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Bill Burr is a standup comedian, actor, and host of the Monday Morning Podcast. He's also the voice of Frank Murphy in the Netflix animated sitcom F is for Family, currently in its fourth season.
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hello family man hello sir good to see you brother good to see you too
we were just talking about uh like you have two kids now you have a real family
you got to get an
suv yeah oh yeah we had something but just once you get the two car seats in
the back and then
you know with all the for the kids and then all the your wife has all of a
sudden it's
just like oh i now understand remember the suburban yeah which was a long like
blazer
and you look at that thing like who the needs all of that unless you're like
homeless and that's
where you live but then you're like oh i get it again if you have three four
kids yeah you
definitely need one you definitely need one they always bring a bunch of with
them too they want
to bring stuff so yeah you have to have yeah you have to have room for a toy or
this or that those
tesla ones you were talking about those are great the x with the crazy doors
yeah the lambo doors
yeah those are dope have you ever seen them dance no tiffany haddish had one
she was in the back of
the comedy store i heard that and she uh set it to dance and she puts music on
it and the wings start
going up and the car starts like turning left and right it's actually pretty
badass it's fun she's
one of the most fun people i've ever hung out with so i i wish i was i wish i
was there for that
she had the covid she had it she got it over she kicked it i'm surprised more
comics didn't get
it the way we're shaking hands and meeting people after shows um yeah i saw my
i got my wife had the
kids we had to get tested so i was i said yeah big j okerson got it he had it
and he's clean it feels
weird to be talking about people that have it yeah i know a lot of people that
caught it yeah i know
about nine you're like naming names like joe mccarthy over there oh they're
fine now well i like people
who've had it now because they have the antibodies they think they can like
walk on fire it's like dude
this thing is a brand new thing i don't know if you want to be testing you know
i got a buddy of mine uh
ended up getting it and then he was just like well they i got tested i got the
antibodies so now i think
he feels like he's bulletproof so they don't even know if you can catch it
again they don't they
really have no idea well people are going to find out yeah we're going to find
out yeah because when
i was driving over here i actually got into a moderate level of traffic on the
highway like i've noticed
it's just at some point i mean considering people are just kind of doing what
they want to do
and a lot of people were after two weeks everyone just sort of depending on
where your ego was like
you're not gonna tell me this is all a fucking something i'm gonna go outside
those people
they just kept it going so now i just feel like well you can't have 60 percent
of the population go
broke because less than one percent has something yeah so i don't know i think
we're just gonna
just go back i think we're just gonna go back and if you get it you get it and
if you die you die and if you don't you don't and then
eventually they're gonna get they're gonna get something that'll slow it down
or stop it or
something like that here's what slows it down your immune system they don't
tell you a goddamn
thing about that they don't tell you how to take care of your immune system
there's no
word about that it's put a mask on wash your hands no one's telling you sleep
more drink water
take vitamins there's none of that yeah and i know this one guy who brought up
vitamin d on his
big podcast and then you couldn't find it anymore dude you're like fucking oprah
when she attacked
the meat industry i just saw a clip oh this guy on rogan and of course i didn't
even research
the guy was it was just like take vitamin d a woman how much i pay attention
and i go i go to the
fucking health food store it's all gone and there was something this bootleg
vitamin d was like
vitamin d plus i'm like what what is that what is that i know that that that's
probably gonna make
me catch it so i just take vitamin c and i try to get eight hours sleep and i i've
been i've been
doing a pretty good job of uh i'm pretty anti-social like a lot of comics so i
haven't had a problem
keep it away from everybody yeah my wife i i quarantine in my house like my
wife so you guys
sit down and have dinner with us i'm always over in the corner if i'm alone no
one can hurt me
just leftover childhood just coming from a family of loners so do you feel
weird not doing stand-up
what has that been like um i did not miss it at all and but i think that
whenever there's something
like painful in my life i think that that's what i do is i just go i don't care
i don't give a
fuck it's all i i really learned a lot more about myself during this quiet time
of not running
around and going to airports and kind of sitting with myself and being like wow
i thought i was
way further down the road working on myself than i was but i have a lot of
fucking childhood issues
left over i got a lot like i really started like all these puzzle pieces just
started coming in and
i was able to look all the way back where i was to where where i am now and how
i got here and these
little things that happened to me you know good things and bad that just sort
of just knocked me
down this road that i'm on it was just sitting alone with alone time yeah well
you know my wife was
going through you know the third trimester you know when you know when they're
just over it and you're
like oh god there's six weeks to go i'm ready to have it no he's like oh no um
you know i finally
you know get my daughter to bed get her to bed everything was good made sure
all the doors were
locked and then i was just sort of like why you know all these years of doing
stand-up i'm just up at
that hour right so i was just sort of you know sitting kind of by myself like i
i i don't know
i haven't been watching tv like the news you just brought up three things you
see he's going on seattle
with the fcc whatever he says i don't know what i don't even know what it is
what is tifa antifa
they call themselves anti-fascists and they're they wear masks and they carry
sticks and helmets and
shit and they intimidate people exactly to stop fascism they use fascism to
stop fascism yeah
and they blocked off i think six blocks of seattle and they declared it a
police-free zone this is
occupied by the people of seattle and you you can't use money in that police-free
zone you know joe i'm
going to go out on a limb and say that's not going to end well it's not going
to end well at all that's
the only thing that's going to keep it from ending badly is that seattle is
kind of a fucked up city
they tolerate a lot of homelessness seattle's got a lot of weird laws like it's
a it's a um i forget
the way it's described i think it's a mutual combat state that's what it's
described so like if you're
in front of a cop say if uh say if i'm a cop and you and jamie decide to duke
it out you can just say
you want to fight motherfucker and he'll go yeah i want to fight and the cops
will let you fight because
it's some wild west mining shit from like the fucking 1600s settle it like men
on the books yeah no
lawsuits i like it you can duke it out in the middle of the street it's very
dangerous though
people getting knocked out on the street is fucking terrifying because they
fall and they hit their
head and they go unconscious and there's no refs to stop those last nine hammer
fists i think the
cops are supposed to do that the cops are supposed to act as a referee too but
this there's videos of
guys getting into street fights in seattle and cops just standing around
watching
yeah it's real weird in fact i don't have a problem if two people are willing
to do it and they
they're uh they know the risks you know if you get hit you're gonna fall and
crack your head on the
back of the the curb there i mean a lot of them are drunk though they don't
know the risks there was
one of them this is this kid uh i think his last name is fodor uh i think carlos
fodor he was a
mma fighter and he would dress up like a superhero what see see if you can find
out what do you remember
his name anyway he actually knew how to fight and he was dressed like a
superhero so he's kind of
baiting people to fuck with him and he's walking on the street and these guys
fuck with them and they
hilarious they decide to go at it and then you know he's bouncing around like a
real pro fighter and
starts slamming leg kicks in on this guy you see this guy's face like oh my god
what the
fuck have i signed up for he's just some drunk asshole and some dude dressed
like a superhero well i
i don't have any sympathy for those people i think he called himself phoenix jones
if i saw a guy
walking around dressed like a superhero i'd be like that guy's out of his mind
and i would give him a
wide berth yes hoping he was on his way to his place of solitude whatever that
maybe he's on his way
home to his ice house he's on his way to the bat cave or some cosplay but if i
was younger uh yeah
i might have you know if i was standing in a crowd yeah i probably would have
done some yeah punk
shit like that couple of whiskeys in yeah oh yeah get my orange wig slapped off
yeah probably
so seattle is on it's run by a warlord some one dude apparently according to my
friend who's a
seal was running this entire seven block or six block area of seattle they
spray painted all the
windows on this yeah you know okay talk to me in three days it's been going on
a lot longer than
that it'll be fun you think so what is going to happen do you think there's war
loads what he's
going to have 10 blocks and then 11 and then he's going to take over all of washington
i mean he's
going to run out of men they have guns okay that's the problem the problem is
they're openly carrying
rifles inside this six block i know but they need to eat okay and then no
supplies are going to get
in that seven blocks they're just going to wait them out or they're going to
come in with superior
firepower and it's not going to end well joe i don't think it's going to end
well i'm just i don't know
how it's going to end all right let's let's let's guess the scenario okay all
right how many bodies
what's the over under four people die how many are there how many of them are
there thousands i think
thousands and you're only going with four that's a good number that's like a vegas
number where you're
like they always pick the perfect do i go over or i go under this the price is
right i don't know how
many people are in there but the photos that i saw the place is packed filled
with people like like
they're just getting out of a chapelle show look at this these are the people
they took city hall oh
they took city hall they own city oh now now most of them are white so i don't
see the staying power
of this wait what did you just say they opened the door for them yeah they gave
them city hall so this is
city hall they're walking into right now yeah this is yeah well this is going
to be funny now when
they get in and they don't know what to do let me hear some volume on this jamie
i want to hear what
the fuck they're yelling
something about jamie masada jamie's got to go yeah the laugh factory in long
beach got looted last night
oh god i can't imagine how many puppets they took
is there puppets in the laugh factory giant creepy fucking mannequins i that
place is oh it's you
know i love that place i love performing there but some of the jamie's decor i
love my favorite
things to do in this business is on jamie masada he knows i love him buddy bill
burr black lives
matter body don't burn down my club yes please buddy this business has always
been weird like that
there's always no that's why you're the king dude because you got outside of it
but you're totally in
it and they can't they can't get you they can't get you i i you know i'm piling
up some stories here
being in the matrix i won't get into them but it's the same it's just the same
old
corporations only know how to do business one way and it's just they push their
advantage they push
their advantage they have their leverage and they want the biggest slice of the
pie that's that's what
they i don't have a problem with that it's when they go beyond that and they
just straight up steal
are they stealing from you everybody does every every time you get in business
with like corporate
guys this is how it works it's like the check okay we're in business to make
money from them and then
you get in business with them and then the check goes to the corporate guy and
then you get your cut
off of his checkbook so right there i am immediately in a situation where there's
no way i can steal from
him but he can rob me blind right and you can add a bunch of expenses on the
things that front end
load expenses to make it look like they're losing money and yeah that's hollywood
accounting yeah
no it's stealing it's stealing is what it is they just call it hollywood
accounting yes but it's not
hollywood accounting it's it's corporate accounting it's scumbag accounting
that's just and it's how
they do it and they sleep at night and then they always have oh that's over in
the accounting section
of the building not over here where me and my yacht are i'm like artist
friendly you know i majored in
fucking liberal arts in college well what was really interesting when podcasts
started to take off they
started to try to get in with the old model and weasel into podcasts and and
buy pieces of podcasts
and like if you come on my network your deal is gonna is if you think the
fucking industry is gonna
sit back when they didn't get to wet their beak on that thing i'm gonna tell
every young comic when we
get back to this shit is what they're gonna do now is what the music industry
did where they started
signing straight across the board deals they're gonna get some young kid who's
got no power in the
business and it's just like you know we'll help you create a podcast you know
we're signed with so
and so blah blah and what they're gonna do is they're gonna own the podcast the
advertising money's gonna
go to them and they're gonna rob them blind 100 they're gonna 100 100 gonna
steal from them rob
them blind and then when they get audited and they get caught stealing they're
gonna label that kid that
young comic difficult to work with meaning difficult to steal from that's it's
already happening yeah
uh i know guys who young guys i won't name any names but they've come up to me
and go hey um
i'm signed to this management company they want to sign me but they want a
piece of my podcast no
they want a piece of this and they they want it there's no reason there's no
reason yeah you got
to tell people that because you're the you got to tell oh you got to tell
people do not don't give up
anything don't give up anything don't ever it's all you because they're not
going to do anything for
you they think what they're going to do is move the ball quicker that first two
years and then the
rest is all going to be you if you just hang in there and and struggle a little
bit like uh you've
got to grind you're just going to hang in there and keep going i mean i got a
lot of offers to buy
half of the podcast or to buy p and i nothing i wouldn't i won't i won't do it
i'll never do it
but then spotify came along and they said we'll give you a licensing deal so
just put it on our
network for three months but you still own it right i'm like all right we're in
and that's that's why
we did it that way but this this comic that i won't name he was telling me that
is this management
company they wanted to sign him they wanted to own a piece of his podcast
forever and i'm like that
eventually will become yeah because what they're going to look at it is they're
going to make it like
if you started a podcast while you were with this manager or why with this
agent it'll be like back
in the day when you booked a sitcom exactly and then if you left the agency of
the manager throughout
the lifetime of that sitcom you owed the commission to them exactly but back
then that you needed them
to do that you don't need them for the podcast but they're going to do that so
then you're going to
leave this manager and then for the rest of your life you're going to be paying
this never-ending
alimony yeah i mean there'll be guys eventually they'll try to take 50 60 i own
your podcast
uh-huh managers will start agents will start podcast networks because there's
nobody regulating
them to not do that anymore i got an offer just five years ago from a company
that was a radio company
that wanted 50 of the podcast they were going to give me no money they wanted
50 of the podcast
just to be associated with them and like we're going to pull together all these
advertisers and
it's going to help your revenue no 50 so that and they never deliver with what
they say they're gonna
and then they come in and they just they just they gut the thing well the
beautiful thing about podcasts
is podcasts all get big on word of mouth like i've never advertised this
podcast i never did anything
with it right i never bought billboards or put ads up anywhere it's just from
word of mouth and the way
other podcasts grow is people get on people's podcasts and they say hey you
listen to bill
burr's podcast money morning podcast hilarious and then it just grows but i
think it's the job of
people making money in podcasting to let new podcasters know do not sign those
deals ever do not let
the fox into the hen house because they are going to rob you blind and you don't
need it i saw this
documentary one time on this heavy metal band anvil right this crazy thing
about this band that just
was around forever and never quite made it and there was a i think it was i
think it was that one it's
one of those ones about an old like metal band from the 80s and this guy said
like the truest ever
when he was talking about the music business and this goes straight across
podcasts everything he goes
you're better to own something a hundred percent and only sell 20 000 copies
than you are to uh not
own it at all and sell 20 million like you're literally going to make more if
you just sell 20 20
crazy yeah no they're because and then another thing that they do oh my god
dude another thing that they
do is then the all the people that they lose on they dump that on you yes yes
like i remember one time
i forget what i i was uh with this network and i had a cd that was already made
i already made it and
i just wanted them to put it out on their label and they and they wanted to own
the cd and i was like
no i'm not no i don't want you to own it i just need you to to to like
distribute it i need you as a
distributor and the guy said to me goes well you know ownership shouldn't be
that big a deal for you
it should be about exposure i said all right well let me ask you this if
ownership shouldn't be that
big a deal to me why is it such a big deal to you and he started like stammering
and then he basically
said well you know we get in business with something he named a couple other
comics whose cds didn't sell
and we have to recoup those losses it's like that ain't my fault that's
hilarious i could have told
you not to sign that jerk off what is your it's not my fault you didn't do the
work
so that's the way i had another one one time i signed with this is back when i
made like cds and i
did one and i had a 60 40 you get you know i was getting 60 and they were
getting 40 but their 40
was off the gross mine was off the net and all expenses for the album was on me
it's like i thought
we were doing this together every thing the artwork printing it all of that all
of those expenses came
to me and in the end that's 60 40 60 uh net 40 gross they made way more money
than i did
it's just how they knew like oh okay well i'm getting six dollars on every 10
yeah plus the but
anything it's just hilarious that they would come up to you and tell you that
we did some deals with
some other comics dude i got in business one time to make this tv show and the
guys sends this the the
bill for the whole thing i shouldn't be saying that but this is a while ago
right the guy was going
to bill us 2500 bucks a month to use his copier machine and did you then
another i don't know 4500 bucks
uses editing that's like dude we have both of those things we don't need those
let's take that money
and put it on the screen we're trying to get this thing to go and and the guy
like he oh it's the
funniest ever he goes like i'm insulted by those questions or something like
that which is my favorite
thing ever the the the offend like the uh what is the like the the i don't know
you're a thief and
you actually have the audacity to be like taken aback like like fanning
yourself like i can't
believe you're just it's like how many shows are you charging 2500 bucks a
month to go you know
fucking use your copy machine yeah that's a lot of money that's rent for a nice
apartment
no thieves copy machine how much does it cost to use that copy machine really
first of all the copy
machine probably doesn't even cost 2500 bucks he's probably renting it yeah
probably rents it for a
couple hundred bucks a month but even to buy a copy he probably has nine shows
paying 2500
bucks a month for him to go that's it if you have like a really big one one of
those commercial
grade copy machines what does it cost 10 grand i mean how much could it cost i
mean that i i think
he's bought a couple of houses off of owning that copier machine and i just i
just love telling these
fucking stories because these are the things that you like what's great about
podcasting is you can say
this this is for every person out there who has a fucking business and you know
there's that thing
where you want to take it to the next level and then these these guys come in
and then they're
all just like yeah well hey we're gonna take a piece of it and they take a big
chunk out of it
and what they do is their risk is all the way down here yours is up here and
then somehow they just i'm
telling you like you're better you're better to sell 20 000 copies own it 100
percent than 20 million
and not own any of it because you're going to make more money that's just how
the game is played
and those guys who steal from people they they sleep very comfortably but it's
also just podcasts just
the stress of dealing with other people's eliminated just the stress of dealing
with production people
slows it down it slows it down yeah it's awful yeah i mean the only thing spot
spotify's ever done so far
is ask do you know who the first guests will be and already i'm like oh yeah
like they're gonna be who
they're gonna be you know they're gonna be great i'm gonna try to get my best
friends the funniest
people that's them justifying their desk like i can't just sit here like joe
knows what he's doing
any idea well i'd like to start a uh email chain and uh we could maybe circle
back later and uh have
a conference call and they're just trying to fill up there yeah they're just
having to use time yeah but
the spotify people have been great they literally said we don't want to do
anything we want you to just do
what you're doing just do what you're doing oh but even asking me who the guest
gonna be i was like oh
no please let this be the only question yeah i'm never available and that's
nothing though that's
nothing i mean they're great but could you imagine if you were doing that with
a network like imagine if
you were in business with abc or something like that and they were they were
helping produce your
podcast you'd have to go in for meetings you'd have to go in and sign into the
office bill you sign in
here you go and sit down and waste your afternoon having some dopey
conversation you you kind of
complain a lot when you read these letters bill um do you have to when people
are signing the emails
maybe you should be can we get a reread on the blah blah blah um what do you
think how do you feel
about product placement because we've got a got a great deal with coca-cola
look all i just wanted i just wanted to tell a few of those for younger people
out there because
it actually really bothers me that people do that to people yes it really
bothers me and i love comics
and i love seeing new comics coming up that have talent and i hate seeing them
get over so
hopefully uh people listen and they do it but they're worms man they're worms
there's a lot of worms out
there and there's a lot of worms that try to grab comics real that they're
talented but real raw and
they try to lock you up to some enormous lifetime management deal and and when
you take off and
you have something say if you're dude i remember back in the day when everyone
when when companies
were like shooting specials before comics started shooting them and the amount
of guys that got that
yeah we only got enough money for to shoot one you know to only you can only
shoot it one time but
you're gonna crush it man you got this hour down we only got enough in the
budget and then they'd show
up early and they'd be shooting another comic special off their money the deal
to double them as a
management company what they would get or or an agency the amount of times that
that happened with
the same audience oh i mean yeah yeah oh you want to hear the best one i ever
heard jim brewer was
filming a special sold out this theater and the the people that were filming
the special told him that the
money for the ticket sales was theirs because it was all about the production
because the money that
people are paying for the production he's like the are you talking about this
is my audience like that's
my money his management tried to steal the money from ticket sales and say that
it went towards production
went all the way to court with it his manager's on the way to court has a panic
attack goes to the
hospital like the whole thing's a nightmare i think he won yeah of course he
won yeah he won well it's
thievery it's thievery like these are tick people are paying to see i have i
have a million
of those stories but this is the thing this is what kills me about a lot of
this this rhetoric that's
going on out there which i agree with 90 of it but if you if you agree with 100
of it like you and
i are not supposed to be having stories like this we're supposed to be the ones
doing it and it's just
like you have to like as far as the uh the whole you know oh you're a white
male heterosexual you know
doors just fly open and people like hey what are your dream they like i'm not
saying and i'm not
obviously not bitching but i'm just saying that like like people will you it's
all
about money they don't they don't give a and they and they all those people
that do that really
yeah so there's a long history of hollywood accounting there's a long history
of that
i mean there's been so many stories about people who made killer hit movies and
never got paid
because hollywood's like look you know we have this much had to go to
advertising and this is the
production look how bad elvis got oh yeah elvis got so bad and then one of the
main ways he got on
the road he only did one out of the country date i believe he did toronto and
he never traveled the
world because his manager had something going on with his visa and he was
worried if he left he
wouldn't be able to come back so that kind of like kept elvis out of a ton of
money and seeing the
world or whatever the he might have wanted to do keep doing these movies elvis
you want to go on the
road that is hilarious well you know the best version of breaking down how
corrupt the music business is
was by courtney love they said she had a ghostwriter i don't know but she did
but it was it's a it's a
great article that she wrote documenting exactly how much you get paid versus
how much money gets
generated and where it all goes and how they you yeah no it's it's they've
always done it that way
i mean that's that's always the way they've done it that's the answer young
people that's the answer
to it is well i mean that's how that's how it's done so whatever i don't want
to sit here
bitching the whole time are you done i quit but i i smoke like one or two uh a
month
oh god damn it joe oh i got these from mike binder they're good what yes oh
look at that
well i guess i didn't quit today did i
come on billy fun are we doing this yes let's do it all right come on we got to
celebrate you
had a kid yeah i have to there you go it's my birthday yesterday oh that's
right happy birthday thank
you you're 38 again 52 brother holy shit that's me too 52 pickup isn't that a
weird number like you
like you say it it doesn't seem real well i think in your 50s nothing matters
until the odometer flips
to 60 and then you're just like yeah i know 60 guys in their 60s they're gonna
cut in there yeah sorry
guys in their 60s is this the ted nugent one look at this with the fucking that's
a serious one that's
from uh uh benchmade knives it's a awesome knife company they gave me a good uh
cigar cutter
you sound like bill murray in what about bob which i just watched the other day
you know
when he's a great movie that's a perfect movie oh when he's eating we did a
family movie night
basically every day of the pandemic it was uh
first couple of uh first couple of months basically every night we watched a
new movie
watch every single adam sandler movie watch groundhog day again i forgot how
good groundhog day was
these are delicious shout out to mike minder yeah they're very good
anyway anyway but podcasting is yes look it's a great business i mean i started
off because i was
kind of depressed because i had to move here from uh move back here from colorado
i thought i had escaped
i thought i was gone i was like i'm out l.a i can't take this crowds and
everything i want peace and i
want the wilderness i live in the mountains i remember that and then you had to
like have
a glock when you went out to go get your mail so you would get eaten by a
fucking bobcat or something
mountain lion yeah yeah yeah i saw one in the yard like that's uh that could be
an issue
i know that's basically a middleweight tiger
it's a welterweight welterweight 150 pounds 147 welterweight tiger
welterweight boxing at least welterweight mma is 170. yeah yeah it's a weird
animal to see in the
woods too because you know if that thing runs at you like you literally have no
chance they're scared
of you though they don't want nothing to do with you for the most part if they
if they're really hungry
and really old they'll you up that's why i i i try to tell you know my wife
when i whenever you're
outside i'm like mama bear is next to the cub always always i go there's coyotes
and they're
getting bold because everyone was inside yeah and they come down every night
looking for a little
dog or a little cat you hear that going down in the hills everyone be like you
know once
two white suites you just hear which is basically the dog like what the is that
you know
brutal yeah it's gross it's scary because a little little cleanup crew goes
around and catches animals
slipping in the backyard yeah i don't understand people let little dogs out
because those coyotes
they'll figure out a way in oh yeah well they're very smart they they you know
they have to survive
they figure out a way yeah little creepy fucks yeah they are a little creepy
fucks all right they're
everywhere can i every city can i promote this uh movie f is for family too f
is for family season four
it's coming out tomorrow tomorrow i got two big things coming out and then that's
it i'm dried up
because everybody in interviews what what's next for you after these two things
that's it it's it's
it's the pandemic i'm gonna start going on the road at all um you're opening up
yeah i'm gonna see how
you guys do you know who comes back with a cough i'll let you guys walk towards
the atom bomb that
they just i mean i got a little one at home so i'm i think i'm gonna chill
until like september unless
it's just wide open um by chill i mean if if things go well i'm gonna uh i'm
gonna try to do some shows
at the troubadour because i know that they're hurting and that's one of my
favorite venues all
these bands that i love have played there troubadour on santa monica yeah so
they're kind of they they're
in you know they're in a bad way because of this so i'm gonna try to do a
little run of shows down
there you know are they available you can do that not available yet but when
they are available i'm
gonna try to do like a three night thing down there you know work for free get
the rust off have people
pay for tickets buy a bunch of booze and some troubadour t-shirts and keep that
place going man
that's great yeah i'll do that yeah well i'll do that too let's do it i'll do
it yeah that sounds
like fun yeah i went there uh twice this year i saw everlast there and i saw sturgill
simpson yeah
and steve steve martin opened for richard prior there wow i read this great steve
martin article
where he was talking about uh opening for him there so it also has like some
comedy history there
well when i was there i was saying this is a perfect venue for comedy it's like
500 seats
it's awesome it's got a balcony it could be a great place for stand-up yeah it's
the stores need the
store needs help too everybody needs help improv needs help well i know the
stores get once they can open up i know they're gonna be fine so uh because i'm
gonna be down
there all the time anyway yeah um so as far as um i think between now and september
if they start
opening things up there's a bunch of little theaters that are around um that i
would just you
know pop in and do a night like i said just work for free have the people pay
you know whatever for
some tickets and buy whatever they're selling there you know knock the rest off
yeah you know because i'm
not gonna have people pay full price i mean i haven't taken this amount of time
off since i started
yeah you know i'm like my last gig was uh march 10th the dean delray bon scott
tribute dude you should
have come down for that man i couldn't i had another thing how to do it looked
like a lot of fun dean
and we had a great comedy she's got a crazy voice he does it really sneaks up
on you because they'll
sing in the car you like but then you see him when he's with the band and and
go the microphone and
everything ah when that video that you guys put on instagram or him singing a
whole lot of rosie i was
like holy he's really good well he did it for like 15 20 years you could tell
yeah yeah i mean
he's legit yeah yeah that was a good time and then it was over and then it was
over yeah strange
yeah i got some gigs lined up i'm gonna announce them next week but uh i'm
gonna i'm just gonna hit
the road do some clubs knock the rust off it looks like the store is uh not
listed as a bar
it's listed as an entertainment a live entertainment venue uh because they're
opening up bars and
restaurants and all these different things and the store they kind of they
tried to label it as a
nightclub but uh peter shore is like it's like it's not a nightclub no one's no
one's milling around
you stay you sit down you go in and sit down it's more like right it's more so
what do they need to be
classified as to open up well they need a different distinction for comedy
clubs they don't really
have one and you know there's a good argument a real good argument that comedy
club should be
some sort of an essential business because people need to blow off some steam
it feels good it's
really good for you look if i was a a guy working a regular job and i was used
to going to the store
every couple months uh knock some you know knock some laughs into me i mean i'd
be
fucking chomping at the bit to go see some comedy right now oh i think they're
gonna be packed i
remember i was in new york you know uh during 9 11 and i was like is anything
ever going to be funny
again and it was like a you know like a two-week lull and then they were just
packed yeah yeah it was
actually became almost like a second like boom or whatever um way back in the
day i'm worried about
a second wave of the corona i'm worried about them locking things down someone's
got to step in and stop
them from doing that next next wave you guys got to be proactive you got to do
something about people's
immune systems you got to lock down old people and sick people let regular
people do whatever the
they want you can't you can't just lock people's freedom down for something
that killed a small
fraction of what you thought it was going to kill the whole thing is it's just
creepy to have
guys like mayor garcetti be in charge of telling people whether or not they get
to work like that's
not what a governor is supposed to be that's not what they're trying but they're
they're trying to
look out for your best interest and trying to get 400 million people to all
pull in the same direction
it's it's you can't get 40 comics to pull in the same direction so like they
have like an impossible
they did and they didn't there was those people right the whole time there's
been
fucking assholes on my street walking around no masks you know not quarantining
like the people
that come by the houses you see the fucking you know the same people that were
going in and out of
the house who are not part of their family still going in and out of the house
you want people to
walk down the street with a mask on let's not start this job do you though let's
not start this
okay let's start i don't want to start this bullshit i'm not going to sit here
with no medical degree
listening to you with no medical degree with an american flag behind you
smoking a cigar acting like
we know what's up better than the cdc all i do is i listen i watch the news
once every two weeks i'm
like mask or no mess still mask all right mask that's all i give a fuck about i
don't care but even they
say you shouldn't wear a mask unless you're treating a coronavirus patient the
world health
organization yeah but they didn't say that initial they didn't say it initially
no they didn't they
did and then gradually then and then everybody wore the fucking masks this is
like rollerblading
everybody fucking rollerbladed and then there was that one fucking homophobic
joke and then everybody
acted like they never did it and then a hundred million fucking rollerblades
got thrown into the
fucking ocean we all wore masks and then all of a sudden people are fucking
sitting there what you don't
have the body type for dude your fucking knuckles would scrape on the ground
even with that extra two
inches i just love how wearing a mask became like this fucking like soft thing
that you were doing like
being courteous being courteous why is it for bitches that was so stupid first
of all oh god you're so
tough with your fucking open nose and throat gee joe and your five o'clock
shadow this is a man right here
a man doesn't wear a mask why does it always become like that it's always like
the man versus the
bitch that's what men do we make fun of things anything anything that uh seems
like you're not
taking chances right that's what i don't have a problem with that unless you
were already wearing
the mask and then you're acting like you didn't and all of a sudden people
watch your thing and then they
all pile up oh look at this bitch wearing the mask it's like you were fucking
doing it two weeks ago well i was
scared out of my mind in the beginning in the beginning like when the first
when when everybody's
shutting down the beginning and people are stockpiling food i was convinced i
was like jesus christ dude
you have like nine elk in your basement you were you were the one person i knew
was fine tom papa's
making bread plenty i knew i knew he was worried about i was worried about
people i knew getting really
sick and dying and then i was convinced that i had it at one point time i was
like god i do feel like i'm
breathing heavy i felt like my breath is some like my breath is coming short i
did i did i had like
psychosomatic issues thinking about it i got over it though i got over it guy
had a panic attack
sitting on 12 elk you had a panic attack and then you felt bad about yourself
and then you attack
people with masks that's how it works and that's how the hatred starts and that's
right now why seven
blocks to seattle you can't go now and get yourself i'm gonna go and i'm gonna
drop off free food for
those folks those fine protesters there's a major american city where seven
blocks the people have
took over it and i had no idea what you were talking about so that's great
anything that i said i don't
watch it i envy you at all i envy that that you just do that you just shut
everything down me i every
day i check what part of the world's on fire i don't like hysteria i don't like
making decisions
with hysteria and i like i i when i first became a dad the hysteria of other
parents i would just
i would be looking at them but i wasn't listening because that's all that's
what was the tone of
everything was saying you know better get some sleep now and you'd be like and
then anytime you
say anything positive about your kid how old's your kid seven weeks oh yeah how
is ah she's great
she's great oh oh wait till seven and a half weeks it's like it's like dude
maybe you suck at it
yeah how about that yeah you're sitting there with your legs trembling right
all nervous and
shit yeah i i don't i don't like you know i'm already in the head i'm already
in the head
i don't need 24-hour news network like who's that guy on fox news i always joke
with nio tucker
he's got great hair but horrible points like if his points were as good as his
hair which guy he looks
like a kennedy i mean he's just he is the white guy's white guy he was talking
about black people
going and when they come for you and they will they're gonna you know it's just
like what are you
fucking talking hannity i don't know who he is no it's not hannity hannity was
the guy who they they
put with that fucking that that like rooster at the end a chick in the end of
his life looking guy
like here's your liberal dude and all my relatives who are conservative like i
mean look at him i mean
he's so meek it's like this thing is cast like a show yeah who was that guy
that he was with hennany
and combs remember he and combs and the one guy looked like he was on death's
door and he was the
liberal he was gray yeah he was great the other guy looked like a football hero
astronaut with the
square jaw face nice head of hair the other guy with the little glasses he
looked like mr burns right
yes and he had no spine he had no he wasn't strong arguer i was he was there he
was he was the
washington generals and the other guy was the globetrotters conservative point
and then you put on cnn and you got all those fucking nitwits with the
situation room and all
of that how about this brother this is why i wish that there was a comedy club
because there's a bit
that's already come and gone was what i loved was when uh uh colin kaepernick
when he was taking a knee
right all the liberals were just like well hey man it's just like his opinion
man you need you wait
this is a time to listen man and then everybody on the right's like shut the up
and play
football you piece of don't disrespect the flag right and then drew breeze
tweets something
conservative and then all of a sudden everybody on the right's like hey man
this is just like his
opinion man and then everybody on the left's like you racist piece of i'm gonna
cancel you
they literally do this everybody believes in like freedom of speech as long as
you're
saying what they want to hear it's basically and that's why i hate both of
those news channels
yeah i i i actually very divisive it makes my blood boil when i walk into a
house
with people i know and if they're watching cnn or fox like i can't get past the
like when people
watch like the kardashians it's like why would you do that to your brain
it is what it's like i mean it's very toxic it's very toxic both sides and they
they never see any
good points that the other side is making and every video on the internet
starts after the thing
happened and it's like you're always like it's like you're getting eight
episodes in
and you're like what the it's like you don't know what's like if you watch the
last scene of jaws
you're like why the did he kill that shark there's enough sharks dying out
there you didn't see that
this thing was specifically targeting human beings and he needed to do this
right how does that relate
to the news i'm saying when you watch the news people don't like they they're
not filming what leads
up to whatever fucking confrontation happens okay so you're getting a very skewed
you don't know what
happens you know what what what they're saying happens could be what happened
or a bunch of other
shit i i don't i don't understand how i'm supposed to watch something you know
like this there's obviously
obvious shit like that shit minneapolis was the most obvious shit ever that guy's
a murderer and those
other three guys sat around and just watched him fucking do it when guys
calling out i can't breathe
and all of this shit and calling out for his mother was fucking sickening that
guy's a monster had the
audacity to have a shocked look on his fucking face that guy's terrible right
but like what i'm saying
is that thing had all of this you kind of got the whole fucking thing when they
came up you had the
whole thing there's so many other and i'm not just i'm not talking about cop
stuff i'm just talking
about anything taking a little piece of somebody's stand-up routine or a
politician says this or voted he
voted no on this and what it is is the shit that all it's usually the shit that
was attached to it
which is something i don't understand with politics like why can't you just
vote on what you're voting
on like should we have clean water yes we should and then like the that's
attached to it but we can
still dump toxic in here and then when the guy goes to or the woman goes to run
it's like oh this this
person voted against the clean water act this is your tree hugger i'm joe blow
and i approve of this
message well here's here's a good version of that remember the covington school
case there was the
the kid had a maga hat on and the native american was uh beating the drums the
kid was smiling looking
at him and they took it pretending that this kid walked up to this native
american beating the drums
and was smiling in his face and mocking him what really happened is these kids
were on a field trip
for high school they're selling maga hats the kids are 16 they're being jerk-offs
they buy these hats
and put them on they're just having fun right very little supervision while
they're there these native
americans are beating their drums and this guy walks up to the kid and gets in
the kid's face and is
beating the drum now cnn all these people went with this narrative these kids
were mocking them the kid
just stood there smiling while this native american got in his face but the
photo it's disturbing that
those you know there used to be rules on ownership of media yeah i think what
way back in the day
was like a rule of sevens like no one person could own seven okay any
combination of radio tv because
you can literally influence public opinion and that's why like i've watched and
i dude 12 years ago i went
down the federal reserve rabbit hole i became a the guy you didn't want to talk
to about the federal
reserve all of that shit the private thing it's not is this federal is the
federal express i went down
island yeah all of that shit and like watching p i just and i just feel like in
the last i don't know
how many years where it's just all of a sudden they stopped being just sort of
everything they were
i think reporting was always perverted to some level um and now it's just it's
just you're sort of
watching like op-ed pieces so i don't know this is somebody who doesn't watch
anything and reads like
you know autobiographies of football players in the 1950s so on this covington
school kid case they
sued the kids sued and won they you know the cnn paid him out to be a monster
they were getting death
threats and did they did cnn uh issue a retraction i don't know what they did
but they paid him i don't
i don't know what they but that's why i don't i don't like either one of those
channels because of
that and it causes i think rational people like that guy the guy the fat dude
on the bicycle suit
ripping those pieces of paper are those girls hands oh yeah jesus yeah that guy
that is the result i
think of watching one of those channels 24 7 and then going on facebook and
writing in capital letters
could you imagine if you were there watching that guy rip paces pieces of paper
out of a little girl's
hand like that that he didn't even know yelling and are running up to her where
the mother is yelling you
stop touching her get your hands off her i would have oh that was a mom i
thought that was a friend
whoever that was it sounded like a woman it sounded like a woman yelling
because he was a little girl
he was doing everything but growling yeah and then because then it gets to the
point of like what is
in your head that you're trying to defend like what that's a guy but then
everybody vilifies the guy
which i would rather sit down and talk to that guy and be like let me ask you
this when you watch that
you know floyd video like what is it that you see because just yelling at
somebody cancel him and
making him lose his job you're just going to make the guy even more angry and
he probably has grandkids
that he's going to fill their head before before he dies so what's the solution
sit down and talk to
him i think that should be part of it like buddy let's just sit down for a
second you were on a bicycle
you wanted to burn some calories you're obviously into it by the way you're
dressed okay
you're enjoying america's great parks right you come across these kids you know
do you like kids
have you ever attacked a kid before they're just putting a piece of paper up
with the point of view like what what do you think led up to that level of a
response because i have to
be honest like we've all snapped and done i would like to think i have and
afterwards i'd be like
what the why did i argue that why did i say that why did i do that and the only
way to uh kind of
prevent from you being a fucking again is you have to kind of walk back and
look at it right so
going at the guy which i totally understand because it was it was so bad it was
almost comical because he
was a borderline growling at them and uh you know it was really bad he didn't
even get the paper from
the girl he grabs the girl the girl clenched her fist down and held onto the
paper my favorite part
was the sound of his the bottom of his shoes that clip into the pedals he
sounded like a little show
pony he was trying to growl like a tiger and he sounded like my pretty pony
like somebody should have been
uh combing his hair so and i was sitting there going look at this crazy old guy
and uh okay but i don't know how i didn't think how old i thought he was but
then he was like 60 i was
like this guy's like only eight years older than me so he graduated high school
like eight years before
me so like this guy is almost part of my generation like what experiences did
he have that he
looks at this whole thing like um you know i mean i'm not that that that thing
saying all cops are
like those guys it's like no it's like you have to get those guys off of the
force that's what i think
so um i just don't understand like and that was my understanding what they were
putting up there was
specific to the minneapolis case so my thing is as a human being how could you
have issue with somebody
trying to put something up you know honoring that guy or something positive
about that like that's
what i was confused i don't know what she put up i'm not sure what she put up
it was definitely
about the george floyd protest you know maybe that's a great point i couldn't
see what was written
on the paper and i just i filled that in when i watched it but i really couldn't
get over the
sound of the shoes though it was really funny and when he started walking
faster with the bike
it was almost like a great movie trailer for a horror film yeah no but could
you imagine the 60
year old fat bike rider imagine if that was your daughter so i'm a project your
daughter you're
sitting there and that guy runs up to your daughter and he's grabbing the paper
out of her hand he's
running at her grabbing the paper while a woman's screaming at him to not touch
her don't you touch
her yeah i mean imagine yeah i mean there's only one response as a father yeah
murder yeah yeah i
don't like murder no what do you like maim i want him to remember that he did
it that's interesting
that's another level start with the blown out acl and you go from there yeah
beat him with his stupid
shoe why do people wear i actually if i actually had to look up why people wore
those shoes they clip
in i know they do but i'm like what is the advantage of that is there an
advantage yeah i think i think
it's when when you're coming up this way oh you can you can still pull with
your legs so you're getting
more of an efficient oh that makes motion this guy's really this guy's really
into uh biking and not
putting paper on trees don't put their dead relatives in their faces just a man
that would run up to a
little girl like that and grab her grab paper out of her hand there he is click
click click that's
before but that's before he grabs her jamie yeah back it up from the beginning
because this is now as
far as you with your martial art background you got to be impressed with the
way he's using his bike
there no he's sort of like trying to be a little herd bicyclists in maryland to
caught on what does it
say rewind it see right there that's where a bison was caught on video earlier
attacking teenagers
who were posting flyers is that a teenager it's a little girl is that really a
teenager she might be 13.
he just runs up to her he's yelling at her i mean look he's towering oh my god
look at her though good
for her she yeah see that's i think i don't know if that's a woman or her
friend but that girl's got balls
or ovaries i like the little skip step too like a cornerback well he's running
at the guy with the camera
and knocks him over the man achieves his goal okay as much as you don't approve
of what he's doing
he achieved his goal no she's still got the paper i'm just i'm joking he
grabbed her arm whatever
happened to that guy he got charged three charges i don't know but they're
promoting my movie right
there look at that king of staten island what are the odds on demand everywhere
friday you know i would
be in the news with a big old orange jumpsuit on if that was happening to my
daughter oh my god be a
real problem if i caught someone doing that you would be like a badger on that
your biggest problem would be what do i use
i almost think for half a second like you would be you know the elbow what do i
do
choke him what do i do that spinning heel kick i saw you do i if you ever hit
me with that i have
to learn how to talk again yeah yeah joe it didn't happen it didn't happen to
your daughter
right you just went to a dark place there i go there all the time bill it's a
real problem with
i know i do too i go there all the time i do think getting uh talking about all
these protests i think
something really positive is going to come out of this because the fact that so
many white people
are also pro and getting involved in it and so many cops were vocal saying you
know they shouldn't do
that so i think something good is going to come out of this i just agree more i
really do i do and i hope so
too because it's it it's been wrong for way too long and i also hope that uh
that a bunch of other groups don't use this as a piggyback thing
to then do some other shit which will then escalate will make people who want
things to
stay the same they'll be able to shift focus
of like you know like how they try to make like the protesters and the rioters
like the looters the
same people right right where it's just yeah there's only yeah you you did that
and then at night you
did this no yeah the way that so i don't know they're gonna do it anyways i
think there's the once
the looting died down you're seeing peaceful protests that are very encouraging
i think it's great i
i really do i mean that downtown la one was amazing 50 000 people filled the
streets and no crime or
very little nothing i heard of it was just mostly people chanting and holding
signs yeah it looked
promising look they gotta the the thing that disturbs me is this idea that they
should defund the police
you can't get rid of the police what you need to do is spend more money and
train them better and high
have higher standards and do it the way you do the military where it's very
difficult to get in
and you weed people out that are weak like that guy was a pussy that guy
leaning on that guy's neck
like that that guy's a monster there's no way that guy because he knew he was
being filmed too and
he just had no yeah i mean that's like hands in his pockets like he was just
you know waiting for
an uber or something like that makes you think yeah he's a monster yeah and
that guy had been doing
that forever you know there there's new evidence that they worked together and
they fought they they
argued about the way that cop was treating the customers they worked together
at security at the
same club and that cop was a fucking asshole to people at the club and they
argued about it so they
had a personal issue and there's some people that wanted to be elevated to
first degree murder because
of that that he did it on purpose that he knew he knew that guy oh man i mean
it's just yeah they
argued when they worked together apparently one of the guys that worked with
them said that george floyd
was always telling that guy he's a fucking asshole the way he treats customers
because he would mace
people and shit that kind of stuff pepper spray folks he just was the first guy
to use violence
right away yes escalate this he had a history of complaints back to 2006 my
friend joe shilling the
kickbox i'm talking about him again but his fucking page is the most disturbing
page right now
because all he's done over the last five six days is post videos of police
brutality and it's police
brutality on black women white women white old men black old men young guys oh
it's just police brutality
over and over and over and over again there's a problem of racism in this
country for sure
there's also a real problem with people that have the kind of power that cops
have that are weak people
that are that are sociopaths and that's that's as much of a problem as any of
this yeah yeah you
attack the racism onto it and you got a horrible situation but those people are
psychopaths they're
they're monsters that guy who did that you know this reminds me a long time ago
like i'm talking to a security guy and he said the best guys are the guys that
that
they de-escalated yeah he goes you don't because this guy used to put together
crews of guys to uh
i think it was like rock concerts and stuff and he said you didn't want to get
guys that wanted to
fight you didn't want to have those guys because those guys would be a headache
and every night there
was going to be something and there was going to be lawsuits like what what you
what he was saying
you ultimately wanted was nothing to happen yeah so um i remember because i was
joking with him i remember
a long time ago the grill 93 this old dick dority room i remember that joint so
two guys were about
ready to go at it in the club and the bouncer gets him outside okay and this
guy's trying to say his
point of view and he put his hand on his shoulder he goes he goes uh he goes no
all i was trying to do
he barely barely went like that on his shirt and he goes okay first of all don't
touch me that's what the
bouncer said and just immediately it was here and then it became then it went
to here and then those
two guys started yelling at each other and then within i don't know what the
fuck he just twisted
the guy up and took him out and i forget who the fuck i was with we were
fucking dying laughing
it just became a catchphrase between us so he would come up hey bill you're
working this weekend
okay first of all don't touch me just you just you immediately just escalate it
where it just
becomes a what the fuck and then first of all don't touch me from 90 of guys
is immediately going to put you in your ego where it's like oh fuck now now he's
on top of me and
i'm the i gotta i gotta at least get a little get at his eyebrow level i have
to come back with
something else it was inevitable the second he said that first of all don't
touch me i did like the
three slide steps down because i learned that young watching fights you know
you don't want to have a
really good seat because it's like a tornado you don't know where it's gonna go
and you think you
think you're like 20 feet away i had that meant me at a bruins game the old boston
garden and it was
like one of those you know just everybody smoking you probably couldn't smoke
in the garden at that
point but i just remember like like smoky bars and so we went in there and
everybody was hammered i was
hammered drinking like heff and reference remember the green death right like
dude this is like six
percent alcohol so um some like one of those two rows of fans fighting which is
always great because
like the people that are a row up are just throwing down these guys getting
pounded there's always a
loafer laying there right uh mike milbury picking it up so i remember the cops
ran up there and i ran
up two to watch the fight and they started grabbing guys and coming down the
stairs and it was the boston
guard and there was nowhere to go and i just remember this big cop bounding
down the stairs he
literally had a handful of this guy's neck it was like his whole neck and his
jugular and this guy was
i just remember he was going try to try to push me down the stairs try to push
me down the stairs and
he came down like and i was trying to get out of the way and i figured i think
the guy who he had grabbed
like his knee hit me in the back you know i just i just got caught by the
debris of this guy running
by and that's when i kind of learned like uh you know when to how to watch your
fight which you watch
your fight and you're looking at your exits because like i said it's like you
don't know where it's
going to go and uh i learned that lesson so when i saw that guy say that uh
first of all don't touch
me i was just like okay sliding over here let some other people settle in in
front of me i can do i like
them when that yeah that's the same as if yeah you want to be above slightly
above looking down at
and all the altercations you get a better viewpoint there anyway yeah i suck at
it dude i i stopped
fighting in like junior high that was it i just i knew i i mean i just knew i
was like this is not
my thing i can't slip a punch i am slow as shit i got a big head i got a huge
target
this is not gonna go three rounds it's just not um i fought up until like six
around sixth grade i think
i probably had my last one and then all of a sudden kids started to get 120 130
140 pounds and they
started being blood and and people missing a couple days of school after a beat
down i was just like
you know what okay i think i'll be the funny guy
it's weird how things go sideways like that when there's a there's like a
feeling in the air
when whenever chaos breaks out like that and there's a real melee there's a
feeling in the air like
it's just like you you feel it it's like oh this is nuts like this is this is
really dangerous yeah
there's a a a mob mentality feeling that you get that's real weird when things
go crazy i i remember
it took me uh having to leave boston for about seven years i was gone for seven
years before i finally
walked into a bar and just felt the normal energy but i think the city's
changed a lot but like that
sort of that tail end of the the craziness i walked into a bar and you could
just feel it it's like
somebody's gonna get suckered like yeah not now it's about 90 minutes away you
could just feel the
level of drunkness the the energy well guys would go out looking for fights
some guys would go out
looking for fights yeah i knew this guy i used to train with mike blythe he
used to work at the rat
scale he was a bouncer he would go he would wrap his hands he would wrap his
hands on his way to work
i knew a guy i knew a guy tape his wrists and i knew a guy who was a bouncer
and he used to bring
a mouthpiece oh yeah to uh to work but he used to carry it all the time and i
remember when he would
get to when he would get in a fight he would it was something where he would it
was a mouth
guy who'd bite down it wasn't like what you guys wear but it was totally psyched
the other guy out
like he would come out and he would just put this thing in and the guy be like
this guy brought
equipment like what the is going on here and i remember one time he got he got
suckered he knew
it was gonna be a fight and i figured well for some dumb reason he sat down on
the stairs and the guy
was standing above him and one of his friends jumped down and just punched him
and i saw the mouthpiece
it was like buster douglas tyson i saw his mouthpiece fly towards us and then
just i shouldn't tell these
stories because why i don't know because i you know it's my version of what it
was a long long like
you're not naming names it was like 30 years ago and what happened was we were
in an off-campus apartment and i can't believe i'm gonna tell this story i'm
gonna tell the quick
version uh tell the whole version no two of my buddies left to go upstairs it
was one of those
you know those old boston it looked almost like a three-family house but it
wasn't it was one of
those big ones that has all apartments in it right so they left the party we
were on on the first floor
and then they went upstairs and like 20 minutes they came back one of my buddy's
shoulders was
separated the other guy flat lipping and he had a flat top two and maybe had
this big
fucking gash coming right down here blood coming down his face and we were like
what the
fuck happened what the fuck happened is that we just asked this guy for a drink
the whole party started
beating on us so this whole mob goes up the stairs to go fight the party right
and i'm going upstairs
like what the fuck am i doing my big fucking head i'm gonna get knocked out
here but i have to go
because they're my friends so we fucking go up there and uh we hear the party
so my buddy the mouthpiece
guy like the most innocent void ever knocks on the door he goes hey he's like
is there a party going
on in there right and the fucking door opens up and it was like a fucking west
wild west movie like a
saloon fight just fucking haymakers i remember i didn't even want to go in i
was so scared because
i was like oh my god this is gonna be nuts and just the mob just sent me in and
it was just like
everybody's just throwing i remember this dude jumping over my back punching me
in the face right
and the smoke fucking clears and it all settles you know it was all like
fucking 15 second melee and it
all fucking settles and we look at the party and there's like six or seven guys
six or seven girls
and there's like a board game that's tipped over and we had gone to the wrong
party swear to god i know
this sounds like a joke the real party where they got hit was upstairs and i
don't know i don't remember
what happened but they they were actually rich kids and they sued my friends
for going in whatever
the dumb shit they did oh no we all went into the wrong party and they were in
there having like
a couple's thing and they were playing like fucking monopoly or something and
all of a sudden there was
a knock on the door hey is there a party and then everybody just came fucking
running in
like imagine them that's what i'm saying no i feel that's why i didn't want to
tell it because i felt
i felt really like yeah i felt bad when i was in high school the first real brawl
that i ever saw
was when i was like 17 i think i was a senior in high school and there was a
rich kid that moved
into the neighborhood he wanted to make friends so he put on this crazy party
he just invited everybody
so kids from all kinds of different high schools were coming no that's always
good yeah newton north
newton south a bunch of kids from all sorts of other places and uh i happened
to be at the right
place at the right time when i saw it pop off people were already robbing this
guy i saw people taking
stuff out of bedrooms and running down the stairs with it it was real sketchy
because there was way too
many people for this guy's part but then this girl i still to this day don't
remember what she did she
either slapped this guy in the face or she threw a drink in his face i don't
remember i think she
slapped him but what i remember is he uncorked a perfect right hand on her he
know how to punch
like i remember thinking wow this guy's trained because he he snapped it joe
always the commentator
listen i've been doing it for a long time but whatever she did i'm pretty sure
she slapped him but he went
like this i mean it was a perfect right hand hit her right in the face her head
goes back this guy
behind her catches her she's totally unconscious and then chaos chairs flying
bodies piling it up and
i'm on the stairs so i'm watching this through the railings i see the guy punch
the girl as i'm coming
up the stairs i see it all play out i'm like holy and i'm like i gotta get out
of here yes and
it there was pile i didn't i didn't hit anybody and nobody hit me i fucking it
was like a movie like
excuse me part of me crawling out i dodged everything meanwhile uh i was
fighting at the
time i was traveling to tournaments all over the country and fighting so my
friends were looking for
me they're like you know go get joe and there's piles of people brawling and i'm
just ducking the
piles and then i ran into my friend jimmy and i'm like where is everybody and
we gathered our friends
and got in the car and drove off we were laughing our asses off but it was like
when we left the
cops were just starting to arrive there was piles of perfect beating the out of
each
other on the lawn dude i'll never forget it my friend who separated his
shoulder in that fight
we popped it back in and he went back up threw a punch with the same arm and
missed it came out
again and i remember him flopping on the ground like a fish out of water and
afterwards we said to
i'm like dude why didn't you throw the other hand and he goes because i wanted
this hand to get its
revenge i swear like he had made his part of his body like a karate movie like
he had to avenge
his shoulder's death dude that's and i have to tell you something when people
uh talk about you know
you're a funny comedian and blah blah the characters that i grew up with and
what i loved about what they
did and what they said was they weren't trying to be funny like he was dead
serious
yeah and then we were driving home hammered
and we were three abreast uh in in the uh the uh the pickup truck it was this
guy's dad's truck
and he had the flat top so he's got dried blood on his forehead and we're just
driving home and nobody's
saying anything and the dude in the middle has got these sunglasses on and he's
just
sitting there like this and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he just goes
like that scared the
fucking shit out of me and i i did i was like dude what the are you doing and
he goes ah sorry he goes
because i took a little acid he goes i was looking at this bug he goes because
i thought it was on the
windshield he goes it turned out it was on the inside of my glasses now i don't
know if that was true
but dude there's only like i there's no way you could ever reenact how much he
flipped it like how
much you would freak out on acid if you thought a bug was over there but then
your mind told you that
it was on the inside of your fucking glasses and i just remember all three of
us just crying laughing
driving home at this it's just a whole fucking situation and that was like that
was like every
weekend of my life for like um probably like two and a half three years every
single fucking weekend
and we used to go in to uh this there was this club in uh this bar in chelsea
oh boy yeah well
dude i was such a baby face that was the only place where you get served right
so it's a rough place
yeah well yeah it was it was yeah and they were like selling uh fucking blow
out of there so they
didn't give a fuck if you look like you were 12 years old like i was when i go
up to order my my vodka
collins was like the only drink how old were you um i wasn't of age like 19 or
20 probably 20 and i would
go in there and i just remember one time standing outside that bar and there
was this fucking dude who
looked like rob halford from judas priest just totally gacked out of his mind
standing in front of his
motorcycle and he was telling this story about riding his bike and his drug
thing he got stuck
he just kept saying i'm going around the apex going around the apex i am go
around the apex right now
i'm hammered and i'm like making fun of the guy in front of him to my buddy i'm
looking at my buddy and
i'm so shit-faced i'm going going around the apex i'm going around the apex and
he's hitting me because
the guy's staring at me oh yeah no it was it was a uh and i didn't understand
because i never did coke
so i didn't understand what was going on i'm gonna leave it at that i didn't
understand what was going
on but all i knew is i just seemed to be the guy that wanted to go home first i'll
leave it at that
that was a dangerous place boston was dangerous no i i this is when i figured
out what the
was going on was one time i went into the bathroom by myself to take a leak and
it was one of those
things you walk in there was a sink there was a stand-up funeral and then there
was a a stall which
just had one toilet and i walked in and there was two legs guys in there and i
was like what the
fuck are those guys doing and so my dick's already out and i'm taking a piss
and they open like the
thing because they didn't have a latch opened up and they had like the they
were doing blow and i i
was taking a piss because it was weird there's two guys in there i kind of glanced
over as i'm already
pissing i look over and this guy's all fucking hammered like a little werewolf
like what the
fuck are you looking at i was just like pee
didn't wash my hands after that one no there was a lot there was a lot i don't
know why
because a lot of like like easy targets really got hit and i was beyond an easy
target somehow i just
never i i you know i never asked yeah i did i did because i i would have got
really uh i was not as
tough as my friends were my friends were fucking lunatics you know but you know
my great my grade
was cool but like the grade above me and greater below me they were like some
they were crazy but
i talked to friends that grew up in other places they they would they didn't
have the same amount
of fight stories i think boston is a particularly fighty place fighty you know
what i'm saying i i don't
know what yeah uh there was something going on but i mean i think a lot of
those east like new york and
ah fuck this thing's going out um a lot of those uh like i find the people in
like new england long
island tri-state area it's all sort of the same savages savage children of
immigrants that's what it is
yeah but you go out to the midwest and that's like german a lot of slavic
people polish people so i
mean that's i don't know what i think they just had more space out there so it
wasn't as intense you
weren't so like packed yeah you're in a cornfield there's something about boston
though in particular
i think even more so than new york boston was just a lot of fights man my
boxing coach got his finger
bitten off on a fight he was on pcp this guy bit his finger off and uh he had
his toe removed
and replaced his finger with a toe did i tell you this no i remember that was
that was the move back
then so he had it curved permanently so that he could still throw right hooks
so his uh his when you would
shake his hand he would always give you one of these he was like yeah i knew a
guy from boston too he
had this weird looking nose and some guy bit it bit it off and had it reattached
guys lost ears dude
that's why i'm saying why you know right around sixth grade i was just like
yeah this is like becoming
blood sport like i think i'm gonna try to be funny here but yeah there was a
lot of um but there's also
a lot of you know the sports scene back in boston is just uh was was insane
well hockey yeah because
hockey was big in boston and hockey is the only sport that involves actual
fights it's the only
sport where fighting is a part of the sport i'm reading this book right now i'm
reading like i got
three sports books i'm reading right now right i'd read a few in that lines and
then i'm a couple
chapters over here and i'm reading this one called uh bartnett gave it to me
the uh called the code and it
breaks down for anybody i've never understood why there was fighting which i
never quite understood
either i just knew i liked it um it's it's and how the players have to police
the game i i'm not far
enough into the book but it's it's really eye-opening like what goes on out
there these and they have all
these these enforcers talking about it like because sometimes you had to fight
sometimes guys would just
skate out they put them out just the guy being out on the ice sometimes he'd
say something like
hey we don't settle it down out here boys somebody's gonna get hurt a guy would
just
say that and then people like all right okay all right let's fucking sticks
back down everybody play
old-time hockey whatever the fuck he was supposed to do all-star hockey and um
just as far and then
as far as like how there's this whole code of and there's all these there's
like you know the heavy
weights like heavyweight only fucks with a heavyweight unless some middleweight
is doing some
shit and you gave him a warning and he didn't then he has to take a fucking
beating and if he
doesn't take the beating and turtles up that means one of his fucking teammates
is going to get the
beating and then he's going to be a fucking asshole in the locker room i mean
it is it is this whole
web of fascinating shit because everybody just looks at the sport and they just
think oh drop gloves
fucking beat the shit up there's a whole code thing that that is going on out
there that actually
because of that it keeps the game safer which i don't understand i don't
understand i don't understand it
either but i just think it's fascinating that there's this one sport where it's
okay to fight
like what are you talking about the sport you do that's all they do is fight
but that's the whole
sport that's the sport itself but there's no fighting in basketball there's
agreed upon fighting in
hockey that doesn't exist in any other sport where everybody backs off and
these guys go lacrosse you
can do it in lacrosse who the plays professional lacrosse i i don't know but i
wouldn't want to say
that i wouldn't want to say that to one of them this is this full fucking cage
i wouldn't say that but
those guys are savages for no what about the cross-country skiers and all of a
sudden they
got a rifle they're doing like they're in a gun range i mean that's different
that's that stupid
fucking what is that that's not the decathlon you know what that's like that's
like tex-mex food
right asian infused americana that's all it is it's just people people are you
know doing their
version of cross-country skiing like that's like yeah i like that cross-country
skiing whether you
then shoot that's like the beginning of a lot of james bond things they always
seem to be in the snow
yeah well the whole idea is the elevated heart rate it's hard to control your
shot
because i think they're supposed to shoot off-handed too you know they're not
supposed to have a rest
i know see i don't know about hunting and that's the thing that i always that i
lived for on the
hunting shows what was when the guys after the kill and then they're just oh
man i was so scared
i'm just saying all this fucking and it's so i get it if you're shooting like a
lion it's a nerve-wracking
thing because you don't want to up and you know it's because people are going
to make fun of you
no because you're going to hurt an animal you don't want to wound the animal
you want to kill it you
want to kill it cleanly it's and you have to keep it together while you're you're
pulling the trigger
on an animal you're going to end its life it's very nerve-wracking well can't
you just give him the
second one second bullet oh you're saying if he runs away and then he thinks
suffers if you nick it
you know you shoot it in the leg or something like that it's very likely it's
going to get away
die slowly get eaten by coyotes or something it's really bad dude i got one for
you because you got me
watching those videos of animals eating other first of all i love bears but i
can't watch them kill
anything because they don't see the recent one they don't bear took down the
buffalo they don't kill
it why won't they kill it killed it well they just they they kill it because
they start eating it before
it's dead yeah they just hold it down and start eating yeah that's what bears
do i got one for you
okay have you watched the praying mantises videos yes i have do you see the one
where the praying mantis
eats the lizard who tries to eat him well he because he fucking alligator armed
it he was like i'm gonna
kill you he kind of did the little flicky he gave him a little jab and then
that thing just grabbed
him he was like ah what the yeah he like and then started licked at him then
started yeah but if his
jaw but if he let his hands go as you guys say with his tongue i think he could
have pulled that thing
in and crushed him no no praying mantis is so strong they're so much stronger
than you would imagine them
being because they have these little stick arms yeah that i watched one eat a
hummingbird oh yeah yeah
they eat all kinds of shit they eat everything that they get a hold of we're
lucky they're little
praying mantises are amazing i love those little things they're they're crazy
what they can
do to a bird or something much larger than the lizard was the most impressive
because the lizard
thought it was going to eat him and that thing was totally immobilized yeah it
was like it reminded
me of watching the shit that you say well he's passed his guard yeah now he's
going for this that
thing was just like oh it's exactly like that because the the their clamp is so
it's like if somebody got
you in a darse it's the same thing someone gets like uh like this grip and then
cinches it up to a
darse choke you're like trapped in there that's what it was like he was there
it is there's this poor
look he thinks he's gonna get him and he's like you ain't getting nothing but
look how he holds his
mouth open and he's like oh dude i i hate i feel so but this lizard get he gets
away he gets away for
a second but this is what's crazy for a second yeah yeah yeah look at the yeah
he starts eating his
mouth he just starts slowly i know what he's doing i know what he's doing i
love it have you ever seen
praying mantis versus a murder hornet you know everybody's afraid of murder
hornets look at him
he's like fuck what did you do to my face oh jesus he's like in pain he's
shaking it off and the praying
mantis is like bitch i'm not done with you yet like he's in agony and he's spazzing
around and the
praying mantis just locks onto him again and slowly starts pulling him apart
and at the end he's dead
he just starts eating his brain look at that they just can pull that skin apart
and bite right through it
but it thinks so much bigger than him that's like you eating a cow that's like
you holding a cow down
i wouldn't do that look at that he's eating his brain lizards dead as well that
that part's not a
problem for me right here because now it's dead yeah but it died this way i
know it did that was the
part i love it i'm a big fan of the praying mantis i like their technique hey i'm
not gonna begrudge
i just i don't need to pull the video the grizzly uh taking down the buffalo it
was only two days ago it
was in yellowstone it linked me to a 30 minute video of it just fucking up all
sorts of animal art
praying mantis yeah i'll put that oh by the way there's so many fucking people
here it goes
what's this what's he fucking up all kinds of things leaf bugs what is that
that's a leaf bug i think
oh wow what a weird looking creature oh the praying mantis is pink he's uh he's
camouflaged himself oh wow now he's the color of the leaf yeah this is a good
point 10 million views on this praying mantis video they're amazing animals man
what were you
gonna say were you mad about i wasn't mad about anything i'm just like i i you
know
i love bears right yes i love when they ride the bikes at the circus
i love it i love when he rides a bike in the circus oh this is my thing about
that what did they have
to do to that bear when you see what this thing can do to a bison what did they
do to that bear
to get him to get on a fucking bicycle give him food that's how they train him
is that how you did
it i've never got a bear in the back you just just the confidence the way you
said that because i've seen
them you've i've seen them train bears yeah they can train are you one of those
guys who doesn't need
any sleep like of all the random things i've seen it this is the one where the
bear freaks out oh with
the whip the whip that little whip there he's just on a bike i don't think he
freaks out i don't think
he's beating the bear i'll tell you right now that guy's not dressed to get a
fucking to be attacked
by a bear no well the bear's got a muzzle on and it's a little ass bear but
bear is still dude
fuck you man fuck you they got the they got the freddy krueger claws
on all he got four of them he's on a vespa now look at that wow i mean can you
humiliate a bear
even more he's got to wear that frilly outfit now you got him didn't give him a
motorcycle the one
who's a big fan of the bears riding bikes i was joking me too i was joking i
didn't i didn't know
i actually watched a whole training video of how like that's where do you find
what part of the
internet are you on well i don't know i was i was trying to figure out why
people what the
fuck that guy's got a giant grizzly bear on the back of his bike playing a horn
it's playing a
trumpet because he's got any volume on this trumpet let me hear this oh back it
up there
hello
this person that's filming this is an idiot you think it can't break out of
that seat belt and just
did you see the bear flipping them off that thing has on a lap belt yeah what
is the bear doing he's
just imagine this got to be russia right and his only way they would allow this
is in russia yeah yeah
look at the language in the back of that truck he's yelling at the traffic
jesus christ let's go size of that thing my god just throwing his arms up just
thinking about
ripping a person apart no he isn't yeah he's thinking like i used to be in the
woods
could eat whatever i wanted the weird thing about bears is if you train them
when they're young
they're like almost like dogs they become your buddy
it's weird the day somebody tells that bear that it's riding bitch that guy
that guy riding the
motorcycle he's gonna he's gonna be in trouble he's riding on the side cart
yeah he's gonna be in
trouble remember those side carts whatever happened to those you never see
those a motorcycle with
the side car you ever see the racing no they do side cart racing side car
racing and when they go
around a turn okay and it's on the side where the guy's riding the side is
lifted up that guy
he has to stand up dude they're going like i don't know how many miles an hour
he has to stand up and
lean over all the way over on this side of the bike because of the weight of
the sidecar so it doesn't
fall off so it doesn't yeah they can go through the turn at a higher speed i
mean it's bad enough
when you're the guy in the car with the map you ever seen those when they have
two two drivers
yeah the one guy's yelling turn and 100 yards left leg right left yeah those
are those rally drivers
right i never understood that do you know what they're doing they're yelling
out directions of the
road right but they have notebooks that tells them like what what's the next
turn next turn right i
would guess that the course is so long that they they can't memorize it or
maybe it's just through
a town it must be yeah this is a sidecar racing on the back of some the driver
i believe
because yeah it moves over but they're going fast as going really fast
oh my god you're the one who turned me on to those bike races in the isle of
man
i was supposed to go to that this year oh you would be side on the side oh no
no no no no way no i i planted to befriend some people in town with a balcony
even then like god
know some part of the bike could come flying up with uh i want to go to that
before they outlaw it
and they get outlawed just because people die every year more people have died
than years they've had
it whoa and it's still like look at these yeah this is this is so so more than
one person dies every
year that's what that would mean right basically average yeah and i think way
back in the day way
more people died like the safety equipment is much better but as you see they're
going by brick walls
and trees and like there's just no jesus christ when you say safety equipment
like what what the
kind of safety equipment is going to save you they yeah well they have an airbag
which is a really
amazing piece of technology whereas you fall it it can tell when you've let go
of the bike and you're
falling like instantaneously and it protects your uh organs yeah but obviously
your brain's in the
fluid so it doesn't protect that i tell you but the best racing out there moto
gp is the
shit it's better than this um well i don't know i i yeah i would actually say
because i like the
passing there's so much passing what's kind of what with formula one where the
mercedes and ferrari
are just so much better than everybody else it kind of comes down to the two of
them and every
year since i've been watching since 2015 so i'm new to the sport italian gp
right here yes that's
davizioso mark marquez i believe you know these guys yeah wow so mark marquez
the guy in
second place is like he's the jordan of the sports right for davizioso is
actually in third i don't
know who's in first so those uh that's a ducati a honda ducati and i think a suzuki
do you ride
i did for three months out here i always wanted to ride my parents would never
let me so finally
out here i took a motorcycle safety course i got my license and everything and
then i i had a bike
for like two months and it was just it's la is not the place to learn how to
ride and everyone was
texting while driving uh you want to go to wyoming i think i want to get a dirt
bike
um but this is the type of shit like with this racing what i like is like three
or four races last
year on the final lap there was like two guys that would pass each other like
four or five times
um like that shit right there so then you try to come on the brakes the the
latest on the brakes
but not overshoot the turn i mean there's just so much shit that's you sort of
learn as you're
watching i still don't know about it but these guys are fucking incredible
would you begin to go
into a track learning how to ride on a track that seems like the safest way to
do it absolutely that
that is the way to do it and then wear all of that gear and then have fun and
you can like open
up uh dean sent me a video today this guy in a porsche that could go 200 miles
an hour
but he does it on a highway and it's just like you're gonna kill somebody or
kill yourself it's
like take that thing to the track yeah don't do that and and god forbid you hit
some debris
you know what's gonna happen to your car like you uh i just think i think there's
a lot of people that
buy high performance that go into a track either is not available it doesn't
enter their mind like
something like myself like it wasn't until i started watching racing i kind of
learned a little bit
about i'm like oh there's like a track you know out in the inland empire you
know there's there's a day
where the like the general public can come down or whatever you can pay to rent
the track and it's
kind of like you know a lot of these guys you see driving around in ferraris if
you ever the only
time i ever drove a ferrari was i drove one on the track it was fucking
unbelievable like how hard you
could stomp on the brakes without the thing locking up and you're trying to
impress the guy you're riding
with and you think you just want to be like flooring it and blah blah blah and
what you really want to be
doing is smoothly going around the smoother you go both you know on the gas and
braking then it becomes
like this really like finesse thing where it looks like you just grab it by the
fucking throat and
and you know like i said i only did it one time but like i immediately learned
that like made me
appreciate what they were doing a lot more plus it only went around five times
and my fucking brain was
like the g-force yeah like i almost felt a little bit uh like not sick i just
felt a little up like i
think yeah i'm gonna sit down here for a couple of seconds not say it to any of
the guys i'm driving
with hey fine fine i could do that all day jimmy pull up uh porsche rally
driving the dirt road porsche
drivers that's those are the guys that are reading left right left right right
they have like a notebook
you need a driver next to you that's got a notebook that that looks like a lot
of fun apparently that's
a great way to learn how to really drive too is on the dirt same with dirt
bikes because you know you
slide a lot so you learn how to counter steer and you learn how to how to
handle the weight out back
like as it's kicking out learn how to counter it i have this weird thing where
i am fascinated by machines
and i want to everything that i see i want to learn how to drive it or fly it
or whatever but i'm not a
speed guy like i'm just not into like because you're smart going fast i don't
know it's dangerous i like
chilling yeah these guys see the guys there's the guy with the book this is a
regular road look how
fucking so it's got a digital thing telling them what gear he's in and here's
what fascinates me is the
trust between those two guys oh yeah like this guy this guy is driving like a
fucking lunatic and this
guy's looking down at his paper you know when your friend starts driving like a
lunatic you're looking
at him going dude dude slow down slow down this is a road people and trees and
cars and houses on both
sides this guy's flying down this fucking road and he's going sideways all the
time you see him
counter steering all the time we see his ass end kick out like all the time
yeah it's amazing oh my god
and how are these fucking people that are so confident they can stand on the
side of the road while these
maniacs are fucking i used to think racing was just this stupid mindless thing
and now i think it's one
of the coolest sports out there oh it's a very cool sport it's very i like
driving cars just to feel the
mechanical just the gears moving and all the things that are happening i have a
an old porsche on 93
that's uh no power steering it doesn't have a radio it doesn't have anything
that's awesome and it's all air
cooled so it sounds like it's really mechanical have you ever seen it i'll show
it to you after
we're done that red one yeah yeah yeah i wish i had the key with me here i'd
let you drive it
it's fun as fun but it's not fast it's not it's the slowest car i have but it's
fun it's so fun
to drive like you feel everything you feel every bump there's no nothing
between you and the wheels
in terms of steering there's no power you're steering the wheel all by your
hand it's really hard
to steer it's not that safe either yeah you can't make quick turns like you got
to really muscle that
motherfucker i'm like i'm into like look at these guys oh jesus christ but when
i drive look at these
fucking crazy assholes standing by with the guy with the propeller hat he's
just like yep i'm a
fucking idiot i'm enjoying this though look at the fucking height and this guy
catches the ground with
two wheels oh my god does it land good it does land good that's amazing um but
i drive that car to the
comedy store it's my if i want to do like if uh i'm really working on something
or i really want to be
jazzed up for a set i'll take that car to the comedy store because it's so loud
and smoky and
everything's like your whole body you feel it you like you're excited when you
get there it's like
you're on a stimulant yeah no it's it's uh it's fun man like all of that stuff
um look at these guys
you should like you know since the last time i did this this show i got to
finally fly uh an a-star
which was uh what the cops and the uh news guys fly and that was that was the
coolest thing a star
helicopter we should tell people is is the coolest thing i've ever flown as far
as like um
just the power and compared to what you know i fly these little egg beaters or
whatever but
like i did until all that happened um but uh i got one of the last flights i
did i got to fly a
buddy of mine who was training me to get my instrument like i passed the test
um and then
after you pass the test you have two years so i still have two years i have to
december of next year
to pass it so i got to finish that part of it you know did we do a podcast
since you took me up
have you done one since you took me up i think we did i think we did yeah did
we jamie yeah that was
fun we went over downtown l.a and you realize how many of those buildings have
helicopter spots on
the top yeah that was fun man it's just it's crazy to me that with a helicopter
you could just kind
of go wherever you want to go yeah just float around just go wherever you want
to go you can just
stop it it's but what but then what it is is you give up speed yeah for that
design you give
up it has all kinds of drag and just the way it's designed for what you want to
do with it you give
up speed so i get envious of planes where even if you get like a cessna like
they can just fly
though i mean i think even like the some of the smaller ones can fly faster
than the some of the
faster hell i mean you'd have to have like eight million dollar helicopter
maybe that could fly
faster but anything that i've with you can't come anywhere near like most of
them 120 130 knots
and then it depends on headwind or tailwind what's a knot to a mile an hour
well it's it's like it
depends on how uh the wind because you can literally be flying 90 knots and
have like a
50 no not what i fly but a significant headwind um this is all you have to know
on the test and the
second you you take the test you i forget but um you'll actually be going
slower
i've had times like especially out like in like palm desert and stuff where
there's like a venturi with
the way the mountains are and when the fucking the wind comes in which can be
really scary um as far
as how it throws you around you're looking down at the highway with what i fly
and they're going
faster than you and you're just sitting there like and then that's when it
sucks because also with a
helicopter you you the whole time you can't just like take your hands off of
shit right so you have
to you you're literally it's like your porsche like you're you know i'm
imagining like uh trying to
parallel park that car even though it's a lighter car it's a nightmare i have a
68 ford f100 when i
first had it i didn't have power steering dude and it was just like i mean i
remember when you bought
that thing to the ice house that thing is the yeah i love that old truck that's
kind of my thing i like
the trucks and then i like uh old like not pimp cars like the guy who is a pimp
but he's not a pimp like
like you know what i mean like not literally a pimp he doesn't have a stable of
but he's crushing life
like i like that car like uh like if i was going to get another car i would get
a 67 cadillac el dorado
and it's actually the color that i loved that was in that the tarantino movie
but somebody was selling
one and i swear to god if it by the time i saw the youtube video was already
sold i would have bought
that fucking car it's the most gangster man's car like just the back end of
that car it's it's
perfection i absolutely love that car that's a beautiful car 67 el dorado would
you get a
convertible or regular no i hate convertibles do you really all convertibles uh
yeah i kind of i got
i'm a little sexist with the convertible there's one convertible that i like
the one that i have
the 65 corvette no no that's no that that's a 70. no no that's that's uh what
year is that it's it's
the car that the the the woman playing uh margot what's the name margot robbie
there it is there
it is there it is there it is right there that looks like it's green there but
i think it was a
blue not that no not that one over uh the guy with the suspenders right to the
left of that right here
yeah that one there that car oh wow you got to see the back end of that car
that um that's a late
the 67 or 68 or something like that but the back end look up uh 67 cadillac el
dorado rear end
this is what i do while you're learning how to train a uh fucking bear to ride
a bicycle i look at this
shit oh wow click on that first one click on the first one we see a little bit
of the side of the
car i mean look at that that's beautiful that is beautiful you need one of
those in your life bill
i do i need you driving one of those this is what i love about my wife
as i'll show her that what do you think about that she's like that's a good
looking car and
she would be cool if i got something like that i think for sure yeah but look
at that color i'm
too fair skin to drive that you need olive skin no more you could pull it off
you could pull it off
you need one of them paperboy hats though no that that thing would that thing
would
fucking that thing would blend too much in with my beard
i just look like it'd be the ginger mobile what color would you get there uh
there's a year they
got there's a there's a blue that they have um it's not that blue it's more of
it's more of a
look at that red one click on that red one in the middle but look at the front
end and like when your
lights are flipped out look at that thing god look how good that looks in red
that's a beautiful car
oh but the lines in that car that's just like and then that's the kind of
company you're not going
to smoke a cigar driving down the street riding that thing you have to yeah
that's beautiful i think
i'm going to get one get one i know where am i going to put it then i'm going
to be that guy with
the garage put it here you can park it here i'll give you a key i got plenty of
room hey all right
dude this is why you're the number one podcast in the world i'm trying to help
people
i'm trying to encourage uh irresponsible behavior yeah and if you continue to
own your podcast you
can buy something like that and if you don't your agent will buy that yeah i
love them i love
cadillac convertibles too though i don't like um muscle car convertibles after
a certain like mine uh
that corvette that i have out there you've seen that silver one yeah i love
that in a convertible but
that has a aftermarket suspension and aftermarket frame i've seen i've seen all
those cars the fact
that the old ones those frames it's too there's too much bounce there's too
much shake and wiggle you
have to have like a an aftermarket chassis it's far stiffer they make it so
that it's like very very
rigid it doesn't bounce around nearly as much yeah then they should make like a
sway bar or something
that you would put in there because i know in my truck when i take a turn i
have to grab underneath
the seat and hang on so i don't slide into the door they can upgrade your coilovers
and stuff like that
and put a better suspension on it so it handles i have a nice balance of a
little bit of modern on
it and still fighting it so you feel like because it still shifts on the column
which i think is badass
but then when i get on the highway i gotta stay in the right lane you know
three on the tree right
yeah do you have disc brakes on it did you swap disc brakes out i had uh it it
had it had just the
shoes on it and then drums the drum brakes yeah and then i uh converted those
chris fatitis helped me with
those and um then what did i do after that i switched out the radiator because
they tended to
run hot so they put an aluminum one in and um what else did we do to it titus
used to have power
brakes and then uh power steering titus used to have a sweet i think it was a
55 chevy that they made for
him on the show rides it was incredible oh that chip foos car right yeah i
think chip foos made it yeah
it was incredible though just i don't know if he still has it he might have
lost it when he got
divorced and all that jazz but it was no i think he got it back did he i think
he got it back but i i i
like those christopher titus i like those uh those resto mod cars it's sort of
the perfect there it is
there it is look at that thing yeah that's pretty wild damn that is a work of
art god it's beautiful
that's it's all very modified too 56 bel air custom for by chip foos go down
jamie and that one in the
left hand right there with titus right there i think that's him yeah look at
that fuck i mean that's a
badass car fuck that is incredible yeah that car is incredible like when do you
like look at that or
drive that and not smile yeah that's what i i i i don't know i i like also i i'm
into those cab over
engine trucks i like weird what's a cab over engine what is that look those up
those are those were the
trucks uh 40s and 50s and the reason why they had that was there was some weird
law where they didn't
want trucks to get too long so then that affected the so they kept the tractor
trail along and then
they they put the engine it's cab over engine is what it stands for so the
engines below you while
you're sitting there yeah so if you look at some of the ones that people have
fixed up they're
fucking wild that is wild look at that thing yeah wow but the thing is if you
do a gig in like wyoming
you can find an all original one just like sitting in like junkyards and shit
look at that fucking thing
god damn that's beautiful like i always wish like one of those car shows like
fast and loud the ones
i've watched throughout the years i always wish that somebody would do one of
those i had that guy
on the podcast he was awesome yeah he brought his own tequila oh there's
another great one from
when i was a kid that that yellow one uh down that's a ford yep i love those
because that was like
the fire engines look like that thing but it's like what would you do with it
but drive around take it
to the store it's for sale gateway classic cars i know but that's that's like
the dumb shit i like
those uh like those kind of the gmc uh rv from stripes and and you got to do it
in the palm desert
fucking the the the ron burgundy green you like very odd cars yeah well at
first i think you you're
into mustangs and you're into fucking like the gtos and the ones you're
supposed to like yeah and then
i'll ignore what you just did there um and then i mean look at that you got to
get the interior on
that fucking thing it's a scooby-doo mobile that's the mystery mobile no they
had a van you okay click
on click on the one uh you're on the right the lower left all the way to lower
left uh up from the
cluster on the right yeah is that it click on that fucking thing no that's not
it it's that one
which one you want it's the one it's the best green one they have just click
there it is look at that
and inside it looks like a ron burgundy suit like it's the green plaid type
shit get a little
humidor in there drive around do some look at that i mean look at that come on
man that's the fucking
shit so you like those old cars like gtos and i like all of those but like what
i don't like about
them is the baby boomers like them and they have a zillion dollars so then all
of a sudden it's like
you know this is a mustang shelby i'm gonna start the bidding at 250 000 it's
like oh yourself so
i like uh you know i like a 65 ford galaxy that's what frank murphy season four
episode family that's
what he drives uh i like station wagons have you ever seen those icon thrift
masters do you know what that
is um jonathan ward the guy from icon he takes uh an old thrift master and uh
redoes it and they
completely from the bottom up it's the most incredible car it drives like a car
but look at that it looks
insane look at that thing they and they they do it from the bottom up so it's
all like modern brakes
modern suspension beautiful interior that's what i love but then when you go in
inside i want it to look
like the year that that truck was look at that silver one the one that right
above your cursor yeah look at
that yeah yeah i've seen actually i looked that one i i accidentally came upon
that one god that's
beautiful i got another one it's a weird one look up gmc uh i always figure out
the name of these things
were a parade of progress that's what it's called i figure uh that's they would
drive these things like
elephants into town they were like a living room giant like truck rv thing the
are these things called
yeah you got it yeah that thing look at that thing what the how do you even
know about this so so the
great thing is you open the door and there's like a spiral staircase where you
you go up and in there
what they usually had was back in the day because they would open it up on the
side they would they
would drive them in like elephants and make like a semicircle and people would
walk in
what is that i don't know what i don't know what they have in there that's a
yeah that's an airplane
engine or something why is there an airplane engine in the middle of that i don't
know because somebody
oh they customized it power for the air age i think they were it was this weird
sort of uh
after world war ii see there they are in the black and white there they are
like driving it and
driving them into town and look at the steering wheel you were right in the
center and there was like a
little spiral staircase that you walked up because those things go for like i i
forget how much like
two three million bucks or something oh that's 1936 it says parade of progress
so it shows you what
i look at that motherfucker yeah that's just weird shit that's so that that's
what you want one of those
a rolling podcast studio no that is too weird but i i appreciate it like when
you know that old bmw
where the the whole front of the car opens up and you got the steering wheel
like goes out like
disconnects and goes out with the front i haven't seen that one all right i
just it would help if i
knew the names of the cars the steering wheel disconnects mm-hmm it's a setup bmw
i just know
steve workle had it and family matters that's all i know about it that's it
yeah that's how look at this
so how you get in is you you like open the front oh yeah click on the red one
there it is yeah
saying there's a steering wheel oh does it disconnect there's something weird
it seems like
the steering wheel stays but it looks like it disconnects well maybe like it
adjusts and comes
back you enter through the so if you get in a front end collision you got to
kick the windows out
to get out of the car yeah and it's three wheels too there's one vehicle yeah
urkel i forgot about
urkel see his well his came off in the car i met him one time he's like the
coolest guy all right
he's really nice i guess it bends over there you see how it's turned down to
the side oh it bends
and then you step over it whoa yeah i knew there was something there was
something about the steering
wheel yeah there's a lot of weird out there but you like weird stuff you're not
necessarily
like you you you know what this is like to cool things no it's like if you get
into music if you really
get into a band like if you're into acdc right can you really listen to you
shook me all night long
again okay you're like no dude you got to listen to what's next to the moon get
it hot some of that
you know or like uh cod like i like after a while you're just like all right
you know like i would
say shook me all night long is the mustang gt of acdc songs and it's just like
if you're out here
there's a zillion mustangs but it's like you after a while you want you want to
see you know it's
part of human beings you want something a little bit different it's a little
different it's cooler
like i kind of learned from fast and loud that the um was it the ford falcon or
something had the same
chassis as the fucking mustang but like it's just a way cooler car because
everybody goes for like the
mustang you i mean you know you want to spend all that money and then some
other
fucking shows up and he has one too that doesn't bother me ah bugs me it's like
it's like when you're
in a comedy club and then if even somebody just touches on the topic you're
like i can't talk
about that yes i get that because then it becomes like oh they all do that i
get that but there's a
reason why everybody loves mustangs i love them too but i have this weird thing
where i love the interior
up to 66 but i like the back end on 60 67 68 yeah i like that back end but i
hate but that's when they
got this shit steering wheel like the steering wheel and like in in the 60s
looks like an old
school steering wheel and that one that they have in 67 or 68 was when they
first came out with that
one that one starts to look like oh cars are going to get ugly now quickly the
last muscle car that i
like that that i that i vividly remember like the last year would probably be
the 70 camaro with like
that shark nose front tooth i like that and then there's a few there's a buick
riviera the boat tail
from the early 70s that i like um i'm really into those big two-door sedan sort
of like uh
you know he he's his own man kind of car oh yeah i love those cars i fucking
love those cars and um
you know i'm trying to think like there's a few cars in the 80s they really tapers
off though but i like
ford trucks right up into 86 i didn't like when they did the first that first
design of the
aerodynamic headlights i didn't like but then there was one in the early 90s
um the one oj had that front end on his bronco that one is the yeah i saw one
yesterday exactly like
like oj's like totally restored i i like muscle cars up into 71. 71 seems like
the last year like
71 barracuda still a really nice car then it gets into 72 they start looking
sketchy 73 they look
sketchy the worst thing was they kept the they kept the model name and then it
was just completely
de-balled yes like when your friend starts going out with just some total cunt
and all of a sudden
he can't hang out anymore like there was that era you know the mustang 2 cobra
oh yeah once they got
into the 80s with mustangs they were useless the late late 70s early 80s and
once the gas crisis hit
they started making economical mustangs mustangs that didn't eat so much gas
they were useless
it's just a it's a hard fall between if you go from 67 to 77 it's like what the
happened to you and also the mustang got all fat like the mach 1 and everything
it just it was like
kind of got into its elvish years you know hey i'm the mustang i'm resting on
my laurels here
well there's no pizzazz to them you know like late late 70s 79 mustang there's
no pizzazz this is
how bad it went it became so quickly if you watch like the remember the game
show network i used to
love that because i i was in fascinated with prices you know and like they
would be like uh like they
actually tried to pass off a chevy vega as a sports car really and these people
were losing their minds
and i remember the chevy vega like a lot of like you know guys who knew about
cars back in the day
they would try to like jam corvette engines into because they couldn't afford a
corvette so they but
they knew about you know how to build cars and stuff so they were real light
too yeah there was always
somebody had one of those like an el camino up on blocks yeah i'm gonna finish
that someday man
yeah and el camino is a rare breed of person that wants a pickup truck that's
the chevelle that's
really what it is it's like a chevelle front end it looks good in the front and
then you get to the
back like oh and then i and then the early the 80s look at that look at that vega
yeah that was
considered sporty that's back before girls had butts um well girls with butts
didn't get put on tv
not funny yeah that's another amazing thing like how do we what what what
happened when we realized was
it sir mix a lot like what woke us up yeah he made the ass mainstream i'm gonna
give him credit might
have been before that who else was it it was all about tits yeah white guys
were running shit and it
was about tits i don't know why it was all about titties something happened
something happened and it
became uh asses became really important but then i think like yeah because now
the fake ass
i think is probably more prevalent than the fake like remember by the 90s was
like sort of the apex
of the fake titty you'd watch porn and the tit almost looked like bloodshot
there'd be like veins
on the side like they'd stretch the skin you see oh yeah that was really bad
that was a really bad
yeah fat bottom girls before that yeah before it but yeah i don't think i don't
think yeah they
didn't he was still freddie mercury prancing around in the video i think for
that yeah good song though
yeah what was it like where who was like no it wasn't jennifer lopez god bless
him because i was
always an ass man always i always just felt like that was the nucleus of a
woman if she had a nice
ass the rest of her body was going to be nice i didn't give a shitty guy eat
cup tasty great they
won't be hanging on your knees when i'm 50. bald smoking a cigar doing a
podcast
it's weird though that the like the shape caught on it's very strange like the
what what's injured
what what guys are attracted to changed well i think because white people were
so dominant
with fucking owning everything that their idea of beauty became
the standard and just generally speaking idea beauty changed too that's what's
strange
it's like i would say it's somewhere yo mtv raps somewhere around there
just making up somewhere around there i'm gonna give ed lover and the other dr
dre
credit i think it's it happened around the same time girls lost their pubes
because when we were in high school all everyone had pubes even in college
everyone had pubes
the apex of pubes was the 70s yeah but you were proud of your pubes in the 70s
in the 70s yeah
dude i remember like you'd go to the public pool and the chicks
had like the bikini it was like coming out the sides
and i remember thinking while i was a little kid like oh my god he can see your
pubes
yeah pubes were hot now pubes are disgusting it was muffs yeah if you're a girl
and you got a full
bush now you're a dangerous woman but then i would say that that was probably
dr j in the aba crossing
over made women proud of their muffs what just my joke i mean there's no
research we just started
talking just making this up but there's it there is a clear shift that happened
it's just like what
happened what what made that clear shift porn caused the people to get rid of
the pubes that's
definitely what happened because porn led the way they they trimmed the pubes
first and then
everybody trimmed the pubes and now it went too far yeah now no one has pubes
no then it
went too far yeah too far yeah like a little bush yeah i would like yeah you
should look like a woman
yeah yeah not like a cancer patient yeah yeah so listen if you're banging me i'm
just happy
happy you showed up god bless you take it on for the team yeah you can find
beauty in everything but
when i was a kid i mean everyone had pubes it was a thing it is a that's a
weird
weird moment in our our culture that we all just decided pubes are disgusting
i think more that they need to be maintained yes if there's going to be a
camera an eighth of an inch
from it and then
gynecological yeah so so what's this movie you did uh it did this movie is
called the king of staten
island uh judd apatow pete davidson look at your mustache oh yeah oh you need
one of those in your
life why don't you grow one of those um keep it it was really annoying to eat
with because club soda
kenny told me i because he was the guy i was saying am i doing this this right
here because
there's a whole way to grow it where it's like he goes all right he goes if you're
gonna do the cop
fireman one he goes the hair has to go over the over your top lip and kenny had
all these great old
ids from when he was a cop and um what is this movie about it's uh it's sort of
autobiographical um
of pete davidson's life where he's playing a kid whose dad is a firefighter who
died in a fire
it's not 9 11 like pete's real dad um and it's basically his mom hasn't dated
they just sort of
froze which i you know i think was something that kind of happened in in his
family and then all of
a sudden his mother started dating and it was weird for him so basically uh his
mother you know through
whatever circumstances don't ruin it i end up meeting her after me and pete you
know his character i don't
like his and i'm coming to his house to yell or whatever and then i see his his
mom played by marissa
tomei and then all of a sudden you know you know we click or whatever we start
dating whatever and
then he hates it and the comedy ensues but it's you know it's got a lot of
heart you know it's not
100 comedy but um yeah marissa tomei uh dom lombardozzi uh steve buscemi no it's
streaming
everywhere except netflix it's uh it's gonna be like it's like that movie that
kid movie trolls whatever
they did is what universal is doing with this one where it's going to be
anywhere where you can stream
movies so it's supposed to be in the movie theater it was going to be the movie
theater and then all
this stuff happened yeah so then uh people who make movies are deciding uh we're
going to hold on to
some of this stuff which they're doing with some movies this thing fortunately
they're going to put
out there it is apple tv verizon youtube google play amazon prime basically why
wouldn't netflix hop on
board with this come on netflix um i don't think there's a it's a come on netflix
thing i think
eventually it'll probably end up there but i think first they do this this is
the way they're
going to get their box office i guess you get it on microsoft how many people
are buying movies on
microsoft you'd be surprised i would be that's why i'm asking there would be i
would think
that's such an easy answer you'd be surprised that's like a that was like a
political answer i had no
answer for you let the record show many people are buying it on microsoft um
yeah so do you think
this is a good thing that movies are being forced to stream i kind of like it i
mean i don't want
movie theaters to go under but i do like the option of being able to watch a
newly released movie at home
yeah i think everything's going to adapt but i don't think the movie theater is
ever going to go away
because i i i still enjoy going to the movies it's also it's a way to get out
of the house you get a
sitter you you reconnect with your wife that's right we're friends popcorn this
is fun all of a sudden
your jokes come back right you're having fun oh like anytime i hang with my
wife like if if we get
like uh a couple days away it the magic instant oh yeah instant comes back and
then when we get back
to the house it's like the grind again and we just start laughing we're like we
gotta remember we gotta
remember those two days so the key is to have those two day little things
enough that you don't forget it
so you don't start fucking growing apart do you guys do date nights yeah yeah i
do date nights for
my wife we were doing them when i was when i was at the store all the time when
comedy was up
uh i was doing them on saturday night because she didn't have to get up early
in the morning
for the kids take the kids to school so she could be rested and refreshed didn't
have to go to
school the next day so didn't have to get up on sunday so it was a it was a
good day so i just
would take sunday off a stand up yeah we do date nights and this is the thing
as much as women seem
impossible to guys especially someone like me with all my fucking issues it's
like just something like
that does wonders yeah for your your connection and um then we also had like
once a week we were doing
like uh before we got pregnant again we were doing uh a family dinner and that
was the best and what
we were going to was a bunch of like uh just mom and pop places in like the
valley and out in pasadena
and stuff like that are these places that are just you know legendary in you
know in that area but they
don't have a chain so it's cool because you feel like you're giving you know
regular people
money and business and we would go there and when like that was a big thing
when i was growing up
before you had all these screens and all of this going out to dinner with your
family yeah i remember
being excited they used to have this chain in massachusetts remember pewter pot
yeah they basically
they made muffins somehow they were a chain that made muffins and then they
expanded into having full
dinners and everything was made out of wood it was very like uh 70s and that
was like a big thing
my dad came out we're going to pewter pot tonight and you were like psyched and
i would always get
whatever like cheeseburger and fries and then a blueberry muffin such a weird
order but i was a
kid and you wouldn't get fat it was awesome so i want my kids to have a little
bit of that that sort
of um i don't know i'm probably romancing it but i think it's it's because it
was from my childhood
but i think it's an important thing to do like that yeah i'm a big fan of mom
and pop restaurants
there's a place we used to go to in uh woodland hills called brandy wine and
the uh owner uh peggy
and chris the owners there was the the owners one the female owner was the chef
and the male owner
was the maitre d and they were a married couple they've been together forever
and they went when
we met them they were probably i want to say in their 70s like pretty deep in
their 70s there was
they were already fair fairly along pretty far down the road there and they
eventually sold the place
they sold the place when it was sad you know and then some new people bought it
but i think it went
under now but uh it was a great little place a small place it didn't seat very
many do you know i get
over that sadness i get old because that really used to depress me what i look
at was like you know
when they opened this restaurant and they were young there was old people that
were upset about
whatever they cleared out and it just happens you know what i mean like well i
was just upset that
i couldn't see them you know i just enjoyed their company it was it was always
you know we had been
going there for 10 years it was one of those places what i do is i take the
humanity out of it joe
it's a cycle of life it's just like the praying mantis and the lizard i know
dude i tell you this
fucking this fucking uh this whole quarantine thing really i like i never
realized what a
fucking idiot i am yeah you're telling me that you were just everything i'm
doing why the
did i just do this why did this need to be on here you want why joe no big deal
you're a clean
freak or something look at me i'm i'm cutting up his ashes like it's coke
yeah that takes me back to chelsea going around the apex
i have a cocaine memory from uh i never did coke but uh of this lady doing it i
was coming home from
kelly's roast beef joe rogan coke wow that's what i'm saying i'm smart enough
to realize it's not for
me yeah well what about me yeah we were driving i i can snap on weed i don't
need to be doing coke
weed and an espresso and you're ready to fight we were uh driving back from kelly's
roast beef do you
remember kelly's roast beef from revere yeah great you know what's so funny i
don't think i ever went
there really i drove by it a million times i was going by cappy's liquors on
the way up to the kowloon
roast beef was great remember cappy's liquors yeah i do yeah near kowloon yeah
you drive up there
kelly's roast beef had clams too didn't they have clams those fried clams i
always that was one of
those places i meant to get to i always meant to get to that and then that
steakhouse with the giant
cactus oh yeah that's right i'm gonna eat that place what the fuck was that
hilltop steakhouse yes
yes and i was gonna eat there someday i always asked my because i just love the
cows the fake cows
out front and we were living on the north shore then so we would drive my dad
into work and we would
always go down uh route one and we would go buy that and i would think like you
know and there was
also a a hockey rink up there that had a bruins emblem that they were allowed
to use before like all
the um the corporate people really like you can't use our logo so that bruins
thing and i was convinced
that's where the bruins practiced i went to hilltop steakhouse once and it was
for some reason i
have it connected in my mind with a boxing match that was on tv because i was
so bummed out uh sugar ray
leonard fought terry norris and uh i know that name i should say terry norris
was a monster and so
so was sugar ray when he was in his prime but he got older and he fought terry
norris and terry norris was
a fucking just a demon he was so good and sugar ray just had no business
fighting him and i remember
eating food just being bummed out just just thinking fuck is this just what
happens to all these guys
like like they all decide they all decide one more fight one more fight let me
let me do it and he
came back and beat a few see if you can find that couldn't you imagine if your
body broke down in around
35 you couldn't do stand-up anymore you definitely try to go for one more set
yeah but it's different
it's different it is i thought it was the same you're right it's terry terry
norris totally different
was in his prime and he was just so fast and elite and sugar ray was just i
want to say he was like
38 or something like that i don't know how old he was but it was it was hard to
watch
from madison square garden in new york but that's not something i when i think
of sugar ray leonard i
don't think i mean what what about that division he was in oh my god dude hearns
duran and leonard
well he fought haggler long you know i mean he came back and fought haggler and
then haggler retired
after that one loss he's just like i'm good but it was just watching terry norris
yeah he went to
italy and started making movies yeah hilarious movies i had a buddy of mine
that is convinced
that fight was fixed i think by the italian mob and then his payoff was they
gave him a movie career
in italy it might be true your buddy might be right there's something about it
that i've watched i'm
like man it almost looks like haggler's taking something off of his punches and
also i just don't
see him doing that i don't think i don't see him ever doing that that's why but
i also didn't see him
retiring i think he might have gotten on a decision on that fight because that
fight could i really felt
could have i was such a hearns i'm a hagler fan and i also what about what
about tommy hearns being as
tall as he was but could make that weight um when he fought sugar ray i think
he was only 22 and he was uh
147 and sugar ray stopped him after angelo dundee gave him that that speech in
the corner you're
blowing it kid you remember that i'll never forget that i don't you know the
one i remember one of the
greatest ones i saw a corner guy was that uh corrales castillo fight oh and
when he gets in the
corner and he'd been knocked down uh for like i don't know how many times kept
spitting out his
mouthpiece and they took away a point or something he gets he goes into his
corner and i remember his his
his his manager or whatever whatever you call the guy is in the corner he goes
he goes you better
fucking get inside now i don't even know what that means i forget he said that
and then this
fucking guy charlie murphy rest his soul told me about that fight he's like
bill you gotta see this
fight he goes i woke up my whole family it was a wild ass fight and he actually
charlie he was such a
funny guy man he hurt his foot that's how much he was into it like when he came
back after getting
knocked down and then knocked out the other guy i always forget corrales castillo
uh was uh corrales
is is is the guy who won that fight right well they fought more than once i
believe um diego corrales
yeah he's the guy and he died on a motorcycle exactly i was gonna say yeah
terrible yeah i'll tell you an
underrated fight when i back this back when i had time i used to watch this was
uh evander holyfield
versus michael dokes oh do you remember that fight that was a great one that
was a great fight holy
field had so many great fights what do you think he was a that guy was a
warrior is yeah coming back
do you know that i don't want to see that he's training michael mike tyson's
training they're both
training in their 50s yeah here it is michael dokes yeah it was i mean it's
just amazing how much
longevity holyfield had and holyfield started as a cruiserweight i remember
when he beat dwight
muhammad kawi for the cruiserweight title and then uh gained all this weight to
go up i remember when
he was a cruiserweight in the 80s when i was lifting and i was young and all
that shit i was like that's
that's the body i want that's what i'm going for of course i couldn't get it
but i was like that's
the shape i want to be in how stupid i look if i look like that oh you look
amazing going on stage
telling jokes just wear something that covers it up a little bit what a poncho
like going out with a big square body josie wales yeah
yeah you flip it over and you got a mikey take it out
yeah oh my god this is round look at the people standing up i mean this was
just
did you oh man now watch stokes oh right hand that's it they stop it that was
it
richard steel was the same guy that stopped julio cesar chavez and meldrick taylor
with like two
seconds left to go in the final round when meldrick taylor was up on the fight
and julio cesar
chavez dropped him meldrick taylor got up and richard c was like yeah are you
are you ready to go on
dude he has more muscle in his trapezi whatever the fuck that's called and i
traps i have in my
whole fucking body he's he's a specimen holyfield was a specimen what's
interesting about holyfield
too he was like the first guy that ever really put weight on successfully like
he had this uh this
crazy strength and conditioning program that he did to go up to heavyweight
where you know he was
fairly thin when he was a cruiserweight and started lifting weights and lifting
weights back then
most people thought lifting weights was terrible for you there was a lot that
was a big thing in
basketball don't lift weights it's going to up your shot they thought you were
going to like
send the ball past them well you know what it is it's from being stiff and sore
when you're stiff
and sore it does you up it's it fucks you up with boxing it fucks you up
everything but it's a matter
of doing it correctly so that you your body recovers enough so that when you
actually fight you're not
stiff and sore but you have all that extra muscle this is great by the way cars
fights cigars
cigars praying mantises men stuff come on yes i love it right yeah yeah though
that that era of boxing
man those are the the golden era when we were kids my god you know abc wide
world of sports
get up and watch the fights yeah i remember watching the leon spinks uh muhammad
ali they they showed it
on tv it must have been a replay i remember watching that and just kept
thinking muhammad ali was going to
come back it was the one that he lost yeah uh against leon spinks uh i also
remember the the
the uh mike tyson uh michael spinks fight and i remember the pizza didn't even
get there
and i remember my buddy was all excited dude my dad ordered the fight and they
had just finished their
basement and we went downstairs and we were sitting there to watch it that it
was over in like 90 seconds
and i just remember my buddy he got off the couch and he was on all fours like
an inch from the tv
just screaming what the what the because we didn't understand there wasn't the
education mainstream
education of what a body blow did to you so unless somebody got hit in the head
and that mouthpiece
went flying we didn't understand because that last shotty was a hook to the
body and you didn't
understand like literally their internal organs just slammed to the other side
of their rib cage you
didn't understand that that was happening here it is here's the whole fight
yeah this was an amazing
amazing moment because spinks was another guy who went up from light heavyweight
beat larry holmes
and then became the heavyweight champion then is fighting tyson but yeah we
were yelling this spinks jinx
because we just wanted we were rooting for tyson but we wanted to see a fight
spinks had a good right
hand but he just you could see he's he's paralyzed here i mean he's fighting a
guy that's just so much
bigger than him and he's getting smashed mike tyson was just such a force in
nature at the time yeah
spinks just really had no business fighting legitimate heavyweights he fought
larry holmes
when larry was past his prime and you know beat larry by decision but oh i
thought he beat him bad
i thought like that was like oh no you know i'm thinking of was was the time
holmes fought ali yes and
he was looking over at the ref like what the are you gonna stop that was bad
people to the to the end of
larry holmes career didn't appreciate him because that they they loved ali so
much so you heard him
with this right hand here and then he's swarming on him oh i remember seeing
this video of muhammad ali
promoting here it is right here boom body shot he goes down
spinks gets up referee gives him an eight count he says i'm fine oh i thought
he went down on that
one that was a body shot and then he gets hit with a right hand right here tyson
steps
bing there it is oh that was oh flat i see i forgot about that yeah
he's just like this man his body's like this dude do you realize the balls it
takes to
walk oh you do you did it jesus christ i mean those guys you walk into an arena
shirtless scary
that's amazing what's really scary is it's like you think about it for weeks
and weeks up to it and
obviously i never did it at this level but at that level when the whole world
is watching and you know
that this is a just an enormous moment and you just got waylaid by one of the
greatest heavyweights of
all time and flattened that was a crazy you know i was watching about the uh he
was so fun to watch
because he annoyed so many people because he was so cocky and he had such a
weird style was that that
prince uh not to see oh my god is that guy fun to watch oh he was amazing you
know tyson had syphilis
in that or not something like that in that fight no that was uh buster douglas
did he yeah he had the
clap or something i think it was this right i think it was the fight he won
yeah the the fight when he
fought buster douglas he just didn't train very hard for it just really was
just dominating everybody
and just took it for granted and buster he still almost won still dropped buster
and to this day like
if you watch that fight when buster's down it's more than 10 seconds yeah but
the thing was he didn't go
to the corner fast enough i thought and he picked up the count i thought he
would have got up i don't
know i remember where i was when i watched that i remember all of that i was at
my buddy mitch's house
we were upstairs and on his square tv and i was like you know because you cheer
for the underdog
and he was all bummed out going i want to see mike lose and i was just like i
didn't realize what
i had lost as a sports fan because you're losing greatness not that he's not
great but you know what
i mean you wanted to see that undefeated right keep going thing and then
afterwards you know it's a
weird thing but the buster douglas in that fight you know the whole story
behind it his mom died yeah
and he was devastated and so he was always a really really talented guy that
just didn't work hard
enough but that fight he trained like a he trained like a real champion
probably because he came out
yeah didn't want to face didn't want to think about it so probably just focused
on he was that maybe also
he was like doing it he was dedicating it to his mom but he once again the
human element that i just
removed i just yeah you're you just i'm a robot i am i am is this what you're
finding out from this
the the pandemic being locked up and having too much alone time like that yeah
i understand i
understand my anger now i don't know how to fix it but i understand what is it
what is your anger
it's feeling like i'm not going to be heard and things are going to go in a way
i don't want them to
be so the second isn't there's a suggestion different than mine i catastrophize
in my head
and i don't just go be like well you know what actually i can't do that because
i'm doing joe's
podcast maybe i could do that tomorrow i just hear the information and feel
like i have no power and then
i go oh what the fuck then my wife's like i just asked a question and then i am
so up here i have to
like it takes it only takes me like two minutes and then i come in i put my
head to the side of her
head and i just go i'm sorry i don't tell you you married a up you blew it you're
not good you're not
good at reading people you have no one to blame but yourself like that i
apologize like an asshole
no my i and that's another thing too there's another thing too is i've i also
in this have
never loved my wife more you know gave me a son and it's just like it's one of
those things where
you know you just said that's a beautiful really sit there going like i am
really like i am way way
more of a fucking asshole than i thought i was i knew i was but i i didn't
think i was that bad
so you realize you've got issues but you don't know how to solve them that's
what it is
i i realized that i had issues that i thought i was passed that's what me up
but so you feel like
like all right so i've taken care of that now i can focus on this and it's like
no no this is still
in this pile you thought it was six feet high it's 12 feet high and it's it was
uh um yeah it was
demoralizing so don't you think no one is part of the way to fix it though yeah
but then you have
to go through the torture of it of because it's not like it's not like you know
like the dr phil episode
you need to understand you know fucking yellow people whatever the fuck and you
go okay thanks phil
and like you're just going to go do that it's it's like then then you have to
do the work and it's so
easy to just go back into your your yes it's a deep groove worn into your
personality and you're
trying to get out of the rut and it's just easy to go back into it and just be
on autopilot
that's why people like psychedelics because it separates you so much from who
you are you get a
chance to look at yourself it's one of the things that comes out of it i should
have done that when i
was younger can't do it now like right now on this podcast i don't think i don't
think a little bit
of a professional i'm supposed to be promoting one of these feature films we've
already done it
we've promoted it looks great i'm excited i'm excited to see you with a
mustache
oh so you're saying i'm done and then i can now do this you could do a little
drugs
just a little mushrooms be good for you listen joe i know you're an influencer
but you ain't gonna win on
this one influencer that's a dirty word to me i will be uh kids get out of the
house and they're
fucking great people hopefully if i did the job then then so when they're 18
okay we'll go when
they're 18 i'm gonna take you somewhere all right when i'm 70 and you're 71
yeah we'll get blasted
together on mushrooms yeah i'll finally get that catalog the pacific northwest
which will be burnt to the
ground once they the the looters take over those six blocks they're eventually
going to expand to 12
there'll be no more seattle the trees will regrow yeah don't say that how great
you ever played the
more theater love it there it's great i love sea i love seattle i'm a big fan i
used to love that uh
bellevue place the the pool hall that was a it was a pool hall connected to a
comedy club remember that
did you ever do that place i never did that one went under went under real
recently it was
great trying to remember the name of the place but it was in bellevue and uh i
first went there with
calen calen was the one who told me about it i was like this is this is my
dream a pool hall connected
to a comedy club this is the greatest thing i've ever heard of i love that guy
he he's one of the fastest
minds that's unbelievable how funny that guy is it's very funny dude there it
is the parlor yeah permanently
closed talented guy too i saw him one time with the bow and arrow just talking
all of this and somebody
hit him he hit a bullseye and then he did the next one he split his arrow
talking the
whole time yes where'd you do this at this guy's house that had one of those
things that was
dead luck brian is a terrible archery he doesn't know jack about archery hey
listen i know what i saw
were you dreaming no i saw this he talked the whole time and he did it it was
great it was like i was
watching a movie i bought him a bow listen i gotta tell you something i think
you need to move him a
little bit higher up in your brain he's one of my best friends that's how you
talk about a friend
i love him i bought him a bow i bought him a hoyt carbon spider really nice bow
never used it once
he goes wait i gotta use that bow i gotta use that bow one day i'm like get a
he's probably
doing he's probably standing on the string doing curls knowing him maybe he
boxes likes to go to the
boxing gym likes to mix it up he goes in there it's bars i'm like brian you're
gonna get brain
damage you're 53 years old you can't be getting punched in the face yeah but he's
like a jason
statham 53 because you gotta you have to know that dude now that we're these
old fucks
okay we're hanging in there because you see people i see at this point i
remember that's when i first
felt old was when i would meet people after shows and i'd be like oh this guy's
got at least five
years on me and i find out they were five years younger than me like i'd be
like 33 i'd be looking
you're 28 and he was like a real 28 married three kids and i saw what that
looked like you know uh you
know you know this business this business you get on like like i love the
harassing to a point on uh
on social media harassing the yo hey uh you know hey billy booze face hey billy
fat tits and all that
like that motivates me like i look you gotta honestly look at yourself like
they're right yeah they're
hanging a little bit i need i need to do some push-ups they will fucking bully
you into getting
and it's all how you process the information no yeah there's something to that
yeah this look you're
talking about fat shaming i'm telling you that if i wasn't in this business i
would be a fat fuck
i'd get those blonde oreo cookies root beer floats i would be fucking hammering
that shit
so be in the business and then and then yeah because then on twitter i would
just have the
fucking the the picture just the egg one you know when nobody knows who you are
and i could be a fat
being like you know just giving people you got a little fatter since the last
movie i would have
a blast doing that how's your shoulder it's great it's better because i've been
uh i finally that was
was another thing is this like the shoulder thing also caused me that i had to
slow down
and like the patience you need to rehab it like you're sitting there with like
at first it's just
the weight of your arm doing the crawls up the wall then you lay on your side
then it's just the weight
of your arm and then a tuna can then i went into a can of clams and now i'm up
to the pink weight the one
pounder and then this is the big this is the big tipping point when you go from
one pound to two
pound as ridiculous as that sound you're increasing the weight load by a
hundred percent and that's
when you get hurt because you want to get like i used to be able to do like 15
pound you know 20
pound 25 those those sets you used to do yeah and now i if i've you know when
it's really hurting
i reach for some salt i'm like it resets it so what i do is i just get slowly
work my way up to
three sets of 20 and then when i go to two pounds when i do it i'll just do
three sets of three so i'm
way beneath the weight load that i did and then you gradually it requires all
of this patience that i
don't fucking have what is wrong with it um this one i had a bursitis this one
i actually i i
fucked up something else and this one is totally fine now but i'm not using it
as much because i'm not
using this one so i i do the rehab on both sides just to keep them equal i've
been doing a lot of
core work a lot of back that i never did which is how my shoulder got up
because i just did the 80s
things you know this did everything up here right what i could see i worked on
so all back here was
like we can't hold this so everything my my shoulders bowed in and one was
higher than the other
and then eventually it just got pinched yeah yeah i just do these fucking
things i know that's for
this but i didn't do anything for your shoulders too for the middle of my back
or lower back all of
this i don't know what the i'm talking about you ever use bands yeah bands are
a good way to not get
hurt i'm a big fan there's a a product called uh crossover symmetry and it's a
series of uh different
weight bands i'll show it to you out here i have it attached to one of the um
uh bars one of the cages
and these uh these bands they come in you know 15 pounds 25 pounds 40 pounds a
bunch of different
weights and you take these things and i do a whole series of exercises with my
shoulders it's great it
keeps everything strong and you're not really you know you're not pushing it
once once i get weights
yeah i'd like to look at that i'm not going to do it but once i get to a
certain level of strength
but the thing is you can do it it's not going to hurt you because you you're
not you're just doing
it lightly like you got a lawsuit coming your way buddy look this is oh i just
thought of
something i just forgot something that i learned about myself with that shit
that'll come to me
as far as like with rehabilitation yeah but it also came into my personality
just something that i i
kind of oh this is what i learned about myself and why i didn't miss stand up
because it was
freaking me out is because what i experienced as a kid straight across the
board uh made me go to this
mental place of like i don't care it i don't care i don't need it i don't give
a shit and that caused
that caused that's what caused everything to get walled off and that actually
feeds into rehabbing
injuries because it was a big moment for me where i got this
fucking console thing that i'm trying to put in my podcast studio and they're
supposed to deliver it
and bring it in there right so the day they were going to deliver it my wife
went into labor
so i went to the hospital and then they showed up and i didn't want them going
out in my garage i got
all my memorabilia and shit i just didn't want people in there unless i was
there so i said i just
have them drop it off i thought it was going to be a box and it was already
assembled and it was
fucking big right and it was also the weight load of it i was just i was like
ah fuck it if i keep
my arms in like this it's mostly biceps and i was going to do this and i was
going to do this stupid
german-irish fuck it and what it was going to do was going to set me back
once again like i had a big setback in february i had an acting gig and they
said hey it was just a
stupid little action thing there's a wall put your hands on it hop over can you
do that i'm like yeah
my shoulder feels pretty good and the second went like that i felt like
lightning go down my shoulder
and i was like ah fuck right back to the fucking tuna canning and all that shit
so i actually
had a friend come over we were gonna do it i said you know what dude i i i i
owe you a
a fucking dinner or something i'm not doing this and i called up this guy that
i knew who has a
construction company i go you got a couple of strong young guys that can just
move this thing in there
and i just had them do it and and like and that's like something that i'm
pushing through where
um it helps me as a comic it also helps me deal with highly emotional shit
because i can just shut
shit off and just do what i have to do which works like back in the day when
you're going to do letterman
which was fucking terrifying it's freezing cold and you just have to be like
fuck this just it's just
fucking people this is just a different shiny floor that's freaking me out and
there's an icon
sitting at that desk i i i had the tools to shut that off which is great for
that moment but it's
terrible for the rest of your fucking life like there's shit that's like i just
realized there's
this shit in me that i needed that i i have not dealt with death of friends all
of that
shit is just sitting in here and i think that's also like when people then go
like oh hey can you do
this oh what the fuck like like it's not all just that i'm not going to get
what i want a lot of that
is like you got all of this shit that you're sitting on so you're sitting on
all that and you haven't
so then it just it the only way for the steam to come out is like for you to
snap or whatever so
which is really not fair to the people around you to be honest with you so i
don't know have you
gone to therapy yeah yeah yeah what about meditating you ever meditate yeah but
i find the guy's voice
is fucking annoying you don't have to listen to a guy every time i'm getting
there he starts
fucking talking again and then he's using this really soothing caring voice
that makes me face
all of that shit that i didn't get growing up which makes me angry at this
person that's trying
to help me wow yeah quarantine is not a bad thing if from what it's worth you're
always fun to hang
around with i always enjoy your company i don't have any issues with any of
your crazy because i have
a crushing need to be liked so i tone down my cuntiness when i'm around you
listen my wife knows me hang out with her one time she'll tell you some stories
i'm sure yeah
well the you that i get i like if that helps you yeah you know the deal you don't
know anybody till
you live with them all right you know
i will not accept your compliments that's another part of my personality
who's the guy that's running the meditation app that's annoying you
do you know whose app you're using i don't want to put the guy on blast but
yeah i do
okay let me know and he's great he's great he's great what he's doing he's
trying to help people
i understand yeah you should do it without an app dude i got i have a story i
can't say i can't say
what i said nowadays i can't say what i said but i remember one time i was
playing pickup hockey
and i suck right but i'm having a good time out there i'm just you know i'm out
there trying to
get a sweat going right and you know i'm having my head down and we're playing
no contacting because
i had it was really my fault i had my head down on this guy knock me down on
the other team and he
goes are you all right yeah what i said to that guy i still regret
i was so mad at him that he was caring in that moment like and that's one of
those things it was
like what is wrong with me wow so you you're really trying to come to grips
with all this right now
yeah because i don't want to pass this on my kids that's what happens and it's
just like
yeah when people are like uh if people say my kids are not like me like i'm
like good
that's weird but i do think that a lot if they're like oh yeah he's you know
she's like you know happy
go like i'm like great like i forget what somebody said one time about my
daughter because she's like
she's this angel right and they made some sort of you know a comic made the
comment you know thinking it
was gonna hurt me and i was like yeah dude that's music to my ears i don't want
i don't want to be
like me but don't do you think they were trying to hurt you when they said it
no it was one of those
comic things where they don't have kids so and it was the guys and they don't
know what to say
so then they got to like make a joke like i had a buddy of mine a comedian on
my birthday he goes hey
happy destroying your mother's uterus day
and i just remember laughing going like oh there's a guy has to do a little
more work than i have to
or you're just i can say i can say i know but i mean i know what it is it was a
boston comic
and he couldn't just say happy birthday because that would be gay right so he
has to
go to so over correct that has to go to that level it's so stupid it's probably
why guys die before
women you hang on to and there's all that stuff you know you can't say you
enjoy a sunset
joe you can't do that why can't you shut up but i know why i know you do i know
but the thing about
you is you can also beat the out of most people in a room so you got that so
people can
be like oh wow you know they actually want to hear that from you when they see
you spinning heel
kick they want to know that you enjoy a sunset because like i don't want if
this guy's as angry
as i am and can do all of that what are my odds of getting out of here so you
want to see that out
of a guy like you but a guy like you don't want to see it don't want to see you
enjoying a sunset
joe i don't read i don't i don't know what it is i am too i am too in here to
understand me
this is interesting i have a very i have a very weird thing i have an alley of
my personality that
works that i somehow turned into a living yeah but the rest of it looks like fred
sanford's yard
old radiators and bed frames and shit it's a mess it's interesting because i've
never seen you this
introspective where you're really trying to work it out you're really thinking
about it more than i've
ever seen you think about it before you've always joked around about it you
know in all the years
i've known you it's always been a part of the things you talk about but it
seems uh much more
at the forefront of your consciousness right now like something you really need
to work on you really
realize like this is i gotta fix this yeah i think it started last year doing
the movie oh he brings back
at the movie um it was there was a bunch of that i had to play that i never had
to play before you want
me to be a loud fucking asshole i can do that but then all of a sudden like uh
i had a lot of anxiety
about a lot of the stuff like my character had two kids and like the first time
i meet the kids it's
classic acting where it's just like you just show up i remember i took this
acting class this guy brendan
hughes he was great he was saying like he was talking about what it's like to
go on a movie set
it's just like how you have to have access to all these emotions because you're
showing up
and it's just like okay uh you're this guy and this is your dad and your mother
just died and action
and it's just like what because that's the way it goes it just goes real quick
so yeah so i have to
play like this uh so i got two kids here so the first day i met them we had to
do the family photo
they wanted to have one of those things in the background for a scene so you
have to and i'm
sitting there going like ah you know i gotta i gotta act like i love these kids
the way i love my kids
like and that was really confronting for me as far as how i'm wired well you i
don't need
anybody so uh i i had like a panic attack before like really even that thing
like just being like
just that comic thing where uh you're just like dude i just i stand on stage i
do
shit jokes for a hour you give the check and then i leave i smoke a cigar it's
leave me alone right and this thing here it's like no you you're now on a
schedule
somebody tells you where you have to be so like you know i was like a cat on a
leash
all of a sudden like yeah i have to be all these places so i was freaking out
about that
and then the the i had to do the picture with the kids so what i did was
i just i got myself into a really silly mood and i was deliberately i was
joking with all the other
actors i was making fun of myself i was joking with anybody that had anything
to do with the movie
i got this really silly stupid move and i just to get myself in that headspace
and then i met them
i started joking around about what i look like and this is what your dad looked
like and then they
started laughing so when they took the picture we were actually laughing about
a joke i was making
about myself and then i looked at the pictures and they they looked they looked
real they looked like
i love these kids so i got over that hurdle so like throughout the shoot you
know obviously the
shit yelling at pete it's like i can fucking do that all day but all that other
stuff and it's like
okay and you know jeb would be like okay and then you meet margie and you're smitten
and it's like
smitten i i you know i've never had i've been smitten in life but i've never
you know as a comedian
i don't think you ever really go on stage any of you were to do something where
you were smitten you're
you're making fun of that emotion and the stupid things that you do and it's
like no we need you to
play this real like you really have just and i'm like oh so i'm like into her
he goes no i'm you're
love struck like a lightning bolt and i'm just like and it's like oh jeez like
i i don't know
how to fucking do this and you know fucking and then oh my god i'm in my head i'm
in my head
this person's won an oscar then i think i suck you know just going through all
of that
shit so it took me probably uh two weeks on the film i was two weeks in they
had shot enough of my
shit where i was like all right they're not gonna fire me i can kind of relax a
little and then after
that i had i had a i did i had a great time i had a great time best time i've
had on uh any acting
gigs and i've had a lot of fun throughout the years so i think that's what sort
of started it and i was
kind of like you know trying to communicate it to my wife and she doesn't know
what i'm talking about
she's like you're doing a movie this is great and she has access you know opposites
attract so she has
access to all of that she's actually a you know a way better actor than i am
and
stuff so i i she helps me out a lot so after those two weeks i was able to
chill and then i had a great time and i got over a bunch of hurdles and i was
kind of like oh this is
like growing as a comic where it's like okay i i know how to do this as a comic
what if i try to act
something out oh that's not my safe space now i start feeling like an open mic
again they're not
going to like me i'm like stop getting spots at the store go home live home
with my parents i start
doing that shit yeah it's a whole show going on up here joe did you watch it
after it was done
yeah i i watched the initial cut of it and then i saw the vinyl version of it
and everything did you
enjoy it yeah it's one of those things you just to you you know everything that
was there and wasn't
there and like uh and like especially with jokes like there there was there was
some you know there's
always going to be stuff that you oh god i wish why did they cut there i wish
they put this in but
like as far as like the movie itself i loved it how it worked and the way they
put it together and
there's the opening scene that's in the movie initially was in the middle of
the movie and
somebody judd i don't know who came up with the brilliant idea to put that
scene first and it totally
changed the tone of the movie and it didn't that's when it like took off
because i saw a real raw cut
and it was like this is a bunch of funny shit and like everybody i've ever
talked to who edits a movie
like when they watched their first cut in the movie they're like oh my god i'm
never gonna i'm never
gonna work in this business again i just wasted my fucking you know i was
actually uh talking to one
of the actors who had directed one of my favorite movies uh uh trees lounge steve
buscemi made that
movie and he told this whole this hilarious story about the well you know when
he the first cut that
he watched of it like he just like went home like a zombie you know like going
oh my god like how am
i gonna make and it's such a great movie by the time he was done editing it but
his first
like look at it so that helped me out a guy as good as him having that type of
thought i was just
like oh geez i think that all the time you know this guy's an icon if he thinks
that then this is
normal so like all right i guess i'm kind of normal to think this shit so yeah
so they i think that
started it and then i just kind of would have just been happy to get through
the movie and then that
would have been it and then i had to be quarantined oh we all got come on i'm
talking like myself
typical self-involved me everybody's quarantined and then that just became me
sitting around and i was
like i'm not watching tv because this is just gonna
fucking make me feel like claustrophobic watching all this news and
shit trying to be informed so i kind of went away from that and then i was just
in the house with me
just sitting there and everybody was asleep it's fucking just thinking thinking
but not in a bad
way i i don't think i don't know well it doesn't seem like it's a bad way it
seems like you've isolated
some of the things that you you have a problem with that you need to work out
yeah i mean that's uh
that's one great leap on the way to figuring it out is knowing what you're
trying to work on
some people go to their whole life not understanding what the fuck is wrong i'm
jealous of those people
i grew up a lot of those people those people watch tv all the time no they just
they are who they are
and they just fucking do that there is something i you know that i have
actually
so fucked up there's people like when i look at people that just do whatever
the they want to do
you know like who doesn't want to just fucking eat a large cheese pizza and
then finish it off
with a pint of ice cream like those people that do that i know they pay for it
but there is something
to be i'm reading this book right now on uh bobby lane who's a quarterback for
the uh detroit lions
and there's all these legends like his story is so legendary you don't even
know where the the the
legend isn't where the truth is but like this guy art donovan used to tell a
story about you know he
was on the other team and he sacked him and you know he's getting up and bobby
breathed on he goes
jesus christ man where the did you go last night and bobby allegedly said last
night he goes i had a
couple of pops at halftime you know these guys were fucking lunatics and he
lived this life where he
had this wide array of friends uh really progressive where he he like you know
through playing sports he
had uh african-american friends and if they were to go in some place and they
said your friend can't
come in he goes no we're not fucking going in i mean this guy was doing this in
the 50s and 60s right
and um he was always like that and but he died at like 58 or 59 and it was hard
for all of his friends
to see him you know not being like the legend but there's a great part in the
book where he's talking
about his life and uh like knowing that you know he probably should have gone
easier but like this big
smile came on his face that he kind of did it the way he wanted to because
believe me dude i would
love to go home and kill a bottle of bourbon right now i would love to smoke
another fucking
five of these fucking things but uh i got too many people dependent on me but
uh there is something
to be said about living you know those people they just like i like booze i
like it i like getting
drunk and and just if i want to do it every night i'm fucking gonna do it i
live at home i want to
get a pizza i'm gonna have a fucking pizza you you do pay for it but there is i
i made me think of
like well what's me from motorhead well what's yeah what's that life like yeah
as opposed to being
like well you know i gotta make sure i eat my brussels sprouts and i flake
a bit and you kind of inch your way to death as opposed to just being like it
pizza tastes good i want a pizza it i'm having one let's try every bourbon that
guy like i love
that in the lemmy doc when he just had all those bottles of bourbon the
greatest thing in the lemmy
thing is when those guys were saying lemmy goes hey you want you want some jack
daniels they go yeah
and he takes a bottle down and then hands both of them their own bottle and
they were like what the
fuck and he starts just drinking out of this like he's having a coke
dean del rey said something hilarious about when he watched the lemmy doc he
goes dude if i saw that
thing when i was in my 20s and i knew lemmy was going to live to be 70 he goes
i never would have
stopped his last days were rough though i remember i think everybody's last
days are rough unless you
drop dead but his last days on performing i mean he he basically performed
until the wheels fell off
there's a video of him like one of the last shows that he did where he had to
walk off stage in the
middle of his performance he was such a badass even like just the way he had
the microphone the way he
would sing where he just came in the fucking bass was all low yeah can't teach
that man that kid was
fucking in his dna well he lived it that's for sure and he is a legend and
there's something to be said
for that there's it's all what you put your energy to yeah it's kind of how you
like i you know it is
it's the balls to live that life yeah indulgent and wild yeah we're like this
there's all this
heroicism to sobriety but i which there is yeah being sober and just taking
life in the face every
day is is hard and i think uh to see somebody but that has the balls even with
all the surgeon general
shit as i'm sitting here smoking a cigar looking for a toothpick if you have
one um no no toothpick who's
got the piece of stick right there you can turn that into a toothpick i can't
fucking stick it in here
this is why i had to stop cigars because i'll smoke it right down on my fingers
yeah whittle that thing down jesus christ joe give me that stick oh is that the
way you're supposed
to hand somebody a knife well i was gonna oh you were gonna do it yeah i don't
need you joe i don't
need anybody good luck you need a roach clip you want another cigar so you don't
have to do that
i mean we have no this is the best part that's the best part of cigar yeah it's
mostly you get
the smoke goes right to you yeah yeah okay i feel like i'm in therapy i feel
like i'm a therapist right
now listen don't switch to kid glove tone with me all right i'm just around
here i'm sorry bill see
that just uh just trying to assess the situation oh are you is that what your
training has taught you
you talked to all these whack jobs on your podcast
the lemme thing is you know that's one of the things that people love about
them right because
everybody knows you're supposed to eat well everybody knows you're not supposed
to
get up every night everybody knows you're supposed to be responsible and mature
and
and smart but what he did was just wild it didn't work no no it's gonna be
slipping look at him there
he was just wild wild to the end and yeah and i think you need you need people
like that you do you
do because you can get a lot out of the way that they live where every once in
a while you'll be like
you know what this let's go let's be lemmy today yeah you get you get great art
out of those people too
those wild people the bachowskis and the sam kenison's and the lemmys and
the people that just go hard there's something to that yeah there's something
to that too
yeah and there's also something to people that are stoic
you know what's interesting to me is the just the range of people i can get i
can get things out of
people that just drink water and meditate and i'm fascinated by them i'm
fascinated by people like
i was watching some uh do you know uh russell simmons he lives in like where
does he live in like
bali or indonesia or something like that he was doing a an instagram live
and he's doing it cross-legged with like uh some crazy yoga shawl over his
knees and
shit and like it looked like an ashram and he's like he's he's basically
talking like a yogi in an
ashram like this guy was the head of def champ yeah and he got like really
really into yoga and now he
lives in some country somewhere and just does yoga i was doing instagram live
talking to people
like like uh like a guru yeah i ain't gonna go that hard i'm not either i'll do
uh i'll do a yo i mean
i i kind of do my own version of yoga just that i've learned do you do a little
yoga i stretch all
the time yeah i have to because i i uh you know you just get to a certain age
if you don't i mean you know
yeah i love stretching yeah you kind of got to do all of that so anyway enough
of that you ever take
a yoga class yeah like hot yoga you ever do that i almost i just felt like i
couldn't breathe yeah
and i remember too also like my back was up that's why i went to the class and
the put like the position
she started out with there was the twisting was happening too quickly so i kind
of just went down to
the mat and i was doing all the thing and the teacher got like all freaked out
by it really
she's like come on you know let's try to stay with the class you can't be like
busting out all these
different awesome and i just started laughing where i was just thinking like
this is all supposed to be
about listening to your body and you're literally you're like the oil man in
here trying to control
this is your own little economy and just the fact that i you're walking around
like you got it all
figured out you got 99 of people here all doing what the you say and one guy
goes down to his mat
because his back is up and you process it like i'm with your authority in a
yoga class
so with my broad brush i said hot yoga
it's hilarious yeah yoga teachers like everything else you know some of them
you're going to enjoy
some of them are going to be really good at it and some of them are going to
annoy the out of you
what annoys the out of me is when they start giving you motivational advice and
telling you how to live your life you've got to learn to let go of things like
for me and then
tell some personal story and so yeah what i got out of that like jesus christ
can we move on here
i didn't come here to hear your first grade i used to go to this one tree
psychology it was a great
class it was a great class but the dude he had it was awesome i like i was
after a while i would go i
was just psychologically breaking this guy down and something happened to him
at a gold's gym i don't
know what happened to him like he just was forever making fun of muscle heads
and i was thinking you know
because i've had the hybrid thing going on like i love you know back before i
fucked up my shoulder
i loved lifting weights i loved going to the gym and all that and i liked the
energy in a gym
you know i i i liked it and um the old school ones right when the guys used to
walk around with the
towels tucked into their you know that and he was forever on it and then
another thing
that he would do would he would uh also somehow steer it toward like a subtle
comment about love making
and the way to and he was putting out like his vibe that he was good in bed at
the same time
that's a yoga guy move oh you know and he had the little ponytail and it was no
it was like a
will farrell character it was funny it's just like this is like it was like a
real life like will farrell
like uh like just really just like i know everything kind of vibe it was he
wasn't as bad as that but
it was just that the whole yeah it was funny though and i used to sit there uh
yeah this was like this
dude in new york i remember it was hilarious and what was hilarious was i was
bad at yoga if there's that
you're not supposed to even say that if you're doing it man you just you know
wherever your body's at is
what you're supposed to be right and i just remember when he would walk around
the class and
he would adjust people he'd always skip me and then adjust some hot chick who
was way more flexible
than me and it's just like really i'm doing it right as i'm sitting over here
for some reason i never
needed an adjustment of course and it was this was like the 90s so you could
get away with this
shit there was a lot of adjusting like this almost cupping a titty and fucking
like yeah
shit on the hips and stuff yeah hey god bless him it's like a pied piper you
got all these hot chicks
in there and you get them all stretched out before he banged him and it worked
so i couldn't hate on
him for that but it was i i to get through the class because i have such
fucking add i was just
there was like a comedy show going on within it like you know like a house and
then i got a couple
buddies like you gotta go you know we'll do it you know like a bet when he's
gonna how many
times he's gonna shit on the gym um what does he say um what would he say he
would talk about he would
talk about the muscle heads coming in there and they had no flexibility and you
know and how uh
everything was all like overdeveloped but you know he we'd always be doing some
fucked up uh pose or
something and he goes this works on your psoas like what machine in the gym you
know is there a psoas
machine you know like i can't remember it's like it was a long time ago and um
at first it pissed me
off it's just like well i like doing curls what's wrong and then it just became
funny to me there's a
specific type of guy that's like that i went to a yoga guy once used to singing
classes he wound up like
he wound up banging this lady that was there there was a lot back in the day
you can't do it now there
was a lot of banging back then there's a lot of this was like uh i guess this
was late 90s early 2000s
maybe and he would sing in class and it was so cheap it was so disingenuous
oh yeah like you would do these like yoga songs i'm like you are so gross
i'm glad i wasn't the only one no no but there was but there was some really uh
good ones that i found i found out you know some yeah there's some really good
ones
this is really this guy i go to i mean you hear him talk you think he's going
to be annoying he's got
pierced nipples the whole deal but he's really sincere he's really into it he's
so gay he's so
gay it's like oozing when he talks but you know he's just so good the way it's
so gay like the way
he talks we're here we're here you're supposed to be here let it go and but
that's who he is like he's
comfortable he's well that's the thing i love his class well that's the thing
as if as if it's genuine
yeah yeah yeah then it becomes this great thing yeah um that's who he is he's
uh yeah it's it's like
whoever the you are if that's who you are like i like it i don't i don't want
you to try to sell me
on who you are like the guy with the love making it goes the last two hours of
this podcast
the selling you on who they are is where it gets really gross pretending to be
something they're not
not being i mean i like flaws it's good we all have them you know so my
favorite people are all flawed
i don't mind yeah and it's not even that that guy was flawed he was just uh he
was just
like normally you would think if a guy was talking like that teaching a yoga
class like this is not
gonna be fun but it was great yeah there's a lot of people that are really good
at it man it's just
finding them you know so i like the place that i go to i just look at the
schedule i'm like oh that's
a good one i'll take her class i like him he's fun yeah and there's this one
dude he has weird tattoos
like real strange like it always has to be clean too because there's so much
sweating going on i hate
when you go like those hot yoga classes there's just no way to get this the
floors were sweating
like there's just no way to he's got to accept it it's so good for your body so
good for your
stretching too because you can get into positions when you're doing hot yoga
that you're not going to
get into and it's like really stretching that tissue out and extending your
range of motion i love it
i'm a evangelist for it though i tell so many people to do it a lot of people
have listened
but more people just get annoyed well i love that when you guys do the sober
october you know when i
watch segura and uh uh kreischer dry out and like three weeks in they start
looking like movie stars and
they start looking like they're going to get a lot of people to get a lot of
people to get in there and
we had to like compete to see who can get the the most fitness points and stuff
like that ari got
a fucking six pack like ari got shredded like he doesn't even work out before
that he was never
working out and over the course of the month by the end of the month he had a
legit six pack and he
looked great he was he's always pretty wiry though yeah he's thin yeah he got
fat at one point in time
because he was eating nothing but candy he was literally eating candy all day
long he was always
he was like a bag of gummy bears with him and shit like that but then i gotta
play i don't know if i
still have the message when we're done with this i gotta play the message him
congratulate me having a
kid it's so arty it's so fucking funny
but yeah he uh he dried out with that and then uh didn't he never gained it
back but he never
never had that six pack again he was shredded because he was super competitive
he was really
trying to win it was really interesting it's interesting to watch i and i and i
liked how
bert would do it too where bert would have like he would always have like a
crazy build-up that was
totally against what he told me this story about him running the fucking uh la
marathon and like
drinking the night before it's just like dude you could have fucking died and
he never really trained
for it but he but he just but he he he's mentally strong he just got himself
from this mindset of put
one foot in front of the other and i am not stopping until i get to the finish
line
26 miles it's a fucking hell of a haul for a fat guy he did it yeah he won't
catch me doing that
no no marathon running no do you ever run at all um no i wasn't i i used to uh
ride a bike
i did that for a while where i and uh i got so into it i remember one time i i
actually was drinking
in the afternoon and i still had to go on a bike ride i got on a bike shit face
it's it was sweating
this is the 80s too no helmet no nothing and just fucking rode like like 12
miles
and i never had heard the expression i never felt hitting a wall
i like whatever the electrolytes or there was just nothing left and i was like
six miles
this east coast there's all kinds of hills and from my house and i was like
i i don't think i i don't what am i gonna and there was no cell phones like
what am i gonna do
so i just kept riding and then it was like this five minute like i'm gonna die
i'm not gonna get
through this and then i just got to the other side where the i think my body
was just like all right
there must be something like death must be chasing us so we need to go into
something else here and i
push through into that that's what they say happens when you do those ultra marathons
those people
they get to a point where they think there's no way they can keep going they're
doing 100 miles and
they're 38 miles in and they're ready to quit but they just manage to just keep
left right left right
left right and eventually you get into a zone and you're you cross the finish
line
20 hours later hey god bless him now that's that i would just say well that you
have all the people
handing your cups of shit and you can just tap out there's a lot of things you
have to do in those
those 24-hour races you have to eat like you run dry it's not like a regular
marathon
yeah no i'm i'm not yeah those triathlons bill bird has been a great therapy
session thank you
um i'm excited for family season four coming out tomorrow i don't know how you
have time to do that
how the fuck do you have time to do efforts for family as well as stand up as
well as all the
other shit you do play the drums delegation yeah you you you surround yourself
with super talented
people you do your job they do their job and you're able to um you're able to
do that able to do it
but i i i i needed this break though i'm not gonna lie to you i needed it too i
didn't think i needed
it i thought it was fine but now i am like chomping at the bit to get back on
stage i can't wait and
i yeah i miss hearing people laughing and hanging with comics and hearing the
crazy
shit they say next time i see you i hope it's at the store yes or the troubadour
the troubadour
either one either or i'm in bill bird ladies and gentlemen thank you so much
bye brother all right
all right was that good