Joe Rogan - Jake "The Snake" Roberts on Unleashing a Cobra on Macho Man

There's a cobra there. And the viewers don't know that at all, especially when you're a little boy watching it. I mean, the Saturday morning that you sicked it on Macho Man Randy Savage affected an entire generation. That was the best nut I've ever got. I own. There's no doubt. I mean, it affected me so deeply as a kid. To this day, if I'm ever laying around with a girl and I'm having a little problem in the Woodski Department, you know, it happens at 63. You put that on. You know, and I put the video on. And instantly I'm kicking her ass, man. Really? Oh, brother. That gets you hard, a snake? Damn straight, man. Why? Holy shit. Watch me. Watch it right there. I mean, that was, this was literally the ultimate bad guy putting a snake on a good guy. I mean, look at the look on that kid's face in the corner. Oh, I know it's great. That's the best part. Looks like somebody just shoved a finger up his ass or something. That kid is ready to have a goddamn heart attack. I bet you have a heart rate monitor on him. He'd be like 180 beats per minute. I had a conversation with one of my good friends, Pete. You know, Pete, when he saw this, you have a good friend. Well, that's the first quick question I want to ask. But check out, this is the kind of quality friend I have. It's a weed dealer. When he saw this, when he saw this as a kid, all on the same day that I saw it, he ran away from home. It freaked him out so badly when you put this snake on Macho Man's arm. He packed it. He didn't even have anywhere to go. He ended up coming home later that night after it got cold. He packed a bag and just left. How old was he? Oh, jeez. I mean, I got it. Probably, probably, probably, I would guess, you know, 11, 12, something like that. 300 kids are raped that day because Jake, right? OK. Oh, no. Let me tell you the real story on this whole fucking thing. Love that. Yeah. You want to hear this joke? Yes. All right. Here's how it really went down. Woo. All right. I've been waiting 30 years for this. I've got to go. I'm done with the python because that motherfucker's telling me the truth is killing me. You know, weighed 100 pounds, and then he would bite me, and then it would be 30, 40 stitches. That was 30 something stitches there on that. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God. You got the vein. You know what's really weird? Oh, man. Is the snake actually committed suicide that night? Look at that shit. It's cool, isn't it? I mean, Macho Man just handles it. Oh, look at that. Look at that. You get a better bite. He's a tough motherfucker for just getting away. Watch. You're doing a great job, dude. He's like, fuck you. Look at that thing sinking its fucking teeth into him. And then at the end, a little stream of blood comes through, and that was the final... There we go. Oh, my God. I'm trying to get him loose. I'm trying... I couldn't get him loose. Oh, my God. I struggled to get him off. Oh, the blood. Finally, I had to pry his mouth open to get him off. And by the way, this is on a Saturday morning. So it's this. You flip the channel. It's little old school cartoons that weren't even, like, entertaining. You know what I mean? And then there's this chaos on another channel. And it's so obviously real. Oh, yeah. It's so obviously... See, Piper's terrified of snakes. Well, if he wasn't before... Piper pulled a gun on me one time over a snake, man. Really? Yeah, yeah. What happened? I snuck up behind him with a snake, and he fucking... He heard me. He's just jacking on me. Yeah, he goes, I know what you're fucking doing. And he dove and got his fucking pistol and pulled it right. Motherfucker, I'll kill you. I'm like, OK, Roddy, I get it. I get it. I get it. The guy was shaking, man. Jesus. That's a real thing, man. Here's the story. Here's the story. I'm in the locker room behaving myself. Not minding a soul. In fact, I believe I was cleaning the washcloth, you know, blackboards off, and I was making it nice for everybody. And Macho walks in. He's like, all right, brother. We're going to do it tonight. I guess, oh, this is the story of fucking going around. We're going to get down and do it. Yeah, dude, sounds great. He's like, we're going to take care of a little business first. What about the snake? Yeah. Has he been fixed or not? Fixed? You mean poisonous? He goes, yeah, that might be the fucking brother, Matt. I'm like, Randy, of course he's been fixed. He goes, maybe he has and maybe he hasn't. Stranger things have happened in the WWE. Somebody wants the Macho Man's Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship title. It's just you and him. Put a poisonous snake on him and the fucking rest is history. Macho's dead. Snake's the champ. I'm like, dude, are you fucking? Jake, I'm just telling you this. He has to bite you now. Wow. I'm like, what? He goes, if that, we got to go at it right now, me and you. And he's up in my fucking face with his fist. I'm like, fuck, man, what the fuck is wrong with you? Don't play no fucking games, Jake. Get the fucking snake out. So I got the snake out, man. I'm like, you fucking psychotic motherfucker. I'm like, any special place you wanted to bite me, like my dick, well, he's like, anywhere's good. How about the leg? I'm like, fine. So I got the cobra out and I pulled my pant leg up, shimmed him a little bit and stuck my leg up there and he fucking bit me. Three, four seconds, let's go. Macho's like, don't fucking move. Don't take no elitures. Don't take no anodos. Don't take no pills. Don't take no fucking pedicure or your hand bullshit. Just fucking sit there. I want to see the poison go through your body. That's a great Macho man. Are you fucking kidding me, man? Finally, after about 10 minutes, he's like, I guess you're going to be OK. I'm sorry I didn't fucking make you happy. I could have died. If I don't know you want me to die, I'll die. He's like, no game. But tonight, brother, give me a fever. Once the snake lets go of me, bring him back. I may want you to hook him back up again because I want this idea to fucking make us boast some fucking big money. Yeah, can you dig it? Dig it. All right, we're out of here. I said, all right, motherfucker, you wait. I was pissed, man, because it's one thing to get bit in the heat of a moment. But to sit there and fucking cold, have to hike your fucking pant legs up and let a fucking snake chew on you to make a motherfucker happy, come on, give me a break. We're asking a lot. If all those people were there, it probably would feel less. It wouldn't hurt. It wouldn't hurt. I wouldn't have felt anything. But to sit there in the locker room cold, really? No bloods pumping, other soul. I remember during the match, we did a match, and boom, boom, boom, boom comes time. Tie him in the ropes, get the snake out. OK, let's make sure he's a little unhappy. And so I turned my back to macho, man, he doesn't see me. And I fucking paint brushed the hell out of this fucking snake. I pounded that motherfucker. When I hit him that second time, his fucking mouth flew up in brother, and he's looking for anything to fucking bite us. Ah! You know? And I just went, whoa! And took him to macho, man, and boom, he latched on. And he's chewing. He's chewing. Macho's doing a great job. He's like, fuck you, good damn motherfucker. Wow, Randy, you look so believable. God damn. You know? And he's going, fuck your nuts. What did they do to the snake? Remove the poison glands? They removed the venom sacs, yeah. So there's no venom in its body at all? No, damn it. They even replaced it with fucking stuff. They used for bling plants, man. Saline. Silicone? Saline? Silicone. Oh. Yeah. Saline's are better, too. So they just cut them out? It's just like an operation or something? They cut them out and fill them with silicone, man, so they can't regrow them. Oh, wow. Wow. So they can't, otherwise they would regrow them? Yeah. What a creepy fucking animal, huh? Wow. Frightening. Especially as a kid. And that did shoot you guys up a big level. It did. Oh, yeah. I couldn't. Man, what year is this? What are we talking about? 91. Wow. Yeah, it fucking rocked the world, bro. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, for a little kid to watch a real snake, an actual cobra. I couldn't get laid for months, man. Really? Yeah. I don't have fucking snakes in your room. You're not fucking lying to me. Oh, come on, baby. Wow. Please, baby. You know. Oh, fuck. And you really did have the snake in your room. Yeah, of course he was in the room. Bathtub. Usually in the bathtub, playing in the water. Oh, wow. Which, now, you want us to like 4 o'clock in the morning for a fucking junkie to walk in the bathroom. Now, I'm paranoid as a motherfucker anyway, because I'm fucking on all this shit. And now I got to look down at a 15-foot snake that's fucking got his mouth open looking at my fucking little dick. Are you serious? I'm not pissing. What do you mean I got to take a shit? No, not anymore. So I go in the other room, I piss in a fucking bottle. Oops, I missed. What the fuck? Just pissing off the floor. Wow. Yeah. Don't walk in my room barefooted. I got a little squish squish. What did you feed it? I didn't. You didn't? That's why he only out there for 10 days, so. So how often do they eat? One's every six weeks or so. Oh, really?