Rogan & Burr Tell Old Boston Fight Stories

I remember, because I was joking with him, I remember a long time ago, the Grill 93, this old Dick Doherty room. I remember that joint. So two guys were about ready to go at it in the club, and the bouncer gets him outside. Okay, and this guy's trying to say his point of view, and he put his hand on his shoulder, he goes, he goes, no, all I was trying to do, he barely went like that on his shirt. And he goes, okay, first of all, don't touch me. That's what the bouncer said. And just immediately it was here, and then it went to here, and then those two guys started yelling at each other, and then, I don't know what the fuck, he just twisted the guy up and took him out. And I forget who the fuck I was with. We were fucking dying laughing. It just became a catchphrase between us. He would come up, hey, Bill, you're working this weekend? Okay, first of all, don't touch me. You immediately just escalate it, where it just becomes a what the fuck. First of all, don't touch me. From 90% of guys, it's immediately going to put you in your ego, where it's like, oh, fuck, now he's on top of me, and I'm the bitch. I've got to at least get at his eyebrow level. I have to come back with something else. It was inevitable. The second he said that, first of all, don't touch me, I did the three slide steps down, because I learned that young, watching fights, you don't want to have a really good seat. Because it's like a tornado, you don't know where it's going to go, and you think you're like 20 feet away. That meant me at a Bruins game, the old Boston Garden, and it was like one of those, just everybody smoking. You probably couldn't smoke in the Garden at that point. I just remember like smoky bars and shit, so we went in there and everybody was hammered. I was hammered drinking like fucking heifer and refers, remember the green death, right? This is like 6% alcohol. So, some, like one of those two rows of fans fighting, which is always great, because like the people that are a row up are just throwing down, these guys fucking pounding. There's always a loafer laying there, right? Mike Milbury picking it up. So, I remember the cops ran up there, and I ran up too to watch the fight, and they started grabbing guys and coming down the stairs, and it was the Boston Garden, there was nowhere to go. And I just remember this big cop, pounding down the stairs, he literally had a handful of this guy's neck. It was like his whole neck and his jugular, and this guy was, I just remember, he was going, try to push me down the stairs, try to push me down the stairs, and he came down like, and I was trying to get out of the way, and I think the guy who he had grabbed, like his knee fucking hit me in the back. You know, I just got caught by the debris of this guy running by, and that's when I kind of learned like, you know, how to watch a fight, which you watch a fight and you're looking at your exits, because like I said, it's like, you don't know where it's going to fucking go, and I learned that lesson. So, when I saw that guy say that, first of all, don't touch me, I was just like, okay, sliding over here, let some other people settle in in front of me, I can do, I liked him with that. Yeah, that's the same as if, yeah, you want to be above, slightly above, looking down at all the altercations. Get a better viewpoint there anyway. Yeah, I suck at it, dude. I stopped fighting in like junior high. That was it. I mean, I just knew, I was like, this is not my thing. I can't slip a punch, I am slow as shit. I got a big head, I got a huge target. This is not going to go three rounds, it's just not. I fought up until like six, around sixth grade, I think I probably had my last one, and then all of a sudden kids started to get 120, 130, 140 pounds, and they started being blood, and fucking people missing a couple days of school after a beat down, I was just like, you know what, okay, I think I'll be the funny guy. It's weird how things go sideways like that, when there's a feeling in the air. Whenever chaos breaks out like that, and there's a real melee, there's a feeling in the air, it's like you feel it, it's like, oh, this is nuts, this is really dangerous. There's a mob mentality feeling that you get that's real weird when things go crazy. I remember it took me having to leave Boston for about seven years, I was gone for seven years before I finally walked into a bar and just felt the normal energy. I think the city's changed a lot, but like that, sort of that tail end of the craziness, I walked into a bar and you could just feel it, it's like, somebody's got to get suckered. Not now, it's about 90 minutes away, you could just feel the level of drunkness, the energy. Well, guys would go out looking for fights, some guys would go out looking for fights. Yeah, I knew guys like that. There's a guy I used to train with, Mike Blythe, he used to work at the rat scaler, he was a bouncer, he would wrap his hands, he would wrap his hands on his way to work. I knew a guy, I knew a guy. Tape his wrists and shit. I knew a guy who was a bouncer and he used to bring a mouthpiece to work, but he used to carry it all the time. And I remember when he would get in a fight, he would fuck him. It was something where he would bite down, it wasn't like what you guys wear, but it would totally psych the other guy out, like he would come out and he would just put this thing in and the guy would be like, this guy brought equipment? Like, what the fuck is going on here? And I remember one time he got suckered, he knew it was going to be a fight and I figured, well, for some dumb reason he sat down on the stairs and the guy was standing above him and one of his friends jumped down and just punched him and I saw the mouthpiece, it was like fucking Buster Douglas Tyson. I saw his mouthpiece fly towards us and then just, I shouldn't tell these stories. Why? I don't know, because I, you know, it's my version of, it was a long, long, like 30- You're not naming names? It was like 30 years ago and what happened was we were in an off-campus apartment and I can't believe I want to tell this story. I'm going to tell the quick version. Tell the whole version. No. Two of my buddies left to go upstairs. It was one of those, you know, those old fucking Boston, it looked almost like a three-family house, but it wasn't, it was one of those big ones that has all apartments in it, right? So they left the party we were on on the first floor and then they went upstairs and like 20 minutes they came back. One of my buddies' shoulders was separated. The other guy was flat-lipping and he had a flat-topped tour. Maybe he had this big fucking gash coming right down here, blood coming down his face and we were like, what the fuck happened? What the fuck happened? He was like, we just asked this guy for a drink and the whole party started beating on us. So this whole mob goes up the stairs to go fight the party, right? And I'm going upstairs like, what the fuck am I doing? My big fucking head, I'm going to get knocked out here, but I have to go because of my friends. So we fucking go up there and we hear the party. So my buddy, the mouthpiece guy, like the most innocent void ever knocks on the door. He goes, hey, he's like, is there a party going on in there? Right. And the fucking door opens up and it was like a fucking wild west movie, like a saloon fight. Just fucking haymakers. I remember, I didn't even want to go in. I was so scared because I was like, oh my God, this is going to be fucking nuts. And just the mob just sent me in. And it was just like, everybody's just throwing. I remember this dude jumping over my back, punching me in the face, right? And the smoke fucking clears and it all settles. You know, it was all like fucking 15 second melee and it all fucking settles. And we look at the party and there's like six or seven guys, six or seven girls, and there's like a board game that's tipped over and we had gone to the wrong party. Swear to God, I know this sounds like a joke. The real party where they got hit was upstairs. And I don't remember what happened, but they were actually rich kids and they sued my friends for going in whatever the dumb shit they did. Oh, no. But we all went into the wrong party. And they were in there having like a couples thing and they were playing like fucking Monopoly or something. And all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. Hey, is there a party? And then everybody just came fucking running in. Can you imagine them? That's what I'm saying. No, that's why I didn't want to tell because I felt really like, yeah, I felt bad. When I was in high school, the first real brawl that I ever saw was when I was like 17. I think I was a senior in high school. And there was a rich kid that moved into the neighborhood. He wanted to make friends. So he put on this crazy party. He just invited everybody. So kids from all kinds of different high schools were coming. That's always good. Yeah, Newton North, Newton South, a bunch of kids from all sorts of other places. And I happened to be at the right place at the right time when I saw it pop off. People were already robbing this guy. I saw people taking stuff out of bedrooms and running down the stairs with it. It was real sketchy because there was way too many people for this guy's partner. But then this girl, I still to this day don't remember what she did. She either slapped this guy in the face or she threw a drink in his face. I don't remember. I think she slapped him. But what I remember is he uncorked a perfect right hand on her. He knew how to punch. Like I remember thinking, wow, this guy's trained because he snapped it. Joe, always the commentator. Listen, I've been doing it for a long time. But whatever she did, I'm pretty sure she slapped him. But he went like this. Blap! I mean, it was a perfect right hand. Hit her right in the face. Her head goes back. This guy behind her catches her. She's totally unconscious. And then, blah, chaos. Chairs flying. Bodies piling it up. And I'm on the stairs. So I'm watching this through the railings. I see the guy punch the girl. As I'm coming up the stairs, I see it all play out. I'm like, holy fuck. And I'm like, I got to get out of here. And there was pile. I didn't hit anybody and nobody hit me. It was like a movie. Excuse me, partner. You're crawling out. I fucking dodged everything. Meanwhile, I was fighting at the time. I was traveling to tournaments all over the country and fighting. So my friends were looking for me. They're like, you know, go get Joe. And there's piles of people brawling. And I'm just ducking the piles. And then I ran into my friend Jimmy. And I'm like, where is everybody? And we grabbed our friends and got in the car and drove off. We were laughing our asses off. But it was like, when we left, the cops were just starting to arrive. There was piles of kids beating the shit out of each other on the lawn. Dude, I remember my friend who separated his shoulder in that fight. We popped it back in. And he went back up. Threw a punch with the same arm and missed. It came out again. And I remember him flopping on the ground like a fish out of water. And afterwards we said to him, like, dude, why didn't you throw the other hand? And he goes, because I wanted this hand to get its revenge. I swear to God. He had made part of his body like a karate movie. He had to avenge his shoulder's death. And I have to tell you something. When people talk about, you know, you're a funny comedian and blah, blah, blah, the characters that I grew up with. And what I loved about what they did and what they said was they weren't trying to be funny. Like, he was dead serious. He wanted revenge for this part. Yeah. And then we were driving home, hammered. And we were three abreast in the fucking pickup truck. It was this guy's dad's truck. And he had the flat top. So he's got dried blood on his forehead. And we're just driving home. And nobody's saying anything. And the dude in the middle has got these sunglasses on. And he's just sitting there like this. And then all of a sudden out of nowhere, he just fucking goes like that, scared the fucking shit out of me. And I was like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? And he goes, ah, sorry. He goes, because I took a little acid. He goes, I was looking at this bug. He goes, because I thought it was on the windshield. He goes, it turned out it was on the inside of my glasses. Now, I don't know if that was true. But dude, there's only like, there's no way you could ever reenact how much he flipped it. Like, how much you would freak out on acid if you thought a bug was over there. But then your mind told you that it was on the inside of your fucking glasses. And I just remember all three of us just crying, laughing, driving home at this, just the whole fucking situation. And that was like every weekend of my life for like probably like two and a half, three years. Every single fucking weekend. And we used to go into this, there was this club in this bar in Chelsea. Oh, boy. Yeah. Well, I got to it. I was such a baby face. That was the only place where he gets served, right? That's a rough place. Yeah. And they were like selling fucking blow out of there. So they didn't give a fuck if you looked like you were 12 years old, like I was when I go up to order my vodka Collins. It was like the only drink. How old were you? I wasn't of age, like 19 or 20, probably 20. And I would go in there. And I just remember one time standing outside that bar, and there was this fucking dude who looked like Rob Halford from fucking Judas Priest just fucking totally gacked out of his fucking mind, standing in front of his motorcycle. And he was telling this story about riding his bike and his drug thing. He got stuck. He just kept saying, I'm going around the apex. I'm going around the apex. I am going around the apex right now. Fucking hammered. And I'm like making fun of the guy in front of him to my buddy. I'm looking at my buddy and I'm so shitfaced. I'm going, going around the apex. I'm going around the apex and he's hitting me because the guy's staring at me. Oh. And I didn't understand, because I never did coke, so I didn't understand what was going on. I'm going to leave it at that. I didn't understand what was going on. But all I knew was I just seemed to be the guy that wanted to go home first. I'll leave it at that. That was a fucking dangerous place. Boston was dangerous. No, this is when I figured out what the fuck was going on. It was one time I went into the bathroom by myself to take a leak. It was one of those things you walk in, there was a sink, there was a stand-up funeral. And then there was a stall, which just had one toilet. And I walked in and there was two fucking legs guys in there. And I was like, what the fuck are those guys doing? And so my dick's already out and I'm taking a piss. And they opened, like the thing because I didn't have a latch opened up and they had like the, they were doing blow. And I was taking a piss because it was weird. There was two guys in there and I kind of glanced over as I'm already pissing. I look over and this guy's all fucking hammered away. The little werewolf's like, what the fuck are you looking at? And I was just like pee, pee. Didn't wash my hands after that one. No, there was a lot, there was a lot, I don't know why. Because a lot of like, like easy targets really got hit. And I was beyond an easy target. And somehow I just never, I, you know, I never asked. Did you ever ask you? Yeah, I did. I did. Because I would have got really, I was not as tough as my friends were. My friends were fucking lunatics. You know, but my grade was cool, but like the grade above me and grade below me, they were like some fucking, they were crazy, crazy kids. But I talked to friends that grew up in other places. They didn't have the same amount of fight stories. I think Boston is a particularly fighty place. Fighty. You know what I'm saying? I don't know what, yeah, there was something going on. But I mean, I think a lot of those East, like New York and, ah fuck, this thing's going on. A lot of those, like I find the people in like New England, Long Island, tri-state area, it's all sort of the same. Savages. Savage children of immigrants. That's what it is. Yeah, but you go out to the Midwest and that's like German, a lot of Slavic people, Polish people. So I mean, that's, I don't know why, I think they just had more space out there. So it wasn't as intense. You weren't so like packed in. Yeah, you're in a cornfield. There's something about Boston though in particular, I think even more so than New York. Boston was just a lot of fights, man. My boxing coach got his finger bitten off on a fight. He was on PCP, he got bit his finger off and he had his toe removed and replaced his finger with a toe. Did I tell you this? No, I remember that was the move back then. So he had it curved permanently so that he could still throw right hooks. So when you would shake his hand, he would always give you one of these. Yeah, he was like, yeah, he was a guy from Boston too. He had this weird looking nose and some guy bit it off and had it reattached. Jesus Christ. Guys lost ears. Dude, that's why I'm saying why, you know, right around sixth grade I was just like, yeah, this is like becoming blood sport. Like, I think I'm going to try to be funny here. But yeah, there was a lot of, there was also a lot of, you know, the sports scene back in Boston is just, was insane.