Kevin Ross Overcame Alcohol Addiction to Become a Champion | Joe Rogan

How much longer do you think you're gonna compete? I have no idea, man. How old are you now? I'll be 40 this year. Oh shit. Yeah. That's the magic number. You know, since the day I started, you know, I didn't start until I was 23. Yeah. So let's tell your story because it's a fascinating story because I love a guy whose life is fucked up and then he figures something out and then becomes a role model and in a lot of ways that's what you've done. Yeah. It's a long story and I'm actually in the process of writing my autobiography right now, which I've been working on pretty consistently for the last five years. Something that, you know, I really was doing it for myself in a lot of ways to have an understanding of the things that I've been through and the things that I've learned and processed and acquired over these years, which is, you know, in a lot of ways it's been extremely rewarding doing all of this, but it's also been in very difficult, very painful and emotional going back through all of these things that happened to me in my childhood and my upbringing and things that I'm even to this day, I'm still trying to process and understand a lot of and where were we going with my story? Well, your story of not starting until you're 23 and before that, too much partying. Yeah. So, to summarize a lot of this, you know, I grew up in a lot of different places, moved around a lot, you know, my parents split up very early. Me and my mother and three, four brothers, sisters, you know, we basically lived in somebody's basement in the beginning and we're living on welfare and bouncing around from place to place and so much of that shut me down emotionally and, you know, when I was a kid, from what I'm told, I mean, I really have not much recollection of my childhood because I've blocked so much of this out and so it's been really difficult for me to write this book because I don't really have many memories. I have almost no memories of that time in my life where I felt like a child, that carefreeness of childhood and I've had to, you know, talk to siblings and friends from back then and look through photo albums and slowly things start coming together and, you know, that's why a lot of this has been really therapeutic but I always loved fighting. I always loved boxing and was very intrigued by it and martial arts, you know, Bruce Lee was always a hero of mine and but I hated violence coming up. I hated it but I was intrigued by it. So when I'm a really good friend of mine, we lived in Colorado for about a year or two, he would get into fights on a weekly basis in school and I was fascinated by it and I'm like, wow, that like you're so brave and so strong and I felt like such like a weak, I was very allowed like weakness to overtake me throughout the events of my life and I was very shy, I didn't talk, you know, I was always athletic and that kind of thing but as far as confrontation and that I'd like it just shut me down and I didn't like it, it upset me a lot, you know, when people would be angry with me and so I had this strange dynamic where I was drawn to fighting and I was drawn to violence in one way but I also hated it a lot and was scared by it. But over the years, you know, I thought about I was like, oh, maybe I'll try boxing one day and that'd be really cool, you know, I was fascinated watching two people in the ring and all these people are watching and they're there with each other regardless of their skill level and then, you know, just thinking about what it must be like in there to do that, you know, and it fascinated me but again, like I said, I love martial arts so I wanted to be able to kick people, I wanted to be able to elbow people and knee people and I never saw any fighting that was like that, you know, as I was coming up, I mean, you'd see Taekwondo and Karate and a lot of points sparring and that kind of thing and forms and, you know, even that I thought was fascinating but I wanted to fight like boxers did and I just never really saw anything like that and one day, 94, this is right when we moved to Vegas, I was watching ESPN at like two in the morning and they used to have Thai fights on once in a while and this fight came on, I got this next fight, it's got a Muay Thai fight between so and so and when that started, I was immediately hooked, it hit something in me that just like lit me on fire, I was like, this is everything that I've been looking for, this is something so different and it just spoke to my soul and it fascinated me and I was like, if I am ever gonna do this, that's gonna be it, it's gonna be Muay Thai but, you know, for various reasons, it scared me, one, I didn't know how I'd be able to afford it, I didn't know if my parents would even let me and, you know, coming up the way I did, I was partying and drinking all the time even at that, I mean, I started drinking when I was like 12 years old. Holy shit. Yeah and by the time I was probably 18, I was physically dependent alcoholic, I had to drink every day in order to keep my nerves from shaking, my hands would tremor. How much were you drinking? A lot, a lot, every day I would drink, every day I would drink. All day? Throughout the day, a little bit at night, I would just be pounding 40s constantly, you know, and that's all that I did, that's all me and my friends did, we would just drink, we would drink every day and it was very... How did you wean yourself off that? Starting Muay Thai is what did it, as I said, I learned about it in 94, over the years, every once in a while I'd see a fight and I'd be like, oh, I want to do this so bad and in 98, I actually started calling around gyms in Vegas, I was like, oh, maybe I'm going to find a place to do this and for me it was one of those things where if I'm going to do it, I want to do it right and I want to do it to fight and if I'm going to do it to fight, what is the fastest way to get there? And I was like, I need to take one-on-one lessons, I need to, I wanted to learn from a Thai, you know, and that was not to say, you know, like Americans or anybody else can't teach it, but I was like, if you're going to learn it, you might as well learn it from the source and the only place in Vegas that taught Muay Thai, one of the only places that even taught Muay Thai and definitely only place that had Thai instructors was Master Tati's gym and I called the gym, you know, went down and talked to one of the instructors and when he let me know how expensive it was going to be, I was like, there's just no way, there's no way I'm going to be able to do this and for me, I also knew that if I am going to go after this, I'm going to need to stop drinking, stop partying, completely alter my entire existence. I'm probably going to lose all my friends, everyone's going to laugh at me. I didn't even know how serious I took myself, you know, I was like, I laugh at me when I say this, you know, like it's, and if you knew me back then, you'd probably laugh too, you're like, what do you mean you're going to fight? You're stupid. That's the stupidest thing I could ever think of and one of my best friends, Mo, he, for whatever reason, this one night we were up on the roof drinking and smoking weed and he, we got to talking just about life and he was actually born with a heart defect, I can't remember the exact name of the disease that he had, but he was in a hospital so his whole life he was eventually going to need to get a heart transplant and he's like, what do you want to do with your life? You know, I looked at him like he was asking me what, what I want to do when I got to the moon. I'm like, what do you mean what I want to do with my life? And he's like, I was like, well, I always wanted to fight and expecting him to laugh at me about this. He was like, well, why don't you, like, why don't you do it? And you know, I told him, well, well, I feel old already. I was 18 at the time. I've already felt ancient then, you know, and I told him all my reasons and all my fears and doubts and all these things. He's like, you know what, man? He's like, if anybody can do it, you can. He's like, I think you should. And that really, that always stuck with me. I was like, maybe I can. And in that moment, you know, I felt very motivated and wanted to do it, but by, you know, continuing to drink and all these other things, I just put it, suppressed it into the back of my mind. And then about a year later, he was in the hospital and he needed to get a heart transplant. And they basically, he was basically at that point was like, you're going to be here until you get one or you're going to die. And, you know, I don't think any of us realized how serious it was, or maybe we just didn't want to. He ended up passing away while he was waiting for the transplant. And that just obviously devastated me to no end. And through that night, through my drunken coping, I was like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to go after this dream. You know, my friend, he didn't even get a chance to fail at a dream. And I'm too scared to even try for no reason, just out of fear. That's literally my only reason not to do this other than, you know, financial and all those other surface things. But it really just boiled down to fear. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to do, I'm going to go after this for him. You know, he didn't get a chance to live. I'm going to live for the both of us. But, you know, unfortunately, his death sent me even harder down that downward spiral of alcohol and depression. And three years later, I just had a realization one day, I was like, if he was still alive, he'd beat the fuck out of me for wasting my life. I've been wasting my life for 21 years because I'm afraid, you know, I'm afraid, and I'm too afraid to fail. I'm too afraid of all these stupid reasons that that all of us give ourselves in order to make ourselves feel better about not going after things. But really, they're just that they're just that they're just excuses. They're just things that make you feel better. And they're bullshit. They're all bullshit. Almost every excuse we have is total bullshit, because there's people with those excuses and with all those reasons and more, and they're able then they do it. Like, what is your excuse? And it just it just smacked me in the face one day and I was at that point when I could not ignore it any longer. And this was going into 2003. So I was like, made it my New Year's resolution to do this. And, you know, one night I was sitting down with my father and we'd have these, he'd get into these long talks with me because I was always very quiet and he'd like take me off to the side and his way to kind of talk to me and get to know me better. And he's like, so, why don't you tell me something you've never told anybody? You know, I'm like, what do you mean? Like, what can I like, I killed somebody when I was little, like, like racking my brain, what I could possibly tell him. And, you know, that, that kept replaying in my mind. You want to fight, you want to fight, you want to fight. And very like quietly, he's like, I want to fight one day. And he's like, what? He's like, I want to fight. And he's like, what do you mean you want to fight? And, you know, I told him and he's like, whoa, why don't you not told him all these reasons? He's like, well, I cannot help you with all of your fears and doubts in this. But look, I'll make a deal with you. If you quit drinking and dedicate yourself to this, I'll take care of every, all the financial things in order to let you do this. I was like, he said, we got a deal. And I was like, all right, yeah. And he's like, points out I was drinking a 40 at the time. He's like, what about that drink in your hand? And I was like, well, I was going to start tomorrow. So, you know, I don't want to, you know, maybe I can finish this. But, you know, I understood even at that age, like, you can't put things off like that. It was like, you're serious about it. You're going to do it now. So, I dumped out the rest of the 40 and the sink he had in there. And two days later, I got into the gym. Was it hard to wean yourself off the alcohol though, if you were physically dependent on it? It was both extremely difficult, yet I was so focused on this goal that none of those I had to overcome so much, not just the physical dependence of the alcohol, but my lifestyle and changed so many things. But I'd been putting this off for so long that I knew there was no time for me to waste. You know, I was so focused on this that like, once I made that switch in my mind, like, I'm going to go after this and there's nothing that's going to stop me. And I've wasted so many years already that everything I'm doing is going to be playing catch up. You know, there's no way for me to get to like, I'd look at, you know, like sunshine guys like that. I'm like, I'm never going to get there. So everything that I do has to be to get me closer to this goal. And I can't allow, you know, my physical dependency or my doubts or any of these things slow me down because everything I'm doing, I have to play catch up, you know, and having that, that focus allowed me to overcome all of those, those physical and emotional and mental challenges. And of course, that's not to say it was easy, it was extremely difficult, it was extremely difficult, but it was, you got two choices, you know, you can, you can allow these things to slow you down and hinder you and weaken you. Or you can say, I'm gonna go forward anyway. It doesn't matter how afraid I am. It doesn't matter how hurt I am. It doesn't matter how tired I am. This is what I want. And I'm going to put everything that I have into this. So that way, when I'm done, when my, when my life is over, when I can't do this anymore, I can look back and have no regrets that I didn't allow these things to slow me down. I didn't allow the excuses that we all have hinder me and keep me from doing this, you know, because one day we're going to wake up and really realize we could have gone after these things. And we didn't because of x, y, and z, but really those things aren't, aren't anything, you know. Do you stop and think about those moments when you first started this because that's a profound life shift, right? To go from being a guy who's kind of aimless and partying a lot, but knowing that you should do something with your life to finally doing something. Like, what was it like when you finally started training? What did it feel like when you actually, because you hadn't, had you done anything athletic before that? You know, I was, I was always athletic my whole life. I was always really good at sports. I hated, I hated the team aspect of things though. I despised being on a team of any kind. I love playing sports for the, for the love of it, you know, but anytime I was on like a team, I would just hated it. I despised it. And you know, by the time I was like, I think 12, I completely turned my back on anything team related because I felt, to me, it felt like it just ruined all the beautiful things about the physicality of, of athletics. You know, it put this, this, this, one of it, it hindered me in a lot of ways, you know, and having to rely on other people, you know, was always a big thing. You know, it's like, it doesn't matter how hard I work because this person might not have worked at all. Right. And you know, that's why I'm so drawn to fighting because it's, it's, even though you do have a team, of course, it really is. Everything is on you, the good and the bad. There's nothing you can point, you can point to all these other things, but it's really just you. So yeah, I think back and I look back to that time and. What was the first day like? It was. Do you remember? Yeah, yeah, I do. It was, so I started out just doing private lessons. I didn't even start doing classes until maybe six months to a year. So I was, I was doing private lessons on a daily basis. My trainer, a master Chan, who's one of Tati's original instructors, he had me in the gym at like 6am. There's a minimum. So this is January in Vegas, which is brutally cold, which, you know, a lot, not a lot of people realize. And their gym had no heat, all the windows were like broken. So there's no insulation or anything. And I was, I was just, I was, I was so excited. Yeah. So nervous. And, you know, obviously I want to do, do really well and perform and everything was just, everything was so new that I didn't really, I didn't really have a lot. I couldn't even really process it. So there wasn't a lot of, it wasn't really a lot of thought that was going into it. I was just, I was just excited. I was just constantly excited and motivated and wanted to, my whole goal was to fight. You know, I was like, I want to fight, even if it's only one time. So everything I did was with that mentality, you know, it was like, I want to get better. I want to get better. I want to do everything that I can at every moment. And I put every ounce of myself into every second of the day was geared towards this, you know, was singularly focused on this goal. Can you remember the first day? Yeah. Can you remember the first day of footwork and holding your hands up? The first day, the first day he has me up in the ring. I must've been maybe the second or third day because there was, I know there was other people there and maybe they were just hitting the bag and stuff. So there, there was a couple of the other pro fighters there are other, they were pro fighters. I was nobody and I'm up in the ring. And so this is day one. He's like shadow box. I'd never done anything fighting related. I'm like, what do you mean? Like, I don't even know what that is. You know what I'm saying? Like, what do you mean shadow box? So like so much of my, everything in my career has been like thrown into the deep end. Can you swim kind of thing and like this forced learning curve, you know, I didn't get babied into anything, you know, it's like, all right, shadow box, go ahead. And everyone, all these fighters are like staring at me, watching me. I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing, but whatever. You know, it was, it was, it was traumatic in a lot of ways, but having to confront that and face that particularly me, because I'm naturally a very shy person, a person that doesn't speak ever to anybody. I mean, even now, you know, I'm still very quiet, but if you knew me back then, I was basically a mute, you know, and I had no interaction with especially strangers and people I didn't know. And even the ones that I do, I'd still barely even communicate with. So all of this was so foreign to me. This was like an alternate universe that I was in. And yeah, it was, it was, it was so scary, but it was like, you don't have a choice. Like, get up there and do it or get the fuck out of here. You know what I mean? So there wasn't, there wasn't time for me to really think about it or like even be really nervous about it. It's like, do it. Shadowbox, like, and, and, and this instructor, he barely spoke English. It's not like I can like say, Hey, well, I don't really know what I'm doing. And maybe you can show me some things. Just like go. And that's very much a tie approach. It's like, just do it. I'm not going to tell you how I'm not going to explain the steps. Just go kick the bag or hit it. Just do it. And yeah, it was, it was scary. But then once you got some momentum, once you had a couple of weeks under your belt and this started becoming a real normal part of your life, what was that feeling like what you realized like, Hey, I'm fucking actually doing this. Like it's, this is actually happening. Well, every day, every day I was taking significant jumps. I mean, as I said, I've always been naturally athletic. So I was picking this up like quick, really quick. I mean, even within a few weeks, people thought I'd been doing it for years. You know, and a lot of that, you know, does come from my physicality, but, but my drive to do it and to, to, to have my sights set so high that, you know, I was taking these quantum leaps every single day. So over, over the weeks and over the months, you know, it just, it really felt like I was like, Oh, I'm on, I'm on track, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm on the path I should be on. I'm going to, I'm going to be amazing at this. You know, this, this is great. I'm, I'm natural at this. You know, I'm going to be, I'm going to be a champion one day. I'm going to just be crushing people and, you know, everything, everything was pointing in that direction, you know, with my, my development and, you know, started eventually going into the classes and sparring and all those kinds of things. And, you know, it was always like, when do I get to fight? When do I get to fight? When do I get to fight? And I think it was nine months in, I finally got, I got to fight and I was like, Oh, this is it. This is, this is my moment. You know, I'm going to go out there, you know, I'm going to want to crush this dude. And then I'm going to be, you know, on my way to, to, to, to, to the big time, not that there even, you know, back then there's no big time. There was no, this wasn't, this was before YouTube. This is before anyone even knew what Muay Thai was, you know, you had to tell everybody you did kickboxing basically, which just crushed my soul every time. Every time say, well, it's like kickboxing and, you know, for Muay Thai people to have to say that is, it's devastating. It's like, uh, someone say, well, it's like karate, you know what I mean? Which no disrespect to any of these other arts, but, but to say that it's that in order to help people, you most of the time, I would just say, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like keep boxing instead of having to explain to them what it is. And yeah, so nine months in, I got the, uh, there was going to be a fight in Salt Lake city, Utah, and a bunch of the other people at the gym were fighting as well. And we were all going to go up there, um, and compete. Is this an amateur fight? Yeah. Yeah. Head gear? Um, no, yes. Head gear, but you know, the funny thing was we had head gear, but we didn't have shin guards. We had eight ounce gloves and we had knees to the head, which was a trip. So, um, anyway, so, so I was like, oh yeah, great. We get to fight. And I was so excited and, uh, my pops and, uh, Gina, and we, uh, we drove up there. And, um, you know, like I said, I really felt like I was on my way, but when we got there, um, the guy that I was originally supposed to fight, I don't remember if he backed out or it was just that he was closer in weight to somebody else. Um, you know, and that was kind of the thing back then. We would just show up at places and be like, you got to fight for me or don't you? And, um, they didn't. And, um, I was like, oh my God, I was devastated. I was devastated. I'm like, I did all this work. I was so ready and now I don't have a fight. And you know, my trainer's like, well, is there somebody else you can get? And so the, the, the promoter, you know, he's calling around, calling around and then finally he's like, um, well, there's one guy that's going to take it, but he outweighs you by 20 pounds and he's had about 30 fights already. I was like, let's do it. I don't give a fuck man. I was like, I didn't do all this for nothing. You know what I'm saying? And, you know, and again, that like, that was just our mentality. The way that we came up and the people that we came up under was you fight anytime, anywhere, anyone, any style, any weight, it doesn't matter. And, um, so yeah, I didn't even, I didn't even really think about it as far as like that goes. You know, it was like, I get to fight. That's a fucking awesome man. And, uh, I felt, I felt, I felt confident in a way, but it's also that you have no idea what you're really doing. Like you can train your whole life, but if you've never fought, you don't know anything, anything. You have no concept of what it's like to be in there. You have the hardest sparring in the world with, with complete stranger and it's night and day between a real fight and sparring. And so it's like, yeah, you, you, you want to feel confident going in there, but you have no concept of, of what it is. So it's really just fake. It's fake confidence. And, um, I got a fucking crush, man. So I got there and, uh, I, uh, you know, I have no concept of like pacing myself or anything. So I just like, I'm like sprinting at this guy and in like 30 seconds I was just done. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think I couldn't, I could barely even see felt like, felt like I was underwater. Um, and it was, it was the worst thing in the world because nothing this guy was doing was hurting me. And every time he had hit me, the whole crowd said, and all I wanted to do was just say, it's, it's, it's bothering me. This isn't hurting. Like I wanted to like tell everybody like, this isn't hurting me. I can't breathe. Like all I'm really trying to do is not pass out right now. And, and I, I mean like physically I couldn't do anything, but, but I was able to last for a while and do a couple of decent things in there. But by the third round, he was just battering me, knee me in the face. And you know, he did, he just kept clenching me up and just needing the piss out of me and there was nothing I could do. And they, they finally stopped it in the third round. And I was, I was devastated, man. I was devastated. And I remember walking like I was, I was walking back to the locker room. Everyone in the crowd was like cheering for me and like, oh, that was awesome, man. Like, like good job. Good job. I'm like, what is wrong with these people? Like that wasn't good. That was so terrible. That was terrible. And I was like laying in the back and bleeding all over the place. And my opponent comes in, he's like, dude, that was your first fight. So yeah, he's like, man, I hate to see you in like a year or two. He's like, that was, that was amazing. And you know, that really, that really stuck with me, you know, that, that one, that he said that and also just the, the impact I saw that you could have on people that, that it's not necessarily about whether you win or lose that it's what you show in there. It's the heart that you show, it's the spirit that you show. And, you know, I had like a day or two when I was like, maybe this just isn't for me. You know, I thought, I thought that this, that I was going to be so good at this. I thought that it was just going to like skyrocket to the top. And I got crushed, man, I didn't even make it out of the fight. And like, maybe this isn't for me. But I was forced to face that day one, like, do you want to do this, regardless of how good you are, regardless of you win? If you if you can't win, and maybe you can't be the best in the world, do you still want to do this? Yeah, I fucking do. I love this so much. And me having to face that so early on was, was extremely significant. I saw so many of the people I trained with would go on these undefeated streaks, like 10, 15, 20 fights. But inevitably, you will lose. And if you haven't had to confront that early on, eventually you do. Most of those people never fought again, or just like crushed them mentally, where they weren't able to overcome it. But I had to deal with that the first day and overcome it and be like, you know what, that doesn't matter. I'm gonna bust my ass in a gym and make sure that never happens again. And I went on to win like 19, 20 fights in a row from there. And, you know, that was really a significant moment in my career where I had to confront the reality of this. And you know, that so much of fighting is a perfect metaphor for things in life. Like if you really want something, you can't always focus on what the results are, or the immediate results, like winning and losing and all of these things are so much of that is just on the surface ego level of things. And when you break it all down, like what is your why are you doing this? I'm doing this because I love it. I'm doing this to improve myself. I'm doing this because it's what keeps me healthy, mentally, physically, spiritually and all of these things. And that's the most important thing. And yes, it was an extreme motivator to be better and, you know, not to let that have happened to me again. But, you know, really, it really made things clear to me early on, like what's important here.