5 years ago
Michael Malice is a cultural commentator, host of the PodcastOne podcast "YOUR WELCOME," and author of several books, including "Dear Reader: The Unauthorized Autobiography of Kim Jong Il," and "The Anarchist Handbook." His newest, "The White Pill: A Tale of Good & Evil," is available now. www.whitepillbook.com
He's like, yeah, motherfucker, what the fuck are you doing? He goes, you think this is a bad neighborhood? And he goes, I just put on a Russian accent. Everyone's scared of me. He's like, Russians are the scariest white people. They're definitely not regular white people. And the women are the worst. Are they? Russian women? They will fucking cut you and laugh at your bleeding. Whoa. They're merciless. My mom, my grandma, they do not fuck around. But they're from the old country. What about Russian women that you encountered today? They're worse, because they're liberated. So they're ruthless. Kind of hot though. They're very hot. Crazing the head, crazy in the bed, yeah. But I can't do it. I can't do it. Is that band that the documentary was, the Pussy Riot? Pussy Riot? Yeah, yeah. Those bitches are loped. I got a free Pussy Riot t-shirt. I don't even know what they did wrong, but I'm wearing that shirt. Yeah. That's there. It's ballsy to criticize Putin. Oh, yeah. I mean, that is to even, I don't care if you're a band or you're a journalist, like whatever you're doing, that guy has killed a lot of people. And laughs about it. Yeah. You know the Super Bowl ring story? No. You don't know that story? Oh, I want to hear this. Fine. Google it so I don't fuck up the stats, because Sturgill Simpson actually told me this. There was a Super Bowl winner who visited Putin. And as he's talking to Putin, Putin asks him to see the ring. He's got the Super Bowl ring. And Putin holds on to it, puts it on his finger, and walks away. And then the guy starts going, hey, what the fuck? And Putin's bodyguards put their hand on the guy. No. It's over. You got your fucking ring. Yeah. On a business mission with my friend, Sandy Weil, we had just given out our rings. I showed Sandy my ring. And he said, why don't you show it to the president? I showed it to him. And he put it on. And he sort of enjoyed it. So he kept it on. That's his version of it there. There's a version of it in an actual article that's more detailed, where he talks about how he asked for it back. And they were like, no. Here's what happened. The other thing is how he trolled Angela Merkel. You know this story? No. Angela Merkel is head of German, chancellor of Germany. She's terrified of dogs. So he brings out his giant black lab, which are the sweetest breed. And this photo is, look up, Merkel, Putin, dog. And she's sitting there terrified to look at it. And the dog's sniffing her. It's like a lab. And he's just sitting there fucking laughing like an asshole. He's like, oh, I didn't know she was scared of dogs. I'm like, how many world leaders are you bringing your dog out to meet other than her? And the body language on her. Yeah, look at her. She's freaking the fuck out. Look at her. And look at him. I don't trust people that are scared of dogs either, by the way. And a lab? Come on. Yeah. Fucking weird. Look at her. She's like, ah. No. It's probably farting out. That was so funny. Yeah. He's an asshole. It's very strange what he's been able to do. Oh, yeah. Did you see the assassination attempt where the guy drove into his car full clip, changed lanes on the highway, and went into the oncoming lane into the fast lane on the other side, full clip slammed into his car and killed his driver, but he wasn't in the car? Oh my god, no. It's wild. Holy shit. It's wild. It was an assassination attempt. And they just didn't know that he wasn't in the car. But the fact that they were able to cut through the lanes, get into the center, where they have access to the oncoming lanes, and pick his car out of all the car. I mean, it had to be coordinated with someone. Right, because there's got to be a motorcade. Right, because they're going. Oh, yeah. Watch. Oh, that's it already. It just keeps running it by. Oh, but just do it from the beginning. The beginning wasn't good. Well, there's a better version of it then. There's a better version of it out there. And the better version of it, you see the guy change lanes. Yeah, and slam in and had to know that that's where his car was. Killed him, killed the driver, but Putin was not in the car. But it was Putin's car. He's magic. Well, he just knew probably something was up. I mean, he must have a bunch of people feeding him information. Oh, of course. And how many assassination attempts have there been on that guy? Well, I mean, what about the assassination on the presidents that we don't hear about? Both Obama and Trump. There have been plenty. Really? Yes. Like what ones? On Trump? Yes. Really, or really? Of course, yes. I haven't heard anything. Of course, because they don't want to talk about it, because then he's the victim. And also, you don't want to give these people attention, in all fairness. So I think that's a good move to be like, all right, let's not talk about this. Like, you don't want to talk about when terrorist attacks are foiled, because then they'll know, OK, this doesn't work. We're going to try it a different way. So that's smart of the press, I think. Yeah. But I mean, he's been able to run Russia for a long time. Oh, yeah. I mean, he had his number. It was like Teddy Roosevelt and Taft. He had his number two. There was terminal admits. He goes, you're going to be president now. He's like, OK, I'm done. Now I'm going to be back in. He goes, OK, here you go, Mr. Putin. But that's what's crazy, is he got back in, and everybody's like, OK. And his approval ratings are like 70%, something crazy. There's some huge number. The Russians love him. Do they love him, or do they say they love him, because they're scared? No. Russians love aggression. We love someone who is nasty and an asshole.