Joey Diaz Tells Hilarious Story About Auditioning for How I Met Your Mother

Hello freak bitches. Oh, they heard it Starboy. You know how many times I go to an audition I hear this. Like my, this is my, a lot of people don't like to audition. I like to audition and I'll tell you why, because I fuck with them. Because you're funny. You know, I've ripped my pants out. You know, if you watch, uh, uh, what's that show on CBS that's been on forever? I don't fuck with Monday nights. The Big Bang Theory or the How I Met Your Mother? How I Met Your Mother. I did How I Met Your Mother. I didn't even know you did it. Yeah. If you watch the episode, you're like, Joey, you're an extra. I'm an extra. You know why? Because I went into the audition. I had no underwear on. And there was this, you see these things that pop out of chairs? Yeah. The side things, the way you get your arm rests. And she goes, get up to read. When I, when I got up to read. The pants came down. The fucking thing got caught in the hole in my pants and my dick came out. All three women sat there and I go, did you see the egg roll? And then I lost them for sure. They even told me, they go, you got the job. As I was walking down the street on Fox, my phone rang. My agent goes, go back. You didn't even read. I didn't even read. And they called my agent said, we love this guy. I went back and when I was, didn't even read. They saw the Cuban egg roll, you know. Well, they were probably not used to someone with confidence. They didn't give a fuck. You know, I went to an audition one time, bro, where the guy had, I'll never forget this. The guy was a white trash guy. Like this family moved in. It was a pilot for ABC. And this guy is one of those guys that he had a little circular pool in front of his house. And he was, he was watering his shit. But at the same time, he had like a thong on and he's fat. He's got jewelry on like one of those guys in like Long Island. You know what I'm saying? So I'll never forget. I get to the audition. All these guys are there. Tony Longo got rest. I saw all these big Italian dudes and I knew they were going to get the part, bro. I'm like, they're going to get the part. I'm not going to get it. But I had warm ups on it. All right. I had warm ups on with the string and I had white, tidy whities. And I had a zip up jacket and I had a way 380. So I walked in. I go, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to take my pants off. Right. I'm taking my fucking sweats off. I walk in and what do you think these two ladies say to me? I'm like, come on one second. We'll be with you in a minute. So they turn around. That's my cue, bitch. I took those sweatpants off. I took the shoes off and my socks and I walked closer and I took my shirt off. When they turned back around, all I had was boxer shorts on. Like the tidy whities. That's it. Ted's hanging on. Stomach hanging over the underwear. And they did. As soon as they turned on, they're like, oh my God. They're like, that is terrible. Put your shirt back on. I'm like, I'm not putting on shit. All right. I'm reading this motherfucker how it is. So you were supposed to like wave and say good morning. And they're like, action. And they're like, can't even look at me because I'm completely naked. You know? And they can't even look at me and I make them believe I'm flipping burgers and I look over at them and I go, living like a doctor. That's it. They booked me. When I got to the audition, that was the read. Living like a doctor. They even gave me my own line. And those auditions I went into, they gave me whatever line I said in the audition. Like whatever they said wasn't good enough. I go in there with my own fucking line. Yeah, that's probably why you got it. Look, look, look at Joey. He's just sitting there like a moved the look. That's when you were in those big daddy shirts all the time. Yeah, look how big I was. Jesus Christ, you were enormous back then. Tell us how it must have been like what, 2000 then, right? Yeah, this is 2000, 2002, 2000. I remember when I met you, like right after I met you, I brought you onto the set of news radio. But they were all like, who is this guy? With leather jacket on. Is this guy your friend? Like, I guess that's Joey.