Shane Gillis on Visiting Mar-a-Lago

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Shane Gillis

17 appearances

Shane Gillis is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker and one half of the sketch comedy duo "Gilly and Keeves" with John McKeever. Watch his latest stand-up special, "Beautiful Dogs," on Netflix.www.shanemgillis.com

Mark Normand

15 appearances

Mark Normand is the co-host of the podcasts "Tuesdays with Stories" with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. Watch his latest stand-up special, "Soup to Nuts," on Netflix.www.marknormandcomedy.com

Ari Shaffir

67 appearances

Ari Shaffir is the host of "The Skeptic Tank" and "You Be Trippin'" podcasts. His latest comedy special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," is available now via YouTube. www.arishaffir.com

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Transcript

Have you guys seen Jamie Foxx's Trump? It's incredible. I got tagged in that 9,000 times. It's the only Trump I've ever heard that's better than yours. Oh. It's better? Well, black people are better at things. This is a challenge. It's really good. Is it better? Jamie Foxx. I don't know. I'm not good at doing it. I don't know. He always sounds like, Where's this road taking me? I knew the next couple of words. Nope. He's a black guy. Black guys, they're okay. Pretty good. He read it. I'm gonna do it. He read it. I'm gonna read this. I'm not doing it. Dude, some people are way better at the conversational Trump. I can't do that. Like the... What are you gonna do in 2024, Mr. Trump? You haven't announced your running again. I haven't announced it. The crooked FBI, they went into my house. Not good. They didn't find anything. I don't have anything. Boy, people are on the fence now. There's like pro and con anti-FBI people with no information. I know. I love without a doubt. Fucking no information was there. Pro or con FBI. Here's my favorite part. Is the same people. So now the left keeps tweeting, Oh, now all of a sudden the right's anti-police. But then it's like the people on the right are all this. They get to tweet, Oh, all of a sudden the left's pro police. Pro police, yeah. They do this every single fucking time. They're the same people. They do it every first. They're mirrors. They flip-flop. They'd have no real beliefs. And your political fucking sucks. They do it every time. When Trump won, they also had the elections rigged. It's a rigged election. And then when Trump won, Oh, the election's rigged. Just accept it. It's crazy. So yeah, when Trump won, the left was like, he was a Russian spy. Right. This is bullshit. He shouldn't have won. That was Russian. When Biden won. Then Biden wins, they're like, Shut up. The results are in. Exactly. And then the right's like, This was bullshit. They're the same. And then the people like us just looking at all of them going like, I want to make fun of all of you. I do make fun of all of them. You got to stay in the middle and observe. Yeah. You guys are all hypocrites. I agree with more people on the left than I do on the right on most things, but I still think they're the most ridiculous. I like the left accept gay rights. You're a little too liberal with that. Yeah. Says the guy with the mustache. I should shut the fuck up. Mr. Trump, how do you feel about gay rights? I like it, but they're going a little overboard with the dancing. A lot of dancing. I don't know about that. Trump. Go on Matt and Shane's. Please. Trump. Would that be amazing? What would Trump drink? Trump doesn't drink at all. You'd have chicken for him. We get some McDonald's and amphetamines for the boy. Imagine if that's the first time he drinks is on your show. Oh, I heard about it. I'll try it. Imagine his Twitter drunk. Mr. Trump. His drunk Twitter. Before was insane, but his drunk Twitter would be bananas. It'd be meaningful. I'd be like, check out the sunset. Yeah. He tones down a little bit. Can we just get like kind of emotional? Could you fucking imagine drunk Trump? Oh man. That's a character. Yeah. Gillian Keys, write it. We fucked that up. That was a layup. We didn't even think of that. You just think about it. Well, just do it now. Just do it now. Do it now. Do it now. Trump would be fucking amazing. Yeah. His wife died. He has a drink to get over it. Did I talk about this last time when I went to Mar-a-Lago? And you saw him. I saw the king, dude. Wait, you saw him? I went to Mar-a-Lago. Wait, wait. I was in Mar-a-Lago. What? It was me and like 10 people. It was just a regular day at Mar-a-Lago. Like a field trip? No. I got in there. I'm not going to name names. You went to Mar-a-Lago to meet Trump specifically? I went to Mar-a-Lago because I was doing Palm Beach improv and some people that work there or work on the staff or whatever. Their fans, they showed up, came to the show. They were like, do you want to go to Mar-a-Lago tomorrow? And I was like... You're talking to the right guy. I was like... Yeah. That shit was so nice. Was it pretty? Yeah, look at it. It's beautiful. Oh, it's fantastic. Dude, the only people there are 70-year-old billionaires. Yeah, it's not Margarita. And they're all wearing MAGA hats, dude. Sure. They're all wearing regular red MAGA hats. Can we get a membership? Can we get a membership? It's $200,000 a year. Listen to this. Yes. Listen to this. What if we built a podcast studio at Mar-a-Lago? What if we have a conversation with Donald and we go, we don't want to be affiliated with you in any way? And anyway, we would just like to rent some space on your property, put together a podcast studio. Once every couple months, we will protect our parks from Mar-a-Lago. And we can do a live show. And we can do a show at Palm Beach. Imagine if we never even addressed it. Never addressed it. Everybody knows that we moved our studio to Mar-a-Lago for all. We protect our parks. It looks like a park. And behind us, he'd be like, fucking park ranger hats and shit and pine trees. That's the set. Can we? For real. In Mar-a-Lago. You have no idea how much I would donate whatever money for the membership. We never talk about it. And then if it gets brought up in interviews, we can't disclose. Oh, is it? Dude, there's a gold plated constitution. I don't know. I think it was the constitution. Dude, that's the main room. Wow. It's so grand. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. Jesus. It's small though. It's small. It's smaller than you think. Shut up. No, I mean that. This is like the main rooms. Wow. You know who's doing stand up now is Don Jr. Really? He's doing stand up now. He was just at Palm Beach. Here's my thought on that building. Like, look at that. Can I see that image again? Oh. If this was in the home of a professor, people would think this is magnificent. If this is a guy who's this genius man who wrote books on gene therapy and whatever and just fucking published works and made millions of dollars somehow and this was his home, you'd be like, what an opulent home. But you look at it and you know it's Trump's. You're like, this crazy fuck. Is it Trump's or is it going to get things out? It's a resource, but he lives on a wing. Okay. It's his fucking house. It's his house. It's his house. He has people live in his house. It's a resort. His house is a fucking resort. Jamie, Kodak. It's the mansion. Look at that. Kodak Black at Mar-a-Lago. Look at this place. Shout out Kodak Black, dude. He's balling out of control. This is what you're supposed to do when you're a 78-year-old billionaire. You're supposed to be balling out of control. Live on a resort where everybody knows it's yours, so the only people that come are people who love you. Yeah. Thank you for the tax cut, Mr. Trump. He controls the music. You were doing the right thing with China. You were doing the right thing. Was he? I don't know. They all cheers. Maybe. How about he controls the music? Of course he does. What music is it? He literally, it's, well, I mean, number one is YMCA. That's his number one choice. He loves that song. Does he really? Yeah, it gets the people going, dude. He knows. He knows. It is catchy. Didn't he go out dancing to it once? Yeah. Wasn't there, like, if there was something, was that what it was? Yeah, that bad dance. But wasn't there, like, a video of him dancing to a song and the people made the song objected to it? Oh, yeah. Wasn't there something? I know there was. They'd be there, like. Oh, we're not gonna take it. And then D Snyder. Kodak Black chills, dude. Who's Kodak Black? He's a man. He's a rapper. There he is with Rudy Giuliani. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I think Trump pardon Kodak. Wow. Really? And ASAP Rocky. Damn. That's a good move. Trump's a man. If I was Trump, that's a good move. Roppers love Trump. Yeah, that's a good move. If you can pardon- Yeah, they're millionaires. Yeah, he lives like they rap about. Just say boys. Just settle down. Did you know you're young and you're making billions? Yeah. I've done this before. I've been in this business. Guys, what would he say to them? Kodak Black. You see the Kanye doc? Oh, shit. Kodak Black, what a great guy. The Kanye doc when he's watching Tucker Carlson. Look at him. Dapping him up. They're dapping. He daps people. Oh, he's got a fat white lady. There's a fountain right there. What's he limp for? Probably hurt himself. You got a fat lady. White lady's a cane. That's baller. That's baller shit. Oh, my God. Hey, Stacy, come help me walk. Yeah, fuck a cane. Get me a sturdy gal. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's so ridiculous. That was wild. That was the first time I've been like for real like, oh, shit. There he is. Wow. Yeah. Like he was just, he was so cool. He was from Austin, Texas. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Yeah. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Yeah. He was so, he was from Austin to Jamie just standing there and I was like, oh, shit. Oh, shit.