Joe Rogan - Joey Diaz: He Called me 'Belushi'

I remember there was a pizza parlor when I was a kid. His name was Nick the Greek. Fucking tremendous pizza, even though he was Greek, like we let it slide. He put the Sicilian by the window and there was the flies would land on it. It was like the airport for the flies that would land. We would break his balls. Nick. But I remember I went around a quailud one night, fucked up to the gills, would vomit all over my shirt. And every time he'd see me, he'd call me fucking Balushi. That's when Balushi almost died. It was and he would for years, he called me fucking Balushi. And there was another kid who had a beard and he called him Ayatollah Khomeini. Like he had nicknames for us, but that's a weird, it bothered me after a while. He would call me Balushi. And when Balushi died, it really started bothering me. Like, am I next? He would call me Balushi to my face. Look who it is, fucking Balushi. Whoa. I was fucked up. I went in there one night on a quail and open up the red pepper and threw it at him. But I used to sell him jewelry. Like I would sell him stolen. Me and Nick were tight. Nick was the pizza parlor 50 yards from the high school. And you could run a tab with Nick. And Nick used to, I used to give Nick jewelry and he would look at me and he'd go speak. How much do you think that's worth? Because jewelry was 800 an ounce at that time, gold. And I would bring him jewelry. He would look at it and then take it, give me money and put it in one of his pockets from his, the fuck, apron. So two days later, I'd go in there and go, Nick, let me use your bathroom. And I'd go in there and stick my hand in the apron and take the jewelry back. And then a week later, I'd go back to him, Nick, how much for the ring? And he'd look at me and he was racist as fuck. Like he would either call me Balushi or speak to my face. Like it didn't matter. There was a kid, you know, this is on Kennedy Boulevard. This is a big Boulevard. And there was a kid that would come in there and I'm still dear friends with that his family had money and he would go in there and buy a slice of pizza, but he would cross the street because the iced tea across the street was a dime cheaper. And when I used to, he came in those fucking cardboard and milk cardboard. Yeah. He would always cross the street. So Nick would be having a conversation. It's like, what's going on? And also he go west and we go, he went across the street to get the ice cream. He would fucking flip out. He'd run from behind the counter, run out to Kennedy Boulevard. Hundreds of people would be out there and he'd yell at the kid, Tony, you fucking Jew. You fuck you fucking Jew. The kid wasn't Jewish. He was Italian. He was just cheap and shit like that. That's it. 10 cents. You got to be pretty cheap to run across the street. It was 45 cents for the iced tea, but in Ashways it was 35 cents. And he would run across the street. Then the Ashways deli was great because the mother was losing her hair. So every time you got a sandwich, you get a little piece of hair in your food. So you wouldn't get hair. You'd go miss hash. You didn't get any more hair today. Everything had a little piece of hair in it, the macaroni salad. And you ate it. Who gave a fuck? It was tremendous. She made the best roast beef on rye in the world. But every, no, in fact the whole family, the her and her son were losing their hair. And I learned from her son, like her son was losing his hair, but he couldn't control his emotions about it. He went to everything Joe. He did the fucking stitches. He would spray paint his hair. He was one of those guys. The hat, like he tried, but the hair just kept falling out. He had the male pattern, whatever. We were kids. But the mom had it too. The mom had it. Maybe something in the house. I don't know what it was. Nuclear testing. The dad had it and the brother had it and fucking everything you got there had a little piece of hair on it. Whatever you got always had hair. If you didn't get hair, you were like beat doing miss hash. What's up? No hair today. Did you say it to her face? Oh, we used to torture all the time. We love missus hat.