#1991 - Protect Our Parks 8

And he's not doing it he bullied him. That's what I'm doing Here's my only impression saying you won't yeah Whatever's brought up you won't you have my favorite childish humor, and it works too Like grab your friends you go Please jet lag you came from another country. Oh he had a baby doing this you had a day to rest yeah I had Athens fucking five hours. Did you go see the cry police? I did Wow, it's so cool. What's a croppellus? It's a bunch of fucking rubble oh Cropolis is the base the Parthenon is the building correct? Yes, yeah Did I tell you I looked up that a bunch of times when I was there, and I still don't know nobody knows yeah No idea yeah the Acropolis is the building the Parthenon is what it's built on Interesting the Greeks were gay Greeks were gay Okay, the crop lists about this ancient cult ancient citadel located in a rocky outcrop What it made him which one's the apocalypse which one is the Acropolis and which one's the Parthenon I think that oh? Yeah, I don't know. I think the Acropolis is the building and the Parthenon is what it's built on The most the Acropolis is I think the entire thing in the Parthenon to one of the buildings Yeah, that's what's the what's the structure that it sits on what's the Parthenon? Yeah? I'm pretty sure the part one of them. That's that one. Okay. It's under construction so the Parthenon Scaffolding everywhere roof fell off about that stamos centerpiece the fixer upper for sure so Okay, the Parthenon is a former temple the Athenian Acropolis Greece that was dedicated to the goddess Athena during the fifth century, BC All those people were tripping balls, you know goddess of beauty. Yeah, there's a great book on it The immortality key by this guy Brian Murrow rescue it actually opened up a field of study at Harvard This guy wrote a book about how they they did they always suspected that their wine was laced with something but then they got Definitive proof because they found old vessels and they tested these vessels and they found ergot in them Which is a fungus that has LSD like effects Wow? Yeah, so there's a There were gods dude that must have well, that's where they came up with everything That's where they came up with democracy. They came up with so much from tripping balls. They had this makes sense I can't just rock and it became a spring and balls to fight him He hit a rock it became a story all those old people were tripping balls And what they were doing was hiding it from the Romans and they had to move away like they they started going into other countries When they got kicked out of Greece They moved the illucinian mysteries all over the world the war mysteries Illusis illus idiot mysteries all the zoo stuff all the fucking all the the the trip balls stuff Well, they would people like scholars from all over the world would go there and participate in these these rituals And they would just trip their fucking brains out and figure things out. How about those grape leaves? I? Don't think that had anything to do with that. Ah, that's great. Yes leaves. Yeah, they're not great. They're not great over over Overrated really kind of dip into ziki to make even edible. They're pretty bland. Yeah, they got the same food as a Middle Eastern soup. Yeah, I'm Peter. It's kabob Thomas. Yeah fucking delicious or David Telk calls it terrorist peanut butter His joke Yeah, yeah, did you have fun? Oh, it was did you have a good time? Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, but Athens is a cool city You get away from the tour like I think it's walking. Yeah, it's a big national park in the middle Central Park you walk through it at night. Yeah parks a park though looking for rapists what like to hike Parks in Athens People have asked me about the parks Yeah, everyone you try to protect goes so I went somewhere like if you protect any parks lately And I was like no I've only failed in protecting any parks. We only tried one Yeah, I'm failure, but sometimes it's your first time trying to protect the park true. Why do you like parks? He's a city dork the only nature he gets a stink Only nature my nephew to a park. I just looked like a fucking pedophile the whole time. He was a little tiny park Yeah with a swing set. Yeah, I just oh yeah, you know Park. I was just yelling at him You're not allowed to go without a kid. Yeah, I love these places right yeah, that's weird Go to a park and just watching kids boy. I love watching kids interact. Yeah Can't you can't so innocent you have to go with your own kid dog park Dog parks you can't go in without a dog You know they won't stop you, but the rule is you can't go without a dog. Oh really rule. Yeah is it written yeah So it's written so it's told It is written. That's all I know it is my uh My niece my niece's nephews are black and my dad took him to the park by himself My niece's was on the swings, and she was like slap me pappy slap it down there like pushing her ass Pretty funny right people are looking at it like what the fuck is going on here? Slap me pappy. Yeah, it's like slap it pappy. He's like Jesus Christ I can see how there's a playground outside my apartment And I look at mom was on her phone the whole time pushing this kid on a swing it killed me It's so easily steal a kid. I know so distracted now's the time yeah My friend almost got his kids stolen from a park what yeah, yeah, he Noticed at the last minute that someone was calling his kid towards a truck Brian Laundry and he stopped He ran out and stopped it, but I think he was just not paying attention for a brief Somebody tried to steal his kid. I got a hit on my pedophile as a as a youth the thing is it does happen It's not so insane. Yeah, what no it actually does happen people still children cuz that kid'll forget Crazy enough to work Remember milk carton kids yeah, that was a big thing yeah, I think a lot of them are stolen by the parent That's almost all the stats of like abducted kids are just the dead Use their kids as like leverage to get back at the spouse Yeah, husband and the wife get divorced and the wife won't let the husband see the kid yells at her I want my fucking kids you won't let that whore in the house with her That would be nice getting so like hammered and just going to your fucking ex-wife's house There's a horrible video of a guy getting shot doing that oh really Goes to the the house where his kid lives And there's a guy there and the guy and the wife are there and he's yelling And the guys get get off my fucking property and the guy one the guy's a big guy and he gets in his face And the guy goes and gets an AR and they struggle with Struggle with the gun briefly and then the guy lights him up. That's a good dad I like him up in front of the guy's mom Wait who shot who the biological father got shot by the stepdad yes He got hooked who's a smaller guy does the biological dad's a big guy Why would you get close enough with an AR for some other guy to grab it? I think he was just trying to threaten him like if he pulled out a gun the guy would be like that's it Okay, you got a gun. I'm gonna leave now, but this guy's an idiot I've seen quite a few of those people just People get nutty and they don't understand risk and they don't understand danger even just with fights when they get in people's face Yeah, man fuck you Well fuck you something like you don't you literally don't know how to fight and you're about to engage in one of the most Dangerous things that people can do other size other than using weapons. Yeah happens all the time But I saw a video the other day this guy is there in front of like a truck and this guy's yelling You fight like that one he takes his shirt off the guy just shoots him Gonna stop and the guy's like come on pussy. He takes a shirt while the guy has a gun out He's the machine and he comes towards him. He just boom no Guy died that's right. Yeah, what happened? Yeah Jones look enough. Oh, yeah Yeah, what do you have a whip or something? No, you know like a sword yeah You know that was like a supposedly like No, it wasn't supposed to happen. I was like, yeah. Yeah. Oh, he's high all the time Harrison Ford It gets high wasn't no rips a matter about then but now he's just high all day He feels depressed think when you get older, that's the move You can't control this he knows what he does so out of control and so not what you grew up with You're like what what's the kids these days what is happening? You're changing genders. Just get high Just go through life spaced out Indiana stoned. Oh, there we go. His alternative pastime. His wife is hideous Yeah, his wife that's Chewbacca Jesus got it He's got that gay earring to still You ever see scrape take that kid steal that kid Scrape guys great. They shot a video. They just like distracted someone and grabbed their kid and they go no, I'm just kidding I'm just kidding. Get the kid back. It was great. It was so funny What was funny? What what was funny? Did they stole a kid and the parents are freaking out and I'm kidding Ari always wanted to be stolen Yeah, definitely. What you in like a shitty Christian family called Jewish. Oh, you ever heard M Call me sometimes what about this table? What about it? All right, let's go He knows I know enough he will rant you send a text to mess. You're be prepared for 17 straight. Oh, yeah But like anytime there's some fucking fuckery some shenanigans with words some weird thing they're trying to pull on you Metzger gets furious because he grew up in a cult so he's Like I know what the fuck this is. Yeah, I know you know, yeah, I can't notice this I can't pay attention to this if I talk about this. I'm a bad guy. That's his joke He goes they told you you can't masturbate. Do you know what happened to you if you don't masturbate? No, no one does because everyone masturbates including the people who told us you can't masturbate Documentary that Korean guy you see that one. No, Jamie see that one. It's like in the name of the Holy Father's I'm pull it up pretty great. Oh, but I do just started called but one of his things are north or south made everybody South watch him. He would play soccer In the cult and he would score like 70 goals Everybody dude my favorite cult movies the movie about the building I bought holy hell Oh, yeah, it's a fucking amazing cult documentary. What it's so crazy. Who know who huh? Do you know the story? No The building that I bought originally for the mothership was the place called the One World Theater and that One World Theater was built by a cult So that their leader could dance in front of them Literally, they put on these performances. They documented it all this guy filmed everything Wow, this this crazy dude who was a gay porn star so gay he's so gay He was a that's his older self He's already getting old then if you see the videos of him when he was young he was a beautiful man Yeah, it was this really gorgeous Like ripped yoga instructor. Yeah started this call in West Hollywood called the Buddha field and then they moved it out to Austin But they're all pretty good me. Let me see the penises Lady get close like you be lower so fucking bud like commercial All these boys with him and he fucked all of them. He's not gay gay porn star I think girls is how we got straight guys to come to the cult smart because he fucked all the straight guys ladies night He convinced them You should watch the documentary he gave them there he was a hypnotist He was a hypnotist so he gave them therapy and then he'd fuck them and he charged them for the therapy Charge of 50 bucks and he owned the mothership. No, he owned the One World Theater It was like the people that were I was buying it from were people that used to be in the cult Yeah, now they owned it, but that that was the original location for it Yeah, that's not why I love it. I was watching that Korean guy and I was like this guy fucking he had 900 women as cheerleaders the stadium would be packed and he'd score 80 goals We gotta arrest this son of a bitch. I was like girl this guy's dominating The guy not gonna get captured for the end he's in a tent with two girls and they like live camera They're like, what are you doing back here? He's got a boner. He's like stay out Boy goes from 90 goals scoring to be in a tent with two girls the last tagglers the last ones. Yeah, it was tough Still I fucking three way in a tent. Yeah, sweaty. I'm sure game. Yeah, would you dominate it? That's an MVP Performance dude, you gotta see his soccer Line up like 15 people in the goal. We'd be like I can still score them They would all like get out of the way Wild that everybody knows about cults, but yet people can still form calls so well people to join I want to go in for a week. Just see if they'd get me Knowing to any culture just knowing I'm like, I know what this is. But like let me like you See if they get me Judy is cut to you getting fucked in the ass Like two days later and it happened quick man, they make some good points You were like a serious Orthodox Jew if you yeah out of that that's a close like a respected cult to respect to one Yeah 45 I Got up. I was in for a while. Mmm. I might get out of this too Indianapolis cult they hitch The low protein diet Well, you know this that's the question of like when does it become a cult? Yeah is Christianity coldest Catholicism? Oh, they're all cults What makes a cult first religion you're not watching some Korean guy fuck everybody in scores But the religions Tell that to the Catholics. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's a good Figure it out good marketing. They figured out how to make the Vatican Oh country. Yeah, and while this shit ever Yeah, you got a hundred acre country in the middle of your city it's very nice religions of Different town in the city Hmm. Well the cult is the people that can't keep it together and the guy fucks everyone's wife. Yeah religions They do early fucking kids. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how many preachers are banging people's wives? Oh so many get about We had a guy in a community said the girls had to do a ritual bath to get clean fucking peep the whole Over those New York Jews got to take a couple more Oh Joel teens fucking moms Mmm. Oh good question. I bet it is cuz you know, we could so knowing he could and knowing what you know about a man But he might be gay with the amount of women that must throw themselves at him He's a superstar and he's a man of God. Is there any hotter sex than religious sex? Father really hot believer. Oh, but if you can't get her off, that's pretty it's a letdown What have you done wrong this week doesn't let me pussy I Want a strict eye this week, can you think There's something about a crazy hot believer like you both believe in the same nonsense You just she's crazy hot and just like Jesus wants me to suck your cock. So I agree with Jesus Jesus told you that why can't argue Jesus you talk to God. Yeah The gods give me an exception. I just got God test you with an exception. Well, it's gonna put it in God's hole That's what he's doing Catholic school the old anal but God's hole. Yeah, it's uncount. Yeah The gale that is so wild that someone found that fucking workaround the wildest was the Mormons. It was just guys trying to fuck She's trying to get fucked in the like I'm gonna work out here anal the Mormons of the docking Stick it in soaking and leave it Choose who's the top foreskin because that's like good quest. Oh, you should rock paper scissors for that. Yeah Small spoon, yeah Why would you what more diamonds have your skin around it is more Strictly the field, but it's also so ridiculous like I had do that you fucking you just stand stare at each other No, no, I'm fucking your dick you're not wrapping your dick no, I'm sucking in your dick. No, no, no I'm fucking your dick. I don't know I think I'm sucking in your dick Suck in my dick fucking your dick. I'm definitely sucking your dick. Well, it's like when I fuck your mouth You might be sucking my dick, but I'm fucking your mouth The worst part about Dan Henderson, you know Dan Henderson fucking one of the elite MMA fighters of all time He was at my show in New York City once he likes knocking this this hacker was talking. I said to the hacker Hey, if you don't shut the fuck up I'm gonna have Dan Henderson hold you down and fuck your girl right in front of y'all and Dan Henderson goes Why would I hold him down when I could just stare him down? So real Okay, fucker Dan Henshunds a fucking animal just the fact that he could come up with that on the fly Things like that he said that before The wife The guy was out of control his wife was out of control they were both out of Carolines, right? Yeah All broke out that night or maybe the next day they were throwing chairs. Yeah, they was the next day How many shows that we've done together a bunch Thousands we've done so many shows together all over the fucking country over the world That was those shows were right after a baby bird. That's right there Stir's right and stir complain got it taken down off off YouTube. What's yeah stern? Yeah, then I remember like one of those go One of the stern but like their group was like take that shit down because they didn't want them succeeding And then they were like this happens all the time. We'll just have to file a thing that we'll get put back up What was so they were saying that it was offensive. That's how they get it Maybe they were the one they were like now we're the edgy. We should say that it was we know that's true We need to find out because that's like such a fucking egregious evil thing to do if you're in that business Yeah, like say something's offensive like I like saying Don. I miss went too far. Yeah Yeah, he was he would he was like I'm the offensive one no one else Well when he silenced opine Anthony wouldn't let them talk shit about him. Yeah. Well, he was talking shit about that wild Yeah, he was like I use any tool against my enemies like Just stand for anything though. Yeah, you just fucking radio guy. Yeah That guy was alone I think that guy was alone on the front line for so long Imagine if you're it's World War two and it's just you against the Japanese and you're on this fucking island I'm just killing just killing people every day for like a Decade and a half and then new people come up and they're like what should you have my back? I fuck you Where are you? I needed you? Yeah, this is my fight true I heard people had to avert their eyes when he came in. I don't think that's probably true. Not true. I don See, I think that's it. I think that is people that work handlers saying that tell him don't look at him Don't talk to him. Yeah, and so he probably doesn't even know that they're doing that. I know that happens with some stars I know that happens. Yeah, damn. Yeah, J. Lo weird We did a commercial man, as he's a commercial tiger woods like don't curse around it. He's before the scandals Like don't curse around him. Don't do anything. Okay, and he comes in he goes you guys ready? I do this shit and we're like wait What did you just tell us not to be dirty? He was like just hand just handlers Yeah, weird people this this weird people they get a kick out of having power over the star Yeah, like they have power to access like you can't have access to the star You can't get close to them weird people at clubs do that. Yes, it's weird. That happened to me I did a club in Erie, Pennsylvania And the guy goes you better be clean you better be squeaky clean TV clean. I was like, oh shit I was three years in and then the host goes up who told me that he's like so it's fucking my wife in the ass I jizzed in her daughter's hair and I'm like Cereals weird Oh Get the host back up I run a new hour on the fly He's taking all the fucks out jizz out those are the worst gigs when you had to work clean They're like 20 minutes to work clean. It's not touching out your pits Yeah, you're like, oh, this is a clean bet and then halfway and you're like, oh it does go to the end damn I I never had to do one clean show. I don't think ever It's tough. He said no every single time. We're just don't exist anymore. They don't well There was never had to do like it was late night or anything. I was right when I was coming up It was like do you want money or not? Yeah Yeah, it's like if you want to get that hundred bucks. You got to go do that clean show. Oh, yeah Yeah To think about the language for the first time in your life or in a decade of like, yeah, is this dirty? Well a decade for me, but it was you know, the early days to stand up by girls 20 and the thing is back then they really wanted stand-up to be clean like everybody wanted you to work clean because that's how You got on tonight show. Yeah, right You know once once Steven Wright got on tonight show out of Boston It kind of like changed how everybody thought about comedy everybody was like you're gonna get it on the tonight show now Like you gotta you gotta work clean if you want to make it you got to work clean I remember there's a bunch of guys who just in town or tell him if you want to work you gotta work clean I'm like you're just here. Yeah, we were talking about last night. There's still that still exists It's still people that like I got to get my stuff together for a late night spot Yeah, it's like dude what late nights over. It's kind of a fun thing. Just make your Do it. No, don't get me wrong. It would be cool to do but I'm saying there's guys that like here's my way out right Watch anybody anymore. Yeah crazy like it's worthless Like if you have a set on tonight show how many more tickets six? Yeah, nothing Seinfeld's everyone like six seven years ago. It was cool to see him put together a late night set or yeah norms at the end of letter I'm unreal at the that was great Yeah, well you think you are Mars. No master. He was a master. He was so I teared up at the end of that That gets me that gets me Brutal yeah, whatever happened to that guy. Oh fuck. I forgot he vanished Bomber gangster way to go. I didn't even know he was gangster way to go out not telling anybody blame me Don't out of me get I know The book he wrote is just trash is out of me. It's great. That's 200 page. He goes. I'm a Holocaust anire I Make some worse That's what Adams like known for People see him like are you blown guys under the bridge? Yeah, that's a fucked up aspect of people you will have some White people yeah who hate white people you will have some Jews who hate Jews you have some Jews who want to join a Nazi party Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah You you will have some black people who hate black people you will have people that will go against their people To be in with the other you'll have Jews that will join the Nazis are you excusing he gets behavior? Like to be a traitor like that is a there's a compelling desire to join the enemy. It's very weird What if you hate yourself? I think that has a lot of it But there's like there's always been people that have joined the enemy during like times more really Benedict Arnold yeah Although I heard Ben. I don't got set up really I heard Ben and a Donald like it was really like another guy who was like Shane knows about that's true I know what happened with Benedict Arnold. I just know he is a traitor He rushed out of West Point while George was there traitor goes Hamilton rail taste out. I'm sure he I'm sure there's something there, but it may be his family that wrote that you know Like him and his wife traitor went to yeah, where did he go to the who's a hero though? Yeah, he was a hero. He was the captain the Ford at West Point and Yeah Slipped out for he said that was the only time they saw George Washington crying whoa When yeah, maybe it was because me How red is he was with his wife? Yeah, wouldn't she was you gotta get out of here, baby snuck out in the mail tonight Yeah, like a bitch and then where you go just straight to the Brits he would there was ships out in the heart Where he just went out join the British. He's no here's how you take the fort Whoa told him everything he had to get in that's the way I get it So I give you all his wife British fish. I'm not sure probably dirty bitch But it's disgusting bitch hot Russian broad to come over here and tricksy. I a guys trick our fucking beautiful president Was the spy way if you're a fucking guy in the government you meet a hot Russian lady like goddamn it I'm fucked like me in the shark. We're in the ocean Nothing weird about this just plays violin strange, but I mean I'm disgusting the politician that was fucking the Chinese spy Oh It's the worst thing so funny yeah, hey, you know that chicken fucking oh, please don't tell me my wife found out I was like no way worse worse. She's a Chinese Suspected Chinese spy reportedly slept with courted US officials to gain intel Officials more than one she's banging a bunch of guys. She's really just a glorified prostitute Her name's fang fang no Funny about her name was fang. Oh it is fang fang aka Christina fang entered the US through California as a college student 2011 spent the next four years wooing everyone from local political to US Congressmen prostitute Wow Among the polls pot fang got close to his California Democrat Eric stall, what was wall well And she once also once helped raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Oh, she was helpful on the way Was like threw it out there And someone being like dude you chick he's like fucking An Ohio mayor in a car Which That's probably how you get by she looks regular by being regular Yeah, what a stupid fucking spy to just fuck a mayor in Ohio. We got a lot of information out of this guy He's the mayor of fucking Cleveland Right here, please knows that the FBI is gonna be in town because of this night. She's setting back Morse code like The guardians the cure is winning but also she's a human being Yeah, and even though she's working as a spy maybe she just wanted to fuck the mayor in a car human being she's Asian She's still unrelated you're saying yeah, she was like I'm trying a bigger thing, but this guy's cool It can't be all of her sex can't be for Intel. I don't know that's hot Intel push Another US mayor described as older and from obscure city in Midwest called fang his girlfriend at a conference in Washington DC in 2014 Oh damn Fang bang Suck in the mayor of soot the bozodas mayor insisted the pair's relationship was the real deal despite their age differences Oh, she's fucking old guys. Oh, this doesn't work for guys A guy can't be a spy that fucks all the she allegedly worked working at the direction of Chinese ultra secret There's Ministry of State Security spy agency oxymoron Hmm interesting thank thank god damn it. Where's she now in jail? I don't know Dude, she got traded for Brittany griner. Nah The merchant of head how crazy is that they traded a mass murderer? Responsible for thousands of deaths for a basketball player the crazy thing is they told the Americans who loved Brittany grinders like hey guys You got to keep quiet about this. That's the only way to get her out Can't make it a big deal and though people like now all we do is make big deals out of things. Yeah They didn't make a big deal about it in the government negotiated she's let out in a week you think so yeah, they're like Just a week charge do you think it became we get it also became a fuck you yeah exactly yeah public fuck you Yeah, cuz nobody knows about that marine. It's over there. They had the choice of Releasing a marine or releasing Brittany griner. No. Yeah, there was a marine charged with espionage. He's probably a better basketball player Jamie can you look up what Brittany's averaging this season see if it was worth it Did you just started how she doing she got eight in the first game she got eight points. I think she got I should fucking leading There's weird videos of her Gotta get that video of him faking out Lewis Gomez 27 in her last game. Oh, that's what it's 17 25 31 ocean I take it back, but who's nice best player in the WNBA? Oh shit that one guy Margaret suber We won't know the name How come no, yeah, I was just gonna say that how come no train to join me T NBA? How come none of them move I know that out yeah They would be Duncan you'd be nuts not to who what idiot is not tried all you'd have to do is be a mediocre male Basketball player dude. I was a practice player for the women's basketball team at Maryland. We figured it out. I would have been a sixth man I would be first off the bench. It's pretty good Yeah without working out hard But imagine if you were like a mediocre professional basketball player couldn't cut it in the NBA anymore. He just transitioned He's all showed to go for it. So you'd be and they can't stop you Yeah, you know one can stop you anymore. You don't even have to do anything. You don't have to take drugs You can be retired. Well, we're tired. It's the whole thing delays 40s. It's so strange, but I mean do it Do it. Well, the weird thing is they just won the poker tournament. That's not even physical who did a guy He identified as a lady and won the poker tournament. Well that could easily because be because men play more poker That's a nuttiest one That was bad all that boxing training he's been he turned all the way I was like, where did that pass go? I don't see the ball What what he's wearing Jordan's number fuck off Until he it's a you dribble until he hears the dribble he doesn't know that was the fun they fought the entire time dude That was that was insane Did they take it seriously? They show seriously Way too seriously Matt were on their podcast They were like we can beat you in basketball. We're like I was like I've seen you play basketball They played each other once and they can't play they dribble with their head down I was like you guys we suck me and Matt suck, but we can beat you and They were like fine a thousand dollars. We're like, all right, let's play beat him 11 12. Nothing We got a fight for a while over there they were so they just paid It's like it was like a year and a half Lewis Can't Lewis kept asking me to do the podcast and I was like, I'm not doing it until you pay me He's gonna fucking pay you right now. I don't give a fuck. Yeah How come he didn't pay you immediately well, he's Lewis No, he's get paid at the game. Yeah, after the game. It was it got heated About what everything? Everybody seriously you went too hard. We should have Dave Dave never Got a fight I was a little out of line. He was a little out of line Lose his greatest drinking. No, I looked like it Handle then forgiving you the next day. Yeah, that's his thing. Yeah Me and him fight a lot a lot of fun. Aren't they girls like that are fun. Yeah, actually I forgive him Yeah, sometimes you freak out I go. Yeah fucking you dumb. Yeah Know what you do what makes them fun sometimes make some problematic. Yeah, you got that right? Yeah Psychotic and erotic and next door neighbor. That's not bad. They're right next door to each other. Oh, yeah, so the butthole in the vagina Don't tell that Jesus What are you doing What you gotta ring the bell takes a second Jay was so mad that you beat him so bad Jay sometimes you can't he just can't take it. He's competitive. Yeah, but don't play a video game with him Yeah, it was a big video gamer What can we plan NBA Jam So that was what started the arguments he was like I'm getting pretty good I actually play basketball. Yeah, they were playing the coordinates. Yeah, that was in his that was in his apartment building Oh, okay. Yeah, I worked chain wallet once he tackled me That's his thing he was a chain wall. That's a joke Yeah, but it got you were a chain wallet. Yeah, I used to wear a chain wallet But it got you got it where I used to wear a chain wallet. Yeah, I did too great way to not lose your wallet I lost my wallet once in New York City. I left it in the back of a cab. It was such a fucking pain I'd rather lose my wallet. I'd rather lose my wallet. What are you gonna call it? What wallet inside chain out there? Bro, the best thing is so corny. So corny These are the record. There's a word anymore. This is these are the best. What are those? It's a like little front zip up wallet for credit cards That's all you need credit cards drivers license all that shit and I got multiple things here I want one of these things so I got any pack bills folder the bills That's a fanny pack. I'm aware. Yeah, don't you block me motherfucker. I wear that I got a same one dice ass That's where oh, that's where I learned about this model That's a fucking beautiful fanny bag is it nice right What'd you get is roots of Canada? I'm like, oh shit. We sell these on higher primate calm. Ah They're legit from roots Good band you scared of fanny packs. I don't know why I don't care for them. They're very convenient You're wearing over the shoulder. So people do now that hip that's cowards. There's two cowards way. Yeah scared You want you want you want the convenience of a fanny pack? But you want to be a little more awkward to wear. Yep, just so that you don't look like you're wearing a fanny pack Yeah, cuz you're a foreigner don't go for it. Don't be a coward. We're a fanny pack. We're right over your dick There you go. Sit right there, right? Keys, you know, I'm supposed to put on your fanny though. Come on. I don't know why they call it a fanny pack But do you know fanny in English is pussy? Yeah Cuz I had a fanny pack pussy pack and they were making fun of me. Would you call it? Yeah Next week I got it's called the fanny guy tour. They were like might might that's a vagina Funny They call it a bum bag over there a bum bag. Yeah, but like fanny pack. Oh, it's called a bum bag I was working the door at the Comedy Store and somebody you know They always make jokes and they come in and it's like they're like you love fags in here. I'm like, yes, whatever And then like I turn back around they were just smoking We shouldn't Tony was there Someone's saying that though, that's like willful ignorance. They got to know that that is a different meaning in the United States Yeah, it's a because it's such a different meaning such a different. It's not only that like everybody knows about that. Yeah for meaning Yeah, that's a big one. Yeah that in the loo the loo. Yeah in the boot Yeah On British speak lift. Yeah, Laurie trunk. Is that elevator? Laurie, I think is a truck. Yeah lift. Yeah We're in a cookie as a cracker the boot is weird What do they call the front hood the bonnet the bonnet? Well also we invented the car so why you changed the names Yeah He's telling tire with a why yeah Why you got a you and color There were no tires I say we perfected it they invented it We're like not bad not bad and then we ran with it They had to go on the other side of the road to those dorks Yeah, put the steering wheel on the other side of the road. That'll fuck you up. I drove on there It's hard. Yeah, didn't matter if you brought you get in a car accident because of that ran over a kid Who is Actor he was getting by Jennifer gray. That's the rumor. No way pull it up Yeah They were dating and now they're done. And so there was Jennifer gray. I think yeah, so there was a job Jennifer. Oh, yeah blow job Wow, she was getting a little bonnet Lorena Bonnet, she's son remember that story that was big news That was a giant story of course it was what was the name? Bonnet no, no, no, he was the one on a plane John Wayne Bobbitt John Wayne He was a running late-night joke for Years Forever every comic had a joke about we might we have to have talked about this I don't think we have I was I'm talking about just the idea of just like you'd never find my dick in that field No way. I don't think it was like I think she just threw it out the window. I know but mine's gone I think she probably threw in a very specific air while they're driving the earbud while you're biking Yeah, I don't know what a dick Airplane seat that well my dick's gone We're never getting that they stowed it back up. You got your phone light out They did the first I think recently they did the first Phoenix penis transplant Let's get it going, but they can't transplant your balls Good because what happened? Left with it. Yeah drove away and left the apartment with the severed appendage and Driving pretty good dick with one hand struggling to steer with one hand who's she's a lady Stopped and called 911 telling them what had happened Wow where it was just found after an exhaustive search and After being washed with antiseptic impact and saline ice it was reattached in the hospital and he did two pornos Yeah, I remember the pornos Produced Frank and penis. Yeah We're just talking about while you pulled that up you can penis Should have going Frank and weenie. What was I just talking about right when we pulled that up? What were you talking? We're talking about something different docking? No, great between there Brittany Griner damn it her dick Find a new ticket afield you think there's penis transplant So they've done the first penis transplant So I'm just dude, but they can't transplant balls because the balls carry your loads forever You would do transplant else your balls carry your DNA. Whoa Yeah, so if the balls like if you transplanted balls you there's an ethical problem Cuz that guy's obviously dead and he's still having kids. He's out. Wow. You're having his kids Also, if you get a dick transplant, you're going black though. No Why would you go black I want what do you mean? Well, you want it to look like yours Imagine if that was a question same I got a two-tone question like what do you want? We need to wait till I was out of the room. I want do you care we could bleach it? She's got the patient testicles after consulting with the bioethics they did Yeah, the sperm generating tissue would confer the potential for having children with genetic material from the donor Wow, keep going. Yeah, keep the guy read it So this is the first one yeah The patient who also lost both legs in the blast to scroll down a little bit. I don't want to I don't want to make You guys notice the doctor did the most on this Making my dick We can go bigger we can't let we can't let nature hold us back Yeah, did you hear about the kid who was born with a giant dong? So they had to get surgery and they've got the dad was like go eight inches So they went down eight get a football shaped dick. Well, and they surgery to down to a aider I Mean it's pretty good. His friends like yeah, my dicks an inch bigger like mother fucker. I'm football Yeah, I don't want that all cock when I was a baby Oh, yeah with the lasers keeping keeping a kid with a giant dicks like the opposite of a boy named Sue Easy life remasculating him. Yeah, this kid was one He learned to walk at nine years old That's the dick Why would they use Is he why sexual organs of a grown man due to rare hormonal condition? I bet that means he's Jack too Any came out of the womb fucking Jack with a giant hog? I bet he fucks great Said he was on on it. Imagine walked in Nursery and he saw one baby with a giant dick trying to fuck the other baby. It was one freak nurse Who's like, I know you're only one and you can't do that. Keep your diaper on don't put that in your mouth Fuck the kids. He's just like looking at you scolding him while he's stroking it. Yeah, nothing comes out. Yeah knuckles up. Yeah Oh imagine the ultrasound lady be like no Dick stuck in there. Oh my god. They can't show the dick because it'll get baby born with three penises makes medical history Wow, that's gotta be a really do that for a while keep the middle one imagine if the mom was like I don't want a big one No, let him keep all three. Give him a normal size. Give him the Hydra. What was it? Give three dicks? Oh, yeah No girls, is that a totally You could put one in the badge one on the be-hole and one can just hang out to off With these organ transplants not bad. Sure. They could make college education. You saw it. No, no, there's no picture But it describes what it is. What is it? One was under the primary of the root under his primary penis the sack Whoa In the tank. Yeah, hit a 10 centimeter long schlong. Did we all picture side to side? I did. Yeah Now if he jizzes do they all just good question one jizz at a time immediately go again immediately go again Yeah, like do you do just the one work? Particularly mysterious a child hadn't been exposed to drugs in the womb and didn't have a family history of genetic aberrations Yeah, right Interesting old parents a lot of weird dicks out there the language used here Yeah, since three really is a digital Horrible whale movie. Yeah, it's what's really post. Oh, they didn't have three really the New York Post is always fucking around It's the best back page go right to sports. I'm always some page six. Yeah The three way is that writer must have been a fucking sixth grade bully, dude. What a B Really? That's a crazy nickname. Did you found someone had three dicks? He called him three willies. That's pretty good Now remember they had chink in the armor that was them No, that was ESPN no, oh yes post ESPN What was it? Jeremy Lin was a Asian basketball player and he was dominating and had chink in the armor was the ESPN headline really yeah I'm just quoting the headline That's crazy quoting me that one ESPN fires employee after offensive Lin headline Wow He said I didn't know I have no idea was not on purpose That is a thing that you would say exactly like there was a player that found a hole in the defense He found a chink in the armor. I would like to hear the phrasing. What do you mean? In the hornets defense you found a chink in the hornets defense. That's a it's an expression. It is a common expression Yeah, tough one on this one. It is a tough one on that one But you could make that mistake and she made that mistake like you say it all the time She said is announced. I don't forgive him. No, he tried to say the Negro Baseball Hall He said it fast with an accent It came out the worst way possible. I will not We've got a great time here we went to the baseball league Hall of Fame Full if you have an accent Yeah, he said it wrong he accidentally said he said it the n-word yeah, not I don't know and we're oh damn See the one in there's a new guy. That's a looks like oh There's a newscaster talking about this guy who had done something like on this long height hike But the amazing thing is that he's gay She said gay instead of blind like oh my god, how do you get the gay from blind though panic? You know how many people when the cameras on them? They're just panicked They don't know what they're saying if you misspeak. It's bad enough to go the amazing thing is that he's house You know that didn't make it sorry about that, but you say that like Sense if you miss be if you say something and as you're saying like this doesn't make sense, but it's cheek in the armor You're like oh Jesus. Yeah Think about that fucking the base the the Hall of Fame the baseball Hall of Fame guy must have been like holy Sh as soon as they fucking went like all right. We're done with that segment just like Yeah No, if best one ever is uh the live they did live feed before the Goes Kansas City Fag capital No, he's not hi everybody he's talking he's talking to the guy with him up in the booth He didn't know it was a hot mic and they were like it was like B roll the stadium before the game You just hear the announcement go fag capital the world and then he gets fired in like the fifth inning Oh, he has an apology. He's like oh, I'm so sorry if you never want to work with me again all this Cassianos it's a home run in the middle of his apologies going to my wife and my kids. I love you deep drive that things out He calls out over he did his job. He went down. He went out doing his job We think happens to a guy like that. He's doing a TV show with Joe list. Oh That's right That blows now he's working a gas digital Is the best The autos let's go He's on autopilot got it doing he's got to do he's been doing this for 30 years Back into it, but he did whatever happened that guy. He's fine. He's gonna show it your list Yeah, for real yeah, I like a minor radio. Yes. Yes. He's going to minor league stadiums Joe's taking batting practice at minor league stadiums He got a jersey for like the Montana. That's right the white. Yeah, they put him in was Joe list have like some baseball fantasy He's a hell of an announcer. Yeah, he's got a great and a good dancer singer, but yeah, but he's like this is my co-host That guy I was like what are the names like? Bag yeah starting. Oh the thing is there's so many people out there. There's so many people out there that could do that job Yeah, you know some are better than others Is the best baseball is tough too because you know it's basically like a podcast cuz it's such a boring fuck Gotta be on Ronnie captivating Yeah That's interesting baseball slow hockey fighting is easy hockey's hard fighting is easy It's all happening right like the excitement is not you talk. Yeah, it's all happening Or so you just have to describe what's going on, but what if they're just kind of circling? But they want to put on the ground. Do you guys have to go? Oh circling so About what he's trying to do like I was trying to set something up like what what do you see in the movement? What do you see in the way there? They're interacting with each other like what patterns do you see you see thousands of fights you see patterns? When someone's starting to set things up You see someone who's pressing someone who's biting on feints you see things But I also see some announcers be like so they talk start talking about his past and how he came up and how he trains Yeah, sometimes you do that and it's all free flow. You know you don't know what you're gonna say. Yeah That's why an ik is the best he's the best that guy Good when you take me those flights, and I see that guy work. It's fucking crazy. It's so much Just the goat He's the first of all this the smoothest he's the the most knowledgeable. He's the best at recall He's the best that he never flubs any of his lines Everything is smooth as fuck. He knows when to get in he knows when to get out He knows when to set you up He's so aware of like if something goes to the ground like DC's explaining wrestling positions He never gets in the way He's just the fucking man and he loves a sport my favorite about him Who's watching him when you guys start the main event broadcast you see him like because it's so loud You guys can't hear each other. He's got an earpiece in they're like He's like we are live from Yeah, well people say like why do you why are you yelling during the broadcast is I can't fucking hear my In the beginning when the UFC is about to go live on pay-per-view It's especially like We're starting All the highlights of like 30 years of crazy If you ever working out you can put that on a loop fucking go they change out the video all the time Great highlights new things is the shit that's out of all the jobs that I have like that one But I fucking never get tired of that no so much best I always get excited that fucking Salt Lake City lineup. I showed you bananas Justin Gagee versus Dustin Poirier. Yeah, my two favorites Shit yeah, the whole fucking card is bananas. That's a big one man. Oh, yeah, that's a big one. What is that? 29 I believe I'm going July 8th Let's go doing shows in Vegas. I texted you this right. Where do you do them? Or if you were doing any if I well if I did a theater I would do that place at the Mirage I like that place a lot. I think I'm doing that That's the one Ron White always does that place is a shit, but last time I did the MGM Grand Arena And that was pretty bad. I'm not gonna do that one Baby surprise, I bet you could I'm gonna do that theater. Yeah, there's another theater that I did too. That's like 4,000 What is that one the one that sort of connected to the MGM that? No, no the other one. There's another one There's a theater like it's a really nice theater. We hold the way ends there sometimes I forget the way in for others No, no no no no no no no no no no it's like this evening something point theater something we've had the That's my park MGM that That's a really good theater. Yeah, it's like was like 4,700 capacity. That's a good one I gotta get back to Vegas, but the Mirage is the shit you can't beat that Mirage that fucking Terry Fadore room is perfect It's like it's angled that's up for you. What do you call it? Is this the card? Osky versus a killer Dracos oh hooker Is the dude that Oh nickel let's go Nicklin dime Jalen Turner versus Dan hookers a great fucking fight. Oh, yeah, we shit. That's a great fight Yeah, well, I'll be there Brandon Moreno versus Pantoja. That's a fucking great fight I'm playing that gig around this that yeah, have you seen you I hear Rodriguez right now One of the wildest motherfuckers that's ever fought an MMA Zaire Rodriguez highlight Yair has some of the craziest kicks He's got this Tae Kwon Do background, but he does all this wild shit He's hit BJ Penn with a 360 roundhouse kick. He's around that one spins 300 BJ towards the end look at this Off the top of the dome he kicked him with the right and then in the air hits him with the left. He's a high Yeah, he's so Dynamic Wow, that's a tall Mexican his striking and is on the ground He's fucking that he finished Josh Emma with a triangle on this last fight on the ground. He's nasty Oh, this is old bro. He is fucking wicked He's wicked and he's really hard to figure out because everything he does is different than anything any look at that Kick behind the back kick kick back that up look at that look at that behind the back swings around Back kick to the supporting leg watch that again look how creative this fucking guy is Nobody does that let me see that again back up look at that behind the back I remind me of something I would do though. He's like you would crush it you should join the This elbow Check this out guys chasing him he does a spinning up What bro up elbow? He's so dynamic see it was that the zombie look at this shit Oh Jumping roundhouse. Oh fuck is this guy's problem. Okay, bro. He's so good For that and off his back. He's fucking nasty with submissions. He's deep does everything that yeah Is a motherfucker Wow and he's a guy that like you know had his ups and downs the UFC He had some fights where he got dominated by wrestlers Where he really he had like you know Frankie Edgar fucked him up. How long is that around the shit? He's been around a while. He's been around a while. He's remember his name He's fairly young because he got into the UFC fairly young. He's famous. He's really good He had like a back and forth with Max Holloway like his down wire Holloway is a beast. Yeah, he was on the 2014 Ultimate fighter yeah here. He won that Real Jewish he threw up once when I was interviewing. Oh, that's your bar neighbors, but he's so good dude this dude so good He's just so different than anybody else And he's a really good grappler too. That's what's crazy It's like usually when guys are that good at striking their submissions aren't top-notch, but he's got he's got everything Mmm. He's not really a wrestler, but he can wrestle but my god his fucking kicking's off the charts Well, he's gone. I look at the distance see in that distance. You're fucked because he's he's that guy's good, too Yeah, he's getting popped. Well. This is the the rise of them So this is how he won the ultimate fighter he won that and then you know you just get to see some highlights from some of his fights But Volkonovski is the baddest motherfucker alive. That's not a fight that fight is incredible That's gonna fight some drove, but Volkonovski is pound for pound number one Volkonovski Yeah, number one. Yeah, he lost to Two here it is Islam Akash of very very close fight barely lost I thought he edged him, but it was a very very good fight And then you look at Volkonovski you know at 145 and he's just unprecedented he storms the game Yeah, dude But back up that fight does it show the 360 roundhouse kick you hit BJ with But look how he does that that round kick to the straight punch in the same motion Like the kick lands and the punch is right behind straight into big brother punch. He's so nasty Finger up the bud Big brother All right call it will ya yeah, jeez Louise That was when BJ went to 145 and BJ at 145 was very depleted It was not a good move for him to get down to that weight class GSP said he was the toughest fighter he's ever fought. Yeah when BJ was 155, but as he got older He tried the lower weight classes You know just tied down with bigger guys and it just his body wasn't the same. He was so good BJ was the motherfucker when he was in his prime Hawaiian But I always say that like you got to look at a guy like in their prime like Mike Tyson in his prime You got to look at them like in their prime and then stop watching. Yeah, you can't look at them when they're deteriorated and say oh Overall all they didn't cuz overall you're correct, but if you want to look at the greatest expression But if you're tired right then you still only look at the primes just look at that part. Yeah I would say the same for comedians. Yep. Yeah, can we really fall off? Can my favorite example that Everyone is killer. Let me tell you some bahovitch at 105 is so fucking scary and for Alex to go right up And Markle's will show cheerio d'alima. That's a great fight to I'd love to kiss my Kevin Holland, that's a fucking great fight to the voice. Holy shit. Wonder boy is the man cool, dude Good scroll back up. So he's funny to go into that one mark. Well hovitch and That I'm going you're gonna love to go. That's a crazy fight cuz you can't fuck up a behovitch that guy throws Let's do a wise guy show and then pop over here that would be a good time. Let's get let's get prayer Is he it's right there, right? It's like prayer Right there, but I would they go three well cuz I don't think they ever really want to make 85 anymore It's absolutely brutal and there's a lot of speculations. So that's why well first of all Israel hit him with the perfect punch. It was perfect. It was perfect. The follow-up was perfect. It was a beautiful knock It was cool spectacular But a lot of people are Speculating that he doesn't take a punch that well because he cut so much weight prayer He'd be better if he walks around way over to a five he walks around like 230 It just seems like they huge it just seemed like they immediately got rid of the idea of a trilogy immediately Yeah, you know, I mean like as soon as the fight ended. They were like, what are you doing next? No, not even a mention of yeah, I never was like no It's one one an MMA. Yeah, it's a Three two right overall. Yeah three two overall anyone You already did some Let's go I'm still trying to wake up from that hangover That's a big fight for pay to go up to 205 and into fight Barovich That's a big test I'm excited about that one Oh So these chocolates were these ones we were eating last time mm-hmm, they're like one careful Vulcan ox. He's funny, too Oh, he's hilarious. Well, can I ask you to the fucking bros Oh to the old shoe drink That a lot Hasn't mean to evas a tie to evas. Oh, yeah, you mean David to it was another one the boxer No, the shoe guy. Yeah, that's you Do a shoey when you're in Australia Bert Christ was saying he got a throat infection from doing shoes and I'll throw That's from blowing dudes. Yeah, I'm going to yeah. Yeah, Australia down under They try to get me to do a shoey when I was there would you do I said no on stage I guess we've also tried to drink a beer out of my shoe. Oh, I tried to drink a beer out of my shoe in a post But you know way I'm like, dude. I'm wearing that. I have to walk around Brand somebody's getting shoes. I don't support that behavior. You know, that's the coolest shit. They do His fight No, no chance I said no they hawk Louise yeah, they Do it You watch to evas to do it vocal. We stand there with him going Yeah, they they hawk Lou geese thick They probably drink milk so they have extra phlegm. That's not that's gayer than jizz is it? Yeah drinking milk from a haka lu Yeah, they spit in your mouth That's less gay Okay, yeah, I think sucking someone's cock and come coming in your mouth is the most gay well Guess in a way you're right coming from a guy who watch people drink come on TV Watch people drink a glass of come and that was bull come yeah donkey donkey donkey You know why cuz it's the cheapest great punk band because don't try to say my anybody So if I put donkey jizz at a lady's vag she won't knock her up my killer Interesting try it imagine if it was one animal that could fuck a person what they never had before and one lady gets pregnant We're like koala and like oh Jesus Christ, so he's like one sperm that actually does work on human eggs flights to Australia quadruple Do it already be hybrids if that was the case Imagine if you just worked on everything like everybody like we have like universal jizz You know like we have a positive blood. I'm just learning it doesn't People they have a positive blood you could donate blood to anybody right if you have universal jizz Yeah, every everybody gets it it just works on every dude's if jizz don't aunt Hills you remember the old Everything's getting old days. I don't know if you guys remember this but they used to do tests on people to see if you could Have kids together Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't think it was real. I don't think it really made sense I think if you're able to do like blood tests on people to see if you should have kids together I remember this heartbreaking to a sex. I'm a not only that I don't even think it's real no I don't think it works like if it's safe for you to have kids together There was some thing that they did. I think it was just nonsense. It's weird. Oh incest. I just vaguely remember that when I was a kid See you find what that is. I was gonna get a weird camp counselor tests, but I don't know if that's what they were doing No, they definitely weren't doing genetics. How old were you that you knew about this? I remember hearing about it when I was like 10 or something like that Oh, what the fuck is hanging out with weirdos have fishing the guy when you're fishing strange people Oh, yeah That guy the Hoover salesman from different strokes You can't get pregnant do that guy He's trying to give you the trout he's a big fella to salmon Hey, we should go fishing It was so fun we went salmon fishing we have a black I'd love to do we could eat it after yeah, it was fun. Yeah, it was the mosquitoes were insane Alaska yeah, they're crazy. Yeah, like we had spray here. We had 2014 maybe we had bug spray and look at that northern pike eat another northern pike Wow It looks like it to Wow look at that is that the picture of Ari salmon click on it Oh, is that right that can't be what it is. No these you go to Instagram. It's the actual cat picture Somebody else stuck that in there. That's it 13 2010 years ago, brother Since then it was so nice Moose Eagles that was my first time seeing eagle in the wild Like hands out you not even hide them anymore I agree with you. There's nothing I feel like you should be the new spokesperson. You could turn this motherfucker around They better hurry up and give me some money or moose start drinking Coors like we were talking about the ways They could turn around last night remember Yeah, what is it? It was an idea that if they did it their stock would go through the roof But the country would actually yeah, it would start start off The most innocuous one I had was Pepe the Frog holding a bud light and says feels bad, man Yeah, and Pepe just just released that people would look Turns full heel like Hulk Hogan did yeah I Love it already have the frog stuff. They could Did that fucking poor dude his cart the guy was like this little liberal fella be funny as a frog Gonna use it. He tried to kill off his frogs. They're gonna stop using it. Oh, yeah Draw if you go to truth so social how many frog avatars are there? It's a quite a few It has to be right. I've never gone. Would it be where would you get the most frog? It would be a 4chan thing. Yeah more than anything, right? Random image and just saying this now means this yeah, and it doesn't but that just like this this one was the greatest Okay, I was Arabic. You know about that one. That was insane. That one's insane. Which one just getting everybody And that guy got fired that truck driver is Like doing it I'm seeing guy was like hey you took a photo and they they start showing like they start showing Steph Curry doing this Like wait hold on A lot of guys told me that if you do that on your pants someone looks They hit you in the picture. Yeah, yeah Bro he got a clean shot off you punch buggy. Come on. I didn't look so rude. I didn't look I'll review the tape I'm gonna punch you too hard my bad lightly turned conversational manner in your direction Jamie can you read the tape right now? I can't do it the camera. I think that was it I was what it what do you to reflect your dude? I don't even know what's down there who did that? Yeah, when did that start? I never was around What's the capital of Thailand what get him I Was your question being that McCuskey been working on this one when you're when you had a when you're ordering dinner and the Waiter comes over. It's like what would you like for dinner? You go? I'd like a hot dog And you sexually assault the waiter Like a hot dog, he's got three bucks an hour and now this Cuz he still wants you to tip him. Yeah Oh, right guys. No, I told you I got no I got Adam with it last night my dad This is one of the most uncomfortable things that's ever had we were we had a fucking restaurant and we're talking to the hostess This was like a very cute girl And I was I was talking to her a little my dad came over and goes Shane you see where the horse bit me Hey, you like this I go To look over the shoulder You go dude, look how fucking summer I am Gonna touch bots and groups girls get mad at each other give each other vag grab. Oh, hey fucking can it's disgusting. Is it? Grab your dicks. Okay. What's his in the wild? Oh in the wool Say when you're out walking around you touch one of those things. Oh my god, it's very it's like seafood. Yeah I like them. I like pussies too. Okay This is one guy that I knew was gay and he was gay Jamie everybody news guy I mean he's a great guy but he told me the story about making out with this girl in a club and The way I described to my friends is like if I if you told me all the words in French But I didn't know what they meant and I said them even though I said them, right? Yeah, I'd be like something's wrong Yeah, sorry and just just look to me and just Start fucking making out the middle of the club It was so hot kissing like I don't I don't think this happens, sir. Yeah He's doing it. I should have what he's overheard. I support the gay community. You don't have to do this to me. Yeah It's fine, man. It's fine. You don't have to do this. You're gay fucking rules, bro The saddest shit ever those gay guys that are in the closet. It's no you that does suck Ari because they can't they just fucking they've been Yeah To it it's it's nutty Kevin Meany wait till dad Wow Imagine who's this? He was You could light a cigarette off of that dude Yeah He was awesome what he was what he get a Ron and Fez was great I used to love them Well, they came out to own a and it was like wait, what's this now? And Ron was a great like he was a real fan of comedy Fucking good comic too. He does the seller old-time. He's killer. I didn't even know he was a cop. Yeah Hilarious New York when they tore down the stand Because the built a whole building sold at Stan was like we have a five-year contract like they're biased out It's the only way and then they eventually tore it down. He goes. Yeah, so fucking rich people live higher in the clouds Yeah, Ron has like it I'm gonna fuck it up and I'm gonna make it not that funny But it's a joke. I think it's one of those jokes. I think about constantly. I Ron has a joke about He was walking down the street in a crane in New York collapsed and almost felt like almost hit him He had to like run and he's like New York's so fucking crazy that I forgot that happened And then I was at home watching the news with his wife. He was with his wife or I don't know if he's married But he was like, oh shit. That was I was there He had one he had one it's just about like somebody called and was like hey you haven't been fun He all morning and his response. He just goes so Conversation Ron Bennington's unmasked with Patrice O'Neill is unreal to best Norton I Everything I did on pocket casting was just mimicked off that yeah great broadcaster. Yeah, isn't that interesting? Like what podcasting is now is like what that was? Yeah It's on math. There's an unusual thing. Yeah an unusual thing to sit down just talk to someone one-on-one And as a young comic there was none of that on comedy CDs I used to listen that was like Woody Allen Seinfeld and now young comics have so much It's like a wealth that never ends for masters Oh Yeah, there's so much more going on so much more watch too that's the most amazing thing Well, it was hard to like get out get a hold of a good VHS back there. Yeah You had to loan CDs to each other. Yeah, I see the if somebody you're like, let me have that I never even saw comedy. Yeah, right only only listen. I never my dad I started the first two specials I remember was dank hook and Carlos Mencia's Comedy Central presents easy And I remember sitting there going goddamn this these are this is it that's the top of the mountain never saw shit Hmm. Yeah Comedy Central put a lot of stuff on for like people didn't have HBO. Yeah My Comedy Central special on 2014 the idea was like if I did it anywhere else we'd get less people to see it Yeah more people to see that's crazy. Comedy Central is huge back. It was huge. I watched all those art Benson how did they fuck that up? Is not happening Got rid of our Asia fear there was a host of this is not happening And they got a very good He got a superior deal at Netflix and they wouldn't allow him to get it was nuts They were like they lost their fuck. You were saying sometimes Jews hate Jews true They didn't run that company. I said it was run by Norwegians. Yeah We were trying to figure out you were gonna pay everybody. Yeah, that was really what we're trying to figure out how to They were trying to hold it off my head They were going they were going like we're gonna fire everybody on your whole crew that's been around for five years We're gonna fire them with two weeks out. Good luck paying their rent. Yeah, or you fucking That way yeah Jesus or you comply and you fucking turn on us Netflix deal and Yeah, I was like no fucking way what yeah Rogan was like all hosted episode for free Wow, I hope you I was like, okay You were gonna do on Tom. Yeah, I said We'll get a bunch of people that are your friends will host him for free. They go. No, they were so mad Wow They went full They just yeah, they're collapsed. What are you doing? No, nothing you watch the That's the office studio. I mean if you looked at the drop-off of You think about they had Chappelle show yeah South Park and man The only thing that keeps him alive I think they're more I think they're just a studio HBO man They take their stuff and sell it off. Yeah, I Was gigantic what happened at Tosh? What's he doing? He's around. He's so funny. Are you sure? He's an underrated most underrated solid comic Is he doing stand because he's so no for the show that people I don't know. I don't know I think that rape thing fucked him up. No The joke was great. Oh, yeah, but I had a joke about that too About his thing. Yeah, but the cancel thing that was 2014. Yeah, really. Yeah, I feel like he fell off after that There was a petition to get him fired He's being on the road fucking sold out place. What the fuck? He's doing the Mirage. Yeah, there you go. All right. Good for Tosh. He's still killing it That was one I listened to constantly That was like when I was in college when he was did great, right? I was just listening to all of his albums same he was so good He has a new spell not new but it knew his latest. Yeah, it was great. It's great. But no one talked me It was on Comedy Central. That's why it's called Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like Roy wood They like they locked him up in this deal and then and then the whole thing collapsed and he's like it's like still like I Guess I'm still support for the World Trade Center, right? You didn't have a deal to do a special there you had it didn't have no exclusive deal that was so insidious about it You were you had the option to go other places you do whatever I wanted Exactly, and they're like no way and then they would they said uh, I was like guys it'll bring more viewers to the show Oh, they go we think it'll be more our show bring more viewers to Netflix, which at the time All of them work at Netflix now by the way, yeah some of them do They all get to they just get to pack like they go somewhere else. Exactly Working comedy. Yeah, exactly. They go to some of you know, I should have done I didn't do it what I should have done is I have access to a giant platform I'm just gonna go and publicly say to the public. I guess that's how you say it They're like hey, they're doing this. What do you guys think? Mmm? Yeah Quiet yeah, I should have like gone wild with it. Yeah, well you were still trying to salvage it I was gonna pay everybody. I was like sweet. Let's just I'll sell it. Oh, I was gonna borrow like a bunch of money from you Why would he give it to you? I'm like And then just pay all these employees Yeah, like no we're still I'm still doing my yeah, we talked about that. I was totally willing to do that We're just gonna pay him off. Yeah, you were the first guy to do the you didn't get hired Then you got a bunch of views on YouTube then you got hired. Yeah, that's right Yeah, I you go around the system to get Norman on they would like that where you can't find anybody out Yeah, I was like Norman. Can you just plan a trip to LA and I really hire like yeah, okay I also fucked the makeup girl. Hey That one stripper really liked you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well she was you're a handsome devil But then they goddamn they gotta hang out with you. That's tough The pack smaller after we criticized them you see it got through to him Well, I got made fun of on the road. We were like pull out the joke book and they would all die laughing Okay, that's way To please let him see it the wallet Fuck is in your wallet What is in there Jesus Christ? Well the hookers in a bunch of get a money clip, huh, you know money clip is I know what it is But keep it in your front pocket. What am I gay? Hey, come on? I can't do a money cut a point Thank you Unless you got a monocle Right money clip really is rubber band. No, I got three more these I got a free smoothie I can't Yeah Three-hole punch Was a 999 I go to the same coffee shop every day and I don't do a punch card because I'm like why I'd feel worse Going could you punch my card? $5 on the 10th one All right, you got a breadsticks do you use those oh no Norman is way juicier than anyone, you know, you can hear the of crazy Today we got lunch me and Mark got lunch. I had three French fries left The guy came to take and he goes no, no, no, he ate three of my French fries Yeah, let those go those are truffle. We're Bonnaroo. We're staying late because they were like drove everybody home Norman was off doing a Norman adventure comes back at like 1 a.m. There's a staff party crawfish boil whatever It was over four hours ago. He comes back. I got the craziest thing to tell you You can't let that go to waste yeah, you're fucked up. Good. He never changed We know how food in my house as a child that camp dude you guys had food We didn't have food in a vat Apparated milk or powdered milk looking in the wrong drawer. Yeah, wait, this isn't the fucking this is 2005 what are you talking about? What do you mean? It was poor You were that poor from the 30s 2005. I was in college. All right, but I never Mac rated milk. Yeah, is that me? I mean we had it about we had powder Supes. Yes, we had a lot of girl a chunky. Yeah, you're talking about powdered milk, right? Yeah What was I saying powdered milk? I said a bread milk You'd get powdered milk. Yeah people had it. I remember growing up having it water to it. Yeah tap water to it Yeah, pretty rough. You just drinking fluoride and powdered milk calcium Drink tap water. Well, you should absolutely filter your tap Yeah, say it's so safe. I that's my least favorite thing about New York people saying tap water I guess the tap water. It's the best tap water. You good fucking tap water and they do that Pipes get a Brita. Yeah, get a filter. We had lead pipes. They just got them up really Poisoning yeah, we had lead pipes. Yeah, if you turn your son and Brown comes out like what are you talking about? It's the I don't see the pipes maybe the water's fine. They used to use lead paint until they realized kids were getting really stupid No, what's going on here? Oh, yeah, that was the original autism Yeah Lead paint we used to tell kids are you hate paint? Yeah, right Paint chips as a kid. Yeah, Tommy boy. That was a thing man. Let paint really? Yeah, let paint Do you know that lead gasoline before they made unleaded gasoline lowered everyone's IQ in cities? Lead poison hand like literal lead poisoning from the sky send it in China Wow, those cars were disgusting a lot. They had no fucking no protection They would put up blue fucking powder fumes out of it Breathe in it you're breathing in hey, is that that yeah, that's the lead paint doing the bell You would you would breathe in lead see we can find that like lowered IQ here It is lead exposure in last century shank shank IQ scores of half of Americans Letted gasoline calculation to have stolen over 800 million cumulative IQ points since the 1940s. Holy hell A lot of the great old artists died of lead poisoning Led Zeppelin lead was the first additive to gasoline to help cars engine healthy However, automotive health came at a great expense of her own well-being When did that happen when they switched to unleaded? Because I seem to remember it like when I was in high school if you had a muscle car you wanted to get leaded gas Oh really? Yeah, I'm gets lead lead related Now to get a leaded car Faster aging of the brain leaded gas for cars has banned the US in 1996 Wow pretty late. That's late 1990s. Yeah, but researchers say that anyone born before the end of that era and especially those the peak of its use in the 1960s That's me and the 1970s had concernably Conserningly high level high lead exposures as children That's me, bro. That's why you have patients. It's one nerds. Yeah with dorks. Yeah from dorks. Yeah lead exposure Mmm Tough times and that fucked I could've been way smarter shit. I think they'll do that with a achievement I Smarter delicious you think they'll do that with the internet at some point for sure Everybody's killing these girls are killing so there was depressed Yeah, it's Graham. Yeah, it's been a big Factor and self-harm for for kids. I know if you look at the invention of social media on there's a giant spike There's a great book about it lack of privacy Seeing your friends doing better thing. Are you done by it to sing pictures of the parties you weren't invited to Later, yeah, no, it's fucking crazy if you really think about it Like imagine like because those filters like tick-tock my daughter was complaining about yesterday They don't show your real face. They put a filter on automatically Yeah, like when you do stuff on tick-tock it changes the way your face looks it smooths out your skin Oh, yeah makes you look prettier And so everybody's comparing what they see in the mirror to what they see on it's a prom version of other people like shit Yeah, but I thought big was beautiful Yeah, everyone has this fake old la kind of stripper faith like it's all like devoid of Character do I see a guy use those filter? Oh Immediately dismiss everything you say yeah, it's a cigarette you're wearing you're wearing a filter Yeah, I mean you're doing your selfies you're taking pictures putting makeup on but it's worse. It's very nice. Yes You're you're hiding. This is fake. It's when you see people do it. Like what are you doing? Do you not know that everybody knows that that's so crazy. That's why it's like having giant fake eyelashes Everybody knows right like what are you doing? This is insane. It doesn't look good. It looks crazy Well, you've got a filter on your face It's like a cartoon you look like a cartoon video like it looks good It is like those people who like get plastic surgery like it looks fine. Everyone else like no way they all look crazy Well, the thing is like some plastic surgery looks good. I've seen some women I'll go on for that. They'll I get jowls or hanging in their eyelids and then they get tucked up nice Not crazy, but I'm not and they look way better. Yeah, there's guys out there that are masters But then there's monsters one step down filler monsters, but why these millionaires get bad surgery? I don't think we can do what you're asking like just try it. They gotta do it. Yeah, that's one guy You never hear bragging Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon That guy was like I'll do it but you can't tell anybody I think the opposite of the Kardashian surgery goes right the Kardashians all have great surgery very nice. Well, you look at what they did like they shaped their fucking skulls I mean Bruce Jackson is a great surgeon Very nice like you look at what they did like they shaped their fucking skulls Bruce Jenner looks great The Jenner's the kids they shaped her skull really Kids do like Caitlin or although the little one Photos of her before and after it's like wait is Caitlin the way reasons the girl that was a guy Bruce Bruce Okay, so Kendall. She's the hottest. She's the one dating the trample guy. Yeah He's an Astro guy people get surgery on their fucking jaws That's why I was trimmed down to narrow their face didn't Dylan Mulvaney your favorite Bud Light drinker Didn't that person do that? I think they got feminizing surgery. Oh, I don't know who that is. Oh It's a kid Kid rocks arch enemy. Can I ask what happened with that thing? Because I never saw a single Bud Light can I just heard about it all I own one you do really? I got one with how where from where eBay you have to order it Oh, it was not cheap, but I think it's gonna go way up. Oh, yeah This is demise of the company someone from course is gonna buy that for you for a million dollars bring it on course Everlasting gops effort my dogecoin I mean they made everybody else make more money and they've lost like some insane amount like something like in the 20 plus percent of sales Six billion so crazy. And so what did they they wanted to go all? faces on these cans Sent one. Yeah, Dylan Mulvaney Canned cuz they were like, oh, this is a viral person. It was just like It's like is it like sending you a Phillies Gillis shirt? Yes Jersey. Yes. Yes. It was a year of being a woman Here's your reward gender fluid. And so why does everyone care that much cuz it's funny. It is funny It's something to do. It's funny. If you order a Bud Light people go. Yeah, what is it you period? It's yeah, it's hard. I'm sorry out here. I read that The bar owners are stopping they won't carry it because people who want it and buy it are getting attacked Jesus Order a Bud Light at a bar and someone's like What are you doing when you go to bars now, dude, I stand Look at this. No one's gonna beat up somebody for supporting trans in New York, but on stage on stage Yeah, what tough? Yeah bringing a Bud Light on stage now you're gonna somebody's gonna yell. Yeah It's gonna be a subject you gotta get the draft is the text edition Nice, yeah, well they're gonna sell camo Bud Lights now Bro show a dead Arab The dick Yeah camo I Like that that's fun. I Don't know it's all it's not it's a non thing but it became a joke and that's Tough to overcome marketing wise it's tough to it's It'll be forgotten in a month no no Really you'll make a joke on stage be like what no no no you guys are crazy dude you guys are crazy It's gonna hang in there for a long time This is gonna be one of them cultural things. It's there's never been a brand that got hit like this before They'll be back. This is a big deal. There's some titty titty shots. You think so Remember that lady saying that we got to get away from the fratty Sense of humor was more inclusive Yeah, yeah, she's out well, they're gonna be fired and it's real hard to argue with that one she works at Comedy Central I Swear to God though they're gonna get they'll be saved this month every single company on earth is gonna do a commercial all of them They've already done it Miller light star Ford Raptor did a gay commercial. I saw Raptor. Yeah the tree the running tough Yeah, and they did it because one poster this show markets a really like far more II lesbians One poster did it because the one guy wrote a homophobic comment One of the Bud Light Raptor Ranger trucks don't regret that so they came up with this fucking whole campaign to counter that This is it. Hey, that's a good-looking truck very gay Raptor. What is it literally like? Scroll scroll up so I can see the top of the top the Forwards redefining tough rainbow Raptor commercial goes viral Sparks online backlash everything's bare line backlash, but barely barely These journalists gonna like actually read the story and not like the small percentage back That's the Raptor Ranger, isn't it? Mmm. Is that the Raptor Ranger? It's a good truck I think the Raptor Rangers the smaller one and I think that's where somebody said something like the rap. Yeah Okay. Yeah Ranger Raptor. That's what it is. So someone said something. Oh, it's the gay Raptor cuz it's the smaller Raptor Morons true who's right and so they actually painted it in gay colors Number one fan No one's not gonna buy Raptor shut the fuck up. Yeah, that's a cool shit. Yeah, I had one of those But why do these companies feel like they have to do it cuz to me it's just unoriginal I feel like they're doing it for a small percentage online like media for whatever and then people like oh, let's get that and push that other Place I know the answer what it's the women they're hiring. Yeah chicks from college They're like, oh we need to hire women in our company Who's what are the who's going to college to study marketing? Fucking college chicks will get them in and then they right away They just fucking but why does a woman won't work at Ford? Anywhere she's in the fucking factory It's not like she loves Ford people marketing people don't get a job at tampons because they love tampons Yeah, we'll work at Geico don't love. Yeah, it's just we think about that because that's what we do. We do what we love ah Yeah, he's lucky. He's lucky. Most people live and suck most people get drunk with their friends at work This is a job what we're doing is a job It's funny the difference between the the people the Venn diagram of dudes who get drunk at work with their friends It's like us and then it's like Barbage man About the couple that got beat up it says is all articles What that says a couple was beat up for a ledgily purchasing Oh, that's happened in Canada, but they allegedly beat up. They said allegedly purchasing There's no there's no evidence and anything I'm reading that says that they even had Bud Light they did not they were mistakenly were Picked out of a crowd apparently those the guy the paint hoppers Silver painter on his face beat him up Out of his fucking mind But light so this story went wild it's still I think this is the only case I could find where this happened It might have happened somewhere else probably a douchebag that wanted to go beat up somebody for buying Bud Light Nobody was buying it so they found the skills the next best thing which is Canadians It's like we're you know the Indians at the 9-11 Canadians like they'll buy but most of blues Bud Light. It's mostly blue Actually, no sir Strong though, right It's a higher percentage of alcohol Canadians drink Where's to advise all the people listening don't try to keep up with the Canadian or shingles Either or either or I'm struggling those mushrooms are you really you feel so getting involved. Yeah They're fully involved. Maybe I'll take a half. He like you did Stem oh what stems negative? Stem cells eat the other half of that chocolate again. I'm just you're waving. I mean he ate it 165 170 That's all you back time. Yeah Are you why are you sizing them up? Just money? Oh you want to go? I think that's like a try to go with them alcohol is more like weight. I don't think mushrooms are yeah mushrooms takes it Oh body doesn't matter. Oh, it is. I'm sure oh boy. I mean bloodstream body mass. It's going it's getting absorbed It's going through your stomach. I feel like some guys bigger Hits them hard smaller hits them hard. Yeah Well also they're inconsistent. They're inconsistent. Oh, yeah Intensity of psychedelic experience after taking psilocybin does not depend on body mass index Interesting so what's it depend on childhood? I would assume that every time that you eat They have dosages that are different for children with medication because you eat and swallow and your body's different Yeah, I would imagine that would be the same everything I would imagine it would be this thing with everything. It's certainly with alcohol. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah alcohol for sure, right? Yeah, big yeah, yeah, they can take it. Yeah Yeah, it's a Weed it's not though, right? No, we'd say you ever meet a guy who can't get high I can't oh You mean not able to get yeah, it's like Jamie can't get high off edibles what? Have you ever had a pizza with it Jamie has this crazy thing where he could eat like a thousand milligrams? Okay? You can't get once I mean and just I get to say what didn't feel a thing off of that is That's a stretch, but like I didn't feel what the fuck you should a thousand programs you should be done Yeah, it's your obliterated a thousand milligrams like you don't know how to turn your car. Yeah Yeah, got me once he gave me a 25 milligram edible, and I was like all right This is far than I want to go what I'm doing your podcast so like fine Yeah, and then I like you ever have something nagging at you And I was like that fucking 25 was crooked and then I went over to it peeled it off was 250 No ten times a stretch oh no Yeah, how do you feel? Yeah, he broke on a slinger. Yeah, really broke on bro going yeah, whoa Owen like legitimately was never the same person Yeah from that moment. Yeah, legitimately. What'd you do with that 250 after you would you do the rest of the day? I mean I was gone there How long is the podcast Paco's two hours then this thing was like I'm out see you guys I probably drove home Honest I probably eventually drove home, but I might stay with Lee for a while at least two hours You're out of the void and you're back on earth after about two hours. No that boy is bad I hate that voice those breath strips. That was the whole six hours at UFC. Oh, that's a half of one Nightmare, that's one thing. I don't do ever never did the FCI Ever you shouldn't know you should do I did not work it you should come in the sea Oh, I've done that when it was in Austin. I was high as fuck. I see it in Austin was great I love going to watch the really best place for me to watch my favorite place to watch is the apex I was the apex center is a small arena that the UFC built in in Vegas for their Tuesday night contender series the Dana series and for the ultimate fighter and for all so it's a smaller cage And there's only a hollow cage. Yes. The cage is like 40% smaller kids. There's only a hundred people in the fucking room It's amazing the pearl used to be dude. I saw a steep a miyocha fights Francis and gone Was crazy during the pandemic. Yeah, crazy the one he won or lost late the one he won It was a destruction Yeah, it was like the finest performance of Francis career because he was patient and just moving forward and just oh Just a systematic destruction. It's amazing fight, but we could play it because it's crazy There's no one there. Well, there's no one that you don't hear an audience here and scream. It's cold nuts. Yes Oh shit, dude. I feel so lucky to have been there during cool. Like I always feel lucky He's the only sport going on see but to be there during kovat Like I'm the only one here like it was just me and DC and anac and the people that work the the production We're just sitting there like this is crazy. We're watching Justin Gaethje versus Tony Ferguson Arena an arena At all Musicians It was incredible it was incredible because you can hear every impact You could hear them breathing. You could hear them talking here you guys they could hear me a hundred They could hear like guys were chasing it. Yeah, I say like what he used to do is put his left foot down It should be on the inside. Yeah, like a fucking jujitsu. Exactly. Yeah, they were like you guys guys like listen He goes. Yep, that would work. Listen. Listen it was this he had the bad hair. Listen, there's no audience. Look at the arts These were weird times There's no one there this is the heavyweight championship of the world. It's in a small cage, which is terrible for steep a Why are they making a smaller cage because they do it for all the fights there. It's a smaller arena. That's not good We had a smaller cage that we use for the ultimate fire back at the palm Well, we had fights at the palm and the pearl the pearl at the palm right the palm casino Why is that bad for stupid because you got to get away from that guy sometimes? Anytime you can't move backwards because there's a cage there Yeah, you got to get away from that guy from where he beats Francis is so destructive. He's so terrifying It's still one-in-one though, right? They never did a right tiebreaker. This is it's one-in-one, right? This was this was this was this was you seeing Francis trained by Extreme couture now, so he's with Eric Nixik. Who's like a really intelligent very Very good trainer, and he's got him very patient and he's not just charging in like he did in the first fight He's like picking him apart, so he's chopping at his legs Well, I'm just talking there about the smaller octagon damn. Yeah, you can't be on mushrooms for this Yes a lot. Yeah, but to be there live man three people in there no crowd. It was fucking incredible Yes, deep. They should have gotten a haircut 30% smaller All right Yeah, boy's a tough guy dangerous Anna fireman look at those Steepays an animal animal successful heavyweight champion of all time you think yes 100% He goes he goes down the record books is the guy who defended the title the most ever. He's a fucking animal He's beating everybody Wow, but you know You get time catches up to you wars catch up to you, and then Francis who's a fucking monster Ready yeah, that was coming now Francis has takedown defense look at this defense And then Francis spins around gets his back wow so this is Francis now that can grapple and he takes a See Francis After the first stipe fight he really really really evolved he evolved every aspect of his game And he evolved his grappling and he beats zero gone grappling with one fucking knee man His knee was destroyed, and he beat one of the most dangerous heavyweight contenders and serial gun Francis like right now It's a big loss in my mind like him going over to the PFL. It really bums me out I understand it. I'm happy he's gonna get paid. I'm happy he's gonna get the box But I loved watching this guy fighting the UFC he was a fucking monster In 60 seconds He was so good dude, and he is so good wow it's gonna be interesting. I just don't know So that anyway go to the end of it just so you throw gone baby gone that was a I'm on mushroom if you were eating out of it here's the end of it I'm eating edibles here who would you rather fuck yeah? This is which round now. This is the second round this way stop them Old herb Dean Damn how does he take He's throwing them back oh that hurt I can't watch It shows training the training was good Imagine comedians head coaches would be so much better better. Hey Go to exactly Which of that show Joe should have gone that joke don't don't don't that ladies gonna stop guys do that Yeah, they kind of hire people to work their material with them Yeah, but Chris Rock always did that he would do his sets and have a group of guys that he paid to go But I mean on stage if you freeze a coach It would help fuck it it would help if you sucked if one person don't Figure out what to do, but also So like the what the Chris Rock strategy is a very good idea like to just do your sets do your material But then have guys that you can bounce stuff off of right right that's why I kind of all do that Anyway, right exactly we were doing it last night where I was talking about the cult Yeah, like we do that all the time, you know, I know it goes past each other. He's an arena guy I'm not gonna say who he has ten writers in the green room after show they've all go in the green room They punch him up they work on stuff Any still sucks. Well, so I'm like what's going on there? Well, imagine how bad he would suck if he didn't do that Yeah, it's true, but he was good. That's the weird thing. He started out You have to be good beginning right to make it you have to break through. We'll talk later. I want to know No, I'll tell you later Let's pause it right now. Pause it. Who is it? Kicked Yeah, isn't that beautiful place to be though? Yeah, it was a lot now. Come on, dude. Don't do that. You're 45 Don't please don't do that Isn't it a beautiful place to be like right there no No, I'm gonna have there's so many people in the lineup I started yawning. I was like, oh boy I'm high And you could taste it in the tongue, you know, like you got that mushroom mouth boy They don't know where the yawns come from. I've looked that up really? Yeah, there's a bunch of theories. No one's got a successful Legitimate science. You know, I put a man in the moon, but they can't figure out what the mushroom That would be my absolute favorite thing if we found out that was fake Fuck big you would love that big foot fuck UFOs. Just tell me they never landed on the moon No, we need that space program. Yeah, we do. I hope it's real. You don't want them to have gone I don't know why I wanted to because I think it's fun 15 years saying I don't think we did Also, that's hoax. They haven't been back. We haven't been back. Is that right? Why have we why hasn't everyone been there? Not not just haven't been back. We haven't even gone into space like that We only gone to near Earth orbit all the trips since the moon landings all that has been inside of and no other country I there's no other country. No one's doing interesting. They send probes there, but also it's very dangerous Dangerous they did it supposedly did it seven times six successfully, you know, Paul 13 was the one that didn't make it Russia Did I went over this for a decade? Yeah with a fine-tooth come watch all the videos I watch all the film footage. There's some look at the shadows. Hey Shit, they jump they come right down real fast. I'm glad I look around for those conversations. There's a lot of like Radio after you've heard a story 75 times That's why I get good at things I obsess I'm sorry, I'm you get out of here do That one is my absolute favorite aliens. I think I take aliens over that honestly now that I think about it I want aliens to be real more than I want us to not have gone. You think you're closer to the moon one though Hey, it's definitely real. No, I think it's a real but they're in the kitchen Did you see evidence white did you see the the new footage his new footage of Jeremy Corbell leaked? There's a 2021 there was a bell that covered over an Air Force base Show the pictures of the UFO These guys 50 guys observed this thing The corbell chili or Mel oh There you go. I was like am I missing that Cultural reference of the model where I'm not sure which a cool is it this like cuz there's articles about them from recent Security guys just yeah, they just came out like a day ago Instagram that's definitely So whatever this thing is it's they've got 50 different people I think he actually released photos of it pull it up. Jmo. Does it what about? I Read lights up a billion miles away. That's why it's fun Evidence then you would be all in fair. I don't want to be all in I like to be like half in Hey, look at that back. I think that's here. That's it. We see weaponized. That's the craft. That's it. Mmm So okay, so it's a video. So this thing what this thing is they Photographed it. It's half of a football field size and it was hover over hovering over this military base And then it just disappeared just jet it off Interesting 50 people saw it 50. Yeah, who are these people? I'm some military guys. Who are these people? It's the whole thing is it's the most exciting thing to me. It's the most fun At all the shit that I like to concentrate on you think they would have been here I ate the crap but when the flares got close to UFO vanished into thin air That's probably just a jetliner They used magic Oh what never thought of the fucking CNN that was Tell you that's nothing I mean vanishing the thin air You you're dreaming it probably just shot off an insane rate of speed like they always do I Love a full invasion. How about like us? We go camping. We're doing mushrooms aliens land. I'm dying for a probe Put it up my ass Don't think they do that anymore. I think that's like ported phones We have MRI eyes why the fuck does an alien need a finger in your ass good point good point Yeah, just for fun true something to go tell the friends back at the farm. Yeah All these guys that say they got probed were definitely just sexually assaulted. Yeah Fucking alien got in there some fucking lumber Forest in the gate bar and they're fucking Somehow they're connected This guy was on my podcast yeah, this is the dude Travis Walton from that movie fire in the sky There's that movie fire and yeah, it looks like the my That guy there's a bunch of witnesses. They saw him get hit with some sort of a beam. They saw a craft land They were loggers this guy jumps out. He's a crazy fucking logger dude jumps out What the fuck is it goes running towards it and he gets hit with his beam. He falls down. They drive off They get like you know half a mile down the road, and they're screaming at each other. We got to go back We got to go back so they turn around and go back they go back to the spot, and he's gone Five days later the guy shows up with this crazy story He shows up it makes a phone call he calls the police calls his family He said he got abducted by that craft and they fixed him They said his body was broken what beam and they took him aboard and he had these encounters And there was a movie called fire in the sky That's a the movies obviously you know they took a lot of liberties with the story Wow Was it DB Cooper is that the guy who's in it? I know that's a different guy. Yeah, DB Sweeney Yeah, the money they don't know that guy's a badass guy fucking died of me Two broken legs eaten by dogs With no parachutes he survived I guess This is the best the cows that lose all their skin. Oh no no no you talking about cattle mutilation Yes, yeah, they don't know what no Turn them inside out they cut organs out with like laser precision They remove the blood from the body with no stupid method as what no Weird stuff that does happen to cows what about those images appear in the Acropolis I think people Gave up on angles Dudes were doing it well definitely dudes were doing it yeah, yeah, but also some of them were a little more interesting Yes, I'm a Say like they had there was a way that you could do these things, but it's very clear when someone did it that way Yeah, crop circles were made Intricate patterns carved in fields across England the 1980s were a viral phenomena long before the interest fed us such prankster Curiosities daily yeah what these the people that believe that some of them are they have something else to them But what about the cows because that they would One drop not one drop of blood cattle mystery mutilator That's that's the weird one just sounds like faulty reporting when they found the cow People have done things each body parts precisely removed like someone is someone has cut the organs out of that cow a weird Now if it was a person that's doing it, but yeah, the way they're doing it is very unusual no blood come on Yeah, I mean. I don't know why the fuck aliens would do that doesn't make any sense, but it does make sense They're weird they want stuff they want to learn a lot of people lean towards humans So why would they do that the same reason that fucking alien would but why no blood you want to add a cow blood? And why would an alien want cow blood? Learn about our crew You gotta start somewhere It was demons, but they couldn't quite they couldn't quite They didn't have the authority to go after people yet So they let them have a few cows every now and then just to keep it out They live for thousands of years these demons and they have to they really just want to torture They got a nice and got them and suck their blood out and leave their fucking little nice carcasses Dude yeah, we're blaming it on aliens when it's demons just demons Practicing like okay. Go take a cow you fucking freaks Just go practice for what they're gonna do to us once they get the green light once people are like too bad use ably evil Yeah, once there's just like every like hey Every country is rolled by evil dictators Well like probably that close back a little more sodomy a little more unleashed Then we find out that Satan's real Sudden Gamora get some good comments after this one the same one is real people Going rights reports of catamutalations began in 1973 mostly in the West and Midwest It was often small-scale ranchers who reported them when local law enforcement agencies investigated They frequently found that the cows ears eyes Rectums and sex organs had been cut away with surgical precision According to the newspaper reports more than ten thousand of the incidents occurred by the end of the decade demons Bring up to bakar. They just have to practice every now and then demon way and they want to they want to do it to people But but God won't let him yet. Yeah, right. It's just they need these Jesus Christ, dude You're a machine What about target targets started selling Devil where well targets are selling a lot of like weird stuff like tux like where you could tuck your penis for Really young boys Tucker So people started boycotting target now is that what took a fire from Fox? Hey, that's why that's gay now. We've we've closed the survey target selling shit for kids to talk the dick. Yeah That's a fake no, no, but it's for adults. I don't think it was supposed to get a hold of Yeah, but it's happening in a section with kids stuff. Here's where I saw I saw from Tuck-friendly shit was for adults. I read it somewhere you can never okay, so it's not for kids He's a rabble riles or that one. He are so a rabble riles But they are it's all together with like pride kids stuff They have a pride section is hard to think in question. They're stopping selling some stuff because some employees were getting Employees that's what I did with the seller when Louie came back. Oh, yeah, wait, she says fuck you. It's all the same Mentality. Yeah gross That's a weird one because you know target only did that because they thought it was gonna make them more money everything they're a giant corporation If they do something like that because they want to make more money Yeah, so it's like that's how these marketing people that you were talking about. That's how they think about things They look at it from the eyes and also the eyes of the university because they just get out of the system that indoctrinates you To a very specific way of thinking it takes a while to shake once you get out in the real world and you realize like oh This is just as authoritarian. This is just as constrictive or like in college like there's so many trans And then you got the real world like oh, there's like four, right? Like Saturn did a whole campaign Marketing to women and they fucking skyrocketed women in sales. This is like in like Who's buying sad? Doesn't chicks dude I thought they were making make them anymore. They don't make them anymore. It was like a plastic to car Red band had one for a long time. They were very reliable. He's a bitch Comedy club check it out You're late on your shirt. Yeah, yeah They're available now online yeah, you can get them online. Hell yeah Yeah, we're talking that's what we are. I'll tell you Austin's poppin You can go to Vulcan you go to Sun's sake you got a mothership creek in the cave creek in the cave And that's all it's all walking distance. Oh, yeah Is there is there coming another part of town caps in a cap city caps in the domain? I hear that's great too. They have two rooms cap cities good small room in a big room. Yeah cap city is great What's the small room? I mean, I don't know I have no idea Yeah, they're like the old place of small rooms in the front bar. I don't know I haven't been in a new place the small place was the show that was a hot one. That was the Damn that place was good. That was a fucking banger of a club. I think still there bill Hicks might have been still there still there Mm-hmm. Yeah, I tried. Oh, it's tied up long story. I'll tell you the whole deal a lot There's a lot a lot to that. Yeah, but you got a good location. I got the best location ever The universe wanted that building to have it it was it sounds so stupid But like right when we got in there everything started and we started the first I was like exactly Oh, yeah, this is how it's supposed to do when you walk when you go in and you're like waiting to go on You're like fuck. I'm thirsty and then just like there's like nine hands holding you water They all go back to their fucking jobs, it's so fun to perform there I do like to Before you go on sitting back there by yourself Yeah, that's it's here behind the only club. I've been to I've never heard a peep. I've never heard of a Talk a chat a heckle. Nothing. The crowd is there for comedy great. Yeah build it they will come You know Fun performers boys, it's exciting Good to go perform I Hate it performance Respond I was in fucking Auschwitz I got pee to I'm trying to outlast everybody The contest crazy Well, you don't have to pee not today. It's weird. What you're dehydrated. Yeah, I Got a hold it now guys while I was touring in Europe, I found out about the fourth right This will be appearing many times those podcast coming the fourth-rate look it up You heard that there was a train in Austria that played a Hitler speech You some guy put it on on the train and got the fuck out It was a big deal. I mean on a train Comedians from the 60s and he starts going like hey, let's all get going here and talk to upscale people in Germany He goes. Yeah hip hip and they'll go hooray goes hip hip hooray and they go And he goes a couple others like that and then he goes I Think and I'll go ha He was like that was too easy for you guys in them. You're all former comrades. Yeah Now there's an ice cream shop outside of Auschwitz. That's killing it and all these people are pissed Because there's something ice cream right there. It's like too too nice They want to cry. Yeah, it's like what the hell you go to the air get some ice cream Also, you know you convince some kids like just be quiet for 10 minutes. I'll get you ice cream Yeah, also hogging does sounds like a camp It's gonna be a rocky road The vibe does change where you go down to two people Jamie you gonna pick it up here Come on hey, who's that guy with the fucking felt hat the mushroom guy? Damn it's pulse damn. It's who's that? He just he looks like a fucking mushroom guy Like the king of mushrooms. Can he get Xanax? I Got a long Australia flight coming up Trying to trying to pass out here. Yeah. Oh that guy. Yeah Wow the rare baseball cap. Oh Look at the size of that shroom my god What'd you guys suck each other's dicks in the fucking bathroom? I gotta pee we're gone longer than you should have been I wish I was the total normal time to be gone Smell it smell it. No, we just didn't pee in the hallway like you fucking freaky Takes along you mutt crazy person But this is how common that behavior is I knew he was gonna pee out there obviously You know me just in kombucha bottles here. I pulled a bottle into the hallway if anything you were like think kind of Thank you for going outside. Yeah, don't wait. Yeah. Well. I don't care if you pee in here You'll feel like a bucket or something man even just half that thing what thing? Chuck the chocolate Hits you you're handling it very well. Is it chocolate is a very uh, you're dancing shoes on last Dancing in the green. Yeah get some good tunes It's the green room is so special yeah, it's so fun last night. It was Roseanne dice Brian Simpson Shane Gillis Mark Norman Tony Hinchcliffe who else is there a son of my yeah? Derek Derek post and who else is there? That thing goes it was insane It was so much fun It was just Laughing and laughing and laughing it was like the best party I think that's it bro. It was so good. It was the best party It was like he was searching for a name and they're like no that's it. I just wanted I didn't want to leave anybody I didn't want to leave anybody out. I'm on there. That's why it was so good No Adam rolls, Adam's my favorite part I love Adam. Adam's my favorite part dude. I'm just fucking with him of course But but the party like the hang in the green room was so fun the hang after was nice So nice this was just fun. Yeah, this is so great. The place is just so like a warm hug You build a good spot. I could use a fucking warm hug But you know what the crazy thing is like I didn't think it would be this You know it's like we had something at the Vulcan and it was really cool We would do those shows there many times we do show it was fucking great time great time great time It was fun fun little hang, but then when it went to the mothership it just it just bloomed Multiple places to hang kind of like the store was also find yourself talking next to some fucking Cling clap s's or something also the two nights have open mic nights Oh, that's good all the door people are comics the whole thing changed the whole vibe No Let's shotgun them let's shotgun for real All right, I'll shotgun one Damn all this talk about You have to piss again now again, I haven't gone at all. Oh, they're gonna drink it all. Oh you fucking do you have to? Drink it less. Do you want to piss? I do you go ahead. Mr. Europe dude. Mr. Big time. I want this then So cultured He's bullying Europe my dad was in the Oh You have socks, dude America America will be number one. Oh, we got about ten years as long as I'm alive dude Turkey's coming back turkey. They're making a comeback. They've been waiting and wait. They've been waiting the wings Do they call themselves turkey turkey? What do you think the songs of Persia a little Persia? Now we need the real version dude, this is the real version That's not that's not Trey Parker of Matt Stone. That was it. No, that was a cover. Oh, wow You're a connoisseur I'm Shannon was pissed himself More than one version of America fucking imagine hearing that song going bro. We got a cover that There must be so many covers that every band if you're doing a live performance you break this out hand me that yeah Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, you kind of have to if you're a party band We're number one dude, fuck you fuck your I like America How'd you do a tour? Yeah, right Here's a warm bud light parents take about that. No, it's your war perfect Warm is better too because you won't get that headache. Yeah agreed Dude, we stuck our fucking hand in the ice bath Do 30 seconds You're a freak you You're an alien every day. You're an alien. You're all you are an alien. You like it up to you Yeah, you're an alien. No, we're press memories. Oh, that's exactly No, that's what the alien said No, this feeble brain if this is this piling spaceships this fucking feeble brain You've changed the planet You came down No shit, I'm just trying to tell them I'm a fan I'm letting them know You came down you like I here's the coolest thing stand up in UFC, okay I T Bong that dude imagine you're an alien. What a what a fucking cover be a really dumb, dude I'll stop trying to change the suit. Yeah, what a cover. What's your real name Romulus? What is your real alien name though, what would it be no You're ripped you got a huge dong you would have been They were like don't make them stand out but they want to they want too low No, he's got a fit in the fucking ship The point is a tallest alien So I they said yeah, right and then he detached from the mission was just like Earth's rule Earth's pretty sick I like stand up and you have city and he stayed Yeah, yeah, you had to but right and he's like I like this place Imagine if you really did decide that whatever does come after this is just too boring because you know, it's not real It's not real consequences. I'm fast Anything it's too discussy You really suck at that it's going for you like Hinchcliffe Tell Hinchcliffe tonight The show really what did you say you Over I was anxious that now I'm even now you're back back Go re Do you think this will make news that you're drinking Bud Light? No, dude Bud Light's abandoned me They never reached out there I would have been a nice Turned around because you haven't abandoned that I'll never leave you're very America You know, this is a strong stance to really to really keep buying what you enjoy despite the obvious controversy It's gonna come. Yeah. Yeah good for you Shane Willis. You're fucking here Superman I always hated that guy Shane Gillis. You're a real American That's what a real American does. No for real. That's what a real American alien talk. I don't give a fuck I'll just drink it. Yeah, like that's what I drink. I don't give a fuck. That's like I used to drink Zima There go that's gay they shamed everybody 20 years later Yeah, cuz there's Mike's hard lemonade you had to like Tease twist. Yeah, it's it saves more evil. Somehow can't shame a man with a Zima and a fanny pack Zima McIntyre You got nothing Imagine a train killer Wanna go for the trigger I Like Zima McIntyre That's an alien move I remember the bigger parties were not allowed I drank them they serve that on tat I like them this is good. Shut the fuck up. You're at the bar and tattoo I think I'm gonna be able to do this No, no you won't Come on we're gonna have a good fucking time. No, I'm not this. Oh that too. You'll love You'll hold it straight. Oh you won't There we go, yeah crystal Pepsi was big Tell you I'm gonna tell you a story about Pepsi spice Yeah, Brian red red at the ultimate troll. Here we go. He's going at a baby Right down that double chin. Yeah Fuck you up at a shotgun in contest whoo, that was pretty combs I saw him. Yeah, we did one together Shotgun one together country guy. He did it in one gulp Can honey was extraordinary. It just won Taylor's one Taylor the one from busing with the boys. He's putting together like a beer Olympics thing. It's just a scam He's the best at it Can you get dude? Here we go watch this blue combs who is he can see the one we're all fishing in the same pond That him or some singer. Yeah, he's great. He's very great. He's cool motherfucker too. Very cool, dude That is me I do sound the same That's big Holy That was You can't compete with that was one second extraordinary by a Tesla zero to 60 The reason you beat me by the quantum second I Was truly extraordinary shotgun that was saying like he's got to be up there with the grades I love how he was like he knew was gonna before you knew so he's like, yeah, go ahead One of them dudes that says you want to arm wrestle, you know I don't think so. That was fraud, bro. If you could hear the sound of the empty Wow Meaty dog up there too. He's a big big big fella fun guy. We had a great fucking podcast Was held dude, I saw him on the meat eater show His movies Swallowing back Good to have about 40 minutes. I was gone. I noticed that I was gone the pod was better. I think I announced Yeah, let's have your jewelry These stories how about just random words I look forward to these like Christmas. Yeah, it's points. This is the first one. I wasn't like dreading fuck It's like you this is like battle dude, you're gonna come on get fucking on Annihilated come on fun, but it's like the but the parties only started now. It's the hardest tonight We got tonight. That's gonna be tough. Come on two shows This is the first time that we've done since you started this What are you doing I did 60% of them mushroom first, why are you claiming 60 on this? I saw your 40 and I was like, I'll take the rest is that right? I had a shotgun a beer and two full glass. Oh my god Drinks, oh your voice gets real high when you're That's right the weed my Kill Jesus Oh Sorry, were you saying there? American that was pretty sick The fact no legitimately the fact that you don't give a fuck and you keep drinking Bud Light despite the controversy You're not gonna bow. That's what you enjoy Drink it shit. I mean come on man. We're all talking shit on phones that are made by slaves It's all here. Look at these movies. I talk on them sweatshop. There you go. Come on So I got called gay to bar, dude, really? Tell me talk dude. Yeah, it's not gonna it's not gonna truly determine All right order a bud light and someone's like where you game I yeah. No, no, no, I'll suck your dick You right now you fucking bitch Do you think Bud Light's gonna bounce back? Yeah, I think so. I think they will with your help I think this story is ain't Bud Light needs to just send me fucking $50,000 just hire Chuck. Give him a case. Give me 20 bucks. Hire Chuck nor I sell a Thousand Bud lights every weekend. Yeah kid rock they should hire Kid Rock to be this spokesman That's a lot They should yeah, we talked about last night that would be the best The we took out the whole commercials The second kid rock commercial let him go fucking nuts one second for the end changes comes and goes and me Exclusivity This is what it wasn't when I text you last night about what we were laughing at last time it was the my pillow guy We were fucked up I was like last time we took mushrooms I was like we were dying about something And I was like it was so stupid that I was like I kind of remember I think we were laughing about somebody like murdering a Guy we were laughing at but no laughing at the my pillow guy being so angry He smothers with a pillow Kid it was his kid That's right if his kid was trained that's what it was that's what it was That's one that you have to be there There's oh my god, we were having so much fun this what we were laughing at With a pillow cuz he sells pillows get it That was actually funny nine Eagles in we were doing that well, what's funny is, you know the idea that this guy It's like It keeps killing his company his company just fucking die Making fucking slippers now Transitioning Because they've taken them out of stores, right the what my Not in store he was never in stores But what how did they get hit they got hit somehow or another wait my pillows really boycott of them Is that what it was just going right back to the last one? I just remember there was something I just want to clarify cuz I already brought it out. Oh, yeah Happen with the my pillow guy Well, like his business has been affected by all this being connected to you know, hello I just like his fucking poster. He's got any every commercial. He's got like Jesus and a lion Giant cross giant cross crucifix. Yeah, he's he's all in a lot of stuff for it. Whackadoo He's a nut. He built that pillow in his basement. His wife left him True story over a pillow. He would know shit you don't know what he doing. I'm building a pillow, honey Imagine you're obsessed for a decade in the in the basement. You won't hang out with your wife. Just make it a pillow. Yeah He's like you'll sleep with me. He was right. He was right. How was he right? How is it? How the fuck was that? I'm sure the pillows. I don't know pretty fucking great. It's selling. Well, I think so But did he get did his business get hurt by that? What am I getting up from? Advertisements or something like that. Like there was something like a reformed crackhead Him was he really was a drug guy and then he found guy He can't get back 75 million in revenue lost due to Trump ties that's it Oh Trump ties and that's a good invention At Sam's Club Coles and Bed Baths and Beyond which is Wrong about accusing him of doing drugs cuz you know, yeah, this guy's probably the man He became addicted to and a frequent user of cocaine Saturday switch to crack 90s like everybody like DS DS said he did crack for six months because the coke dealer wasn't on his way home David cross do I love crack? Damn throw that out there Crack by the cross love crack. He said he did it once he's like I get it. I get my people are crackheads Oh, oh, we only did it once Love it. I did crack once. Yeah, really? Yeah, a fan gave me Molly And I was like, oh and I mean the lady went to Paris who went to the Louvre and I said, let's do the We took crack we're in the Molly like The only person ever to do crack Now he did it last night Well last night no, I'm saying them there's Molly there's someone has my oh, yeah Yeah, and he was a well somebody I have Molly. Yeah, he's from a fan also Yeah, he was like, let's do miles shit. I like yeah, maybe and he was like a fan gave it to me. I was like no Out of your fucking mind he's a nice fan He looked yeah, can't think David cross talks about trying crack with you Jimmy come along. Oh, there you go We might be drunk let's go. Mmm. Yeah fun fun episode. Yeah, you doing crack at the Louvre is Gotta be proud about this. Well, is it like yeah, no one's done sucked Cuz I ate it which suddenly you're supposed to do so my body didn't know it was going on and I ran right to the bathroom, I'm shitting insane like dumb and dumber shooting