#2030 - Protect Our Parks 9


9 months ago




Shane Gillis

17 appearances

Shane Gillis is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker and one half of the sketch comedy duo "Gilly and Keeves" with John McKeever. Watch his latest stand-up special, "Beautiful Dogs," on Netflix.www.shanemgillis.com

Mark Normand

15 appearances

Mark Normand is the co-host of the podcasts "Tuesdays with Stories" with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. Watch his latest stand-up special, "Soup to Nuts," on Netflix.www.marknormandcomedy.com

Ari Shaffir

67 appearances

Ari Shaffir is the host of "The Skeptic Tank" and "You Be Trippin'" podcasts. His latest comedy special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," is available now via YouTube. www.arishaffir.com

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Episodes from 2023

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Protect Our Parks

Bud lights, cigars and shenanigans galore


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You should feel proud of that. That was funny as shit. That was my favorite part so far. There's more where that came from. I always feel like a dickhead when I go into my coffee shop. Really? You know, they're all like young, cool people. It's like tattoos and shit. Yeah, they make you feel that way. I was just woke up. I'm in a Phillies jersey and gym shorts. Right. I feel weird. I bet you make them feel weird too though. Definitely. Yeah, that's what's fun. I go in, I go in, go in, go through the whole milk. Then they give me oat milk and I go, I said fucking whole milk. Yeah. That's every day. We assume you didn't. I give them eight bucks. Exactly. Then I text five people nonstop for about 20 minutes. Yeah, you say you're writing. I go, I got some good ideas. Exactly. I need to hear about it. Somebody was comparing, there was like some chart where they were comparing one of those oatly, one of those oat milk things. Yeah. I don't know which one, but they said they're the same glycemic index as Coca-Cola. What does that mean? What's glycemic index? Is that real sugar? Sugaring shit. That's a lot of sugar. I heard almond milk is all sugar too. There's a lot, like Duncan told me this stuff is delicious and it's good for you. I go how many grams of sugar in that thing? Duncan, he text me back, fuck. I don't want to hear that. That's why it tastes good dude, you're drinking cereal. What's wrong with milk? Milk is good. I love half and half. That's bad for you. No it's not. No. No. RISD, I'd like to add though. Why shouldn't I stop drinking milk dude? Okay, look at that. Wow. Well, that's a good drink 12 ounces of Oatly. You don't drink a glass of it? You do a splash in your coffee. What? Glycemic load sounds nasty. No, don't you think people drink it? Drink straight oat milk? I drink straight almond milk. Ugh. I used to. I don't anymore, but I used to. It's so Oatly, for 12 ounces of Oatly, it's 19, what is that, grams? I feel like this would change the name of rapeseed oil. Glycemic load, though. Glycemic load. Okay, so the glycemic load, that's a great word. It's rapeseed. The glycemic load is 19 for Oatly and 20. Rapeseed oil? What are they coming after that word? They changed wandering Jew, but they want to leave rapeseed. Wait, what was wandering Jew? It's a plant. Really? Yeah. Oh, shit. Go in now, you're like, do you have any wandering Jews? I haven't heard that in about seven years. Wow, with that beard, that's you. Yeah, rapeseed's a weird one, right? Yeah. Well, you still have that around. Canola. Because I think it's canola oil, too. Yeah, what it used to be. Priscilla. Isn't it? Isn't that the same thing, Jim? It's a good change. It's a good change. I'll change. I was against the Redskins. I'm good with Brazil now. Yeah. The fire and Irish is still around. The fire and Irish is great. It's like a drug midget with a hat. Oh, I got a good fight and Irish story. Fitzsimmons talks about that. Yeah, so rapeseed oil is canola oil. Why are they using that? It's just coke canola. Yeah, why do they have two different words? Rapeseed oil is one of the oldest known vegetable oils. Where did the name come from? They are both edible and industrial forms produced from rapeseed, the seed of several cultivators. Canola oil is a food grade version derived from rapeseed cultivars, specifically bred for low uric acid content, also known as low uric acid rapeseed oil. There's a name for rapeseed culture and a lot more rape them. They're generally recognized as safe. Look how that's phrased. Look at that, but look up there. Look how that's phrased. There's a link you can click. See, it says generally recognized as safe. Well, generally recognized as safe? We can see what that means. Just a seed. Well, what are you talking about? Generally? Like, who doesn't think safe? Generally means not completely safe. Yeah, if you say generally, I go what? That's like when they approved OxyContin. It's believed to be non-addictive. That was the first time they ever had that language. You saw that? That's crazy. It's like, you know, they had Bergen. He's the guy who made the most recent Netflix one. The movie, the documentary. The Netflix one? No, no, what is it called? The Netflix one? Painkiller. Oh, with the... It was so good. It makes me realize any name drug they're prescribing, it's like they're on the take. It's wild. Oh, yeah. They're horrible people. Wild. Wild. How they got the salesmen to meet up with the good cases of like, this helped me, so then they could sell it better to the doctors and like dress up with your tits out. Did you see that they found the dude who approved it? They had this guy from the FDA would not approve it, would not approve it. It was like one guy. And then they lock him in a hotel room for two days and he comes out and that was the language that they used. It's believed... The first time they've ever used that language. Believed to be non-addictive. Yeah, why did they... Like, what are you talking about, believed? That fucked up a lot. That fucked up the whole country. Yeah. A lot of people. So they found this dude, he's in like a rural town in New Hampshire. They always are. They're somebody now. I mean, he went to work for them. He went to write for the FDA to work for Purdue. Wow. And they gave him like a $400,000 a year job. Why don't the activists get on this? They're all worried about everything else. Yeah, I was just going to get a fucking guillotine out there. Well, and then it was going to show that the governor of West Virginia was like, it's killing our state. We got to do something and he goes, ah, we're good. He got a job with them. Exactly. Oh, like the mafia. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. And then they were going to give these people, the Sackler family was going to give up like six billion dollars and through that they wouldn't be able to get prosecuted. But then a US judge, what is the story on that? It was Giuliani. Giuliani called somebody who called the White House and the White House called the DA and the DA called the guy goes, no, make the deal. Ten million. Ten million. Which is like Giuliani on this. Which is like an after Netflix show. What do you mean? Ten million. What are you talking about? They got almost a slap on the wrist and said, we won't prosecute. No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about the new thing. 2019. The Sacklers apparently agreed to pay somewhere in the neighborhood of like, see if you can find the store. Six billion. Six billion. Six billion dollars. One percent of their problem. And in return, they were fucking very clever with the finances. Which they've never paid. Yeah. And so in return for that, they would not be able to get prosecuted. But apparently they put the gabash on that after Painkiller came out. People were like, what the fuck did you do? Good. You ever take an Oxycontin? No, it's pretty damn good. That's what Peter Berg was saying. How great it is. Remember Brett Favre? Was it Brett Favre? Brett Favre was on it. I'm addicted to painkillers. I got a rehab. People are like, okay. But no one looked into what that means. Yeah, everyone's like, Brett Favre is a fucking idiot. It turns out everybody in the country was addicted to it. Bro, there's so much of it floating around. Is somebody on it right now listening? Yeah. He's digging a nap. He's like, man, he's got really harsh in my fucking mind. Brett Favre says he must take a month's worth of painkillers in two days. Holy shit. Great dick pic. One slinger. What a legend, dude. Good for him. Yep. Oh yeah, I remember that. He was taking him before games. 15 Vicodins at a time. Oh my God. What a champ. Take a little more, take a little more, take a little more. How does he shit? I mean, he's a packer. Look at the word he said here. Did you just say, oh, it's a constipation joke. How dare you, Mark? That was good. We got a hit, dude. That was a good one. We got a pop gun. I tell people all the time that I took 15 Vicodin ES at one time and they're like, didn't knock you out. I did totally the opposite. I was up. That's kind of the way with addictions too. What it's supposed to do it doesn't, Farb said. Oh wow. Wow. Interesting. He's still kicking though. Interesting. It wasn't just 90 seconds when people knew about it because of the announcement. It was three years before he was already hooked. He was in something about Mary. That's right. Interesting. Wow. Yeah, it's really bad. Well it also really impairs judgment. They'll fucking lose themselves. They'll steal from their friends. Crush it. They'll do anything. It instantly makes you do heroin. That's always the thing. If you know a guy who's got a pill problem, you don't just leave him in your house. Ambien too. Ambien will fuck you up. They'll have to steal stuff. Even if it's your friend. They'll always steal from you. They always sold it to us as like, Oxy is the same as heroin, but not exactly like it. That show is like, no, no, no. It is just slow release. It's heroin. There's a great scene, the show that one doctor yells at the girl, which she's trying to sell to. You have no idea what you're selling. Oh, you're a drug dealer with a ponytail. Yeah. Yeah. My two friends in high school died of methadone. It's no joke. Yeah. We used to play pool with the methadoneans. Wow. When I used to go to this pool. It sounds like the words, the coolest religion. This pool that I used to play out in white planes. The Alexander the Great. It was right next to these people that were on methadone. So these methadone dudes would come in and my friend Johnny used to call them the methadoneans. They would come in and just be playing pool like this. Sure. Nice. Couldn't faze them. Oh, that's fucking sweet people. Couldn't faze them. Did they get it pool? No. They were all terrible. They were all terrible. They just leaned it on the table for 20 minutes. The guys did heroin. It's your shot. Those guys were good at pool. The heroin guys were good. The heroin guy, one guy in particular was the steadiest. Yeah. The steadiest. You get in the zone, yeah, on heroin. This guy was like a world championship caliber pool player. Doing heroin in his fucking pool. Wow. I mean, look at Mitch Hedberg. He was killing. He was killing. I think there's a freedom to that drug just to like who fucking cares. When you become a functioning heroin addict. Not when you start taking weed, but once you're like, I can be fine on this. Yikes. The heroin version of that. But the thing is, if you know what it is and you know what you're doing and you're getting pure stuff, like Dr. Carl Hart, you know who that guy is? The guy from Columbia? Uh-uh. He's a brilliant guy who does drugs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. He does drugs. He's like, I just get the good cut. He's openly about how he likes to sniff heroin. Kills its lovely. Oh, yeah, the black guy. Yeah, he's cool. He's amazing. He's Columbia. Because he started out a complete straight-laced scientist with no experience with drugs whatsoever until he became a researcher. And then when he's researching, he was realizing, like, oh, a lot of like the fears that we have of these things are overblown. A lot of the addictions are from things that have been stepped on. Yes. He's functioning. He looks like a doctor who's getting a heroin. Yeah. Right. And you're looking for, like, which one's the guy? But that's... You want him as your teacher. I think he teaches at Columbia. Oh, that would be great. Well, the thing is, he doesn't encourage you to do drugs, but he says that all societies do drugs. And this idea that they don't is ridiculous. We're all taking nicotine and drinking caffeine and alcohol and, like, people are doing drugs. These are drugs. They're just state-approved drugs. Oh, yeah. But it's just for a guy like... It's hard to be like a public academic and intellectual and to have that stance. Like most of them are not willing to go out on that ledge. Not a pro heroin. No. No. He's pretty sick though. Yeah. He's like Galileo. He's making it work. Yeah. In a lot of... Well, he's a legit scientist. You know, he's a legit PhD. He's, you know, he's for real. He studies the effects of psychoactive drugs on humans. He's detailed his drug use in a new book titled Drug Use for Grown Ups, Chasing Liberty in the Land of Fear. Wow. Hart was currently on sabbatical until July as the chair of the prestigious university psych department. He hopes that coming clean about his drug use will help lead to decriminalization of illegal drugs. Hart said that he first tried heroin six or seven years ago when he was already a tenured professor in his late forts. This guy's doing heroin and he's smart. Yeah. He's like, no, it's actually all right. Y'all was just getting into it too early. That's a legit brave person. That quote was a heroin addict quote. He's like, I just snorted a little to feel refreshed and ready to take on another day. My sister said the same thing. Really? She's like, what? I need it. Yeah, but he said when you get off of it, he said, if you're really addicted to it, if you do it a lot and you get off it, he said it's like the flu. He said, just, you said it's people... That's what he said. He overdo it. He overdo it. He said he did it though. He can die from it. You can die from it. You can die from it. You can die from it. You can die from it. You can die from it. You can die from it. You can die from it. You can die from Xanax. Xanax with trolls. Danny Brown and Ari. That's what dyads mean. He killed you. Fat Ari. He says, the use of heroin can be as rational as my alcohol use. Like vacation, sex, and the arts, heroin is one of the tools that I use to maintain my work-life balance. Damn. Carl Hart, they make big jackets. He rules. That guy rules. Look at that other guy just judging him with his eyes. What's that? You don't like cool professors? I like cool professors. What? Study, motherfucker. Shut up and study. No, bro. That's the only way the message gets out there. That guy obviously is cool. He's got dreads and he's doing heroin. Yeah. A little fun team. A little heroin down. Like, what'd you do for a living? I'm actually a tenured professor at Columbia. Shut up. I know, anyway. I know, it's crazy. I fucking believe this. It's got to be the easiest class to pass, though. Yeah, he's nodding off the whole floor. Yeah, exactly. How you feeling? You're test. You're on heroin. I need it. Oh, my God. How new is this needle? I love that. It's such a fun day. Just like this heroin. It's like, I can face a new day. It's like, yeah, dude, face a new day. It sucks. Did he make the work? He's making it work? He sucks, dude. Yeah, but you're on heroin. It's probably fun. Yeah, shit rules. But the come down, you're like rough. You're like, me. Well, you figure out, he's a scientist. So figure out what brings you back up again. Yeah, heroin of the dog. It's all the dance. Heroin of the dog. I'm sure it looked the right mixture of Adderall right afterwards, B. Heroin and Adderall? Yeah, even now. Come down and woo Adderall. We're good, baby. Let's get pizza. That's a great idea. Next step. How many people are on that shit, Heroin? That's another big one. Adderall. That's going to be a problem. Speed, son. That's going to be a problem. Oh, yeah. I think Trump's on it. Same as that diabetes medication, too, that everybody's on now. Oh, Sam Biz. That's got to be a new one. That's got to be a disaster. We really haven't researched this for weight loss, but just everybody do it. Bad sign for our country. Well, you got to work out the right. Every doctor's like, go for it. Go for it. It's fine. I'll take a shot. Bryan Simpson tried it and he had to get off it. He was having gastrointestinal issues. I know people that were barfing a lot off it. Yeah, not good, Matt. It's good when you lose weight. Not good. No free lunch. You said it once and you said it again. No lunch at all with it. No free lunch. So true. No biological free lunch. More lunch? FDA announces shortage of Adderall. No! Oh, shit. That was 2022 back to school. There's still a shortage? I bet China makes it. They're like, you know what? You guys are getting cocky. Get rid of your confenlo kids. You guys are getting cocky. You're concentrating too much. No, you're getting cocky. You're fucking relying on us a little too much. We're going to cut back. Good. We don't like working so much. We need to cut back. Let's go get the White House. Yeah, I wonder where that came from. Imagine your son already fucked up. The laptop got out. The whole thing, the fucking jig is up. Everybody knows you're a crook. And then he's like, but dad, I'm clean now. I'm a proud of you, boy. It's got to be Kamala. It's got to be Kamala. That's how it is. It's a gold medal. So here's the question. Do they have cameras inside the White House bathroom? I bet they have it. Doubt it. Well, I was going to say they have it everywhere, but it's probably like, no, they say take that back, take cameras out of the house. How else do they catch Forrest Gump drinking all those Dr. Peppers? I got to pay. You got to think the White House is the most photographed place in the world. Tell that to Lewinsky. You couldn't have a loophole where you could just go in the bathroom and fucking trade secrets with a spy. I bet the president is like, no, I need a place where I'm not recorded. Yeah, you got to shit. That's an interesting question, though, right? Inside a vestibule. Oh, OK. So it wasn't in the bathroom. Leading to a lobby area. Like it's an unknown substance. No, you know what it is. You guys know. Is this an old story? The substance was located inside a receptacle used to temporarily store electronic and personal devices prior to entering the West Wing. So he just dropped it off inside of a receptacle. And he was probably attached to his phone because he's gross. Yes. Right. It's like sweaty sticks to your phone. Oh, yeah. Like a wallet on his phone. Right. And then he pulls his phone out. The bag is in there. I doubt Hunter had to put it in the yonder. Hunter had to put it in the yonder. Well, it's probably not a yonder. Hunter's a bro. It's a receptacle. Like when you go through a fucking radar machine. Right. Right. Make sure you're not packing heat to kill pops. There's no surveillance. You don't need a gun to go pop. Yeah, that's true. Gut punch. You could lick him to death. To last time. That provided his blanket. Please. You could. The video tape. All right. You got one of those arteries and you pressed down with your tongue long enough. Yeah. I have a joke about him and I was like, I hope the special, like when I got done filming it in June and it's coming out tomorrow, I was like today. I was like, he might die before the special. For real. And then I'd see clips of him in like Hawaii. Just, yeah. Fuck dude. He's going to die. I'm going to have to drop this. No, you made it. You made it. I can't believe there is beautiful dogs. Beautiful dogs. Shane, you look upset. They're taking a picture of you. I was like, come on, man. Please do not take pictures. I said, no, that's a good pick. Love on the spectrum. They always do the worst. That's so goddamn. I said, who wrote this? Shane Gilles riffs on his girlfriend's name in the C-lex. It wasn't even that rowdy. We should have watched it and been bullied by an Australian God. Why did they do that? I don't know. I told him I saw that. I texted my manager and I said, who the fuck wrote this? Take that down. It should just be Shane does stand up. His new stand up special recorded here. Yeah, exactly. 100%. Yeah, like that's going to help everybody. Who's going to read that? Who's going to read that? I want to hear about that Australian God. Someone who you don't want to listen to. This is terrible. Hey, was this that rowdy or com? You know, it was radical. We had to get like minute clips. You know, you got to like send a preview. Yeah, I couldn't. I couldn't. Every minute I said, gay or redo. Oh my God. No, no, no, no, no. That's so funny. Yes. They let you say. They got like 10 seconds of one. Hey, look, we were in good company here. Yeah, there we go. Myself, Nate. See you along. Wait, see what my blurb is. It was even worse than yours. It's something about farting. That's pretty good. Oh no. Awkward lap dances to the intimacy of letting one rip in front of a spouse. Oh, rapid fire. Rapid fire, dude. And look at you with that stupid watch on. Yeah. You don't go anywhere without that watch, God damn it. You got that right, baby. Timex. Never breaks. What time is it, say? 7.28. Close. Same day. Yeah. It's 2.49. It's funny, we got in the pool yesterday and I was genuinely concerned about the watch. I was like, dude, did you watch? Is it waterproof? It's waterproof? It's not. It's not. It's waterproof? Oh yeah. Do you do the math with the real time? Yeah, every time. So, like, you just add time to it? Yeah. Like, look at the time right now. What time is it, really? 3.51 in New York. No. It's 2.49. But I'm on New York. New York is right. Really? It's not time. It's New York time. What? It's New York time. I know, I know. It's just funny that you were off also in the minutes. I went to Australia, I guess, every time. Why did you have the minutes, Rob? My watch actually has 51. Does he make any sense? It's a little slow. Also, Mark senses his clock two minutes fast and will be on time and he's still 40 minutes late. You were late today, dickhead. I'm watching. I said, my watch says 51 too. Oh, that's so... So, what are you saying? Did you say 51? You better believe it, fatty. But that was a minute ago. No, it was a different time on 52 now. That was a different time than what the fucking time when...no. I bet this watch lasts longer than that piece of shit. Hey. What do you got there? What is that? It's a Garmin. Garmin? This thing has a GPS so the CIA can track me. Oh. They're gonna fucking shoot you in the head. Hey. Shut up. No, it does a bunch of cool shit. It measures your heart rate but it doesn't work on me because I have tattoos. It doesn't work through tattoos. What? What? Yeah. I had that with other things too. The best heart rate boners are the straps anyway. I don't understand anything. With what? With what? I mean, if somebody told me the watch was reading your heart but a tattoo was blocking it. How the fuck are that? The skin doesn't hurt? Because it's not that...it's accurate but not as accurate. I hear you. The ink gets in the way. It's like...it uses light. So if you look at the back of this thing, there's like a...this thing shoots light out. And it can measure...if it's over an area that doesn't have a tattoo, it could measure how quick the blood is moving through your skin. That's wild. Yeah. But it's not as accurate as the ones that you put around your chest. They work on something else. They work on like...what does that work on? The chest trap one. I don't want to fuck that up. But it's more accurate. I highly do that shit. Jamie, I don't want to see you yawn again, dude. Oh, yonder. Get a yonder bag. Get a fucking...go bong a beer, dude. Yeah, we got the eagle out there. Get the eagle, Jamie. Just clean it. You cleaned it? You get so excited for that thing. You're so good at it. Jamie loves a beer bong. Joe, is Jamie allowed to come to Ohio State Notre Dame with me, please? Yeah, please. Please, please, Joe, please. As long as it's up to work that day. Yes, yes. Jamie, you're allowed to sleep over it. Yes. Oh, you're going to have a sleepover with Shane. Pizza party. Joe, could Jamie sleep over at my house, please? Well, who's driving you guys? You can drink at the house. Only at the house. Promise me you're not going to drink in the park again. Fine. Yeah, what are you going to do when your kids are boozing? That's going to be weird, huh? Hooking up with comics and shit. Oh, my God. Tony Hinchcliffe's going to be over there. Tony Hinchcliffe. He's going to say, hello, father. You're my father. Imagine if one of your friends... Just imagine one of your older friends married your daughter. That'd be a disaster. What the fuck? Lucas C.K.? You have to fight him. Yeah, it's like Al Pacino old. Yeah, you'd have to go no, dude. Oh, God. Al Pacino's having a kid right now. Isn't that wild? What? Wild. Yeah, let's fucking go. Those are like ultra marathon sperm. Them sperm's been kicking it in those balls. They've been in there since the fucking Cold War. She's the beginning of the Cold War. I mean, when was he born? He's 80 years old. Oh, shit. He was born in like 47. Al Pacino is 83. Wow. Wow, he was born before World War II. Is that the girl he got pregnant in the middle? When did World War II start? 1940? No, no, no. 41 for us, let's go. 41 depends. 30s. 30s? He's 5'6\". But 41 for us is 83 years old. Wow. Still getting it up, blue chew, baby. He's got that prefrontal coke and a sperm. Yeah. Also, he's probably got great doctors. He'd be like, dude, his doctors are probably like, well, that's God. Can you imagine that ball bag? Holy shit. My ball bag looks 83 now. You guys want to hear 83? What if it just gets younger and younger looking like a peach? And when button? I love ball play. Don't you love ball play? Twisting around. Yeah. What's up with those guys who like getting in nuts stomped? Stomped high heel shoe. Those videos are so wild. They go in weird directions. Stepping on a half deflated balloon just kind of comes up. So scary. Yeah. Jamie, can you play that? Can you find guys? And it's not like these girls. I don't want to see that. That's your mom's house. Not like girls are turned on by it. It's not like these girls with the shoes are like trained experts in how hard not to stomp your nuts. Right. You got to get a brain stomper. You guys lose nuts that way. I know of two guys who lost their ball in kickboxing. What? Stomped by ladies. It's like, damn, that was wild. Is that what stomp is? One guy lost his balls because he went one more round with this dude and he didn't want to put his cup on. He's like, he just, he was getting out of the cage and then the guy was like, one more round. He already took his cup off. So yeah, just leave it off for one round. Boom. He takes a shin to the nuts, loses one of his nuts. Football is one cup. Oh. And another guy that I know of, it was a very similar situation. Damn. Kicked to the nuts. Who are we, Dagee? Lost one of his balls. No, no, no. Boy-A? Guys from a long time ago. Lost the ball like it just ruptured, blew up. Blew his ball apart. Don Frey. Oh, bro. Oh. Look at this. That guy's spiral kicked down. He stepped on it. He did like a fucking front flip and landed with one heel on that guy's nutsack. Yuck. He was like, I'll hit you anywhere, but fuck, it's that exact spot. That's a bad spot. The amount of ball trauma I took as a nine-year-old. Oh, what we were doing. Just middle school buddies. Every single one of our friends was socking each other in the corner. I was playing Super Mario. Some guy whipped me with a racetrack, you know, like the track, the orange thing, and hit me right on one nut. I was out for like three days. You didn't know how to protect it back then, so you just walk into like crossbars and shit. Dude, I've been kicked in the nuts at least a hundred times. Damn. At least a hundred times. Probably way more. Because I did Taekwondo all the time. You were always getting kicked in the nuts. I got kicked in the nuts over and over again. I think the UFC was allowed for a while. Oh, that early one. That guy kept 40 punches in a row to the nuts. Keith Hackney and Joe Son. Joe Son had him at a headlock, and Keith Hackney just looked at his nuts, and was like, let's go. Over, over, over. I'm not gonna lose this fucking punch. He just punched him in the dick. He was trying to be like, doesn't hurt. Pull that up, Jim. Keep going. That's the oldest days. And the guy held on for a minute, right? For a while. He was trying to be like, this doesn't bother me. He got through like one or two punches, right? Yeah. I feel like 10. There was a fight in Brazil. It was a no-rules fight, and this dude reached his hand into this guy's pants and grabbed his cup. And grabbed his cock. Oh! So he's got a headlock, and he's just going, what, to the sack or a runny here? That's what I'd be doing. This is like a little brother fighting. Boom! Oh! Let go of the headlock, bro. Let go of the headlock. That's a tight panty, too. At this point, his body's probably paralyzed. You can't let go of the headlock. I go finger up the butt. I mean, you get desperate. He's just taking how many shots of the sack? Oh, how many shots are we in right now? What is that, Gary Shandling? Oh, this is the replay in the same scene. 20. Look at Don. 20 punches to the top. 20! Shut the fuck up. For real beast, dude. The Wild West. Oh, my God. That guy went to jail later for rape, didn't he? Rape scene. He just wanted to see if it could still work. Oh! Oh. Yeah, he did. Joe's home? Yeah. The guy getting punched in the butt. Yeah, he did. Wow, it still work, I guess. That was a crazy time, man. They used to be able to wear shoes. They could pull hair. They would grab hair and elbow each other. Some guys would wear a key. Some guys would. I don't like that. Grabbing hair? I don't like any of that. What the hell? Because all you're doing... God damn ponytail. Yeah, you're just forcing guys to just cut your hair. I mean, I didn't want to look cool, but you're gonna fight in the cage. You're still out of tackle, guys. In the NFL and football, you're allowed to tackle a dude. They don't call that horse collar? No. Really? They might have just changed it. Can you grab the hair? Yes. Wow. You should have just taken it out of your helmet. That's crazy. They might have changed that, but yeah. But it looks wild. I love the way it looks. It does look cool. Those dudes have crazy braids coming out of their helmets. That looks dope as fuck. Ricky Williams had that. It's like a good way to shine. Nobody can see your face, so you gotta have... I like it. You gotta have the drip. Yeah, I like it. What was it? Kyle Turley had the long blonde? It was like a Viking. Damn. Yeah. What a pull. Yeah. Paul Molly was like the famous one. Paul Molly looked great. But in MMA, man, in the olden days, you shouldn't really have a ponytail. I know you want to look cool, but like... No. You also shouldn't be in the ring. Joachimos fought quite crazy. I'm not allowed to punch you in the balls and pull your hair. Don't get in the ring. Also, what are you training for? All you have to do is punch a guy in the dick. Is that in the training? You're allowed to punch in the balls. None of this matters. That's a good point. Well, it kind of does because in the early UFCs, you were allowed to punch in the balls and nobody punched Joyce Gracie in the balls. Somebody should have. He knew how to fight. It's not that easy to just punch him in the balls. All right, but if he's crawling on you, you've gotta go for his balls. If you get a chance, but he knows you're gonna do that. Almost no chance to do that. I don't think I could. Obviously, I know I couldn't. Somebody could. I could do it immediately. Sure. But if you were remotely in shape and a guy was doing jujitsu to you, you could probably get his balls or his butthole pretty quick. Squeeze him. What is that? Oh, he pulled the hair. He scalped him. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Look at that. Fuck this guy. That's crazy. He's in bad with you. You're not supposed to touch black people's hair. That's crazy. That's what I heard. He was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. In all fairness, that's probably some stuff that's braided in there anyway, right? Yeah, I hope so. I don't think dudes get extensions. Yeah, for sure. 100%. Oh, yeah. 100%. Yeah, that's crazy. I'm not saying those guys did it. But I'm sure some of them. A lot of those are extensions. So where did that come out from? Yeah, a lot of those are extensions to NFL. Really? I mean, you can't grow that in the summer. What about walk a flock? Yeah, it takes a long time to grow. Summer real, but a lot are not. Yeah. Half of it. How long did it take you to grow that beard? Started it in late April. Damn, son. That's a fish. Pretty good. God damn, I've been growing this for three years. That's crazy. Yeah, I just thought if I had a beard like that, I'd be so cool. I started in a protest before Shane recorded a special and I said, I'm not going to shave it till it comes out. Hell yeah. I grew a full beard once when this dude Evan Tanner died. Evan Tanner was this MMA fighter that had this full beard and he was a real crazy dude, like real interesting guy. He died in the desert. Do you know that story? Yeah. We got lost in a motorcycle, right? Yeah. What? Did we cover this before? I've heard you say this. Yeah. Yeah. So we all, I said, look at that guy. Look at Bert Rogan over there. That's by the way, that's me like shaving the top. You got to shave my cheek area. It goes like a werewolf. It goes for real. Looks like a nostrils. You got a little Hezbollah going here too. You're a real Muslim. But you ever think about converting? No. I view. Fuck it. Really? What? You thought about converting? You'd have to give up the bud lights. No, no, no. What are you talking about? You can just be bad. Oh, you can be bad? Yeah. But isn't that like, do they kill you for that? No, they don't kill you for bud lights. Not in America. But you're gay. American Islam is pretty cool. It's over there Islam is tougher. So in American Islam, tell me what the rules are. Same rules, you just don't do it. Like Catholic girls aren't supposed to fucking the ass, but they still do it. Not all Catholic girls do that, dude. Shut up. Oh, yeah. That's our people. That's all my people, dude. My mom and my sisters. Why is all that? I'm sure they were the cool ones. One of the wildest. I believe it. I don't know. She definitely didn't do anal. Well, they kind of told one of the same. That was the joke. That was the joke. Sorry. You got a jar loose at far of dump somehow. That's taking a number four. Come on, Jamie. J-Mo. So you could drink? Yeah, you could drink. It's just not supposed to, right? I don't think so. And you can't be gay. What about you? You can't be gay. You can't be gay. You can't be gay. You can't be gay. You can't be gay. You can't be gay. You can't be gay. You can't be gay. You can't be gay. You can't be gay. You can't be gay. You can't be gay. What about gay stuff? They kill the gays. You can do a little gay stuff. If you're drinking, you can do a little gay stuff. If it's on a boy. Just as long as they saw them a lake and before you're gay. You're allowed to have a little. Say Catholics have the fucking greatest scheme ever. All you have to do is say you're sorry. Oopsies. The oopsie box. I think that's a fair thing. Go in that box and confess. And they got to say you do this like 20 times and fucking me at this time. Right? Can I just do it 10 times? Sorry. It's not how we do it in a party. What a fucking sweet. What a sweet escape clause though to let people look people in. They probably gave up. Oh, I fucking stole money. Shit. Now I'm out. Yeah. Just tell everybody. You're sorry though. It's actually pretty smart. Remember when someone does something mean to you? Yeah. If they come up and go, yeah, for real. All for real. All for real. But what about the kid fucking? You're all right. Yep. The kid fucking is tough to apologize for. Well, it seems like that came about when they made celibacy mandatory. Yeah. It's an unrealistic. It's like before that there was a time where the priests were like the rock stars. And I think that became a problem because they were probably banging everybody. Yeah. They're the only ones who could read Latin. They're the ones who were like distributing the word of the Lord. Yeah. Where the cool ass outfits everyone else is in potato snacks. Exactly. I'm sure familiar. Can I just fuck Jews or something? I guarantee you. That's how you end up in a well. Yeah. Before it was illegal, I guarantee they fucked everybody. Oh yeah. For sure. I went to Catholic school. It was prevalent. That's why a lot of gays become priests because they're like, this is an evil thing. Or let me go into a place where I'm not allowed to fuck anybody. So it's cool. Right. Most priests are gay dudes. How about confession? That'd be a good podcast. Confession podcast. I just record it. You think most priests are gay dudes? I think most current priests are gay guys. I don't think it's most, but I think it's a big factor of it where it's like, this is the way I can cover up my evil desire. Young dudes do it. Chains out there collecting data. I don't know where you're getting your fucking numbers from. Young dudes becoming Catholic priests now are probably gay. Super gay. Do you know there's a... Ah, man. Every year there's a... God damn it, Morgan. That was a good one. Yeah. That was a really good one. That was great. One out of ten. I'll get one. That was great. You're like seven out of ten. Yeah. You're nonstop, dude. You're on fire. You're on fire. It's gonna keep drinking. Ah, man. Yeah, let's get fucked up, huh? We're trying. I'm in the hangover hole, so I gotta go back to normal with like two glasses. That'll give me a zero and then I can get drunk. You can do it. I believe in you. Yeah, you guys didn't go to Catholic school? You got the Moils. I did. They sucked the little dicks. Moils, yeah. Yeah, you guys are sucking kids' dicks, giving them herpes and shit. I was a Moils assistant for a while just for that suck-fest. Whoa. You got a little snack. You got the crumbs. So sweet. The baby crumbs. He was waiting like a dog at the table. They say it gives some kids herpes because sometimes the Moils got a herpes. Baby's have died. Baby's have died, yeah. What? Baby's that they got from the Moil. Whoa. Damn. That is outrageous. It is pretty outrageous. I didn't hear her speak the best. There's a wild video of this guy explaining why it's important. Pull it up. Really? Yeah. It comes to my time when sand would get in there. Sand? Yeah, and the fucking desert you got to cut up on a baby's dick. That's not your rule. Yeah, fucking wind storms. Yeah. Yeah. Wash it off a little. Stop the dick, Henry. Stop the bleeding. I'm not against circumcision. That's all right. You don't have to suck the kid's dick after a week. I'm against circumcision, but only for the dick sucking. You want that sweet blood. Oh, it's so good. Imagine if they didn't cut the dick. They just said, look, we've decided that's a barbaric practice. It's rooted in ignorance. We're not cutting dicks anymore, but we suck them. We got to suck them. Because it's in the books. It's in the books. Come on. It's tradition. It's the wildest one. Guys, it's written down. I got to suck your baby's dick. It's the wildest one. Come on. Two sucks. I think the killer heard about that. I was just like, what? We got to do something about it. That was his personal pizza gate. Somebody was like, Adolf, you know what they're doing down there? He's like, what the fuck? They told him when he was messed up, too. What? Ultrath facts? These motherfuckers. Ultra Orthodox reached deal on circumcision's suction ritual. Deal? Bill de Blasio made a deal with them. He's the one who killed our park. Yeah, sit down. Bill de Blasio's administration says moles should no longer be- Moil. Moles should no longer be required to obtain signed consent forms before the rights of, say that, Ari. This is worse than last word. Where, where, where? Jesus. Oh, Matzitsa. Matzitsa. Suck with the mouth. Whoa. I love getting a fucking- nothing better than a nice Matzipi pen. Bro. That's the, yeah. Matzitsa, bap\u00e9. Of course, I got a Judah right, that's all I got. I'm glad you write this article. Elon, you got to write this one. Elon Galad. Yikes. There's an article saying it could be a matter of life and death for baby boys. Oh, man. Because of people dying from diseases from the world. How prevalent is this? How much is this going on? When I was younger, I'd see the rabbi just lick his fingers and then do it like that. Touch the tip of the kid's dick? Just wash it off a little. Just a little of this like this here, right? Yeah, but he wouldn't be sucking it. Yeah, but you're still getting his fucking herpes on the kid. Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, I don't think they all had herpes. I remember that. He sounds like a coward. A lot of these rabbis don't have herpes. He said Abraham to circumcise himself. What? I don't remember that part. When Abraham was 99. He was the OG. He was the OG circumcision. Oh my God. When Abraham was 99, God appeared to him and instructed him. What is this website first before you? Oh, it's a religious website because it's g-dan. Khamad.org. They're the outreach. Oh, that's right. Okay. Appeared to him and instructed him to circumcise himself and all the male members of his household, including his 13-year-old son Ishmael. They're all gay. When he was a pre-emcision, God sent angels to inform Abraham that his wife Sarah would give birth to Isaac, the long-awaited heir to Abraham's tradition. This is why the Arabs are mad. This is when Abraham was 99. He had a kid. What? Yeah, he had a second kid. But she knew. He had his first kid when he was 86. Yeah, but right there it says when his wife Sarah. That's when he was 99. This is why the Arabs are mad because they're like, well, the firstborn son, that's Ishmael. This is not real. No, of course. 99, get out of here. Of course. What are you talking about? It's totally real. Guys. Guys. They wouldn't write down something that isn't real. That's like months back then. It was just like, I don't know. Wasn't Moses like 800 or something? About that. Yeah. I think they got that wrong. He got to 120 in Moses. You think Mark Norman's clock is bad? Do you know how fucking bad their clocks were actually? They had no idea how long a year was. They were just guessing. Oh yeah. You know how much of a flight it'd be? It'd be like, yo, it's Tuesday. It'd be like, dude, I swear to God. Meet me here at 3 p.m. I didn't mean anything. Yeah. For real, via Cabamba, Ecuador, all these people lived in their hundreds and they couldn't figure out why. And then one researcher went down there and was like, how do you guys live so long? Is it the water or something? And he figured out, they're just lying. Yeah. They came back two years later. They aged 10. Look what this says. How do you say that dude's name, Ari? Methuselah. No, the first guy. Lamech. Did you say that? Lamech begets Noah. Lamech begets Noah at age 188. Oh, come on. Methuselah lives 802 years after begetting him. He was also the oldest of all figures mentioned in the Bible. Methuselah is mentioned once in the Hebrew Bible outside of Genesis and in Chronicles 1-3. I love the term begets. I told a couple girls to beget rid of it. What's the age that gets set there? Like 600? How does that work? Ninety-nine year old dudes having kids. Well that's, you know. We're getting close now. We're just talking about it. Which is funny. 800. That's a wild thing to do man because you're not going to be around. Imagine getting carted. Not going to be around. You're just not going to be around. God, I wish my special could have been 47 hours. I would have covered all of this shit. Jew. Do it again. Do it again. Bring it back. You probably could do Jew too. Just circumcision you could do. Like, judum. Can't have your nose come out of the water. That was wonderful. The fin. Come on man. And then Jew too. You too. You could do it. Ari. Let's film something dope. I got bonus features I'll put out at some point. They're like Q&A's all over the world. I never put, I never just didn't quite make it to the special. But can I just say this podcast, Protect Our Parks has some of the biggest specials around. Mine was huge last year. Shane's is going to be huge. Mark Norman's top 10 for two weeks on Netflix. We're just waiting for one more member. Oh you fucking hack. When's this coming? I don't know. I haven't even thought about it. What? It's an hour. Because I've just been writing new material and fucking around. Alright. It's probably a good move. I'm so busy right now. I just, like right now I like doing whatever the fuck I feel like doing. Well I wish I hadn't put mine out. I got zero new shit. It's fun though, right? It's fun but you sell out a show and people are like hey we like this guy. And you go up and they're like ugh. What happened? But I'll get there. I'll get there. It takes a while. When you take that stack of notes that you have, how do you figure out what you're doing? Well the top sheet is the new stuff. The main. The top sheet. Yeah. And what are those back sheets? That's old stuff. Give us a visual. Well I didn't bring it up today because I got crucified on the lab. My DMs went nuts. And now every show I do they go pull out the notes. I want to see them. Well they're at the hotel in a case. So you do set lists. You better put those, the broom service is going to throw those out. Well once you see those, the master's going to throw those out. The maids are going to throw those out. So she won't touch it. Hi Dios mios. My maids today moved the lotion and the hand towels to my bed stand. Nothing worse than that. That's weird. She moved it to the head? Yeah. She's like I've waited on you before. You left it on the bed, dude. You left it on the bed. Yeah that's what it was. You left it on the bed, dude. I left it on the floor. She cleaned it up. I'm joking. I feel bad. You're 50. Oh you're so gross. I'm jacking off leading lotion on the ground. And if she saw your beard. Oh yeah do you have a little beard, tears on your pillow? No but if she saw you and she knew whose loads it worked. God damn it. I was hoping it was somebody hot. That's an old Jew load. Crazy bearded man who lives in the forest. She's whacking off up there. Yeah I'm a cop. I'm out of a fucking lighthouse just jacking off. I know you tugboat Jew. I tugboat. Are you studying religion more than any of us? Probably I would say. What do you think started it all? The way to exist. Have you ever thought about it? No joke. The way to exist so we have some rules so nobody tries to fuck your wife anymore. Make up some rules for sure like that. Don't try to kill any of us. There's a monster up there so if you hit him he's going to fuck you up. It's pretty smart. It's like the candles with candles. It's the way to build society. These are the rules. Right but the problem with that explanation is that would mean that one person knows better. Or someone knows better. And they're writing these rules out for everybody. But it doesn't seem like that's the case. It seems like everybody believed them. It wasn't like there was a group of people that didn't believe in the gods. They all kind of believed in it at one point in time. And they were writing these rules based on something. But where the fuck did they... What's the real origins of all those stories? Well it's like the media narrative. They want to tell you what they want you to know. I think it's just like every society was like we all sort of agree with this. So that became like... But the thing is... It's also every civilization does it. Like they don't kill us. So just instinctively it's a human instinct to be like there's something else. It's like the reason you're talking about how nobody's content which is actually probably a good thing. That way we keep striving. There's gotta be something up there. There's something inside people that's like there's something out there. It's gotta be. We're not just dying here. This can't be it. We are. Otherwise we're not going to build this cool pyramid. Exactly. So you know what Baha'i says? Baha'i says like the things you find in every religion. Like don't kill, don't steal, don't fuck your neighbor's wife, the flood. That's like that's probably the word of God. Everything else is some church fucking it up. Like kosher like that's just you guys. Nah. If you could go back at any point in time and see how people were living. It'd just be like an invisible bulletproof bubble. You could just exist and watch and no one would know you were there. That'd be fun. If you were like 1890s and you're just not the racist guy. No danger. No dinosaurs. No danger. Yeah anything. Whatever you want. 1930s Germany. No. Occupied France. I wouldn't fucking see what happened. I wouldn't want to occupy Wall Street. I'd be like this is so quaint. You guys know what's coming. I was like you guys have a really good idea. But it seems like you're not doing a lot with it. I would say Dark Ages plague. No that'd be a nightmare. I know. You're bulletproof. You're bulletproof. Bulletproof's a good detail too. Yeah. You're not in another universe. Okay. You exist in another dimension. You're in a dimensional sphere that's allowing you to take place without. You can't be interacted with. Nothing can touch you. Impossible. So you can't fuck middle aged whores. No no you can't go nutty. You can't go nutty. Middle aged whores were eight back then. Everybody died in 15. It's like anger. Eight year old anger. Everybody was dying. They were just dying. There's a book called The Great Mortality by John Kelly I was looking at. It was fucking crazy. The King of England showered three times in three months. Oh my God. And that was a scandal. Everyone was like this motherfucker. He's using up the water. He thinks he is something else. Right. Oh my God. It was rare to change your clothes once a year. God. Well that's what they said about the Mongols that they're clothes because there was animal skins. They were made out of rats and shit. Literally, yeah rats. Literally rot off of them. Wow. They're clothes were like rotting off of them. There's two places I would go there. I would go to see Genghis Khang take over like cities and chair. I would like to see that. I'd love to see somebody being at a pole pot village right before he comes. Shit like that. Yeah. Imagine the pussy smell then. That's wild. Louis XIV was terrified of bathing. He said to have taken only three baths in his life. I thought it was in three months. Three. That's crazy. What a different guy. Oh it's probably another one. Louis took the trend for perfumery to new heights by... Is this Seung King? Commissioning his perfumer to create a new scent for each day of the week. Oh hold on. That's the best part. That's the bro. That's actually like the best part. Oh it was thought that water spread disease so the less you bathe the less vulnerable you were. Which I probably did. Wow. Yeah it's like pond water. Yeah. Wow. It was like shitting into holes in the ground and not washing their assholes. The cities were just same water. Everyone throwing their shit out of their fucking window. Dude. No plumbing. Slaughterhouses everywhere. They were at the store everywhere. Reading the story that detailed when people were like at the beginning of the turn of the century in America and what it was like in like the early 1900s in American cities. They couldn't get food up to them. It was horrible. Yeah. Like Amazon's dropping off your produce. No like back then no one's dropping off Jack's shit. Yeah hell. No one's growing anything. That's it. Terrible nutrition. Check out this article called the disgusting history of royal palaces. Hell yeah. Just the very like first thing. That's our. Henry's court. What about it? Because I have so much human waste that was accumulating. Oh. So it did keep moving. They weren't just exercising. They actually did escape the disgusting messes large royal parties produced. Palaces like Henry's Hampton Court had to be constantly evacuated so they could be cleaned of the accumulated mounds of human waste. No plumbing. Livestock and farmland also needed time to recover after supplying food for so many people. Once the tour was over Henry and a swelling court of over a thousand would keep moving for the rest of the year traveling frequently between the king's 60 residences in a vain attempt to live in hygienic surroundings. So he just kept shitting in all his different houses. He's the real show. He's shit where he ate. I've been in there fucking eating poop for 12 years. We had to move. These fucking people didn't know not to just shit in your house. He's your hoarder. He just kept moving. Let's spot spot spot. This room's done. You go outside you might get hit with an arrow. Right. Shit in the pouch. Yeah. With an ax out. So there's a million Jason Voorhees is outside. Oh my god. The hallways would be come so caked with grime and soot from constant fires that they were fairly black. The very crush of the court members was so dense that it made a thorough house cleaning impossible and futile. Though cleanliness standards were subpar throughout the medieval Renaissance and Regency eras. Royal courts were typically dirtier than the average small cab at our home. I'll be honest Europe still fucking stinks dude. Doesn't it? Yeah I was just there last week. Really? None of the windows are great. No. Where fucking DO's are. They got the BO bad. They go on as fat dude. They stink like shit. That's true. They do stink a lot. Oh it's the worst. I'm not doing great. Are they noticeably fatter? No. No. They're thinner. Way thinner. Way thinner but I'm saying UK is catching up. UK's got some chubs. UK's on our heels. Oh really? They're just 10 years 20 years ahead of them. They're pasty. They got all the fast food and shit. They just got three of those. They're gross like pasty and red. There's nothing wrong with being pasty, red and fat. Some people like it dude. Some girls like it. Alright. But yeah. You know they said in old New York they had a company that would just move dead horses out the road. Cause horses would just die and you'd just leave it there. What are you gonna do? Push it in a dumpster? Oh Jesus. Who paid for that? Taxes? And there's horse shit everywhere. Horse shit everywhere. But it's like an old car that just breaks down. You just leave it. By the way imagine living in a whole city that's filled with people who took a fucking boat from Europe. Everybody's a gambler dude. Everyone's a gambler. Those are wild folks. Ellis Island must have smelled horrible. A boat that might not get there. Might not get there. Just for the chance. Right? How much do you really know about what's over there? Nothing. Somebody lied to you at a bar in fucking Ireland. Dude. The baddest streets are paid with gold man. I'm getting 15 gold pence a day. And then you show up and you're like what is this black guy? Son of a bitch. Yeah you show up and go hey you're going to fight in the civil war. What the fuck is that? Wait we're in a war with Italians here? We haven't even meet them before. You gotta shoot at other Irish guys right away. Weird. Mmm. Oh yeah. The Donner party. Let's take a chance on a different state. Donner party. Oh Jesus Christ. Grandpa just died. Just keep walking. Should we go next year? Ah we gotta go this year. Yeah. There's something over there. Curiosity. How many people have they talked to that made that journey before them? Yeah. Was there anybody? No a couple. The one guy was like I know a better way. The guide. Oh the guy said I know a better way. The scammer. So he was like you gotta leave by March and they're like late May still works. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. They just assumed someone's over there? Literally a map quest. Literally a map quest. They were literally trying to make a map. They were just guessing. Yeah. They were kind of guessing. They would eat like leather and shit. Just boil a shoe. And they were fucking the whole time? Well. In the back of those wagons they were all fucking. They would have kids. They'd have kids. Really? Yeah there's nothing to do. You're just stuck in the back of a wagon. They split up. One of the two parties had one fucking axe for firewood and they were swinging it and then that fucking axe handle just flew off 200 yards into the snow and they were like we're all dead. Yeah. He couldn't find it? It was gone. What? They had to leave trees on fire. That didn't work for long. Wait did you read that book? Under the indifferent stars above? No we were just nearby there. Oh really? All the histories everywhere. When they found them they were like. The snowdrifts were so big that they were in pits of like 20 feet of snow. They would like the people, the rescue people found them. They would like look in the pit. They'd see someone just like. Yeah. Eating humans. They were like oh we gotta just cover this pit. This person's dead too. Not to mention some fucking Choctaw's coming at you with a face paint. That's a bullshit Chippewa. Yeah. They had a couple of Indian guides and then they saw them looking at them like drumsticks and those cartoons. Yeah. You guys are on your own. Yeah. Sack of Joia. Sack lunch. The wild thing is that's not that long ago. No. No. That's not that long ago at all. It was like the 50s. I always say it's like 1977. It's three people ago. But this is why we make up all these problems because look what we used to have to deal with. That's in our DNA and now it's all easy. It's a gravy train and we gotta make up shit. There's definitely that. People like to stay at a fucking pretty steady level of discontent. Yes. And when life gets easier they find new things to hit that level. To get mad about. Exactly. It could be gender, it could be the climate, it could be the vaccine, it could be the train. Climate is, I'm not trying to, you know, minimalize it. But it is funny to be mad about the weather. I swear to God I know it's getting hotter. We're doing the best we can. You guys gotta turn it down. Alright. The hikers resigned themselves to cannibalism and considered drawing lots for human sacrifice or even having two of the men square off in a duel. Several members of the party soon died naturally however so the survivors roasted and consumed their corpses. Hey is this gruesome? They gave them the energy they required and following a month of walking. Jeff Ross is up there. Seven of the original fifteen made it to a ranch in California and helped organize rescue efforts. Wow. They got roasted. Oh my God. For someone so pure and tan they sure taste like shit. Imagine just hanging out with that dude if he survived. Donner party. You would have done it too. Not much of a party. You would have done it. Don't judge me please. Yeah there was a lady that was like dead silent about it. She was like a famous survivor of it. Ice please. Ice bucket. Yeah call ice. Ice bucket challenge. There we go. Thank you. The scariest part of that book in different stories of what was the fucking the planes were so like that was nuts back then. The great planes. Oh yeah. It was like it was nothing and it was an ocean and it was terrifying but like a little toddler because you're with your family and you would stop obviously but like if a little kid got off the wagon and started wandering around they would just get lost in the tall grass. Oh wow. You couldn't find them. Coyote would eat it. There's rattlesnakes. Have another one. There's a bunch of bullshit. Wow. Good times. Let them keep wandering. You just lose your kid like 10 feet away from you. And now I'm like the domino's tracker sucks. Yeah like this fucking guy didn't deliver my fucking hoagie fast. Come on Muhammad. That's a good point man. Yeah. Because it's not like all that land was excavated and fucking it was a tall grass. There was rumors of an easy way through. Not like a paved road somewhere. Just like there's less trees right there I think we can gut it. Is that why there's people in Oklahoma? Because they just stopped there? Stopped. Is that it? Yeah. Because it's sick of losing fucking kids. Some of them they gave them homesteads. They gave them homesteads because they used them as bait to fight off the Comanche. They couldn't get through Texas, Oklahoma. The Comanche conquered this whole area. They fucking ruled it because they were the best on riding horses. They were the best at killing people. They were for real. They were wild. Empire of the Summer Moon. Amazing books. But they just gave these people these ranches and didn't tell them. And then all of a sudden Comanche would just show up and just slaughter the whole family. And then they would have a reason to go after the Comanche. And then there was like you know it wasn't until the Texas Rangers came along and then they started using pistols. That was when they had a revolver so we could shoot five shots. That was the Colt 45 I think it was. Or the Colt, it wasn't 40. Willie D. Williams. But whatever the gun was. The original gun that was the first pistol. And that let them go bang bang bang bang. Instead of bang and then a fucking musket. We got to put the ball in six and they're running at you throwing arrows at you. So everybody was getting killed until they figured out pistols. So once they had a revolver then the Texas Rangers started. And they also started cold camping and doing it. But the book is wild dude. That revolver is like you know when the movie The Aliens and you finally blow up the ship and you realize oh there's 14 more. And the whole movie was blowing up one. You're like oh we're fucked. They must have been like we're barely fighting off these whites. And then it was like bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah. Yeah it's over. They got us. They also started using long range rifles. That was the moment where they were like oh it's really over. Damn. They got a fucking yeah all the buffalo hunters had like basically sniper rifles. Alright just give us some blankets we'll call it even. Yeah. Those guys were getting really good at making long. I got a bunch of rifles. blankets have a smell on them. Small bucks. Yeah once they had rifles it was kind of game over. But those Texas Rangers were so tough. They're bad ass guys. That was a wild thing to do man. I think they were all in love and were bad. Oh really? Yeah everybody was bad. Bad was like a standard back then. Is a different standard. Sure. Just a few hundred years ago everybody was a murderer. All you had to do was not shoot someone in the back. You were facing them at a table and they weren't reached for anything it was fine. Those old west movies they probably watered it down. For real. You know. Howdy partner. Army revolver that's it single action Colt's patented firearms manufacturer. This is an 1871. Damn that killed a lot of people. So once they first you know started using those things the whole game changed. Imagine buying one of those you're like hey I won't die. Yeah. It's gonna save my life. Yeah and you're running after the Comanche. I think you had to take the whole centerpiece out. To change it? Yeah you had to take the whole thing out and you could have another one. How quick was it to change over? Oh it had six shots. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Well for back then that's crazy. 1871. Yeah. How long did they have the first Russian roulette with that? Didn't they have some revolvers in the Civil War? The American Civil War? They had carbines and shit right? 1871. But that would have been before yeah. So they would have to take I think they'd have to take that whole centerpiece out the original ones. You see there in the far right. Oh yeah. So that comes out. And they put another one in there. You had to have a packed one already right? Yeah you probably had a few on your pockets you know that you were carrying around with you. How cool is that in the army when they're fucking talking? Fucking reload. Oh yeah. And they get back up there. Yeah it's cool. That's fun. That's part movie. That lady fucking colonized Palestine. Oh geez. Oh yeah no it wasn't swamp before. Oh. Hotel of Eve wasn't literally a swamp before. The fucking Jews got there. How'd you guys get there? What? British ships? Yeah. You still need the goy. The goy's gave it to you. The way. And how do you get that? Never mind. Goy or goy? Goy or goy? Goy or goy? Goy or goy? Goy or goy? Goy or goy? That's a good clip. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Don't you have a train to catch? History is fun. It's crazy that shit really happened. Well it's crazy that it didn't happen that long ago. Yeah. When I was a kid I would think about World War II. I thought it was so long ago. But it wasn't. I was born in 67. It just got done. Oh my god. Yeah. It just got done. 20 years. 20 years. So that's from here to 2003. 2003 was a long... That's not that long ago. It's crazy. 2003 does not seem like that long ago. That was like World War II from the time I was born. Holy shit. That's crazy. That's wild. You know what's crazy? The kid AJ in Sopranos is now the same age as Gandolfini in the first season. Whoa. Wild. Seems like I should be older. That show seems like it ended a million years ago. That show was amazing. Great show. Killed Gandolfini. Killed him. Did it? He had a character too much. He ate himself to death. Is that what it was? You pull up what he ate on that last night. He was in Rome just going to town. I think he was also doing blow. Probably. I think the guy's a part of it. I'm not that crimscavy. Look at Bert Kreischer. He's still out there kicking. True. Bert's becoming an actor. He's like I only take roles with the character drinks a lot. Yes. The machine. I don't think the role killed him. No. That's what they always said. He got so fucking deep into those fucking murders. It was like. It was a general role. James Gandolfini's last meal included two portions of fried King Prawns, fogwa, and eight boozy drinks. That's not bad. That's not so bad. That's overblown. That's a real thing, mate. I bet it was something else. A large portion of... This heart attack. Well, Google James Gandolfini cocaine. Yeah. It's a Rome. Get off of your rules. Great guy. So good, dude. So good. He was so good. I think he was only 51. 51. 51. Damn. All right. You're done. He said to have eaten the entire meal by himself, along with two rounds of a pina colada and two rums on the side before having another two beers. These guys. This arc was fucking... That's us. It's written by a dork. Someone's rattin' on him. They're being like, he died from the food. It's like, nah. But was he doing coke too, or was that just a real one? I don't want to say that. He was an actor. He got to be. He did. I would go ahead and guess. I don't think it was a pina colada and shrimp. It is crazy that he is. I think he was probably doing a little... Hey, Siri, how many shrimp has killed people? He was doing something awesome, probably. Another article says chronic cocaine abuse. Damn. It's all in its wide. Damn. There you go. What is abuse, Dr. Hart? And what is enjoyment? What is this abuse talk? Heart attack. Why are we using this language, this restrictive language of abuse? Good point. A little coke every now and then will keep you flying right. You know what the wildest number thing that we were just talking about the other day? That between the invention of the air from the first flight with the airplane for Wilbur and Orville Wright, it was less than 50 years before they dropped a nuclear bomb out of war. Wow. We like war. That's fast. How wild is that? I'm not surprised. That's wild. I mean, that's wild. That's insane. Imagine flying it off of an aircraft carrier. Stupid fucking plane that they had the first time. I'm like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. It barely worked. I was feeling like, barely worked. That's my new material trying to get off. Eventually it'll get there. Eventually it'll be a giant bomb. Bye! Oppenheimer. They go from that to a nuclear bomb dropping on Hiroshima. Yeah. Woo-wee! And the plane part was like the also-ran of the story. Yeah. Yeah. Good times. The Enola Gabe. You ever seen the movie Flight? He does a lot of bloating to stay straight. Well the Kamikazes were all doing some form of adventure. Oh, yeah. It is pretty crazy when you see a fucked up guy at a bar. They go to the bathroom and come out fine. Duh! That's true. It's effective. Yeah, it does do its job. It works. It works. Yeah, Ari's not recommending it, ladies and gentlemen. It's just my observations. It's effective. Yeah. Yeah, look at these guys. I mean, this is pretty wild. This is 50 years after the invention of the fucking airplane. Guys, this is nuts. This is crazy. This is a cockpit from Star Wars. It's so nuts. Look at that thing. That's beautiful. I mean, now go back to the stupid Kitty Hawk one. I love these. Let's look at that one. Yeah. Let's see the original. Everybody made fun of them. Open up a new tab so we can go back and forth. So now it's like, can you believe I sat in the runway for 30 minutes? It's called a runway because we literally had to fucking Fred Flintstone run to start this. Oh, yeah, bro. Look at this. Wow. Look at that thing. That's not bad. That counts. If it breaks apart, it kills everyone instantly. Right. But they go from that. That what you're seeing right there to a fucking giant plane that can carry a nuclear bomb. America or the atomic bomb. We got the car, the plane, the phone, the radio. It's so beautiful. That nuclear. I don't know. It's so wild. What a crazy invention. And then that's when the aliens start showing up. A squid. It's almost like we were sent to beacon them. The aliens just immediately start fucking hovering over big cities and military races. Have you ever heard squids or aliens? You people don't. Like in Mexico. Have you ever heard squids or aliens? Squids have you ever heard that? Yeah. I think it's from him. Yeah. All right. That thing looked like a squid. It's a beacon to the fucking call the rest of them. Squid. They never die. Those octopus are like immortal. That's Hiroshima. This thing turns into a balloon. Oh, that's a great one. What the fuck? I've heard the audio of the scientists are so horny about it. Yeah, they are. I've watched this one. The scientists are boners watching this. It has the floppy ears. It looks like it has much longer tentacles. Yeah, it looks a lot bigger. Damn, that's cool. That's so cool. And that shrinks too. It's really small. The ocean is just space the other way. Well, it is. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, that's a high thought for sure. I mean, that's fucking insane. But true. That looks like an alien. It looks like an alien. Big bushes. Wow. It's like a labia. It's like a cocc. That's a circumcision. Look at the moist and the moi is stepping in right now. I can definitely I can definitely do it. My balls can. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, could you shoot that fucking thing? Yeah, what's it doing? That's wild. But that's not as wild as octopus. Yeah, that's when when I change their texture to look exactly like a coral. When you're down there, they're like, oh, there's one. They go back to me. I want that explained to me. Like how the fuck are they? They change texture. Go to octopus camouflage. And they shoot ink, I believe. They shoot. They shoot. They shoot. Jerome Dennis Notre Dame highlights. What they can do is this volume. What they can do with so wild is they look like the floor. They change texture as well as color. It's a texture. Yeah. No, they can make their skin look different. They can make it look like rocks. Look at that. Look at that. No way. Yes, man. No way. Yes. Oh, there it is. I see it now. Dude. Oh, wait. No, he had the stones on top of him. This one did. No, but some of go to the ones where they change colors and look down. Let's blend it in. If octopi are aliens, they're doing a shit job. Watch this. Here we go. Watch this. Whoa. That's a perfect example. Go back to that again. Go back to that. Free stream. Look at the tentacles on it. It changes texture. Wow. So it changes texture exactly like what it's on top of. It's like dolezal. It goes so fast. It's within a second. How does it know? It's just dolezal. I mean, bro, how smart are those things? What's going on? That's a match this. Look at that. Come on. Adapt. Here we go. Look at it. It's figuring out what the color of the ground is. Holy shit. And then once it figures it out, it changes to look like the ground. It's got trans togals. And they're gangsters. They grab things and eat them. Look like a lion. Pull it up. I mean, what a fucked up way to exist. All they do is grab the other one. They're gonna grab the guy. Fuck off, you crab. The crab's gonna get it. They're gonna get it. The crab's gonna get it. No, the crab's just zero chance. What are you gonna fucking do? Those things are delicious. I do love a crab. Oh, look at him run out of his hole. Look at him go down a hole. Come on, that's an alien. That thing goes an alien. That's an alien and a gator is a dinosaur. Oh, for sure. Looking like snakes. Oh, he's eating the fish. Well, gators existed when dinosaurs existed. You hear me call that, Jamie? That was a good call. What is that? I said he's trying to be a lionfish. Hey, you're a lionfish. You got to pee again. I was getting some ice. Why are you chastising him for peeing? I thought he was gonna pee, the old man. I got to pee soon. When I pee, the bong's coming back, dude. I saw it on the turn. We're gonna turn the jets up a little bit. Then where is octopus bullshit? It's time for Mike Allstott highlights. Mike Allstott? Who's that? I'm a star. Who's Mike Allstott? Football player who didn't die in battle. What? Football player who didn't die in battle, right? What'd you just say? I'm a star. I'm a star. I'm a star. Football player who didn't die in battle. What? Football player who didn't die in battle, right? What? Football player who didn't die in battle, right? What'd you just say about Mike Allstott? It's a football player. Yes. He didn't die in battle, should he? No, I don't know. How about that Bo Jackson? He was strong. He was. Yeah. He could break a bat over his knee. Yes, Allstott. Let's go. Who's this guy? Fucking white hunk. One of the last good whites. The last of the great whites until McCaffrey. Well, you see Johnny Manziel? Look at this, dude. Get off me, you fucking idiot. That was a great, great little documentary. It's a white guy breaking out of a target. I'm a star. I'm a star. That is a crazy ass sport. Come here, motherfucker. Where are we going? I can't believe you're actually playing Mike Allstott highlights. How old is this? Good job. Isn't it wild that America's number one sport is without a doubt the most violent? 100 percent. You'll see some sort of collisions? It's war. Well, you're not going to be a fighter. You're going to be a fighter. I'm a fighter. I'm a fighter. I'm a fighter. I'm a fighter. I'm a fighter. I'm a fighter. I'm a fighter. I'm a fighter. It's war. Well, UFC, it's neck and neck with \u2013 Who's number one now? Yeah, but UFC has some regulations. Concussions? No, no, sport. What is the number one sport in terms of Washington, LA, too? UFC, Texas or NFL? No. No. UFC hasn't passed NBA, I guess. I think it's Cornhole. What? Top 100 most broadcast events of last year. It's mostly football. They're almost all football games. What's the flag? Look at that. This one soccer game at 38. Yeah, those are like the big ones. What is the lighter football? A Trump DOG. A college football game? So, these are all NFL games specifically. It's all football except for a couple soccer and one horse race one Olympic Olympic I'm 36 the odds made it in there turkeys on 40 two or three soccer games, which are probably Academy Awards was 77 gays don't support their own. Yeah, that is that's the nose Just cuz I'm slap without a doubt 82 of the hundred events were NFL games Is the slap in the World Cup the soccer games was World Cup if that was a different year? Oh, yeah. Good point. Oh messy amazing That's that's America sport baseball's. It isn't so violent. No, not a single baseball baseball rules though I like those rules. It's a great way to get drunk, but you have to have a free time for baseball. Yeah. Yeah Same with football Yeah Yeah, they had a few four dollar Yankee tickets in the outfit this year you just go there chill, right? Yeah, I would see baseball games since there is a lot of downtime. Do you just mostly talk shit? Yeah We go with all the comics sometimes Comics of that me and mark on nipple tassels one the year Oh, yeah in the fucking bleachers having a good time each of talking shit. We got hammered on that damn Jesus Oh, yeah, that's about drunk as you get as a baseball. Oh, yeah a lot of beer so long and fucking boring It's a beer They're gonna close in the seventh. We got to get as many beers as we can right now and you pregame. Yeah And then you post game. It's a fucking good sport, dude Remember Jose Conseco he was fun Yeah, this darrow is that was sick yeah Everybody darrow strawberry Talks about John Rocker on here John Rocker ruled. I'm Jenny. Please find John Rockers interviews Dude, he was the guy he was like the great radio impetus impetus for no using the hours. Yeah Oh really use for Kenny Powers You Gotta love that McBride Was it baseball player be a serial killer there's one there's one quote he has he's like I would never play in New York You got sitting next to some queer with AIDS Christ The foreigners Going out here anybody speak in English Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people want everything up there How the hell they get in this country? They threw Russian in there. That's a way Jesus Christ Yeah, it wasn't race. It was just like really he would sprint out of the bullpen dude obviously on steroids his neck We got a rocker on here Before the quote before the quote I remember my dad being like son sit down you got to watch this guy Really? Yeah, just him cuz they were in the same division as the Philly, so I'd watch him He was lights out. It was a great closer Beast yeah Till he said that thing about one thing Easily the first guy to get cancer What year was this that's a different guy down in late 80s 90s when was Crocker early age? Remember I miss no rocker was like 90 Mid 90s 90s. I was watching it people used to say crazy shit all the time all the time Jimmy the Greek was the best Oh And the guy from golf who was like well women can't be as good cuz I got these big Think they just did did some chess organization just banned Gender men or transgender women, which is weird I don't know Men man smarter than women apparently chess is not just one sport for men and women The Queen's Gambit is not real World chess body plans transgender women from women's tournaments. What is there a Strength component to chess I understand why they're separate no, it's mental brain Well poker they just got one yeah, but it's even more of an advantage to be a man mentally I That's the only way to say this to divisions I Bet I bet the Federation's based in like Russia. Oh, yeah No, no, this makes sense right here change of gender is a change that has a significant impact on a player's status and future eligibility to tournaments Therefore it can only may be made if there is a relevant proof of the change provided You can't just say you're trans you gotta have this surgery Whoa Provide documentation that the gender train change complies with the national laws of regulations through their own Federation it then has to be confirmed in writing that the players familiar with the restrictions established by these regulations and undertakes to comply with Them. Yeah, they're just saying don't cheat this ism This is like when Jews apply for African American grants because they say I'm a rockin Jewish, right? And it was like that's not we're talking about yeah, right. Well, the Asians are getting fucked with the colleges Yeah, although they took that law away. I think affirmative action. Yeah, so now it means Asians are just gonna fill up all colleges Hey, they're the best. They're the best. Look at the NBA who gives a fuck if they're the best of the best Yeah, let's have them. They're our country. They're number one. Let's have them without a doubt and they keep quiet about it Yeah, they're very smart people Well, if there is a group of people that's dominating any one particular field and someone is competing with them I guess you're gonna have to do better. Yeah, exactly Clearly if you're intellectually competing with people that are working way harder than you Yeah, and it means more to them and they're way more serious about it than you They're probably gonna get ahead of you that first week of college when you see all the Asian kids like we've been studying Oh, it's not weird for us. Damn you're gonna head Look at the Indians with the spelling bee they kill it. They crush it because our names are rush Mahara darned off Really no phonetics crazy shit for their whole lives That's the vacant rhymes with cake apparently vague the vague Rhymes with cake. It was that what it's so funny hearing these names and not knowing anything about it Yeah, it's here in like a name of like a political guy. It's fascinating for you Like for me to know you too because you don't pay attention. Yeah, so it's interesting like what gets to Ari What is what does something have to be like so interesting or yeah in the world? Yeah, submarine they go what gets to me what else Lizzo Lizzo you hear rumors of things Thing Good way to approach life because only the really serious stuff gets in right the only news I need is another weather report right sit around wondering what the world economic forum is plotting who gives a fuck to you? Yes, you know this matter you heard about hunter Biden and all that heard about a little bit. Yeah big things you hear about Okay, what about the thing's dead you hear about the Queen is dead capital riot capital January 6 Yeah, I was an Ecuador on that. I said a text everyone was talking about My view is a me on a hammock looking at it like beautiful woods and Joe goes oh, yeah, you're winning this You hear about Baroza What's Baroza? Don't worry about the place hunter Biden worked. Oh, don't worry about Will Ferrell gonna play him in a movie That would be amazing cocaine bear to Or Jim McBride either those guys do a movie what will Ferrell could kill it could kill it He's a little too old though. I bet they're close Although back when hunter was really killing it back with her that's He's a younger guy. Yeah, James Franco. There you go. The return of the king He's got a little stank on it. Yeah, that might work Leaving baggies at the fucking white house Allegedly might not be him that are no repercussions. No, it is the White House. How do we know? We don't know honestly. I've been a lot of people doing cocaine there. I would hope Obviously if they're like if you're if you don't do coke and then Obama or Trump or Biden is like line it up You'd be like I'm doing coke Obama did cocoa people. So are you saying I think you did crackin a sex with a chef? Whatever happened to that chef by the way, he drowned in a pond. Oh two feet of water Yeah, that's a weird one Yeah, I Get you boy. I'm bad. Imagine though if the chef really did drown Obama be like fuck No chance Fuck this guy And then you got Tucker Carlson saying he has gay sex. Oh, yeah, he keeps saying over and over I don't talk. There's wild now these on Twitter. You can say whatever fuck you want. Oh, yeah, buddy He's not right or left. Oh, really? He's not right or left see that the worst thing he does though Is he does this thing so I was watching the interview we did with like the Hungarian Prime Minister you guys see that one Uh-uh, Tony. I'm watching all these fucking things It's very good. If it's I mean maybe unless the Hungarian Prime Minister is a fucking nut job, which you know could be he's a fucking Hungarian Prime Minister. Yeah HBM but the whole time they're talking about like the war in Russia and all this very serious stuff, but occasionally Fucking Tucker will just be like oh The laugh is bad What I realized who he was was Gomez was Gomez is on there Oh, and he goes and he goes what how do you feel of politics and Gomez just goes Lewis just goes uh, Apologies is gay He literally laughs like usually yeah, he's like royal yeah I Saw him pack his in and I was like this guy's a fool. Oh, he's trying to be cool No, you don't need to pack these he literally was like Shane hates people for frat reasons He plays beer pong and lets it bounce that's cool that you could go that way I Took shrooms the other day penis envy the But I went saw a concert and they weren't kicking in so I kept eating them and my buddy was doing a zen I go. Let me try one of these. Oh put it in Shroomed my face off. They like kicked it up. It was not good I missed the whole concert. They do that in certain ceremonies. They blow tobacco smoke on people. No you snort tobacco It's a way up it was a huge mistake both. Oh, yeah, people snort tobacco. That's like mixed with a bunch of other shit, too Oh, yeah Yeah, there's stuff called. I think it's called a coulee and they fucking blow it up each other's nostrils snuff like oh Yeah, like you stand over there, and I have like a bamboo And apparently it's nasty Boys shooting shit off each other see what's fine whatever that shit is you're gonna go nose It's like a Below gun filled with a drug. I think it's called a coulee, but I don't know how to spell that who hey Those guys were having a good time having a good time. They figured some stuff out Yeah, take a man who's stuck in a jungle you got a leaf over your dick, but I don't want to get high as fuck Bro, this rivers filled with fish Think of figuring out how to get high back then yeah Jungle you're like yo we're getting ripped this one It's a shamanic snuff it contains Nicotenia rustica type of tobacco also known as Macho it's different from the tobacco using cigarettes, which is nickel Tiana Tobacco although it contains tobacco. You don't want to smoke rape Jesus Christ Yeah, instead it's ministered to your into your nose say that cat Williams. Oh, he's like this shit's called right It also contains other medicinal and sacred plants including parts from tree bark leaves seeds and various plants Once collected the components become pulverized with a pestle and strained through a mesh The result is a fine light colored powder Different combinations of plants provide different uses in effect and the exact recipes often kept secret by the shaman That's how bad we want to get high yeah, they'll try anything remember when they were licking frogs backs They probably still are it's really This they get their secretion they smoke it whoa secretion off of the frog They'll like put it on like a glass like a window pane and they they rub it all Over and the frog freaks out creates his juicy shit Wow And then you put the frog back in his little frog box and then you let the shit dry in the Sun Then you scrape it off and smoke it. How do you figure that out? How many other things you fucking jungle? Yeah? I guess so crazy people you got no you got nothing wrong All you do mushrooms in the trees talk to you now we're talking Because that's the simplest one imagine the first guys like can I eat that yeah you can you know right it You know people try it. They don't die so they know which ones they can eat, but imagine some of them You're fucking starving. He's gonna speak to you bro. You're Starving yeah starving you're literally your family might die and you stumble upon a pound of mushrooms And you scoop them up you bring them back to your family, and you're all eating these mushrooms. Just blown out of your fucking mind Blown out of your mind empty mushroom and empty stomach pounds of mushrooms So say there's like an open field and they just rain you get up in the morning dude everybody's doing toad now I keep hearing about it That's what they Mike Dyson calls it the toad It's like really looks like the kind of guy that would get you DMT It totally does look at that guy's like the Unnecessarily necklace well wake it waking up. I mean you would have been that would have been like a religious experience No one ever took mushrooms before that you talked to I saw God yeah No explanation of that's what Terrence McKenna thinks created people He thinks it's called the stone dape theory he thinks that people started Experimenting with mushrooms and that was responsible for the doubling of the human brain size over a period of two million years Yeah, it's a fascinating theory that is his brother. Who's like a legitimate scientist is Center of the universe Beautiful beach at all holy shit like this dude fucking with his trip banging gongs and shit Wow Standing over you while you're tripping balls this guy He's in heaven yeah, probably literally yeah, that's probably what it is whoa They're having a good time smart readable RIP the buff and his match mouth I mean that guy's on the way out right very cool. He died. Yeah, you're permitting it. Hey smash mouth guys died He's an all-star. What's that you died? Now I didn't serve it on that dude. I went to mine. I got mocked get it Jamie Jamie. Oh, he's thirsty I did the guy from Smash mouth died. Yes Yikes They had a good run you're a great run dude those great song. It's very tiny run Can't you talking about that songs incredible one song now? Don't do it. Oh mine as well be walking on this Yeah, that was good. They got some fucking bangers dude smash mouth rules Hippie bullshit you listen to two songs using the fucking yeah, what do you like go furthermore? I just listen to guar Smash mouth He's bringing it to Jamie son of a bitch. Can you play music on here or is that a place um okay? We kind of just do and then we see what happens. I can't get enough of you, baby That's not good. What's dude? Oh? You leave you're defending smash man. They weren't sure they weren't also ran shut up and also ran yeah Right sorry. Oh, it's very cold right. It's so cold. Oh my god. Yeah, so cold. It's hard to drink Piss on out lately dude. I've been clocking it. I'm worried about it. You got some work Ever since you challenged me dude you chins been rock Yeah, you're weak Hey, we should play it's very cold. Yeah I'll be in Oklahoma City tickets aren't moving come on out, and I'm in Europe Dot-com Portugal. Oh yeah going straight from here to Portugal. We're gonna be a nutty coach plane ride That's fine. That's how everybody lives. Oh, yeah. Well. What do you got? I'm our sheriff here Philadelphia, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Chicago, Kansas City, Iowa City, Indianapolis, Louisville St. Louis Louisville Tempe Tucson Boston Foxwoods and Albany and watch all our specials are you sure I come yeah today is Shane's Special yeah watch it on Netflix. Yeah, killer notch on Netflix for sure make it number one make it the most watch special of all Time that'd be really cool beautiful Spoiler alert beautiful dogs references one of the bits. It was Adam. He got me get really said you gotta call it that Cuz naming a special is fucking lame. It's hard. It's tough. I was just gonna say live in fucking, Virginia Yeah, that's cool. Yeah beautiful dogs Adam E. Get They go you get it. He gets the best good egg great guy. Okay. He's trying really hard nothing I love more than trying to get a drink. He's trying really hard not to get fuck. Oh you get to him to Hulk us tonight easy or McDonald's doesn't I the Holocaust yeah It's fun to wave coke in his face cuz he's like We all did mushrooms one time and Joshua tree we had to just went late night from the comedy store like let's just get out There and he was wearing his manager suit. So we're a wandering the desert. He's wearing a fucking suit I think H. Cliff me Edgar and him and then it's like he's just crossing a road and some car comes by He just sees the dude with a black suit with a black Shroom to the gills Everybody's dying fucking vaccine Cove is back and nobody care. I know three people who have it and they don't really give a shit I Confessed my coven, you know And that fucker just goes off it happens all the time Yeah, tell you this thing take a look at it to the right time if I knew how I would Be so easy to figure out. Hey, you want to try it fucking throw in the trash. Yeah I can figure that out for sure not if you're thinking about puns all day drink this It's an ice bath you can come on Whoo, I feel like we could do I feel like I can do things I love you. I love you. I love you for real I love you real to if I feel I think he's a man to bring but look bud light back I think you and Tim Dylan pair up I have some balls throw some real fucking money at a campaign Mulvaney's got balls We got a user to the funniest guys on planet earth One of them is straight sober and you just think a bud light the whole time talking shit. I mean that would be it If they had they fucking put out a series of really funny ass about people are it's been enough time Tim Silver But he's like they paid their dues when I'm done ripping ass all day Stuffing kids That's the thing we just we were just in I was in a college town like up for a month yeah, you see 21 22 year olds you're like That's a fucking kid. Yeah, and then you see the mirror while you're walking out of the fucking bar. You're like, holy shit I'm just an old man You are to them what I am to you That is the age difference yeah, and I'm the next step up above that yeah Yeah, but you look you've got that alien blood yeah, you're fucking alien octopus dude How cold is it mark don't don't halfway? This is for the troops troops in the halfway Your meal and finish it I got three fourth Russia's gonna win He's gonna win. This is for Ukraine. He measures that like he measures his dick Three-fourths From the taint all the way up Every next two inches what are you guys? That's funny. You're like biblical you like yeah, he was about 800 years old What kind of goofy calendar did they have in the years? No, can't get about it. They were just going dude. I didn't we just have I went there like a like a couple months ago Right are we in the wrong spot? Did we stay in the wrong spot like if you fucked up and you moved to Alaska you're like, what is this bullshit? Nightmare you thought that was normal. You know how during the summer you forget what it's like to be cold Yeah, you know what I mean uh-huh they must have been like they must have literally been like oh fuck It's never gonna be cold again. Yeah, no one one of the dopest vampire movies ever is yeah You gotta avoid them love that move Oh, that was Josh Hart in that Was one of the all-time greatest white Josh's Yeah, he's the best very few what happened to that she was in blacks. Where'd that guy go? He's still around he's around But he rules in this movie Oh Vampires land in Alaska right when there's gonna be no Sun for 30 days wait not vampire in a boat Oh, wait, I thought it was people in homes. No was that 30 days a night is the vampires that But it was one of vampires in Alaska. This is the train. No vampire. This is the trailer. It's all about vampires It's a comedy stupid ass Holy shit You probably thought it was just your relatives Cuz you Jewish Oh Viking, that's what I mean This movie fucking rules, yeah, I've never heard of it what year 2007 yeah Vampires too, they're freaky looking But yet what years it's set in it's okay Alaska sucks The time is coming yeah, I am Nando the relentless Oh Shack up with him. Oh and the cop outfit Ben Foster fucking rules. He rules in every day So good in every hell or high water. Hello high waters. He's so good nice And he's like the perfect vampire familiar. Yeah, you know So bad It was top five familiar Sam Raimi's you hear me a beer, please It's time for me to release my hellhound that dog Peterson so they like it cuz there's no Sun Lot of blood this is terrifying I'm not gay, but when I was a young man hard that was my guy Yeah, when I was a young man, I was like, that's the hottest guy possible. I go Paul Newman Young Paul Newman is pretty hot So yeah, but you were no now. Oh now no, but I'm saying when you were a young man like hard That was the man. He was a hard drop. Yes, when I was very young. It was JTT. He was on the He was cute Justin good. He quit the business Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he fucked everybody Got a hold of him Jason. Momos in the room. They all have to sit down. Oh a little too beefy for me I'm not into it. I don't like muscle guys. I like a good heart net. Yeah. Yeah, give me a good heart I like muscle guys muscle guys. I'm like dude take it easy Jason more the one in a in a See who's mine who's my who's your hot guy Paul Walker? But he's kind of girly One quarter of the way through a beer He looks like a flat-chested lady, bro That was 1947 47 what we're going over there running up on the beach to get gunned down Yeah, beginning of saving private just keep sending troops eventually we'll get to those trees Christ, man That was not imagine anything requiring any of that from a 20 year old kid today. We're all gonna well requiring that for me No, it's fine. We don't go for real. No You have to kill me here, I'll just leave no way well You boat seeing that Omaha Beach and just seeing everybody get mowed down you got to go towards it They got a sore side right that whole ship right there, and then the thing opens, and I'll just Water yeah guys were getting gunned down Brutal isn't a you boat a submarine Yeah, those things those fucking Landers or something different, but I thought they were you boats too Oh how many American soldiers Jmo died you but the battle with Normandy how many American soldiers thousands and thousands I mean yeah like 12,000 It's way less like two or three That's you so what are they called? Cuties That wasn't a boat so that was in World War two Yeah, how many people died on that's what the submarines looked like in World War yeah, probably way less probably like 1800 it was a row how does they get rid of their shit? What do you mean dumping mental? Did that little torpedo the show torpedo shit out yeah? 2400 what do you mean? Oh get rid of the close to 9-11 was Omaha America suffered 2400 cash out of 34,000 allied troops. That's just Too that's not even death sounds kind of nice. Oh casual Third so 34,000 of them made it 2,500. That's pretty good. Oh oh D day itself. Yeah, that was the landings and shit man troops were killed on D day itself including 2,500 Americans check out the Battle of Kursk see how many people died oh This was fucking the downer section the night Bong and beers talking curse Mark Normandy see how many tanks died Fine machines go back there way you check out Kursk pretty wild, huh? What? thousand so The wide army defenses held firm, but a great at a great cost of life All those specific numbers are still debated amongst historians It's estimated the battle of cursed curse curse curse caused around 800,000 Soviet policies and 200,000 German can I think they lost more tanks and we lost people At Normandy hey all right America. That's just like how many But the Russians you have we're like these are assets we can lose about this many of them wow there's a lot of Russians Thousand how many people were in the country at the time they saved us the Russians help on the war dude Yeah, 20 million people Wow we lost six hundred thousand. That's why kabib so tough If you ever see how big that place is on this sounds like you don't want Ukraine to win oh Shit hey, that's what it sounds like I would love for Ukraine to win Trust you less I love the Lynskey I want Ukraine to win, but I'll tell you what Joe if ifs and butts were candies and nuts. We'd all have a wonderful Christmas Oh My god, I don't know what that was, but I loved it. It's been going on pretty long though, huh? You didn't expect to go on this long what we got a lot of money you crazy Oh, it ain't going as long as we well. It might be over in three weeks. It's like an arrow from the beginning, bro It's like a Judd Apatow movie We lost Maui, I'll tell you that Brother make it Yeah, that's what it is there's no money in Maui Huh those fuckers that space lasers shot down my Airbnb This is very this is I know for real obviously it's horrific what happened, but uh Burning man all right keep going my friend growing up his name is Jared shout out Jared we We always wanted to go to the Maui invitational the college basketball tournament every year upset city and So this year I finally had enough money to be like yo, we're doing it, bro we're going to Maui and I got a sick ass house in Lahaina and They used a space laser and fucking ruined it Oh Uncle space laser oh You're deposit back. No, I'm fairly certain it was trying to do it. Do you deposit back tournament? Well, I really yeah, but I did get my deposit back. I was not gonna ask They just gave it I was not gonna ask the deposit back. Yeah, have you been to Maui? The best way together oh, that's right Black Rock Beach now Wow Hey wild conspiracy theories about really what cause everything if this is a fire This is clearly a fire with a hurricane off the coast with wind well It's also there's video of the power lines going down Fucking cunts I don't do any repairs. I have no idea what the resources are right I would imagine they're probably depleted after kovat like everybody else is especially of a place that relies Entirely on people to show up. You know like for tourism what percentage of that is of Maui's economy And I need a massive right no way start a fire was caught on camera. No way. Well, holy shit Today's show YouTube channel is of course it was a white possible cause of first fire Okay, so when took the power lines down and it shouldn't be that easy to take a power line down. Yeah I'll get with our now hurricane wind is hurricane. Yeah, but there's a hurricane there, but they're ready for that No, they're not they don't get hurricanes that much. Okay, they don't know It's very lush. What do they get? What's a big storm for them? Cuz they get crazy storm Pearl Harbor So hurricane is straight to fire. Damn Jesus Christ. They do get hit with the Pearl Harbor. Oh, yeah That's crazy Pearl Harbor was probably around those casualties, too Yeah, that was up 9-11 D-Day and Pearl Harbor all very very similar amount of guys Best fistfight ever saw was in that Maui fest and we went to who was fighting It was like a navy Hawaiian guy. No tough as shit. Those guys are scary as hell Yeah, and then like a a white guy who obviously had training Yeah, and they just went at it in a bar and it was crazy. It was like a movie dude's actually fighting is crazy Crazy a real fight is like dudes wrestling and be like yeah You're in Hawaii skills a real good chance a lot of the guys that you're gonna run into at a bar know how to fight Yeah, yeah And max Holloway to the greatest of all time, right? All-time great also one of the greatest fan base, but there's always fights in the stands of UFC when a Hawaiian fights really It's just standard. Yeah, it's like two to one. Well, they live it on an island Yeah, and they hate whitey the hey what but they're just out there like let's go Do she why do They hate the douchey whitey that comes in and fucks with their way of life guilt If you fucking move in and buy their land and build a fucking David Small amount of land imagine what it's like if you out of an island and people start just buying up Internet guy has a whole island What it's good comes just me Everybody can go there's a four seasons on it. Oh, yeah, right? We don't take 80% of it No, he owns the whole fucking island, but you could stay on his island Let no one on if you're a fucking man, what are you talking about? If it was a real man? He wouldn't let up for season there Get out get out get out tourism. They gotta have a four seasons Because they hate all the whitey coming in but they also bring in more whitey who spend money. So what do you do here? It's like slavery Well, it's a tough one cuz you know slavery is horrible, but You know slavery sucks, but we sure did get a lot of sugar and coffee and cotton I Was being I was joking cuz I was made the joke was that sugar and coffee is not worth the human Coffee's pretty good Begetting is of jokes. Wait, what? I would just like to explain this for any with a more critical eye Maui Wowie Hey the Irish were slaves and the Jews Bare mid barely. There's more slaves today than there ever was I've heard that legal. Yeah, and the Uyghurs And well, what's happening with those folks? No, I know Uyghurs Wow, we don't even know what's going on. You crazy. He did it too. We don't we don't really we don't know shit He's out there. How could you know? Yeah, we should be trying to know who's the one guy that had a Nazi tattoo? And he had a sleeve covered when he ever received an award to Zielinski. No, no, no, no, no He's the guy who played the piano with his dick. What? Yeah, I don't know this guy. No, Zielinski Oh, that was a linsky. Yeah, when he was a comic. Yeah, wait, really single ladies dance He was a lint Zielinski was a comic. I never played the piano with his dick. He was a pianist What was the other guy I was asking about? The other guy was asked about the swastika. Yeah, some guy see if you can find that so some guy Received some award in a cupboard. It was like I think I want to say like an actor gave it to him I forget who gave it to him. Was it the other receiving a little more news when he received his award? He had us a landslide repeat from 1943. What did they name before him? Stonk? I guess so. The award was something they gave him at the beginning of the invasion where everybody was on Ukraine side Hey Stuart Ukrainian Nazis were invited to Disney World by the Pentagon Oh Do D warrior games liberal comedian John Stewart even honored a former hardcore a Zav Militant for his personal example. Well, I mean there's a lot more they're not sharing the story, but this is the guy On his elbow and so he had it covered when he was receiving his award That's a dream catcher It's cute How do we know that's not photoshopped How do we know that's not photoshopped? There's no Mickey that would be a good way There you go, I would say the original photo, please. Oh, hey guys, that's a little convenient This guy's got teddy bears and also he's a Nazi one of those two are photoshopped in something's wrong. Interesting Isn't it funny? We sided with the Russians defeat the arm I was siding with the Nazis to defeat the Russians interesting. So when he receives his award, he's got his left arm covered No cast Yeah Thought it was a Nazi thing and it wasn't it might be he's just like really into designs. It looks bionic It is Arabic. Yeah I went to this Indian temple. Yeah, there's an Indian temple in Woodland Hills and it has Yeah backwards swastikas all over the place I don't buy that that makes a swastika if that guy's really a swastika guy. He's just fucking making a swastika What's that fucking high-tech design? He has? Covered over it. What do you think? Yeah, what is that? That's a misinterpretation of what the first thing is He's just worried about the interpretation of it Maybe because it's like just get a swastika What he got what he got was like electric that the A's of the dock a filler center Found on piping and valves during construction what the state opposite way was that why are you confused by that they bought piping from Yeah, yeah, they were making steel. That's why they're confused Did all the bad things interesting they're making so cool shit. Yeah Mercedes That's why it isn't German Volkswagen. Oh, it's not even German Apologist Apologist Made according to this. Oh my god. It's American and someone put a knot so there is that the symbol for good luck So it was yeah, it's a Hindu one. It's before that 1920s best this aroma All your stock and swastika I Fucking mortgage my house. I don't tell you buddy. It's like Corona during COVID It's over it's like what Meryl Streep is like Harvey's the greatest Guys you can't make you killing the Jews. It's good luck. It's so funny Just be like you're never gonna believe this the worst fucking thing that's ever happened to people That's symbol you like and then visited as your symbol and you put it on the worst guy ever And then like ten years later Like people are doing construction on houses and they know that you put these pipes and the swastikas on it like hey Mike What the fuck is this? Like no, no, no back then the swastika was good luck guys It was good luck people got beat up during 9-11 How the fuck would you know if it was a symbol for good luck, what are you gonna get a book? How were you where am I gonna get a book where I'm gonna get a book in 1947 on what the fucking Original meaning of the swastika of mine come how much? How much digging do I have to do to find out the truth no Google 1947 you're fucked Yeah, that symbol had thousands of years was Germans have like eight. It's amazing. Yeah, it's a good graphic design Used to be a fucking thing that some shota con karate guys would have on their geez pull it up Jmo cuz it was like a shota con symbol shota con I don't know what it's like. I think it existed in like many different cultures. I think It's the sickest fucking symbol. It's a great design. It's on every motorcycle in Indonesia. It's Everywhere really it's so weird. You're just like what is the backwards? But you don't know which way it's facing in your mind when you picture swastika You're right. No that would be a little alarming for you. Yeah, oh there you go look how many So so Germans is right to left we're back here Left at the angle Left to right no wait right You know what's really bizarre yeah you 100% see those kind of things when you're tripping you don't see them like that You don't see that you see like Infinite versions of that with like squares and boxes and tubes and shit But you see that kind those kind of like swirling moving geometric patterns It's funny. They don't have German on there like I wonder if the origin of that people tripping I wanted to that was like someone eating mushrooms and seeing these wild crazy patterns and saying oh, that's good luck Oh wait, could you go back to the Hindu one? Oh that guy's hilarious That's crazy the the one that said Hindu Star David swastika cuz like I've never seen a swastika Wow. It's facing the right way I've never seen a swastika what I'm tripping, but I've seen that geometric patterns like that Yeah, that would be like a I would certainly see how someone who had tripped before would think of that as a representation Of what you see when you're and why did those ones never go the other way? Don't click it Jamie because you know what it seems like it's it seems like it's got motion to it You know I'm saying and that's like what you When you experience like when you're tripping and you experience like whatever the fuck you're seeing the good luck version. They're not static Right right right they move they're constantly moving and rotating and that looks like if I was gonna have it like a two-dimensional Drawing yeah, it's something you could see where you're tripping balls. That's what it looks like You gotta get one of the worst it was a good look for thousands of years. Yeah And then Nazis just took it over everything that was the second It's the crazy thing is like how good they were at engineering how good their fucking cars Oh, they're very efficient. How good their engines were they suck dude fuck Germany I'll be in Berlin one way dude Did some wild shit they got rowdy. I mean yeah What is that oh my god? It's a swastika building. Oh shit no But that's the correct way Still got a Jewish landlord Oh my god Maybe we used to live in the Lower East Side me and my ex-girlfriend and the Jews would they own the building like I'm talking Hasidic yeah, and he would come in to like fix something They have like a tool belt so weird to see like a rabbi with a beard like that a yarmulke the tassels and a tool belt And he would fix your plumbing, but he couldn't look at the girl Nice That's the type of tool guy you want you don't want some fucking jack-tock guy coming in oh Pussy where you're like I don't know how to fix a shelf yeah Jack guy comes in and fixes it he's like that took five seconds, and then but the pipes got us wants to go on it This is my business It's all fun and games for you, but I own a swastika. It's good luck guys. That's all it is This is a fan Good luck for thousands and thousands and thousands It faces slightly differently really think that the Nazis are gonna read forever. I'm telling you guys. I am very big on the swastika That'd be like if the horseshoe all of a sudden became the symbol for killing You know Game they play now yeah There you go things like that do happen mean rainbows used to mean leprechauns. Yeah. Oh yeah Pots of gold means sucking another guy's ass Let me come in your butt and suck it out of your butt and that means rain I think about sucking the guys fucking dick Come or someone else's coming your butt that I could suck out I think pride well there were pride used to mean something else. I was like we have pride I think I'm the best at sucking out of The Bible say you shouldn't have pride yeah, yeah, so there you go what have it Top seven yeah, no Everybody got confused and thought that you shouldn't be gay Don't be so proud of your best impacts and shit Don't be so proud of your great life. That fucking that Norm Macdonald joke about that is so good What's up ride the pride about I love that McCluskey old dog. He's like some guy working in a factory He's like here's my son. He graduated. He's the first of the McCluskey's to graduate from college. He's one He's like yeah here. He's sucking guys dick. That's what I'm most proud about Oh When he was on Dennis Miller Old men and old ladies like with these signs that said we are proud of our gay son That's an odd thing to be proud of you know because it's not an achievement You know it's not like something you work all your life to be gay or anything I that's a great point My real good point. Oh my god. We're proud of him Johnny. He Graduated from Harvard you know now he's articling over to love him and oh yeah, he loves cock That's hilarious that's a great bit yeah You ever see him do the one about the more black bill it means more crime Yeah, he's like well the radio show people commit crime ladies like no they don't like wait what and then like I'll show that one they call in there. We know we are poor yeah Yeah, it's great cuz the lady keeps calling me goes and he goes wait Are you saying black people are richer than white people right? No, I'm like well then what? Was this on it was like a morning radio show when you had to do that like to sell out a club? Intentionally like combative points that are correct. He's like the original Ben Shapiro. That's when he had the the teachers On Riled up watch this no he was being funny. Yeah, he also said teachers aren't heroes. He's like that heroes This is the tallest guy in the room Wait teach me a lot of color The Louie joke about teachers is so good. What is it? Just like you are a fuck You go to a building and they're like you gotta teach all these kids math. He's like oh, do they want to learn about math? It's like you know Say wait well which kids is it just like whoever's closest to the building Yeah, I think it was 2017 If you see the beginning I'm hugging yes Joe Lister Teach them that that's what is that the teachers amazed ours the American Revolution in DC I'm not talking about this country to me. Is that there's there's no more noble profession than to be a public school teacher It's easily please. Oh here it comes Don't recommend clapping at anything In a democracy There's no more noble contribution you can make than to teach in a public school and in this country the people that do that they're fucking Oh Going so dark with it. This is 2017 pre-cancel obviously and me and Joe Lister drawn out to do an open mic and Louie would go with us Yeah, just do it open mic at like a bar in DC. Oh He's a psycho I Know where it was big hunt big Big how was good and people went ape shit when he walked in obviously yeah, oh, yeah That's amazing, but then you got to eat with Louie and you watch him eat and you're like oh man. He were like my hero You came with him we got like sweet tickets or something and it was just all you can eat Hey, man, you're about to be grossed out by this Let's go The lobster bib He was like doing whatever baby just stops you there's crumbs on Yeah, yeah, there's smart guys those real brilliant guys are always they always have fucking crumbs on yeah I Wipe myself off after a meal the yeah the Venn diagram of people with crumbs on Dumbest people on earth. Are they got a wicked booger or something? Yeah I Know are always I'm sure I sign at skid marks and shit Some guy at fucking I signed dining halls like that guy fucking I bet my life Einstein had a horrible breath Imagine a man of scientists that look like James Franco no way it doesn't exist unbelievable slick There's zero one two in the belly. You're not gonna listen to anyway. No you want to do with fucked up hair He smokes cigarette butts he picked off the street, son Oh Fucker pink cigarette butts off the street smoke them. He looks like community college walk-on What's like brilliant guys always have a like Norm? O'Donnell couldn't drive right like we always have something missing so smart cuz I'm not using that brain power for other shit I heard normies to ask people to go play tennis if they had cars and on the way home from Tennessee like we should stop the supermarket I Got a fake race car He's one of the quickest one-liner guys ever Genius level comedic. Yeah Like him and Jimmy door a perfect combination you watch those videos they do together. Yeah On the side just chimes in It's great But you said that shows kind of fucked him up really because before that I never really considered how many of these things were real Conspiracies like that are real like how many different things? It's like it's kind of a freak out better. Yeah, cuz like if you're bliss free ignorant Just running around having a good time living your life same result kind of happens. It's the exact same Yeah for the market and shut down the CIA like There's a period everybody goes through we like oh shit I realize it's wrong and then you get over that we're like they don't ever change goodbye. I'm gonna have a good time Yeah, like Nate Bergazzi. He's over. He's in the third stage, but he thinks dinosaurs and people were hanging out He's got a bit about I know this is lame, but I don't believe that is over I Actually don't believe it Neil degrasse Tyson thinks gays a choice If you think that that's bad Teaching moment, thank you. I called Neil degrasse Tyson a big fucking gay guy What do they think dinosaurs are What do they think they are From God From God Way off the path big dog. Yeah, you guys hid that here. We hid that shit didn't bill Hicks have a bit about that What about dinosaurs like that? God was fucking with us wasn't it? I think there was a bit like that fact check dinosaurs are real Journalists that you wanted to fucking believe it's that's a good story you wrote bro I know people who have been on ranches when they found dinosaur bones This dude in Montana this dude in Montana they found Apparently was some hoaxing going on by people that were claiming to have found dinosaur bones But not the hoax is not that Because there's a bunch of shysters throughout his Helen Keller wasn't death for mute. Oh, wow. She's just playing dumb. She's just playing dumb. I guess Helen Keller's the lie. So is it Frank There's got to be someone out there's a and Frank Let's be Tick-tock thing troubling tick-tock Questions whether Keller was real. She lived a long life. She was real. She's hotter than most hookers. I fucked And smarter 54 Wow Helen Keller didn't hear Elvis She's a terrorist what Helen Keller is the Nazi guy. She's a terrorist Helen Keller was the blind and deaf person who was fake Comments here's a real thing about Helen Keller. She thought retarded people should be put down Yeah, wait, really, how do we even know that she thought yeah, yeah She thought retarded people were like an abomination we put down but imagine Someone like you Sends fake emails You guys are heaping all this praise on her let me tell you what she thinks about people with down syndrome Then you Guy Fucking he's going again. Oh now this one's funnier. Hey, we're back That one's funny. That one sound like you stepped on a frog I should have told stool That's pretty good. Hey, I got a good story for you Yeah, we got a story very funny. So I was at Notre Dame or Notre Dame Navy this last week in Dublin Yeah, hunchback. Yeah, I It worked you just got I from England from Ireland. Yeah, and Anyway, the first night were down there. We did a show Thursday. They were down there might I brought my father Which was very funny to see guy so this guy comes down fills down there We go to this bar with Brady Quindy. So one of the Notre Dame all-time legends. Jmo knows him I know him. Hey, buddy, please Dublin, Ohio boy. Yeah, let's go. Hell. Yeah, but fuck guy We're at this bar. We're drinking after the show this fucking Irish kid shows up He is Conor McGregor skin tight pants fucking button down No offense to him coked out of his mind You've never seen this high in your life We're sitting there drinking he swipes all the beers off the corner of the bar reaches over Brady Quinn shoulder and his to me He's like big fucking fine man, and I was like, oh, thanks, man And break when just gave one of these like fucking who the fuck's this guy? Okay, this guy's crazy. Yeah, and when he did that, he bumped him a little the guy immediately was like, you know, fuck He started fucking doing his whole UFC thing So he's spazzed we all have to break it up. We have to break up this fight for 20 fucking minutes My father is back there going If Phil would have died defending Brady Quinn in Dublin, oh, I'd be here Vikings death That's how my dad should go totally. I mean that's legend. Anyway, yeah break this fight up The guys are fan. He's like, yeah, let's do a fucking Jager bomb. That's how Let's take it easy. I'm okay. I was like, all right. I'll do you We get shitface. This guy's on a coke rant for like 15 minutes of just straight like But he's he's a clean so you can't damn pretty couldn't rule He's the man so he's a handsome dude. This guy's full UFC. He's genuinely an MMA Trains with McGregor. Yeah, oh really allegedly he was on cocaine. He might have been fabricating Sure, it's patty pimp, but you know how these guys go. He just shadow boxes the whole time You're talking to him. He's like, yeah fucking buddy shot buddy shot liver liver Guys like a nightmare You can't you can't move you can't like flinch to the body because then you'll literally get punched in the fuck Yeah, yeah, and then we're like, oh we're gonna kill and he's like, ah, you're a fucking Nate Diaz guy, aren't you? I was like no way that's what this is about. This guy's gonna beat my ass in Dublin for being a Nate Diaz guy, right? Anyway, the whole night the guy leaves everything's okay the next night get done with the shows Brady's in the green room. We're all hanging out. We're having a good time that fucking Irish guy Just walks straight into the green room. What what of the theater? Yeah, what great Quinn looks at me like what? What why would you invite this guy? I did not invite this fucking guy. He walks. He's like I was like this is the whole time. He's just he's still shadow boxing Still bothering everybody in a good way though this time at this point. It's fun. Yeah, he's bothering everybody We start walking we start going to a bar. He's like, I would go to this fucking bar I'm like dude all the bars in Dublin close at midnight. Yeah, he's like nah, this is Every bar we go to is closed New York rules he's like, you know, we don't have in Dublin fucking pronouns By us are gay interracial couples We finally get to a bar this guy by the whole time all he's been doing is trying to fight everybody No, we get to a bar. We start to give this bar and he kind of is like, let's go to that bar You're a fucking legend at that bar. Let's go to that one. Not this one I'm like, let's go that we're going to this one. So we go into the bar as soon as we start walking in a bouncer But just a bald fat bouncer walks out and is like you What this whole time he's been like, oh fucking knockout anybody Regular but he must have had a problem The second we get to this bar five bouncers This is how cool this fucking guy was he gets his ass beat He's bloody split open he gets out of all five of them runs down the alley and then turns and looks at all of them goes That was the best guy I've ever Fucking rule Irish crowd is like the dickheads. They yell out the whole time. They're having a good time though. They're fucking Funny people the whole country's funny. I bet beer on a fucking speaker and it fell off and they go All you have to do is hit a fucking up the raw anytime they're giving you an applause rate go up the raw What's that mean up the IRS? Oh? Political in another country up the Ron Dublin's fun up the raw he's a To Belfast anyway, I'm Danny you're the fucking man Belfast you know Northern Ireland for the UFC once and I wouldn't do it there cars that are covered in like steel plates No way for bomb is that the cocktail I don't know I don't know what they were doing like what kind of bombs are used now I know that they had armor plated cars Whoa See it was wild to see we saw more than one of them Just shows that anybody will fight anybody any difference. It's not racial or anything. It's just like oh, you're a Protestant. I'm British then oh That was British still you know at the island school him, please yeah, I was the British I thought the Irish hate of the Irish no no no Northern Ireland still not I don't oh really yeah still not yeah yikes Dublin is Belfast is still UK yeah, Dublin's Ireland remember the door guys joke about uh Ireland was a country worth only white Christian Catholics and white Christian Protestants Racism will find a way That's what I'm saying yeah now. It's a British. It's like the who toot and the tootsies yeah It's like we'll find a way to find things we're always gonna find something Republicans of Democrats It goes on and on non-binary and regular gays there you go Yeah We're fabulous with the number one like no can't be above us We're number one right and trans women and real women are fighting or or biological women Whoops It's a weird time kids. It's a weird All comics Yeah, that whole thing was they made fun of doing stand-up yeah, no it's like Why don't you try to do it just try to do it it's kind of cowardly yeah That whole thing of like delivering a joke dumb on purpose. Can you believe this thing? I'm Writing and saying yeah, how about you stand behind it? Yeah, we've quit it's too hard It's too hard and I have too much plastic in my system It's what small that's proven all comics have tiny dicks Everyone Dude how funny is it all the writers now and the actors are like oh, there's a strike Let me go back to stand-up, and it's like bitch. You've taken 15 years off Not this anymore It's 18 people on a Tuesday fucking enjoy yeah, we've been here the whole time yeah, this is what you have to do stupid Yeah, it's the greatest there's nothing even second best. Yeah, you mean you see that norm clip you're like Yeah, I want to be that guy well It's just the most fun thing to do when because everybody's having fun you're having fun. They're having fun We're all together doing shows and you imagine just being an actor and be like oh, I think this but I can't say Yeah, let me try to find a role that kind of aligns with my views yeah So whatever also Marvel I feel like a lot of my starting to crack a little yeah They're starting to crack like go bad and like crack yeah, the wrong environment. Well. That is just like Be like oh my god, this guy's crazy. Yeah, I know right the gold post keep moving What did Jennifer Lawrence just do a speech did you see that where she said like hey? We got to chill out is getting out of hand damn. She's so hot She's so hot and then basically makes her a Nazi. That's so hot Can we just chill out is like dad should be my Goes Hitler they were the one Who's playing song I'd like to see little Mel Gibson style Good time to pull it off. Yeah sure pull it off. Oh, yeah Who'd be gay? Fuck him Even bronze cannot not kind of good pick You want that that is a filter she's got a filter on She had filters way back here. Yeah, the one just to the right of that the one all the way in the right of it That's like that's the one above that Jamie the black That's a weirdo you already had it up. She's partially elf. That's when she knew she was gonna die her dad was That's like it's like president. Yeah, yeah, yeah That's pretty funny like the end of World War two years has got to be like president years times a hundred look how scared she is She's literally dating Hitler I just like Art and in the beginning the parents are probably proud Have his own sword very good it is weird that they have to have small talk at dinner like uh He will make good decisions for our country Did you feed the dog average dude Hitler's He's running trains I like you just take a strong stance. It's really important that you Take a strong look into Hitler you can find out how big of a fucking tool Vegetables any farted all the years a fucking dork, dude. He got what he had coming another wrong with farting and he's a painter Yeah, that's about as fucking lame as a good a lot of people like painting they do That's like the moment of reason really enjoys. Oh, yeah, Jim Carrey. Yeah, Johnny That's a pretty bad effort that's a not bad up at all. That's pretty fucking cool for the shit Right now he's just starting to use liquid cocaine intravenously. Oh, yeah starting to plot his future He was like some of these Jews are good tailors One nut He only had one yeah, no way boxing like Duncan same birthday No, Hillary or 20 one not one nut bro two nuts Imagine if Duncan is what Hitler would have been with the right parents and the right The real problem is determinism. It's like he's born at what time Way to burning man Only one test I mean a researcher claims, but that's what I would say too once he's dead Yeah, I had one not that piece of shit. Oh, so one not wonder if Duncan if Duncan went to World War one Maybe he'd be a little different Descend did right testicles said Perfect. It's evolution. It's ideally that both of them in there protect you from nut shots. It would protect you but you'd over It's about the sperm count The daily store Bring minec off back in the schools we need Sound bite You know one of the things they found out with monkeys is that the size of their testicles is directly Attributable to how many promiscuous females are in the area? No interesting it grows bigger. They got more more jizz Just around some dude that sucks. I got huge balls. That means my sisters I Hit himself believed to have two forms of what happened What is it penile condition two forms of genital? Abnormality and undescended testicle and a rare condition called penile Hypo this is crazy Dude adius which the urethra opens up and the underside of the penis oh yeah, he could come out of his ball sack Whoa What In his mouth wow what a weirdo was Dean weird dick Harvey weird dick I'm seeing a pattern here Your Colombo the worst thing though So Hitler Hitler was bad enough dude. We don't have to make up lies. Where's dick later. Yeah, let's keep making up lies. I like it Fucking midget I like that he killed that fucking mustache Killed a doll No Some aid officer out there so made up so there yeah, it's pretty funny fucking name But that mustache is a wrap yeah, that's a wrap for that stash. You're pretty close Had the best chance of keeping it going I know Charlie Chaplin Adolph was too strong yeah About Charlie because of the mustache 2010 article new churchy loose couple loses custody of Sun named Adolf Hitler Article by Barbara Goldberg Barbara of course Goldberg has a problem Jocelyn area nation Campbell These these people are why the thing Smart Also test positive for meth right now. Yeah, yeah, if they're not in jail You can grab them and fucking get a sample yeah 100% their met out their kids are brooms decorated with posters with no frames people oh Not wrong with unusual decorative features Jesus Christ children were strapped to their booster seats for unusually long periods of time amid ongoing domestic violence You stay in here for a minute me my dad got a B on each other for a little bit don't forget Hitler Problem was calling everybody you disagree with a Nazi yeah, cuz there's fucking real Just those are for real genuinely their larpers That's neither retarded there But they might follow the retarded No, it seems they pretty fucking committed to it the naming their kids after it You can't just assume without knowing them that they're not a sort of side of fucking I'll tell you what a smart Nazi Wouldn't name their kid. Hey, we're Nazis They're smart, but they might be either But they lost their kid the government was Instantly everybody in the community was like no yeah, you're obviously a bad parent. I think you're even trying that right The booster seats well they beat the fuck That's a bigger problem than the words yeah, and they didn't take the booster yeah Yeah, they've got mental disabilities How come everyone's a trans is mentally problematic, but like Nazis they're like no they made a decision Yeah, but who supports that who says Nazis made a decision only retards interesting point nobody says that interesting point Jewish man Nobody's pro Nazi those are obviously not a Nazi That's a mentally suffering Nazi or your anti-nazi no pro Nazi this not if you're a dude today with holding up a swastika like on the side of a highway Drive by and go that's get him in a home get him in the special Yeah, or some some people will pull over and beat the fuck out of you Yeah, like that's just the guy Tourette's who has the end that's also a dumb guy. Yeah, yeah It's a piece their ass probably something is also like I'm stupid. They could be like really like handicapped. Yeah That's what they are to do that. Yes, I'm gonna stolen valor people There's all just like homeless people like I don't know I found a great a green shirt Well, that's how they enter the Salem witch trials How because these two women just kept calling out everybody like their witches their witches and eventually they were their witches and the people Just kept walking women ruin everything even ruin the Salem which even the greatest moment of our history Ignore imagine how nice that be the fucking chair can be like not fucking killer. Yeah, I don't want that secret get now You know what the cause of that stuff was right what yeah the fucking grain ergot yeah, yeah, yeah Sony and there was an early frost and sometimes when they have an early frost they'll they'll have high concentrations of ergot Which is a psychedelic chemical? So these people were essentially eating tainted grain tainted beers Oh, there's stuff at ergot poisoning and ergot poisoning can kill you but it can also make you trip balls So like it's very similar apparently to like LSD Drinking beer and getting fucked up and taking some soup. Yeah wife flies out the window And you don't know what's going on you think witches are real. Yeah. All right. I love it Can we replace stained stone ape theory that we've heard for 20 years with this new for again? It's the same exact well, it's it's real similar because this is like you know when I was in Greece recently I told you about this right we went to a couple different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we went to Acropolis yeah and the side of the illucinian mysteries that was the wildest one That's where they were doing these psychedelics, and this is what Brian Murra rescues book the immortality keys about So we go to this place where they invented democracy invented everything and they did it Balls she's very funny to admit or invent democracy. Yeah, look maybe everybody in this room should decide what we Could system where everyone gets an equal say what if this five of us here one Fifth well, how does that exist without? Tripping balls like wait, but I own land like I know I know but yeah, I could kick you guys That's how it was done forever until these guys started tripping balls and no one who's not tripping balls is gonna come up with a system Like that and that's our number one problem with politicians. No one trips balls Trippers trippers, so nice people You should get every presidential candidate in here and trip fucking balls Doors Who do you like to get do mushrooms mushrooms with the most well Trump would be I don't want to watch anybody No, yeah, but I want to get my mushrooms like do a breakthrough dose giant dose with one president. Oh shit Who would it be Lincoln? Lincoln yeah, but alive like someone who like exists right now like you could actually make it happen I'd like to talk to bill about what he did Bill would be cool He might hit you with some knowledge I would do Obama cuz I think W you'd cry Yeah, both of you break down and go W would start thinking about the other He would he would see the bodies 100% if you trip, yeah, they would be marching to a pink Floyd song No education Mushrooms will will take you on if you've got some secret like that in the back of your head Mush like you you are just trying to paint fucking pictures of a dog and meanwhile your administration was responsible for How many unnecessary deaths how many shit? What's the number? Hunting that shit must be haunted with the Rangers And you go hey man, so when you had this like plan going in and then like what you did going out I like bug you at all and are you gay? But yeah, he'd be like yeah, man Yeah, I had to shut up a lot of shit. I think they say he was that good of a guy That's part of the president. He was in on it from day one brother. He's like I'll do whatever hey to gay man strikes Let's go. I think he's a very smart guy I think the only way to be successful as a president is you have to run that game the way everybody runs About who dies that overseas you try buck in the trend you get the Trump treatment, so That old Trump treatment. It's also crooked for sure that's part of the beauty of this all yeah Dude you Bob Dylan's thing about the same shit that's happening now. I blocked that It's like there's crooked and there's like legal crooked right Yeah, we're there like we can't there's in criminal crime We can't Crooked we're all like Congress fucking insider training. Yeah, it's legal crooked You can't charge them for because it's not illegal, but Jesus and then the ones controlling whether it's illegal No, so bring stock when they know that they're gonna pass decisions Don't get why anybody votes. It's a fucking crooked system. You're entering into they put why even bother lesser of two evils It's all people they're giving you they're both fucked I it's like just do you live the real like Trump system I don't want Trump to win just cuz I don't want to talk about Trump right next four years I'm playing he likes buying better cuz like I don't have to talk about it as much yeah I don't want to talk about politics. That's a good point. Yeah, brother. They put Martha Stewart in jail for what what did she? She knew about something and she goes I'm investing anyway what I said when After you're signed to Spotify deal on every podcast like yeah, he told me he was gonna sign it to like most of my money in it We're to call to invest you're crazy that's hilarious, but that's what's great about America Obama two terms he has a Spotify podcast cancelled Would have been insider trading if I bought Spotify stuff. Yes, of course really Pete Rose shit Cuz you have an idea why I would yeah for sure it seems cocky But you know one of the founders of the company dr. Sam, you'll What's all was arrested for advising friends and family members to sell the stock? Oh the other way before the FDA made the announcement the stock price dropped in price yeah, but wait hold on Why would it be weird for you or legal for you to say oh, I'm about to join in this company Yeah, let me buy a bunch. I believe myself. It's not a guarantee the stock will go exactly That's just insider knowledge right it could have gone down Yeah, you could have been like fuck that dude. I'm not using But but at the time there was no like guarantee that would go now and you know true Did and no one expects it to do bad. Yeah better than it did and the other platforms Yeah, people were like hey, that's a bad idea. I like this a bad idea Yeah, I'm being way better, but like it wasn't like a guaranteed thing So why would it be illegal for you to go? I'm gonna Invest a bunch of my money that's super slippery. I did oh yeah, I bet it, but I bet it's super slippery Yeah, well I made over seven point two million dollars investing in that Appreciate it I stay away from all that stuff I do when people ask me to invest in things I'm like uh-uh I don't have you don't even have to do anything like oh, but I do because then I'd have to think about it Yeah, just deal with it Just deal with anything other than the things I enjoy right so I don't want I don't Any sort of structure yeah, where you just constantly thinking about Crypto yeah a lot of during investigations of I'm clone authorities discovered that Martha Stewart had sold 4000 shares of him in clone in clone stock She owned the day before the FDA decision was announced avoiding a loss of around 45 grand Why don't you just charge your 45 grand? Why you got to put her in jail you fucking assholes and meanwhile how much money Did the fucking Congress make insider trading and you put poor old Martha Stewart away for 45 grand we don't Bro, we're talking inside her trade. We're talking crooked legal shit. We're done for she went to jail But now she's back and she would say a hundred and ninety five thousand as a penalty Wow Yeah, what a badass you took it like a man just went and did her five grand But really if it's only 45 grand you're really supposed to just take that hit on the stock market right there's some weird shit like that Yeah, 45 grand to Martha's that's a wealthy lady. I'm sure she doesn't give a fuck about the 40 No, no, she's fine. So maybe was it hurt had to be her call. Yeah Well, this is why somebody went into a hammer at a Pelosi's house truth No, no, no, no, that guy was just a crack. That dude's insane guy. Did you ever watch the video? I did It was wild. It's pretty scary. Very yeah ball peen hammer Yeah, I thought it was I thought it was a gay hooker at first So did I because Paul's gay but Paul that's the fucking 4chan influence Paul held his own pretty he was like now Everything's good. He kept his drink. That's where he fucked up Yeah, two hands on the hammer. I know when you sense resistance two hands in the hammer, but that's a real alcoholic He was no he was just trying to like hey, everything's good. Yeah, nobody's pass right everybody relax that guy's eyes Looked crazy That guy looked crazy You got to go two hands on the hammer If that guy hits you in the head with a hammer, he's got no shot there. He's old as shit Yeah, but that guy wasn't in any good shape It was a tactical mistake But he was not straight at two hands on the hammer if even if it's someone who's weaker than you like look at that big He's just struggle with a meaty love the cops jump in and separate it The cops were like, yeah, what what's the other hand on a drink cocktail? Imagine being lit out of your fucking mind and it just comes joining Netflix show. Yeah, we're laughing I'm gonna have a padrone tonight. What a nut and dude. He was snoring hard when he got hit. Oh, yeah Oh, he's gone forever seen you guys seeing people get knocked out and snore. It's a weird Scary scary it from a guy that old is really scary. That's an old man They got hit in the head with a fucking hammer. Oh, he's all right. He'll never be I mean, I haven't seen him since I don't Know I mean, maybe he's okay. I don't know mom get knocked out like that. What? What Jesus? I was like, oh shit. She's dead. What happened? He fell down the steps. Holy shit drinking Yeah Thanksgiving Times do you seen people fall and face plant on Instagram? She From the top of the steps fell there's a wall at the four steps and her head hit the wall. Oh my Thank you leader, no, no and now she was eating some Oreos and drinking some red wine That'll do it. So her mouth her mouth was purple color My sister were there and my sister looked at me was like you got to give her mouth to mouth and I was like You gotta give her mouth Just at one moment right like looked at her mouth and she was like a lot of Oreo crumbs like for real somebody else is doing That I was like my mother's life. I thought for real. I thought she was dying and I was still like no way I made a lot of money on O'Malley Oh, yeah, yeah, fuck that to do with my mom Weird making fun of her. No, it's funny. She's alright. Okay, that's cool now. She's good Me saying this on We had a fun night, yeah, oh you want to the funniest part So when you get there we called an ambulance Yeah, cuz we like hope shit mom's dead. I was the only one keeping my composure. My dad was upstairs He didn't see it. So my sister was like mom's dead It was kind of sad to hear my father like that horse, you know, I mean that like yeah huh, and He called an ambulance the ambulance came and she was she had already woken up by then and everyone was like surrounding her We're like you're right. She's like, yeah, I'm fine. My fucking hand hurts though She's like, I'm just really embarrassed you guys are here but my hand hurts Oh Really man, yeah, she's going for an Oreo Got that Oreo though. She did get that Oreo. Yeah, shut up Barb. Yep. Do you guys eat rose nama? You missus broken finger from her last fight. No Yeah, I did see that four different guys Guy and one another guy. Hey, this UFC is MMA debut Wow It's a freak accident freak accident is like destroyed really destroyed. Yeah, it just fell back. Yes. Oh, I can't watch It's it's horrible Still it was worse. Oh, he's like he's like exploded. Oh god. Damn. I can't come on Jamie show him the Louisville basketball players Blue there it is off blue apart. Hey, you know what? Nobody's everybody sleeps on now Joe Faisman the original of this Other way, that's right. That's right. That's right. The original one of these. Yeah, he's he this Is the first real leg break in the wrong place? Lawrence Taylor shot out he flicker action No, no, you gotta show the close-up. We ran a flea flicker. That's funny. That's Mars Taylor called in fucking an airlift Here we go Shout out Jamie free-squain That's Funny that wasn't you didn't pronounce his name like Thaisman. Yeah, they changed it. No name so he could win the highs. Yeah, he was Yeah, Joe. These oh my god. That's so sad. He didn't win the highs Come back from that and how long did it tell you's done for us does it? Come back at all. No, he was just like he walks now UFC fighter other than Anderson Silva's had multiple fights with like having that surgery and Been successful and Anderson wasn't really how was gone. How's one one fight? We don't know you don't know until he fights like Chris Weidman There was a lot of hope for Chris Weidman, but he looked like he was having troubles, you know, it's hard to say It's hard to say how much ever was brought to Mars. Who's a bad motherfucker? 85 thighs been suffered at the compound fraction of the tibia and the fibula in his right leg when he was sacked by life Career ending injury. So that's it. That was ouch. Yeah, what's he doing? It's a real hard one to break and come back from you Tyrell Spong broken in a kickboxing match against go kansaki It's another rough one. I feel sort of feel it every time you plan Like snap famous and he's come back and he's done some boxing But and I think he did one MMA fight, but I don't know how many kicks he threw. We got taken down a bunch There's also an NBA one. It's pretty wild Well, it's It's just I think that leg bone down there is just real vulnerable man Yeah, they put it back together again. I don't think it's ever quite the same. Here we go. Oh, no Make me fucking keep seeing Where right Dude, I can't do it. He came back. Oh nobody even hit him. Oh my god. He just Lay down for the rest of them crazy like how weird your your body so vulnerable No chance almost shit. He's probably done that a hundred thousand times. Yeah Wow My little one not the tibia but the fibula I got one. How so I got kicked I got kicked with a heel that like dug right into that thing And I had a hairline fracture of it. It lasted for a while and I fought a tournament with it I put soccer pads on it those hard soccer pads. Yeah, I put those over and taped it on Yikes, I was at the first Anderson one. It didn't make sense. That was it was horrible The Anderson when he wraps around like a wet sock. Yeah What it's crazy thing is Anderson did that like it happened to Anderson to Chris on Chris Weidman Yeah, and then Chris Weidman did it on your eye Hall like such a rare injury and for one guy to be involved in two Crazy in his whole career. It's kind of nuts. It's kind of like nuts the Lincoln Yeah, JFK The Lincoln was shot at Kennedy Theatre hold on For Ford and Ford fuck Lincoln who killed yep I thought if anybody was gonna have a real good shot at coming back It was gonna be wide men cuz it was like such an animal just such an animal You know anybody figures it out. It might be wide men. I wasn't the speed also Fucking good Put your headphones on. Oh, yeah, you're gonna headphones for that Yeah, then assistant named Kennedy and assistant named Lincoln. There's all types of but he was in a Lincoln when he got shot hold on Not all accurate some of its bullshit Of course it is damn it both Before the internet, but the CIA didn't kill Lincoln Because he wouldn't go to Vietnam. No, hey, what's the greatest bullshit story? What's the greatest bullshit story before the internet? Oh, probably the no Gerber in the air also one's amazing. What's his name Rod Stewart with the pint of cum Bon Jovi No, that one wasn't all the same person. I'd like that one, but I Yeah, look at that. There's too much come everyone knew Richard Gair in the gerbil. He must hate that he must get that all day long I'm so glad people still talking about me famous famous What's the primary source of that because I had heard that like Here used to be used to be a Scientologist. Yeah, and when he went out those will expose you Theory that but was that real was that like in in Scientology? You got to reveal all your dark Okay, we know that but was Richard Gere's Scientology. Yeah, but They did the Buddhist movie and and they became a Buddhist and right after that it came out. Whoa, so that's what they say Oh He actually showed the gerbil. Yes. Yes. What are he's taking this to a new? Let me tell you everything I've done Smear him no Real shit. Oh, it'd be like if you were like I actually dig at the vaccine can you imagine that? Take the vaccine get boosters get boosters get boosters. Yeah Shout out to the CIA dude, they're giving me $50,000 It's literally like holding a loaded gun to someone's head it really is Free shake-check from the Blasio if you get a booster Well, yeah, that was the first viral before viral yeah Maryland Manchin's ribs, so was he definitely a Scientologist Jamie Richard Gere? What do they got on fucking Tom Cruise then? He's a scientist Yeah The will shut down he could shut down he's probably the number one reason why new people walk through the door that's true Fucking guy for Mission Impossible. Yeah, it looks great where braces when I'm 50 Love Tom Cruise, I just don't have it. I don't have the love for my You with the vampire no, I understand there's greatness before Tropic Thunder He's amazing first try accommodated nailed it nailed it the dance everything he's fucking great I'm not great. I'm not saying he's not great risky business. I think if he was a Catholic you'd fucking love him I mean obviously gears all What they need be doing they lose so what does it say Richard Gere's one of the most outspoken religious celebrities and religious choices Buddhism? Gear was raised in a Methodist home and studied philosophy in his short-lived college stint But it seems religions always interested in but it became in rapture of Buddhism I'm tripping in the pond the late 70s. Okay, so he was never in science. No, no, you got to look up Scientology Richard Gere Yeah sucks you get so Our first list comes up that says there's people that quit and then he wasn't on the list, okay This says he never officially converted. Okay, so He was fucking Cindy Crawford, too He also fucked a gerbil Gerbil and I made that guy rules, but if he like dabbled in Scientology and then left that might have been enough They had their head of shoes. They already had day one They got you as soon as you do the fucking clearance test because a lot of people Did you talk to Seinfeld about it no what about what he dabbled in Scientology no way yeah, he tried it You know what it is. It's like I I was watching an infomercial in 1994 and they had that Dianetics book Yeah, I didn't even know that was Scientology How to fucking improve your life gateway so I order it and bro they never stop sending me shit They were sending me shit Play pool your Tom Cruise Yeah, they just had you they're like well if you Just kept sending me shit man every time I'd get the mail would be like more shit from Scientology more invitation This is the same. I am with you dumb fucking Ivermectin recommendation So long thinks that Richard gear still mad at him for starting that whole gerbil in that well, you know story Denied it though, but that's what that's awesome bars like some It's as gear believes this live started the ridiculous urban legend about gear and the gerbil. Here's the deal Gear and Stallone were on the set of the 1974 Lord is the Lords of the Flatbush and the two actors got into a tiff over lunch one day something about chicken grease Slice and a hot dog whereupon Stallone Embowled him elbow. Oh elbow him and the side of that Impalable far different Elbow him on the side of the head the tension between the two actors became so fevered that gear got kicked off the film Which still angers him today apparently to this day? He seriously dislikes me says sly who adds for the record that he did not start the rodent rumor Hey, you know he shoved a fucking dribble up his boss There's rep had no comment for sure 100% he started that rumor That rumor made it to me in Boston and made to Eddie Bravo in LA Only sly could have done this has to be God how do we all get it? It was true. It had to be true That's kind of that theory if they start to remember you're the you're gay it wouldn't catch on same thing to you wouldn't You know, yeah, but if it's always like oh it caught on. That's a gay guy That's why it catches on it's just like oh this guy did this like it doesn't catch on this guy Oh, then that one is fixed. I gotta be honest with you guys me and Jimmy kiss at the mothership I've made out with him at mid season. I grabbed him by the back of his fucking hair and we kissed The richer dear car on cuz you're being nasty. I don't think I don't cuz it's true I think caught on cuz sly made it up sighs I made bro. Imagine is better than rocky how you would feel Knowin that the body your enemy really did fly by in the water Mm-hmm. Well, I really did get him. I got him with that one. I Wonder what they are. Who did he tell how did he get it out? Started it. Yeah, was it a fucking foreign policy conversation for real though if that Argument was just them in a fight and then sly went around telling everybody that he shoved the gerbil of his ass Yeah, that's genius. Yeah, that's like actually that's so smart that I don't think Sylvester's what I'm out of nowhere Look, he's not even like he broke Rob. She's smart But he did gay porn before that He did porn not get no offense rocky. No, he did like soft core. It was like soft core National Enquirer gossip colonists said he never worked harder in his life trying to confirm that story Nothing more than an urban legend referring to not only the rigid gear story, but gerbiling as a whole Oh my god, okay, Junior's a falconist really? Yeah, is it really pull it up? Jmo? I don't love that Falconing oh wait. Well the bird is cool as gerbil. There's a lawyer next There's a lawyer that insists it's real. Oh, of course. It's real well It's colloquially called gerbiling the actual name for it from a medical mental health point of view is Forma cophilia which involves not just gerbils but other kinds of small critters as well This is a form of bestiality which essentially deals with things crawled on you or in you video of a snake being pulled out of someone's body Wouldn't you want a snake inside Get out you're like, you know Like no dick moves that many ways Tape that little mouth up. So start eat your insides out just fucking solid secure it It's called snake Gerbling Boots in a fucking cage full of snakes Life-side supply of duct tape The little faces up shut your fucking mouth I'm gonna be like a 90 year old grizzled old lady with a fucking house full of snakes trailer. Okay. Why jelly black mamba Jeez, you'd be a trailer fucking snakes If you're a lady what animal would you fuck you could fuck any animal? Oh, man, no question. Shetland pony. Oh Good one. They kicked though. You gotta watch out Jamie toss up Fuck a mermaid Fucking lady Looks like Nikki Hold its hand walk at all Please give it to me What did we do to a fucking We're so gross we took a wolf into a chihuahua horse You know horses were small these to be really small donkey like how small medieval time they were like closer to ponies All day, whoa, she's got giant balls. Yeah, I've seen mountain goats with giant balls Steve Well pointed out to me they're like church bells really giant balls by the way, I was just fucking around about fucking those horses You know, what's crazy about horses? I fuck a brown bear all horses came from North America But then they all got wiped out, but they had already taken them to other countries So all the horses like yeah, they all started out in America Or went back to other country to and then they got reintroduced by the Europeans that's not true it is true Well repeated yes horses evolved in the US species of horse evolved in North Shit that's wrong. He's talking these incorrect. No, they were X they died In North America, but they'd already Straight Eurasia boats Other country something about 1490 so horses in a lot of places where they were using horses horses didn't come from there They literally came from North America and they came originally after tens of thousands of years. We're talking about So what is a horse? So from after no stupid asshole not after Columbus game No, well before can doubt ten tens of thousands of years, but then they came back Here's our Columbus back post. Okay, the earliest recognized ancestors of the horses here Eo Pippa go sock and fucking what whatever that word is Angus T. Dens Known as the Dawn Horse a small North American animal about the size of a fox which lives in forests and ate fruits shoots and leaves around 55 million years Over the following tens of millions of years horse ancestors grew in size as grasslands expanded around 20 million years ago So they think that they a lot of them died off You know like I think around the same time is like what was the year that they died off in them in North America around 10,000 years ago. They think it was a part of the whole younger driest impact and they were all the the the idea that Most of North America's wildlife like 65% of the guy wiped out around 11,000 years ago I love saber-toothed Tigers all these and woolly mammoths everything got wiped out. Well first guy we got hit by comments And they think that that's a myth 11,000 years ago. Yeah 11,800. That's what they think. It's called the younger driest impact That's the Graham Hancock Randall Carlson shit the end Just on the west on the western hemisphere. No, it was all over the world Survived other places. Yeah, they survived in some places. It depends on how bad they got hit, you know any words We killed the buffalo they think it fucking Is it Buffalo's are still real They're just on the field That's what bison is dude when you buy bison, oh Yes, what's the difference in a bison above no difference same word Male female no, no, it's the same animal. You should know I think they're different bison and buffalo the exact same Gotta be different. No, it's definitely the same exact thing cuz I mean Bison me. Yeah, you've eaten buffalo wing. That's no no Fuck dude you went that far for that joke He's looking for a lifeline the whole way fuck I had one Yeah, they had fucking North American cheetahs there was North American lions there was lions living in North America I believe it according to who dude according to I don't trust Anybody that's like hey anybody that's like hey 55 million years ago. I got dude shut the fuck up Safari and those elephants were that we saw lions we saw cheetah We saw leopards the elephants were the scariest why they come right at the car smart They're smart as shit and they hate you they could just end you oh, yeah at any time You can see them just pushing up against a tree. They're coming up. Yeah, they craze in do And what's the rhinos were no joke either I was an Ellen elephant absolutely butt-fucking rhino really not in real life But on the internet, but like literal butt fuck no you just murdered it. Oh Oh really they set those fights up. I bet they do no nature's metal. It's always just showing you I'm not saying all of them, but I know they definitely did you some fights up they do you really yeah They still like put like a bear and a tiger together. Yeah Like let them bolt out and then film it's basically Roman flick bump yeah That there was like some place that was taken like they took like a bear and a tiger and they released them together to watch That's Russia China something Hi the way the way it rules supposedly that's the whole deal with all that like fucking Rhino T is like super elite people like to be able to drink shit. That's like completely forbidden I didn't really believe it gives you yeah. Yeah, it's like no. You know what's was the habits. Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, I've seen time. I got rhino T son so this tiger is out How's a tiger in a black bear way we should place forests safari lodge it says let me see is that a nice sloth Don't tiger face off of the sloth bear. Oh, it's not bad. This is India. This is this is totally reasonable I'm going bear. This is crazy. So wait is animals together in a cave. Oh, I've seen this sloth bear holds his own dude Oh shit, that's a mom defending her cub Fights it off you can't fuck with the cub defending soft bears are nasty. Yeah, they jack people who's that behind it? I've got a video of a sloth bear killing a guy Yeah, no, it's the way you watch that Match if that was it's like this look like shit, too. They're like hairs all fucked up They're like long and like killed by an ugly meat Tears a guy apart like would you feel better if you killed by a beautiful grizzling? It's beautiful beautiful. I mean it really is fucking yeah, just go quick grizzly man No, they eat your ass first to start eating you do no hold you down like it should by the way. You're out no Well, if he was holding me down tearing me apart I would be upset about it That's the best part but would that be a great way to sell tickets just bear verse lion Garden they literally did the Coliseum I would go to that we're getting close kids Yeah, we are I say that when I was hosting fear factor with it, but we're about four years away from the running man Oh, yeah, it's coming. That's coming something like that's coming. I think I've we might have talked about before but how sick is it? They used to oh Jesus Christ don't go over that they used to fill fill the Coliseum look out He's got thrown again fill the Coliseum with water. Yeah have crocodile You could fill with water, and then they would have boat fights well fill the water with crocodile How do you have to be to catch a crocodile back then? Fight you can't kill it you can't tranquilize it either and tiny back then they're all eaten five one yeah How do you keep water in that place Yeah, they developed a way to do it It's like engineers have actually studied it and the floor lowers and raises so that animals can come to the floor Yeah, yeah There's like the really sophisticated system that they had where they had animals and cages For the games and they would lift them up through the floor and everybody would cheer The really baller people would be in the fucking front row and they would get jacked by the Tigers No way, so they had to raise the wall because people were getting jacked who is like it was like ten feet up UFC get match and then a guy jumps out starts whooping your ass And trying to keep force on you just hops out knocks you With the kids were throwing pine cones of the tiger and the tiger jumped over a 14 foot fence yeah You know they gave a reason they gave me a reason like a Mexican these kids were throwing pine cones at this fucking tiger and The tiger they had a 14 foot high fence I like yeah good enough and this motherfucker jumped over the 14 foot high You imagine video. I'm pretty sure good for that That's on video marks ask me to pull it up. Oh, no. I don't think Yeah, I think that was just a random day at the zoo or some dude They got murked damn pine cone that's a scam I mean obviously Holy shit when you know you provoked that fucking thing it was in there for years Yeah, scary that thing looked while it was flying in the air in green Knowing you're the cause You know he's gonna make it he's gonna get down on the downslope Two pounces yeah Talking monkeys in space victims taunted tiger for a killed zoo 17 year old two kids whoa Brother was 23 and tiger and was 17 they died in the tragedy Tatiana got killed by a girl That's how you're like get whatever man. I did wow the three of them got killed is that what it's saying some other person holy shit It's crazy cuz it couldn't jump over that wall David a tan by the San Francisco Chronicle the trio stood on top of three foot railing But had not thrown anything into the pen to provoke the cat they were drunk the men had also been smoking marijuana It was a pot related Toxicalogy tests so showed the wall had been twice the legal alcohol limit for driving and they got high and drunk and fucked with a tiger They taunted agitated by its eventual victims police believe this factor contributed to the tiger escaping for the midst and closure Attacking the victims god damn it Yeah Young matches that your kid just some young dumb kid with his friends fucking off I wonder if it's the one 23 year old loser, and he's probably starting it all It's probably that Irish guy had marijuana systems It's probably isn't the best joke, but he's had a couple shots of kids name was cool beard Daho never Life apart. We'd probably cut that part. It's just funny His name his parents were probably like watch out Tigers will get you you ever see how far those motherfuckers can jump. There's a video this guy American elephant. There's no way That way come on. You ever see the guy on the elephant that gets Jack. Oh, yeah, that's the best Is a whole pan is a fucking jack. Yeah, it's holding good just torn apart She's ready like razor blades. They had razor blades for claws and they weighed you know 600 pounds fly into the air Oh You watch you go up to the elephant though. No it doesn't know it's looking for the person What a dive I love to see the elephants in the background like oh, oh Still filming cuz the cats know they're trying to kill him tall grass Dude there's a place called the sunder bands where over the last 200 years What a shot Mom when she fell in the stairs, oh Jesus my head's all right, but I'll tell you God Dude Tiger those things yeah, they were tiger hunting they fucking try to kill that guy. Yeah, they're trying to hunt those things down They do it all the time down on safari. They're I know they find the ones that kill people some of them They develop a taste for people. Oh Everyone's like America sucks go there. Yeah, you heard that old tale about the Guy who would help an old man, you know, they would go over Feed him hang out with him a little bit, you know, and then one day you knocked on the old man's door. No answer, huh? I'll leave comes back the next day knock no answer next day knock and eventually he's like this is weird So he tries to open the door if the door won't open and he's like What the hell so he gets his shoulder in there and he's doing a running start. Finally the door pushes open The old man was blocking the door dead dogs ate him Now they put the dogs down Dogs eat him. What's a dog? It's a tasty human flesh. It's over No, no, no, no, no doesn't attack no, no, they're the most deadly animals. Oh, yeah, I'm terrified Yes Yeah, this guy's insane It's only weapon as a walking donkey this guy is insane. He's reaching for it. Look at the mouth on that thing Crush a moped you wanna know something wild about you wanna know something wild about the mouth guess what their closest related to in the main mouse No, damn it. What the whale? Wolves I was watching a there's a hippo documentary on Amazon I was watching. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they spray shit at each other. They're fucking terrible. They're gonna suck. They're so scary I thought I thought they were fun and funny. They're not hungers. Oh, they'll raise down we do that with every animal is terrifying Yeah, but they like all they fight each other. They scare shit at each other But they're hungry hippos. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah polar bears the coca-cola whenever they're fighting Hilarious that's an original spit in somebody's face fertilizer. It's probably nature's figure I don't wanna get them to spray their no, but they do it like face to face in water. There's really they're morals Spraying it with a tail polar bears are at least cool. They're cool. They used to be brown Look at that thing Yeah, me tomorrow on the flight home You come back you get to live as every organism on earth hippo be nice that'd be a fun run though And the pond all day yeah, even the crocodiles get the fuck out of the Yeah, they'll jack a crocodile. Oh fuck them up Safari things where they go down the river into the hippos In the water chasing the boat They have no there's so fast there's no mercy believe how fast yeah And it doesn't make sense coming out like it's got a motor in its asshole. Yeah, it's using that fucking tail Rudder bro. They're moving so fast. Yeah, you ever see it. How do you ever see it? Let me see it smooth It's their hair. It's bizarre how fast how do they have fast all the guys a butt? But there's some fucking guys To Thanks, Liz. Oh head go buffet If you had a runaway from that that's a problem, that's like a person running really It's like Star Jones by the way, it's not even getting tired mouth isn't even open Show the hippo chasing the boat. That's the one Cute he's so big. Oh my gosh. They start moving that's terrifying. They're just filming it Come in after a man. Look at it. Shoot that motherfucker. Yeah, shoot it shoot it dead. Yeah kill that filming Monster look at that. I thought it was worth us this fight Wow What is this in Tampa Where is he where is he? There is Wow Holy shit, they're quick You gotta pick up the motor No, there's actually it does not look that fast enough. It might be like Chad it might be like that one The other there's some other ones where they're actually chasing a boat I think they take boats out every now and then to definitely and then chomp chomp chomp They can move I mean they're running for sure. Don't are they in the water? They're like big pigs. Oh, no whales The other ones like you got it. You got it, right? Cool. Wow Africa freak That's my screen name This is one angry. Oh, I hate these narrated videos. Whoa, they can die. They do a butterfly stroke. That's like a dolphin I guess so do they have a blowhole? No, they're just nostrils Why I've never felt more letdown dude, how do you not find hippo chasing boat? Wow. Oh, he got that Another Eagle Jamo, I think you found it. There it is. No, there's another one. Oh, I like this one They got cute ears. I might be the one bro I think they chase after we talk in like Chad the one that was jumping up and down was the one that freaked me out Oh, yeah, I didn't know they could do that cuz that's like dolphin type Exactly, they can pick up probably a lot of speed doing that. Oh, yeah. Yeah Yikes, you ever see swamp tours or a swamp people? Look at that fucking Jesus look at that fucking thing Wow Is that it no Jamie you did great don't oh, yes, dude play the fucking coastal Carolina coach Like a man What is that we might have done on here before it's my favorite this guy he's like we got too many cats on the team We need more dogs. Mmm. Yeah guys looking in the mirror like oh, I look pretty odd pretty we need more dogs Well, yes, we'll cross the road our doors open screens broke We need to get a new screen door, but screens broke so you come in through the screen But you can't get back out of I turn and look there's a little kitty cat in our in our kitchen So I said, what are you doing in here? Look at cat by that time? Cat turns tries to get back out that scream won't go that way Crazy We need more dogs bows bargain in a bag I have to go shut bow up kind of a Hitler What's going on? I said the cat house. I said yeah, there's a cat now So I told our players I try to let it out the front door on the verge of Hitler. Yeah, he's on coke for sure It's good to meet the old ones dead She has a clear pride We need more dogs we need more dogs There you go, it's not lion if he's a football coach we do not line People to get after it That's pretty hot Sanders had a good speech. He's a cat man. No, he's recruiting cats Deon bring it to the Hooten King. His son's a fucking quarterback that could throw oh shit He's all it was run what he's talking about his dogs dogs. You're seeing a Dwayne Wade. He's talking about no wristbands. No swag dogs Dwayne Wade son yeah But anyway, it's fun any who you keep it warming here 74 my hotel room was at 74 I temperature 75 is that real that's a nation 71 All right I It is hot as fuck. That sucks, dude It's already a week Great time here. Yeah, listen don't be a pussy getting the sauna the heat is nothing I'm not gonna get hotter people get mad about the heat. I'm like, it's just hot. It's just hot It's pretty dry. I shoot arrows out in the heat three hours a day sometimes Here you go. What's the pixies? And the Coliseum here. Yeah, empathetor you guys kids hottest day. I did kiss Beside the story. Yeah, we did get that's not the story we kiss we hard We hard we hard it was the hottest city on earth here for two days Yeah, they can we got a kiss we heard This was the hottest city on earth. Yeah, when two days in that when the pixies play it was there how long ago is this? June the this year. Yeah. No. Yep. No Death Valley gets way hotter city Don't point at him and look away like that Disrespectful and rude. It wasn't that it is hot Phoenix Oh the hottest in this in this in the country that in the world in the world in the world more than It was once well that day I know right Somalia. It was 112 something like that. It became below 100 at like 945 p.m This is when I go into my climate change is not real Yeah, I don't know I'm interested I'm interested in both sides turns out science can be wrong a little bit sometimes You know what someone scared me though they said that the real scary thing is global cooling what global warming scary But that's when everybody dies. What do you mean? Cool is they'll kill you I sage the real I say it's just way scary than everything getting hot way But is that what's happening now? Well, I'll keep freezing listen It's all dependent upon who you talk to because like at some point in Earth's history There were no polarized caps, but now there is and now there's you know Greenland no colors lenses, but we got them Things change, you know the shit shifts. Yeah That's the thing about the whole climate things it's like it's never steady it's never like the climate's always gonna be this it's like gender It's fluid. It's fluid It's like never in the history of the earth been steady It's always done this if you look at charts and graphs think the question is like how much are people influencing it? But the real problem is pretty clear Also, it's greener now that it's ever been before what do you mean? That's true warmer. What do you mean? It's warmer. There's more green. Oh, it's interesting more jungle It's like that's like a kind of like don't get involved you fuck Trees there's the thing I heard was there's more trees in Canada than there are stars in the galaxy It's incorrect because it's infinite in the galaxy No, not the universe. I don't know the difference as well. The difference is 200 billion All time. Well, Canada's even have the most Canada's Canada's 200 billion trees The whole existence what's that called? I'd say that again Jamie 318 billion trees 318 billion trees in Canada. Well, nobody lives up north Yeah, there's over six hundred Who I'm gonna go ahead and say nobody actually counted those What he said 650 billion in Russia man, it's Most most bears Russia Wow a lot of landmass out there 318 billion trees and worry about our Brazil We need to cover a few Tree They're all our Canada's forests account for 30% of the world's forests. Wow. Wow. I didn't know the Canucks had the trees The world's Huge dude There's more people in California than Canada Yeah Most of it's unlivable Unlivable. Yeah, it's freezing the Tundra. Don't be a pussy. They go up there dude. Go go on alone Go if you care so much good show you won't go Joe. You should go on alone. No, Russia I have no interest in being alone 650 billion trees in Russia 641 billion They get a lot That's your black panthers from good dance That's conga Oh 318 what's our islands Canada off off off Alaska what island off Alaska? What is the Amazon have Jamie what's in the Amazon? 300 million other clothes. They're coming up Russia is bigger. Russia has more trees in the Amazon Have you guys ever seen that documentary happy people life in the Taiga? Nope. Oh my god It's a fucking amazing Werner Herzog documentary about people live in Siberia. I will not show you the type of him getting killed Yeah, recording what it only other recording. Oh my god. This is horrible Destroy this destroy this no one shows see this the greatest unintentional comedy in the history of the world Unintentional comedy of all hey just how wild bears you'll be great. Oh seven in I've seen the mistake that guy was gay, right? So good Well, he was saying he wasn't so he's walking around with a camera going I'm not gay It would be so easy. Yeah, but I'm not gay like that's not something Not gay people. Yeah, fuck. There's a fox that sees steals his hat. Yeah, it's a very very funny moment He goes from like this is cute and then he gets really mad. Hey shadow. That's my hat Screaming a fox And he can't get it yes, that's a good Fox Well, it's funny that the Fox became like his friend like legitimately like a dog man cute It's his pirate's head he's like, that's my bitch shout out the pirate I See pirate see that Fox has no idea like what possession is like this is his now So he doesn't think that's his hat. He's like that's my hat motherfucker. I just found it like yeah So when this dude what's Paul? He asked her trying to take it back What You Know he's serious Go set it You gave it to a wild dog, dude, yeah Yeah Sparky and you think this is the worst part of your trip It's gonna get bad get ready brother Although maybe he wasn't gay didn't he have a babe with him when he got fucking much? Yeah, probably super confused. He was calling him babes. He was like, you know check this shit out Yeah, you had a lady with him. Well, and she got killed too She got killed she got out she got killed too She was apparently on video or you know, the lens cap was on it But it was running and she was apparently like hitting the bear with like a frying pan You know I stand like they're so big that's nothing these are enormous bears It's like a cartoon. I mean she and they killed apparently the video is the audio rather is really long I've heard many many minutes. There's a fake audio that's out there. But the real one is apparently pretty long Have you ever had a second? No, I haven't Love that guy. Yeah, this is what this is the ladies playing it for him. This is her ex his ex-girlfriend playing it for him Okay, it's it. He doesn't say That's his ex-girlfriend, so this is a different Not the one who got killed is this real Jamie, yeah, this is this is in the documentary So she's she's playing it for him and I don't even know if she'd ever listen to it I don't remember just a taste. No, they don't they're not gonna know Hearing it. Okay. Yeah, but it's uh You know, that's heavy so heavy movie, but it's also hilarious so funny. It's very funny It's just so crazy that this guy thought he could live with bears Just like hey, dude This lady's legacy is the the dude she date she dumped because he was gay She was like that's not who I'm my personality is The human ego Ego is not your amigo So many Ari how many of you have those all yours you ever won Come here slacking. I know go Come on, Jojo rabbit Dude we're done fucking around Fun dude, I know rogues on the scenes. Sorry about us. Sorry about CIA dude. That's not us Mostly cool Stop already terrorists Russia Ukraine cut it the fuck out dude. What's your guys problems? I know I'm not over here people Things are just starting to get good get Maui back Now he's gonna do it's gonna be back to American spirit. I'm gonna be back. Hell. Yeah What do you think they're gonna do with the all that situation with like people's land there Give it to Oprah Oh come in I Think that's the right move she had property by the space laser Oh Uncle laser Oh Jesus. He's uncle Now you got a pretty serious tragedy For sure it was crazy outfit you watch those videos help don't pass My thought mark was getting ready to take all right fine. I'll shut up about real traffic ready Well mark chug that freezing cold beer bomb it America Don't fuck me do it for the troops otherwise Russian meal. Yeah, that's just gonna win if you don't do that Come on. You have to do them one shot. Are you about rushing? Like the road don't be a copy up you pussy. Come on Bro Mark Norman Mark Norman Green black nice market Marcus Marcus you gotta open it But may as well do it if you're gonna do it though, I thought I had it sorry Don't give me one no pressure those last few seconds were hard. It's so cool. It hurts you Sorry, I'll do another one are we doing for the troops All for the troops Al Qaeda yes, Jmo. Don't get me started. You're up next there dickless one Greatest guitar solo of all time this no diggity. Yeah this can you bag? It's guitar solo of all time Could be no where it comes This is a video title. The only the best part of free word It gets to this point Oh Let's run we're a couple fucked up my guys From Florida like Ron bro now the greatest thing to ever come out of Florida More than let's get Jacksonville Oh Jackson Jackson, man Come on man, this is a greatest guitar solo ever. Yeah, this is insane this rules Still holds up No one plays instruments anymore Tipper Oliver Anthony yes, this is guys having fun dude. This is United States of America, dude Russia cut it out enough enough Putin Russia, we're doing fucking around dude cut it out. We're sick of this war Get your old ass out of the way dude, we're still stop right up deal with your own No today, dude win a national title No, thanks. Fuck this Clemson communist shit be back I Do you guys be if no name won a national title Hershey PA October 13th, come on out Come on man, this is insane still going it's gonna hurt the fingers It's just sorry, it's not even half over this might have been going through grizzly man's head at the end Wow that rips this guy got laid Wait for it Wait for it Come on how much of this can we play? These guys died a plane crash Some of them did yes Wow still going this guy's in the zone Shredded Look at us a couple of honkies bopping honky honky's bopping dude Let's let him run Man that's one of the only songs ever Oh, what a fucker where the music is better than the song. Yeah. Yeah, it's like girl who needs the lyrics I like auto-tune myself It's crazy, all right Oh Jesus guitars got just imagine. Yeah It's almost over Right to the sunset the wheels come off god damn, this is good. Oh my god You know, it's fun Black people to free bird Just show you black friends this song and they're like what god damn I didn't know you guys had this in you Yeah, imagine being the Rolling Stones you got to follow these And they went out on the tongue then it weren't supposed to go out on the tongue And they're like fuck this we're going out on the tongue For what's that they had to follow this. Yes, really the Rolling Stones had to follow what? Open for the Rolling Stones. Yeah, this is it What's the tongue play this so you oh the tongue oh Yeah What was the order they had to order don't walk in the tongue this is a British motherfuckers limeys These motherfuckers They're all over that tongue Wow, they're feeling it well Yeah Rolling stones following James Brown James Brown we go to someone right? No, no says welcome to America motherfucker Hey, we got no you got you within the Rolling Stones he goes no I'm blast I'm James Brown and he goes well, that's not the order we have is somebody huge then you and the Rolling Stones He goes I'm leaving fuck goodbye He gets down the block and he comes back and he goes actually you know what let the Rolling Stones go after me Yeah, let's do that anyway. No, he's like Everyone on my life Follow that motherfuckers. Yeah, really do I saw the killers that fuck in Delaware and they were not killers in Delaware They were about James Brown the second to last and they were like do that. Oh, there he is this it right here Oh my god, let me give us Yeah, it's literally Comical skip through it. Yeah, he's gonna put ships He's this him leaving. Yeah, he keeps pretending to leave. No, oh my These crackers are nervous No, wait go back cuz the Rolling Stones actually kill also that's how good they are He's bringing the heat Yeah, look at those damn shuffle Here's in the back. You're some British guy in a sweater turtleneck. Oh, yeah This is amazing. I mean, this is Athleticism this isn't just like dancing like you have to learn how to do that. Well, they're all on crank How do you know? He's on serious. What were they on coke? Fine, he's gonna go hunter by bro. Look at his feet. Yeah, it's insane Damn BAM one black lady. Is that Michelle Obama? Look at that. No, he wasn't there Like Mike she was Jack that lady that lady's entranced. Yeah, she's entranced by James Brown Look at him. Well, he's a he's hypnotic. Oh my god. He is the best Hey, Jamie. Yeah, play away. Wait. Wait. Wait, Jamie, play the Zaire one Zaire Yeah, when he fought when Ali fought George Foreman James Brown opened up the show Thrill in Manila. Oh my god. It was an extravaganza That was in Manila Fear and Zaire the beginning of the downfall of hunter Thompson I felt like you said fear and Zaire because hunter Thompson went there and didn't want to watch Muhammad Ali get beat up and so he stayed in his hotel and just drank and Floated around the pool with a Nixon mask on and he didn't even realize that he missed He's got sent over there by rolling stones to miss like miss greatest come. Yeah Motorcycle rally This was important what a horrible thing Brown live inside watch this Watch this Oh There you go, yeah Watch this shit son. What an outfit Zanzibar mowgli stash on this guy Holy shit Right into a baby. Let's go. I don't wear the outfit out there great head of hair Wow with the mic in this stand bitch, yeah Godfather of soul Jesus goddamn he was good Zaire Damn Don't do it They're like a running back dude Athlete to do what he does on stage. Yeah crank just a moment It's a man's world yeah, look at them they love it That's the opening for a fight Like Sinead doing one song right I mean, this is James Brown Opening for the this is rope a dope. I mean the dad round opens for rope a dome. Yes. Yes, that's crazy Everybody thought Ali was gonna get killed George Foreman was a destroyer. Yeah, he was just flatlining people You just couldn't stop him. He just moved forward just mowed you over with body punches. He was Jerry George was so he knocked out Joe Frazier and was like he lifted him up in the air when he knocked him out But then Frazier got beat up by oh, this is what Sex machine baby. He's he act up. He's trying to fuck this lady No, I do what to do nothing wrong I You out on lover out of love which is it It's amazing You want to talk about music and you don't want to talk about what happened Well, let's talk about your tour. When are you leaving? We leave it tomorrow? kodari, oh your Your fans will have read all about this James aren't you concerned about that? Good fucking time damn she's talking about like allegations like was it domestic Well, do you remember when he got arrested because someone was using a toilet he chased him with a fucking shotgun Then he had a shootout with the cops the fucking cops chased him down. They shot his tires out Cop shot his tires out, bro. Wow That was a good time. I don't think he shot at the cops I shouldn't say shoot out with the cops but the cops definitely shot his tires people still par like Richard Pryor shot his own fucking car Does his wife tried to leave? Oh, wow. Yeah, that's right. He had a whole bit about it That was like the slap with Chris Rock, but it was because it was all over the news They shout out two of his tires. He drove from the rims for six miles High-speed chase through Georgia and South Carolina He tried to ram police cars with his pickup truck. That's what that interview was for me I got out your police cars. That's amazing. He got out of there. Oh Good lawyers different wait. No, that was later that year cuz that are you going back in after that? Interview says April 4th 1988 and our arrest this is on the state December 15th 1988 He began serving a sentence then hold on. Sorry, how long did he do so he got mad cuz someone uses shitter That's what it all started from somebody uses pre had a personal bathroom someone took a shit nut you got super mad I'm pretty sure that was the origin of being that guy you're around James right you've been around famous people you're like Fuck I don't want to piss him off. I don't piss but goddamn I gotta take No way he's gonna be mad about this I Get to the high-speed Burke Chrysler shit in James Brown's toilet Shit come out. Oh my god. I took a shit PCP PCP. What is a habit and what is you just enjoy? It is just trying to get through the day The police arrived Brown led them on a high-speed chase He was like I'm going past that line I don't give a fuck dude taking PCP and someone takes a dump in your toilet and you got a gun you're gonna Want you're gonna stand your ground. Oh Brown jail is 15 for breaking into cars Nice sang in the prison choir and started a band when he got out This is rock stars were rock stars, bro. He was the rockiest of rocks news rules Yeah, the movie wasn't bad about him the guy killed it the actor who I forget Who's done the best like biopic of a famous musician? There was a lucky and few a keen with Val Kilmer doors He actually kind of went a little crazy walking walk walk the line was walked the line is pretty great Yeah, that was good. That's you know what? I don't think there's a number one because that is walk the line It's pretty fucking amazing. Well, that's the future Dewey Cox do we cocks rolls? Yeah Was there Val Kilmer fucking killed it. He did kill it Jim Morrison. No Jim Morrison sucked in a creep as a human Hold on. I really like him and he's so annoying. It's like it's like okay is deep, but it's like oh my god He might be around that guy. Yes, but also But what musician like they're all that you want to hang out with that guy, but also He was Good point. He was 27 in 1969. Nobody knew anything. We were all moonbeams Couldn't get it up. Yeah, it does. Yeah, we just drink we are Killed it was Jim Carrey is Kaufman. Yeah Another guy who kind of went a little crazy doing a roll a little yeah, man. How good is that spell joke? What? Never say it guys. I don't ruin the joke. Oh No, don't we'll talk about it after it's remember it was a new bit The biopic is tricky cuz like did they really say that do you know if they said that for sure? What's a biopic like how I know what he said, right? Yeah, but that was not a musician, but again, we don't know if he was actually like that he looked exactly like that though Good. Yeah, the look in there is the fuck man. He's the best he's good. He's Catholic actor He's the goat. He's the only guy that I've ever seen ain't no scientist I know Scientologists ain't no goddamn fucking Buddhist. He's just good Catholic. There's As good Irish man Jmo Jamie speak up boy. Don't just sit back there smile He was the best boxer ever like actor turned boxer. Yeah, they look a movie Yeah, good. I looked he looked like a real boxer. He spent like a whole year training out of legit boxing Yes, they you know fighting. Yeah, like rocky. It's like comical. I watch a football movie It right destroys me or comedy man a comedy movie like there's no lockers Actually, we're thinking about putting lockers at the mothership It's not a bad idea. I mean you should but there were none hurt locker But yeah leaves those guards in there some cigarettes or something yeah stuff and weed Some need okay For me it's pool when people pretend they can play pool drives me fuck color money video Color money's okay because Tom Cruise is look the guys amazing Tom Cruise is a wizard Yeah, like he doesn't really look like a pool player, but he kind of does it's enough where it's not offensive But Paul Newman was a little offensive white man can't jump both Woody and Denzel were fucking they can play Yeah, another one you see a guy shoot a jumper too pretty this is terrible. Yeah, I would imagine if like You ever see a Will Ferrell and that uh, whatever We are rocky you see him swing and is like a foot and a half between him and the It's also just nothing but haymakers to the face exactly exactly Pull up Daniel DeLuis in the boxer. It's pretty impressive I heard of the because it looks like you heard of the box. It's it's a guy about an IRA guy Yeah But it's like when you watch the the film like he looks like a real boxer and and he wasn't you know The fucking guy just figured it out. He's a gay actor Is he gay? He's just following no, but actors are good Daniel gay Underrated good-looking guy Daniel gay Okay, Louis, so here's the so look like when you're watching this like this looks like a real boxing match Really from the 50s? No, no, it looks like yeah, you're right. You're right. It does. He looks like a boxer I mean, obviously they're pulling their punches, but he looks like a real boxer. He's using head movement He's not just waiting in throwing power punches. They're ducking under this is legit. It's a lot of Yeah, you know he looks legit that looks legit That's like it's a lot of action Of course not much stop but sometimes there's fights like that every now and then a fight breaks out like that I'm sure fights in Ireland Good days indeed. Yeah, I don't think it was an amateur, but it was still you know like yeah Scenario that could I've seen that happen in fight Kevin Costner that pitching movie was pretty shitty, but as a golf He was pretty good. Yeah, you remember Paul, you know When did this go away remember this why did that go away? Oh, yeah Because they didn't have gloves on and when you don't have gloves on one of the things you realize really early on is that you Break these knuckles when you swing wild punches and you catch people in there You catch people in the foreheads. You're gonna fuck your fucking hands up like almost all the time So a lot of guys learned how to just kind of jab at you with these knuckles No, no, this is the way you punched me They would jab at each other with these knuckles so they stand there like this and they jab at each other with these knuckles These knuckles can tolerate and these knuckles can't these knuckles break these over here break and which can do these two right here These are the ones these are the ones okay breaking break Yeah, I cracked this one once and I didn't even have to have surgery on it. They're thick. It's like a thick bone It'll heal up. Yeah, but a lot of guys they break these down here. They break this down here So what guys figured out how to do is to kind of jab each other with these bare knuckles And if you watch like bare knuckle boxing like they're kind of doing that now a little bit They're tense up and they're throwing big punches like a boxer too But they're also kind of jabbing each other and then with knuckles Because you want to catch them with just these front two those you're really your primary weapons in your hand If you hit someone right here with the pinky on the forehead, it's touch-and-go man You could shatter your whole hand. Oh, then you have one hand. That's why I stick to slapping This is different because these guys have This is a different story here because their hands are very wrapped like their knuckles are covered so it's not hands are protected Yeah concrete what they're doing right here is a different thing Damn These guys have like some thick ass hand wraps on you see when he's making his fist with his right hand But yeah thick that is that's a padding that'll allow you to punch harder So this is the thing this is the rub against gloves that truly is it. It's unvelist fucking blows whatever that was Yeah, this is much more realistic Play that back. Oh my god Oh He just walks away. I love the walk away. Look at the crib. Oh, this is grease in the coffin. They're stiffened up. Oh Perfect punch perfect Viagra this guy's stiff rigamortis. Whoo Hachi-machi so this is a black guy out over there. Sorry whaling on us No, he's not black What is he? Yeah? You're done, bro. See color over for you. You're canceled is he black? Opian brother guy fought with jeans on Sweats bro The slap won't catch on bro. Here's the crazy slap is that weird? They fucking drug test those dudes the slap. I should never Everything don't draw tests for meth. It's lap boys do math. Let the brothers do what they do It's sanctioned but state athletic commission. I mean, that's what I mean. What is the like? It's a sport. That's crazy. What how? Yeah It's joke fighting who cares. Let them do math Let them do a little PCP. Let's see. Let's have a PCP fucking division. They would let them have guys only just fucking Fun this has to have been discussed before but a drug by drug division Heroin was gonna be real boring. Yeah, you could totally have like a meth champion meth champion would be that's like You have to do math before the fights. Maybe it'll dust or PCP. That's the one it'd be could be but every day be Jesus Christ, yeah, it's kind of wild that we let people fight but we don't let them fight on drugs Yeah, go for it. Do whatever you want. I mean, it's all It freedom yeah, the ultimate freedom is you could fight on do whatever you want That's what the UFC is based on do whatever you want fight. We guys know about high rollers, right? No High rollers is the weed competition where they do jiu-jitsu when they get high first and then like elite jiu-jitsu guys have jiu-jitsu matches Slows everything down. Yeah, not really it actually makes you focus. Yeah, I mean makes like that guys about to shoot Well, it just makes you like much more focused than what's going on for some strange reason I don't know how you guys do it. Like you guys perform high crazy Yeah, I can't think of anything. That's Joe. She'll know you just don't know Joe Shelly He was maybe Joe number one man. Yeah, he's a elite kickboxer Yeah, it's um you do cuz it's fun mark Norman But it just goes everything down where you like I see everything going on very so it's almost like the matrix You're like, oh wait, hold on for me. It always gives me revelations that I didn't know I was gonna get you fight How you roll high? Yeah, always roll high. It was like we never used to I haven't rolled in like over a year We know I was starting to do it again But I've got a elk hunting season and I'm like, I don't want to fuck my seat my knees up before I go Fair fair so around November. I'm gonna start doing again. Okay. Yeah, I had a knee problem that like was a very regal I tore my MCL I tore it going on stage at stubs I started to work going up the stairs. So stupid now because we were doing the Chappelle shows and we were just fucking obliterated backstage and I had to go up the stairs and I was turning my I was like, oh I'm going up now and I was turning my Phone to airplane mode and I stub my fucking foot up these stairs Like this is concrete it is times I and I twisted my knee like And then when I was on stage my knee was shaking like shaking because it's in physical pain. Yeah, it's like yikes Did you mention you push through I should have mentioned it But then I didn't know what to do with it because I hadn't done stand-up in a long time And I was just starting to do stand-up again Now I would definitely mention it wait do you there's like you must think you just is kind of like your life to a degree So it's a part of your big life, but like you must know an eight. You're not gonna do it in 90 So like you must really grace he did. Okay, but you were like there's gonna be a time where I'm like I gotta stop that yeah You could still do it as long as you do it with people like you that have good control The whole idea is you don't want to get like a spastic young quarterback fucking a jacked Super athlete to fucking throw you around and hurt you Yeah, but a lot of guys there's just there's like a lot of guys that roll like deep into their 60s Wow Yeah, they just do it. I'll buy people on D. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah al Bundy. Yeah Yeah, Ed O'Neill Ed O'Neill's a legit black belt shut up. Yes. He is no way yes. Yes. He is he looks like a dad Ed O'Neill Absolutely is a legit jujitsu married with children. Yep. Yep. He's legit Rose of people yep, there is holy. Yeah, he's legit I just randomly by chance was on a flight with him once no way totally randomly He sat right next to me and we talked about jujitsu the entire time Yeah, we just talked about jujitsu Wow You gotta love a couple of black belts chillin in first class. Are you black? Bravo block Wow gee and gee and okey. Yeah. Wow. We got in a pool. It's it than offer. Yo yesterday So I don't know what the fuck you're talking about Hotel Vince's jacked by the way, really he was looking good big dude pull up Vince's age How old is that guy cuz he was oh, I just got him confused You said Vincent D'Alfreau. You're talking Vincent Gallo very different. Remember the Buffalo He's jacked I was he was jacked but he's like hanging in there for an old guy No, I saw him get out of pool. He was fucking Real who's jack? Stronger than any of us. How good was he and full metal? Yeah, how old are we talking TV or no? But work Oh 64 Before he's like about 64 he's got some hair still yeah gray but full How good was that guy in full metal? Yeah, you looks better than that. Now, you know, she was great in what the fucking alien movie I Just run up a day go It's fucking great in that movie. I mean to have a guy who's like a serious actor Yeah, go hard in on being a bug being said human suit Is kingpin in the new one I Did not feel rules I told you we had to pull you trying to be a naysay that's Ari though I Disgusting being a nice a once he started doing TV like all actors. You're crazy goes pretty downhill That's crazy talk all his greatest stuff was before CSI Being nasty though. What's a rough one? I'm now a TV guy instead of a film He's back in movies. Yeah, but it's just the thing about those Shall I comparison to the movies? Yeah, when you've done full metal jacket and I get it I would The problem is like when you're doing that when you're that good, yeah TV's a different TV's Chaft he's good. No, no, you got your breaking That's true, too But after that 2001 he wasn't You don't know shit about his Getting out of your league We looked over there was a lady sitting not next to him but a chair over I put a smart on Vince dude you the man But I looked at these guys I was like yo you see that yeah, he was like yeah not Go now now. That's his age. I thought the same I was saying yeah, it was do you think that's a guy from fucking? No, that guy's not like an older guy didn't young woman you guys are the same age we are Dude what you and bug early 70s like that makeup job killer that fucking movie was fun What a look do you know he was great? Good dude, they're all good Yeah, it was a attack the block oh Attack the block fucking rules what aliens deck black people yeah, that's pretty much it Attack the fucking ghetto in England yeah, what's yeah, hold their own what year was this like? What In London and they'd like to fucking fight the aliens The guys Here's just saying it, but it was pretty far worse guy well jumbo you I go oh yeah before that's another Tom Cruise movie What world where the world is back in that no? War the world's rules yeah pretty fucking guy. I think Tom Cruise rules. He rules I'm just I look I've got a deep-seated to argue on it back. He's not Top 10 no he's number one by far um Now this is a blockbuster. No exactly that's what the argument changes where it's like superstar blockbuster He's the one by whose definition for decades. He was a good bar argument for decades He was it's oh the new Tom Cruise movie okay Brad Pitt Not nice Dokapri behind him now Leo's good not as long Cruise Tom Hanks Big is Tom's huge some who? Now he's like not as expected Tom a lot of movies a bunch of I don't know I think he's more likeable But here the vampire was so long ago. Here's one thing you have to consider Fuckers collab. I know report great vanilla sky great mission impossible all of us an interview with Reacher all of us an impossible is Vin Diesel that is fast and furious dude if you like that You mommy like fast and furious sure sure he's gonna view Vampire tomorrow, but how many missions and possibles are we talking that's fast and furious? He's amazing Tom Hanks you don't know anything Yeah, I watch movies and waste my time. He's in gold No Get to Caprio fire to Caprio no one goes out and also here's a new to Caprio movie. There's a Tom Tom Cruise movie short second movie sure like that. No no no you go like I wanted to turn to that's a Tarantino movie Sure, but five six movies top okay, Ariz a this is crazy not a hater I'm just saying wall st. Cruise Schwarzenegger there you go to see them he put out hold on hold on he put out gangs in New York I think within the same week he put out catch me is that's great, but you're not gonna see a Decaprio move yes, you are The director director's movie Who you gonna show up for Scorsese Scorsese exactly you what I'm going to say new school If you're going to see aliens who are you going to say yeah, but people do See alien Caprio movies to check what at least Scott. Yes exactly so but Top is you're going I'm going to sit around Tom Cruise movie Schwarzenegger when you went to a movie and said I'm going to see the Tom Cruise movie Every Tom Cruise movie this is like Steven Spielberg does so there's a little bit of same there's overlap There's overlap yeah for sure people always go to spill spillers movies. It's crazy. No you go see It's okay, okay, okay, what about somebody's in a movie like that's great. I understand With kindergarten copy like I'm going to do Schwarzenegger move okay, nobody's comparing kindergarten cop with Caprios career. I know and I'm saying it's not Caprio you're not going to see his movies. Yes you are now. You're going to see movies in or not, but some people are Why not so hard I'm saying more so you're going to see a Tom Cruise movie Tom Cruise movie you're going I'm here to see the Tom Cruise movie Possible seven get what guess what dude they get away with it The mission was possible for the seventh fucking time There's another crap Zone stunts who gives a full 4.7 billion more right below him at fourth place who they know it's a caprio DiCaprio if it comes to the top three are all Marvel characters, so this one The top three is not the fourth one's not so I'm cruise has been Like 30 who do we guess yeah, yeah, I'm saying to Caprio Chris Pratt short centers about that's a good drastic parking. Okay, who is it? Where's T give up? Now what do you mean? Wait There's a board all the Star Wars Guys aren't good Indiana Jones above Tom Cruise in this you know what's a great Scarlett Johansson movie? What's it called under the skin? Lucy was fun too, but there's a movie where she plays an alien She plays an alien that takes over like a human form hmm start fucking dudes up. I wish you would take me over Who are the top ones about under it was yeah, Samuel Jackson number one, but that's because the Marvel Oh Adding up the profit of movies Robert County I knew it it should be guys who are leading the movie What what happened to us that that's like what we really want to see anything a superhero It's just a guaranteed lock the lock is that a weird fucking sense though uncle Glazer What is that about our society made all these movies over and over again? And then it just condensed down to the perfect all of Dorito. We made a Dorito and the Dorito. Hey there we go Guys and they fucking famish Right Tasha entrance She's on fear factor once no Nobody or as a celebrity as a celebrity really nice lady very pretty you're taking Tom Cruise over Tom Hanks Yeah for sure, bro. Yeah Tom Hanks. I'm Hanks had a great career. I'm saying there's different categories I'm gonna hear me out on this yeah, Tom Hanks had a run Tom Cruise had a run Tom Cruise. I was crazy It was insane when was taking care of business hold on risky business risky business 86 till still now no no no yeah, no No, no headlining anyone. I know I'm happy 40 years. I love speaker. Okay. Yeah, let me speak okay They had they've I'm talking about like specific runs where both of their like it was just Forest Both came out 94 Tom Hanks had a run of Tom Hanks for Oscar runs was crazy Tom Hanks had a run of like saving private Ryan Forrest Gump Yep, fucking green mile you forget about toy story He had all cast away. He had like a thing you do but then he now he stinks What's he doing now that you don't like Crap dude Elvis not really He was just in Ari he was just in Elvis it wasn't his movie They've got me he was really great. He was the like the co-star of the movie Also, the Colonel also you cited Tropic Thunder is great Literally all Tom Cruise did his scream and dance in that fair enough. I've met her enough Good minority of course great Jeremy choir To him require with some yeah, all these were great interview the vampire With the vampire no one's saying any of these guys are American made You say one guy's better than the other guy boards like you think this guy sucks like they're all amazing That's the point of having a fun argument. Yeah, exactly Sure the whole Jack Reacher series Reacher thing doesn't even make sense. I thought Jack Reacher was good. Yeah when it came out Recently I showed my friend Chris O'Connor who loves Tom Cruise Road dog. Shout out Road dog, bro You've never seen Jack Reacher. This is so good. We watched it within 10 minutes. I was like dude for real my bad I didn't know I was retarded when I This is for more on Amazon is much better That's what Reacher was supposed to be a giant guy, you know heat Fucking in the books heat heat sucks One big I said me but oh shit the cops are actually trailing me right now Well, I guess we can't do the ice. No do it anyway He has a dinner with the cop was like I'm never gonna stop looking at you. Yeah. Well, I'm gonna keep doing this fucking I Just wouldn't do it and then fucking with the message For I know but I expect you enough to not go for it based on the Hollywood shootout But if somebody was like, hey, so, you know, we're watching you don't rob a bank. You're like, well, I definitely can't now That's how big of his ego. No And he still almost got away with it. It's so dumb. It's like it's hard enough to do a heist Yeah, also every love scene we have with the chick I know better what are you narrow DeNiro's better? I mean heroes the man If you're talking about best acting abilities sure Tom Cruise is even close the biggest star. I'm saying Tom Cruise because 40 you were often butt fucks Tom Cruise I could never win like a real man All those absolutely I'm saying biggest star for many years I'll be honest for coming off like They're all great drinks dude, I've been putting these traces down you do this every time we do this Do you do this every time we do it and you have two sips? I'm pretty Full Look around look at what we're doing you sir. This is water Transfluid Howard man coward that hard I've been doing the the the Eagle We gotta go on soon Shane there's only two more left Look at short shorts coming in that Daisy Duke Joe's ready to kick my sack to be hanging out of that thing They said America fuck yeah, oh let's go then Norman does this every time we do this he doesn't get fucked up going liquor That's good shot Yeah, it's good boy We Smoker we and I are holding it down for the we guys want to do real drugs. I'm high as fuck Let's do some ketamine. Let's get it from dunk in the Connie made his tub You just gotta make sure you got the right Like you completely froze a bail on that McConnell fucking completely froze I Didn't run for may guy rules no no no he was gonna run for governor and then he said he went for a Let's hit run the MLS. Yeah, why would I want to be a politician Jesus Christ? You know be a hot guy get help people just like talking Yeah, just being cool. He's so fucking good guy. He can hair plugs go. I hope so yeah You guys want to know I hate Tom Cruise why do you hate Tom? I love Hitler That's why he was an anti Hitler I was watching that movie I was like get this treacherous or am I going for the whole thing this one time Zachary Ruhlman going for the whole thing this one time Norman please Please mark yeah Good for you boy This is always fun Special on Netflix right now mark Norman specials also on Netflix wrapping it up. I guess so Should we keep rolling Seven we got a bite I haven't eaten today There's a lie oh, you know okay 12 hours ago it wasn't Kill Tony Resisted it's eight o'clock But we can show up late I'll start late Tony's anybody talk to Tony yeah, I haven't looked at my phone today about what 78 guests Rick flair the other guy post Malone yeah Who knows anymore? Post Malone that's what I call the years after Cheers Bar Actors Post Malone yeah screaming about something oh my god people there I'm it's Barry Sanders Emmitt Smith better some dumb shit like that screaming because there's no right or wrong I know that's what happened. It's the best yeah yellow drunk. I've been in several bar fights about Chris I'll kill you seen Serpico great movie. Yeah great movie. You know I'm saying that's like it kind of bar scene argument Al Pacino dog they have to know lines and screams gibberish all he does is scream cuz she's got a That's a shit movie He's driving a Ferrari Ferrari blind yeah, oh yeah doesn't hit anything Irishman You can watch him fuck up a line and they just kept it well no one made it so that He's in the middle of a speech, and then he's just like you're fucking Just like trying to be a really frustrated guy That's what I mean As far as like this is how people actually talk right, but I think fucked up I I don't know anything, but I will say I think Pacino and Jack have been making up their own lines Please you watch the departed and pay attention to anything Jack says that entire This is gibberish start to finish No laundry yeah, it's cocaine on the girls pussy don't move until you feel numb bitch When the body's in the mouth that's the best part that's horrible been a big fucking dog. Yeah, this cheese-eating rat And it brings up questions crews couldn't have done this Coke out of role could have never done this. I would love to see crews coked up Leo rules The accents bed bad Still such a good performance great movie fun movie great movie yeah internal affairs one of the best I'm not the fucking rat okay. He looks young fucking rat he was Same in growing pace He was still hot he's gotten a little bloated yeah, he's old now he's ancient who no it's right He was an easy writer he was great yeah five easy pieces But oh, I'll go Matt Damon All these guys are great all these times are all these guys have great He's a fun hang. I bet Matt Damon rules, but come on now. He's not in the running. He's not in the running No, no, no he is great, but he's on the running Johnny Obviously has Christian Bale Oh The machinist it's like who the fuck is this guy Christian Bale destroys Tom Cruise yeah Vice yeah, I don't know that one of my favorite great Chaney without aesthetics Same guy that played American Psycho played dick chain machinist was the best to me. He was gone in that he was That good yeah So good he was good the movie was he was great the movie was like what's really funny is every Every time I've had this drunk Tom Cruise argument. Yeah, this is how it goes you keep drinking you like Christian Bale That Both end to fucking birth fat yeah That we've talked about this on here before Vice is one of your devices designed to like make you maybe not like him and in reality It just makes you be like damn change the man Dude it's so good. There's a part where he There's an underrated Destroyers Tom Cruise, but bucks Tom Cruise Crazy what's that movie we play? But you're supposed to not like the movie and then he's fun There's a part where Amy Adams is is like you better change or I'm gonna leave you and he's like Okay, I'll just oh yes. I'll be pretty good You just his wife is like you just got a DUI and a drunken fight you're a big loser I'm gonna leave you if you don't become great, and he's just like Okay, yes, and then he just takes over the entire world. Oh, yeah Comes the most powerful man on earth You got pretty sick is that I hear you look at that acting. I'm a CEO a large company Secretary of Defense Corral's already great Phoenix walking Phoenix Holy trailer put on the Napoleon Apart you haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. Oh, I've been fucking rock hard for Napoleon. Oh my god. Let's watch the trailer No fucking shot don't ask Oh He's so cool watch this look at that Ridley Scott best director he's great brother died 1793 fire This is a fucking flick like an example our front with fault This must be a huge budget. Oh, what would you do with this assignment of defense was transferred to you? She's not promised you'd be on successes Wow Great director director number one. Yeah Banger Bro, I'm the man should be in life back. I know right He wasn't that short by the way, what is your name? I'm pulling the course of my life's just changed Napoleon Then there I'm destined for greatness I Thought I was in power only see me as a sword What do you think this is you take the throne? There's a king As I came Alexander the Great. They just have a an urge to take over Sorry vote Yeah, I made himself a king. Yeah, it's got some drive This has held the world hostage With his egg which isn't and his lack of simple good manners You think you're great You are just a tiny little bit. It is nothing without me I don't get the lady to a role. This is not a forces against me. What's the outcome of this? You don't succeed Majesty we are discovered good I'm the first good. This is good pod right here I simply never do I Marvel horse shit or mermaid Thanksgiving Napoleon rules They made him look like he rules Napoleon does rule I mean now after that movie a lot of you like I like it J. Really did he was buried in a tomb in fucking Paris? They said they made the the awning lowers here to bow your head before you got to see his body and Hitler goes No build a series of mirrors so I could look at his tomb without having to bow my head Yeah He said he wouldn't go in when they occupied France so like build the series of mirrors And he goes Cocaine talk I ain't bound for how tall was Napoleon girl. He was five six But he was always surrounded by grenadiers who wore those big tall hats They were like the biggest guys in the French army Right It's pretty short back then man people are shooting muskets at each other just running at each other shooting tanks Fucking ladders coming up on the wall For the war fairs hands-on. Yeah, we don't like Fucking blow up a village now no drones riding animals. They're all riding animals. Oh, yeah, not to mention the BO What is this jammy? It's him looking at Napoleon's tomb. Yeah Where the mirrors look down? Yeah, where the mirrors? Yeah, I think you heard an urban legend He said he what it says he brought a mirror to it Hmm urban legends got hit it also. He was a big obviously he was a big Napoleon guy obviously Yeah, and he was desperately trying to avoid what Napoleon did in Russia and then sure enough There you go repeat the exact same thing that Napoleon did Wow anyway shout out the battle of curse. Let's go Yeah, I had no idea we're going we'll do this now We'll take out one massive superpower right now, and you didn't and your partner. I don't know if you got that right I don't definitely don't I don't are you just can't stop talking. All right. Just give me You take Adderall's them in the battle of curse the one that This kill Tony's gonna be sloppy no, I don't think so I think I'm I think I'm all right How are you feeling? I'm a little wonky yeah in a row I love how it's like riffs on his girlfriend's Navy C. Alex. No you know about it. I did this for two straight years I know every word of this Boys good night everybody everybody mothership tonight comedy