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Stavros Halkias is a stand-up comic and host of the podcast "Stavvy's World." Catch his new Netflix comedy special "Fat Rascal" on December 5, 2023. https://www.stavvy.biz
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There's a thing when you watch a guy win a world title fight. There's a thing where you watch two of the best in world fight. Everyone gets to watch. And these guys who are the wildest and craziest of our population get to do this thing which is akin to combat. It's like physical combat with no weapons but your own body. Use that as a weapon and then see who knows how to do that better and you do it in front of the world. Yeah, I mean that is the ancient shit of single combat, right? It's like each culture or if you wanted to avoid a war, we pick our best guy and we fuck each other up. And there is a feeling of that, definitely, especially when it's clashes of cultures, right? When it is Khabib and it is fucking Connor or whatever. It's like these guys from completely different places and it almost feels like... This is what's cool about the World Cup. Obviously it's not combat sports but there is something sick where you're just like these countries this means so much to them. So much to them. And these people, they got eliminated but Japan and Korea, if they had won, they would have played each other in the fucking World Cup and it's like Korea would have fucked Japan. They're so mad. That's their oppressor. You know what I mean? Japan fucked Korea up. You know what I mean? It's like those ancient rivalries like England and France fought each other for thousands of years. You know what I mean? It's just so... There is something fucking awesome about... And whenever a third world country plays America, you don't think they want to fuck America up? It's cool. I mean, like, fuck you. You got all the money in the world, we don't give a fuck. We know you put our dictator in power. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know you're working straight in the cold. Come on, dude. My uncle was the democratically elected guy's fucking minister of the press. He got assassinated too. You got to go, motherfucker. Yeah. This is for the CIA. Take this goal for the CIA. Yeah. It's like war proxy. It's cool. What was that article? You highlighted something? No, it's a tradition of it. I don't know that it was like an official mandate or anything. A deeper connection was claimed during both World Wars, football as a training ground for soldiers and officers. The game as a mimic war requiring cool thinking, self-sacrifice, and physical courage. So at least in some ways, obviously from that, it's like a proxy. It's like a thing that you can do. You can do that instead of war, or maybe it can help you practice for war. But that's- Especially back then when they really, World Wars could pop off at any time. At any time. Maybe you can't, you know. That's the thing with combat sports too. It's all of it. It's the same thing. It's just a way, there's a thing that people have inside of them. They want to conquer. Yeah. And women want to do it too. They want to do it socially. For sure. And some women physically, the ones that you want to fuck. Yeah. They want to conquer me. It's a weird thing that we have in us, and it makes you wonder if people hadn't figured out sports, and hadn't figured out games. How much would we be fucking each other up? It seems like that's what people are designed to do. And all these other things that we do that all the other animals don't do are probably the thing that's allowed us to become what we are. It's probably the things that have allowed us to figure out civilization. You blow up a little steam. And we figured out ways to get along. Let's play with a ball. Right. I'm going to hit this ball instead of your fucking head. Right, right, right. I'm not going to sneak in. Think about it, a weapon, a bat is a fucking club. It's a total weapon. So instead of your fucking head, which I want to hit, let's use coconuts. I'm going to pretend it's the coconuts. I'm going to pretend you're fucking nuts with this coconut. Yeah. And they said back to them, there was a ... Now, I think we researched this too, but goddamn, that marijuana is ruining my memory. Respect, by the way. We were talking ... This is such a great racket. About. What is that fucking meme I saw? Was that an article? In the Mayan, that Mayan football game. They used to have a football game. Oh, yeah, yeah. Which is like football and a little like lacrosse. It was like kind of a little mix. Yeah, you got to knock it through like a hole. And there was also talk that sometimes they used a human head. Yeah, that should be ... But I don't know if that was folklore or true. And then there was another thing that I read that I never could remember if this is accurate, that the winning team would be sacrificed. Whoa, that's fucking sick. Go to the gods, the winners. Likely not. That'd be a long ass game where people keep missing the ball. What is it, Jamie? This article about it says, for instance, did the games winners and losers get sacrificed at the end of the game? Answer to both questions is no. No, so it's all bullshit. Players are likely not sacrificed. But what if they were? And the ball would be cool. And the ball wasn't meant to go through the hoop. Dude, it wasn't? What is the hoop for? But that game was really violent. Oh, fuck. What is that? There's like a hoop, right? It says, you know, the hoop likely happened from time to time. This is sick, dude. That's not what it was for. Oh, okay. That's what we're talking about. So it's like extra points? Yeah, it's like Harry Potter. It's just like you would have been horrible. It's all about catching the little gold thing.