#1141 - Theo Von

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Theo Von

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Theo Von is a stand-up comic and podcaster. He is the host of "This Past Weekend with Theo Von."www.theovon.com

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That's what a professional does. Professional turns that bitch down. Down, huh? A non-professional or someone who's half-assing it, they keep that phone up. Really? Yeah. Have you seen that? Yeah, some people keep that phone up. They check that phone all the time. They'll check in the middle of podcasts. Russell Peter can't leave his phone alone. Really? Try getting through a fucking whole podcast with Russell Peter so that I'm checking his tweets. What? Impossible. Impossible. He's checking things. Some people just read off tweets and say, oh Doug Benson used to do that. That's wild. You can't read off the tweets. I'm trying to get away from it if I can. I'll find times if I'm going to go eat now, I'll even leave it in my phone in the car. Yes, power move. And I hadn't done that before. I just started and it's not even a natural choice I'm making. Almost, it's like something I need to do. Yeah, it's a chicken chit move, right? You're scared. Scared to leave it in there. Scared. Scared to leave that phone. What if something important happens? What if something... I need to know. But there is a thing, like what if something important happens? Yeah, but what is, do you think... When does that happen? Super rare. But if it did happen while your phone was in the car and somebody needed you, you'd feel terrible. Right. But you gotta just, what's the balance? It's like so slippery. We didn't have any way to get in touch with... Back in the day you had to yell for help, remember that? Yeah, you can't yell for help. Yeah, not in Los Angeles. There's too many people. You yell for help. In some languages help means something else. I think it's something not good or something in Arabic or something. People will fuck you up. Did you just make that up? I'm not sure. Honestly, I think I might have heard that. Because I live in Westwood and it's very diverse over there. There's a lot of people sometimes yelling stuff in the street. Do you think, for real, do you think help means something bad in other languages? Is that real? Somebody told me hello means go to hell in Greek or Latin. Politics means something not good. Something tick. Like a tick. Like blood sucking government or something like that. Let's start with one. Let's start with... Should we do with hello first? Yeah. I think... And I just say things and I don't even know sometimes. Somebody just told me to say hello when I was young and I've been saying it my whole life. But what does help mean? Does help mean anything in another language? Is help a bad word in other languages? Okay, so I'm looking up if the word help means something in another language, not if their word help is bad. If the word help means something in another language that... You're gonna have to word it... You're gonna have to word it uniquely. That's a hard one. That's a... Yeah, I don't even know anymore now. Maybe it's translation? Something like that. Maybe in Arabic or something like that. Does it have any sort of alternate meanings in other languages? Yeah, I'm not accusing anybody that Arabicians or whatever... Arabicians. Or whatever, you know? Arabic and Hebrew, like those old, old languages have the coolest letters. Yeah. Like the way they write things. Like you look at some old Hindu script or something like that. Why does that look so cool? It seems like a mystery. Yeah, man. Anytime, like even Russian, when you see Russian written out, you're like, whoa, look at the crazy little letters they have. Like look at that. Like this is like some alien writing. Yeah. I'd be furious sometimes. Like I couldn't imagine having to learn some of the other languages, you know? Like I'm going to China next week, I'm going to Shanghai, and I'm like... It's basically just me looking around at different drawings, you know? Like as far as even though words go, it's going to be... I think they have a lot of stuff in English there. Oh yeah? Yeah. I think a lot of countries where there's a lot of tourism, they just put stuff in English. English seems to be a language that most European countries, like most people know. You can kind of get by in Italy, you can kind of get by in Germany if you just speak English. It's really interesting, man, because I guess there's so much tourism, and I guess everyone is worried about us because we have the nuclear bombs. Everybody learned English. And we travel a lot because we have more money here probably, so we have the ability to go places maybe. Do you like English? That's the only language I know. Yeah. So yeah, I like it. But it's just weird how much cooler other languages look when they're written out. I guess it's just because what we're accustomed to. Like Thai, you look at Thai writing, or like... Oh yeah, I was sweating. I tried to read something one time in Thai. I was sweating by the end of it. How crazy is that? I mean, that's crazy. You're eating spicy food? Yeah, like it just like... It took me out of my element, man. There was a couple of words off, you know? I almost needed help. Asian characters look like... If you had a movie, like a science fiction movie, and in the movie they found a crashed UFO, and it had some writing on the I-beams or something like that, it would look like a lot of Asian writing, right? It would look like something crazy from Asia that you're like, what am I looking at? Right, like alien you see what you're saying? Yeah, might as well be alien writing if you don't know it. Yeah, if there were alien writing, you'd think it's gonna look more like something from Asian writing than it is from American writing. Well, it would be weird if it was like... Comic book font. Yeah. Like that's how you wrote. Like a Connecticut or whatever. Yeah. It's like, wait a minute, aliens speak English? Yeah, bro, everybody does. What if aliens were in like a bowing shuttle? Like, what the... Yeah, man. That's the biggest mindfuck that I ever heard was that because of the size of infinity, not only is there another Theo Vaughn out there in the world, but... Because infinity is so big, I'm gonna butcher this for sure. Yeah, we talked about this a little bit, last one was in here. Did we? A little bit. That everything you've ever done, someone has done the exact same things in the exact same order, down to the last millisecond. Do you believe... Do you... Okay, so is that something that you think or that's something that you think that could be really true? I think it could be really true, but honestly, my brain is not really strong enough to compute that. So I would have to take many, many, many hours to really thinking about what that means. Because right now, even when I'm saying it, it's one of those whoa dude things. Like I'm saying it, but I'm not really thinking it through. Yeah. Like how much are... How much are you really thinking through? Yeah, just a couple steps. You're not really thinking, okay, that there's a... So then that means for you, there's another man out there who did comedy at the last hand at the comedy store, who wore... Did the exact same set, tripped over the exact same words, spilt his water the same way. It's supposed to be everything. Not only that, but because infinity's so big, there's supposed to be an infinite number of those people out there. Yeah, I don't want that. I don't, man. Because that would hurt my feelings, honestly. It would make me feel... I think it makes sense. I think it makes sense. I think the universe is so big, right? I mean, everything's so big. Just what we know about our solar system, so big. It's so big. That alone is crazy. The idea that there's no end to the crazy, we're like, nah, nah, there's got to be an end. Nah, nah, nah, nah. But nah, nah, nah, that's too crazy. What's too crazy when it comes to the universe? The universe is crazy. There's nothing about it that makes any fucking sense. It's so crazy that we don't like to think about it last night. I was watching the fireworks, and the fireworks were going off, and I was thinking, yeah, this is kind of cool. You know what's cooler? The fucking billions of flying explosions that are above our heads. Yeah, the free fireworks that are constantly in the sky. It's like we just, we'll get together for like something made in Honduras, you know? But the fact that they're like shooting stars every night, nobody gives a fuck. Because of streetlights, we don't see the craziest light show ever, which is the Milky Way. Yeah. You know, when you make that drive out to Vegas or into driving through Montana at night or something like that, you pull over. What is that? Is that fireworks from last night? Wow. That's last night? This is from the NBC 4 helicopter flying over Pasadena to downtown. That's awesome. Those are illegal. At least half of them are illegal, right? I would say most of them are illegal. Looks like a lot of like kind of Civil War artwork. It's also sped up. Dude for a firefighter, that has got to be a crazy time. But some of them get off, I think, on fires. Like some of them, I think they want a little bit of fire, you don't think? Yes. Well, it's been proven that some people that are mentally ill that become firemen actually start fires. Something you know, it's not 99.999% of them or whatever the number is. But occasionally in every line of work, you get someone who's crazy. And I could see that, dude, you want something gone and you don't have a lot of money or anything like that? I think it's a little of that. It's also just they want to, they're crazy. Some people, there's something wrong, right? There's connections that aren't being made in there and they're capable of doing things just to deceive people, rip people off, or they're capable of doing things for their own personal gain like lighting a building on fire just so they could put it out. Right. People that are just broken, like there's something about them that's just not connected right. Yeah, we should shut them down, man. I think in the future we have to have some better programs to find out who's just not even... Who doesn't care about people. Yeah. Yeah, there's people that don't care about people. Yeah, that's a really good statement. Who doesn't care about people? Because if you don't care about people, then it's just not, then you shouldn't be here. You should be somewhere else. You should be in a place where they don't have any people, you know? Yeah, it's just a dangerous thing to have around. For the most part it's fine, right? Because life is fairly easy in civilized times, right? Most of the stuff is fine, most of the stuff. Yeah. Without the caveat for the occasional chaos. But it's just fucking, it's hard to tell how crazy people are until something really happens and you really need to count on them. And when you're pinned underneath a dresser and they look at you and they just run out of the room and just take off, you're like, you're not even going to help me? Wow. There's people like that. Some of those people even know that they would do that until the situation arises. That's sometimes why I would love to have some, and I know this sounds a little dark, but I'd like to have some serious stressors in our world to find out even who I really am. You know, like to see who rises to like. Who you are inside. Yeah. Like what rises to the core of my skin and says, this is who I am, you know? Like I got trapped in an elevator once, dude, with like seven or eight people, okay? And this sounds like a small idea. But this was like three hours, right? And suddenly, like at first one dude's kind of verbose. He's suddenly like, I'm the leader. But like an hour later, he's like trying to fuck a couple chicks that are also stuck in the elevator. And you start to see like, okay. Wait, he was trying to fuck them like it was hitting on them or he's trying to actually get down in the elevator. No, he wasn't trying to fucking the elevator, but he was maybe going to fuck them later if they got out of the elevator safely, not like a raper, like a guy who's like going to date them or like take them to dinner and then hopefully have sex with them at some point if they want to as well. But he, um, but you know what I'm saying? I getcha. Yeah. Consensual sex. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. But he, but you started to see who was who. Like one guy was like just literally wouldn't listen. Anyone tried to rip the doors open for two hours. And I just like, just like gave up on that. Like one lady was really scared. Like immediately it started to kind of fold out who was going to be who, you know, I wouldn't know what to do. I don't know if you're, I don't think you're supposed to climb out though. That seems like death. Right. Like climb out into that shaft. You're supposed to stay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean they must have some sort of regular, but you know, an elevator fell in one of the UFC hotels, like real far and fucked up CB Dalloway. One of the UFC fighters, his back is fucked up from that. Apparently, apparently he's suing and I don't think he fought that day. I think they had to cancel his fight. I think I might be wrong about that, but I know his back was like significantly fucked up from that fall. Elevators make it too easy, man. I miss the old days sometimes when you do this. He's scratched from the fight. Yeah. And he's fought since, but I think he's still having problems with his back. Yeah. And that's hard to fix to a back. It's one of the hardest, one of the hardest things to make better again. It seems like every time people get surgery, it's just a slippery slope. It's very rare that someone gets surgery on their back and they go, Oh, my back's great now. Everything's fine. I'm like, yeah, I got to go in again. I got another disc. And I go, Oh, no. They're literally getting their back fused from top to bottom. I know dudes with like four or five fake discs in their back. That are still fighters too? Yup. No way. Tito has several fused in his neck. He has artificial spacers from where the discs used to be. He has that in his back. His multiple operations on his back. Do you think that that like, cause some people think like, you know, a lot of your chi and you're like lineup is, you know, like your, do you think that that gets all turny of it? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if that's real. I don't know. What is that? Is it, is it the actual disc gelatin or is the spine itself, the spinal column where all the, all the nerves are firing all the way up to the brainstem? Yeah. It's really a fucking crazy thing to risk. If you think about that, like the connection between your brain and then that cord that goes to all your body and everything moving. And it's all just this back area that very few people ever even exercise, which is so crazy. Everybody's doing all these, the shit to get your biceps looking fly and pump your tits up. And very few people are concentrating on like lower back exercises, reverse hypers, protecting your spine, putting muscle all around that bitch. Work that core. Do like kettlebell windmills. You ever do kettlebell windmills? No, dude. Oh dude, they're shit. They're so good. Kettlebell windmills, you like your press the kettle button, you go down and you touch your touch the ground by your foot and then straighten back up again. It's just amazing for your spine, like all the muscles around your back that stabilize everything and your obliques and your abs and all your core. Yeah. It's a great exercise. I gotta do more like adult fitness, man. I gotta G up a little bit. That's what it looks like. Damn, look at all that shit. That's a human spine? Yeah. No, that's the nervous system. That's the nerves. Oh, I feel like I'm gonna eat this in China next week, dude. In a weird way. You might. You can have dick over there, somebody said. Nice. You can have human dick. A buddy of mine said that. And he's eating a lot of, oh, he's eating everywhere. Is he Andrew Zimmerman? Uh-uh. Weird Foods guy. Trying to get him on the podcast. Yeah, he's a chef, travels all over the world. Really cool guy. That picture's fucking bizarre, man, to think that that's all the stuff that's firing your nerves. That's crazy. And what is that? What does that even look like? It almost looks like a jellyfish or like a... It looks like it's reaching for something, doesn't it? Yeah. Shooting off into the cosmos, son. Yeah. That thing at the top is making nuclear bombs. That thing at the top is making 4G cell phones and 40 megapixel front-facing cameras. That's what that thing is making. That thing is making time machines. That fucking thing is making satellite transmission of video signals instantaneously delivered to televisions worldwide. That's what that thing's making. Dude, you... That thing's making Teslas, Hararis. That thing's making pistols and steroids. That thing's making OxyContin. That fucking thing's making everything. That's what's fucked up about the human brain. How scary is that when you think about that? That thing's making whiskey. That thing's making crystal meth, crank. That thing's making nail polish and fake tits. That thing is off the charts. If you look at the human brain for all the shit that is responsible for it, you'll be like, what? That area? Oh my God. It looks like something you would think maybe wouldn't even do nothing. If you walked by that on the street and you didn't know it was a brain, you'd be like, oh man. That's one of my favorite... Something shit out here. You'd be like, I'm a big animal. Is Mars Attacks, where they have their exposed brain. Remember that? You don't remember Mars Attacks? I've never seen anything like that. Dude, you never saw Mars Attacks? I don't watch all of them. This is one of the greatest movies of all time. It's Tim Burton, right? Is that who... I believe it's his movie. I'll write it down because I'll watch it. It's amazing. It's so good, dude. Jack Nicholson is in it and he plays two obviously different people. Oh really? But it's obviously the same guy playing two people and it's never brought up. It's a great movie, man. It is a great, great movie. Oh, it looks bad. Dude, it's so good. Is it really? It seems like it looks bad because you're watching here, but it's all on purpose. It's all on purpose. What it is is they somehow or another captured how we feel about this time period. They captured it with this weird Vegas thing with This Is The President back then and when these aliens come off this spaceship, it's there's something about the way they move that makes you think like you're watching a movie from the 50s, but still really good, like just good enough. But what he did by making the effects weird and barely real is he almost gave you a nostalgia for like 1960s, 1970s movies. I can see that a little bit right here. Yeah, but it's better. It's way better than anything they were capable of. I mean, look at the fucking shadows on the head and everything like that. Watch a little bit of this real quick. This is when they first land. We come in peace. We come in peace. We come in peace. They came in peace. They came in peace. They're all from Mars. Oh, that's cool. Do you think you'd eat something from Mars if they had like if they had to say this because I know you like to be a wild eater. I've seen some of the stuff you eat, you know, you eat kind of rare, you know, you know, you're not you're not afraid to eat the rare. And would you have say this, they catch a a Mars donkey or something, you know, and they just they're serving up. You don't even know what's in it. Right. Don't be like the ultimate eyes wide chump part. They're serving up a donkey from Mars. How many pounds of that would you have to eat? I would need it. No chance. First of all, people first of all, people are going to be definitely mad at you. You think people are mad at you for eating animals on Earth. Yeah. Imagine eating animals from space. The only one they will be so fucking mad at you. And then of all, I would want I would not want to be an early adopter of Mars meat. Really? I want to sit back. Come on. Look, there's people that are convinced that meat, I don't agree with them, but there's people that are convinced that meat is bad for you. That meat itself is bad for you. Yeah. Because a lot of people that eat meat wind up with a bunch of heart disease. The problem is that they're not really measuring just the meat. They're just measuring people that eat meat. What else do you eat? Oh, you eat a lot of sugar. You have a lot of bread. You have a lot of pasta. You eat a lot of this and a lot of you drink. Shoney's. Yeah. You might have you might smoke cigarettes. Yeah. So it's hard to tell. And I think different things are also good for different people. But people can't even agree on whether or not it's healthy to eat meat. There's some people that disagree in it, right? Wouldn't you want to wait to see what Mars meat does to people? Wouldn't you want to fucking wait? I'd want to sit back. Really? I'd be like, dude, I'm good with bison. You could eat those Mars donkeys all day long. I'm going to see what a 20 year profile fucking donkeys from Mars eaters looks like. A little bit of stardust steak or something out of Mars. They only have one, but I'm saying they have one donkey. Yeah, but it could be like some prions getting your system. You got mad cow disease. But you could also, what if you adopt a superpower by eating it? That's good. True. That's one thing that nobody ever brings up with like nuclear energy. Like all this, all these like nuclear disasters. Nobody's terrified of mutations and radioactive waves and all the shit that's going to fuck us up. But nobody remembers comic books where every single time somebody got hit with some radioactive shit, they became a superhero. That's never happened here. I wonder if I could handle the dude. If I had a superpower, I just feel like I would tell everyone who wouldn't be able to keep it a secret. Well, some superpowers you're allowed to just tell everybody. Some dudes, they just tell everybody, right? Like who doesn't have to keep it a secret? Probably the thing. He can't keep it a secret. What is it? That the big X-Men. They like had to go. Yeah, but they had to hide. But the thing doesn't hide. The thing is just that's what he's covered in rocks. You know who the thing is. Oh yeah. Fantastic core. Yeah, but the big fists. Yeah, giant. Clobber time. Who else? He doesn't have to hide anything. He can't hide anything. Bruce Bannister. Who was Incredible Hulk? Bruce Banner. Bruce Banner. Bruce Banner. Bruce Banner is a carpenter. Isn't he known? No. He was though. Do you know that when they did the Incredible Hulk TV show, they changed his name from Bruce to David because people thought Bruce was gay? Uh-uh, really? Yep. Was a lot of Bruce's gay then? Dude, that's always been the stereotypical name. Oh yeah. Like when a comedian would do a hack joke about a gay guy, they'd be like, Bruce. Yeah. Randy. Randy? Oh, Randy? Really? I never heard Randy. But Bruce, it's always been Bruce. It's the name that they would use. So apparently people in the, you know, what it was, the 70s when the Hulk TV show was around with Lou Ferrigno? Oh yeah. Yeah, they just decided like, hey, let's change this name. Let's change it. Make it David. David Banner. And we all, comic book dorks like me were like, what? How dare you? How dare you change his name? That was the best show ever because it made it feel like, if you were ugly, you could still be cool and do neat stuff. I felt like. It was the revenge of people who were bullied and picked on. This is the idea that you could be this nerdy guy and you get picked on by these assholes and you just fucking Hulk out and become bulletproof. Yeah. I met him at the post office one time. Lou Ferrigno? I met him. He's a real nice guy. Yeah, he seemed nice. He was with a lady friend and it might've been his wife, I think. He still yoked his fuck. He's jacked. Like, you know, he looks really good. Like he looks healthy too. It's crazy. Yeah. He's got to be deep into his sixties, but he looks very healthy. He might. I wonder who, who, who, um, I wonder if people are going to start living for like a really long time. Look at him there. That dude looks healthy as fuck. Now there he looks a little bit more. More reasonable. Yeah. I mean, look, he was a gigantic, super sized human at one point in time. I mean, that's what he used to look like. Like, why the fuck is that? Oh my God, he's so big. So when you saw him on the Hulk, the problem was he couldn't really be that defined for long periods of time and film a television show. Because it was too unhealthy. Oh, it's super unhealthy. When those guys are like right about to pose down, when they're about to, they are on death's door. They are really unhealthy. They get lightheaded. Look at that dude. Old as fuck. Who is that dude? Old and jacked. Is that Willie Nelson? That looks like a 75 year old Jack man. See them, they have those. Did you eat that bro? Say that guy gets shot and killed dude. Depends how far I am from civilization. Okay, let's say you're far man. Yeah, I'd eat them. Yeah, I'd eat them if it was, but whether or not eating them or not surviving, getting home to my family or something like that. Okay, say this then. I'm going to put you under a little bit of some, if you don't mind, is that okay? Please do. Okay. So a ship went down a shuttle, an airship or something, a plane. And you know, like that movie Alive, right? You're out there. Do you, are you the chef? You know you're going to eat it. You know you're going to eat. Well, it's whether or not the bodies, like the people are killed already. The real problem is that people start killing people and eating people. Then you got a real problem. Okay, people are already killed. People are already dead. It's two senior citizens. That's it. It was a small plane. Well, you got to decide. People can live without food for several weeks, especially if you're the average American. You got a lot of fat in your body after a day or so, your body kicks into fat burning ketosis mode. But you're going to be hungry though. You're going to be hungry, but you will be less hungry, believe it or not, after the first day. Once your body kicks into fat burning, like have you ever been on a fat burning diet? I've just on paleo for a month. It's a little different. Paleo you're still eating a lot of carbohydrates. Just cutting out all the grains and things like that. When you go on a fat burning diet, one of the first things that happens is your appetite just changes radically. It's really weird. Like you just stop being hungry the same way. Like hunger isn't a desperation thing. I know when I'm not ketogenic because then my hunger gets desperate. Like I have to eat something. I feel like, ooh, I never feel like that with keto. It's like I'm hungry, but I'm okay. And through the day, energy levels are much more stabilized. That's what I felt like on paleo. I'd never done anything like that. I mean, I lost like 11 pounds, which I don't think I was supposed to lose. I didn't really have a plan or anything. But next thing you know, I never felt like I had to eat. I felt like I needed to eat to get to the next few moments of my life, but I didn't feel like, okay, I got to make a big deal about eating. It felt more like a survival technique. Like eating all day. And then my mind, I felt I did feel more energy. I never felt like that after eating. I always felt like, okay, I could eat and then still go do something. I could go play cards or run around or chase a friend or do anything, hang out. Yeah. So who do you eat, Joe? You would have to first of all talk to everybody about it. No. Because like I said, you got two weeks, right? You got two weeks for your body to keep just going fat. So you're going to end up eating itself. Your body starts eating itself. You got to talk to people and say, listen, this person is dead. This is just meat now that can keep us alive and we can survive and we could see our family and our friends. Or we cannot eat this person and we take a chance on going hungry and we might get too weak to get out of here. Like you have to think like, what if you can get saved, but you have to be able to hike out 30 miles in the mountains. Okay. So you know, you were really planning ahead then. A lot of people- You have to. You have to. You're either going to die or you're going to live. Okay. These are the only two things that could possibly happen. And that even matter at this point. So you got to figure out, is it even possible that you can live? Is it possible? You might be, you might not be, you might be in the mountains in the winter with nothing around you to eat. No way for you to get off the mountain because it's too dangerous because you get clifed out every time you try to go down and then try to get back up and you can't get back up and you're stuck. You could fall and die. It happens to people all the time. So it's, it might not be that you can make it, but if you are going to make it out, you're going to want to have some energy. And different people have different fitness levels, obviously. So some people, like they're not even going to be capable of hiking out. What if you take a lunch? I mean, you don't have to eat the whole person right then. Like you guys could. Yeah. You could, you would eat them in parts for sure. What would you have? It's psychologically devastating. The thought of just eating human meat. It's psychologically devastating. You're crossing a threshold that, you know, you're in, you're into. It's a dark arts. I mean, it's everything. It's everything. It's sad. It's crazy. And it's also a rich part of, you know, human adventure history. There was always like, you run into cannibals. You know, it was like a big part of those crazy movies about people visiting the jungle. They got eaten by cannibals. Even Brady Bunch, remember they came across some people, I think they were cannibals. Did they? They went in like a- Did they? You came across cannibals? But like all, even cartoons, all of them did. It was cannibals or like Joe versus the volcano. Remember that? I don't remember that. I think he came across cannibals. Well there was a lot of cannibals in history. A lot of cannibals. I didn't know that there was so much cannibalism amongst Native Americans. Native Americans would cannibalize settlers. Some of them, like the Nez Perce Indians, Steve Ranella was telling me about that. They would cut dudes up and eat them. Like, whoa, that's- That's crazy. Imagine, yeah, some dude goes down and you listen. And there's a part you already know you like. You're like, oh, I'm cutting this dude. You know what I'm saying? I'm having a little bit of fucking ligament right here on this hillside. Rough, man. What would you eat? What would you eat killed by a polar bear yesterday in front of his kids in Canada? He was protecting his kids from the polar bear. And he died. 31 year old dude. You know what? That's a hero though. I mean, his kids will think of him as a hero, I bet. He lives in that same place where those people live on that life below zero. I think it's called Nunyavat. Yeah, people love that show. Yeah, that's where he lives. I mean, he lives in a really, really remote area that has polar bears. Polar bears are the most dangerous bear you could ever run into because they're the only animal that all of them actively hunt people. Really? Nunyavat, that's the place where it was. Yeah, they hunt everything. Everything that moves. They don't have any vegetables up there. So they're the only 100% carnivorous bear. All they eat is meat. All they eat is meat. Polar bear is like eating berries. Bears will ignore you if they've got a whole field full of berries. Why don't I chase you asshole and chew your bones and all that bullshit? I'm just going to eat berries. What are those lazy bears? Oh dude, some bears laying on his back. They love berries man. If you find like giant fields of blueberries, you'll find bears just snacking away, having a great time eating blueberries. They'll do it all day. Not polar bears. Polar bears eat your asshole. Oh, that's crazy. They just kill you. They kill everything man. Oh, I would hate that dude. If something was trying to eat me man, I would just be so upset I think. Yeah. Did you see that lady that got in trouble because she shot a giraffe? She shot a rare giraffe and so everybody's freaking out on her. It seems sad man. That giraffe seemed like it probably... What was it going to do to her? It's not going to do anything to her for sure. It is rare for an animal to get that old. It's 18 years old. It's real dark. Yeah, it had dark skin or something a little bit. The old males, they get dark. They look super cool. One thing though that people need to know, see all these things are complicated. They're not as simple as everybody wants to think they are. And this is one of the things that's complicated about this story is that that giraffe was killing little giraffes. It's a normal thing. The old bulls like that one, which is a big massive 18 year old animal. It's a huge, huge animal. He just was not having it with these young ones coming up, not having it. What do you think it is, jealousy or anger? It's just nature. They kill off the younger males. Oh yeah, like pissed at the neighbor kids kind of thing? They just don't want anybody taking their spot. They don't know that they're riding off from the sunset. He's not a viable breeding male anymore, but he's still huge. So at 18 years of age, he had killed off three young bulls. So they were going to have to kill him. Right, because it's not good. You need the bulls to keep the thing alive. Well, not just that, this is a species of giraffe that already has a population problem. There's not a lot of them. And if he's killing off these young bulls, each one of those young bulls could have fathered countless children. So they're missing all these future children for one bull who can't even breed anymore. And he's going to continue to do it. He was seeking out the young bulls. He already killed three. This is not a cut and dry thing. I don't think it looks cool to pose with a rifle and a giraffe. I mean, there's something about giraffes that are so gentle that they let kids feed them when you go to the fucking zoo. So I get why people would be upset. But when you find out what it actually is, you go, oh, this is more complicated than I'm seeing on the surface. It's not simply a cruel person shot a giraffe and we should be angry at her. They had to shoot that giraffe because it was killing other giraffes. So is it appropriate the way she celebrated it? That's when you have to wonder. But they were eating it. I mean, that's the other thing. It's like they got fucking 800 pounds of meat or something like that out of that giraffe. Oh, wow. It's a huge animal. I think it was more than that. Didn't they say 2,000 pounds of meat? I think it's a 4,000 pound animal. And they got 2,000 pounds of meat, which they give to all the villages, all the people there. And I know people are like, hey, I don't give a fuck. You shouldn't shoot a giraffe. I feel the same way because when I see a giraffe, I don't think of it as something I want to shoot and eat. I think of it as something a little kid can feed at the fucking zoo because they're so gentle. They're so gentle that they let people feed them. Oh, yeah. They had a thing by our home when I was growing up. They had a thing, dude, had a couple of giraffes out there, a couple of lambs and shit. Yeah. And you could get out there and buy a little cup of corn and go out there. And you don't even have to know it. Like, you don't have to sign a wave. You don't have to do anything. You don't even have to fucking be able to read very well. And you can fucking feed a giraffe, you know, point blank. It's the only animal that is a wild African animal that we let kids feed at the fucking zoo. Little kids can feed them. Yeah. I can't believe that that is that much. I mean, when I hear that, for one, the lady, what did she, why did she have to put that picture out? What was in it for her to do that? If she even knew, like. She's a hunter and she was excited that she got to kill a big giraffe, you know, and the, you know, it gets it's it gets strange when you just kill a bunch of things and make stuffed trophies and you put them in your trophy room and you go, well, I want to get it now. I want to get a ram. Okay. I got a ram now. I want to get a mountain goat. I'll get it. And you got like this menagerie inside of your, your house. Yeah, that's it gets dark, man. Now I want to get a mouse. Now I want to get a stepdad. Now I want to get a fucking. But then the thing is like, okay, but if you're eating all of those things and this is how you get your meat. Yeah. Is that okay? Well, yeah, it's okay. There's something we all have a strange feeling about. And this, the idea is that people are killing these things and they're getting some kind of pleasure out of it and they're not doing it just to eat it. Right. It's like, even if you, you are going to eat it, we don't want you to be really happy when you kill something. That's it too. That's some of it. I think the villagers should be able to the ones that should vote on if it was okay or not. It's in their village. They would vote okay every time because they get money from it. And to me then that seems okay because a lot of times it's like we're judging things from so far away. We don't even know. We don't even know what it's like. We're talking about completely different dynamics in terms of like the way their culture works. First of all, the money for these big hunts that these people pay to shoot all these different things down there, that's a shitload of money. And that shitload of money for that area, for that part of the world is gigantic. Yeah. It fuels conservation efforts. It pays for these people that are essentially their version of game wardens. And then they have these different people that are employed by these hunting companies. And then there's resources to stop poaching and then resources to actively participate in controlling habitat and making sure these animals are in healthy populations and bringing their numbers up. This is all done through the money that comes from hunting them. So it's super fucked up, right? It's weird because it doesn't make sense. It's like the people that are paying to keep these animals alive are also the ones that want to shoot them. So people are like, what the ... We would like it to be all the conservation money comes from people who just love animals and want to keep them alive. But that's not the case. That's not the case. No. The money comes almost ... I mean it's not exclusively because there are a lot of conservation groups that do donate for wildlife protection and for preserving of animal habitats. There's definitely some people that donate. But it's not even close to the amount of money that's raised from hunting tags. And especially hunting, you're on that local level. Some of these programs, I'm sure they're a little bit more bigger, more blanket, but you get into that local level, $50,000 can keep a small town or a small habitat around for the year. Yeah, and I don't know how that money is distributed. For them to sacrifice two animals. I don't know who's getting all that money, but you're right. But it makes us uncomfortable, but rightly so. I mean, you're looking at a giraffe, you want giraffes to stay alive. You say like, that's amazing. But we have to know the facts behind it in this particular case where that giraffe had to go. That giraffe was killing giraffes. You ever see them fight? It's the most fucked up thing. They just headbutt each other. They swing their head like a mace, smash into each other. What a terrible way to fight. That's fucking crazy. They suck at fighting. Esophagus is fucking, yeah. It's like Chris, it's almost like Chris DeLea maybe if you were in a fight, kind of. And I'm just saying that out of love. I absolutely love. What do you love as Esophagus? I love Chris DeLea, man. It's a very prominent target if she wanted to hit something. Have you seen this funny thing, this Jaguar challenge you hit on the fucking Instagram? He's so silly. Dude, he's so surprisingly silly sometimes. He's so funny and he's so fucking funny. Yeah, very good dude and very funny, very silly. He's got his own kind of funny. Yeah, and he's so confident in living in that space, man. It's interesting to get slowly get to know that guy. Well, that's what it is with you too. You do your kind of funny. That's an interesting thing when someone finds their, like we were talking about Mitch Hedberg the other day, he had his kind of funny. You could hear a Mitch Hedberg joke and you go, oh, that's a Hedberg joke. That's how he does his kind of funny. Yeah, it's so funny. Well, thanks for saying that, man. I appreciate that. Yeah, I think it's like as I've gotten a little bit older, it's made me feel more comfortable to just be myself. For so long out here, I just felt, I don't know if I was just afraid to be myself or I just didn't even know who I was. It's all those things, man. It's hard trying to be confident. What you're doing is a confidence-destroying way to make a living. Yeah. I would get intimidated easily. This is the first time I've actually felt a little bit more comfortable being in here. Really? In here? Yeah. It's not you, it's just something with me. It's just something, I don't know. I don't know if it's like if I feel like, if there's men that are more physically in shape or something, just things maybe inside of me somewhere that make me feel just, I don't know what it is. Well, people worry about being bullied, for sure. People develop, I feel it sometimes. I'm around big people. Really? Do you have any viewers to me? I was thinking about that. I'm like, you hang out around some real rare, you hang out around some real rare animal humans. Oh, yeah, super humans. That Daniel Cormier, dude. That's super human. That big coffee man. John Jones, super human. Yeah, Mighty Mouse, he's a small super human. George St. Pierre, super human. Have you ever been in an elevator with him or something? What, a bunch of those dudes? This guy could fucking kill me. Oh, they can kill you anytime they want. That's crazy. You have to deal with that feeling. It's not the best feeling. That's crazy. Well, you're talking to Francis and Gano. That's always, no matter what you guys are talking about, there's a part of you that says if you want to do, he could just kill me like that. Do you get scared, man? Sometimes, honestly, I get scared for you whenever you have to go in the ring after the fights. Do you ever get scared a little bit? Dude, the first time I ever interviewed anybody, ever, after a fight, I had to interview Mark Coleman after he choked out Dan Severn. And this was in UFC fucking 12. So that was 1997. And Mark Coleman was so fired up, man, because he had just won the heavyweight title. Fucking jacked. He was so jacked. He was fucking pumped up. And he had no idea. He looks like Max Baer from that movie, doesn't he? He was the king of the world back then. Mark the Hammer Coleman changed the fucking game because he was a real world-class wrestler, taking dudes down and just smashing them. And he was fucking huge. Huge. And so I had to interview him the first time I had to interview anybody. And he had no idea who I was. And he was like, who the fuck is this guy interviewing? But I asked respectful questions and then gave him an opportunity to express himself. And then it worked out. But I prepared for that, man. I was nervous. Wow. Ooh, I was nervous. That's interesting. Yeah, because to me, I'm like, holy shit, this guy, you know, this man is going into the cage after lunch. Yep. Yep. That's what he does. How's lunch? No, you, that's what I felt like. Oh, me? But like when you go, like, you know, I'm not a, you know, these, you know, these guys are very, some of these men are very physically imposing to me like, and that, you know, they're so when you, sometimes I'm like, man, I can't believe that you go in there. It's just brave. Well, no, one thing that I think they all know, and if they don't know, I want them to know that I, I don't want anything other than them to shine. Right. That's all I'm trying to do. Like when I interview people, what I'm trying to do is give them an opportunity to talk about moments. I just want to give them a chance to shine, show who they are. I want them to feel comfortable. I look out for their best interests. I really do. I try to do that with commentary, even if it sounds critical. My critical commentary is just to expose, like I look at it in terms of, I'm looking at it like it's a math problem or a system. And if I see things, I'm like, this is, this is an issue. Even if the person can win with this issue, this is a real issue. Like a high level person is going to exploit that issue. Maybe this guy can't do it, but this, and sometimes people get upset at that. That does happen. And I have to expose it. And you may be thinking, I exaggerate, but believe me, those fucking high class killers that see the same shit that I see, they're going to try to exaggerate that shit too. They're going to try to jump on that little hole. There's a little hole somewhere. And that happens all the time with people. They get mad if you point out their holes. It doesn't mean they can't win. There's guys who've gone their entire career. They rarely throw a kick. They never submit anybody. And they're some of the best of all time. You don't have to have a fully complete game. Sometimes it's better to just be ultra good at one or two things. And those other things just don't fuck with submissions. Just don't fuck with any of those. There's people that are like that. They take someone's back. They never choke them. They just keep punching them. They never choke anybody. There's a lot of people like that. And then there's- Raccoons almost. Raccoons do that. You ever had a raccoon on you? Never had a raccoon on me. Have you? Oh yeah. They bite you? Dude, they're- You ever had one bite you? If I have one, I've had maybe bite. I mean, I got scratched or bitten. I mean, I had to get all the rabies shots. I mean, I grew up in like the rabies belt, you know? So you'd- and they group up. Raccoons do? Raccoons are. They are. I can't believe we can't shut all that shit down. How many of them are roaming the streets at night? A lot. Bro, how crazy is it? You ever seen- Everybody- You ever see Madagascar? Yeah. They're fucking- they're everywhere, dude. When I lived in- I lived in New Rochelle, New York and they used to have these urban raccoons. Oh yeah. They're like a kind of raccoon. Raccoons that live in high density areas are a bolder species and they have access to massive amounts of food. They just would lift off the lid from the garbage can. They'd lift off the lid. They'd get inside the garbage can, they'd tear the garbage bags open and they'd just be sitting there staring at you. Yeah. Looking jacked like a gold's gym tank top on. Like they were big. I was like, how is that a raccoon? It's a big animal. Yeah. So I bought a blow gun. Where you shoot darts. Did you really? Yeah. Did you really? Yeah, I did. I did. What the heck man? Yeah. These motherfuckers would wreck my garbage and you're like, knock shit over and I'd be sleeping and I'd- Oh yeah, look at this. Look at him climbing up. Dude, we have one of you- What is he doing? He's going to get that bird feeder? He's going to unscrew the bird feeder. He's doing everything. Oh my god. Look how smart he is. Look at him. Dude, this is insane. Oh dude. Look how smart this thing is. But also, look how confident it is in its strength. And look at him looking over at the camera. He knows he's being filmed, dude. Yeah, and look how he's- I don't think he knows that. But look how good he is at climbing up. I mean, this is crazy. The amount of physical strength this fucker has. Look at this. Look at that. Just let all that seed go. And now he's hanging. Look at this partying. You saw that? That is crazy. And they fuck too, dude. You can hear them at night. Of course they fuck. We used to hear a bunch of them having sex at night and you could hear- You can go outside and even in a residential neighborhood, dude. There's 70 of them on your block. There's so many raccoons living amongst us that it blows my mind that it's not a bigger issue. Pull that up again. Look, with that video, dude, how many people, even if they could do that, if they had the kind of strength to do that, how many people would even figure out how to navigate that so easily? Dude, Matt Eisman would host this. This is like American Ninja Warrior. Dude, you telling me that they don't steal some of these games from this? Look at this fucker. Look at him. How can we stop going full screen? Because he's looking. He kept starting over. Oh, okay. When it goes full screen, it starts over. I don't know what the hell is happening. Look at this. And is that a fake China person or something? Look at his fucking ability to just hang on there with one arm and then grab with his feet. That is bananas. What is that called in UFC? Is that a move? No, it doesn't exist. I guess maybe jump to guard. Yeah. You kind of jump into guard here? Look at that. It's amazing. Look at that shit. His little body. Like what he can do. His little body. It's just crazy. Yeah. He can't do that. Oh dude, so much. And they eat garbage. Is it not working? Is this freezing up? I have pause on purpose. They can eat newspaper. How crazy is that? Can they? Yeah. Keep going this. Look at this. But look how comfortable he is just hanging from his fingers with all four limbs. Like he's just chilling. He's not worried that something's going to happen. He's like, hmm, let me just scoop my ass up here. Climb, climb, climb. I'm just going to twist this fucker off here. Look at him. He's hanging on with his legs. And he just cracked it open. Now look at this reverse. Look at this oxana baleon at the end. But the crazy thing is he could hold on to that plastic tube with his hands and feet. Like two of each. Dude, either two of his hands or two of his feet. Bro, their hands. Look at the size of their body. Yeah. Their hands are this big. They're tiny. Could you imagine having a little bitty baby hand and having to do something? I know, right? Look how much smaller their hand is in their face. You'd have hands like a four year old girl. Yeah. Imagine opening a door, but you can't even open a door. You just have to stare at a doorknob with a little. Bro, I'm talking the littlest hands. Yeah. Tiny. They'll fuck you up too, those things. Yeah. Raccoons eat a lot of chickens too. They like to get into chicken coops. Fuck up chickens. Dude, they would jump on your back. It was almost, here's the crazy thing I remember about being around raccoons. It felt like they were playing with you, but had an immediate propensity for violence. Like it could go like very quick from fun and comfortable to extremely violent. Mm. It makes sense. I mean, what a rough and tumble world. The world of the raccoons. Look at this motherfucker open the door. They live at night. Look at this one. You open the door. Look at this one. Is someone's pet raccoon? No, I think this is. They close the door here and it opens it again. My grandmother had a friend that had a couple. So he just knows how to open doors. Creepy fuck. There's something weird about them. It's just a strange animal that like almost seems like it shouldn't be real. You know, like a smart, weird animal that lives in the forest. Like you expect it to start talking to a little kid that's on a walk. Yeah. Like, who, who are you? Where are you from? And it's, yeah, it's got dice in its little hand. One dice just turned it over. Listen, your grandmother won't mind if you hang out with me for a little while. Yeah. Come on, show you a house that's made of candy. Yeah. You want some lipstick. They're putting lipstick on each other. Creepy animals. But that's weird to me. The, the weirder animals are the animals that have adapted to living right next to people. That's them, dude. Yeah. Coyotes. That's coyotes. That's them. Well, you tell me about a coyote you had at your house. Got a bunch of them at my house. They're just in the, you know, in the Hills. If you live anywhere around LA in particular, anywhere that there's some trees and shit in between the houses, guess what? You got coyotes. They just fucking live everywhere, man. I saw them on Olive in Burbank the other day, driving up Olive. I saw fucking coyotes. I was like, whoa. Somebody reported a coyote fight in my neighborhood when I was growing up and it was somebody made that up, but the cops still showed up. And I remember they interviewed everybody. Like we fucking knew anything about it, dude. Do you think coyotes fight? I wonder if they do fight with each other. I don't think so. I've never heard of them fighting at this point. It must make sense. Someone has to be the boss in the coyote world. Wolves do. Wolves fuck each other up. Do they really? Yeah. It's awful. They kill each other. Oh, these are coyote fights here. Most intense coyote fight. Oh, look at this. They're going to war right here. Oh, this is a world star. I think is this world star? That's when you draw back right there. Another one jumped in three coyotes strategically held by Bush. Do you fuck their fucking each other up, dude. Do you think we could ever get to the point where you know that humans fight animals like they did back in the old days? You know, like gladiator style. Yeah, seriously, though. Yeah. You could do that in another country for sure. Yeah. If somebody from some crazy country where they had some maniacal dick or dictator who's on crystal meth and he decided to have humans versus lions give it to a sword and a shield and some armor and have them fuck up a lion. 100%. Do you think that goes on? Um, I wouldn't say no. Yeah. Because I think there's people with enough money, like fucking crazy, crazy Prince money. Oh yeah. If they're a Prince of some crazy country, these people just probably can't get satisfied. It's not. They can't get enough calories. Yeah. Cocaine, pussy, pussy, whole jets, islands in France. Like what else do I want? What else I want? I want to watch a dude fight a lion with a sword. Yeah. There's probably like some place that you can go. Right. And it's got like drains in the floor where they hose it down from all the blood and it's like built like a hockey rink. Yeah. But the floor underneath the floor, there's a zoo just like that. They used to do it in the Roman days. And it rises up. They let the animal out. Yeah. Close it down. And then they open the cage and the fucking dude stands there with the sword and the crowd goes, yeah. And they're all listening to techno music and speaking Dutch. And then that, uh, well, suddenly we know where they are. That dude, that dude and that fucking lion go to war. They go at it, man. Yeah. You think he has like face paint on or anything or he's just, it's probably a good move. Pull face paint on. You need every edge. Yeah. You know, you got to fight a line with a sword. You're probably going to get killed. You're going to cut the line and then get killed. That's what you're going to do. You're going to get one good hit at it. If you're lucky, probably won't even really. Yeah. You sword, man. Yeah. You, you don't have any idea how slow you are until you're around a cat that kills antelopes and shit chases after wildebeest takes him out with his face. You just got to have that shot. You, you have no idea. I think everybody, no, I don't think you get a shot. I think that the cat wants to, the cats on you so fast, you barely have time to move your arm. That's what I think. I don't think it. Yeah. I don't think you have any idea how fast like a real predator moves and how ridiculously soft human beings are. Right. Especially if you're not some fucking Conan the Barbarian dude who can actually swing a sword, a heavy sword with some fucking oomph behind it. Yeah. You ever pick up a real sword? It's heavy. It's heavy as shit, man. It's fucking heavy. And it's sharp. It's almost scary to have one sometimes. Yeah. Like fuck, I would hurt myself or I'd cut my cousin up or something on accident or I'd hurt somebody at the house. Yeah. The odds of you killing that lion with one swipe are almost zero. You're going to get fucked up. Okay. How would you attack it then? Say you're in a place, you got this sword. Maybe you got one other weapon, a small weapon you keep on your leg or something. The only way that I think you have a chance is if you can keep your shit together and plunge that blade. In its chest as it leaps on you. That's the only way you would have to be ready to, as it comes at you to push forward and hold onto that sword with everything you have as it's coming at you. And the blade goes into its body. Fuck yeah. That might be the only way. And even then it's going to swat you and rip you apart. You probably hold on the whole time. You might. You're not going to be able to. It's not possible. I think you could do it, dude. Nope. Nope. You don't think you could? No, no. And you would keep both hands on now. That's how you acted it out. You keep both hands on it. You are not going to be able to hang on. You're just not. It's a different kind of power. It's like the power of many, many men. It's like the idea of a, Hey bro, do you think you can win a fucking tug of war with 10 dudes? Fuck yeah, bro. Most guys are bitches. You have no chance. You have no chance. There's, there's a strength level. You'd have to be like some Herculean, Marius, Pujianowski type dude. Some just enormous fucking world's strongest man guy with chalk all over your hands and a good grip on the blade and maybe tie it down like a rodeo rider and plunge it into that part of a lion. And even then, I don't think you're hanging onto it. I think that thing's going to buck and kick and, and you're going to be so terrified. And if it's a male lion, you get to see that main and that face and your, your body, you're going to get diminished. Yeah. You're going to be so overwhelmed with adrenaline. Your instinct is going to be to just run away from that thing as far as you can. Do you feel like some truths as you, like any truths, like any innate truths would be revealed as you're, as you're sitting there looking into each other's eyes and you know that it's going to kill you? I don't think you're even there at that point. I think you're, I think you're, it's such a primal experience. I think at that point you're probably, you're barely a human. You're just a series of synapses firing that are designed to protect you from predators. I think you just in full panic, full adrenaline rush, full survival mode where you don't, you don't know what the fuck is going on. I have some friends. Fuck man. I've got some friends that got attacked by a bear. They got attacked by a giant grizzly bear and they got really hit. No, everybody got away survived luckily, but they were in, um, they were in an island off of, uh, Alaska, a fog neck Island. And it's a huge population of Brown bears and elk. And they all lived together. And these, these fucking bears are huge. And this bear, which was like an 11 foot bear charged into their camp and knocked everyone over like guys were flying left and right. One of the dudes, his, uh, his nickname is dirt myth dirt myth was riding on the things back. If you want to hear the whole story and it's a great story, go to the meat eater podcast. And, uh, I think the episodes just say a fog neck Island. I don't know if it says bear attack on a fog neck Island, but if you're a, if you're a clever Googler, you'll find it's a great podcast. Anyway, Steve Ronell is a genius. He's a really interesting guy and a hunter. Like we just totally, totally, uh, defies the stereotype that people have of like doofy hunters, like super well-read, really interesting guy, but his depiction of this event, the most striking thing about it was that it defied everything that he thought it would be like if there was an actual bear attack. Sounds like Hemingway ask almost in a weird way. Well, in a weird way. Yeah. Because when look, if something really fucking crazy happens, the best case scenario is there's someone who actually knows how to write that's right there. When there's something crazy happened, and this is the case, but instead of writing it, he just does a very eloquent job of describing it as does everybody else there. I mean, there was quite a few guys there. My, my friend Remy Warren was there and Yannis would tell us. This is one where they got, um, false attacked. This was in British Columbia. They got false charged. A false charge is a bear. This in this case, it was a bear with Cubs and she just wanted to scare them off. So she came running at them full clip. It's crazy to see cause they fired near her, but they had the discipline to not fire at her. Wow. I'm like, that is really impressive because this thing just came fucking running at them. And it's huge. Like here it is. Like, give me some volume here. Oh my God. Bro. I will shoot. I will kill this side and she spun peels off man's away. And Callahan says, I'll never forget. I want to get him a t-shirt with him in his mustache. And this says, smell us now lady. Smell us now lady. That's the sentence that comes to Callahan's mind. This, so that is what he had experienced before. And so he, he kind of kept his composure in that situation. And he was like, this other one where the grizzly bear literally knocked them over to the teeth were gnashing 10 inches from his face. It was just so many people. The grizzly probably didn't expect there to be that many people there. There was like seven people there. Something like that. Let me think how many people, one, two, three, at least five people there. And I think that's what saved it. I mean, though there's camera people too, so it probably was about seven people. And I think that's what saved them. The fact that this was a giant mass of people and the bear didn't know which way to go. And one of the dudes, Jan has hit it in the face with trekking poles. You know, those trekking poles. Yeah. He said it was right there. He swamacked in the face and the thing veered off. One of the guys, Remy, he juked it. He faked right and then went left. The bear, there was just so much going on. The bear just ran through it. One of the guys wound up on the bear's back for like 10 yards. Oh, yeah. The bear was running and he was somehow stuck on the bear's back and then fell off. This is how big the bear was. And I think when you see a bear, man, you don't think it's going to be like that. That's intense. You know, you don't think it because the first picture they showed of that bear, he seemed like a calm bear. You know, look at that bear. I've seen him in. And the worst thing about bears is they advertise them mostly Disney movies. How do you see a bear teddy bear? You know what I'm saying? Uh, you know, they have fucking bears fucking too on the internet. You have all that kind of shit, but it's mostly sweeties. Yes. They're your buddy. They're your buddy. Meanwhile, how about those little kids that their dad got eaten in front of them? I mean, what about those little kids? What if they had a little pet polar bear? That's not outside the realm of possibility with little kids and you get convinced that that's what those animals are. Look, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a pet stuffed polar bear. They're cute. It's not a pet, but you know what I'm saying? A toy. Would you have a little bear? You think the, as a pet, no fucking way, man. Really? It's ridiculous. You seem like a guy that might have a little bear. Fuck that dude. Fuck that. First of all, they're not listening to you. Yeah. Get away with all that. They might be your friend. It might be your friend as they grow older, but you better keep that food around, bitch. And even if you have that food around, you can't keep them from killing other people. Like there was a guy who had this bear trained. Look at the size of that fucker. Oh my God. This guy is definitely probably, oh my God. This was like a gay answer. If you keep this animal fed, there are people that have bears. This is in Russia. This is Russia. Yeah. So if there's people that keep bears fed and take care of them and treat them well, you know, and this is the thing about bears too, is that bears are omnivores. They eat everything. Oh, really? They eat animals, they eat vegetables. They eat everything. Are you seeing this? Yeah, it's crazy. They're like people in a lot of ways in that they're, you know, their diet vary. So they don't have to eat. They don't have to kill things. They don't necessarily have the desire to chase things down and kill things like a cat does. Like cats have a deep desire to kill things. Right. Like cats can't shake that shit. Yeah. I think you could, you could feed a bear well and take care of it and you could probably avoid most of that. But if it ever feels threatened in any way, you're so fucked. And do you think you have any, like there, you might not even notice when that bear feels that way. Well, I wouldn't. I'm not a bear expert. I think a real bear expert would see that something's weird. The bears act and sketchy. Yeah. There's tap fingers or bears like, yeah, they just, they start acting irritated. Look at the size of these things, man. This guy is definitely a pervert. You think so? Yeah. Who does this? Because I think there's got to be something inside of you that gets off in a weird way to do this. I don't think this feels natural. I think they're intoxicated by powerful animals and that having these powerful animals around gives them a thrill. Okay. The thrill has to be, do you think that they, that they could kill them? That's it a hundred percent. And also did like the thrill is they are beautiful creatures. So you do want to be around them. Like you, they're cool to just be around. And if you, you can make friends with this beautiful creature that could just kill a mess of people, it's kind of feels fun, dangerous. Yeah, it's cool. It feels dangerous. It's like a celebrity. It's like no one else in John or something. Right. Way better. You got a pet grizzly come over my house. Motherfucker. I got a 12 foot dog that lives in my house. You know, like, but cats, see that's a different animal. More. Look at these people. These are different animals. This is a different thing. But I think if people have an animal like that, they're fucking next to it at night and they're doing, I think some of that shit's creepy. Yeah, probably near it. I don't think they're getting involved with it, but I think they're doing near it. But I think all of a sudden, fuck right next to the tiger and get them horny. Well, dude, bestiality needs a different, because I've thought this about bestiality. And I don't know if we've even talked about this, but if you have sex with a local animal, something that lives your house, livestock, right? Chickens, something like that. It's fucked up. It's fucked up. And it's not, you know, it's, you know, it is. Travel overseas with the specific intention of having sex with an animal. Okay. That's to me, that's still fucked up. You know, the rules are different. It's not on who you ask probably locally. But I'm sure in some places they're like, give me some money, man. You can do whatever you want as I go. You know? But if you, if you fuck a mountain lion. That's a strong man. That's how I, that's it. You're on, dude, you never buy a beer again. You fuck a mountain. You fuck a Lynx. Yeah. That to me, that's not bestiality. To me, that's like. That's some Ragnar Lofbruck type shit. Yeah, that's the bravest thing you can do. That's some Viking shit. Imagine, A, trying to keep an erection and then sneak up on a fucking animal. You'd have to, you have to figure out a way to hold them down. Do you think there's ever a guy that bested a mountain lion and fucked it? See, I believe there might be another. I believe there might be another Theo Vaughn or an infinite number of them out in the universe talking to another me and that we're sitting in the exact same two exact same notes. I believe that. I'm not sure I believe any of those people on any of those planets, planets ever fucked a mountain lion. I don't know. A long time ago, you don't think that when nobody, there's no YouTube there's nobody to tell. The only person who knows is the other two people. People are going to think they're lying probably because they're alcoholics. You could fuck. I don't think so, dude. I don't think there's any squirrels that have raped people either. You know what I'm saying? I think, I think it's that that's more likely. It's more likely that a squirrel would rape a person. Oh, I could see a squirrel found a fuck. Someone who's drunk who passed out in their yard. That's more likely. Okay. Like a crazy, super horny squirrel just can't keep it together. He keeps fucking up. Yeah. Some cap and Delta's just passed out in her fucking yard. You know, had too many. You know, crazy. I do not think that a guy could fuck a mountain lion. I just don't think that's ever happened, especially not gay sex. Right. Maybe a female mountain lion might let you. She's all wild up and in heat and more. I'm just a cat in heat. My friend, wasn't it Chris Ryan talked about fucking his cat with a pencil. Did he give me a shirt? So that's right. You did. That's what that's a shirt. He tells a great story about his cat was in heat and she backed up to him. She's like trying to get some dick and he put a pencil in there. Did he was like a little kid? He was like a little kid. Yeah, sure. He was. This is the first sexual experience was this cat really backing up on this pencil. Yeah. I could imagine that. Did I remember getting like an erection and just, I remember just hot hold it against fucking dude. I remember being at the library when I was young and this is back when they had books, you know, what do they have now? I mean, I mean, I'm like, I know our library is still open. Who's in there? Does people try to finger each other? Who's in a fucking library? Can you even imagine I guess people just want books about homeless people. Is there, they allow homeless people in libraries. Yeah. Can we just start calling them shelters? You know what I'm saying? And serve lunch. But I remember going in there and the only sex you could see at the time was like Rodin or something like that, or these old artists. Remember they would paint like a Ruben-esque one by a stream and she would be like this. Yeah. And she'd have one of her hands like this. Yeah. Always weird. We're everything with the hands, right? Yeah. Everything was always this way. Yeah. Why is that? But I remember. Why is that like a pose that's indicative of a certain time and history? I just guess because it's fucking really hard to draw a hand. Oh, that could be it. Maybe somebody drew one. But you think that like emperors would stand there and do this to their, to their people. Yeah. Like you know how great, like there's two things that Trump could do. That people would freak the fuck out. One of them obviously is like a Sieg Heil. Yeah, that's bad. The other one that might be just as bad is the emperor. If he comes out with one hand, almost like he's holding an invisible football and the other hand do this and just address the people. People will blow a gasket. He wants to be the emperor. He wants to be the fucking emperor. Oh my God. Dude, he should start wearing a crown. How great would it be if he started wearing a crown? Dude, it would be hilarious if he started wearing like a cheap Burger King one. He just didn't say nothing about it. I bet he will. Do you think he has a sense of humor? He definitely does. Yeah. He definitely, he's the first president that has ever been roasted on Comedy Central. Oh, that's a great point. Dude, he got roasted on Comedy Central and Jeff Ross even said to him like, you're not laughing at the jokes. Like you should probably laugh at them. Like don't, don't, it's probably people like it better if you you're going along with it. He's like, yeah, you're right. And then he loosened up and started laughing at it. So he like takes advice from people that are in the business. Like they, they told some ruthless jokes about him, man. He hung in there. He hung in there. He handled it. Oh, I think he's resilient whether or not he can feel any of that. Like cause of his like, uh, whatever ego spaces. And I wonder how much of that even feels, but only he might be the only human in America that could take this much hatred from people at such like a level. Dude, he brushes it off. Yeah. And he doesn't even care. It's weird. Yeah. It's all, I mean, it's fucking, it's kind of awesome. It's kind of, oh, I remember after he got elected, driving down the street and being like, holy shit, dude, I could be president fucking. Yeah. Well, that was what we thought when we were kids too. What's awesome about his, and when I say awesome, I don't mean good. I mean, amazing about his abilities, like all throughout all this crazy shit. He doesn't show any signs of being like, he doesn't seem to be like freaked out. Right. Over the stormy Daniel shit or over the rushing, all the investigations. Occasionally he goes on a mad tweet storm. Yeah. He's not seems to be the same guy, but he was before. It doesn't seem to be, there's certain dudes. When you see something like, um, it was a good example, something fucked up happens to them and you see it in their face. It's like, they're like, whoa, like George Bush, whenever, maybe on that video, when the nine or whenever they see the pictures and they told him about nine, well, nine 11 was huge thing. I don't think he knew how huge it was at the time. Cause it was all breaking out. You know, the, that was a weird example. Yeah. But yeah, Trump just seems totally unaffected. He just seems the same. No more senior citizens on Twitter. That's the thing. Senior citizens on Twitter is kind of bizarre. Oh, there's a lot of them now. Yeah. They love it. Crazy. Well, they take a break every couple minutes of doing Facebook all day, yelling at people on Facebook. It's so fucking great, dude. Everybody hates the guys. I don't think everybody's. I think a lot of people like the time where I'm right now, because it's so, it's just, I feel like you know what you're going to get. You know, no, it's, it's a strange time for communication, man. It really is. Yeah. Strange time for everything. Yeah, man. It's a, it's different. It's so different, dude. It's fucking, it's kind of fascinating. I had, um, the guy Jordan Peterson came on podcast the other day. He came on your podcast. Yeah. Which was wild. Cause I'd know his publicist. Um, and I reached out and the publicists, um, and then it was wild. And so then he came through, cause I mean, a lot of the people listen to my podcasts are, you know, we talk a lot about like being sober and like people that masturbate too much, kind of weird stuff, you know, troubled youth, kind of, I'll say it. Right. Um, but anyway, it was cool because he like, I don't know, you know, better than I do him, he loves you. He said a lot of nice things about you. Oh, that's nice. He's a great guy. He's really misunderstood, man. Misrepresented. People think he's some, some fascist and some Nazi. I didn't think that at all. He's not by any stretch of the imagination. He just says certain things that people are uncomfortable hearing and whether you agree with him or disagree with him. That's one thing, but that's the demonization is where it gets weird. Even if you think he's what his idea is foolish. Don't misrepresent who he is as a person because they try to pretend that he's this racist, homophobic, fucking alt right character. He's not by any stretch of the imagination. He's just a guy that, especially when his principles are being debated or when his ideas are being tested, like he he'll stand his ground and he's very firm about what he thinks is wrong about things like, uh, equality of outcome, like making sure that everybody makes the same amount of money, make sure that everybody achieves the same amount of success. Like that is a ridiculous idea that leads to communism and Marxism. He gets into it and it made me rethink how I thought about it before then. I thought about it before then, like an unattainable goal that socialists lean towards because it's like the ideal. The ideal is that money is not a concern for anybody and everybody just sort of does whatever they want to do because they enjoy doing it, not because they're doing it for money and that all the money is kind of piled in together and we take care of everybody. It sounds great on paper, right? But then he starts talking about, no, you have to enforce equality of outcome. Right. He goes, when you're talking about a quick, there's going to be people that work harder, right? There's going to be people that try harder. There's going to be different varying levels of effort because we're human beings. You have to take that into consideration. As soon as these people don't take that into consideration, then you're either trying to stop the people that are doing too well or you're trying to take from them to give to yourself and how are you enforcing this? And he just takes you down this rabbit hole of thought and really kind of explains the problems with Marxism and socialism. And I'm sure there's really intelligent people that dispute his ideas. I'm not saying that his ideas are infallible or that he's the only voice that I would listen to in these subjects, but he's a brilliant guy and he's a very nice guy too. And he's really misrepresented and willfully so a lot. I think it's sad because I think what's missing between right and the left is how much of it we would probably agree on if we could just talk about things rationally instead of contentiously, instead of getting into these right versus left debates, which are just way too common where everybody's on one side is trying to diminish the person on this side and get angry. And they're doing a lot of these in front of big crowds, which I think is also weird because then you're playing to the crowd. And I've seen some things that Jordan did with this Michael Eric Dyson guy with a guy who literally wasn't looking at him. He was looking at the crowd, calling him a mean, mad white man. And it's like these kind of things that people are doing, it's just everyone's just digging their heels in deeper on each side. And instead of like looking at life, like just having an open conversation about things that are troubling, things where we could do better, things where society needs work or things maybe where our perceptions are off and maybe we could look at the other side or look at each other or look at the whole thing better and figure out a better way around things. Instead of doing that, everybody's just right versus left and right and deeper in the trenches and harder and we got to stop Trump. And I hope we have a recession to stop Trump and people are saying crazy shit. Crazy like everybody's supposed to suffer so that you can make one guy feel like he's doing a bad job or it's just not the way to approach it. Like you've seen that. What is that woman's name? Maxine? What is her name? Maxine Waters who said Trump. I call her dark Trump. She's people. She's wild. She's telling people to interrupt people's meals and draw a crowd and like, you know, and I guess it's in response to what is the most disturbing policy was to separate children from their parents, people that are crossing the border. But I think didn't he decide to put a stop to that? Didn't they decide to put a stop to that? Did he sign something to put a stop to that? Well, it's definitely scary if you're doing that at the border. They did, but I don't know. I read that it didn't do any change anything. Oh, really? But it's something I don't know. Let's find out what the fuck that means. We'll find out what would have I know it's hard to do that. And I mean, yeah, how do you separate people from their kids? You got to be you got to be trying to send some fucked up message to scare the shit out of them so that it'll keep them from coming over. This is the idea, I guess. But if you tell them you're going to take their kids away, they probably won't even try. And then but what about this? Say if like, you know, everybody's against like sex trafficking. And I'm not like, what if one of those people is that scenario and the kids too afraid to say it? I know that's like a maybe more an acute situation. But in that case, you'd be grateful that you separated them at least to get each of them's point of view to know kind of what's a little bit more what's going on. Apparently, that's like a huge issue. Like apparently sex trafficking, you know, everybody's just bringing young women in here to, you know, from other places for sex. And I don't see that much of it. But apparently, it's the biggest thing in the world, you know, or it was last month. Well, there was something that was I don't know, this is true either. I'm giving Jamie a lot of work today. There was a smart, though, right? Sex trafficking ring that was broken up by ice and outside of it, these people were protesting ice because of what they were like saying, abolish ice. But meanwhile, ice was like stepping. They didn't understand that when you're doing it, what is it? Immigrations, Customs Enforcement, that's what I stands for. What they're doing is not just they're not just trying to stop people from crossing over the border. They're also busting in this case, apparently it was sex trafficking or a human trafficking ring. I don't know if they were using them as slaves or if they're using them as sex slaves. Well, that's the thing. Say if two truckloads of people come into America, right? And one is, you know, adults and children and another is adults and children, right? And one of them are just actual family members and one of them are sex, you know, adult, you know, main men trying to bring in sex workers. We that's yeah, we don't mean how do you know how do you not say, you know, like I know, yeah, you don't want to take a mother from a kid or a father from a daughter. But it's like, how do you know what if and what if you don't, you know, I don't know. It's just that is the problem with people coming in. If they're coming in illegally, you have no idea who they are, what they're doing. Yeah. And that's that's only one problem. The other problem is people who are criminals, people who are violent offenders, you know, people there's people that have gone back and forth multiple times and got busted in America and wound up killing people. That's happened many times. Yeah, they had that guy in San Francisco. I remember that accidentally shot the shooting the girl. But yeah, I mean, it's, you know, I'm glad I mean, as much as the tactics and us to think about it and hear about it, I think it's also it's neat to be alive at a time when, you know, I'm challenged to think, you know, and I'm challenged to to to feel different ways and to hear different voices and opinions about it. Honestly, like I feel like we should have more of a roll call in America. Like you have to know who's here before you can even, you know, like if you're teaching a classroom, if you don't know who's in the class, how can you even, you know, but it's what they should do first and foremost is legalize drugs. And the reason being is that they're getting across from organized crime and it's building organized crime in Mexico to a staggering degree. The drugs are here. People are selling these drugs, period. They're going to keep selling these drugs. You're not going to diminish the amount of drugs. You're just not. Yeah, no one's ever been able to do it. The drug war is a complete total failure. So how do you cope? They love Coke. So make Coke legal. You would put a fucking halt to so much. And if you made Coke legal, people would buy pure Coke. You would it would be tested and you could give people drug education because like everybody knows, OK, how many beers can you drink? If you drink three beers, you probably shouldn't drive a car unless you're a giant, you know, like three beers, you're probably over the legal limit. You're a bear. Right. Let's just some seven foot tall gorilla type man who's just got a lot of body. But a regular like you are a regular guy. You're a guy drinking beers. You should not drive. Right. So now stop and think. Like what is the level for cocaine? I don't know. I don't do it. I've never done it, but I don't know what it is. Like maybe we should know. Like, you know, you can't have three shots of Jack Daniels and drive. OK, but what what about what about speed? How much speed can you take? I think two lines of Coke you should not be talking to people. Yeah, I think forward business should be fucking calling an architect. Do one of my buddies try to put all of his fingers in his butt one time after you like an eight ball of Coke. How crazy is that? So good goal. But I was like, oh, look, and it's hard, apparently, to do. And it's they have a name for what was that called? Fingers in your butt. It was called something. It was like called the Liberty Bell or something, some crazy thing. But Jamie's googling it. What is the term when you have all your fingers in your butt? I think that's called go for honey. You have to be like, how would you do that? You'd have to be like lying on your back with your legs, bugs, bunny style over your head. You have to hook your leg and then go in like this. And do you have to be super flexible to pull that off? And you're going to the crazy part is and I've just I haven't thought about this a lot, but I have thought about this for a little bit. You're going to start with your smallest fingers and then you're going to be stuck with those thumbs. That's what you're going to be trying to get. Oh, yeah, that's going to be the hard part. You're going to rip your asshole apart. Well, that's the risk you take like an old balloon. And that's why it's so exciting. I think, you know, if there's no there has to be some risk of rewarding it. Your friend must have slender fingers. Well, he was I mean, look, dude, he's on that much cocaine. Did I do it? You know, I should. That's the thing. Dude, I got all fucked up and you know, I used to get cocaine and do it by myself at home, you know, just to I don't know, I wasn't doing that good. Just have some feelings. And I remember, dude, I would order vests and shit off the internet. I have like what kind of vests, all kinds, like the kinds that we would wear if you lived in Boulder with the downfilled ones, Patagonia type. I've done. I've gone. That's a weird look. You got the flower shirt with the puffy vest. Very common look. But it's like, what are we doing here? Well, I want to be warm, but I want a little bit of ventilation in my arms. I just a little chill. I just a little warmth around my body, though. I like my torso to be warm. I'm talking. I'm talking all kinds, bro. I would get the leather. I would get the ones with the bead. I mean, I have like a honestly, I probably got 30 vests at home. Why vests? Why was that the thing that you would order on cocaine? It was just something I like to do. What about belt buckles? You have any preposterous belt buckles? Like some that light up different colors and shit. You're like, yeah, I'm going out with this. One of my buddies had a belt buckles had pussy only on it. Oh, nice. Yeah, that guy's gay. 100 percent gay. He's a gay. No pussy. What about you? Fucking no pussy, bro. You know what I do when I get pussy? No, what do you do? I'll show you, bro. Take your pants off. This asshole was a pussy. I fucking like it. First I spit on it. And be careful. He's like, yeah, I got a labia tattooed around my asshole. Love it. Let's party. Not so much a little pussy. I got vulva tattooed on my back in old English letters. Bro, I love pussy so much. I had my asshole turned into a pussy. Yeah, go ahead. Fuck it. If it feels just like the real thing, put eight and a half of your fingers in it, bro. Do you stem cells, bro? I got some new stem cells. Dude, I got these new stem cells used on my asshole. But but they got. Yeah. How do you transition? I don't know. But they got Jordan Peterson was super cool, man. What did you guys talk about? You know, had you listened to any of his stuff before you had him on? Yeah. Yep. I listened to your episode with him actually from the day before. And I listened to and I'd been listening to his book. So that's where I was. And I listened to the monk debate. The monk debates are the ones where the guy called him a mean, mad white man. I was like, this is so silly. But I found him to be in this just he just seemed like the pure. He seemed completely pure and whatever. You know, he believed, I think that in helping people like because I talked to him about like, did he start to feel like famous, you know, like because people are really gravitating towards. Yeah. And he just felt it genuinely seemed that he felt just good for people. He want he was happy to be helping others. And that like it didn't seem like he had any ego in it. He he definitely does like to help people, but he also feels a responsibility because of his knowledge to explain what he thinks is a problem with certain types of behavior, certain laws. And one of them that got him in trouble or got him controversial, got a lot of a controversy attached to it was the compelled speech laws for transgender people, the use of compelled pronouns. I mean, in Canada. Yeah. So if you decided that you weren't going to be a he or a she, you could make up a number of different names and they would be legally compelled to use those names. And some people are arguing, that's not what it says. And then he was saying, no, it's a, it's a human rights violation. If you don't follow along with that, like this is, this is compelled speech and this is dangerous because this is why this is what it leads to. And then there's all these people debating with him. But then what you got a chance to see is with him debating these points with these various intellectuals, including like gender studies, teachers and shit, you got to see like, Oh, this, this is a crazy idea. Like these, these people that think that you should have like 78 different gender pronouns, and then it's, it's tantamount to violence to not use someone's preferred pronoun. You're like, Oh, Oh, you're crazy. Right. Oh, this is a mad person who wants the world to be different. So you want all these new laws attached to whether or not someone calls them and he or she. Yeah. And they're getting some traction with it. What is where's weird in New York, New York City, I think it's landlords and it might be employers might, but I think I'm pretty sure it's landlords. They are compelled to use your preferred pronoun. So if your landlord decides to call you a different thing, like if you say I'm a she now and it's like, fuck you, Theo. I knew you when you were Theo, you're Theo. See what that law is. Uh, uh, compelled gender pronouns law, New York city. But, but people are like, wait a minute, wait a minute. How many do I have to know? Right. Which ones do I have to agree with? Like you start, because there's a ton of them now. There's literally is 78 different gender pronouns. You know what I'm finding? Like I know they would, uh, you know, for a while it was like people in certain areas, they don't want to build transgender bathrooms. It's like, cause there's nine people in this town and we've seen everybody's dick. Like nobody, we don't have any, you can't change all these zoning laws, um, for people, when there's not even someone present in some of these areas, I think in some bad ways, they're making people not be accepting of transgender people that they may meet at some point by creating all of this, this, this rhetoric or whatever it is, this, this conversation. It's like some people are already fed up and they've never even met someone like this. And so then they're going to have weird, they're going to have already like contentious views when they do meet someone, just cause they've heard so much background noise that it's problematic. You know, when it's not, that's certainly possible. It's also possible that people will be scared of the backlash. So they won't use transphobic language anymore. The problem with that is you're not encouraging empathy. You're encouraging fear. You're, you're encouraging fear of not following the, the, the standard line of behavior and speech. Yeah. And that's where people have a problem with it. It's like the real way to do it is to promote empathy, to say, like, look, these people, like this guy is born in the wrong body. Yeah. He became a woman. He went through the surgery. Let him use the woman's room. Yeah. Like, why not? And if they're a bad person, judge that bad person on each individual basis. Now, when you're talking about children, that's what people are scared of. That, you know, you're going to have some creep who pretends he's a woman so he can get in the girl's room and he's going to molest children. Like those are those worst case scenarios. Yeah. Those are terrible worst case scenarios, but what, how often is that going to happen? Um, how do we protect that? How we prevent that from happening? Those are the questions, but what, for the vast majority of the people that become trans, do you really think that they're going to molest people? I don't think they are. You can't judge the vast majority based on a few. That's just like the same logic that says people shoot up people with guns. So we should take everyone's guns away. That's crazy too. No, the vast majority of people with guns don't shoot people. The vast majority of people who are trans, they don't want to hurt anybody. Then they're not, all they're trying to do is just get along and be who they are. This is a complex subject. I love the empathy point. The danger is when people are scared, they're scared or bullied into agreeing with one side or the other side, because then, then shit gets weird because then it becomes a battle, but it becomes a battle instead of an opportunity. Yeah. Discussion and opportunity to enforce and encourage compassion like that. It can be done both ways. Yeah. I think the opera, but to look at these people like, look, they just, who, why do you care if someone wants to be a girl? Why do you care if she wants to be a guy? Why do you care? Yeah. Like let them do it. Let them be free. Let them be there themselves. Just like let a dude tattoo his face. Let, let, do whatever you want, man. As long as you're not fucking people over and you're not hurting people, you're not there robbing people and stealing from people and murdering people. As long as that's not happening, do whatever you want. Do whatever you want. That should be our approach to this stuff. That should be one of our, that should be someone in the Bill of Rights or something or a new, a new amendment. There should be something in there where we think about the way, why, why we have a problem and how we address the problem. As soon as you address the problem with force, force forward is force in return. You're going to get forced back. People are going to get, they're going to want to get ramped up just as much to attack you as you attack them. And then you're going back and forth, left and right. And it becomes fucking chaos. And that's what we have right now. And you see the difference between Fox news and CNN and the right and the left and everybody digs their heels in and fuck. It's, it's not, it's not helpful. It's not helpful. And there's also a bunch of people that profit off of this, this battle and dispute. Okay. No, New York city did not just introduce a $250,000 fine for any incorrect use of gender pronouns, but they did for some use of gender pronouns. I think the question. It's a misinterpretation of a guideline that's already existed. Uh, there was a blog post that got written in the New York post reported on it. There was an updated or a change in the guidelines, but it's not supposed to be for like an incorrect or misuse of it. What is it supposed to be for harassment? Yeah, discrimination and things like that. Okay. So regardless of individual sex assigned at birth, anatomy, gender, medical history, appearance, or the sex indicated on the individuals identification. Okay. The raw requires employers and covered entities to use an individual's preferred name, pronoun, and title, e.g. Mrs. or Mrs. Regardless of the individual sex assigned at birth. So that's it. Okay. These guidelines, as noted by the commission can impose penalties of up to $250,000 for violations that are the result of willful wanton or malicious conduct. So that seems like they're saying that it is true. There are, that is, so there is a law, but there's a commission. It's not just like, you can't just say it and someone's going to find you. It has to go through a long, lengthy court process. They're not just finding people. Right. It's like businesses and like exact. I get it. Can you imagine the litigation? This is all going to, can you imagine the, all this is going to do is create a ton of lawsuits. Yeah. Just because it's a commission like that, that might even be worse that you're bringing it to, like you have to sit in front of a bunch of experts who have to decide whether or not you misgendered someone or you use the wrong. Like a word Gestapo. Like it's crazy. That's crazy to me. It's just, look, if someone's an asshole, they're an asshole. Like what if, what if you're a Jew and someone calls you a kike, can they get fined $250,000? How does that work? I mean, no, right. But that's an offensive term for a Jewish person. Right. So if you, if you brought that to court, how would that work? I don't think you'd get, it's not like people. It's not like, right. It's commission though. Yeah. But there would be like a business being brought there, not like just a person or whatever. Yeah. Like landlords is one of them that they brought up. Like, you know, like if you, if you decided that you were be Jamie still, but now you're Jamie, the woman, I'm like, the fuck out of here, Jamie. You're a dude. Give me my money. Right. But it's like, if that was the case, it was an, and I wanted an apartment that you were offering and you wouldn't give me the apartment for that reason. Or we work together in some sort of way and I'm discriminating against you at work. Miami. See, it's just so, it feels like so many, it just seems like a ground for so many lawsuits. What I find is if somebody's a dick to somebody, if somebody's calling somebody a name or something these days with so many camera phones and so many things, usually it gets brought out pretty quick. If somebody's racist these days, like really devout, like in their core and they do, like it gets brought out pretty fucking quick. Yeah. Not always though. Not always. I'm sure some people get away with it. Well, you know how you learn, you know how I learned like, uh, in the area I grew up in not to be racist. You'd hear somebody say something to somebody else that they shouldn't say and they got their ass whooped. And then they learned not to, they, I mean, it was a weird way to learn it, but you learned, you learned. It would be nice if people could learn another way to realize how stupid it is to just be racist. Yeah. There's plenty of ways you should judge individuals, like based on their actions and what they've done, how they're treating other people, how, you know, whether or not they're doing things that are illegal or immoral or unethical. That's as an individual. But as soon as you're doing it based on where they can't control, right? They're what they're, what they look like, where they were born, what part of the world they're from. That's just fucking stupid. It's just a stupid, it's you, you're, you're, you're judging people on something of zero control over. Yeah. You don't have any control over your color. That's crazy. And yeah, if there's people that are still doing that, that are still living in that space, then it's, I mean, it is something that I think some of it will just take more time, but I think eventually something that will be eradicated. I think it's beige power is my thing. We're all going to be beige, bro. You know what I'm saying? We're three generations from all being beige, dude. I don't think so. You don't? No, no, no. Because of places like England and Scotland and Ireland where it's always rainy, you're going to just going to get a massive amount of white people in those spots no matter what. It's, there's no sun. Even white brown people that move there, five, six, seven generations in, they start paling up. Yeah. They start looking like Brendan Schaub. See, he said he was from England. That's what it is. Did he really? He was about a lot of stuff. A black dude from England. I don't think he does. You don't think he just forgets things. Yeah. A black guy from England, like 500 years ago, his whole family was probably black. And then over time, over time, they just turned into white people, just like every other person that moved to England. Yeah. Right. Every fucking human being came out of Africa, a hundred percent. Yeah. That's the origin of the species. We came from Africa. We branched out into the world and we got to places like Scotland where it never fucking, it's never sunny. And we got bleached out. People got, they turned into like a solar panels for vitamin D. That's a true one. To soak up that vitamin D. Yeah. Cause if you're black, like you got so much melanin. Oh yeah. If you're like Congo black, you got a dark skin color. That's just awesome for sun, but it's terrible when there's no sun. Like how are you getting your vitamin D? Dude, even if you hug a black person, I feel like your skin feels a little bit kind of like more moist. You know what I'm saying? Kind of. They use cocoa butter. They don't want to be Ashy. Remember Ashy Larry? Oh dude, we had a dude in our neighborhood. His brother set him on fire and his whole leg was Ashy. This dude, Boo Boo Tyson. And he, uh, It's different kind of Ashy. He was just full on. Oh yeah. Ashy's just dry skin. But sometimes I feel a little bit African, like in my course, sometimes I lay in bed at night and just like pretend I was in Africa or something. Did you ever get your blood tested to see what you are? Yeah. I didn't look at the results yet. You didn't look at the results. You're scared. Um, I don't know. Maybe I am a little bit nervous. But what you might be? I don't want to be French. That's what I don't want to be. Honestly, you, I think you're French. No, I'm not. Do I seem French? A little bit. Yeah. I think you got 13% French. Don't laugh about that, Jamie. How come, uh, you don't want to be French of all things? What's wrong with that? Why would that bother you even a little bit? They made great wine, great painters, great food. They complain a lot. Yeah. Apparently they liked to fuck. Really? Yeah. That's the word that French people just like to fuck. And they think that the way we handle things is stupid. Like they have affairs like openly, publicly, like the, like the politicians, of course they cheat. They're all fucking animals over there. It is. And that toxoplasma apparently was running rampant through France. Really? Yeah. What is it? Toxoplasma is that thing that you get from, um, cats get it and they get it from rats. And it's a, it's a parasite that gets into human brains and it affects humans and it makes people a little bit more reckless. Oh, like rabies kind of a light. No, not rabies. More like, uh, like slightly drunk all the time. Yeah. And, uh, this toxoplasma, uh, apparently there was at one point in time, 40% of the French of France was infected with toxoplasma. Yeah. See if you find that that's true. Must've been a fuck fest. I bet. Fuck fest wild and loose. Yeah. You got TP. So they think that there, there's a direct correlation between the high levels of infestation and the behavioral changes of the population. Infestation of what rats and stuff? No, of this toxoplasma. Toxoplasma. Apparently 50 million people in this country have it. You get it from cat shit or from if you live in a farm, like you step on a field and it gets in your skin, like maybe cats have been shitting all over the place or a dog will eat something that, you know, some cat shit. When you get shit in your feet. You'll be around the dog. 2012 analysis from France where an estimated 43% of the people carrying toxoplasmosis Gandhi concluded that men with a latent infection tend to be more dogmatic, less confident, more jealous, less impulsive, and more orderly than uninfected men, infected women seem warmer, more conscientious, more persistent, more insecure, and more sanctimonious. Whoa, dude, I'll get a six pack for the ladies then, huh? That's how crazy is that? That 43% of people carry it. Jesus Christ. That's a large number of human beings infected by something that changes behavior or at least leads to trends that are different and noticeable, more dogmatic, less confident, less confident is interesting. That Gondai. Yeah. Toxoplasmosis, Gondai. Associations of having antibodies to the parasite with bipolar disease, suicidal behavior, even optimistic disposition, possibly related to the parasites effect on dopamine. So it gets in your body and then you just have it for life. Oh, wow. Yeah. Is it sexually transmitted? It must be then, huh? That's a good question. That's a very good question. I don't know. If 43% of people have it, I can't imagine that half of the population has stepped on a, you know, a fucking... Well, I think they, that's a good question, dude. That's a good question. But I think there's a lot of feral cats around. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Yeah. I think when there's places like El Gato, we got a lot of feral cats running around. Ratatouille, they have that whole movie about that animal that was a chef. Yeah. And what it does to the rats is it makes them get hard ons when they smell cat piss. Is that really? Yeah. It rewires their sexual reward system. So, wait, wait, wait. Their testes enlarge when they smell cat piss. No, they get hard. They get hard. So I'm not a fucking neighbor like that, dude. This guy will always... What, Jamie? Say that again? It gets passed through pregnancy to the child? Yeah. Oof. Oof. There you go. It's rough. 43% is a high number, man. That's like... It's a lot of people. It's 43 out of 100 people. Dude. Two billion people on the planet. Two billion people have it? Yes, 43% of those tested in that study. And that's all the people that get tested. Who the fuck? I've never been tested. You've been tested? No. How many people have been tested? That's a rough estimate, man. They don't fucking know. I bet it's a lot higher. I bet it's a lot of people that have it. Yeah. Shit in the blood, dude. I probably got it. We had Dr. Robert Sapolsky in the podcast. We did one with him. He's an expert in it. And he's got a bunch of lectures and speeches on it. And he said that when he was a resident, that he had heard about a guy who found out that a disproportionate number of motorcycle accidents were attributed to people that were on this toxoplasma. Really? Yeah, that they got this infection and it was causing them to do stupid shit on motorcycles and crash. I would hate that, man. It's hard enough to ride a motorcycle and then have like, you know, just to be, being led astray by a rare disease in your brain. I wonder if it varies, right? I wonder if the toxoplasma that they get in Paris has the same exact response as the one that they get in South America. No. Just America. There's a bunch of variations. Oh, see, that's what I'm talking about. There's different ones. Oh, Long Island has a lot of it. It says. Christ. There's different ones. Fuck. See, I bet the, what is this though? This seemed like, what is it? Tox. Well, it's parasites. Okay. So we have parasites. Parasites exist in so many animals. They hitch rides and then they've, that's their ecosystem. Our ecosystem is to be on planet earth. Their ecosystem is to be in planet Theo Vaughn and they just get inside of you. Have parasites ever changed like the kind of the course of history? Is that what happened with the plague or is that a different thing? No, the plague is a different thing, but they probably could change the course of history if they really changed that many people's behavior. If you think about Paris or France, they're talking about 43% of the people have this infection in the irony of parasites. How crazy is that? That's crazy, bro. It's a parasite. What if they have, could you imagine a little French fucking little berets? We, we, I'm going to change your behavior. Oh, you're going to stupid American. The craziest one, man, is this aquatic worm. It climbs inside a grasshopper's body, grows in the grasshopper's body. And then it tells the grasshopper to commit suicide. Oh my God. So it gets the grasshopper to jump into the water. And then once the grasshopper gets in the water, then it bursts out of its body. Oh, it's like Pinocchio meets, um, alien. Have you seen the movie Alien with Sigourney Weaver? Yes. It is like Pinocchio. It's like the bottom of the whale, right? Yeah. Is it the belly of the whale? Yeah. That movie Alien with Sigourney Weaver, probably my favorite science fiction movie of all time. Oh, really? Yeah. I'd say if I had to pick one science fiction horror movie that was like the one, I'll say that alien. It's kind of corn ball when you watch the special effects now though. Yeah. You're like, Ooh. Not as scary. Yeah. There's some space stuff that you're like, Oh, okay. This is 1978. You forget different times. I wasn't even 1980, man. You know, Sigourney Weaver. That's crazy. Hot as hot. She was tall and she had curly hair. I remember thinking about her. Strong, confident, sexy. Yes. Like her fucking neck. You couldn't like you. Like you couldn't choke her out. Yeah. Like if she was, she was such a powerful woman. Like this isn't a woman that needs a man. Right. If she liked you, it's like, Oh, she's like, I'm worthy. I'm worthy of her. Like she drove a van, but because she had fucking business to do. Yeah. I think when she had like an old Land Cruiser, like a Toyota FJ40, you know, one of those ones. Yeah. She'd be like an archeologist or some shit, right? Yeah. She had a fucking pickaxe. Well, that's what she was in Avatar. Right. And what is this? Oh, that's alien. That's two. Is that a record? What is that? Oh, it's a kid. That's a little kid hanging on to her bro. Oh, my bad. That was alien alien. Two was not my favorite because it was like, wait a minute. Why is it so easy to kill them all of a sudden? So easy to kill them. Cause there's so many of them like alien one. That fucking thing was like, it was thinking. Yeah. It was, it was, it was ahead of you every step of the way. Alien two, they just became like clumsy and bumbling and you just shoot them. And then there's another one around the corner. Shoot that one too. It's like, okay. Dude. I remember a arachnophobia had me shook. Remember that one when the spiders got in that duplex, bro. That shit shook me to the core dude. See, this one is like way deep into the future. Like the first one was in the seventies and they're still doing them now. That's what's crazy. It's just too ready to bang out new alien movies. Now, the predator coming out. They'd have a new predator coming out. They do hilarious. Why not make some money? Yeah, that's true. That kind of stuff's fun. It's probably fun. I can't believe Brennan Shab's Italian. Would you say he was British? English. Yeah. Yeah. They came from Africa through England a thousand years ago. His people did. Oh, I thought you meant. Over time recently. That's why they call him big Brown. Oh, really? No, I just made all that up. I was going to say, I thought he seemed like he seemed pretty white to me when I see a giant white dude. Yeah. Yeah. He love, he always has, he has the best disposition, doesn't he? Great guy. He just loves to laugh, dude. Yeah. You could talk about it on. He gets hated on dudes get jealous. Do you look at jealous? But do you think, um, also he says stupid shit sometimes. But you think he feels that he, I feel like he has a special gift where you can kind of, especially if you're a buddy, like you can kind of joke with him and he loves, like he just, he knows that you love him. Yeah. No, he's a great guy. He rolls it off. He's got a great attitude. Like if more people had his attitude about dealing with life's problems, we'd have a happier world. He knows how to let things roll right off his back. That's big. He's a smart guy, man. I always like being around him. Yeah, man. He gets a lot of hate online. It's interesting. Yeah. I think, but I think it's guys that are jealous because when I go on the road, like I just went to Bakersfield recently, which is, can we just say it's like the best people ever came out there. It feels fucking amazing. Oh, dude. I felt like, I felt like Hulk Hogan, bro. People came out, people were crying. Someone sacrificed their cousins. Some guy came out of the closet. Like all, they wanted it all to happen at the show. You know, people were giving me recipes. People were getting blood. I think, man, it ain't that far now. It's an hour and a half, hour and 40 minutes. How long does it take to get to Bakersfield from LA? Two hours. Two hours max. It should be the new capital, bro. It's not a bad spot. And the people are super nice. Pretty diverse. I mean, yeah, it was cool, man. I really liked it. Although I did turn my sink on and brown shit was fucking flying out of the sink. I was like, what in the fuck is this? I made an Instagram video of it. I was like, Bakersfield, what the fuck is going on with your water, man? This ain't good. Because, you know, their high school, their mascot, they're called the drillers. Yeah, team name because they're oil drillers. Do you know that that whole area is where there will be blood? That no Daniel Day Lewis Lewis movie. I love that guy. That's an amazing movie. So good that there will be blood is about that whole area. That's where there's apparently look at that. That's my water coming out of my fucking sink. Did you drink any? Oh, yeah, dude. I was just brushing my teeth. Notice that my skin started making. The sink started making crazy noises. And spit out brown water. Oh, I'm done. And the worst is you already brushed your teeth. That's a crazy part, too. I hate when that happens because you don't know it first. Oh, it's a funky. That definitely seems like a molt. But I think that I was staying at our super old hotel, like real old, from the 1800s, they like redid it downtown. Yeah. What is it called? I'm not a state in there. Is the Ace Hotel the didn't say Padre. I didn't tell people where I stood because I didn't want to be mean to the hotel. The Padre Hotel, I think is the whole place. Yes, I think that's it. I think it was nice. Had a nice it was nice in there. It was nice. Restaurant elevator. Yeah. Yeah. But it's just they they got some old ass pipes. Clean those pipes on. Yeah, something's going wrong. I was staying there. So yeah, what if what if I took a mouthful of that, drank it? I mean, what if you died? What if I was just shitting all over myself for the rest of the day and I had to cancel my shows? Oh, how about that? He will be furious. Fucking angry, rightly so. They should be furious. Do you think you will die one day or not? I'm not trying to make you think about it. I'm pretty sure that's how the world that's how the road goes. Yeah, you're born and then you die. What do you think? I don't know, man. Birdcrasher doesn't think you die. Yeah. Yeah. I think he's just drunk. Yeah, this could be it, too. And you have a shirt on, dude. You have to put a shirt on to decide if you're going to die or not. He goes, prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Oh, boy. That's so real. We have to base this on what we know about people. Now, I know that people used to be alive and now they're not. So what happened to them? Are they faking it? You know? Will you be sad if you die, you think? I think I'll be dead, bro. Yeah. What about you? I'd be sad if you died. Oh, thank you. I'd be sad if you died, too. Thanks, man. I would be... Do you worry about the end of your life? Yeah, I worry about it in the sense it makes me really wonder then what does my time mean? What does your time mean? Like, what's important to you in this life right now? I think probably being... Just feeling more okay with myself, probably. And trying to maybe help other people. Being more okay with yourself. Like, what bothers you about yourself? I just wish I just felt more comfortable in my own skin a lot of times, you know? Because I feel like I would be able to be more effective as a person if I could just kind of get a... Not toil in some of my own... You know, small self-worth issues or like lack of confidence at times. You know, I wish I could trust my instincts and I wish my instincts were like better calibrated. So that I knew when I was... If I was doing like okay and good stuff, then my insides like told me, you're being okay, you don't have to worry, you know? There's a lot of things going on there, right? One of them, the big one, is almost always from your childhood. Almost feelings of lack of worth and self-worth come from that feeling as you're developing, as you're growing up. Yeah. You feel like you're not loved or you're not appreciated or you're criticized too much. You feel like you're a loser. And really psychologically, it can be very hard to shake. And even as people get older, sometimes they still cling to this thought that they're a piece of shit because they're a piece of shit in someone's eyes when they were eight, when they were ten. That's a real problem with people, man. And that's one of the reasons why when someone gets bullied when they're young, it can be so devastating. Because it's happening when you're in high school or junior high school and it becomes a defining moment for you. Yeah. Yeah, it's... Dude, I was scared of this one kid. Really? Oh, so bad. This one kid, one of the reasons why I got into wrestling, this kid, like, we had this confrontation in a locker room. And I didn't think we were going to fight. Like, I was just totally bluffing. I don't know what I said or what he said. I don't remember. But I do remember him getting me in a headlock, throwing me on the ground, and then leaning like he was going to punch me in the face, but deciding not to. And I didn't know what to do. I had no martial arts skills, no nothing. I had never wrestled anybody before. I didn't know anything. So there's nothing in you that... Like, a new reaction. I panicked. I had no idea what to do. And I thought, shit, I didn't think he was going to do that. And now here I am on my back. I'm trapped. Like, goddamn it, I got to learn how to wrestle. I got to learn some martial arts or something. So then I started taking karate and then I started taking wrestling, like, right after that. But I avoided that kid every time I saw him. I'd see him on the other side of school. I'd see him through the breezeway. And I'm like, fuck, I got to go around. I got to go around. I don't want to see that guy that threw me on the ground and could have punched me in the face. It was almost like more humiliating. That he did. He could have punched me in the face, but he didn't. But that bullying and that guy doing that to me, that fear of being just helpless, made me get into martial arts. So I was like, fuck this. Like, I got to figure out how to fight. I don't want this to happen to me anymore. So do you see that? That was the benefit. It was a lucky situation, too. Like, he didn't beat me up. It could have been way worse. It was not that big a deal. It was an easy school to go to. Like, my school wasn't hard. Even though there were some criminals that were in that school, like, some kids that got shipped into, there were some bad kids. And one of them got charged with murder, like, right after graduating. We were like, whoa, our friend Kevin, we knew this dude. And he killed somebody. And we're like, whoa. Nuh-uh. Yeah, everybody was like, whoa. That guy killed somebody? I think he was one year older than me. Yeah, he murdered somebody, like, right after high school. What? Yeah. This kid we knew. He was on the football team. We, like, knew him. And then- Would you ever think he would murder somebody? He was a tough guy. Yeah. He was a scary guy, for sure. Like, a powerhouse of a person. Like, a tank. I didn't know him well, though. But, you know, I'd say hi to him. But it's one of those things where when something like that happens to you, and for me, again, it was very minor. I was just scared of this guy. And he didn't do anything to me horrible. He just threw me on the ground. So when I said- I mean, somebody could beat your brains. I mean, if someone could hold you down like that, that could do to beat my face in. I wouldn't have been able to do shit. Are you grateful in a weird way that he didn't? Or not grateful, but looking back on it? Oh, yeah, for sure. But it was enough. He just let me know. I was, you know, I don't know what I said. I might have said something stupid. He might have said something stupid and wanted me to back down. And I didn't. So he just grabbed me and threw me on the ground. But the fact that he did it and could do it led me to make one of the biggest decisions on my whole life is getting involved in martial arts. I just didn't want that feeling anymore. Like, if someone gives me a hard time, I want to be the one who can decide whether or not this gets violent or who gets hurt. I don't want to leave that into some stranger's hands who might be a fucking psychopath. If it's in my hands, no one's getting hurt. We're going to be fine. Like, there's a video of Matt Serra from yesterday. Matt Serra, there was a drunken altercation with some fucking dude in a food court. Matt Serra, who's a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. Like, at one point in time when he was competing, he was one of the best Brazilian jiu-jitsu artists in the world. Then on top of that, he fought an MMA, knocked out George St. Pierre, won the welterweight title. And he's got some dude on the ground. And he's just saying, calm down, calm down. The guy's like, I'm going to fuck you up. But it's hilarious to watch. Like, look at this. Look at it. Do it and play the volume. He's like, I'm going to break your fucking face. Look at him. He's holding his wrist. I love how he has a shirt on the guy's face. He's like, calm down, calm down. It's like he's putting a crying baby to sleep. And so the security guard comes over and says, let him go. He goes, OK, you going to control him? You're going to cheer your fuckers all down? Are you going to? I'm breaking up. Are you going to control them? Is he going to control them? Are you ready to control him? Like, he's not. He's standing up and he's fat. Like, let me tell you something. Matt Sarah is one of the nicest fucking guys on the planet earth. If he has to do this to you in a restaurant, if he's a restaurant, he's got full mount on you. You fucked up. You fucked up, dude. But see, you're way better off with Matt Sarah in that position than that drunk dude on some guy who doesn't know how to fight. It could be that, too. That drunk dude could just be a real mean, violent person who wants to beat someone up if he gets them down. So if there's guys who aren't into that kind of... So you found getting into martial arts really kind of led you in a way where you felt more confident in case things got into an uncomfortable situation that you would be OK? Yeah. Well, look, you're always going to be nervous in life when something's important, whether it's going on stage or something difficult in life. You know, difficult things make you nervous. It's like there's an anticipation. There's an understanding of the difficulty of something you're about to pursue and whether or not you're going to fall short or whether or not you're going to succeed. That shit makes people nervous. But the physical confrontation nervousness is a bad one. That's a, like, that is a paralyzing fear. When you fear of being bullied or feeling of being hurt and you can't do anything about it, that devastates people. That puts them in a deep, deep depression. So it's really important to learn. I think every young man should learn how to fight. I think there would be way less fights because of it. And I don't think you have to be a mean person to learn martial arts. I think it's a skill and I think you learn it. And then once you start getting good at it, it starts actually becoming fun. And the people who you practice it with, you become close with. You don't hate the people that you're practicing fighting with. They become some of your closest friends. Yeah. I think it's just a big, it's a giant confidence boost to know that you can do something difficult and get better at it. That's, I think just that alone, it has massive benefits for people. Yeah, you know, I can sense that. I remember watching a video a couple of years ago, actually, of you, like, getting a belt or something that gave you some dojo or I'm not sure what the correct terminology is. It might have been a BJJ thing. But you were probably watching when I got my black belt. Yeah, maybe that was it. But anyway, yeah, like, there was a lot of guys around. And I know that Coco does it, Joey does it. Joey loves it. You should do it. Why don't you do it? You're a strapping man. I talked to Eddie. You're strong. I talked to Eddie Bravo about going to do it one day. You should do it. So he said, yeah, he said, come down one day and he'll, you know, get me into, like, one of the beginner's classes. I think I need to do it. Dude, fuck yeah. It would make me feel a bit more, like you said, sometimes I just, I don't know, and especially, like, if people get bullied and then they don't have, like, a brother or they don't have a friend or they don't even have somebody to go, like, talk to, to be like, oh, man. And then their buddy would be like, oh, it's okay. You know, like, that's he, that's, that can make, you know, then that person gets stuck inside themselves just feeling like, you know, like they're not going to be okay. You know? No, it's terrifying. And then everywhere you go, you're just scared of running into this guy. Yeah. It's very, very bad. You know, I think I should get into it, man. I'm going to do it. It's a fucking natural animal inclination to pick on the weak. You know, only humans realize it and stop it and actually tell people not to do it and understand the effect that it has on the people that do it. But every animal does it. Dogs do it, chickens do it. Chickens have a pecking order. They fuck with one chicken and then they all decide, oh, let's fuck with this bitch and they all attack her for no reason. It's weird, man. And you've seen it. Everybody's seen dogs do it. One dog will blow up on the other dog, the other dog will cower and then they decide the pecking order. I mean, and then that dog will always go near that dog and fuck with him and growl at him, maybe bite his ear or something like that. Yeah. It's a weird thing that animals figured out how to make sure that the only ones that get to breed are the ones that are confident and powerful and can overcome problems. Okay. And one of the problems is other mating, other viable males that want to mate with the women that you want to mate with. Like with this fucking giraffe that wound up killing those three other giraffes. This guy just was like, fuck these bitches coming up. I'm going to smash my head into these drafts and stop them. You ain't fucking these girls when you get older. Fuck you bitch. And this is just a natural inclination that animals have to find the weak and force it out. And we don't have it. Well, we do. We did have it more. Unfortunately, we have it less now. I see. We realize because of communication, right? We realize that there's devastating effects in this. Then we have loving and caring communities and we have compassion that you shouldn't do that. Right. But there's an inclination that people have to pick on the weak and attack the weak. It's very, it's very disturbing, but it's also very logical in terms of like biology. Right. We're trying to make it difficult for males to breed. It's not like we have very few people and we're trying to make as many people as we get. No, no, no. It's like the high status males and the dominant males are competing against these other males in order to be able to breed with, you know, whatever, lizards or fucking wolves or any, any, any species. Yeah. The high status male wolf is the one who gets to breed with the choice females. And this is how they're carrying their genes on. It happens in deer. It happens in elk. It happens in all these different animals and they fight. I mean, the reason why these, these antlers on this elk, those are for fighting. That's all they're for. They actually lose those fucking things after they're done breeding. Really? They fall off and they grow back again the next year. That's the fastest body part growth known to man is elk antlers. And that look, I mean, when you look at those, it looks like it would take 70 years to grow them. Yep. They grow those motherfuckers in a couple of months. Wow. And then it'll grow bigger next year up until a point sometime around like age nine or 10, sometimes they taper off and they start to decline as they get older. Yeah. And they're antlers actually become smaller and smaller. But for the most part, that's one of the reasons why people want to shoot a big male is because that male, like with big antlers, that male spread his genetics for many, many years. So his genes are long passed on. He's probably bred with dozens of females. Oh, I see. So if it has obviously been alive a long time and it has that family treatise hanging out of the front of its head, then you know, okay, this thing is already, it's already prospered. Yeah. And the idea also is that to only shoot those males, those high status big males, it's actually better for the population because then the younger males get a chance to become older because they'll kill them. They kill young males. If a young male gets frisky and he thinks he's a badass, the big old bull will fuck him up. And one of the ways they fuck him up is their antlers are longer so they can get the young one when the young one can't get him. Nothing. It's kind of evil. Wow. Your weapons are dictated by your age. It's really weird, right? And your strength and like how much vitality you have. That's what grows your antlers out. Isn't that, I mean, that's fascinating. Yeah. That's how it all, that it's all put together like that. It is fucked up. And they bully the shit out of those young bulls. They chase him away. Like you get no pussy. Those young bulls are, they call them satellite bulls. They're so horny. Are they? They're just hanging on the outside. They're going to please. That's like they're susceptible to hunters because hunters will like make a cow calling. They make this noise and they go like, yeah, who wants to fuck? Who wants to fuck? And then they get shot. Yeah. That's how they get, that's one of the things about elk hunting that's so interesting is that you call them in. They actually make sounds to try to bring them towards you so they think they're going to get some pussy or they think there's a fight. That's the other thing you do. You make a bugle. They have these horns you blow. Yeah. These bugles and then the elk will go, what? You want some of this bitch? And it'll come around the corner like looking for, yeah, looking for another elk to fuck up and then you shoot them. Would you ever get in like a suit or anything like that into it? No, that's crazy. Pretend to be an elk? Yeah. Like sneak up on them. They have actual elk decoys that they use that they actually put on the front of the bow. So like say if you were shooting your bow, right? You got your bow here? Mm-hmm. Extending in front of your bow is like a- Looks like an elk? It looks like a female elk. It's like a decoy and you're actually shooting through her at the elk. Oh, okay. So it's like a decoy that you put on the front of your bow. Like you're drawing back your bow. We got something here. It's like a pocket pussy bow with like a weapon in it. What is this? Elk boomer decoy. Oh, that's her. What is this? Ooh. That is weird. That's what popped up when I typed an elk decoy. It's a new product. What does it say? Adjustable fit ball cap. So what is that? It's like an elk mask. It's an elk. That's a good way to get shot by a dude. Oh, that's a good way to get- Put one of those on and wander off. Oh, that too. Oh, so that is what it is. It's like an elk head. You know who has one of those? John Dudley has something like that. He's got like ears he wears. You're tricking her. You're tricking him to think that it's a girl. You look like a Snapchat filter. That's what you look like. I don't think their vision is very good. Oh, I see. I think their vision is- Have you ever watched any of them have sex or anything? Yeah. Yeah, I saw one of them. I saw a male elk, fuck a female elk. It was crazy. Really? Is it pretty cool or is it- Dude, he smashed it. Oh, wow. He smashed it so hard she went flying forward when she got tackled and went down to her front knees. Damn. He just climbed on top and he's a one pump chump. Boom. He just slammed into it. Could you tell he felt good after or he seemed like whatever? Don't tell. He was screaming. When they're fucking and when they're in heat and they're breathing, in the rut they call it, it's amazing to watch. This is something they only do once a year. For 11 months out of the year, they're cool with each other. They're all just hanging out together and one month out of the year it's chaos. Just fighting to the death with other males and smashing into it and then every girl they get a chance for, they bang it out and then when it's over, it's over. And then there's a cycle of life and then in the spring the new calves are born and then they grow up and then a year later they're hanging around in the pack and then they get older. They get older, they challenge the old bull for dominance and then he chases them away. It's a fascinating sort of ecosystem. There's always wolves and there's always bears and there's always things that are trying to eat them and mountain lions are killing them. It's amazing. That's wild man. That's neat that you're so in tune with all of that stuff man and that you're into those worlds that sounds like a lot of fun. But it's really interesting. Even if I never ever hunt it again, I would still be fascinated by wildlife. It's one of the more interesting things about being alive is that there's these other things that are alive too and they're nothing like us. They are nothing like us. We're the outliers really. Oh for sure. For sure. But we're the ones who are separated from them so completely that if we see one, it's like a bird that's sitting on a flagpole or it's fucking coyote in your neighborhood. Whoa, what's he doing here? Or a dog which is like our friend. I don't even count them as animals. I know they're animals but they're our friends. It's like when you have dogs, they're dependent upon us for food. They're a part of the family. It's a totally different deal than like a pet wolf or a pet bear or some shit. There's an episode where somebody's dog plays family feud with them. You know what I'm saying? What other animal is going to do that? I saw a dude online who had talked. He trained his dog to get him a beer and he tied a towel to the door of the refrigerator. He would say, go get me a beer. And the dog would go there. She would grab a hold of the towel, pull on it. It would open up the door to the fridge. She would reach in, grab a can of beer, run over, hand the can of beer to him. He'd say, good, now go close the door. And she would go close the door. She would go grab that towel and use it to shut that door. I was like, that is insane. That is a super trained animal, man. Yeah, I never had a dog. I never were talking last night at the conference about your dog and you guys always seem to be super happy. Like when y'all go running and everything we were talking about, it's cool. Do you ever have any pets? No, I never had any pets. Never growing up? A lot of responsibility. They had scary dogs. They had loose dogs in our neighborhoods like Rottweilers, Doberman. You know, so it was like it wasn't nobody had a pet. Like everybody had like there were two dogs that were like, you know, you'd see them fucking and sometimes like attacking people. So it was kind of exciting, but it wasn't like and then a lot of animals got hit by my house, by this highway, by trucks. And so we go bury the animals sometimes. Oh, really? Yeah. So we go get the animal, you know, pull them right off this little highway and bury them. But, but yeah, I never had a pet, but I would like to have one if I can get a home one time, you know, a home and like a wife and stuff. And I think I would like to have an animal, you know, they're fun, man. But you got to really know what you're getting into. If you go out of town, you're going to need somebody to watch it, feed it and take care of it. You know, you got to get that. You got to make sure you have a big enough yard where your dog can get some exercise. Yeah. And they're going to shit all over the place. You're going to have to learn how you pick that up. You're going to have to pick that shit up. Yeah. Can you teach them to shit in like a hole or something? Nope. Nope. They shit wherever they go outside. They just find a spot and say, this is a good spot to shit. And they just drop logs. And then you got logs all over your lawn. Yeah. And if you go two days without cleaning those logs, you got eight logs. Yeah, I'll pick up logs. I have three dogs. So mucho, logos. Three dogs makes mucho logs. A lot of logs. You got to go around cleaning it up. Dude. And then if I don't clean it up, I'll have that fucking smell. I'll be out in the yard like, ugh, it's just dog shit smells. And then you got to get the scraper, little scraper, and scrape the logs. And then I have a place I dump them into. Yeah. It's nasty. Scooping up shit. Imagine if your grandma just shit all over your lawn. Just go out in the lawn. She shits in the yard, shits on the lawn. Like, oh, grandma's out there shitting. I got to clean up her shit. Yeah. I love her, but god, I hate cleaning her shit. Yeah, I would hate cleaning up probably human shit for some reason. But I remember. More than dog shit? Well, when I was a kid, they had a boy in our neighborhood named Mario, right? And he was his dude. He ended up dying, actually. He did some pills and drove into an embankment. But he, when I was young, he would shit in his yard, make me bury it. And that's how I was allowed to be friends with him. How did he make you bury it? He just asked me to do it, and I was afraid not to do it, I think. He said, yo, dude, you're not going to believe this, but I took his shit. And it's out my yard. I can't even bury it because I'll throw up. Did you make family go bury it? Yeah. He was dark, man. He had a real dark vision. And he would, I mean, he probably honestly, dude, he probably shit 200, 300 times, and I buried it. No. I swear to god. Come on. I swear to god. I swear to god, dude. And he. How'd you not run out of places to make new holes? Did you think you ever dug up old shit to put in new shit? Oh, yeah. I wouldn't be surprised, man. We basically had the only setup I had, and I didn't even have a strong system, the only setup I had was one of those plastic beach, like a beach setup. Dude, I was talking about seven. So wait a minute. This seven-year-old was doing this? How old was he? He was eight or nine. Oh, he was tricking you by being older. He was older. And two years when you're seven is a long stretch. When you're 32, 32 to 34, that doesn't mean shit. Whatever, dude. Seven to nine, that's a big stretch. Yeah, you go shit at your house, buddy. That's what I tell people now. So he's for two, what he would, what was the, do you remember the first, there's no way you really remember what he said. I don't remember what he said, but I remember. How did it happen? How did it happen when you find yourself with a plastic shovel and another person's shit going, damn, how did it come to this? Well, it came to it because he, I know my brother probably wasn't around, and I wanted somebody to play with, and he was older. So I was hanging out and he was deviant, man. How so? He just had a little bit of like, like he was kind of slithering. You know what I'm talking about? He knew how to manipulate you. Yeah, he was. Obviously, you buried his shit 200 plus times. Like there wasn't, he had the same color in the outside of his eye and the inside of his eye. You know what I'm talking about? A demon. Yeah, like a light demon. El Diablo. Yeah, like an El Diablo, but also who was in elementary school. Interesting. But he. So when you first found yourself, do you remember the feeling that you first found when you were digging a hole for a dude's shit? Like just thinking, what am I, how long can I do this? What if he keeps asking, how do I stop this? How'd you wind up stopping? That's maybe a better question. You know what? I don't remember how it kind of, you know, pant, you know, how it kind of, Yeah, Peter. Peter. I don't remember how it kind of tapered off. His parents ever like, hey, do you ever shit in the house? How come we don't have any missing toilet paper? Well, dude, you know what? That's what I think it was. I think he was lazy. We're, you know, he was, I'm serious. And he sat outside behind his slide. They had a slide in his yard because they had, you know, a little bit of money. And he sat outside behind the slide. This is a great word too, by the way. And it was silty kind of soil and sand. And I remember going over there and I still remember, I remember the shade of it, honestly. What did it look like? I would say like a taupe, but a little bit, a little more brown in it. You can always find coyote shit because it has like little berries in it a lot of times. Coyotes eat all kinds of things. Yeah. Yeah. They eat some berries sometimes. They'll see these logs with these little red berries in it. And I'm like, oh, it's coyote shit. It's always a dark brown too. Their shit's super consistent. It's weird. Gooses have fancy shit sometimes if you see them. You mean disgusting. Yeah, I never liked it, but it seems. Those creatures. Yeah. Gooses are violent. And that's a bait and switch from mother nature because if you see a goose, you think, oh, this is fun. This can be exciting. No, they're mean. And then they'll fucking choke out an infant at a park. I mean, gooses are violent. They're violent. Extremely violent. And they fight in packs. Do they? Yeah. They attack in packs? Yeah, they do. I have a friend who had a house on a lake and they had a wire all around the lake. I was like, what's the wire for? They're like, it's to keep the goose from going into the water. They don't want them waddling into the water. So they're like, I was like, is that electric? Like, what kind of fence is that? I'm not sure if it's electric. I might give them a little shock. But the idea was to try to keep the goose, they shit all over their lawn, they shit all over near where they're, they had a pond in their yard. Yeah. That looks like the ultimate. They're like that kid, Mario. It's like that kid, Mario, but a bird. How ball into you when you have a pond in your yard? Like you want to go fishing? Yeah, let's take five steps out of my backyard. You know what I mean? That's like the ultimate. But I don't think that's a, I don't think if you have a natural hill in your yard kind of, I don't think that's that expensive to get water put in and to get a pump put in. I don't think it's that drastic. Oh man, I would think that'd be a nightmare. But they got to make sure it doesn't leak. Like you had them, like what's going to keep the water there? It takes a special kind of bottom. Like when you go to a natural lake, like that's, that water's pooled up there for a reason. Like that's an unusual ground. You got to realize if you're looking at a natural lake, unless it's a glacial lake, the waters decide to stay there. Whereas the same amount of water is probably landed everywhere, but it's decided to stay there. So what the hell is different between that ground and all the other ground around it? So when you want to make a pond, you just can't make a pond everywhere. There's a reason why there's not a pond there. Cause that's not the kind of ground for a pond. Right. So they would have to put a liner in. Oh, you got to tame mother. It's like taming mother nature almost. Yeah, you have to do something. You can't just pour water in there and you got to do something. And one of the things that they do in a lot of places, they use this really thick koi pond liner. It's basically a plastic liner. So you got a bullshit ass fake pond is what you got. That's going to look shitty too. You got an above ground pool. Yeah. Basically the above ground pool of ponds. It's not even organized, you know? Well, once they get the liner in place, then they put surface levels of dirt and rocks and stuff over the liner. So it looks like a regular pond. But the thing is, what's holding the water in place in some places, they'll use those koi pond. You ever see it? You know what a koi pond is? Oh yeah. It's a big, beautiful, fresh. Like at a restaurant. Yeah. They have very thick liner that they use for the base of that shit. They use that stuff on float tanks too. I don't know what it is. Floatation tanks? We float in them? Oh no. I know. I've heard you talk about it before. Well, the liner of those things is the same thing. It's koi pond liner. It's like a real thick, durable, tough plastic. Does it feel like you're alive when you're in the tank? Yeah. It feels like you're relaxing. You know, it's a good feeling. Feels good on your body. It just alleviates tension. But it also feels like you're in this meditative state. You relax and you think about things better there. You get a good thought of how to look at things from an outside looking in perspective. You get a chance to be away from your body really. Because you're not thinking about your body just floating. Oh, I like that. You're not feeling your body at all. The water is the same temperature as your skin. So you can't even tell where the water is and where your body is. Oh, I like that. Yeah, I just feel like you're flying through the air. It's all dark and you don't see anything. You don't hear anything because your ears are underwater. Does it feel dead? Do you feel like it might be dead or not? No, definitely not. I like that. Are you worried about the feeling of dead? I'm just worried about how does the fizz any... Does your brain keep going or whatever it is that keeps us going in our... When you die? Yeah, because our consciousness does it just leave out of this shell and then we're just part of this straight up fucking... I think part of the thing is when we're thinking about consciousness, we're thinking about language. So we're thinking about the way we talk and think. Ah, so you have to think about a feeling. Yeah, because I think what we think of as consciousness, when I think of it, my own limited mind, when I think of consciousness, I think of consciousness as me using language to interpret how I feel about different things. I have this language attached to it. I think if something happens when you die and your soul goes to another place, let's say a soul is a real thing or consciousness is a real thing, I bet it goes there with no language. And I bet that's... It's real similar, I bet, to what it feels like when you're really tripping. When you're on some heavy psychedelics and you just melt into the universe and you sort of cease to exist on some of them, like 5MeoDMT... You ever been on that? Yeah. Wow. You melt into the center of the universe. You feel like you don't exist anymore. I bet death... And that feels like you're dying too. That's a scary one. 5MeoDMT is like a universally disturbing one. A lot of people have a problem with that one because it really does feel like you're dying. Can senior citizens do it or not? I think they can, yeah. I think the only problem would be if you had a heart attack, you're freaked out. I don't think it's toxic because your body makes it. Your body knows what to do with it too. Your body knows how to bring you back down to sobriety levels in 15, 20 minutes. Do you know when you're going into those... When you're on some of that, do you get a feeling that if you're a good or bad person, do you get an ant? I'm trying to think of... Well, you definitely get a feeling if there's things that are bothering you about your behavior. If you have something that's haunting you. With a lot of people, it really comes down to life choices, not just in terms of their behavior but even what they're doing for a living and how they're living their life. Sometimes those experiences, these psychedelic experiences, can highlight these things that are bothering you but that you're suppressing. Then you'll realize, oh, this suppressing of these feelings and thoughts is actually making me lash out in these other ways. I've got shitty behavior and I'm aggressive in this way. It's really because of this. It's really because of... Then you might also come to realization it's about something that happened when you were a child. It's about feeling unprotected or unloved as a child and it's just you never developed properly so you never felt totally secure. You want to do something to make you feel secure, whether it's drinking or something. You'll see that in a psychedelic experience. You'll be able to see the root of it better. For a lot of people, it's cessation of smoking comes from that feeling. Oh, I'm killing myself because I hate myself. I'm literally poisoning myself. How can I not see this? Then through having a mushroom experience, they've just completely quit. Really? Yeah, it's a real common one. There's a lot of other stuff that I haven't done that also, Ibogaine is a big one for getting people off drugs. It's a huge one. Yeah, I heard about that. Yeah, that's a big one. That has an amazing success rate. But it's supposed to be really brutal as far as how you feel. It runs you through the wringer psychologically. But when you get through it, it's worth it. But it's 24 hours. Fuck. And who do you have to go with by yourself? There's a lot of clinics that do it, particularly in Mexico. A lot of people go down to Mexico and go to these clinics. They're 24 hour clinics of this Ibogaine experience. JRE field trip. But hey man, if you had a son, and if you're like Joe, my son's hooked on oxy, I don't know what to do, I would 100% recommend you do that. Really? Yeah, because I know so many people that have done it and it's helped them. It rewires the way your brain connects to addiction. It's a fascinating drug. Hamilton Morris, who is the host of Vice's, Hamilton's, Pharmacopia, it's essentially a show that's all just about drugs. He was talking about it last week about how fascinating it is. And in low doses, it actually is like a nootropic. It actually enhances your consciousness in low doses. It makes you smarter. I want to get into some of that kind of stuff. So right now I don't party or anything like that, so I struggle with that. It's like, man, because I don't ... It's tough, because I do want to be able to do things that are beneficial for myself and things that I didn't have a problem with, but it's just hard to kind of balance. Yeah, you want to stay sober. Yeah. Well, sobriety is a worthwhile goal. And if you can go from being a person who's doing a lot of drugs and ruining their life to a person who's like yourself that's on a great path and you're sober and you're disciplined, you wouldn't want to break that. You don't want to have that bad feeling. There's ways that you can achieve certain psychedelic states without any drugs. One of the big ones is yoga and meditation. Those are two big ones. I don't do the kind of yoga that gives you a psychedelic experience. I think mostly that's Kundalini yoga, but the kind of yoga that I do, that bikram hot yoga shit, it's just what it does to your body and chills you out afterwards. I think it has a pretty profound effect on the way you experience the world after the classes. So I think that's something that people don't take into consideration. One way in which you can change the world around you is to change how you interface with the world. How you experience the world, how are you viewing it, what's your behavior flavored by? Is your behavior motivated by frustration and weirdness and insecurity and anger? Or is your behavior motivated by love and confidence and happiness? And are you quenched physically? Do you feel good physically? And if you do, and if you've experienced a strong yoga class and then you run into someone, you might be more relaxed, more compassionate, more easy. And that'll change the way that person thinks about you. That'll change your interaction with them in the future. That might change your whole life. And if you continue to act that way and you continue to look at the world through the eyes of this very particular discipline that's really good for your body, it really can change people. It can change a lot of people. It's like there's a definite butterfly effect from that. So if you want to just do something for you, just meditate, man. Learn how to meditate. Yeah, I just got a new meditation chair actually yesterday, so I might have to start maybe getting into it. Dude, why not, man? I mean, if you were interested in doing drugs, right, why not just be interested in doing something that you know you can definitely do and it's not going to fuck you up and it's only going to help you? Yeah. So like when you were partying, what was your thing? Just doing cocaine by myself at the house, really. Cocaine. It was all cocaine. Yeah. What about booze? The booze bother you? No, I just couldn't have a drink because I'd be afraid that I would buy coke. So if you got drunk, then it would loosen your inhibitions and you'd be like, where's the coke? What's the fucking coke? Dude, in cocaine, oh, go back to that vest story, man. So here's what happened. So I would do some cocaine at the house and put on these different vests. Did you buy them? I don't know. I spent too much on them, but I would probably say the priciest one I had was probably about $210. Nice. Damn. Yeah. And so I would get fucked up and put these vests on and put on sunglasses and not like Buffalo Bill shit, but at least partying by myself. And one time I was making a smoothie, because I got like a new, I don't know what kind of blender it is, but it was pretty nice. And I was making like a nice smoothie and I'm fucking coked up. I'm partying. I'm living high on the hog. Word. Two vests on maybe, right? And I thought I heard something outside, which is kind of weird to even think of when you have a blender going. So I leave out of my apartment to go in the hallway, lock myself out with the blender going. Two thirty in the morning, coked up out of my brain. I have to go to my landlord, dude, who lives right down the hall and tell him like, Hey, man, during the morning, I got locked out. The blender's on. Oh my God. He must have hated you. Oh, the blender shorts out and smoke happens. The fire alarm starts going off in the building right as I'm at his door knocking. Right. So now he's pissed and he's like, what's going on? And I didn't know what to say. I told him that I was throwing a late Christmas party, dude. It was fucking into January. How old were you at the time? Huh? Oh, this is two and a half years ago. So I was thirty five. I was thirty five. So he comes back to my apartment, right? He's like pissed. He unlocks the door. There's nobody in there. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm like, man, but that's it. It was fun. Oh my God. That was fun. How long did you live there for? I still live there. Whoa. Yeah, we've kind of, you know, like I've caught him doing some things. I think we're all even. How long have you been sober for? Two years. In two weeks, it'll be two years. What was the big thing where you're like, I got to get my shit together. You know, I was going on Opie and Jim when Opie and Jim Norton had a radio show at Sirius. And it was actually on it's on Ari's that show that he had. This is not happening. And I ended up doing coke all night driving a taxi. I was in a taxi. The driver, this dude Luigi, got me an escort. I didn't want to escort. We're doing cocaine in like Harlem or something north. He and the cab driver are doing coke. And I just had, I was taking a cab from a party to my hotel. And so we end up off on this other excursion. Next thing you know, I'm driving the taxi. He's in the back with the hooker. It's five 30 in the morning and I got to be on the radio station at, you know, six 30 or something. So I get to the radio and I can't even talk. And Daryl Strawberry is the other guest, right? Who's the baseball player who also had drug problem, but he's like 13 years sober. And so it was this weird moment where like, I thought I was kind of cool, but then here's a man who like, I'd always in my head, maybe somewhere thought, Oh, that guy's like a coke head. But then here he is eloquent, put together successful. And here I am. I can't even talk. And I'm with two men that I admire, you know, Opie and Jim Norton, just to be honored to be on the show, you know? And so I was like, this is, I'm not making choices. Like there's some, there's some unevenness here, you know? So what did you do after that? Join a 12 step program? Join a 12 step program. Yeah. And then, so yeah, so I've been in that then since then it's helped me out, you know? Well I would definitely say don't do coke. Yeah. The problem with drugs is they're all under the same blanket, right? You know, when someone says drugs, you think of everything. You think of pills, you think of smoking it, you think of coke, you think of pot, you think of mushrooms, think of everything. But obviously they're not all the same thing. You know, it's weird to call them all drugs. Yeah. They affect you very differently. 100%. I don't think if you did mushrooms, you would all of a sudden be doing blow and, you know? Yeah, I don't think so either. Driving Luigi's cab again. Right. I don't think so either. So, but I think I- But I wouldn't want to be the guy that told you to do it either. No, I don't feel like you are. But you know, I feel like it's something that I think about sometimes and, but you know, I don't know because I also do want to have experiences where like I'm able to get, you know, unique experiences out of my mind and think about other stuff. And like, you know, I do remember times where mushrooms would just clear my conscience. It would be like someone came up to the chalkboard where everybody written all these math problems and bullshit and somebody drawn a dick and somebody fucking cutting off somebody's head. Just stupid shit. Right. And just cleaned it all off. And you're like, oh. No, I think so too. It was relaxing. Mushrooms forgive you. Oh, wow. They forgive you for your mistakes. I mean, this is one of the reasons why like mushrooms and Jesus are always kind of connected in folklore and a lot of people's ideas. It's because they're both very forgiving. Like here's the best Jesus story of someone being forgiving. Goddamn coffin lob. It's the weed. There was a guy named General Butt Naked. You ever heard of that guy? Real man. Yeah. He's from Liberia and he's a famous character in Liberia because of his exploits when he was in the middle of war. He would go and fight naked. Oh, wow. And he was a cannibal. He would kill innocent children on the other side and eat pieces of their heart. And he believed that it would protect him and battle. And he talks about it openly. After doing this, he found Jesus. And he came on him? Is this him? Did you have one here? The actual photos of him? I didn't know there was photos of him. I didn't know either. So then he became, I mean, he's killed thousands of people apparently in war. And then, according to what he said, and then afterwards became a preacher and talks openly about the fact that he's like killed innocent children and eaten pieces of their heart. But people forgive him because he's a preacher. So his love of Jesus is so complete that people forgive him to the point where they forgive the fact that he ate kids. Wow. Imagine? It's powerful. I can't stop coughing. It's powerful. If he was your kid that this guy ate, then you see him out preaching now. I'd be pissed off. Bro, you ate my kid. Yeah. He ate his heart. The fuck. But that was a different time. Yeah. I was a different man. Yeah. I mean, the, the, the travelers guy, I forget what it's called, the vice travel guy to Liberia. It is a really, really eye opening sort of a view into what Liberia is like. Liberia is a really, really poor, dangerous part of Africa. That was originally when slaves left America, when they were set free, they went back to Liberia and that's where they settled. Fuck. Dude, Africa is always fucked up, huh? Yeah. That sucks, man. Yeah. That's why all these wild animal stories from Africa, it's like, there's another one that was kind of interesting. These poachers got eaten by a lion. They tried to get ahold of a rhino. They were trying to steal this, kill this rhino and cut its horns off. They tried to sell them and they just got eaten. That's crazy, dude. Dude, that's the way to go. If you could get an animal organ put into your body, would you do it? What would be the benefit? What would you get? I'd do something. Would you get like a hyena butt when they're big shiny butts? I already have the butt of a dental syndrome, boys. I don't know what I would get, man. I would probably get just something. I'd start off with something small, probably. Like a wrist or something or like a... A pinky nail, a leopard. That would be fucking sexy. I agree with that. Once they start splicing genes, man, who knows what they're going to be able to do with people? You're going to be like that guy, Tigard. What's that guy on Thundercat? Remember? You're going to be like Thundercat. I don't remember that guy. But the red man. Has anyone ever tried that? I know it's definitely illegal, but do you think there's a scientist that's tried? I met a guy. Splicing people with animals? Sure. But wasn't that something that they were trying... Stalin was trying to do that with chimpanzees. Yeah. To make some sort of a chimp-human hybrid. Yeah. I could see it, man. I've met some motherfuckers, dude. Some motherfuckers. Yeah. Well, I think they're going to be able to do something like that soon. Dude, can you imagine that? You fucking are talking to somebody and then they just get into a bird bath? Can you fucking imagine that? This is that humanity thing. Scientists claim US lab engineered humanity, human-chimp hybrid 100 years ago. Scientists. This is a really recent article, huh? This is in Science Alert. It's according to the Sun, though. Oh. The Sun's super sketchy, right? Yeah. That humanity was real weird, though. That thing walked up bright a lot. Yeah. And they wore a suit. What the fuck is that? What is that? That's fake. That's Stalin's humanity experiment. But that one picture is real. Not that. That one. The one next to the one you're at. That one. That's real. That's what it really looked like. Mm. That thing walked around with shorts on? Yeah. Look at the size of his quad, son. That motherfucker will tear you apart. Yeah. That thing, I think it got very close to the woman, too, which became an issue. Look at that. Is that? Who is that? Yeah. That's the humanity. I think that was a rat pack. Yeah. That's Dean Martin's friend. Yeah. That's Dean Martin's buddy. Yeah. Look, he's doing coke with... What's his... Is that the guy from Narcos in the background? What's going on? Escobar. These pictures are... Okay, but stop. I'm not talking about... Look at the writing. Tell me that shit doesn't look alien. That's from some spaceship. What language is that? I don't know. I'm ready for it all, man. Language, man. Is it Japanese? I think so. Yeah. That looks like it should be on... Yeah, don't. Go back. Let's translate it. It's a shit, man. There we go. That language looks... It does look like it's from space. You saw that on... If you didn't know anything about Asian languages, you saw that on a spaceship. People are like, oh... Do you think Japanese people could be from space and not know that they are? The people that are really into nonsense, like the Zachariah, Sitchin... Do you know about all that shit? Uh-uh. There's people that believe that there is a planet that's out far outside of Pluto that comes... It's on an elliptical orbit, and it comes near Earth every, like, 3,000 years or something. I forget the exact number. But it's called Nibiru. In on Nibiru, there are these people called the Anunnaki, and what they are is an alien race. And that this alien race engineered us. And they took... Wow. They took these old monkeys, like ancient hominids, and then they added their DNA to them and created a human being. This is the idea. And then there's this guy, Zachariah Sitchin, who wrote all these books on this stuff. And there's a lot of people that think he's bullshit, but it's interesting. It's fun. It's fun to speculate, you know? But the idea was that different groups of people got different level of alien. Mmm. Yeah. I could... Yeah, well, look, sometimes I'm talking to somebody, I'm like, I don't think this dude's like a full person, you know? Like who? Who do we know? Don't tell. Mmm. I don't know if it's anybody that we know. I mean, Josh Martin, there was a guy that drove us, sometimes it takes me for a ride, but I don't think... He might be an alien. I don't think he's an alien. Imagine if there was one just living amongst us the whole time. Oh, dude. We're just getting our chain yanked. Oh, I bet. I'm sure there's some chick out there that's fucked an alien. I think, when I really think about it... I think that that would be the first inbreeding would be a chick would let an alien fuck her, or would be a dude who fucked an alien girl. Oh, no. I think now, these days, I could see some women fucking some aliens. Well, isn't that some of the folklore, though? Some of the stories of male alien abduction are like female aliens that seduce them. Yeah. That's how they get your loads, bro. Dude. Wow. Species. I've been giving my loads up for free, son. Natasha Hendridge, right? Is that her last name? Hendridge. Hendri- how do you say it? Hen-stridge. Hen-stridge? Yeah. Is that how they say it? Yeah, like a... How many loads can your body make you make? She was on Fear Factor. She's very nice. She is a very nice person. Oh, really? You met her? Yeah, she did an episode of Fear Factor. She's hot as fuck. Oh, wow. Forest Riddicker was in that movie. Oh, I love Forest Riddicker. Damn. Ghost Dog. I love- He was in The Hustler. And he's in Last King of Scotland. He was in The Color of Money, not The Hustler. You know what movie I like is that movie where they escape from the mental health facility and Michael Keaton's in it and it's like four dudes and they go to a baseball game. You remember that movie? No. No. But it makes me think you probably wouldn't be able to make that movie, didn't they? Yeah. Oh, yeah, because the mental health facility or something, people would be upset. Well, there's always dudes in movies that would play- there was guys that would play someone who was mentally challenged. Oh, yeah. Like, that's a common thing. Dudes would always do that. They would always do that. They would always play someone who was mentally challenged. Yep, I am Sam. Yeah. Who else? That was a great movie. That was a great movie. Dustin Hoffman. Did he do it? Oh, that's right, Wayne Mann. Rosie O'Donnell. Well, Dustin Hoffman was probably the first guy to play a super autistic man. Yeah. And he did great. Rosie O'Donnell did it too, right? I think so. Man, that's the last thing you want your enemies finding out. Well, dude, imagine the outtakes where you just didn't really get it right. You start laughing. Imagine the outtakes if you start laughing. You monster. And nowadays you have to have a real person with the disease on the side of the stage. So like- Do you? The consult? Yeah. What the fuck? Get the fuck out of here. Is that real? Yeah. That's crazy, man. Come on. Really? I'm sure you think they're letting you do that without having somebody there to verify if it's legit or not? Well, how would someone verify whether or not like, like, like, is someone going to come up and go, that's, that's not how I do it. I think so. This is not your thing. Who is this? It's Rosie. That's Rosie. Let me hear this. I like blue card or green card like- Oh, that's- I just made that up. He's a bus driver. You invited him at the funeral. I don't remember. Have you been waiting long? Yeah, I'm two hours. Why didn't you wait inside? I'm riding the bus with my sister. Because you couldn't see me in there. I have your address. Honestly, Beth, you know, you just make things harder on yourself. Buckle up for safety. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. I'm not going to be here. Buckle up for safety. Whoa. That's pretty good. I wonder if you could do that movie today. You might not be able to do it. Only 12 years ago. Yeah, but that's a different world, man. It definitely was. It's a different world, man. You can't even barely breathe out there, dude. No, it's tough, right? But I'm- dude, I can't believe I'm going to China and there, you wonder what you can do. Anything. Can you do anything as far as like comedy material? Do you think so? I think so. I mean, just think of all the different stuff. They have- animals are treated differently there. Oh, that's true. You know? Right, but I think like you get in trouble if you like Google certain websites. Like they have a different version of Google over there. They're censored. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not going to do anything drastic like that. Isn't it crazy you could censor a billion people? How the hell did you do that? That's pretty impressive. Dude, I remember going when I was a student, we went to Cuba when I was a student in college, right? And I remember we went to a bookstore and all the books just started at like a certain year and that was it. Like there was no- can you imagine that? And it was like in the 19 whatever. Yeah, when Castro took over. Yeah, like Che Guevara. This is going on today in China. World Cup kiss sparked social media debate on sexual harassment in China. Oh wow. Why- So he's a male reporter and these two Russian fans gave him a kiss while he was reporting and it's caused like a reverse sexual harassment debate in China. Apparently it's a big deal. So what's a big deal? That in China someone like you're not allowed to show public affection like that? Is that what the big debate is? It came after a bunch of female journalists have been assaulted and somehow- Oh, so they started assaulting the dude? The other way around. Oh. I'm going to go out on a limb. He's going to be okay. He looks fine. He looks actually better than- He's getting kissed on the cheek by attractive women. They're not hurting him. They can't rape him. I think he's going to be okay. Let's watch homeboy get mauled by these hot Russian broads. Here it goes. Kiss. Nothing. Nothing. He's fine. He's laughing. Okay. We're done. He's laughing. We're done. Stop this. People are fucking crazy. The guy's laughing. He thought it was cute. Why would anybody make a deal out of that? It's a zero tolerance. That girl literally had a plastic red cup in her hand which is the universal sign for being fucked up in public. If you got that plastic red cup in your hand, that chick's probably lit. She kissed that guy. He thought it was cute. They didn't move him around or push him or assault him. It was a friendly gesture on the cheek. That's love I think. Why are we trying to shut down people enjoying each other? I don't think we are anymore. I think things are- I actually think things are getting in a lot better place and it's just in the media it seems like they're not sometimes. You know? Do you think that? That seemed like they're not. The fact that someone's making a big deal out of that. Yeah that's true. You can't- look you can't compare that to a bunch of guys doing that to a girl. It's not the same. It's not devastating. The guy's going to be fine. It is different. Men and women are different. In that case that is a very clear cut case of no one got hurt there. Did they interrupt his broadcast? Perhaps. Did they ruin what he was trying to say? I don't know. He might have had a serious message and these hot Russian broads come over and kiss him on the cheek. They fucked up his little project and what he's trying to accomplish. Yeah. But there's no crime there. That's not a crime. It's not the same. If there was a bunch of dudes doing that to a pretty girl. Some gorilla looking fucking football player and fucking corn fed Iowa boys came over and kissed her. We were like, what are they doing? You remember when they were trying to make it a big deal because Katy Perry kissed some guy on American Idol? Yes. Remember that? This was like two months ago right? This is some boy had never kissed a boy. She kissed him. She brought him over and kissed him. And they were like, whoa, well what if Katy Perry was a man? What if that was a girl? She's not. Stop. She's Katy Perry. And if that guy's really complaining that Katy Perry took her kiss. I was taking my kiss for someone who robbed me. Dude, no one's going to love you. Shut the fuck up. If you can't appreciate Katy Perry kissing you. Oh, she's pretty too. She's pretty. And more people will love that man because Katy Perry kissed him. Idol contestant shuts down Katy Perry. He shut down the Katy Perry backlash. He kissed her too. Listen, nothing wrong with that. Look at him. First of all, homie's gay. Right? Is he? Look at him. He could be from Idaho. She got him. He fell down. That is not a male movie. That's not. Oh, he could be okay. It might be that he's avoiding that kiss until he really did find the woman that made him feel like he wanted to be kissed. And maybe she stole that from him. Yeah. See right there here. Imagine if a 33 year old male artist tricked a 19 year old female auditioner and do a kiss like Katy Perry. Well, imagine that's a different thing you fuck. How about you imagine that's a whole different thing. Don't pretend that men and women are the same. You fucking assholes. Imagine a Volkswagen fucked your stepmom. You know what I'm saying? Imagine nothing like your dad does. What are we doing? It was so stupid. It's not the same thing, man. It's just fucking not the same thing. Everybody's okay. That Chinese guy was laughing, man. Oh, he probably jerked off to the video at the house multiple times. I'm going to fucking China. Somebody told me a different fruit over there. Can you imagine? Sure. They have different fruit in Brazil. They have different fruit in England. You get some different fruit. Fuck, man. Excited? I'm excited. I guess I'm nervous, but I'm also excited. How many shows you doing over there? I'm doing three shows, but you know, and I've, you know, I don't know about the promote, you know, it's just like a guy hit me up literally over email and like, wow, so next thing you know, I'm going, but next thing you know, you got a ball guy in your mouth tied up at a basement under a noodle shop somewhere. As long as I get to eat after Jesus Christ. Are you looking forward to the food? No man. No. Do you not like Chinese food? I mean, I like it, but dude, somebody told me that you can eat animal dicks over there. You can eat fucking elbow. You were saying they could eat human dicks. I think you were just joking around though, right? I don't know. Honestly, think about it. Think about what you went over there and they said, we heard you on Joe Rogan experience and we have a hockey rink and we're prepared to put on the lion fight. Are you prepared to watch? If they brought you to a place and they said, a dude's going to fight a lion with a sword, you could leave if you're like, yeah, would you stay? I would stay. Yeah, you'd have to. I would owe it to them if the man's already going to fight and I'm the only imagine he comes out to fight him and nobody's in the fucking stadium. Well, you would have to be able to trust the people that are there that they're going to let this guy get ripped apart by a lion in front of you and then they get rid of a body. Yeah. Would you eat during it or would you wait to eat after? Because the guy depends on how hungry I was. The guy would wait. Yeah. If the guy looks over and you're fucking eating, he's fighting. If you're eating a hot dog, well, this guy's getting mauled and he looks up and he makes eye contact. He's like, save me. You just say that, muster on your face and shit. Like where's that nip sour cream teeth? Drinking a beer. Oh, fuck. There goes his head. Oh, Jesus bartender. Do you think about like that movie Gladiator with Russell Crowe? What is that supposed to be? How long ago was that? Was it supposed to be based? That was like a thousand years ago or more? I think it was like 900 AD. I'm guessing. Let's go 2000. That ain't shit, dude. That ain't that long. It says it's set in Roman times. Can we get back there, you think? I don't know when the fall of Rome was exactly. You got to think, man. That's not that long ago. People were fucking... AD 180. 180 AD? I was in Rome a couple years back and I went to the Coliseum. It's fucking amazing, man. It's crazy to be there just to feel it. Most of it's missing. They stripped down a lot of the stone and people stole things from it. It's all dilapidated and falling apart, but they were going to tour. St. Louis. They take you through the catacombs and they sort of explain all the different things, but they had these animals that they had gotten from Africa and they had kept them in the... See that hole in the ground? That's really real. That's really how they did it, man. These animals would come out out of a fucking hole in the ground. You see that first layer of people, the first row of seats? They had to put up fucking fences and shit because the tigers would leap through the air and kill the people that were in the first row. Stub-hope. Yeah, they fucked people up. Those stub-hope, those seasoned pass holders. Look, I'll see them. Imagine you get that nice ticket and you fucking your buddy. You get up to get a soda and you come back and your buddy's just in pieces. Dude, just the fact that people did do stuff like that. We did that. It's in us. Do you know that? That's what's crazy, man. That's what your show makes me think about, stuff like that. That there's DNA inside of us that remembers that. Well, I think when people get into situations where they need entertainment, and back then, right, would you rather go to a play or see a dude have a sword fight against a tiger? Tiger? Yeah, all day. Depends on what place. Plays are boring. A couple plays would be good. What play? Finding Neverland, maybe. If there's a line, and on the left, you get to see a guy fight a lion with a sword, and on the right, you see a bunch of people pretend to be cats. That's true. That's going to say a lot about humanity. Of a salesman or whatever the fuck you're going to watch. Bitch, I'm going to go see that guy get eaten. You're going to watch it. It's terrifying to watch, but the shock and the entertainment value be far... Death of a salesman. You guys are going to the fights. We got tickets to Annie. Oh my God, it'd be the worst. None of the good stories have been written yet, so what the hell do you think they were doing? They had plays for movies. Oh yeah, I mean they had great stories. I'm sure they had great stories, but it's not as good. And also, the value of human life was so much lower then. People were constantly going to war, and the war that they fought, they fought with bows and arrows and spears and swords. So there's just bloodiness. Horrible bloodiness. There's probably four or five dead people on the street at the moment. So maybe you're like, am I going to go see somebody else die in there, or am I going to go see this play? And part of the problem was the way they got rid of their shit too, right? The streets would be contaminated with shit. They should have buried it like we did around my neighborhood. Imagine, though, the blowback if someone in some country did put together a coliseum, and then people started traveling there, and it became like the new hotspot. Well, if I lived in Africa, I would do that, because I know in some places they're so starved. They have so many animals. I think they have a lot of people who believe in reincarnation. I would just do it. Well, if you paid people a million dollars to have a sword fight, if you had a purse of a million dollars for someone to have a sword fight, and they give them a shield, and armor, and a sword, and a helmet, they're going to have a sword fight with a tiger. People would sign up for that. I mean, I feel like you would know them as better than anybody, because you guys spend more time around the closest kind of thing maybe we have to some type of gladiators modern day. What do you think? Would any of those men do it? Yeah. Yeah, people would do it. What is this, Jamie? It's from 2011. Man fights lion to boost Egypt tourism. What? Come on. Yeah. Come on. This is real? He's sitting in there with a little plastic lawn chair. He's got a shield. He's got a spear. The shield is shady as fuck. What in the fuck, dude? Hell yeah. There's not a lot of room either. Not a giant lion, but... This actually happened? This is 100% live, like, recorded videos on CBS News. Jesus Christ. This guy get jacked or what? And this isn't... It's not showing it. It must not have been a long fight and it was probably subdued. Oh, it's hot. It's obviously happening. If this guy recorded, then it's probably how he escaped. He had to do like two minutes or something with it. I bet. Yeah. The lion seems fine. He's going to climb on top. I win. I'm the winner. Yeah. He's going to do like a fucking cage drop, drop down on that lion. Imagine that. The balls you'd have to leap down with a spear and drive it through the lion's brain. From the top rope. Let's play spray all over the place. You could do it. Someone would do it. If that dummy got in there with that lion, you could definitely get... If you gave someone a million dollars. Yeah. You gave them a shield and a sword and an armor. Give them some armor. Not all armor. Not your neck. Yeah. Neck has to be free. You can pick the neck or the loin piece. That lion would leap on you so fast. Your sword would be knocked out of your hand. It would just crush your fucking head with its teeth. But one man would do it. Yeah. One man would win. Maybe the mountain from Game of Thrones. The giant dude. Yeah. Give that guy like a battle axe. Like a fucking 85 pound axe. Big ass. Who would do it in UFC? Who do you think could win? And it's not saying they're the greatest or they're the best, but who could do that? It would have to be the biggest guys. It would have to be like the heavyweight champ. It would have to be like Stipe Miocic or Francis Ngano or someone giant. It would have to be a big powerful person. Because you'd have to be able to swing that fucking sword fast. And you'd have to be able to take a hit from a 500 pound cat. You're probably going to get fucked up either way though. You need one, you have to be able to take one good hit. Like you're going to take one good hit. I just feel like you're just going to get fucked up. I just don't think you have a chance. There's a lot of debates about this when I was reading it earlier. Of course. There's a lot of people just as stupid as me and Theo. I think the line wouldn't have a good technique so you'd be able to fuck it up. It doesn't matter if it has good technique. The physical power of a lion is just so overwhelming. I just don't think people understand how much force it can generate. How quickly it can move. How quickly it can get you. It would just fucking scramble on you. It would be on you so fast. Dude, there's a video, hilarious video of a bunch of dudes running away. Tiny in comparison. A leopard is what, 150 pounds or something like that? And these fucking people are running left and right. And this thing's coming after them. And you realize like, oh my God, like look at this, this guy running. Now watch the leopard take the corner. Look, just look at, he slides. The leopard is going so fast it's running on the walls, on the top, like the middle of the wall, above his fucking head. Watch how he starts running forward and the leopard comes into the picture. The leopard is literally running on a vertical wall. Like watch this, watch when it comes around the corner. Look at this. It's running on the wall. It's got so much power that it's running on the side of the wall. Like you can't even imagine the kind of physical speed and strength that that thing has in its body. It's bouncing from the side of the wall to the other side of the wall and just trying to get some traction so he could get a hold of your bitch ass. Damn. Can't wait to get a hold of your bitch ass. You don't even have a chance at that thing. That's a fraction of the size of a lion. Just a fraction. Fuck man. Oh Jesus Christ. Got to loosen this school. Oh God. No. It's a video game, isn't it? Look at it climb over the top of that fence like it ain't shit. This one of those video games on the dark web, I think. Middle school leopard. Dude. You find that thing, you just got to shoot it. You just got to shoot it. There's not much you can do. Oh, it's fucking this dude up. Oh Jesus. Oh my God. I'm tossing the board. It just bit him and then ran off. He got lucky. Yeah. He got lucky that there's all those other people in the commotion. And four million people have watched that. So as people, we're ready to see that. Four million people have safely watched that and they're not crying at a center right now or anything like that. Yeah, but watching that doesn't seem real. We watch that if you were there in real life. Like if you were in that hockey rink, sitting in those excellent gold star seats. Where in Mexico? I think you're in China somewhere. What's he doing? This is how it got the guy. Oh dude. Hold on. Oh dude. This one coming around here. I'm going to try to climb the fence. Gotcha. Wow. Look at that. Dragged him down. Oh my God. What do you do? It just wants to get out. It doesn't know what it wants. It doesn't know what the fuck it wants. Do you jump in the water? Do you think they swim? Yeah, they swim. Oh, well that's not good. Oh yeah, he's getting his legs, his arms, his legs. Everything's getting torn up. All that shit's on the ground. That's blood. That's his blood. I don't want that. I don't want that. I just think we really need to understand when you're talking about a large predatory animal. We really need to understand what bitches we are. The toughest man that's ever lived is a weak ass bitch compared to a leopard. Just a fact. Oh Jesus, look at this one. Fuck man. Who's doing all this? Oh, I've seen this one. This is in India, right? It happens in these areas, man. These cats, they get into these villages and just start fucking people up. That's so crazy. Imagine that. And that's a small animal compared to a lion in comparison. Anything else, Theo? Before we wrap this bitch up, bring it home. I think I've seen enough today. Well, I hope you realize that if you're ever in a confrontation with one of those animals, that's going to be difficult. Yeah. Do you realize that? Have that in your mind now? Yeah. I think it's not a game as much as I thought it was. Yeah. It was more of a game. Well, I think this, I think it would be neat to go out and hunt some type of an animal with a knife to start to get my guard up. Hunt an animal with a knife? Do you think you could even hunt a raccoon with a knife? Yeah. Do you think you could? 150%. Do you think the raccoon might fuck you up, though? Fuck no, man. How quick do you think a raccoon moves? Like, if you don't get that first stab into that raccoon. You do that double up. How long do you think it takes for that thing is latched to hold your face, clawing your eyeballs out of your fucking head, and you're feeling your eyeballs getting sucked out of your skull? Because it tears through your tissue paper thin eyelids like they're nothing, and it's just biting, chewing your eyes out. No. I think if it got on you, well, the tough part is if it gets on you, you can't stab it because you'll stab yourself. Oh, this is Kevin Rose. This is Kevin Rose got a raccoon and chucked it down the stairs. Did he? Yeah, he fucked that raccoon up. The raccoon was fucking his dog up. That's a guy who loves his dog. He said he didn't even realize he was doing it. He was just doing it before he even knew it was happening. But look how he did it. He hucked it like a pillow. Woof. Bitch. Bam. Yeah, man. And then he went after it. That's gangster. I'd go out there with a... That's pretty gangster. Yeah. Well, it's probably like you said, it's just that's a natural instinct. That's the basic instinct of a man, you know? Well, what I was saying was what those guys were talking about when they encountered that grizzly bear. They just, you reach this survival mode. You know, like you have your regular operating system, and then there's survival default mode when some real shit goes down like a fucking grizzly bear is right next to you. Well, I would hate that. Well, I think that, you know, going back to like what we were saying earlier, like that's the moment you'd find out who you are. And I would hate to find out at that moment that I'm not a fighter, you know? Well that all could be built up. Right. You can build that up through martial arts. Right. Like there's people that are just naturally inclined to never quit. And then there's people that have to learn it, but you can learn it. Yeah. So I start learning some of it to have just a little bit more that, just to fill in whatever that space inside of me is sometimes that feels a little bit inferior. I don't need to feel... Invincible. Invincible, no. Right. But I do, I wouldn't mind getting a little caulk in some of those areas where it's like, okay, if somebody grabs me, like I know that I'll be able to grab them back. Right. Yeah, man. Take your jitsu. It's easy. Plus you already know Eddie. Yeah. Yeah, why not, man? Take some beginner classes. Start slow. It's fun too, man. I really enjoy it. As long as... And you're a healthy guy, like mentally, like as far as your ego, as long as you don't try to not tap. Yeah, no, I don't need to win. I think I'd be happy to have a camaraderie. And I would be... I think the tapping is probably some humility that's probably good for you. It is definitely. It's just hard to do. Especially when you're in the beginning, you'll try to resist. You try to resist an arm bar that maybe you should tap and you can get hurt. That's how you can get hurt. Get hurt from not tapping, especially other beginners. They don't know how hard... Like a black belt, you're more safe rolling with a black belt than with anybody. Because they're going to be able to tap you if they want to. And when they do, they're not going to hurt you. Whereas like someone... You might get in there with some Herculean white belt who's just learning the techniques. He grabs ahold of your arms, like fucking yanks on it. You're like, ahh. You don't even have a chance to tap. Yeah, and you're hurt. You can tap it too and you're hurt. Right. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, maybe I'll see if Eddie can help me out to get me into... He can. Yeah. He can. Dude, last night was weird at the Comedy Store, wasn't it? Dude, it was so weird. Fourth of July is a strange night to perform. People are like, why are we here? And you're like, why are you here? It was a weird crowd, but it was a great crowd. They were good, but they also felt odd that they were at a show. Yeah, I didn't realize it until you said that. You're like, yeah, these people are thinking it's Fourth of July. What the fuck am I doing at a comedy show? It's not wrong, it's not right, but it's just like, does my calendar even work? The weirdest crowd you'll ever experience is Christmas. Yeah. You ever do Christmas shows at the store? Dude, I did one Christmas show at the store like 10 years ago. I'm like, well, I'm taking this night off for the rest of my life. This fucking crowd's weird, man. They were weird. It was more than 10 years ago because it had to be like 2006. You had fun though. You were having fun. It was weird. Oh, last night? Yeah. I had a good time. Yes. But it's just a different feeling. But I think people are feeling differently about comedy now because so many people are really politically correct outside of comedy and almost forced into it. You're hearing so many things about people getting fired from their jobs because of sexual harassment or from a sexually harassing joke. Someone would say jokes in the office that were inappropriate, so they got fired. I mean, this is happening left and right. You hear about the guy from Netflix that got fired for doing... Yeah. He's having a conversation about offensive words that you shouldn't be using in comedy. And because of this conversation, during this conversation about this subject, he used the word nigger. Right. Because he was in this conversation and did it one other time, apparently. Because of that, not calling anybody that, saying it out loud... Yeah. ...was fired from Netflix. That is crazy. Unless he was saying it like he was having a good time with it. Right. Like he was like, you know... Right. Like, how was he saying it? That's the thing, right? But the thing is, it's very strange that that word is only forbidden by the people that it can't be used on. Right. Like, you can't use the n-word on you. It won't work. Right. And if you're a person of color, and they happen to be a person of color, then that person, you're not allowed to do that. Right. It's very interesting, man. Well, I remember when I would ride my bike to school, a lot of my black friends would get on my bike, you know, and they'd get on, and I would ride them. And it was fun, you know? And they used to call me the nigger bus whenever I rolled up. And they would all call me that. And I honestly felt... And they were my friends. It was fun. Right. But you couldn't say it. No. And I couldn't say it. I find, you know, when somebody says anything, if it's something to do with a race, a gender, anything, and they have malice or ill intent, and these days, I think, if you do that, somebody's going to correct you really fucking quick. Yeah. I agree. But in a business setting, man, in that type of setting, it's just... Yeah. You make people so aware that they can't... I don't know. That's a fucking crazy man. It is crazy, but it's also... He was talking about forbidden words in comedy. It's his business. Right. Like, you're saying he can't make a sound with his mouth. Yeah. This is what you're saying. He's not calling someone that name. Right. He's using that word, and people file complaints about him using that word. So the people that he worked with ratted him out. Like, he wasn't just allowed to say the word. Right. Like, but the... Then it gets real crazy, whereas if you're a black guy, you could say it all day, and it's funny. Yeah. You could say it in front of white people, and they can laugh. Right. But they can't say it. They can't say it. Yeah. But if you Chris Rock, you can go up with the ORR tonight and just have, like, 15 different use of that word in a half hour set. Yeah. And everyone's like, that was great. Yeah. That was a great show. Right. But then, yeah, but then it'll be the same people that say we should never say or hear this word. It's interesting. Some people learn it from different places. Some people learn it from black people. Some people learn it from white people. It has a different feel, a different meaning to it. Yeah. I was talking with Mr. Peterson the other day, and I was saying, the toughest thing I find, especially coming from the area where I came from, there was a lot of racism. It was probably kind of, once it was popular when I was young, but it was part of the cloth in the area. It was poor black and poor white, and poor people like to fucking fight. Over everything. It's like, yeah, it's like, hey, let's be on the same team for a minute, and we can change the world. I love that bit that you have about white privilege. Oh, thanks, man. That's a fucking hilarious bit. Thank you. Did you find it fun talking to someone like Peterson? Was it challenging? It was challenging. I felt nervous. I felt nervous because I'm not as smart as him. Most people aren't. Right. But I also felt, I know that he really admired you. He mentioned in the beginning, so that made me feel a little bit more comfortable because we had something in common. He's a nice guy. I thought he is a ... I tried as much as I could to ... I wasn't trying to pick him apart or anything. I just wanted to see what he cared about. He just genuinely, I swear to God, genuinely, maybe more than anyone I'd ever met, he genuinely, I think cares about trying to help young men feel better. We didn't get into anything political or anything like that. It was mostly about take a small step, take a small step, and you can change your life if you have accurate goals. Well, he's a real clinical psychologist, and he understands the traps that the mind leaves for itself. We all fall into those traps. We all do. Yeah, and I fall into a lot of them. It was nice. I think of him as like, I thought, Aiguavera, like Che Guevara, but Canadian, like Aiguavera. But I know he's not like ... I wanted to tell him that so bad and I forgot. That's hilarious. But Che Guevara is supposed to be a murderous monster. Right, and he's not like that. He's not like a socialist like that, but he ... You know what? He's kind of like the dad that a lot of us didn't hear and we need to hear again, and it's like we need those reminders of some of those things. I think he genuinely, to me, he genuinely wants humanity to be well. That's what I felt from him. It does, but the thing is when you want men to feel better, women will think you want them to feel bad. This is the problem that we have with this whole right versus left, male versus female, black versus what ... Anytime there's two groups and they're supposedly pitted against each other. Anything positive for one side becomes negative for the other side, but I think it's the opposite. I think that if men feel better, they'll be nicer to women. I think that if they get their shit together, it's better for everybody. I think that if someone's looking for men's ... Like looking at men's values or men's lives, they're not disregarding women, but we look at it that way. Like, no, you should be paying attention to women. You're obviously a misogynist. You're focusing on men's rights. It's an insult to call someone an MRA, which is a men's rights activist. It's kind of hilarious. If someone was a women's rights activist, would you ever say there would be an insult to call someone a women's right activist or an advocate? That's crazy, but it's openly dismissed from the feminine side making front of the masculine side. Men's rights activists are openly dismissed. It's very strange. Yeah, I like to think ... To me, a lot of women's rights activists ... And look, the hardest working man I've ever known was my mother. I'll say that to the end of the earth. My mother delivered newspapers since I was born, still does. She sacrificed a lot of raising her children. She wasn't there for us emotionally because she had to work all the time. She didn't even have the opportunity to be. You want to talk about a feminist. I've never known one more in my life, I don't think. She had to play a man and a woman in a lot of instances. That's great that you appreciate her. Oh, I love her to the end. That means so much to you. We started even ... I started doing this thing where we try and treat a single mom out to a weekend when I'm on a weekend of shows. Pay for the sitter, pay for the dinner. Not to object to single dads, but for me, I was even talking with Mr. Peterson about this. The reason I think I got into comedy, I never got to make my mom laugh. She was always ... Because she was always tired. She was always working hard and tired, and we just didn't have that connection. I think that's one of the reasons I got into comedy. The only person I've ever really probably wanted to make laugh was my mother. Here I am, just doing all this other chicanery on the outside. Did your mom think that you were funny when you first started? I don't know. No, I don't think she thought of anything like that. My mom literally said to me, I just don't think you're very funny. Oh, mom. Dude, I saw that young video, the young video, you were doing comedy with the longest hair on the sides and stuff. Yeah, I was a little cutie. Dude, that was the best. That was a really cool video. I was probably like 24, 23 maybe? Wow. Maybe 23, one, two, three. Yeah, somewhere in that range, man. Crazy. I'd like to ... Some of these aggressive, sometimes angry feminists, they're not mothers either. That's odd to me. People get ... They get into something because they feel there's an imbalance. Yeah, that's true. If it's getting into feminism or they get into being a men's rights activist, I feel bad for those guys because I think a lot of those guys are just getting fucked over by bad relationships or shitty divorces or shitty laws in terms of child custody. Then this is their response. What we would really like is for everyone to be treated as an individual and no groups, no male versus female, no fucking right versus left, just all human beings, individuals. I think that's the ultimate goal for a society, for a healthy society, is to not eliminate judging people, but judge people based on their actions and their words and their deeds, not their sex or their ... But then you're always going to have people that want to fuck the opposite sex and you're always going to have people that want to fuck the same sex too and make them uncomfortable. I've been hit on by dudes before and been made to feel very uncomfortable. I'm sure you have too. The only difference is I know how to fight and when a dude was hitting on me, I was like, listen, cut the shit. This wasn't a scene where I was worried I was going to get raped. I was worried I was going to go to jail for fucking somebody up. I don't want to have to hurt you, man, but don't touch my dick again. I've been in situations before, but it was never a situation where it was like a woman where I was worried I was going to get held down and someone was going to do something to me. Right. But you can understand then when those situations ... I can easily see how women feel that way. Way worse. Yeah. Way worse. Yeah, I get that too. I'll get dick pics and stuff from men into my Instagrams and stuff. Bro, and it's fucking like ... Some dudes are aggressive with that shit. But that's not scary. Do you have any titty pics? Zero titty pics. Zero? Well, you're going to get them right now. Here they come. People feel bad for Theo. They want to whip those puppies out. Ooh, there's something bold about a girl sending you a picture of her tits. Those puppies. A guy that sends a picture of his dick is presumptuous as fuck. Like, what an asshole. He's like, nah, I'm going to ... I fuck you. I fuck you with my dick. A girl is sending you something you're excited to see. Yes. Like if a girl sends you pictures of her tits and she's holding them and she's like, I heard you wanted these. You're like, whoa, are those real? This is crazy. Yeah. I can't believe it. Whoo. But if anybody gets those ... I need a Gatorade. Yeah. Somebody gets those like, I've been sexually harassed by this woman. Shut the fuck up. You're fine, pussy. Walk it off. Dude, I ... Yeah, it's so true that ... But I do ... I start to notice how people feel. I start to notice how ... Yeah, when that happens, like, oh, I see how you feel. I see ... Now I see how women feel if they get that. You get ... There's a door that you could look through where you could see a mile away, maybe where this could go. Right. But to be the person that feels that, like a dude wants to stick his dick in you and shoot loads into your body ... That's crazy. It's like a video game. I get a hold of you, hold your impatient ... No, let me go, mister. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's ... That's the difference between men and women. Yeah. And this is also why there's more anger, because women have experienced so many guys trying to do that to them that they develop this bad taste for men. And I understand that, and we need to be better men. And I believe that, and honestly, that's one of the reasons why I listen to your show. That's one of the reasons why I'm excited. I was intrigued to listen to Mr. Peterson and read his book. You know, I do want to be a better man, and it's hard to even ... You want to be a better human being. Yes. Everybody does. Whether you're a man or a woman, or whoever you are. Yeah. We all want to do better. And if you don't want to do better, you're probably going to have a fucked up life, because then you're not trying. You're not perfect. There's no way you're perfect. No one who's ever lived has been perfect. I don't ever want to be. And every day ... Yeah. And every day you have to pay attention. Every day. You got to pay attention every day to your behavior, to the way you think, and you have to constantly be assessing it and moving it in the right direction. And when you are moving it in a positive, generous, loving direction, it feels better. You feel better. Yeah. You feel like a better person. Yeah, you really do. I'm glad that ... Yeah, I'm just glad to be alive and be able to try and learn about shit. It is exciting. It is exciting. And I think one of the things that fucks people up more than anything ... I've experienced this with so many friends. I'm like, dude, you're thinking about your past like it's you. And it's not. You can't beat yourself up for something you did 20 years ago, or the way you were doing coke and fucking your life up five years ago. That's not you anymore. Yeah. You did do those things. Yeah, but that doesn't mean you are who you are. You're not that person anymore. Yeah. As long as you decide, but if you get caught in that trap, you'll be that person again. Yeah, it's in you. You'll be that person again. We all know that one dude that can't stop. Can't stop. I'm like, I'm going to get a few months off. I'm sobering up now. Everything's doing good. And then, whoa, off to the races again. Shows up, coked up, drunk, comes to the comedy store, won't shut the fuck up, breathing shit breath in everybody's face. He's like, Jesus. Sweat dripping off his earlobes. We all know that dude. He's got seven fingers in his ass. We all know that dude. There's so many of those dudes. They just can't ... They never break free. They break free for a little while and never go, wow, I don't want to be that person anymore. They just go, well, I'm not that person this week. And then, they just get addicted to being sober for a little while. And then, next thing you know, just ... Dark arts. Dark arts. Why do you call it dark arts? Just because it's anything that I think takes you out of your path towards some sort of enlightenment a little bit. That's what I think. Dark arts, they got in Harry Potter, like Voldemort and everybody doing dirty spells and turning candy into worms and everything. Right. Yeah. Anything that takes you off of the path of enlightenment is the dark arts. That's most things though, right? Most times you're jerking off. Oh, yeah. It's the dark arts. Dude, I've come on myself so many times, bro. Right. And when you do, do you ever feel good about it? Do you ever feel like, yeah, that's what I should have done. Sometimes. Seasonal, occasionally during the holidays, bro. I'm not even joking. Sometimes during the holidays, I'm just so filled with joy that the shame doesn't get me. Do you know that it actually does alleviate anxiety and people recommend doing it before you have a performance? You have to perform in front of people. Yeah, I don't know. It's not a bad idea. Wack one off in your hotel room before you go to a show. You'll be like less anxious. I could see that maybe, maybe for like a special or something. The OVON. That was just three hours. Was it really? Wow. More, more than three hours. How long was it? 320. Jeepers. This is the longest conversation I've ever been in. The time warp in this fucking room, dude. Something happens in this place. I don't even know how it works. Theovon.com, Theovon on Twitter, Theovon on Instagram. When are you on the road next? I'm actually going to be in Oxnard tonight through Saturday. Oh, Liberty Live? Yeah, Liberty Live. That's a great club. Is it? I've never been. Oh, you're going to love it. It's great. It's a sweet setup. It's fucking awesome. They're pumped that something's out there. Yeah. It's like a mini Bakersfield. Oh, wow. They're closer. I like that. It's closer though. I'm excited, dude. I'm going to get into it soon. I might fucking try to knife fight a raccoon. No, no, don't do that. Leave the raccoons alone. Okay. But get into that, J.J. Son. Yeah. All right. We'll be back next week. You freaks. Bye. Thanks, Joe. That was awesome. Bye.