Santino & the Shrew Moment - JRE Toons


3 years ago



Andrew Santino

11 appearances

Andrew Santino is a standup comedian and actor. He's the host of the "Whiskey Ginger" podcast and co-host of the "Bad Friends" podcast with Bobby Lee. Look for his new comedy special "Andrew Santino: Cheeseburger" on now streaming on Netflix.


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The Natural History Museum in Bozeman, Montana has a raptor that on one side of it they had feathers on it. To try to give you like an alternate perspective of what it might have looked like. They know now that the idea that all dinosaurs were these reptile looking things is incorrect. Some of them literally were birds. So the birds that you see today, whether it's a peacock or a chicken or something like that, they're fucking dinosaurs. Yeah, they're dinosaurs. That's what that is. It's a dinosaur that survived. The ones that are bigger than a chicken didn't really make it. Why did the small ones make it? They think that when the impact hit the world that it was so devastating that it killed almost everything. And whatever was left, whatever scrounging, scavenging little creature that was left evolved and became us. We used to be a mole. We used to be like a shrew 65 million years ago. That's what these people, these non-believers, you think it's ridiculous that you think you came from a monkey? You think that's ridiculous? I know where I came from, Joe. I know you know. This is how crazy these liberals are. You know, it's crazy to think you came from a monkey. Well, these motherfuckers take it to another level. They're so crazy they think you came from a shrew. You were like a little mole type of character. Yup, yup, yup, yup. And then that became a monkey. And then out of the monkey becomes you all that shit inside of 65 million years. Get the fuck out of here. Meanwhile, crocodiles are 100 million years old. So crocodiles are the same, but somehow or another we went from being a fucking shrew to being a person who knows and loves Jesus in their heart. Bullshit. That's it right there. That's us. Look at that thing. So if you see like rats, like there was a... I don't buy it. See you.