Joe Rogan - Sean Anders on Adoption

Foster care and all that kind of stuff and it's been great it's been great talking talking to everybody and I think that when you have a topic like that too it helps because They're not really trying to crush you as much when yeah, right You know when you're talking to him about kids who need families and homes and that kind of thing, right? Right, right, right? Yeah, yeah, they have to be careful with letting their piece of shit claws out Now you said that your experience with adopting three kids started out as a nightmare Yeah, how did it start out as well? It goes into it, you know Did you know you have friends that that joined the military and when they're in high school? They think they're really tough and they're like yeah, it's gonna be awesome And then they go to boot camp and they're like, oh shit This is really hard and then they get on top of it and then they're and then they're good again Yeah, but they have to go through that transition of like, oh man Maybe I'm not as tough as I thought I was and then they get rough so you never had any kids I never had any kids had dog. You know a dog thing did the dog thing. You know, take care of In a very small way. I had a friend who said that to me. So I've had a dog Oh, yeah, talking about having a kid. I've heard about fucking kill you with a rock Yeah, and we know we we went from you know zero kids and you kind of think well I babysat my sister's kids and that yeah, that's that's the a movie question went to a whole movie. Yeah And even what happens is you go so so for us we we had a really interesting experience Where we went to an adoption fair and that's that's in the movie It's a real thing where they because they you know Their their budgets are stretched so tight that they'll have these outdoor events. Not every county has them but LA County has them where you where they'll bring a bunch of kids that are that are in the system and a bunch of Perspective parents and they'll just have like games and stuff going on. It's a really bizarre event and we went you know and you're there to meet kids, you know to meet your kids and So we went there and we didn't want to have anything to do with teenagers because not you know, just because we were scared We thought we're not ready for that. We just want to find like some little cute little kid and and then the teenagers are all off to the side because Everybody's afraid of them and it's the most heartbreaking thing you've ever seen because they know why they're there like they chose to be there And they know that everybody's scared of them. So I was there and I was like, oh my god this is the worst thing I've ever seen and we ended up sort of inadvertently meeting this teenage girl and her brother and sister and Just they just seemed cool and they just seemed like really good kids and just scared scared scared But we wrote them down on our sheet and just again not what we yeah What we had planned on when we did this but we wrote them down on our sheet we went home knowing they were gonna match us with them because no one else was gonna put them down and We we get home and we find out yes, you've been matched with these kids and we're like, okay, here we go We're gonna have you know, we're gonna have a time. They were 16 13 and 11. Boom. Yeah So so we're we're you know, kind of wrapping our heads around this Yeah, the next couple weeks and we got to a place where we were like, okay You know we can do this and then we got a call from the social worker and she said, you know It's not gonna work out with them. The they've been in the system for four years the girl She's really holding out. Hope that her mom is coming for her. So she's refusing the placement and So we tried to and and I was like I was you know, when you hear that it's so Just the same reaction you guys just had so my wife and I wrote and a letter to send through the Social workers just saying hey look we get it if you maybe you guys just want to come and just do the foster thing or You know However, you want to do it and we we just sort of sent the letter off We didn't hear anything and then she came back and she just said yeah it's not gonna happen and then she very matter-of-factly just said but there's these other three kids and Those kids are my kids now who I love more than anything in the world really and that's that's how that's how These other three kids like oh, all right And you you want there to be or I shouldn't say you I mean I wanted there to be a certain amount of randomness Like when you have, you know biological kids, you don't know what you're gonna get Yeah And go into that that event where you're sort of like meeting kids and it feels weird And so when she said there's these other three kids we said okay, and then they turned out to be younger You know six three and eighteen months But I never forgot meeting that that girl and her brother and sister So when the when the time came that we were gonna make a movie about it I really that was the genesis of the Lizzie character, right? I wanted to make sure there was a teenager in this movie because they're so misunderstood and In the process I went out and met with a bunch of families that had adopted Teen girls and then met with a lot of those girls who some of whom are grown up and some of whom are still you know with their families and And this is the thing, you know That's the scariness that we're all talking about every one of these families that I met with Just great stories like amazing great stories like hard times, you know Try it trying to make that connection and whatever but but everybody with the same story wouldn't have it any other way changed our life for the better met these incredible kids and This is yeah, and now I'm yammering but How old are they now how many years have you had them almost seven years? so my son Johnny just turned 13 why my daughter's nine and my other son is eight and How long was it between the phone calls? Like I had these other three kids and you actually getting them in your house God what was it? It was it was a couple of weeks because there was a couple of weeks. That's it. Yeah No, it wasn't long at all. Whoa, but yeah, it was because because they called me said we have these other three kids and then and then there was gonna be a meeting because they they They won't tell you much about the kids Until until they really sit down with you and then they kind of walk through like here's you know, whatever trauma Here's whatever, you know, kind of so and again they did for in our case They don't have all the information obviously on their past right? They can kind of tell you like here's how they came in what they know and that kind of thing So I wasn't able to go because I was I was I was at a work thing and so my wife went to the meeting and I was like listening to it, you know, and I was on speakerphone in the meeting and And there was this one moment, you know And she's telling us everything and there's this one moment where she slides the picture across to my wife This is here's a picture of them and there's this long pause my wife goes. Oh They're cute, but they didn't sound cute by the inflationary voice and you know, you're trying that Try not to be that guy, you know, you're like wait, what do they look like? But you know, you don't want to be shallow about it I mean sure kids are kids and you know, you're gonna fall in love with them regardless But you know, like you kind of everybody wants to think their own kids are cute Whatever so it was funny Then when I saw the picture the picture was it was just a weird bad picture of the kids like my son who was six At the time looked like he was 11 and he looked like this. It was just the look on his face or whatever hard Yeah, he looks hard and a little and and we go over to the house and these kids are adorable So oh so this is sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself So so when you so we have the meeting and we go, okay, we're gonna go meet with them and just to be clear We didn't say okay because the picture because the picture was kind of like neither here nor there, you know We were like, all right, let's go meet these kids. So we go to the house and these kids are adorable and and it's the weirdest thing ever because you go to this foster home where they live and You play with them for like two hours And when do you ever play with any kids for two straight hours like actually actively play with kids? Especially kids you've never met before So it's exhausting. Yeah, it's weird And and we touch on this in the movie that I was really scared when we were getting there because I wanted so much to Walk in see these kids well up with tears. No, it's for real No These are my kids and have that like cosmic connection moment and that didn't happen at all Like it's more weird, right? So are you I'm gonna live with you. Yeah, and well Little kids are just kind of like this is you know, it's actually weird in the other direction They're so used to kind of being passed around that they're just kind of like, oh, okay. Who are these? Oh, right, you know and So we get in there and then the the foster mom in our case was like go to your mom and dad and I was like Oh Don't you know, you know, yeah Because it just felt so obtrusive to the kids, you know, yeah Yeah, and so we we would go there every day for five straight days We would go there when the kids were off school and we we'd go and play with them first in the backyard And then you take them to the park and then you take them to the park and you take them out for ice cream And you're just kind of like getting to know these kids that are strangers to try to change their names Yeah first day since we walked in I was like No, we didn't do that But a little one wouldn't even know though, dude. Yeah, that's true. That is true. That is true No memory, you know what? a lot of a lot of people do in fact a lot of kids a lot of the older kids that sort of have that will Want to change their name not just their last new fresh start. Yeah that they'll just want to you know, really? Yeah Yeah, I don't have any experience with that But I've heard that that sometimes will choose to there was a young lady that was at the screening last night Who was who her picture is at the end of the movie and she's like she's in Ireland getting her PhD right now this girl Wow adopted out of foster care and she's she's amazing Yeah, and and she she had chosen to change her name. Yeah, I mean that seems like it would mean something Yeah now that I think about it. It just seems you know changing a name Yeah is especially as a teen but I mean I get it if you're saying like I want to put everything in the past Yeah, you want a fresh start really lock it down This is the new me right? I'm Kobe Bryant. I used to be number eight. I'm 24 now Well and that touches on something that is really difficult when you're doing this as an adoptive parent is that you're trying to walk this line all the time where you You know you you need to claim these kids for your own You need to be the person who's like you're with us like we're we're with you. We got your back We're behind you like you you you need to do that That's what these kids don't have this thing that we all take for granted We have these parents that love us no matter what knucklehead things we do so you're trying to do that But at the same time you're trying not to impose your world on them because they're coming into it with their own You know personality and their own you know culture or whatever it is that behind them So you're always trying to kind of be careful and walk this line between just just completely Bring them in but not trying to change them into who you are