#2066 - Ralph Barbosa

What's up man? We're all part Bosa on the way up. What's happening? Hey, it's good to be here. Good to have you, man. I hear good things about you. I was just talking to Brian Simpson about you today. I'm a huge Brian Simpson fan. I love that dude. We were working out today and he was saying great things about you. No offense to Brian Simpson, but he works out. I never thought I'd hear it like that, didn't it? He does now. I, hell yeah. He's been working out with me for three weeks now. I got like a little comedy boot camp going on over here. Yeah. Shane Gillis, Duncan Trussell, Hassan Ahmad, Brian Simpson, and me, we get together and get some workouts in. All those guys are living down here? Yeah, they're all living down here. That's dope, man. Yeah, that's dope. Austin's dope right now. Oh yeah. That's a great spot. I popped in here yesterday to Austin. And I feel like I didn't used to be able to do this, but yeah, it was dope, man. I got to go do a spot at the creek and then I got to go to your spot, got to do the little boy. Nice. Yeah, it's been dope man. Yeah, it's fun. Austin's like it's a new thing. It's like an exciting thing. Yeah, you know, you know, you used to be like before COVID, Austin was as far as Texas goes, Austin was like the place to go if you were too scared to like go to New York LA people were like just go to Austin You know it stayed busy, but it was also like very woke and so you had to be like real careful And now it's like not just yes, I like that. Yeah, it's a bug wow Yeah, well, you know what it is. It's Killtony kill Tony's because kill Tony's here that show it sets the standard Because it's all just about being funny. And people realize this idea that you're supposed to have like some sort of fucking social message in your comedy. Yeah, I also think it's just a lot of Californians and New Yorkers as well. [2:02] Cause like everybody started moving down here to be able to actually be on stage from New York or LA during COVID and yeah I feel like when they got here they were like you know be careful but everybody from California, York was just like no well it depends on where you're from you know I mean there's there's pockets of people that are like enchanted by the wokeness in all all sections of the country. Depends. If you're coming from the commy store, it's just about being funny. But if you're coming from some of the other clubs in LA, maybe it's not. It's Hollywood, man. It's movies and TV. They're all run by executives and you have to think like they think or you don't get hired. Well, I think another reason that it got so book wild those because during COVID, if you were coming here, it's because you are already like, man, fuck the fucking COVID rules, you know what I mean? If you're really that safe person, you're probably also that like woke comedian. So I feel like those people stayed back [3:01] or everybody who was ready to give book wild came down to book wild town about book wild. I think you I think you nailed it. Yeah. I think you nailed it because the people that came here like fuck this like fuck telling me that I can't do stand up. Fuck telling me I can't go to a restaurant. Yeah. Especially when you go on the road and you realize that if you just live in LA and you never leave LA you think the world is LA and then you go to Nashville and you go, oh, they haven't lost their mind. Yeah. They didn't lose their mind in Nashville. They were normal. Like you go to Dallas. They didn't lose their mind in Dallas. People kind of got a little freaked out for COVID for a couple of weeks and everybody sort of just settled in. California never settled in, man. It never settled in. It's still there. I've been seeing people in my son this week. I See that a lot too. I remember when like when I came down to Austin a few times during COVID to a lot of the comics from like LA You were like Jesus Christ Like they were they were like waiting on you to like ride with your club I was like you guys are putting too much pressure on Joe Rogan, man. It's a lot of pressure, bro. Because I think it's not all LA comics, but there were a few that maybe felt like the Austin [4:09] comics weren't showing love to the LA comics. They were like, man, they put us last on the mics. They don't book us on the shows. LA comics got to do our own thing. He's like, but they were like, just wait, man. I heard a couple guys say this they were like just wait man. When Joe opens up his club, it's over. Like we'll be back on top, but I feel like you brought everybody together, man. Yeah, it's about everybody should be together. This is a fun artist community and it should be fun for everybody. There's no us versus them. Shut up. We're all comics. It's the still with the silliness, the Austin comic, LA comic, I think it was only for a little bit, they're in COVID when everybody's just rushing in. Everybody was freaking out just about change in the world. Like there was a lot of weird shit going on in the world and everybody had a higher level of anxiety and to take a chance when you're young and you're coming up and everybody tells you LA is where you have to be. [5:02] Are you a 27, 28 year old comic? Oh my God, you gotta get to LA. That's what I always heard. You gotta get to LA, you gotta get to LA. Yeah. It's not the case anymore. That's not real anymore. The thing that helps you more than anything is podcasts. That's the thing that helps you more than anything. Yeah. Number one, social media podcasts. You know? Those are like, look how big you got so quick from a couple clips. It's just a couple clips. Like you know it as well as anybody. If you've got good shit, now it gets out. Like there is not a TV show in the world that would have done that for you. You would have had to be the star, like if you were living in the 90s, you would have to be the star of some NBC sitcom to sell the kind of tickets. You're selling right now just from clips online. It's beautiful for for comedians. It's the greatest thing that's ever happened. I feel like it's letting people decide who gets to blow up. You know what I mean? [6:01] Like, I feel I don't know what it used to be like because I wasn't there, but I feel like it used to be the industry kind of decides when you get your break or not Like do they put you on this level? But stand up was always at least partially been a meritocracy You know, but stand up the quality of your stand up is the most important thing when they're not people laughing That's the most important it'sup is the most important thing. When they're not people who are laughing, that's the most important thing. It's always been the most important thing. So if someone is undeniable, they always come through. They always come through. But they also have to be a hard worker. You gotta actually put it, there's too many guys that are really good that just go to one club or they go, you know, they don't go on the road. There's too many guys that like, they missed this window of opportunity where they could have been like real national headliners and they just never developed a following out there in the world. I fucked up. 100%. I know a handful of comics like Back Home or in New York or LA, [7:01] who I feel like are some of the funniest people in the world and don't have a lick of work ethic. So the world will never know. It's horrible. But it's not the work ethic. Some of them get jobs like in the business like their writers or like Owen Smith who is one of the top 20 stand-up comics alive. Owen Smith is a fucking killer. His shit is so tight. his, he's so smooth on stick. You look at him, you're like, how is this guy not selling out arenas? How's this guy not selling out arenas? It's because Owen had, they're great jobs. You got a bunch of great jobs. He runs sitcoms and stuff, runs shows, he's a writer. But god damn, when you look at the like the quality of a standup like man You should be everywhere you should be everywhere. I mean teach their own if he's happy he's happy, right? Yeah, I think you the writer strike probably freaked him out I think the writer strike and the actor strike freaked a lot of those guys out they're like oh shit Like because if they just pulled a plug for five six months in some sort of contract negotiations. [8:05] Like some of those executives were literally saying, wait these people out when they start losing their homes. They were coming out. Yeah, that's some cutthroat shit. That's wild. Imagine if you got to go to work with those people after that. Imagine you know that's how they feel about you. I couldn't do that. I couldn't, I mean, I already didn't go that route. And I don't know if I could ever go that route. You could have gone that route in the 90s. In the 90s? There was the only option man. And the 90s, when I first came to Hollywood in 94, that was what everybody wanted. You wanted what Jerry Seinfeld had. You wanted what Rose Zan had. It was Brett Butler, who was, what was that show called again? Grace Underfire that was a big show Tim Allen you wanted to be a comic that got a sitcom That was the shit dude if you were a comic that got a sitcom now you got a house in Beverly Hills You're fucking bonnet of control you're driving a Ferrari whoa you made it. That's everybody wanted This was like the goal right yeah and somewhere along the line [9:03] I think it was like the 2000s Reality shows came around everybody wanted to reality show they're too cheap. They're so cheap to make They're so cheap to make and you don't I mean you have like you barely pay the people at a random like all those real housewives You should they're not like making millions at all or long think I think there are I don't know I don't know I'd like to know. I'd like to know just like to talk shit to them. This is the new bro. I think like maybe the new ones do. Like they could, obviously the Kardashians make a shitload of money. But I think they own their show. But what about like, the point is like they're way easier to make Wait, he's like fear factor was you know was complicated in the stunts and all the stuff they had to do But you don't have to write a script and like all that stuff like plays out on its own It's like people competing plays out on the drama just happens and you have good editing good music and all that shit But a sick comment and write a good one [010:00] Well, that shit is brutal. Yeah props to to writers, man. Props to writers. I don't know. I don't know. TV in general just kind of scares me. Acting, writing. I don't know. You're just so attached to other people's opinions of you. Like you're constantly getting chosen. Yeah. I feel like even though I've never done that, I do get tired of comments. Like I know they say never read the comments, but I don't read them. But it'll be like the like I could take a joke, I could take getting roasted, especially with people who follow me. It kind of feels like, oh well, I mean they follow it some sort of support. It feels like you're getting roasted by like your cousin. Right. I still on my team fucking, but the ones that like pissed me off, like, I don't know why they shouldn't, but they just throw me over there. Like, I want to fucking hit this guy in the face. Is like, if I just left, like, let's say I did Miami last month and then I, or like two weeks ago, and then I post like a flyer for next show's month, [011:00] like next month's shows and people are like, what the fuck, you avoiding Miami? I'm like, hey, dumbass, just there, like two weeks ago, like when you start following me as well, like stop making me look like I don't show you city love. Like you can't pay attention to that. That's just someone who doesn't look as casual. I hate it. Yeah, but that's like just, that's a crazy person. That's a lack of information. Yeah, but I don't know why I just bugged. I stopped checking social media. I'll check it like once throughout the day. And if I happen to catch your message or your comment, I catch it if not, fuck it like tomorrow. You know what it's like, man? It's like when you're out at like a party or club or someone of that and someone yells across the room. Yo, what's up, Ralph? Oh yeah. You know, when you're like, hey, what's up, man? He goes, dude, I'm a fan. What's up? How you doing? Then he'll give you some love. But it's like checking you to see if you'll like, react to him. Bro, somebody. That's kind of like what they're doing in the comments. Somebody else. But you I already pretty drunk and I was tripping off mushrooms man. And I was like in a playful mood. [012:06] I can't help it. And some guy stopped me while I was walking out of the club. And he was like, yo Ralph. And I don't know why my first reaction, the instantly was just to be like, yo Rodrigo. And I didn't know who he was enough that I just like, uh, like we're guessing people's names now. And he just like, he went blank face. He's like, what? And I was like, I'm fucking with you man. I was like, what's his name? And he was like, like Eric or something. I was like, your Eric. And then I was like, nice to meet you bro. And I was like, my bad, man, I just walked off. And when we were outside, man, it was like snowy icy. We're outside and some that same that's pretty sure was that same dude He was like hey Ralph. He's like man, you pussy bro, and I was like I was like what's up? I was like, what's your deal bro? What's going on? I had a feeling like he was he was because you're still real smiley I had a feeling he was just fucking or something. I was like, what's up man? What's your deal? He's like what? I was like, what's up bro, what's your deal? He's like, what's my deal? And I felt so cool because I was smoking a cigarette. [013:06] I was like, what you want to do bro? And my friend Luis was really drunk. That did just lust to fight. Luis was, Luis pointed at my buddy Vince, who's like the nerdyest guy in the world. He's a writer for that show this fool. Super nerdy guy with glasses. He's like, you see this guy bro? He knows MMA. He doesn't though. I don't think Vince has ever been in a fight. That dude was like, I'm fucking with you man. I'm sorry, boss fight. But I was just kind of waiting for him to come at me. I usually, if I get into a fight, I'm gonna get the first hit. I'm a small dude. I'm not gonna risk getting I'm fucking swinging first. I'm gonna lose either way most likely But I'm at least start swinging first before you knock me But I wanted him to come to me because it was so snowy and icy as like if I start walking and I fucking slip I was like I need I want him to risk slipping first before I risk slipping Yeah, ice fighting is not smart Yeah, it was the day before the Netflix special came out So I like, I'm not gonna have a video of me getting knocked out in the ice, come out. [014:06] Not before the special. You have to know Jiu Jitsu if you're gonna fight in the ice. 100%. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're fighting someone on a slippery surface, all you have to do is grab them and you're both going to the ground. All right, keep that in mind. Yeah, but don't fight don't fight man. Don't fight with my He just talking about this don't fight Ralph. You're a wild young kid. Don't do it. You got a great career Don't fight don't be fighting people if you want to fight go to a gym I went to a boxing gym for a little bit and earlier this year. I went for like two months. That'd be good for you Yeah, I liked it. I want to do something different though. Boxing is one of the very best things ever for relieving tension. Like if you fucking tense, you just like you got too much going on in your world. Man, you just put on some good tunes. I have a Wu Tang playlist. [015:01] I bet I play when I hit the bag. I would go like early, like early in the morning for like private sessions. And that's what I would put on some Wu-Ting, some Rizza. Rizza specifically has that one song that like, you can't stop me now. Yeah. It's like a boxing classic. Rizza's got so many jams. But for me, number one is protect your neck that has to be on every playlist. And that's like when we would drive, we would drive to the arena shows. And we sometimes get a police escort. And there's something wild about cop cars with flashing lights and you're listening to protect your neck. Nice. We've never had a police escort. Well, one time in a parking parking lot I had a security guard escort They have like the yellow lights. Those aren't as threatening. We're as fun the yellow lights. No, that's not fun It was also like a like a shopping center parking lot It's not exactly an arena, but dude some of the best comedy clubs ever and those little shopping center mall places [016:04] Yeah little fucking Clubs that you would never imagine were great, you know the funny bones. Yeah, man Shit, there's some I never been that one that's at the mall of America, but I heard that's dope too That was like the first club. I got to do like when I started hitting the road that was like Like when I started hitting the road that was like Or second club. I don't know it was like November like early November Are you from Dallas or from Dallas? So like Minnesota winter is a different thing man. Oh, I loved it I love the cold. I'm tired of the heat. Yeah, I'm so sick of the heat. Oh, that's funny I had I finally had a reason to wear a jacket like see I grew up in Boston also you're used to the cold as fucking Boston and I'm like fuck the cold you can heat me up that doesn't bother me at all I know people die in the cold people dying their car in the cold yeah yeah in the heat all you have to do is get in the shade [017:02] get water don't be stupid, being reasonably good shape, and you can get away with it. If you're like woods and you have water, if it's a cold, but I'm fucked. But I love it, man, I'm skinny. I just layer up, we're like two, three jackets. Well, that's great. It's as long as there's a place to get warm. That's the thing. You can't survive unless you can get warm. That's the difference. Everybody's worried about global warming. Global cooling is what freaks me out. Ice age is freak me out. When Texas froze a couple of years ago, I was, I was somebody, I think I was watching like a video on Instagram, somebody was just like, if a climate change, like keeps getting worse, that will happen, but like for longer periods of time, or for colder temperatures. If that's true, then yeah, I'm pretty scared. Bro, that's all guess work. Everyone's guessing. Yeah, there's definitely an impact. It's undeniable that human beings have an impact. But here's the problem. [018:02] The climate is never the same. It's never steady, forever. If you go back to like 1934, I think it was Wyoming got to like 118 degrees. Holy shit. Yeah, something crazy like that. And I don't remember where I saw this. I guess that's why the call in climate change. Because of the dust bowl. The dust bowl. What was that? I always hear about that. Climate change. The dust bowl. This bad file is like a lot of, I mean this is not exactly what it was, but a lot of it's a bad farming and drought. It caused a bunch of bad crops. So they all turned to like shit, they turned a dust, and they created giant dust storms all over the like western part of the country. And that heated things up? It led to a bunch of shit in the air that caused problems with the storms and the sun, and I definitely did heat things up. I bet they got the world's ending right then and there. That's wild. But anyway, the point is, if you go back in time, you know, when they do what they do these things called core samples. So they take this giant slab of the earth, [019:05] you know, hundreds of feet down. And through that, you can, you know what, they do carbon testing. And so they know like this is from a thousand years ago, this from two thousand years ago. When they, when they do that, it's all over the place, man. When they have these charts of the temperature of the earth throughout history, have you ever seen them? They go like this all over the place, but even before people, like it's always been wacky. I'm learning a lot, man. Learning about Hollywood in the 90s and climate change. Bro, I'm here to teach. That's what I mean. This is such a one-sided podcast, man. It's not even fair. No, it's not. Come on, man. It's not. I was thinking about that on the way over here. It's a conversation, but it is. But like, do you realize how like, this is like, bro, it's not even fair, bro. I have everything to gain here. Like me, I'm 27, right? Right. And you know, you're Joe Rogan, you got the experience, you got the podcast, you got all this knowledge in the world of comedy business. [020:05] If I just listen, I'm gonna learn some shit today. But you, you gotta talk to like a 27, you're like, what do you even talk about? Like everything we've talked about, I'm learning. This is my first time. I love what you're doing right now. I really do. I love comics on the rise. It's exciting to me. Comedy's fun. I love comedy. I love good comics and I love when people get better at shit. And I love watching it. I really do. I love watching people crack. It's fun. I love it. Definitely trying to get better. You're fucking great, man. You're funny as shit. You're cool. You're relaxed. You're smooth on stage. You've got a lot going for you man and I love it. Sometimes I won't be smooth on stage. Sometimes I'll, sometimes I'll have a burst of energy and I'll let it out and I have fun that way and I could tell some of the audience is like, Ah, this is fun and some of them think I'm on drugs because they've never seen that. They're like, he's coked out. I'm not a coke guy though. I want people to know that. If you ever see me on stage and I'm not like super mellow and I'm actually energetic, just know it's not drugs. Mushrooms maybe, not anything else though. [021:09] Yeah, I don't know a few guys who had problems with coke, who did coke and then did stand up and they said it fucked their stand up up. Yeah, I bet. So I'm sober on stage like 98% of the time. Yeah, you're smoother that way. Yeah, I like a drink. I like a drink every now and again. A little puff and a drink. Sometimes you need that just to kind of lose like. Just to get in the fun mood. Just we're having fun, you know? Yeah, for sure. Sometimes you might be a little stressed depending on what's going on in your day or your week and you need like a shot, a couple hits to like take that off a little bit. Just take that edge off and just say, come on Ralph, enjoy this shit, you're on a fun ride. Let's go. I just, I try to chill sometimes just because I know that if I do start drinking, I'm not gonna stop. Like I'm not like a few beers in the night. I might, if I have two shows, I might drink a beer or two before the second show. I might drink another couple beers on the stage. [022:07] But I'm also like, when I'm on, like the West Coast, from Texas to the West, my audiences are like 100% Mexican. Like there's no type of mix. And if you drink in front of an all-Mexican crowd, they're just gonna keep like, chug, chug, chug. Right, and there's no satisfying them like They give you like I learned my lesson if you took one you'll have to check another if you check the next one You like you'll be in one of the throw up on stage like more dudes gonna bring you bears. Yeah Yeah, so like so I won't drink on stage if I do I'll let them know like I'm not fucking you're not doing this to me Yeah, they could take you down the rabbit, But after the show, if I already started drinking after the shock, I'll keep it going. Mitzies is a fun place to be after the shows. Where? Mitzies, the bar downstairs, the mothership. Oh yeah. Tonight after the shows we're going downstairs. All right, all right. We're going, it's great. Whole staff's partying. Mitzies hanging It's a great vibe. It's a real great sense of community and home. [023:06] You know, that it's a real home base. You know? You need home bases when you're on the road a lot. I do. I think you do too. Keep you human. That's what we used to have at the store. It was a home base. All these guys that were touring the weekends, we'd all meet each other at the bar, at the bar downstairs. It was a comedian's only bar. It was this beautiful bar. And the bar itself was Mitzies. It was from her home. And then they moved it. When she moved out of her home, they moved it. And they put it in this one. So you knew it was like, you're holding on to Mitzies bar. This is hers. You know, this is her bar. Like you feel her bar when you put your hand down when you have a drink. You set it down on Missy's bar. There was something about that man. And then we were, you know, Ron White's back there and fucking Dave Sheepells back there. Dave brings his own music sometimes. It's crazy. It's beautiful. Fucking love that. Beautiful. It's just a hang man. And so that's what we always got the best music. I always have shazam on point when Dave has set up. [024:07] So I tap the back of my phone three times. And shazam pops up. I just have it on the little pull down menu or whatever. I don't know what you call it. I want to show you my messages. I got a new case. It's a little thick. I might have fucked up my tapping. It was like the sweetest thing. I could tap three times, boom, boom, boom. You're gonna have to work out your hands more. The C-SHA Zam comes up. Oh yeah. Yeah, I gotta get better finger strength. I gotta get better. You're tired of me, buddy. Gotta work on my piano skills. I had imagined piano players, man. That kind of dexterity in your fingers. That piano and guitar or anything you could do with your fingers like that. That's some wild dexterity that I love. There's Instagram videos. I got a trick for that. There's no need for dexterity these days. Oh yeah. I mean, if you're gonna play like a full-on song, then yeah, you need dexterity and actual piano lessons. But if you're the type of guy like me who just every now and then comes across a piano, [025:01] you want to impress people. Right. There's these Instagram videos that have like four keys tops. And if you play like the keys the way they tell you, it's a simple little pattern, but it sounds like you're doing a bunch. It sounds like you have the austerity. Mm. I just like to trick people. I have no real skills. It just, Well that's a skill. You just have a very small skill. Yeah, you're playing pool earlier with Jake You can make a ball, right? That's a skill. You're just not a professional pool player. Yeah, that's the difference. I know enough to get by Yeah, you have that I'm like Leo on catch me if you can I'll get by I guess of money, but It won't be a real career here Well, you know, that's one of the beautiful things about anything. Like you learn and then you realize how much more there is to learn. Like I remember when I first started doing standup, you know, all you're trying to do is just get a laugh. Just all you're trying to do is like figure out how to not drown up there. And slowly but surely try to find things [026:01] that you think are funny., that make you, but you're getting better, over time for sure, everybody gets better, all of us get better. For sure. And there's something about that that's fucking cool, and it seems to never end, man. That's what I love about stand up. I've always loved to learn. I've had various jobs just for the sake of learning that specific little trade, but stand up was the first thing that I was like, man, this is never ending. Like I'm never going to finish learning. I'm never going to finish getting as good as I want to get. So that's the one that I really stuck to. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing too because you get this amazing feedback from all these people and you make them feel better. Like when people leave a great show, they have this fucking smile on their face like, oh shit, that was great. That was so fun. Yeah. That was so fun. So sometimes girls want to have sex with you after. That's crazy. Yeah. You bring in joy. Yeah. You just bring in joy to all these people. But you're getting better at it too. Dom Arrero said that to me once. And Dom at the time was in his 60s. And he's like, Joe, I don't think I've ever been sharper. He goes like, all these sets at the store, [027:06] he goes, I feel like the standup is an amazing thing because you could just keep getting better at it. I'm motivated to do more of it, whether I kill or I bomb. Cause if I bomb, I'm like, oh, when I have to fix that. Have you seen Ron White lately? Ron White's sober now. He doesn't drink anymore. Better than ever. Yeah. Better than ever. You see, that's why I want to stay sober. Murderin, murderin. I mean murderin. Ron White's a fucking assassin. And he's like never been sharper. New bits always working on new shit, constantly rolling out new material. He's going on tour again. He's going to have a retirement party. I'm like, bitch, you ain't retiring. I don't think you could retire with stand up. I think I think, I mean, what do I know? But he was saying that he was just gonna do the club. I'll just do the mother ship. I'm like, yeah, for a while you're just gonna do the mother ship, but you're gonna get to it. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what's, type of game where you could try to retire. [028:05] You could try to take breaks. But man, there's no finishing this. Too fun. Yeah. There's just no way to finish. And you're doing it with people that are like you. Yeah. Like where are weirdos? Yeah. Yeah. We can find other comics to hang out with. They're the most forgiving, understanding, ridiculous people. talk shit to each other all the time everyone's laughing that green room at the mothership at any given night It is just like a full-on show and we're all howling at each other You know hinge clips cracking on people shingill us is cracking on people run white chimes in Brian Simpson dumps on people. It's wild back there. We're having so much fun Brian Simpson dumps on people. It's wild back there. We're having so much fun. Just all laughing at each other. Just all falling down on the ground, slapping tables. Look at dope, man. It's beautiful. It's hard to like joke, like, it's hard to go back from that. Like when you get used to talking shit with comics, [029:01] my group of friends that I grew up with, we talked heavy amounts of shit to each other. Like there was no line. And I feel like with comics you can do that too, you know, everybody's shooting the shit. But it's tough sometimes like going home or trying to like, like I've dated people where I meet their family or whatever and you know, you start to get a little comfortable. comfortable, but you forget that they have their line is way fucking way way way way down. Yeah, and I'm like, fuck, like pass their line. You pass their line the third grade. Yeah, I said, I've said some jokes in front of like the family of girls I've dated or something like that, where they're just like, holy shit, man. I'm like, all right, my bad, my bad, it's just tough to go back. But sometimes I kind of miss that too, to be around somebody who's like, not a comic. Like, I don't know, Monco has a body shop and sometimes, there's just random dudes that are going to hang out, dudes that are getting their cars painted there, and sometimes I like miss those guys, [030:03] because I remember them just talking shit about like just random things It's regular dudes. Yeah, sometimes they're curious about things and they don't have the knowledge of like The celebrity world. They're like the outside this or that. They're just kind of shooting the shit Yeah, sometimes I do kind of miss those convos, but I don't know I I Don't like them getting mad at Joe. Yeah, I know what you saying Yeah, I mean I got a lot of friends that have regular jobs. One of my best friends, he's worse than maintenance guy at high school. I've known him since I was like 24, 23. Do you ever imagine like shout out to Tommy Jr. Yo, what up Tommy Jr.? Do you ever imagine like going back to something like that? Like to like regular life? Yeah, do you ever? Yeah. Well I think everybody that gets real famous is a certain amount of pressure that comes with that that's not comfortable for some people. You [031:00] know like you think how it is like reading your comments. You imagine if I read my comments. I was gonna ask you about that too. Do you ever read them? No, no, they're not good for you They're not no, I think the bad ones are not good for you and the good ones aren't good for you either No, they can't be because you got to stay you no matter what and that's difficult since a lot of guys lose their mind And I've lost my mind a few times and got it back, but you can lose your mind. You can get lost in other people's opinions of you. Who are you really? You need at least some amount of time in your day to self-reflect. Just self-reflect. You know if you have asked something or if you did a good job, you know if you're prepared for something the way you should have. You know, you know, you know if a show went well, you know if a show sucked, you know, you were off, you like you didn't have anything. Anything, whatever it is. You know, and if you don't spend enough time thinking about that and working on those things, whether it's with your personal life or your standup [032:05] or your hobbies or anything that you're doing. If you don't have at least some time where you're not thinking about other people's opinions, but you're just looking at it yourself, then you got too much noise coming in and too much noise, I've f**ked you, I didn't, f**ked you, and then you see people where their whole life is engaged in these meaningless disputes with people, meaningless, energy that you could spend on positive things, like friendships, like a hobby that you enjoy, like your loved ones, like positive things about life. And I think for some people, they get trapped in this world of other people's opinions, and they don't take enough time to look at themself. Like, think about yourself, think about you, think about what you're doing. I'm learning, yeah, learning that, at least for me, I don't know. I feel like stand up is a lot like a fight or like racing a car. Like everybody could have an opinion on like, why you won it, why you lost it, the racer, but nobody's really in the car with you. Nobody saw it. You actually shifted wrong or correctly or if it was because you ducked when you should have punched, there's [033:10] something like, only you know. Only you know. Yeah. Learning that. Yeah, but that's, I guess that's the case with everything and there's nothing wrong with people expressing opinions, but I just don't think it's good for you to get engaged with them. I just don't think that's mentally healthy. Oh, I've engaged. I'm sure. I engaged for like a good two hours. But here's what I fucked up. Not only engaging is I waited to post a clip. And I had a feeling that a few people would talk some shit. So I waited to post it on an afternoon where I'd have some time to engage. Like I knew I would engage. You're ready? Yeah, I was like nah, cause I wanna see what people say, right? Right. But after a while I was like all right, I've engaged enough, like, but yeah after that I was like, nah I'm not doing this again. That was kind of my like all right, I'm good on engaging point. That was when I realized like I should not check social media anymore or not as often. I posted a clip making fun of Latino Republicans. [034:07] I didn't even like say anything harsh, they got mad. I didn't say, all I said is they look weird. That's like the heaviest thing I said. It's weird to see a dude with an accent. We got a stope emigrants. You're like wondering when they got here like right I Did I was like I don't know you saying they're wrong. I mean fucking robot doesn't taste weird, but I mean you need it right like Maybe it's working. I don't know. It's I'm not saying they're wrong. I just say the little weird well There's a shit load of them in Florida. Yeah all the people that came from communist countries. Oh here it takes us to So so a lot of the people that came from communist countries. Oh, here it takes us to. So a lot of the people who came from... We were all these little cigars? Yeah, yeah. These little round white specials. Round white got me on these little cigars. A little baby cigars, you know, after finishing a whole one. A lot of the people who were commenting were like, people who came from communist countries. And I don't know their experience but I wasn't trying to change anybody's mind. I wasn't like you're talking shit [035:06] Yeah, I was like you shouldn't be and people were in the comments. They were like They're like well Ralph doesn't understand politics. Yeah, I don't This is a joke like yeah, I'm just talking shit also. I just said you look weird. Yeah, nothing wrong with it You know me some Versace shirts look weird. They do look weird, but they're nice the nice You know what I mean? Wasn't that what shame got for the fights? You got a Versace shirt a golden Versace shirt that shit looked up That's a bold move You know you got a gold Versace shirt on you know, I'm here to party. Yeah, that's like the ultimate Hawaiian shirt Like a Hawaiian shirt is I'm here to party and if this Versace. Oh yeah, I saw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you talking about. He posted a picture. Hey, look at him. With the president, with the former president. It's a blurry picture. That's a badass picture, by the way. Like I'm not like a Trump supporter or nothing, [036:02] but that's just a fucking dope picture. That's a fun picture. Have you ever seen Shane's Trump impression? Yeah. It's fucking insane. It's so good. You have like an asterisk? Oh, right there. If I was Trump's friend, I try to get him a shave his head. I'd be like, come on, bro. I wanna take more cool pictures like that. Just post them every now and I don't think he put like a caption right? I don't I don't know what he put up I don't think he put a cat bro. That's fucking genius. That's why this dude's like the next goal bro Oh, he's so funny man. He's so funny This that biddy has about Navy sales. Oh my god. I watch it a hundred times. I could watch it a hundred times He's so funny man and he's out here too now. It's it's cool because we got like this real, like good vibe going where everybody's just really fucking having fun. And there's all these young guys coming up because like a big point of the club was development. Like we wanna have two nights of open mic night, every Sunday, every Monday, open mic night, and then Monday, Killtony. [037:01] Killtony is the anchor, that's the anchor, because it sets the tone of the culture. Like you have one minute. In that minute, you got to be funny. You just got to be, and then people realize, oh, that's what this is all about. Yeah, this is an art form. It's an art form, and it's about how to be funny. And everybody's got their own way. You know, Ali Sadik has these great stories. He's got these beautiful long stories, amazing storyteller. You know, and then you got Joey Diaz who's like, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, he hits you with those bang, bang, bang, bang. I love the upstairs room, the little boy, because you got comics going up, but you also have like every employee in the mothership going up. Yeah, well they're all comics. Yeah, they're all comics too. But you're giving them a chance, man. A lot of comics work the club to try to like get in with the club across the country, whatever their club is. And sometimes even they don't get really the chance. You know what I mean? Well, we all came from open mics. [038:01] Everybody did. Like that's the only way to do it. You have to get on stage. So why would a club not have an open mic? And they're like, well, it doesn't, we could fill it up with a headliner. Yeah, you could, you could, but you're making a short-term gain decision where you're making more money. And you're not looking at the long-term, just for the art form. The art form needs seeds. It needs plants. It needs someone to help. Need someone to tend the garden. Need someone to give people opportunities. And to say, this is a renewable resource. This beautiful thing that we all enjoy. People talk and shit and us laughing. It's the most beautiful thing. I love it to death. There's the art side and the business side in yeah Well that's gotta be a balance to it. That's where you yeah, you gotta You gotta I don't know man. I Know when I was I don't know anybody else who did it this way because we had to do it in a way where [039:02] You know we we all got up and moved. So it was crazy in the first place. And we all took this chance to come here. And in the beginning, a lot of guys moved long before there was a club. So we were just doing the Vulcan. And they had heard that, oh, they got these wild ass shows they're doing in Texas indoors. In November of 2020, we were doing shows indoors. And it just started coming. and then one day we did a show with Ron white and Ron white grab my shoulders He got off so he hadn't been staying up in like eight months. He grabs my show Whatever the fuck we have to do we're doing this He goes when are you gonna get your fucking club open up? I go let's fucking go Ron white. Let's do this shit He's like let's fucking go me. He had just gotten off stage You know and then he gave you these cigars. Yeah, he loves these little cigars. I like these either good You want a little cigar? I never smoked a cigar and tell hung out a big one a real cigar. Yeah Let's take a big cigar hold on please hold [040:11] I'm gonna put some of these foundations to guard. We got our own cigar, bro. You made those cigars? No, foundation cigars do. I've never heard of that company. I'm new to the cigar world. I just got into it like in the summer. I'm learning. Shout out to my man Nick. Yeah, this dude, he, I was super skeptical. He goes, we made you some cigars. We're gonna only come up, man. It's probably gonna be waxed cigars with a label on it. But no, this dude is like a real cigar head. Like, you know, he travels to the places where they grow it. And he's involved in the whole process of it. And he makes a bunch of really dope cigars. Like Willy Wonka when he traveled to the jungle to find him for loompers and stuff? Something like that. But anytime I hear, you know how to work these? Oh shit. Anytime I meet a dude who's like really into something, [041:02] like my friend Evan from Black Wife for coffee. That dude is like super super into coffee and he's got this laboratory at his factory. He took us to the Black Wife for warehouses where they you know do all their work there and do all the roasting. They have these giant roasting machines. And he's got this laboratory where he's like testing different weights of how much coffee you put in, different temperatures. And they've got these dudes sitting around sipping them, trying to figure out what's the perfect way to do this shit. Like they're doing it like a lab. Professional cippers. Yeah man. But that's when you're going to get that dope coffee. That really good coffee. I'm just got into coffee this year. Coffee and cigars. That's that's 2023 Ralph right there. I had this dude on once. [042:02] I always forget his name. Yeah, a lot of dude's on once. Peter Jute. Yeah, I've had a lot of dudes on there, but I had this dude on who was a real coffee expert. And he, he schooled me in all the different kinds of coffee and how they grow them and how they take care of them. Hey, you had this one guy on here once. I remember watching the clips on YouTube, uh, what he was talking about like Christianity, like ancient Christianity. Yeah. And he asked you about, I think it was a clip about psychedelics. Yeah. Like, but he forgot, I forgot the exact question he asked you. He was like, can I tell you? He's like, can I tell you about like the way Christianity was or something like that. I forgot exactly the exact question he asked you. And you said, yeah. And he comes like, yeah. And he kind of laughed a little bit. Well, I should scare the shit out of me. If I were to hurt the guy laugh, after he's like, can I tell you about this? And I'm like, yeah. And then he laughs. I'll be like, never mind, bro. I feel like he laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs. He laughs I was thinking you saw my brimer. Brimer, you still have trouble with it. It might have been brine. [043:25] Brine's amazing. Yeah. I mean, it was a cool episode. I'm not learning a lot of shit about Christianity that I later forgot. But it was just that one good way. The one way he has the question that scared the shit out of me. And I was watching the clip like at 1 a.m. Just chilling, you know? So So I turned that off and I just turned the lights on in my room. I was like, I freaked me out a little bit It's what's interesting about Christianity everybody wants to know What was the first shit they wrote down like everybody knows like the New Testament, right? The New Testament, but then you go what about the what about the Old Testament like Don't pay attention to that. Yeah, I don't really like that that they be changing shit [044:03] You know give me one set of rules leave it Now if you choose to follow them or not that's not you but don't change it even if it is the writings of Jesus Even if it is the writings of even all that is unadulterated. It's not been altered by human beings It's still Put together by people written down by people you ever you ever do that thing? Very different than the Old Testament. They are. I remember they did this like at Barbara College was just to like teach us a lesson. Some shit. I don't know. But they had this long bench. They sat down all the students and our instructor whispered a secret to the first person on the far right and then he got to keep. Yeah, you got to just keep whispering the secret down the line. And by the end of the line, it's a totally different sentence. That shit made me never wanna like, check out the Bible anyway. Yeah, the Bible was, they think it was an oral tradition for hundreds, if not a thousand years, [045:00] before they ever wrote it down. Wow, damn. Yeah, that's a lot of mix up. it down. Well, I am. That's it. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of mix up. Could be. Yeah, for sure people could have added some shit in there. You're religious at all? Like, you go to church or anything? You follow religious? I'm not religious, but I'm not an atheist. People always say I'm an atheist. I'm not an atheist. I feel like I grew up somewhat Catholic. Like how most Mexican Catholics are? Like maybe you don't go to church but you do this thing all the time. So I'm still like, you know, like, but yeah, there is, I don't know man, I don't know what to believe. I do want to have a religion. I'm not gonna lie. But sometimes there's a good one when you get really locked into into like man you guys are making sense Well, I just like that people really like lock into something and I don't know man I want to I want to like defend something I want to be like you don't speak that way about a lot right But it's a nice gang to be a part of right very aggressive gang But I also feel like the gang I belong to whether I like it or not is like the comedy world [046:03] Yeah, just make fun of everything. Yeah. That's our gang. But I think religion helps a lot of people and I don't necessarily think it's all. Yeah. I think it came from somewhere and I think there's there's like real wisdom to these stories that people wrote down thousands of years ago, but there's a lot of problems in the translations too. Because they're translating shit from, like, here's a good example. The Dead Sea Scrolls is the oldest version of the Bible that they're aware of. And it's from cumrons. They have these caves, and they found these big pottery vessels with scrolls in them and these scrolls They're all made of animal skins. That's how old they are. That was their paper. They wrote on animal skins and One of the ways that they figured out they had to put it all together again And a lot of it was crumpled and fallen apart and so they had to do DNA testing [047:05] So that they could figure out okay this sample these samples are all from this cow out of it was crumpled and fallen apart. And so they had to do DNA testing so that they could figure out, okay, these samples are all from this cow. And so we'll put these here. And they took them fucking years and years and years to do this. And after 14 years of deciphering it, there was this one guy's name is John Marco Allegro. And he was a, he was a nor' Marco Allegro, and he was an ordained minister, but he was also agnostic. Because when he studied theology, the more he started studying it, the more he's like, what the fuck is this? How come this is so much different than this? And what's the origins of these words and where does this all come from? So this guy's study is this Dead Sea Scrolls for 14 years. And then he writes a book called The Sacred Mushroom in the Cross, and he said that the whole Christian religion was really about psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals, that these people had hidden all of these stories in these allegories and in these tales, they'd hidden all this information on what to do and when to do it. [048:06] And that all, it's a very, very controversial book, but that all of the, like even- Do you think I did at Barnes & Noble's? I think you probably get it now. I know it got, yeah, I got republished. It was, I think it was bought out by the Catholic Church for a long time. And then- I didn't know the Catholic church was buying out books like they didn't want this one out. So woof a Wall Street shit. I don't know if that's true. I need to find out if that's true because I've said it before because someone told it to me. Dude you say we're enough confidence it's true. Yeah if you say we're enough confidence you can but Catholic church bought out game stop a couple of years ago. They're responsible for battlefield earth. Yeah yeah. Man that's crazy that they were riding on like cow skin. Yeah that's all they had. Fucking cows man cows have never had it easy on this earth. Don't call me beef. Even when they have a good life it's only for Kobe beef you know what I mean? Right even if you're a good life it's only like 16 years old. I mean what is it like in Japan where they really like massage them. Yeah imagine being that cow just being like damn I've heard about cows that get slaughtered But I got lucky to be born in this life and they're like nope [049:07] You got slightly lookier than the other cows, but well the thing about cows is if you Care about like suffering if you you can buy beef from a regenerative farm where that cow dies instantly Lives a great life until it dies And then you'd say like, no, we should let them free. They should be free. The way they die when they're free is horrific. Yeah? Arrophic. Yeah, because they get eaten enough. Oh yeah, right. Yeah. They get eaten. Most of them are not gonna make it whole. It's not. Half-moon. Mount lions, bears, wolves. They bring wolves back. They brought wolves back everywhere now. Wolves are in Colorado now. They're moving them in. Yeah, they're moving them in. Fat ass. I don't know. The wolves are back in town. Back in town. I think that's the boys. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know what they meant? They're gonna eat your dog. They're gonna kill your kids. Oh shit. I didn't think about that. It's the little red riding hood shit, man. That's all the big, bad wolf. That's because in [050:07] Europe, in like the 1400s or whatever the fuck. They're eating people's grandmas and shit. They ate everybody. Wolves ate people. Wait, what, what year was it? Listen, wolves always eat people. In World War One, there was a ceasefire between the Germans and the Russians because wolves were eating so many soldiers, the day decided to band together and kill the wolves. Oh shit. So you know, maybe they're not a problem. The world is a very split right now. Maybe wolves were going to bring us back together. Maybe man. Also, maybe we need to bring back psychedelic Christianity. Maybe that's what Red Riding Hood was on. That's why she thought the wolf was her grandma and shit. Probably tripping. Bitch was tripping. Yeah. Imagine how high you have to be. Think a wolf with a dress is your grandma. I'll tell you this though, on the whole Christian psychedelic trip shit. One time I ate like 9-10 grams of shrooms, and I swear to God, the ceiling, there was a face in it. And I, like for some reason in my mind, [051:06] I was like, that's God and he's fucking pissed. And then I pissed. Yeah. At you? For what? I don't know. I think it's just because on the inside, I'm always, I've never done mushrooms out in the, like during the day. I know some people are like, yeah, man, do mushrooms, go to a park. Nah, uh-uh. Because I do believe there's like God out there, some sort of God. And I don't think he's necessarily like, like the good guy on a TV show. I think he's God, you know what I mean? He ever had like a boss, like at a place. And maybe he's not exactly fair. Maybe he's not exactly nice, but he's the fucking boss. And when he says go, I feel like maybe that's what God is, you know, for better or worse. And I feel like if I do mushrooms out in the open, he's gonna be like mad. So I do the mad night. I usually do them in my hotel rooms. I'll do research on hotels that have like artwork and stuff. Like hotel indigo's great place to trip. Especially the one in Houston. If I go to Houston, I'll stay in at the hotel in the go But yeah, the ceiling man [052:05] I was tripping so hard and the face came out and it looked like it like it looked like a hand and then like an elbow And then I felt like he was putting his elbow on my neck and I couldn't breathe. I started trying to breathe real hard Like and my buddy was like having a nice trip. He was just like that's right man breathe. I was like no dumb as like I can't breathe like Gods choking you. Yeah, God was like putting the pressure down on my neck, but I feel like that was maybe my mind. Well, it's definitely in your mind. Yeah, you know, like just feeling pressure in general. Right. And wondering if I'm doing the right thing or not. Yeah, well, a lot of changes have happened really quickly with you. you know Brian Simpson was telling me that you were gonna open for him one weekend January of 2022 and then you blew up and then he called you and you're like bruh I'm headlining all these clubs now. Nah he's mad that story that's what he said the story is a little different he said you were doing great I mean yeah I said it was a period of a few months and he got a hold you and you were headlining [053:04] everywhere I can't man I shouldn't say how the story went because I'm not even He said it was a period of a few months, and he got a hold of you and you were headlining everywhere. I can't man. I shouldn't say how the story went because I'm not even sure how the story went. Maybe they just had a... I do remember we spoke and I was just headlining, and I'm like, man, I'm like, I do wanna open for you because he's fucking... Brian Simpson, that's hilarious. But looking back on it, I mean, there's no regrets. I feel like as long as I'm doing whatever I feel like doing in that moment, there's no regrets, you know? Yeah. But looking back on it, I do wish things would've gone maybe a little slower for me. Just because I was still a feature, I wasn't used to headlining shows when I started headlining shows and I feel like a lot of my shows were me still very much learning and getting comfortable with an hour on stage and Like I love my Netflix special don't get me wrong like I'm like proud of it. I want people to watch it But I feel like after the special came out is when I actually got to like enjoy [054:02] Enjoy headlining on the road and I feel like now I'm at a much more comfortable level. And now I'm pretty sure this happens to a lot of comics, but I feel like this material now, like this is where it's at. Yeah. I don't even want to post it. I got one to post it. I have certain jokes that I'm like, bro, if I could just post this, people will fuck with it a bit. But there's a lot of it that I'm like, nah, if I don't post it, I can just keep doing it like on the road and keep people ahead of a show. And put it together on your next special. You're on the road, you're on your path now, man. That's fucking awesome. That's what it's about. How old are you? 27. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. What a good time. Yeah, I like 27 man. 26 was better 27 is all right. Listen, I know it all came fast to you, but you just got to accept that gift This is just you know, you can't you got it you got a gift It's a beautiful gift of being in the right time with the right tools available and having a great set and having a piece of that [055:04] Get out hell that would yeah, I don of that get out. I told you that was, I don't inhale this man, little fuck you up. But it's, you know, it's a gift by the universe. And you gotta, you know, you gotta ride that gift. And it's gonna be, it's weirder that you go from middleing all of a sudden your headlining everywhere. But so what, you're funny man. I felt like a young Rocky Rocky one. He's like kind of older already. And then I don't know where he gets his shot. I felt like maybe like a younger inexperienced Rocky and then I got like a shot. Yeah. But the audience knows though too. That's the cool thing. Like they know that you're kind of new to this but they love you and they wanna come see you. Yeah, it's been a dope man. People are so supportive. Do you remember that girl's name? Is it Angela Johnson? The one who has that Vietnamese bit? She held me out a lot by the way. That girl had the same kind of thing happen to her. Yeah, she was doing a comedy like a few months or something like that and then her bit went viral on my space. Bro, she was middling and selling out clubs and then people would leave when the headliner would go up. That's got a fucking piss off of the headliner. Oh my God. [056:05] Could you imagine like the place is packed and you're the headliner, but you know they're all there for the middle act? Ha ha ha. What a drag man. But that was real. That was what was going on for a while with her. She was telling me about that for a while. She was so nice. She sold out. She was, cause she's like doing theaters or whatever. Isn't she a serious Christian? Yeah, yeah. It's a serious Christian. She, uh, she's doing like theaters, or she's doing theaters and she did like a special, like 20, what year are we in right now? 23. So like 22 maybe it was, I might be getting this wrong. You want some coffee? I'm okay, I'm okay. I do. But she put out this special and she had been like, you know, doing theaters. But after she did her special, her last special, she booked a lot of club gigs. She told me. And so she went to San Antonio to the LOL to just book back to back gigs to keep running material and shit. And I don't know. I kind of just took like a page from that book. I was opening her for like eight of those shows and [057:07] We did LOL and San Antonio. I mean fucking you know, it's like Mexico City there So like I have a lot of tickets to sell there man. So anytime they wanted to add a show I was like yes added. Yes added like I'm just gonna work out so much here But then now that I've done it we we did the first weekend, the first weekend was 10 shows. This next up coming up weekend is the next 10 shows. But like six, five shows in, I was like, well hold up. This might be not as productive as I thought it was, because every audience is just 99% Latino, Hispanic, Mexican. And I like fuck. I was like, I need to work out material in front of everybody. It can't just be only my audience. It can't just be Hispanics. They're gonna fuck it and they're gonna baby me too much. Like I'm not gonna grow. So I came down here and I was like, fucking, like no offense to my audience. I love them, like, fucking keep coming out. I fuck with them all day. But I also need to get in front of strangers, also need to get in front of different people, some Asian, some Indians, and some white guys. [058:05] Like, I need to get in front of everybody if I truly want to grow. At least that's my opinion, you know what I mean? I think that's a good opinion. I think that opinion shared by a lot of people. I think getting in front of as many different audiences is real important, especially in the early days. You know, that's why the road so important. If you live in New York City, you kind of think that everybody thinks like people from New York City and then you go do a gig in Oklahoma and you're like, oh, okay. I love New York too though, because you get a little bit of like those diverse strangers. Oh, New York's great. New York's an amazing place to comedy. Like comedy gym, like comedy. You ever watch, uh, where's it? Christian Bell's Batman? And he goes up to like an appall to become Batman to like train Sometimes man when I was frustrated and especially before I got to tour when I was still just like a feature and opening You know, I mean an open mic go crash on my buddy's couch for like a month or two in New York and just fucking work it out You know, yeah, no New York is always been a great place for talent You know, I mean there's always guys like a tell in New York and there's always always in New York. New York's a great place. [059:07] It's just not for me man. It's too many fucking people. Too many people jammed on top of each other. I'm just too, I don't like that that much. I like some quiet. I do some cheese. I feel that. I live out in the country right now. Oh do you? Yeah I live out like the country right now. Oh, do you? Yeah, I live out like an hour south of Dallas. Oh, that's great. My dad lives out there. He bought land when he was like 20 there, like a little trailer home. And he always kept it. He'd move around a lot. He's an unstable guy. He's up and down with her. But he always kept that land. And once he became more of like a family man, he's married to my stepmom, have younger siblings. He like, you know, make sure that they live there. He got out of prison like 2019. And he went back to like, painting cars, working on cars, started saving money, started doing like, contractor jobs, started his own business. [1:0:02] Now he does like, pretty big business, contract type work, a couple other guys have their own business. And he does like pretty big business, contract type work, a couple other guys have their own business. And he like built his dream house. Oh, nice. On that land, no more trailer home. He gave the trailer home to my cousin and they moved it like further back on the next piece of land. So you know, now he has to like start his own little journey with her. Nice. But he built that, he built that house and it's nice man. I started building a house on that land as well before my cousins house, so I could like outside my cousins house. But it's not done. But my house is purely like I'm not even looking forward to I'm not even trying too much right now to like actually build the house and be like this is how I want my kitchen or living room. Not even worried about it. Where I'm the living compartment is on the upstairs. I'm worried about it, where the living compartment is on the upstairs. I'm worried about the downstairs, because that's gonna be like my shop. I used to paint cars. I wanna do that in my free time again. What kind of painting? Like, I was still very much like, like artistic painting, you mean? No, like, you know, paint the cars, like, paint them blue, paint them red, you know? Oh, just painting cars. Yeah, and detail it in them afterwards, you know. I always wanted to paint candy, but you need a lot of experience. [1:1:06] A lot of people don't know when you're painting candy, you can't just do the quarter panel and then move to the door. You gotta do like the holes. What do you mean by candy? Like, you know, candy paint, like real glittery, real pretty, I suppose. Oh, is that what it's called? Yeah, you ever go to a car show and maybe one car just fucking pops way more, has way more flaking it. It's candy paint, but it's tough to paint. You gotta be skilled like experienced painter because you can't just fucking, you know, you always gotta be careful how you adjust your gun, right? You don't want your pattern too wide to narrow. Are you super serious about this shit? Oh yeah man, painting, I thought that was my thing. Really? Yeah, I'd get so discouraged that open mic, so I'd be like, let me stick to painting. Let me just stick to painting. Wow. But that's fucking dope man. And my uncle's like, in my opinion, he's like a grandmaster painter in painting for years. He learned, so my dad had a body shop when I was a kid, very small. Now back in these days, my dad was involved [1:2:05] in less than legal business. So this body shop was a front, technically, you know what I mean? But, I mean, they got business and they got good. And my dad hired this painter named Alfred, maybe Reston piece, Alfred fucking badass painter, crazy old guy. He used to know how to break dance, because she was badass. Alfred used to know how to break dance. She was badass. Balfour top, Maoko had a paint. Maoko Jose. If a Maoko was young, Maoko was kind of like a no-go head at one point involved in like, as a teenager he was involved in like, fucking gang shit, some drug deals, whatever. But Maoko had a kid very young and like snapped out of it quick. Just wanted to be like a respectable man, just do the right thing, you know what I mean? Right. And he's still that guy to this day, that my uncle's been working the body shops and he was like, I might be getting the age wrong way, he's like 20, right now he's in his like late 30s, mid 30s, and he's still, he's still like the guy who goes into the shop at 8 a.m. we'll stay there till fucking midnight if he has to put his food on the table. You know what I'm saying? [1:3:05] Right. But he learned from this dude Alfred. Fucking badass knowledge on painting. Malko would teach it to me. And I was a teenager. My dad also had a car wash. I'd go work in the summer sometimes. And I'd get sold. Matt at the car wash, like I ate it. I'm like, bro, anybody can just fucking rinse the car off, put the soap like There was next door like across the street from the body shop So after work we would go hang out at the body shop with everybody I would tell my uncle because I don't know if my dad was gonna take me seriously And I'd be like, can you teach me how to paint? I was like, I don't want to work over there I was like, don't even paint me if you don't want to send the cars I want to fucking do real shit you know. Yeah. So he teach me every now and then as I got older I spent a couple weekends over there at the body shop with Monco whatever. After high school while my dad was already locked up or whatever. Monco I guess to like check on me make sure I wasn't like getting sadder so he would just call me kind of would give me a choice. He's be like, hey, I need help. Like, come help me out with her. [1:4:07] I'd be like, all right. And then I started getting good. I went to paid school for a while to get certified. Those guys hooked me up with a job, like at a better shop. Malco, I would also cut hair. So Malco would always be like, man, just be a barber. when you're asked off breaking your back, like do something where you're gonna be in the AC. You know what I mean, like work smarter and harder. But I eventually did that, but at the time I'm like, I wanna fucking learn this, you know? Let me do this. So I went and worked at a body shop and I worked that one with this painter, man, I hate not to talk down on other men, but that guy wasn't worth the fuck and he was a cool painter, but he didn't care So I was the paint prepper, you know, he started me didn't care Like he wasn't in there to do good work He was in there to just get his paycheck and he wasn't even like there a lot of the time, man You know like there's a lot of preparation that goes in the painting car a lot of sanding [1:5:08] So you got a fucking sand and sand and sand and make sure you sand this and then you gotta clean it this way and make sure there's no like type of chemicals in the air like you can't keep like the like arm or all or anything they use for detail car you can't have that in the same room you're painting it you get a chemical reaction and your paint job will look like shit really yeah it's like just in the air yeah there's tons of little details mechanic work and paint work cannot be in the same room really Yeah, you just can't you can't have it, you know, so Armour all just being in the room will fuck up your paint. Yeah, bro If you like let's say let's say you like spray some armor on some shit or you wipe the card down And you weren't supposed to like which is anything that was like cleaning product You have to be careful what exactly you're using. So you're saying if the armor all contacted the paint physically? Nah, like even if it's just kind of like in the air. Yeah, I mean, at least that's how careful we were like. But he didn't even, what is I doing to you then? What do you mean? Oh, all the paint stuff? Oh, it's killing you. Armor. It's gotta be killing you. I mean, the pain is worse than the armor. We're like breathing in like, primer, we're breathing in like, [1:6:06] bondo dust, we're breathing in so much. But a lot of people that have like, lung problems that are painers. Oh yeah. Yeah. Even if you don't like get the lung cancer, right? Let's say you live a full life as a painter. They've done autopsy's on painters. Their lungs like different colors. Oh, Jesus Christ, really? Yeah. But I mean, I rather have different colors than just nasty pink or whatever. What if you wear one of those Fauci masks? They help. No, definitely wear your mask, wear your gloves. They help, but the shit is there. You don't get it even through those crazy masks. Yeah, for sure. There's no way. And then there's different masks that will help you block the dust from like primer or like from the body filler, but those masks aren't gonna help you when it comes to paint and like vice versa. Oh, you gotta have the swap masks. With your sanding versus when you're painting. Yeah, so I started getting pretty good as a painter. Especially when I went to work out a shop [1:7:01] where my uncle's not like babysitting me anymore. Now I'm like learning on my own. And when I say on my own, I mean like the way the reason I say that one painter wasn't worth the damn was because when you first work out of shop and you're trying to be a painter, you got to be like a paint, a paint prepper or like a painter's apprentice for like a few years. So it's my job to like prepare the car. Like every step of the way up until it's in the booth taped up ready to get painted. That's when the painter would just show up. I don't know he's probably just been kicking it at the house all day. He'll show up, makes the paint, paint, spray, clear it, and then he'd go home. So I've been prepping these cars for like days on end. I'm staying extra, you know. Every now and then feels a smaller piece like like a bumper or just like a small piece of the car. They just leave it up to me. They're like, well, you go ahead and knock it out. So I started getting good. There was a guy there, Matt forget his name, super cool as fucking guy, who was just kind of like a shop hand. Like he didn't really work on cars, but if you needed help, you know, sometimes you need help moving the fucking hood or a door like just random shit he was there and he had a Buick like a like it was his grandpa's [1:8:10] Buick like a 99 just regular Buick and he was like man I want you to paint it I want you to paint it so I painted like half the car because it only the front then needed it that was like my only like big paint job I started getting good but that's when I really jumped more into comedy so I just kind of quit and I only like big paint job, I started getting good. But that's when I really jumped more into comedy. So I just kind of quit and I did whatever I had to do to make sure comedy worked out. And I went back to like, couldn't hair because it allowed me more time to jump to open Mike's quicker, you know. What was it, how'd you get on stage and what was like the motivation? Like your friends talked you into it. Does it something you always wanted to do? I always wanted to do it. You were always a fan of comedy? Yeah. Well, like, I wanted to be a comedic actor. Oh, like movies and shit. Movies, sketches, SNL, some shit like that. I loved like, shepel show. I loved anything with Adam Sandler. I loved anything with just funny movies. And I was, even though I'm very mellow on stage, I'm writing jokes and I make sure I say them right. [1:9:08] Before that, I was like a goofy kid. And I think if I, once I'm comfortable people, I'm still like the goofy guy, I'm doing impressions, I'm doing fucking voices, I'm allowed to do it once I get super comfortable. But I have to get comfortable, you know what I mean? And so then, where was your first open mic at hyenas? Hyenas Dallas night on the Wednesday night. I signed up at 5 p.m. Went up at 1.30 a.m. Wow. Yeah, I got yelled at. There was one comic that was up after me. And he was there or maybe two comics. There's two guys in there, but I know for sure one of those guys was after me. And where I was like second to last or third to last and the dude was like, the fuck out here already. He was like drunk. He's just mad. Oh my god. I had three minutes. I did one and a half because what's the yellow thing? I was like, all right, that's my time. Oh my god. But that's the shit that I was talking about earlier. Is that like I saw how hard I bombed. Yeah, it was fucking devastating to get yelled at at 130 a and just me and three, four people in the room that aren't even audience, [1:010:05] just other open micers. And leaving, walking through the parking lot, I'm like, this isn't for me, this isn't for me. I just stick to my job, like, okay, you know? But the next day when I'm fucking sanding a car for three hours straight the whole time in my head, I'm just like thinking of, well, if I would've said, it's different. What if I would've said this instead? What if I tried this on stage? Like my mind was always there, you know? Yeah. So I'd go back, but then I'd get discouraged again. Older dudes would scare me. I'm a very introverted person. I've been breaking out of my shell more and more. You know, you kind of have to in the comedy world, but I was so to talk to people would feel like a tremendous Fuck is stress and fear like I freak out even till this day if I'm walking through the mall and somebody who might be a fan or something Is walking up to me and I see them walking in the whole time my head. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh, and then they're like What's up, man big fan? I'm like okay. All right. Hey, what's up? Thanks, man, but as soon as it's over I'm like fucking thank god like But yeah, man, so I don't know so that's why I never really stuck to painting was comedy took over comedy was when did you start pursuing it full time how many years in were you? [1:011:16] So when I'm like 19 18 I'm doing it once every few months, but once I was 20 I just every night didn't stop going, you know what I mean, like just fuck it, like full blast. Yeah. Cause I think that's when I finally got like a laugh. Do you remember the joke? Yeah, it wasn't even a joke. It was like just a reaction to the dude in the crowd, man. And that was like my first hard lesson in comedy. I went up at a place called Backdoor Comedy where you have to be clean, which shout out to them. I feel like that's the place that really made me love comedy because you can't even talk about like the restroom. So I feel like that forced me to really write, you know what I mean, get creative. Right, right, right. I'm not a clean. I'm not a clean. Taking the easier way out. Yeah, yeah. And I wouldn't say I'm necessarily a clean comic now. I feel like I feel like there's no set style I want to have like if there's a joke that's dirty or cuss words fuck it [1:012:09] You know, I mean yeah, it's funny. It's funny, but that room Also nervous. I was like I got to be clean and it took place the mic the show the little time It's not even a club. It's just a room that used to be located inside the Hilton double tree and The audience that would show for the, they'd get a real audience for the mic. But it was kind of like class year uppity folk, a lot of white people with money, which intimidated the fuck out of me. I was never used to leaving my own little circle. And I was all walking up to the stage, there was this dude. This is all like, old white guy in a budding down. It was arms crossed. And I got just scared the shit out of me. I had a neighbor who every time I walked by his house, if he kept in the sea me or just kids, he'd stare really hard. Like I'm pretty sure he was a little racist, you know? He'd just stare like, make sure we'd take nothing from his yard. He didn't care if you saw him. He had a glass door. He would stand behind the glass door, just like, it's staring hard, and he looked like that guy to me. [1:013:05] So as I walked up, I just looked at that guy and think about my jokes, I had to think about nothing. I was like, man, this dude looks like he caught the cops on me already, and the audience laughed. And the first lesson was like, just fucking, you know, say what you're gonna say, be vulnerable, be honest. And that was like my first little lesson like it worked, you know. So then you start feeling it. Yeah. Yeah. After I got that life, it wasn't even like a huge laugh where they're gonna clap, but it was a laugh. Something. But you know that first time you get a laugh, it feels like you just destroyed the room. Yeah. And after that I'd get a little better. I was able to deliver for a minute and then I was able to deliver for two and my they'd give you three minutes at that mic. So then two minutes will go good and then three. And then I'd have like a killer three. Linda Stagner, the owner of that play, started letting me host the weekends with just three minutes. But there's like, it's like a showcase style room. And there's tons of comics. The show would go on for like two hours. And there's just so many comics. And I take it. [1:014:02] I host for three three minutes and then the next fucking two hours, you know, I do my three minutes it and then the next two hours just holds, you know, remember people's credits, whatever. Right. But yeah, I loved it, man. I also just love going to different clubs. I feel like Dallas was too small of a scene for people to click up, but they did. They'd be like, nah, it's a heinous comic, or that's a Dallas comedy club comic and yeah there were and then you know Dallas comedy club was maybe where you'd go if you were a little more like on the woke side not necessarily too woke but you know you were a little cleaner little friendlier highness was where you'd go if you just wanted to say some shit get a little more raunchy back door was definitely like where I feel like a lot of good fucking like comics would go on the weekend Sometimes people would just pop in because they'd happen to have some extra time on the weekend But I'd like to go into all of them, man. All of them you had shit to learn, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's good to get a variety yet. It's so silly to think of yourself as a I'm of this club comic [1:015:01] Guess we kind of used to do that with a comedy store But what even then it's like you still did even at the comedy store. I've seen I mean I never lived in a lab or I've been in there tons of times just to watch and shit you know even there you get a variety of comics who have different styles. Oh that's what I fucking love. This is a Bruce Lee movie. I remember the movie but I saved the video. I have like screen recorded on my phone And sometimes I watch it on the plane and said airplane mode as a video Where he's talking to like you know like a grandmaster type dude and he's questioning Bruce Lee and That fucking that won't quote. I feel like just apply so much to not only comedy, but everything he's he asked Bruce Lee He's like what is the highest technique you hope to achieve and And Bruce Lee's like, to have no technique. I was like, bro, that's fucking it right there. Like that's the thing, you know what I mean? To be like, I get it. A clean comic is a clean comic and they're funny whatever, right? Some people only want clean comedy and the dirty comic is funniest, some people only want that. But to be able to do everything, you know what I mean? [1:016:01] Yeah. Like to not subject yourself to one style of comedy, like, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah. That's the beauty of having to do like a clean set for television, because you do have to work on it. And sometimes when you're working on stuff like that, it's a good exercise and being locked into a rigid structure where you can't talk about blow jobs, you can't talk about blow jobs, you can't talk about anything crazy. You have like a FCC set of rules or whatever it is. When you do that, it forces you to think of alternative ways for things to be funny other than going to like a cheap laugh. Yeah. You know, sometimes cheap laughs are the funniest, though that's the problem. Like Joey Deis, sometimes cheap laughs are the funniest though. That's the problem. Like Joey Deis, like he's got great punch lines but great timing but it's also, he will go for it wherever it is. He doesn't give a, it's just like what is the funniest fucking thing to say right now? I'm going for that. Yeah. Like there's no thought of like Joey would never do a clean TV set. [1:017:02] Yeah. It would be hell. But you can't do that to Joey. Joey's got to be wild. And like for him to be locked into a TV set, that's not the way for him. But also for him, he's the funny, I've never seen anybody funnier in my life. In all the people I've seen murder, all the Chappelle and Chris Rock and Shane Gillis and fuck all the murderers Joey Diaz in the original room at like 11 30 p.m. on a fucking Wednesday night or something I has made me laugh harder than anybody anybody I mean there was like 6-7 comics in the back room at one point time he was doing bit about Terry Cruz, about so that agent who grabbed Terry Cruz's dead. Yeah. And Terry Cruz was shaking his big dick and his underwear and those commercials that he did. This guy was going crazy. Bro, we were falling on the ground laughing. We couldn't breathe. He just, he hits RPMs, you know, like a lot of people [1:018:03] red line at like 7,000, 8,000. It's really funny. It's great. But Joey gets to like nine. And you're like, holy shit, man. I've never got to see him live, but I want to. Oh my god. Oh my god. He still has it. He came to the mothership. Yeah. And we did one show. I love people like that too that are funny as fuck on stage and off stage. Well, that was the thing about Joey. It's like when I brought him on the road, I brought him on the road for two reasons. One, because I love him. And two, because he's really funny and it challenges me. Like I was going on after him. But also, he's funny all the time. Like he's funny when you're at dinner. He's funny in the green room. We're just, it's a party. Joey brings the party. So when we would all go on the road together, it was just fun. It was family together, you know, like Vin Diesel would say. Yeah, yeah. It was family. But it was like that. It was like we're good friends. So we're just having a great time, you know, me and Ari and Duncan and Joey and we're in these different fucking towns, but it's always us. [1:019:05] So we're always laughing. We're in the fucking hotel lobby just sitting on the couch, just laughing at two o'clock in the morning, just cracking jokes and laughing, just hanging out. That's what I like about, I guess, traveling with my buddies from home. I do feel bad sometimes, I'm like, I should give somebody else a chance, like a local. I don't sometimes they want to hop on the show and for the most part I give guest spots like crazy if people ask there's I go I go five six cities in a row We're like maybe nobody's really fucking with me in that city or nobody's really trying to ask for a guest spot Or maybe they asked the club. I don't know the close elevator, no, but if you ask me like you're there Yeah, I don't even have to watch your set bro like if you're a comic who's taking the chance You should have never said that. I should never said that. I'm gonna be a bug like Chris. Oh my god, you're annoyed by people that shouldn't be on stage. Also just stop, you know, check your social media. So that's a good luck finding you. But yeah, but for the most part, man, when there's people, they're like, well, it's also the way they ask, man, I don't want, like some people be like that. I don't know you you're in boys like that But then for the most part like there'd be comics that are like hey man [1:020:06] Like any chance I could do some time on your show be fan whatever or like you know if you have room if not fuck it I'll be like yeah broke up on you know me. I might not be able to give you all like For seven maybe do a five or something or depends who's the who else is with me But yeah, well I'm down or even if I run into people that I that I already have met before or I feel like they're working at it They're pretty funny like I'll offer them some stage time even if the guys who are already with me have to do less time They're pretty cool about like fuck they're not greedy here. I mean sometimes like the main two guys that have been with me My buddy hisuska steel and Luis hor is their comics out of Dallas when I was early on They were already kind of on and popping within Texas So they'd take me to like open up in San Antonio or Abilene a Houston, you know if they get a one night here there So those dudes were on the road with me now and sometimes they might tell me like hey bro Like is there any chance I could do a longer set like I haven't really got a long set in a while and you know I want to fucking feel it because maybe they got a headline gig coming up [1:021:05] and they've only been doing 10, 15 for the last month or two. So yeah, sometimes then I'll be like, all right, we'll fuck it. Let me close this show out. It's only you two, each does 20. If you wanna go over, fuck it. This crowd's gonna have fun either way. Right. But yeah, if I can, man like I'm down to share the stage road like that's great That's great look it's in best case scenario. It's all I mean I met a lot of great friends Doing the road where I'd never seen him before Tom Segura. I did a show with him in Phoenix never saw him before and He went up he went up first and he was hilarious and I said hey man Where are you working on of when we start talking? I said I want to take you on the road and he was hilarious and I said, Hey man, where are you working on him? When we start talking, I said, I want to take you on the road. And he was like, well, he didn't believe it. Then I called him up the next week. I'm like, come on man, let's go. Let's go have some fun. And we're like best friends now. I love that dude to death. He's out here first. He was one of the first. Yeah. Hinge Cliff was for, well, Ron White was here before all of us. Ron White had told me about, he had already moved before the pandemic. Oh, shit. [1:022:08] So I fucking love Austin. Austin's a shit. He goes, I got travel, do all my gigs, it's middle of country. Yeah. Man, I don't know if I could live in Austin. That's hit and I was like what I got to get the fuck out of here and Ron was already here And so when we first came down, you know, Ron had told me like where to go What's the cool spots and I'd been here a few times before doing stand-up over the years, you know never really spent like a lot of time here But then when I decided to move I was telling everybody I was like Fuck that place man like I'm thinking about opening a club And I first started up I got this place that was run by a cult The first building I got was this building called the one-world theater and And it's a theater that's such a cult has name too. [1:023:06] Such a cult has name. But I think they named it that after the cult left. So one of the guys that was in the cult actually still owned it. So what it happened was this dude ran a cult in West Hollywood. And he's this really beautiful handsome yoga guy. And he was a hypnotist and a gay porn star. Oh shit. Yeah. So this dude runs this cult west Hollywood and then Waco pops off and the cult awareness network is like they're like now investigating cults and there's a bunch of family members that have been complaining about this cult. So this dude in the middle of the night fucking jets and takes off across the country and moves to Austin Has all the and changes his name and has all the cult members eventually come out here And he wants them to build a theater so that he can dance in front of them. Oh, that's the place I bought Yeah, yeah And I bought it because Ron what Ron was used by that place on by the cult. It's the shit [1:024:01] I didn't stand up there once it's fucking beautiful So you know Ron wants white's the man, so he tells me I should buy that place. I mean, that'd probably be the perfect spot. And so we were in the middle of this whole thing, but it all fell apart. There was some issues that had to be dealt with, they weren't dealt, I don't even know if I'm a lot of talk about them, so I won't That was the original spot and that fell apart and then it was like a long time to try to find another spot. And then Ron White was like then grabbing after I did that set with him at the Vulcan. He's like whatever the fuck we have to do. We're doing this. I was like okay, let's go. Do you ever wonder if like Ron White isn't really just a figment of your imagination? He's your conscience. No, Ron White is your lead. That's a real dude. That's a conscious. No, Ron White is a good one. That's a real dude. That's a real dude. I love that kind of guy. Yeah, man. He's our elder statesman of standup. Everybody loves Ron White. There's no Ron White haters out there. Ron White is amazing. He's just a beautiful person too. He's just everything, but he's just great. [1:025:01] Every time I see him, I can't wait to hug him. He's great. And he's at the club all day. He'll probably be there tonight, if he's in town. He's there all the time. He does weekends here sometimes. He does headlines on weeknight sometimes. And that's what made him decide to go back on the road again, which is exciting. Cause I've never seen him better. He's as good as he's ever been If you could watch, if you could watch one last set, like this was your last set before you just disappeared of anybody, a live like, it probably Joey. I was about to ask you, Joey, you're wrong. It was either one boy show with Joey and Ron would be the perfect way to get out this world. See that? Yeah. That's cool, man. That's a cool thing to know. Well, Joey, I love him so much. You know, it's not just that. I think he's the funniest guy ever. Is as I love that dude so much. I'd probably go out watching an open mic, you know what I mean? Go out the way you came in. Go out watching someone bomb. I feel like this is horrible, goodbye. I can't watch open mic's bomb. [1:026:02] No. I can't watch open mics bomb. No. I can't, I gotta get out of the room. I feel like it's contagious. Like when I would go on the road and I'd have a terrible opening act, it's always always in Florida. Florida. Well, they would throw people up. They'd been doing stand up for five minutes. They'd never done stand up before. It's like these people were terrible. So many of these clubs, they were so bad and I would be in the green room and I peek my hat out and watch this dude just eat shit and I'm like oh my god I gotta get my own head I can't pay attention to that because I would try to pay attention to make sure that they're not talking about stuff that I talk about you know I want to cover the same ground so I'd like listen to the opening act to try to figure out like oh he talked about that movie I can't talk about that movie let me adjust me adjust my set. But they were so bad I had a hide. My guard just got to be in this fucking room by myself. I had to listen to music or something. I can't do this man. I think it's contagious. Like you start thinking nothing's funny. There's nothing funny in the world. Nothing's funny. It's guys not funny. I feel that. But if someone's funny, then you feel feel like, oh good, I'm loose now. They're laughing, I'm laughing, everyone's having a good time. [1:027:06] I also try not to listen too much to other comics before I start trying to write in their voice or something like that. You know what I mean? Well that was a real problem in the come-up, right? When people are on their way up, a lot of people in New York sound exactly like David Tell. There was a lot of this, there was a lot of punchlines, just kinda like Dave, and it's just because his rhythm is so funny, it's so, he's such a virtuoso that when he's on stage, it's so smooth and it just, it goes into this, he's got this flow to him that's so contagious, and so you wanna be funny too, you're like maybe I need to talk like, maybe I need to talk about that. I need to talk like Dave. There's a lot of guys who get caught up in other people's. I did it for a while. I caught myself on stage once when I was an open-micre. I sounded exactly like Richard Jenny. I was a giant Richard Jenny fan. And I sounded like I was doing like his timing. [1:028:01] Like his, it was like, oh no. But I realized that while it was doing, I was like, yuck, don't do that. I feel like a lot of the comedians I see in New York will talk very fast. And then I kind of try to do that. But, and I tried to do that when I first started doing stand up too, I'd be so nervous, I'm just trying to get it out already. Yeah. But I can't talk that fast. And some people will get mad. Those are some of the, like, that's some of the feedback. I've gotten back on stand up. It's like, ah, it's just too slow for me. But I can't talk that fast because I won't be able to announce yet. And I think it It's like kind of big like I like this white ass tongue. So this guy I bet you if he sees he's gonna he's gonna freak out He loves like the credit. There's a guy named Bobby Goldsmith in Dallas who would go to the back door open Michael I and One time he told me he was like hey, man You're like you're funny. You have good material [1:029:01] It's like but the audience doesn't know it because you're talking too fast and you don't Anuncie he's like slow down. He's like talk slow. He's like talk slow And so I just let's just fuck it like I just put the nerves to the side Yeah, I just said the jokes as if I was reading them off a paper and I started getting more laughs And I was just like man like now I'm kind of finding my timing with it But like I'll never be able to talk super fast. You won't fucking understand. Some dudes mumble and then when they get on stage, they mumble like are you still mumble? And it was hard to understand what I go, dude, I don't know what the fuck you're saying when I'm your friend. You gotta clean those words up. Make those words real clear. These people don't know you. Yeah. Make those words real clear. These people don't know you. Yeah. Like you're a professional orator. Stop mumbling. I feel like I'm still learning how to hold the mic. Sometimes I'm like 30 minutes into a set and I just angle it up a bit. I'm like that sounds better. Oh you switch hands. [1:030:00] I used to only have to hold it in my right hand. Now it seems like I don't want to use my right hand anymore. I want to hold it with my left. And I switch back and forth for like years. I'll switch some times. But yeah, I can't. I have to hold it in my left. That's the other thing about Joey. He's the funniest guy ever that just leaves the mic in the stand. Oh man. Never takes a mic out of that stand. the chair, like don't get me wrong, I'll use the dig, that's one of my all time favorite comments. I think I do fucking hilarious, right? But people hype up the chair, like, oh, so tough to sit in the chair, like you gotta figure it out, like, not just anybody can sit in the chair, you know, it's only Cosby and I'll leave that configured that out, but I think one like fucking thing that I feel like I just can't do is leave the mic in the stand. I've tried that. I fucking bomb. I don't know what it is. I can't leave the mic in the stand. Joey uses both hands. He's got both hands going on, you know? [1:031:00] So he likes that fucking mic in the stand cock sucker. Some people got my buddy Hyman. I grew up with this, like my childhood best friend, goofy is fucking guy ever met. To me, this is like the funniest dude alive. Just some goofy nerd, like, not to talk to him, shit on my buddy Hyman, but just goofy in the face, like, just, we took a, I took a win-me when I did Bobby Lee's podcast and Bobby Lee was just like, who fucks this guy? And just fell in love with him instantly, like started fucking with him and shit. So I know that he's always wanted to do stand up. He's a comedy nerd. He's the one that really taught me how to like love comedy. We'd watch movies, shows, and he'd be laughing his ass off at shit that most people don't realize that that's an intentional joke, like in a story. We had like a falling out. And when things started popping off from me with comedy, we still weren't talking. But then we, you know, started talking again, where he's a photographer, a videographer back home, for like night clubs, very much in like the bar scene. So I'll tell him like, hey man, like come on the road with us. Just take pictures, record my sets, I can keep getting clips. Like, you know know if you want to be like yeah fuck it you'd come every now and then [1:032:05] then he started coming just every weekend and I'd be like go do five minutes like fuck it do three minutes do three minutes what are like tell a story you know tell him what we did last night when we were now in Chicago or something and it was just fucking go well I've never like I'm not even trying to hype this dude up too much But I never seen somebody go up on their first time and get that many laughs Not saying he had a fucking like just destroyed the room, but to get hair like I have that heavy on their first time I'm like bro, you know, there's something there like you're a true fucking comedy fan You're like a comic at heart like just keep fucking trying it. I was like I'll keep throwing you up on stage That's beautiful. But, you know, I also told him, like, is he still doing it? Yeah. He's been doing it a few months now. But I tell him, like, you gotta hit Mike's the one where at home, like, I'm not just gonna fucking throw you on stage so you can get babyed by mic crowds. Cause, you know what I mean? That's kind of, he's got even more Yeah, yeah, but he'll go up there and won't take the mic out of the stand sometimes like it's so jealous [1:033:06] I like your fucking you're doing good this early on and you're not taking the fucking mic at like oh man Absolutely, he was up there like he looks so cool. He looked like fucking nor McDonald with his body moves He's like Well, he's a comedy fan, you know, so if you're a comedy fan you're watching like a do you know Eleanor Carrigan? No, she's hilarious. She opens up for Dice Clay all the time. Okay. She was a waitress at the comedy store forever, forever. We always knew her as a waitress. And then she was a pro wrestler for a while. She did like pro wrestling. We all went to see her. She was at the forum. She was an easy rider. That was your attitude. Yeah, yeah, bro. She was like a motorcycle lady. She would fucking crush a pool ball in her hand and fucking intro videos. It was hilarious. She's really funny. But anyway, and then she started doing stand up. And we were like, oh, you are always a comic. You just never did it. And she's great. She had lines now. Fucking bad ass. But we knew We knew her for like 10 years as just the cool waitress. She was just our friend, our friend the cool waitress. [1:034:07] But she was always like a good judge of talent. It's someone come in from out of town. She was like the first person I go to. Yeah, some people know, man. I go, how was that guy? She's a pretty good, really, he's good, he's real. I don't even think I have that eye. Like to be able to see somebody early on and be like, nah, I think they got something or maybe later. But don't you, if they make you laugh, if they make you laugh, they got something, you know, they're like, ha, okay, you got something, you got something. Yeah, but sometimes, man, I don't know, you ever do that thing where you're watching a comic and even though they say something hilarious, sometimes you don't laugh, you're just fucking thinking about what they said Didn't oh yeah, but then there's people who do just make me laugh and I'm like holy fuck I couldn't even think about it like I didn't even have time to think about it. It just made me laugh Yeah, there's some guy like when Hicks came along, you know Hicks came along now and all of a sudden everybody wanted to say something It was so interesting because before that like even Richard Jenny He said I remember he was talking about watching Hicks he goes everything on watch Hicks with I keep thinking [1:035:02] He said, remember he was talking about watching Hicks, he goes, every time I watch Hicks with him, he keeps thinking, gosh, probably should be doing more like that. Something, I should really say something. Cause he would just say, shit, this is, you gotta realize, Hicks is before the internet. Okay, this is, Hicks was huge in like, 88, to when did he die? I think he died in like 93. When did Hicks die? And he was actually 95 because I think I'd already made my way 94 right so it already made my way to California when I heard that he died You're be careful with this thing. I feel like I'm a no flip the top push the top up this thing. Yeah, push that over there I had that thing there you go technology. Technology. It's crafty. Shout out to Calibri. Um, but Hicks was, uh, so this was like, there was no podcast back then. There was no audio books. So when Hicks was talking about shit, he was, he had like a different base of knowledge that he was working from than most comics. He was like really well read. [1:036:07] He would quote, gnome chomsky. You know, he had material that was like, who's that gnome chomsky? He's a linguist who is a very famous public intellectual who used to have debates with people on television. He's like one of the most measured and interesting people from the 1960s and the 1970s on foreign policy and all kinds of interesting things. But the point is, Hicks had this, he knew more about more things than other comics did. And when he talked about things, when he talked about the scams of talked about like the scams of war and what the fuck is going on in society, it was like, wow, it's got like super insightful. And then everybody wanted to be so insightful too. So there was a bunch of hiccloans. So there was a punch line in Atlanta. There was a green room and a bunch of people [1:037:00] signed the walls and the green room shit. You know, those are, and then this one thing just said, quit trying to be Hicks. And I was like, oh, and when Jamie moved the club, he said he was gonna save that for him, but I don't know where it happened with that. I'm like, that would be a beautiful piece of ancient comedy history. Yeah, you gotta be you. Yeah, but that was there was a lot of Hixie clones a lot of guys who wanted everybody to think they were really smart But Hix was really smart like he wasn't trying to get people to think he's really smart He was really smart and he just like had Thoughts that he wanted to get out and there was no podcast back then so all his thoughts He had to like all his ideas and philosophy he had to get out in comedy. So it was like deeper than other comedians. It was very interesting. And you know, some comics think it wasn't as funny as other comics. Like, okay. Yeah, he's not as funny as Kineson, but he had some fascinating points that made you think And you left the show and you were more, [1:038:07] you were stimulated in different ways. It was interesting and it was funny. It was very interesting now. That's a fucking, that's what I was talking about earlier. That's a dope part about comedy and watching different people style. If you're like sure, or a true comedy fan, but you can appreciate different forms of funny. Yeah, I love all kinds of funny. I love like Jim Gaffigan funny. I love Nate Bargazzi. Both of us got a squeaky clean Brian Regan's hilarious squeaky clean. You take a gram out of see Brian Regan. You know, you never have to worry about nothing and hilarious and then murder. I would like I try I try not to watch too much stand up. I feel like all I all I'm doing is stand up. I don't want I love it. I'm like obsessed with it But sometimes you know you still need like other shit. Yeah, right? But I Could sit down for hours on YouTube watch the same videos over and over again [1:039:01] Like the two comics that I feel like even if I never got to see anybody else perform But if I just these comics alone, Dave should pay a Mitch Hedberg. Oh yeah. Those two are like, that's it, that's it for me. But they both move at a slower pace too, which like fits your style, you know? How can you see that? And Mitch Hedberg was, he was so good at non-secwaters. You have one non-secwater into another non-secwitor. In my opinion, that's like the purest form of joke telling. Yeah. There's just all jokes. The only information in what he's saying is for the joke. Yes. Like there's nothing to even learn from it. Nothing. Just jokes. Just fear for the sake of the laugh. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like right now in the setup, I'm doing right now in the road. My first 10 minutes are like that. And then the rest is me just kind of, I don't know, I'm still working out the rest. But some of it, I could talk about some shit that some people take serious. But even on the shit that, like if I talk about an issue, it's never like a, let me, like it's never like a smart thing. It, cause I, I mean, I'm still learning a lot of shit. [1:040:05] So I feel like my comedy is very much just me being like, yo, I don't know what the fuck this is about, but here's what I think. Like I don't know, you know? Right, like Latino Republicans are weird. Yeah, like that's just what I think it's a little weird, man, it's a freak. Yeah, They don't have those opinions, man. They need to relax. Humans are feisty people though. People message me sometimes, like you have a platform. You gotta use a platform for good. Oh no, you don't. My platforms for joking. Shut up. Don't tell me how to use my platform. Yeah, you'll get a platform. Go talk to a politician. I don't know. You can't tell someone what they have to use their platform for. Show your mouth. People are crazy. Yeah, that's not your job. Also, like, I'm not even saying the shit I'm saying is like, right or wrong. I could be fucking up. We'll see, you know, and then. You're trying to be funny. Yeah, that's it. And the years to come, we'll see the mistakes I'm making. But I'm letting you a new bed It's like where is this thing going? [1:041:07] Gotta try a bunch of different ways in some ways you like yikes With that way that's fucking tits. I was terrible back up. Don't say it that way. I like you. That's your waiting ring Yeah, so it's silicone you wanted those dudes You wear a jewelry at our nah Where I have a real ring anytime I see a dude with like those rings, I'm like, that guy knows how to fight. That guy knows Jiu Jitsu or something, you know? That's, if you ever seen what happens when you get your finger caught in your ring and doing something like Jiu Jitsu. Uh-uh, it's called she-thing. It's a horrible injury. She think? She think. Where it takes the skin off of the meat of the bone, so the meat and the skin pull up and the wedding ring digs right down into the bone and tears everything apart. Oh, shit. Bro, see that, that's what happens with wedding ring injuries. What is that white? Is that like a string? [1:042:00] The ligament. The ligament? Yeah. I thought they tied it up. That shit is gone son. And there's a bunch. I know a dude who had that happen. It was a wedding ring. He was doing jujitsu. He has wedding ring on. Shedderna got married. Shedderna got married. Shedderna got married. Shedderna got married. Shedderna got married. Sh This is like, I could live with this. You wear the regular one when you go out, like, you know, something like that. We're Rolex, nice ring. Yeah. I like, I don't know, about this little chain. I always wanted like a little gold chain. That's a nice sized gold chain. It's pretty, I think it's flexy enough. Yeah, it's got a little chain. Yeah, I mean, I am gonna buy a big one eventually. Like a rapper, like just fucking, they each have one. Yeah, and I will wear it to like a club one night and just, whoa. Let the ego come out a bit. I feel like, I feel like I try my best not to. Let the ego come out. Yeah. What's the ego? You know, like the ego, like your ego, like, you know, something, I don't know. I get it. I'd never been like a nightclub guy like to go out [1:043:07] I used to go with my buddy when we were younger and he started doing the videography and shit But there was a comedy club down the street from like the club scene in Dallas So whenever the shows would be done or whatever I'd walk down the street and just dressed like just left warm water some shit And I just helped my buddy carry like camera camera equipment or just hang out with him, have a beer. And I've see guys just flexing hard, you know, local dope dealers or guys that work nine or five, but they're in there just trying to show out, you know? And it's crazy, it's crazy that that's the place to like, fucking prove yourself. And everybody wanted to be in there, man man like that club culture was fucking nuts to me I'd stand outside with this guy named Jojo. He's a door guy. He looks like a Buddha huge He's Mexican with his eyes. He can't even open anymore They gave him a hoodie with a Buddha on it and I said Jojo staff And there'd be guys just trying to come in like what's up, bro? [1:044:02] Like can you I'll get you a hundred bucks? You let us in and they'd be like, all right, well you guys get in and then sometimes they'd leave a guy behind. I remember there was a guy every like every hour. There was one guy at least for every hour that they'd be like, well, not you because last week you were in here starting shit. And they'd be like, come on all, why do you hang out with these people? It just left you literally out in the cold. You can see our breath. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, bro? Go to another club. Go find new friends. It's like, that's crazy. And then they sit there. Come on, man, come on, man. It's like, create that they want to be in there. And then when they're in there, it's all about the guy who has the higher than the rest of it Oh, like bottle service bottle service the guy who has a bottle guys showing up people start throwing money in there Right and I was in there. I was in there like a nobody just watching Like I just want to make what the fuck what is it? And then one day We started I started getting to tour like with my sister there [1:045:02] Yeah, you got we started getting to tour of October, 2022, right? I didn't go out doing nothing like that. If I would go out, I'd go to dive bars. I started going to bars in New York with my buddies out there. It's fucking dive bars. I fell in love with that shit, drinking in some place, some shitty place until 4 a.m. It was fun. Our New Year's was my first show back home and was my first time selling out back home and just I was like I'm gonna get it out I'm gonna do that what I saw them do and how they used to shit on me I'm gonna do that tonight on New Year's night I'm gonna go to a club with my friends I'm gonna get a bottle and I'm gonna just go all out see what see what it feels like it was it was fucking awesome for like an hour and then people start trying to like test you And I'm like no bro. I thought I thought I figured it to shit over This fucking six by six foot piece of real estate that I've never gonna own like how would it test in you? Well, they start trying to stand on your section So you're standing on the main floor, right? [1:046:03] But if you take one step back your six inches Elevated on the other little platform here, which is my section that I paid like 300 bucks for for the night And you gotta like tell them bro get off my section or you just get you just get more strangers on your section Oh, no, you're right and they're doing it on purpose because it's like this ego like I'm the man in here You know what I mean? So yeah, so it was fun for a minute, but I'm like nah, I'd rather not do that. I'd rather not do that. So after that, if I do go to clubs or bars, I'll never buy a section again. I'm not gonna pay extra money for elevated floor just so people can fucking try to like I'm the like, if I'm gonna go out there, I'm just gonna get drunk, might do some shrooms, I'm gonna have a good time no matter what the fuck I'm at. I think you're better off in a dive bar with your sensibilities. Yeah, the reason why people do that is because they don't have other things going on. The reason why someone wants to be the guy with the corner or these six inches elevated and where all the gold chains and the big watch and all the jewelry and shit [1:047:06] It's because that's like the way you stand out. I tell you what I'm gonna do I'm still gonna go back and shit on these people don't give me a fuck But I tell you how I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna buy the 1989 Michael Keaton Batmobile And when they see me pulling up to that in the club or leaving in that how can you top that? You did whatever you had to do in the club, you threw your money, you looked good for the night But your girl's probably gonna want to go home with Batman, you know? I bet that car drives like shit probably, but what does that car look like pull up the Michael Keaton Batmobile? I don't even remember what it looked like Does that what it looks like? Yeah, I'll paint it myself too. That's been one of my dreams is to paint the back I take it back. That looks pretty dope pretty sick right that thing's amazing That's amazing does someone make that? Someone makes that the Peter God made it yeah, but yeah, I bet you get someone to make it is bro That's what you should do don't buy that in Paula. They would never sell that one. It's a 67 in Paul. [1:048:05] Oh, it's based off of it. Bro, drive it. Oh, shit. Yeah, I love in Paul's. I never knew. No one did. I think drives like shit. You gotta do something with that suspension. You gotta send that shit to a roaster shop. I bet roaster shop could make you a Batmobile. I'm down or someone like that like someone who does like custom work. There's some dudes out there look at those But in pure vision I could see Steve strobe Can you go back to the to the buttons the panel what time I it was like my first time going to Las Vegas And it was also my first like heavy heavy emotional trip I got in the front seat of a taxi cab because my friends are big guys like on the heavy side Right, I could have fit it in the back with them. I got it in the front and I was just tripping really hard the whole front looked like all that tripping hard. In the taxi cab. In the taxi cab. Oh, so like the CB radio and all that. Yeah, it looked like you were in the Millennium Falcon almost. Mm. Yeah, whenever I look at a pilot, do your peak through where the pilots are. See all that shit they got? Imagine if the pilot died, [1:049:06] you had to figure those things out. So these buttons up here, buttons down there, fuck. That's too many buttons. Too many buttons. How do they, I always like, every time with pilot lands, I'm like, you can't see that, like, I don't know, man. Pilot's landing scared the shit out of me. It should. Flying just scares the shit out. I do wanna learn to fly though, but I want those little, the little ones that you can land on water. But I heard those crash a lot. But they do. I bet they do. I've ever flown in those before. You, but you have you flown one? No, no, no, I've been Alaska and landed on a lake. Oh shit. Yeah, we're camping in Prince Edward's Island. I think that's it is. Yeah. Does there actually Prince on that island? I don't think so. If he is, he's dead. It rains there like every day, every day of the year. Basically, every day of the year. [1:050:00] Do you ever think it rains like 300 days a year or something crazy? Do you ever hate when you're like out of no bout in its raining? I like rain, but I like it when I'm home. Well, one thing that rain does do for you, if you spend a week in the rain, when you get back home, especially like somewhere like California where it's like sunny, it's like, oh my god, it feels amazing. It feels amazing. Like you don't know what the sun really feels like until you've been like dumped on in a tent every day for a week. All right. You're so cold, you're never dry out. I think I need that, because right now I'm sick of the sun. Fuck the sun. It's because you live in a place that has great weather. Yeah. California, that's the number one thing people get spoiled by, is that weather. That weather's perfect. That's why everybody moved there. Additionally, to do films because they could do movies out there and it was never raining. You never had to like, if you had an outdoor scene in it, rain, you were fucked. You have a favorite movie? A favorite one? No. We're about a top three. I don't think I do. At least for the week, you know? Well, okay. This week right now is High Plains Drifter. I watched High Plains Drifter the other day for the first time in years I forgot I've never seen I got check it out. Oh high planes drifter [1:051:06] I think it's from the 1970s. It's one of them Clint Eastwood movies. Oh, I love Clint Eastwood Clint Eastwood is a type of guy that when I first saw him on on a movie like an old movie I was like whoa what if he's racist, but even if you were like he's fucking badass He could be racist like he wants a Salmon like those old westerns shooting Mexicans. I was like fucking bro. Do what you got to do What is it called again? High planes drifter All right there. I'll actually like with the karma mother's I write so I could feel like I'm writing like big number. It's a ghost story It's about a dude he gets a spoiler alert to move from the 70s right when what year was that moving? 73 It's about a guy who gets whipped to death. He's the sheriff in this town. He gets whipped to death and he comes back. He comes back and kills everybody. He comes back as Clint Eastwood. And they don't recognize that it's him because he looks totally different. Kind of like Chuckie. But he appears out of nowhere [1:052:00] in the beginning of the movie. It's like this fucking heat. You know those heat waves you see when you look on a highway, it's like it looks like a mirage. So this heat wave, he just appears, I don't know where in this heat wave rides in a town, fucks the whole town up, kills everybody. And then rides back out the same way, disappears. Goes back to hell or heaven's back to hell. He painted the whole town red. Hell yeah. It's a wild movie, but it's also a wild movie because it's a time capsule. Like you have to look at old movies and imagine you're living in 1973. You can't look at an old movie from 2023 perspective. 1970s movies are some of the best films. And I feel like if it's a good movie, I will just kind of get captured in it. And when I do go out and about again, I was like oh shit This is some great movies. I like I don't know. There's like a point to this movie or what's this? I Did you say you name was again? [1:053:09] I didn't He's a man with no name. I fucking love that. It's a great movie. I wish I couldn't even get introduced on stage I wish I could just walk on stage he kills everybody bro and They don't understand it It's a wild movie look at at that guy, he's like, why are you killing us? But it's a wild movie because it's a movie from 1973. Like that's the whole thing about it. It's like you gotta put yourself in 1973 to really enjoy it. This might be me being too picky with movies, but it is kind of tough to watch like a Western movie these days in such high definition. Like, I don't know, it's a little weird man. I love movies from the 70s. I really like dog day afternoon. Oh yeah. I like that movie Saturday night fever. Oh man, that's a great movie. It's a little too intense when like, John Travolta's character is just like, what is her name that grow that ends up getting [1:054:01] like kind of raped by those dudes? Not kind of, like you got raped, but I forget her name. And he's all like, you see, is that what you want? I'm like, oh shit bro, she's got rape, like comfort her or something. And then his friend falls off the bridge and all the attention goes to that. I'm like, hey, he just raped that chick. So that part of the movie is dope as fuck. Yeah. Well, it's dope as fuck, because you're also realizing that those people are doing the exact same thing that people are trying to do at the club sitting on that platform. They're trying to show out, and they're trying to show out by dancing. I'm just intrigued by club culture and general man. Yeah. Being the man at the club. Being the man. Yeah, when you saw him dance, like, oh my God, look at him go. Yeah. And you know what though? When the part that really made me feel like, look at him go, it's the beginning of that movie. He's just like walking. Yeah. And then he gets two pizzas and falls them together. I'm gonna come back for it. I'll be like, hey, yeah, that's life right there. Give me some give me some volume [1:055:17] This is the life go Rogan's what there's a guy watching 70s movies Look how good he looks When he walks he's dancing I Mean that dude's dancing when he walks. Yeah, he's hey girl I never mind hey oh yeah that's life you know what a great song too oh yeah cuz that song is really that song is what the movies are all about I mean they're just trying to... Give me to a... Look how handsome he was by the thing. God damn, John. He's on two pieces. Two slices at the same time. Got the little gold chain. That's what inspired me to get the gold chain of John from Ulta, you know? Little fizzas, little flash. [1:056:01] This is a great movie. But it also gave me a lot of anxiety. What year was that movie? 77 I'm guessing I feel like you're guessing You ever get a story oh, sorry, what are you guys? No, I was 10 years old when that movie came out And I remember getting anxiety about being an adult. Yeah, yeah, because I mean They didn't know what the fuck they were doing with their life. Oh, yeah dancing everybody's falling apart and people are dying. I feel like all all life is this people just going with it Yeah, nobody really knows, you know, but also didn't have any fucking Avenue's like where do you go? What do you do? Oh, I heard a heard on Honduras Honduras, there's no like Adresses I could be wrong. Maybe they haven't by now, but they don't have addresses. They don't have like that Get mail So so the mail man just knows where you live You think I'm making this like I Is like one town on doors of a whole country. I think it's a lot of towns. I could be wrong I could but here's like from the stories I've heard so my my son I have a four-year-old son right his mom is half [1:057:05] Here's like from the stories I've heard so my son I have a four year old son right his mom is half Honduran His mom though has never met her biological father But my son's grandma, you know obviously knows who this guy is she would tell me these stories It's cool lady man. She was telling me how like when she was I think she was pregnant or when her when my son's mom was a baby She went to Honduras because her baby daddy had gotten deported. Whoa. Yeah. And she didn't have the rest. Guys were public in that, not kidding. These were public. I don't know. But she went to Honduras. It's all like, I guess be with the guy or at least look for the guy I don't know. And she says it's like crazy dangerous. It's like the majority of the the people walking around with machetes. Whoa. And I could be mixing it up. Because I've also heard stories about Salvadorians. I do have a story that confirms sort of what you just said. Yeah? Really? Was this a... Someone on the trip advisor just says, I'm trying to find help from my husband that gets his US visa, needs his mom's street address and Cholue Teca. [1:058:02] And then someone responds and says, very few streets have formal names It's common to see addresses such as X neighborhood Red House behind the church. Well across from the Venezuela, Spurrow. Well, if you know the name or look at someone you got to be a skilled fucking mailman Right, when do you think they first like when they first started making towns? What was the first dude to say this is a Mike's Lane? It has to be a fucking fed up mailman It has to be a mailman who just who was like I got a get in charge of this town to fucking figure out these problems Right, what would they do before mail man? Before there was the mail memory No, they had to get letters to each other somehow. I mean, I know these use Ravens All right, that's pretty cool send a Ravens, Game of Thrones, you know, live stream. Life has got way too comfortable these days, man. We need to go back to like where you had to learn to communicate with Ravens. Wolves in the street. Wolves in the street. Mushrooms in religion. Mushrooms in the church. Wolves in the street. [1:059:07] That's my next fucking special right there. It's not a bad thought, but a lot of people are gonna die. I think we peaked somewhere in the 90s. I think that was enough technology. Technology-wise? Yeah. Like I was enough comfort. Things were easy enough, you know? We could cop people, you know. Face time? Yeah, but the internet is the most important thing that's ever happened to people. Actually, Egypt started mail system. Oh wow. Ancient Egypt. Wow. 2,400 BCE when Pharaoh's use courier to send out decrees throughout the territory of the state. The earlier surviving piece of mail is also Egyptian, which dates back to 255 BCE, recovered from the boy. Try saying that word. I bet when they did invest in an order. I've B.C.E. recovered from the boy. Try saying that word. I bet when they did invest in an award. Try saying that word. Oxerin, Heinzschuss. Heinzschuss. Oxerin, Oxerin, Kuss. Oxerin, Heinzschuss. Oxerin Heinzschuss. What do you think, Jamie? I think the second one he said was probably the best. If you click on it, does it tell you how to say it? Oxerina, cus. Oxerina, oxerina, cus. [2:0:06] Oxerina, cus. Oxerina, cus. It might be some weird way of saying it, you know? Is it like a Google for the word? Okay, let's see if you can see how to say it. How do you say it? This is a tell you Oxa rinkus Oxa rinkus Oxa rinkus It's Greek Interesting Oxa rinkus Yeah, taxes though I think it's that Wow You think you could impress like a scholar type girl with that word? Nope Hey baby, oxa rinkus You don't want to impress anybody is impressed by big words. You don't want to impress them You know, they're so stupid. anybody is impressed by big words. You don't want to impress them. They're so stupid. They're impressed by big words. I've heard too that like the most intelligent people, the most polite way of communication, the most intelligent way of communication is just making sure they understand what you're saying. So if you say it in the simplest words, that's technically the more intelligent route, [2:1:00] the more polite route. Right, because you know sometimes people are fucking with you with the using words You know are not common words. Yeah, and you have to go I always ask was that mean? Yeah, you gotta ask what that means I'm sure it means because some people pretend. Oh, yeah, I don't know. It's like the club shit They're showing off the Rolex, but they're have a role. They're showing off the big words. You ever see Dennis Miller's act Mm-hmm Dennis Miller was a killer back in the day. In Dennis Miller, like his part of his comedy that was very different from anybody else's comedy is really obscure references to like, you know, ancient literature and fucking early rulers and like obscure like people were laughing, they didn't even know what the fuck they were laughing at. Like it was like weird references. Like you had to be very fucking smart and well read to know. I don't even know if he knew him. You know what I'm saying? But that was part of the style. I like that. Like he was a smooth intelligent guy that was talking down to you. That's pretty. [2:2:00] I mean, but it was funny. It was funny material. It was a shit. If you got them, you got to flex them sometimes, you know? I guess, but it becomes a thing, right? That's what you're doing. And then that takes people out of like, that it's never really you, you're doing this thing. Yeah, you know? Yeah, I think I know. Which is okay too? Look, it's all okay. Like, caratops great. Pull out props. Is it funny? Yeah, great. It's great, but it's very different. Very different than Mitch Hedberg. It's very different than Richard Pryor. Like, it's all great. So it's all, but it's everybody's got their own way that they want to do it. And that's one of the cool things about comedy. It's like, you can't tell, you can kind of give your friends advice. You can say, hey man, like maybe you should slow your words down, so people can understand you. But everybody does it different. Everybody does it different. Everybody does it. You got to find out how you do it. It's got to somehow or another match your personality for real. It's got to be the most, the best way you can do it. And for some people, it's a character. Some people they create a character in the go on stage with it. That's great too. It's like what is it called finding your voice? [2:3:07] Yeah. Well dice. Dice became dice. Dice was Andrew Silverstein and his standup in the early days. He used to do a Travolta impression. It was amazing. He had an amazing Travolta impression. He's an incredible impersonator. He does amazing impressions, but he just never does him. And then he would do this character called the Dice Man. And this character was the funniest part of his act. It was so funny. And that's when he'd do all those rhymes and shit. And this guy would be this fucking wild dude from Brooklyn. And then he just became Dice. I saw him perform live at Hyenas. Oh nice. That was fucking awesome. Yeah dice is awesome I was I was a fan of dice when I was 19 years old So for me to be friends with him now just trips me out all the time whenever I'm around him that trips me out I was I was it was I was 19 years old. I was parked in a car in front of my house With this girl I was dating and we were just listening to I had a cassette player in my car. We were listening to dice and [2:4:06] We're both howling laughing just howling laughing back then like a lot of the comedy that I would listen to I'd listen to girl with girls I was dating you know It was a fun thing to do like hey you want to listen to some comedy and we sit down there and back then you there There was no internet man. You had to put a fucking record on and You'd listen to an old Richard prior album you know and me listening to dice with this girl like well just how I never even thought about doing comedy at that point that was just fun with it was just to me was just like this is hilarious and so now I'm friends with them it's so weird it's fun it's a badass feeling though it's crazy I get a text message from dice every now and again I I'm like, Jesus Christ. That's Dice Clay. Yeah, yeah. It's wild. I feel that. I think especially when you're young, like if you're 19 years old, you're a fan of someone and then as a grown man, you're the other friend, it's odd. I'm a big Mark Norman fan. I love Mark Norman. I always watch his such as Clips, like a huge fan. And then I got to like open for a meter. [2:5:06] He was like super cool as fuck, you know what I mean? He just hung out whatever. We got to do birds like tour. He helped me write a bit. Like the show was like, oh, and real. I was like, holy shit. Like, I just was watching this dude, you know what I mean? Right, right. Now your friends with them. Yeah. Well, right now I just remembered when we were watching that John Travolta stuff and you said he did an impression. I don't know, I got heard this story, I don't know if it's true or not, but I heard that when John Travolta was like blowing up right after like Saturday night fever. Right. I heard that Freddie Prince like ran into his apartment with like a crossbow or something. You hear that? Freddie Prince like ran into his apartment with like a crossbow or something. You hear that? Freddie Prince pulled a gun somebody. Or maybe it was a gun. Maybe I just imagined it was a crossbow. Actor Freddie Prince says, actor Jimmy Walker says Freddie Prince once tried to kill John Travolta. Jesus Christ. That's all I gotta do. [2:6:01] It was a crossbow. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. You gotta pull the crossbow on people. So he talked about it during the comedy show of the comedy store documentary series. Walker claims that Prince called him one day and announced we got to kill John Travolta. He says I'm going to kill this guy. I'm the biggest star on TV. good times star 73 were called I said well a lot of people are on TV I'm on TV Walker said Prince shot back you're not bigger than me man I'm the biggest guy I'm the best guy everybody knows me I'm the funniest guy oh my god he was crazy man when I started going up behind you know some of the people that would work they would be like you might be afraid he prints so he fired three arrows into John Travolta's door. Oh my God. Oh my God, that's hilarious. That's what John Travolta said when it was happened. He said, oh my God. Oh my God. That's crazy. He shot himself when he was 22 years old, man. Freddie Prince? Oh shit. I didn't know that. [2:7:01] I knew it. I was a kid back then, but my grandfather used to love that show Chico and the man. He was on there. Yeah. That was his show. That was a show that blew him up. Bro, he blew up on television. He was like 20 years old. I love his clothes. He had a sitcom. You can find his clips on YouTube. I like. I love watching his. He's good comic. What was his, how old was he when he did Chico and the Man? My grandfather loved Sanford and sons, Chico and the Man and all the family. He wasn't in look 22, he looked older. I feel like back then people just looked older quicker. They died in year 22. They died in year 22. That was his third season so it would have started at 19. Holy shit. Wow. People used to age faster for sure. Oh yeah, you ever seen that thing when they show pictures of Archie Bunker and Edith Bunker and you find out how old they really were? Yeah, he does not look like 22. That looks like a 35 year old man. Yeah. [2:8:00] Right? Now I feel like Anne Hathaway. She's I don't know how old she is but she looks 19 Yeah, some of those ladies are keeping it together now. Yeah, even even the guys and there's all those conspiracies They're like the children's blood a little monotony I Put checkerboard flooring Dream of chrome on the floor of my special and people keep thinking like free Mason I like they got them. Oh my god. I just like check a board flooring. Bro, I went to a satanic wedding with Duncan Trussell. And Duncan Trussell, he has this character called Little Hobo. And Little Hobo is a puppet and he brings Little Hobo out and he tells everybody that his grandfather just died and he left behind his puppet. And he's fucking, this is a satanic puppet. It's one of the funniest bits I've ever seen in my life. It's an amazing bit. So he does this guy who is like Anton Le Vays, grandson I think, their Satanists. And so they hired Duncan to do this routine at a satanic wedding. I go to the satanic wedding and I take a picture with this dude. [2:9:03] And to this day, people think I'm a Satanist now. Because I was like, fuck you. Like I was like, this is so ridiculous. They're just silly people. I mean, I don't know if they're doing like real Satanic shit when we're not around. But like, I was like, I expected it to be like, I wanted to just experience it. So we went, we got barbecued. We were off the rail we're in another dimension we're looking at life through like a a water covered Shower door like it was like everything was very strange and so to me watching dunkin do this little hobo routine in front All these fucking Satanists it was just wild but it was hilarious It was a fun time, but they were just like I don't know what their thing is. Duncan says they're just hedonists. They don't follow any rules, and that's what they think of as Satanism, but you know, maybe they do some creepy shit like, I bet you're even in the religion of worshiping Satan. There's like different forms of it. I bet you're even there just like, [2:010:00] you're not doing it, right? This is how you do it. Right. There's probably like hardcore Satanists who really are out there murdering homeless folks. And then there's other people that are like, you know, we just like dressing up like devils. Yeah. I remember seeing some shit like on TV one time where they're like there's rules to it. Like to a certain like they're like, if you're a Satanist, Satanist, there's like their own ten commandments like you're not supposed to kill animals unless it's like necessary for food Oh really? Yeah, like never harm like children or women or some shit like they have like rules that even the devil's like I bro, this is even too far. I don't know. We'll find out when we get to hell. What was who was the guy that Stumbled upon that Satanist place in the middle of the woods Remember there's that one dude that we had on? And there was a guy who used to work for NASA who was a real satanist, like in the church of Satan, and this abandoned place with this guy [2:011:03] used to do his research at. Someone went to visit it. Who is it? But this guy like Was it Python cowboy? Yeah, but like what time frame is this that he works at NASA like they help us get to the moon my 1960s 1950s or 1960s. I think the 50s. So it was in the 90s. Yeah, let's go back and find out I think it's crazy This is one of the guys that helped us get to the moon. Well bro This guy used to wear like the outfits and everything with his photos of him like at a real St. Lawrence and like some nerdy glasses He was like an open Satanist like you could kind of be an open Satanist and still be a rocket scientist in the 1960s They hadn't figured out that was kind of fucked up yet [2:012:05] There was a lot of shit that they hadn't figured out that that was kind of fucked up yet ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha of Germany's rocket scientists, including Werner von Braun. So who's this cat? Jack Parsons. Jack Parsons. Says his father John Parsons. So go on that photo there. That's him dressed up in all the Satanist shit. It looks like lower, look at that. He looks like Iron Man's dad in the movies and the Avengers movies. This guy used to fucking dress up, click on that link, because that's the story Fucking out for this guy imagine this guy's a rocketry pioneer. That's crazy And we know so more to deviant occultist Jack Parsons was the ultimate mad scientist So this motherfucker was like a real rocket scientist and Also a Satanist that's not it's man crazy. How do you have all this knowledge? Scroll back now. Yeah, such an intelligent smart person. Good memory. And then you dress so goofy me. No him. Oh This guy this guy. Well, he dresses normal unless he's doing the satanist thing But that's not saying though like you know how to fuck you know rock you know you're a little rocket scientist [2:013:03] You know about rockets and then in your free time You're like input at this goofy as ghetto Yeah, so the 1930s when the suicide squad began conducting their explosive experiments rocket science belong largely to the realm of science fiction Wow, so this guy So they were thinking it was all horseshit It was mostly science fiction. And this guy was like a legit rocket scientist, who's also a Satanist. So this guy's place, this Python cowboy dude, went to this guy's place and he said there's like, blood splatter on the walls. There was like a chair that had like this red puddle underneath it. He was like, it creeped him the fuck out and he ran out of there. This is it. It creeped him the fuck out and he ran out of there. This is it. That guy went to his place. Yeah, he went to the facility and people were, he said there's all sorts of stuff on the walls. Yeah, I said there's like, look, they got these people spray-painted upside down crosses on the rocks and shit. I know he had video footage of it, but he said it's really creepy. [2:014:05] So this is him when he, like, he's stumbling upon, like, you got Latin written on the walls and it's weird. So a lot of these places, I guess, these Satanists had come in and they're doing, like, their little rituals in this place, little psychos. Earlier when I said that we, like, went to follow technology, I'm starting to take it back. Take it back. Now I feel like, hey, man, kill some time on Netflix or Instagram. Like don't go spray paint upside down crossing the story. Yeah. Don't be sacrificing people in the woods. Don't get Disney plus or something. Yeah, get Paramount plus. Yeah. Go watch the new South Park one, the Panda versus. Hell yeah. But you know, there's always been people that are like doing secret things on the fringe, there's always been people like that that are doing forbidden secret things in society. Yeah, little penis people. Well, that has to be what it is. You gotta find something to obsess about. You gotta distract people from your real issue sometimes. [2:015:00] I think there's also people that are in these elite circles of world leaders and shit like that. I think they probably like to do the creepiest, most deranged shit secretly. You know, like they have these little secret societies together. For sure. I think it's always been the case. There's gotta be some weird shit going on. Too much time and money on your hands can lead to some like, how do I achieve the next level of being elite? You know what I mean? There was this guy and so like, when I used to go work at my desk body shop, we stopped at this gas station sometimes. And that area was a lot of like, it's like a hood area that would neighbor like, the mansion area. So there's like a lot of rich folk around there too. And sometimes, man, there'd be people doing weird shit. There was a guy, his little memory still goes through my head. Not like a leedware shit, but just weird. Like there was a guy who would hold like his paintings, like from his house. It was like really nice paintings. The park, he had like an old school, [2:016:01] I don't remember what he drove. So this fucking expense. I just remember this guy's like rich. Let me just hold like these fucking paintings and just stand on the street like a homeless man. And it's just fucking... Just want everybody to see his painting. Yeah, it's just nuts. He just it's just fucking rich crazy guy with way too much time on his hands. And when I saw that I was like bro like once you reach a level of money like you probably just do crazy shit just for the fuck out just for just because you can you know what I mean especially if all you do is make money like that's what those dominatrix ladies always say their clients are always these guys are like these CEOs of mega corporations and they just want to get pissed on it you know that slap fucking nuts yeah they want to get tied up and thrown in the corner shut the fuck up They come on and kick them in the balls. They want that bro You're seeing that movie. I mean, there's like they made the movie about the movie the room. Yeah That was like Tommy was what's in the album? I'm a man. I was messed up But there's that scene in the movie that made fun of the movie, we were like Joel Rogan's character, [2:017:05] like a director, goes to the bank and he's like, I wanna catch this check. And they're like, oh yeah. And he's like, holy shit, it worked. And the bank teller's telling him, he's just like, this guy's bank account. It's like a bottle of this pit. That amount of money has to be don't know what the fuck you're doing. Like that guy, which is funny. Or you probably also do scary shit. Like that's the scary amount of money to have. So I know people who like, you know, struggle financially probably like, oh man, if I could just have this money, if I could just have that money. Like yeah, life would be easier. But if there's no challenge, there's no maze I'm really gonna do it that much free time. I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna get in a homemade submarine, dying the ocean. You see what I'm saying? Like, two-footed dudes. That's exactly what I was like. That was $250,000 a ticket to get in that submarine and die. Why? And the submarine had no windows, right? We had like little small windows. You don't really see things through a screen. Screen may call me old school, but I feel like if I spend $250,000 on the ticket [2:018:05] I want like a luxurious experience. I want to see the fucking ocean That through a tiny little screen. I walk communication with the outside world like I don't I do want to get rich No, give me wrong. I do want to get rich because I feel like pretty soon There you know, what are you gonna buy? I'm not a car you gonna get I mean, I'm not too worried about all that I really want to say money like painting. Don't you want to go to the moon? Oh, you want to those do. Yeah, Elon Musk is probably going to offer ride soon, you know, 250 bucks, 250,000 to take it. I think you could already get into space for that amount of chatter. Yeah. Yeah. I think you can get into space for like 250. I want to go to space. Like the blue origin. Don't they supply people in the space? Bro, you wanna wait a few years. Yeah? Yeah, I definitely want them to get the kinks out. Yeah, it'll make sense. Work out the glitches and what? You don't wanna die in a fiery ball of hell. Yeah. Crash it into the ocean, burning alive. Nah, yeah. Blue Origin, for suborbital flights, Blue Origin typically charges around 200 to $300,000 per person. Cost includes a one hour flight and a three hour preparation program [2:019:06] for those looking to go into orbit, blue orbit origins, orbital launch services range from 50 million to 100 million per person. Yo. That's a big difference. That is a giant difference. Sob orbital is that good? You go up for, I think they send you up for about a minute or two and then you just float back down. How far do you go? What's the height? What's suborbital? Suborbital means you're not going out technically of the range where you need to go. You're going very, very high. That's the wild motherfucker. For Red Bull or whatever? Yeah, that's my friend. Yeah? That's Andy Stump. Man. Yeah. He's a psychopath. No, no, no, no, no. That's a different guy. Andy did, but Andy did something similar. He was on a fucking plane. Did there sub-overlure right here? Okay. Floating so they're above earthy get to look down their weightless like a William Shadner [2:020:05] He's like I'm too old for this shit, but you don't you don't get way up there where you're looking down on the ball I don't even think that's fun right there because are you even it's like I feel like the earth is so bright You can't even see the stars and shit. You're definitely probably won't see a star. No, you don't see the stars I'm not go. I don't, yeah, I don't know. Look, they're even seeing them in the spaceship. You gotta go way the fuck up there. I wanna go into like the abyss. You probably do when you're on the dark side, don't you think, Jamie? Yeah, but how many, no one's been there for a long time? Right, but you go over there for a whiz, right? You're like, 17,000 miles an hour, right? Isn't that the space station? Yeah, I honest, I mean, I could look, we have to look into this. I think the only star you could probably see is the sun. Huh, what? If it's gonna happen to you. When you're on the other side, the dark sun, my financial plan. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do that. Nah, nah, nah. [2:021:06] If I'm like, imagine you come back anywhere in the Mongol days, you're like, motherfucker. What is the Mongol days? Like when Ginghis Khan ruled the earth and Khan had 10% of the population. That was, it sucked, I don't know. I hope not even to come back though. I just go somewhere else. Maybe Maybe there's like another planet, another universe, another dimension. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know maybe Remember when Bradley Cooper went through it and then he came back and Earth was like saved But they're like living in these like cylinder fourth dimension things or something like that Is the interstellar you see interstellar? Oh, that wasn't Bradley Cooper. That was Matthew McConaughey, right? Matthew McConaughey I was getting this list. I was confused. Yeah But the Cooper get his chance to but yeah Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, that was a great movie bro Even he got back in the ship. It was like nah, I'm out Okay during spacewalk in earth shadow astronauts and sea stars once their eyes adjust to the darkness Holy shit your eyes have to adjust to the darkness of space, but that's space walks in earth shadow [2:022:02] I don't think that's the same Okay That's space walks in earth shadow. I don't think that's the same Okay, space station habitable artificial satellite in low-Earth orbit that serves space environment that trip that trip I've told you about a few times that Steve aoki supposed to go on to supposed to be like one of the first man trips back around the moon since Steve aoki Don't die in the moon bro. I said this to him before. Let me say it again. Don't it buddy. That guy is fucking badass. He's badass. He's cool dude, dude He's not like cool people. He's very cool I don't uncrew for first mission to moon Steve you want to be on the 100th mission, but by the way I think they did a hundred of those submarine dives before that one exploded. Oh shit I think they did a bunch of them damn It wasn't like they were the first people they probably go you got the kinks worked out. I'll try this bitch out Then at a hundred times what could go wrong? Even car accidents happen every day well if you send the same thing down there a hundred times You also go to think like how many times can it go before it caves in have you guys pressure tested that motherfucker at 30,000 feet below the earth? [2:023:06] That's just another whoever, however deep you're going. Such a scary thing about the sea, the fucking pressure. If you come up too fast you could like get sick right? You got to get the pens. Yeah, you fucked up. Are there other things like that submarine chip available that we just don't know about? I'm sure there are. I'm sure that's not the only one, right? I bet the Russians will take you down. Remember that movie with the Russian, the Odessa files? Is that what it's called? Yeah, yeah. That was called the documentary. The Odessa, what was it called? But there was a documentary where this dude, they offered to sell him a fucking submarine. This drug dealer. Operation Odessa. This, he goes, do you want nukes too? He's like, what? What the fuck? Nukes. The offer to sell them nukes. They offer to sell them nukes. They offer to sell them a submarine. That's true freedom, I guess, you know? Well, I think if you got that drug dealer money. That's right. [2:024:05] Taylor Russell, who was a guest on the podcast and told us all about this. This is a wild dude who's a real guy. A Russian mobster in Miami sold a Soviet submarine to Colombian coax mugglers. Seven years ago, filmmaker, Taylor Russell was preparing to meet the former Russian mobster at the center of Miami's craziest true crime True crime caper of the 90s and he was hoping or more like praying a guard at the prison deep in a Panamanian jungle wouldn't screw him over Yeah, it's an amazing story the document is incredible, but it's it's all true like they really they back then after the collapse of the Soviet Union They're like what do you want you want to buy nuclear bumps? We sell the nuclear bumps. I got it right there. Yeah, I got it. Fucking check it out. Yeah, it's a great documentary submarine. He did an amazing job with that film too. It's like the way it puts it together, like what? But it's all real stories. [2:025:01] I think back then, like you could buy shit. You need a tank? You talk to Victor. Victor can get you a tank. That's what I like about it. You want a big tank? That's what I like about it. Just being here in Texas. I feel like, most shit you could buy. Most shit you could buy tigers out here. Yeah, one of my uncles had a tiger, but he said he got really expensive to feed it. Oh, I would imagine. He was down in South Texas, also doing some less than legal business. And he said he's feeding like a lot of chickens. Yeah, these chickens hold. Yeah. But that's like a snack for a tiger. He was like, after a while, he's like, I got too fucking expensive to keep it. How many chickens you got to feed a tiger to like live? You know like right? That's got to be fucked up. All right. I'm not like I'm sure you just get out Yeah, I'm not like a pita guy or nothing, but yeah, come on man. Let the tiger like breathe like yeah You shouldn't do that. You shouldn't have a tiger in offense, but also a tiger in the wild is [2:026:00] Way more dangerous. Like that's a dangerous thing Like so just let them lose out there. You remember those people like raise it from like, when they're kittens, and then they just have it in their living room? You know? I never trust it. I know this is like old school, old school, if thinking, don't get me wrong, like I have a dog, I love my dog, I treat him right or whatever, you know? But like, it's just a little old school. But animals are fucking animal. It's a fucking animal. I don't care how much you're like, no, I'm so friendly and with reason. I'm like bro, animals are fucking animal. Sick freedom boy. Look at that, yeah. They had that tiger forever. Yeah. And the one day the tiger's like, I think I want to bite your neck. There's like instinct. I feel like buying your neck. Yeah. I'm tired of just getting fed scraps. Yeah bro. I want to bite your fucking neck. I barely, if I barely even trust my dog. I mean I trust my dog not in every situation. Every now and then I look at him like, a, what kind of dog you got? So I have two. One is actually my dad's. I think it's like those like fucking pit bull bullies or whatever. Very good dog, very nice, very gentle, right? But then I also have a raw wireless that I live back at my grandma's. [2:027:06] I couldn't bring him. He's sketchy. And he's a good dog. I did so much to train him, right? Like I read up, I asked people like, I couldn't, I couldn't leave him in my room all day. He won't bite a thing, he won't piss. Like he'll let me know know I could walk him without a leash like he'll stay by my side If he does get a little jumpy runs after some of it he'll come back, you know, but Even him one day because and I know maybe you might be like oh well rock-waters tend to have like bipolar to them or whatever They can be bipolar. Yeah rock-waters the bipolar. They can be yeah, they can be bipolar. How do they find out? I don't know I didn't look that deep into you know, I'm saying like who's the right-wilder psychologist as the sit down with Rusty But even he tried to attack one of my sisters once out of nowhere And he's he's around my sister every day [2:028:01] He's like a year old around this point. It's on my sister every day. And my dog does in bark. I've heard him bark twice, but he didn't bark. He grouts for two seconds and then jump. And luckily I was already holding him. He scratched her. He didn't get to her bider or nothing. Jesus Christ. Yeah, but like even the captain. Yeah, we just stopped that in them around like people oh Jesus Yeah, but I kept that that's a dangerous dog. It is and he's yeah, you know Biden's dog bit 11 people Joe Biden's dog being living people Joe Biden's dog is a bit 11 people secret service guys Yeah, yeah, dude. I'd be like this job this fucking dogs guys. Yeah, yeah, dude, I would be like, pull out this job. This fucking dogs biting people. And this is like the second dog that he's had that bites people. Joe Biden's dog bites me. I'm turning Republican. Biden's dog commander involved in more White House biting incidents than previously reported. This fucking dog. Secret Services acknowledged 11 reported biting incidents involving its [2:029:04] personnel. Sources spoke with CNN said the real number is higher and includes executive resident staff and other White House workers. Those bites have ranged in severity from one known bite requiring hospital treatment to some requiring attention from the White House medical unit to some going unreported and untreated. While the first family works for solutions to the ongoing issue, CNN has learned, Commander is not on the White House campus. Yeah, there's a real fucking solution. He's not even holding them right on the leash. It's called bullets. You developed a dangerous animal that wants a bite. That's a fuck the dog, man. Take that dog out. That's a fuck the dog. Take that dog out That's a fucked up somebody did something bad to that dog or the dog was ignored or not trained or something went really wrong Man, so that's a working dog scratch my sister. He was able to get a little clung after that shit Man, I did start to like try to research like why the fuck do dogs just flip or what you know could there be another reason? [2:030:04] apparently like dogs will remember a traumatizing moment for the rest of their lives. They have no sister to do something to the dog. So now I'm wondering, right? Like if her or maybe another kid, maybe on accident heard it, one day when trying to paint, like trying to pet her something, they'll remember that shit. Oh, really? So if like, if a cat scratched it once, they'll hate cats forever. Or if like, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think the dogs are fucking scary, man. But dogs, I have a golden retriever. Anybody, nobody. He's a worse dog for like guard dog duty. He loves everybody. He's just a bundle of love. That's a dog. You don't have to worry about him around anything except squirrels He'll fuck he says he's a demon the squirrels. I'll fuck with cats sometimes I know a lot of people hate cats, but I'm not like a super Attentive loving person all the time and I feel like dogs kind of need that or they can do it Yeah, and I don't have a cat but if you're gonna go on the road having a dog is rough like [2:031:07] You know you're on the road, having a dog is rough. Like, you know, you're on the road all the time, that dog's gonna get ignored on the weekends. Also, I don't like to be that guy who like carries around a little dog. I mean, respect to the people that do, but I'm not gonna be, I don't like it. So I'm bringing a little dog with you on the road, like a little Chihuahua. Like no offense to the comics But if you know the dog like it like Peter shore The brother Paulie shore he was always bringing his little dog the commas store dogs adorable But I don't know I'm not gonna do it, but then when I do see his not every comic. I don't love everybody's dog You know me? I like dogs. I don't like everybody's dog But there are some comics that I see their dog. I'm like all right That's a cool dog and then the other comics where they have their dog And I'm like that's gay Ron. Why had a really cool French bulldog named mustard Mustard dog got taken by a coyote. Oh shit. Yeah That's fucked up. That's a cool as name to mustard. Yeah coyotes are that's a weird little animal that lives alongside people because it's really a little wolf [2:032:05] It's a little wolf that lives alongside people. Cause it's really a little wolf. It's a little wolf that lives alongside people and eats your pets. Fucking coyotes. They're creepers. I hope the wolves got that coyote. Well, that's why coyotes are so dangerous. Not dangerous, but one of the interesting things about coyotes is coyotes evolved around wolves, but they evolved around gray wolves, kill coyotes. They don't breed with them The Eastern wolves like red wolves they breed with coyotes and you get the coy wolf. It's like a hybrid wolf coyote Not in the West. So the Western wolves they just killed coyotes So when coyotes would lose one of the members the female coyotes would have more babies So when they would call out One of them was missing it would send some sort of a biological process into the female coyotes would have more babies. So when they would call out, one of them was missing, it would send some sort of a biological process into the female coyotes and they would have more pups. What the fuck? And then they would spread out into the territory. Where do you go? Where do you go? Are you raised by wolves? I had a man on the podcast named Dan Flores. He wrote an amazing book called Coyote America that I read and it's all about the history of the coyote in North America. [2:033:05] It's in every city. Coyotes are in every city in every state. And they didn't used to be. They used to be confined mostly to the West and the Southwest. But because of human beings, like moving in and killing coyotes and trying to force them out and then agriculture and all these different things, they just kept spreading out. And now they're everywhere. Every city, New York City has coyotes in it. For real? For real. Oh shit. Yeah, we show you some photos. Just coyotes in Central Park, man. I was watching that movie, collateral with Tom Cruise. Great fucking man. There's like a coyote that goes in the room. Yeah. I remember when I saw that I was like, I and shit. But man, now I'm like, then I can happen anywhere. Well, the first time I ever saw a coyote was in 94 when I first moved to LA and I was staying at this place in Burbank called the Oakwood Gardens. This is a place where when you move to a new place, they rented out pre-furnished apartments. So it already had a couch, it already had a bed, you just, you're bringing your clothes, you're good. It's like a hotel, but you live in it. It's a apartment. And I was pulling up to the [2:034:05] place in my rental car and I saw three little dogs. I was like, what the fuck is that? What are those things? And I was like, I close them, like, oh shit, those are coyotes in the middle of Burbank. God damn. Just hanging out in the street. Yeah, that's one on the roof in New York City. Look at that. Fuck doesn't even get there. I don't know. You ever see those videos of like bears? Look at that thing swimming up on the shore in Florida. Oh yeah. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, a lot of bears. I'm already like, you're already trying to watch out for sharks. I ain't got to watch out for bears too. There's too much. Didn't some lady get killed by a black bear in Florida. They're a lot of bears in Florida. That's just too much. I know, it's crazy. Florida's got everything, man. They got alligators, pythons, iguanas, bears. That's like getting killed by a bear at the model of America. Like it wasn't supposed to happen there. You know what I mean? [2:035:00] Like how did the fuck they did end up there? That's a bear getting into the mall of America and just running through people. Yeah, that's a big mall. But that's mini-opolis, right? Yeah. Someone's gonna have a gun. Someone's gonna shoot. How many bullets do you think it's... It takes those to take nine millimeters? Depends on what kind of bear. If it's a grizzly bear, you're fucked. You need something heavy, you need a 45 or a 10. You can't, in nine millimeters, on enough stopping power. You really want like a 300 windman, you want a rifle. You got a bear, you want a large caliber weapon to take that fucking thing out. You do not want a bear wounded. That's still running at you. And your bullets are going in a couple of inches. And it's just ready to fuck you up. You walk around with a gun. You don't have to answer that. I wouldn't answer that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha way of being eaten by a giant wild dog. I think it's crazy that people like go to hikes [2:036:07] in places where there's bears. Like, I mean, I get it, you know, I mean, you want to experience. Well, I think if you live in a place like Montana or something like that, it's just a part of the world. The world has grizzly bears in it. You know, they just, they coexist with them. You hope you don't run upon a mama in her cubs. That's the scariest thing. Scariest thing is accidentally stumbling upon a mama grizzly bear with her cubs. You ever gone hunting? Yeah, sure. Did I get? I love hunting, yeah. I've never gone hunting, but one time we were walking through this like fucking trail. It wasn't even like a trail. We were trying to get to like a river to go fishing and they were saying that there's like wild hogs out there that come at you and I kind of like that like I don't know if I if I'd want to like hunt like wait for the animal spotted or whatever I don't know how it goes but I kind of like the idea of like what have to fucking kill it if it came at me you know then you have to eat it too maybe I don't know how to camp fire I'd die if I try to fucking eat an animal that I kill I'm fucking up somewhere because I isn't there like a certain amount of time you have like you got a skin in it [2:037:09] And make sure this is clean and no Yeah, I can't even cook at home bro It's not for everybody but the wild pig things is a crazy way to get in the hunting because you kind of have to kill those Yeah, they breed so often they breed three times a year. I would start breeding when they're six months old. What the fuck? Six months old, they start pumping out little piglets. I'm not one to judge. I know a lot of teenage parents. Yeah, pigs are a scourge. It's a crazy animal. They're everywhere too. In Texas? Shit. Yeah. There's so many of them here they have to hunt them by helicopter. There's like fucking, they're not coyotes but there's a lot of dogs man. Out there where I live out in the country and I had to get used to that when I first moved out. Wild dogs? Yeah or even like even- To strays running around. They're strays and the people that own dogs just kind of let them be out. Yeah. and I had to get used to that because I was just living like an irregular fucking neighborhood [2:038:06] And if I wanted a gold jog sometimes there's some shit. Sometimes I just go out and run One night I just started running and I started getting chased by dogs Oh, there was a fucking dog just coming at me from from that everybody out there has like a pretty big piece of land It's like trailer homes and shit and And I just saw it leave the porch and started coming at me. But I was pretty far where I'm like, bro, if I just chop, if I just run the fence, I can't, I don't think he's gonna come that far, you know? And then another dog started coming. I was like, what the fuck? So I just took off, I took off, I can't even jog back. Like I can't run back, man. The dog's probably waiting for you. Like that dude's gonna come back. He's tired. Yeah, I think they were waiting for the country as dogs. Well, that's what happens to people with mountain lines too. The mountain line see them running. And they're just like, what are you going, bitch? Yeah. It's like their instincts Even I see people running on it chasing some time here to carry DNA of wolf declared extinct. Oh shit [2:039:07] Texas dollar right there There were I didn't see the what year but there were previously Red Wolf and Gray Wolfson Texas that are supposedly extinct. Oh wow And so there might be still wolves in Texas. Yeah, when I was decided Is that what they think it said that they're what kind of dogs are in Texas? There's coyotes, impacts of neglect that domestic dogs run around. Oh, but they're all so. I like how they say neglected. Like I know they mean like nobody's taking care of them, but also just feels like maybe the dog wanted attention. They've just been neglected. However, Texas was once home to two wolf species, the gray wolf and the red wolf, but sadly they were hunted to extinction in the Lone Star State. Sadly, if you're not a rancher. If you're a rancher, it's like good. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I have a friend who lives in BC, like Northern BC, British Columbia, and they'll occasionally, a wolf will just like, they'll have like a pack of wolves that like takes out a calf and they'll hear it in the middle of the night just horrible sounds of like wolves that are like ripping [2:040:08] apart a cow and then you know other people find out about it and they have to deal with them and I ran into a dude once at the airport and I think I had like a camouflage jacket on or something like that and he goes you hunter I go I didn't know what to say because he's like a regular dude. I was like, I hope this isn't an argument. I was like, yeah, I was up here moose hunting. And he goes, he goes, we like to wolf hunt up here. He goes, yeah, we got a real problem with wolves. He just starts telling me about wolves. And I go, what do you do? He goes, well, we take like a garbage pale and we throw scraps of meat in there and then we freeze it. And then we take it and we'll put that in the middle of a field and then we hide. And if the wolves get desperate enough, they'll smell it and they'll come to that frozen meat and then you just take them out. I'm like, Jesus. Damn. I go, how many do you kill? He goes, you can't even put a dent in the population. Bro, imagine that's your life. Imagine you have to make time during the week to go try to put a dent in this population. [2:041:06] Yeah, you can't even put a dent in the population. He goes to smart ones, never fall for it. Because they've like been got before. They saw one of their packet killed before that way. The fucking smart ones don't fall for it. So those are smartening up to this year too. Oh, they're waiting. They'll wait. And then they'll have the young ones are stupid, and the young stupid ones are going there and get shot. The wolves are only going to get smarter. They're only going to get smarter, and eventually these wolves are going to figure out how to fuck with your Instagram algorithm and give you bad wolf killing techniques for not killing black wolves. Yeah, they're going to do Russian disinformation. Wolves are going to give up. Yeah, they're smart, man. They're smart. They're,, man. They're smart. It's a creepy animal to bring back. Because for the longest time, they were a really terrified thing that we had to deal with. People in Europe, they had to deal with wolves, man. I'm afraid of sharks. I've never seen a shark. But just the, I don't even want to like, [2:042:00] I don't know, maybe I'd go in that little cage where you can be around the sharks that dude they go right through that cage They do yeah, Jamie just Jamie just everyone pull it up. I'm intrigued by them, but I'm also scared as fuck cuz you you can't swim that fast You want to look you want to watch that from a boat with a shotgun in your hand? Fuck you Fuck you monster. Shucky you fucking swimming. I'll have bowls of of all I'll have fucking nightmares about sharks and alligators Both have nightmares where you've ever been in like where the water is kind of like up to your knee and can't necessarily run too fast Like it's like that uncomfortable. Come on. Grab your fucking gators. Just chasing me and I'm running through like the water I don't know what those three mean. Let me stay the fuck away from out Look at this watch this go. Go full screen, Jamie. Watch this shit. This motherfucker just goes right through the cage. So the shark swims into the cage and busts through the side of the cage and then comes out the top. Watch this shit. Is there a dude in that cage? [2:043:00] That's the part of why I thought I was going to the end. We have to go to the end. Look at that listen to the people Was there any weather there oh my god Oh my god, yes, there was so is the guy dead no the guy got out. Yeah, I can't oh my god I can't tell if he's bleeding on the side though. I tried to check out Oh my god, he seems fine because they're not all reacting extra crazy and you don't see blood. Oh my god Oh my god and There's the dude he's still in there. Holy shit. I feel like if I'm that guy and I saw my opening to get out I would have flown off faster than the sharks like a fucking fish out of water. Holy shit. That guy's just calmly climbing out. And he's dressed like a seal. There's the shark. It goes right in the side. That's a big ass shark. Boom, it just goes right through the cage. A match. Flip the top, thankfully for them. Oh my god. Look at him. Yeah, it's on in there. Oh my god, dude fuck that Ralph [2:044:06] Fuck that right I don't want to I still want to kind of going one, but I want to make sure I go around like some pussy I sharks like some little ones like I don't think I don't think they have any idea Well, they'll kind of power those things have it went right through that bullshit cave That's like someone building a fence made out of popsicle sticks and telling you to stay out. This is the largest. Did you see that guy that was swimming in it? Look at the size of that thing. How big is that one? That's the largest... Oh my god. Well, I think that's a girl. Yeah, it is. She got a little booty on her. Oh, she's Ramsey. She's a famous shark diver. Oh shit on the Instagram. It doesn't say how big it is It's just as large of Jesus Christ That's the largest of it With record breaking largest great white shark look how small she is compared to that fucking shark That's so crazy. That's crazy that she's just like holding the fin. Oh God. What are you doing? [2:045:01] I Guess she knows what she's doing. She's still alive That's Christ on that you talk about Look at the shark badge What are you doing? I guess she knows what she's doing. She's still alive That's Christ on that you talk about this look at the shark badge The badge look get it close up look at that thing Some people have like a communist man they can go around that or they can go around crazy animals And they don't make the animal nervous. I don't have that. I always I tried to write a horse once when I was a kid. Fucking horse started going crazy. Everybody thought I was like devil possessed or something. Why is this a horse so? Because you're probably nervous, right? Yeah. The horse probably felt it. Not all this. Well the fuckers on me, he's freak me out. I'm that guy that if you bring your fucking dog right, my dog will run right up to you. Hello, you best friend. That's a golden retriever. Yeah, right. I've never been around a golden retriever. Oh my God, they have bundles of love. He loves everybody. Everybody's just love. He'll just drop on his back, I'll grab my belly. I don't even know you. He loves everybody. No, I'll hang around people he'll change your opinion of dogs. I hope so yeah, cuz it's not like a raw-wiler [2:046:05] So the total opposite of a rock everybody I hang around with just has like tough guy dogs Those dogs to be sketchy and then there'd be like nice fine Yeah, until he's not that fuck then until you bite your sister, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying Yeah, fuck animals, right? There's anything we could say Yeah, fuck animals, right? There's anything we could say, to end this podcast. That's a big deal. I love animals, just some of them you have to know what they are, you know? Yeah, I can't pretend it's a fucking teddy bear. Yeah, I love animals. I'm just not that person that's gonna be like fucking taking pictures with the snake at the fair. Yeah, I mean? Not me, bro. Fuck it. Not me. One time the fair had this like a large alligator though. I'll pay money to see that shit. I was in Thailand once and they let you take photos with tigers. But it's sad because there's one way they treat you when you with the baby tigers. So if you're with the baby, like you can get in this like pen where these little baby tigers are and they're little tiny tigers. [2:047:06] But everybody's like they're watching, people are watching everything, making sure nothing gets crazy, you guys have sticks and shit. And then you get to like a little older tigers and then a little more sketched out. Then they're like the people will block, you can't take a picture sitting right next to the little tigers. You know the ones that are like 50, 60 pounds, you can't do that. And then they get older, you can take pictures with them because they're drugged up. So yeah, that's Tiger that's on heroin. Just sitting there like this. And the people are taking selfies with this tiger. But if you watch that tiger, the tiger is doped up. 100% doped up. That's why you can go in there and take pictures with them. And I was like, oh, this is sad. That is pretty sad. Yeah, it's not like that's a pet tiger that you can trust. No, a tiger's like, ugh. I'm saying they just totally drugged up. Those tigers are gonna get smart just like the wolves did one day. One day they're gonna fake the high. Or imagine if you cut the tiger off and they get, they start jonesin. Start having fuckin' with drugs. [2:048:00] Focin' with drolls. Focin' with trolls. Stuck in really crazy. Tiger starts sucking dick for drugs. Whoa. Imagine a tiger sucking your dick. Like, please be careful. Please. Please don't get a flashback. All right, Ralph. Let's wrap this bitch up. We're going to do a show tonight. Have a good time with the mother ship. I'm excited. You want the bottom of the barrel too? Yeah, I'll do whatever, man. I'll do it. Do bottom of the barrel, too. It's fun. Bottom of the barrel is Brian Simpson's show. So you have a whiskey barrel and the audience will write suggestions for material topics. Oh yeah, I've seen that. It's great. It's real fun. It's real fun. Ralph, it was a pleasure. Thank you, man. Thank you for having me. Appreciate you being here.