh, and then I'm thinking, well, they probably have to pay me for the shows. I did even, you know, even though I wasn't able to finish the week. Right. So I just, I just assume I'm fired. I genuinely believe that in my heart that I'm fired. And, uh, so I, I wake up from this stupor and I got a drool stain on this fucking article and a half a joint and a bottle of tea. I mean, it's dismal shit, right? It's dark, dark time. And I walked down there, fuck the show sold out. Both of them are it's comedy and fucking 1990, 89 or 90, whatever it was. And you know, all the clubs were sold out. Nobody gave a fuck. And, uh, they, they give a shit. And then I went on stage because I was still a wreck though. I'm drunk. I just woke up. I'm not very good. Anyway, I have no confidence whatsoever. I totally agree that I suck and I'm not worth a goddamn thing. And I go up there and have the worst set I've ever had on a sold out house. And it was just sucked. I just sucked. It was a horrible. And I was like, I'm going to get a deal. I just sucked. It was a horrible. And, uh, and then the guy that booked me calls the club and they go, he goes, yeah, cause he read the fucking article and he goes, that's gotta be a gut punch. I mean, it was a long, there was other shit in it too. And then it was good. And, uh, so then they, they, they get me on the phone with him and they get, cause they asked them, they said, we just want to see if he's okay. And they're like, Oh no, he's not okay. He's not okay at all. I'm like, I really, now I'm, now I'm calling my wife. And I just want to talk to you cause I love you so much. I'm not even thinking about the Ducati beer poster anymore. I'm just calling her. I just love you. I want to be together forever. And she's like, kind of standoffish. Like, like she could tell I had a bad review. So that, uh, that kind of scared me away from, uh, LA for a while. And I realized then that they were right. And I should have been slapped in the face and I wasn't good enough to be on that stage. I was not. And that guy actually apologized to me one time because I saw him later in live. And I'm like, no, dude, you were totally right. You were completely right. I should have been slapped in the fucking face. Three years in, you're just getting your legs. No, I had no business there. And, uh, and so, you know, it all worked out the, you know, the best way it possibly could have in that, but that also included a couple of slaps in the fucking face going. You're, you know, you're not, I think those are important. I really do. I think in the moment those feel bad, but every big leap I've made as a comic is after I bombed every big leap for real, like the, you know, someone telling me they had a bad time. My show just felt like you were off. I'm like, fuck. That feeling makes me so hungry to figure out how to do it. Right. That's where, where it comes from. It makes you, you know, you realize there's urgency to this thing. And then over the years, part of the fear of bombing is what makes me work so hard on new shit. Far to the fear is what makes me do so many sets. I'll do two podcasts a night and then I'll do four shows. I'll go to the store. I'll do two at the show, a store. I'll do one or two at the improv. I might even go to the ice house or the ha ha. I'll fuck around all these are all the reasons I'm not as good as Joe Rogan right here. I get scared. Ron white, I get scared. I do too. You know, I do too. And I, you know, I, I, well, I can't, I can't tell you it, uh, at 62, I do all those sets, but I do, I do go out and do a lot of sets and a lot of guys that are kind of in my, you know, in my age group really don't come out and do sets that much, but I come out and do sets and I hang out. You're ageless. And we don't think of you, you know, you said that one time, uh, in the back room, you're like, I'm older than you guys. And we're like, we don't give a fuck. That doesn't mean anything. This, this, this, this thing is about comedy. It doesn't matter if you're lesbian, if you're trans, if you're from Philadelphia or the Philippines, no one gives a fuck. Are you funny? And if you're funny, that's all we care about. We don't care if you're 90 or 19. I mean, I'm really good friends with Ali Mack. Ali Makovsky is, what is she? 22 or some shit? She might be 22. She's one of my best friends. I love that girl. She's goddamn hilarious. She's a kid. We talk all the time. We talk about comedy. We, I have her, she hosts my sets at the improv all the time. Nobody cares. Nobody cares about your age. They care about comedy.