Bill Burr Had a Run-in With a Creepy Yoga Instructor

Do you know Russell Simmons? He lives in like, where does he live in like Bali or Indonesia or something like that? He was doing an Instagram Live and he's doing it cross-legged with like some crazy yoga shawl over his knees and shit and like it looked like an ashram and he's like, he's basically talking like a yogi in an ashram. This guy was the head of Def Jam and he got like really, really into yoga and now he lives in some country somewhere and just fucking does yoga. He's doing Instagram Live talking to people like a guru. Yeah I ain't gonna go that hard. I'm not either. I'll do a yoga. I kind of do my own version of yoga, just shit that I've learned. Do you do a little yoga? I stretch all the time. I have to because you just get to a certain age if you don't. I mean, you know. Yeah, I love stretching. Yeah, you kind of got to do all of that shit. So anyway, enough of that. You ever take a yoga class? Yeah. Like hot yoga? You ever do that? I almost, I just felt like I couldn't breathe. And I remember too, also like my back was fucked up. That's why I went to the class and the position she started out with, the twisting was happening too quickly. So I kind of just went down in the mat and I was doing all the thing and the teacher got like all freaked out by it. Really? She's like, come on, you know, try to stay with the class. You can't be like busting out all these different asanas. And I just started fucking laughing where I was just thinking like, this is all supposed to be about listening to your body. And you're literally, you're like the oil man in here trying to control, this is your own little fucking economy. And just the fact that I fuck, you're walking around like you got it all figured out. You got 99% of people here all doing what the fuck you say. And one guy goes down to his mat because his back is fucked up and you process it like I'm fucking with your authority in a yoga class. So with my broad brush, I said, fuck hot yoga. That's hilarious. Yeah. Yoga teachers like everything else, you know, some of them you're going to enjoy. Some of them are going to be really good at it. And some of them are going to annoy the fuck out of you. What annoys the fuck out of me is when they start giving you motivational advice and telling you how to live your life. You've got to learn to let go of things like for me and then tell some personal story. And so when I got out of that, like Jesus Christ, can we fucking move on here? I didn't come here to hear your first grade. I used to go to this one. I used to go to elementary psychology. It was a great class. It was a great class, but the dude he had, it was fucking awesome. After a while I was just psychologically breaking this guy down and something happened to him at a Gold's gym. I don't know what happened to him. He just was forever making fun of muscle heads. And I was thinking, you know, cause I've had the hybrid thing going on. Like I, you know, before I fucked up my shoulder, I loved lifting weights. I loved going to the gym and all that shit. And I liked the energy in a gym. You know, I liked it. And the old school ones, right? When the guys used to walk around with the towels tucked into their fucking, you know, that shit. And he was forever shitting on it. And then another thing that he would do, he would also somehow steer it toward like a subtle comment about lovemaking and the way to, and he was putting out like his vibe that he was good in bed at the same time. That's a yoga guy move. You know, and he had the little ponytail and shit. It was fucking, no, it was like a Will Ferrell character. It was fucking funny. This is like, it was like a real life, like Will Ferrell, like, like just really just like, I know everything kind of vibe. He wasn't as bad as that, but it was just that it was funny though. And I used to sit there. Yeah, this was like this dude in New York. I remember it was fucking hilarious. And what was hilarious was I was bad at yoga. If there's that you're not supposed to even say that if you're doing it, man, you just, you know, wherever your body's at is what you're supposed to be right. And I just remember when he would walk around the class and he would adjust people, he'd always skip me and then adjust some hot chick who was way more flexible than me. And it's just like, really? I'm doing it right as I'm sitting over here. For some reason I never needed an adjustment. Of course. And it was, this was like the nineties. So you could get away with this shit. There was a lot of adjusting like this, almost cupping a titty and fucking like, yeah, shit on the hips and stuff. Yeah. Hey, God bless him. It's like a Pied Piper. You got all these hot chicks in there and you get them all stretched out before he banged them and it worked. So I couldn't hate on them for that, but it was, to get through the class, because I have such fucking ADD, I was just, there was like a comedy show going on within it. Like, you know, like house and then like a couple of buddies, oh, you thought you got to go. You know, we'll do like a bet when he's going to shit. How many times he's going to shit on the gym? What does he say? What would he say? He would talk about the muscle heads coming in there and they had no flexibility and how everything was all like overdeveloped, but we'd always been doing some fucked up pose or something. And he goes, this works on your psoas. Like what machine in the gym, is there a psoas machine? I can't remember. It was a long time ago. And at first it pissed me off. It's just like, wow, I like fucking doing curls. And then it just became funny to me. There's a specific type of guy that's like that. I went to a yoga guy once used to singing classes. He wound up like, he wanted to bang in this lady that was there. Oh, that was a lot. Back in the day, you can't do it now. That was a lot of banging back then. This was like, I guess it was late 90s, early 2000s maybe. And he would sing in class and it was so cheap. It was so disingenuous. Like you would do these yoga songs. I'm like, you are so gross. I'm glad it wasn't the only one. No, you guys are famous for that. But there was some really good ones that I found. Oh, fuck you. I found out some- Yeah, there's some really good ones.