Joe Rogan | Post Break Up Animosity w/Anthony Jeselnik

This and that. I gave you the best years of my life. Ugh. That's my favorite. I did a girl once when we broke up, she said, I wasted all this time with you. I said, oh. I go, I thought we were dating. Yeah. I didn't know you were investing. Yeah. Yeah. I wasted it. Oh, you wasted it. Well, I guess every relationship when it's over is a waste. Like, what? That's so bizarre. Yeah. Bizarre way of looking at it. Yeah. Enjoy the present. Enjoy the time you had together. Yeah, but if you're thinking about it in terms of like hitching a ride on a successful train. Yeah. If your goal is to get married and you're with someone for five years and then they break up, like, oh, you know, I should have been with someone else. Yeah. You would have married me. Now I got to find someone else. Yeah. The jealousy thing about the breakup, so it's so normal. It's so hard for people to not be jealous. Mm-hmm. Like, no, very few people ever break up and go, hey, man, she's cool. It just didn't work out. I was a dick. She needed some growing. We both needed time away. Hey, I wish her well. I've never really gotten jealous. I always like when they move on. You know what I mean? When they get a new boyfriend, you're just like, oh, thank God. But that's because you're a comic. You have opportunities. Yeah. Yeah, true. But it's like you're not their responsibility anymore. Yes. You know what I mean? They can still, like, if they're single, they can still call you up, you know, in the middle of the night. Get mad at you. Still get mad about things. Like, still, let's talk about this again. Once you're dating someone else, you're like, all right. Yeah. You're someone else's problem, man. The best is when they have a kid with someone else. You're like, yes! Mm-hmm. It's over, baby! Yeah, never have to talk to you again. Woo! I'm free. Yeah. It's interesting, man. It's an interesting thing when you decide to touch naked bodies with a person, right? You, like, create this bond by doing things with your bodies and spending time together. And then you separate. But you're always going to have this, yeah, but I used to touch naked bodies with her. Mm-hmm. You know, yeah, we used to get together and we used to do things together. We don't do it anymore. But I did it. I did it back in the day. I got her naked and we got naked together. Yeah, yeah, it's history. Yeah, it's history. It's weird, you know? Yeah, yeah. She'll never forget. I won't either. We touched each other. Yeah. I like the idea of, like, relationships. Looking back fondly on relationships. Yeah. I never felt like, oh, I wasted my time. The people that I've dated that I'm like probably shouldn't have done that. But for the most part, I try to have good feelings about it. You don't want to hate, like, a period of your life. No, it's pointless. But there's lessons learned. Those ones that I've had that were like, ugh. That's how you know, like, when you date someone and it's cool. When they're good, you get it. Like, I dated this girl a long, long time ago who's super negative, just super negative all the time. And then I dated this other girl right afterwards who was not negative at all. She was always laughing about stuff and joking around no matter what. Like, even if her car would get in an accident, she'd take a deep breath and go, whew. Well, that car's fucked up. And she would start laughing. And I was like, oh, there's different ways to handle things. Like, if you get stuck with your high school sweetheart and she's a pain in the ass forever, like, you never understand. Like, there are the exact same circumstances one person is going to handle it completely differently. And if you're with that person, it's going to be a totally different experience where it'll be a bonding experience versus them woe is me'ing for the next six months and bringing it back to, I can't even look at a Taurus because it reminds me of when I got in an accident. And Taurus hit my car. Like, fuck, that was a year ago. I like when people are together for a long time, they break up and then the guy gets married to the next woman he runs into. Instantly. Instantly. He just found the opposite of what he'd been dealing with and was just so over the moon about it. They had to marry her right away. That happened to a buddy of mine. He dated an actress. And then it was just brutal. Everything was career this, career that, it was about her career. He was trying to help her career. And then they broke up and he's like, I'm never getting married again. A month later, he's with this new chick and he's living with her two months later and then he's married six months later. I'm like, what happened? He goes, I realized it wasn't that I didn't want to be married. He goes, I just didn't want to be married to her. He goes, I realized, like, there's some people out there that I get along great with. And if you don't bail on a bad relationship, you don't know that there's, you can be, and you are going to be different. That's the other thing. Like, I'm different with different people. You're different with, like you react better to certain people and certain people's personalities, you jive better with them. You have more fun with them. It's more entertaining. And you get to like reintroduce yourself. The other person knows you for this like five year period of time. Maybe you were not your best. Yes. But you've already used all your tricks. If you give a girl diamond earrings, you can never give her diamond earrings again for as long as you live. That present is over for now. And then when you get to someone new, it's a clean slit. Right. You can impress them. Yeah, they haven't heard your fucking dumb stories already. You can be like, I'll listen to this. Well, I always tell guys, strive to be the person you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid. If you can be that person, that real person all the time, this is very difficult to do. But if you can be that person most of the time, if not all the time, you'll have a better life. Yes, I would agree with that. Yeah, but it's fun to try to impress people. It's fun when you meet someone. Boy, wait till they see how witty I am. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. For me, I'm like, I don't like when someone just into me just because they know who I am, you're a famous comedian, I'm like a little annoyed. But if they have no idea who I am, I'm also a little annoyed. You know, it's like, there should be perks to this. Yes. That I'm missing out on. Yeah. Did you not Google me? Yeah. Yeah, you're just not a comedy fan? What? Were you from another country? What's going on? Could you imagine dating someone who didn't like comedy? Anthony, I love you. You're amazing. But I don't like stand up. I mean, if it was someone who just didn't like stand up but thought I was great, I could handle it. Yeah. They didn't like stand up in general, but they like your material in particular. Like you.