Joe Rogan - Jake the Snake: Mexican Rattlesnakes and Komodo Dragons

Would you have to get a new snake? Was that your responsibility? We had a guy in Stamford, Connecticut. He was Charles Manson Revisited. This guy was a freak brother. Stamford, Connecticut is a weird place. Okay. He had a farm in town Connecticut. What? And they did not know that he had over a thousand snakes in that farm, on that building. And about 150 of them were poisonous. No, because he was collecting venom for different for different pharmaceutical companies. But I remember one time having to get a snake from it and he flew it to Omaha. And, you know, he'd been working with me for a couple of years. He said, Albert, man, we'll take care of you tonight, brother. He goes, what is it Jake? I'm like, I'm going to take you to the strip joint. He's like, that's not necessary. I'm like, I know it's not necessary, man. But hey, brother, let me take you out. So we get there, man. He's just kind of like sitting there in his head down towards the table looking at his beard. He hadn't drank much other. I'm like, I can't get this motherfucker going. You know? So they do. You pick her out. If she'll take a price, I'll pay for it. In other words, I'm going to buy him some pussy. He goes, oh no, Jake. Just go ahead and dig my snakes, man. Whoa. Excuse me. I just want to go back to the room and play with my snakes, man. Just come around like I like to do. I'm going to change rooms. Different floor. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. He was a real freak as a late man. Just into snakes. Is he still alive? Yeah, he is. He was in Florida when that bad hurricane hit down there. And he was working at a Gator farm and poisonous snake venom collection point. And they had like 800 snakes down there, right? So the hurricane hits and just fucking levels the place. Well, I'm calling for days trying to get a hold of him, see if he's all right. And finally get a hold of me. Dude, why are you so fucking happy? Because I haven't the best time of my life, man. This is fucking like God's made this especially for me. I'm like, what are you talking about? He goes, I get to find all those snakes. You get to find them. Let me think. You're going to dig through all that shit. All that shit and lift up stuff and stick your hand down in holes and shit to find these poisonous snakes. Yeah, it's cool. It's cool, isn't it? I'm like, fuck you, Albert. You're fucked up, man. What is it with Florida and snakes? Phew. Hi. He's in Connecticut, man. Whatever. I know, but he went to Florida. It's like it draws him there like a magnet. He was in Connecticut, man. And they asked him to go do anything for the boys club. You know, introduce them to snakes and blah, blah, blah. It'd be great. You know, for the eight to 12 year olds. So he gets in there and he's talking to him about this Mexican rattler. Now, first thing you know about snakes is this. They can be poisonous in a poisonous snakes. Children. What happens there? They're not healthy. They will hurt you. They can kill you. Yes, that's right. So that's why you should always keep your. Oh, oh, oh my God. Hold on. Okay. Look, he's accidentally bit me. You know, I've been bitten now. So I do what I'm going to do. Somebody call 911. We're going to I'm just going to explain to you what I'm feeling right now. So if you ever get bitten, you'll know what you're going to expect to feel after you've been bitten. Was he talking with these? No, no, they're fucking biting. He's been bitten, man. Yeah, he's fucked. And he knows that he's fucked because here's the thing about Mexican rattlesnakes. Not many of those in Connecticut. So you don't have any anti-bism do you? Oh, Jesus. No, they got to fly it in from fucking to Atlanta or wherever. So by the time they get that shit up there, I mean, he's fucked up. They wound up in the cut all the meat off one of his bones on his finger. So you got like this gnarly. So he had a necropsy, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've seen a video or a website rather detailing this kid who got bit in the arm and then they had to get him somewhere to safety. But it took hours that medvac them in the helicopter, his whole arm rotted away down to the bone. So they had to take meat from his legs. Get it off. Yeah. Yeah. And put, you know, they had to do skin grafts all over. I think he went through like 16 operations. He was awful. They had to stitch them all together, like pull the meat of his arm together and stitch it all together. I mean, there's a giant 10 to 12 inch patch of his arm was gone. Yeah. It's the really cool looking thing that it does is it, it causes all the small capillaries in your eyes to burst. So your eyes are like blood red, except they're bumpy. You know, like he would close his eyes and I run my finger over his eyelid and he'd just feel all these little bumps and crevices. And that's weird. How long did it take for him to recover? He's in the hospital for a couple of weeks, man. He was in a, he had to put him in a coma for like six days. Oh Jesus Christ. But he thought, that's so cool. Does he, does he have a tolerance to regular venom? Because I know a lot of those guys. He's building a tolerance to different ones. Yeah. They make themselves get bit. Yeah. Cobra, I think he's pretty much clean on that. This guy sounds like he's going to end up being a super villain of some kind. He could be, man. Cause I swear to God, he is Charles Manson. Wow. He looks like Charles Manson. He looks weird. Like when he smiles, it's like, dude, that is not healthy. You know, he's, you know, oh fuck man. Wow. He's a true man. Well, imagine what this guy would be like without snakes. Thank God snakes exist. Well, you know, they, uh, steamboat, you know, come up with a Komodo dragon thing, you know, to, to combat the snake back in the day. I don't know if you remember. So of course that's who Albert, Albert was the guy with the Komodo dragons. So he, he had some pot that he was growing up in the mountains and he took one of the dragons with him to get it out in the sunlight. So they put it in this fucking station wagon and they go up in the mountains and they had to walk to their place where they get the stuff growing. So they close the car door up and leave the window down about that much and take off, come back windows busted. Oh Jesus. There's these horrible teeth marks on all of it where this fucking Komodo dragon had been chewing his way out of this shit. He was in a wooden cage. He chewed his way out of the wooden cage, but he got out, man, took off. And I guess it was about two months later, man, I was like in Indianapolis and waking up and listening to the news and ESPN's owner like, what was thought to be a prehistoric monster was found running across the backyard of miss Gibbets house chasing her poor little poodle. When we get back, see our monster. Wow. They come back and I'm sitting there going, what the fuck? Thought to be prehistoric. I see this shit in the fucking thing comes back up. That's fucking Albert's fucking thing, man. It's the thing that escaped two months later. Yeah. It gained like 35 pounds. Oh, Jesus. Everybody's dogs and cats and neighborhood, man. Probably a couple of kids to who that is such a ruthless animal. You know, those things are so ruthless that the little baby Komodo dragon is mere shit on themselves. So that the grownups don't eat them so that their parents don't eat them. They roll around in shit so that their parents don't eat them because when Komodo dragons are eating intestines, they shake the shit out of intestines. They don't like to eat shit as weird as that is. See, that's just bad attitude. I thought I had a problem with cocaine. Imagine that they eat their fucking kids. So the kids know this. So they somehow or another like no to smear themselves and shit. I've learned pretty quick. Yeah. You see your sister get chewed up. Right. I see them avoid shit, but eat your sister. You're like, that shit is salvation. Wow. Some good shit. It again, 30 pounds. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. Let it loose in Florida. They won't even notice. Fuck no. I don't know. I don't know everything else they got down there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That Florida Everglades is so clever with pythons, man. So so bad that they're eating alligators. They did this study. They found that they they couldn't find any raccoons. They couldn't find any swamp rabbits or marsh hairs. I guess they call them. Yeah. Everything got killed by Python. So then the pythons moved on to alligators. Yeah. Alligators. They don't fuck around, man. I've got a picture of an anaconda swallowing an 800 pound horse. What? It's got the head and the front legs already chewed up inside. Where's this picture? You know, I needed it. I'll get to you. I need that. It's fucking gross shit. See if you can find that. Jamie, of course, his body is like this big with his back. You probably can't pull it up. Oh, Jamie, he's coming at you hard. And with it, I bet in all your years, you never thought Jake the snake would be roasting you live on the Internet. Believe that and nail receive back injury and nailing a pull it up reference. Yeah. Got you, bro. I'm not just a short face and a pretty dick. Short dick and a pretty face. That's it.