Joe Rogan - Joey Diaz Explains Santeria

Santorilla became a scam after all. Like I was raised in Santorilla from the age of five. I had little disturbances when my dad died. I was weak. They didn't put me into Santorilla to be a witch doctor. Explain Santorilla to people who don't know what it's like today. It's a religion that originated in Africa, Nigeria, and then the slaves brought it over to Cuba. They hid it from the plantation owners through Catholicism. So that's why there's a lot of cross. It's kind of a mixture of African and Catholic. Catholic religion. When I was five, I was brought up to 148th Street and this lady had a collie, a dog, and I loved the collie. I loved dogs and I was allergic to them. So while I was playing with the dog, she would talk to me and I fell in love with this woman. I fell in love with her. She was like my mother. And then as I got older, they asked me, do you want this? Do you want that? Do you want to get the Eligua, which is the first one you get? Eligua or Gung, Yoro or Mero, those are the first things you get and you put them by your door and they guarantee your safety. For me, it was health. That big black woman is my godmother. And then after that, when I was six, they finally said they were going to initiate me and my mother because my spirit took my father. So they wanted my godmother, they wanted me and my mother to be twins in the Santorias. So I made saint on 148th Street and Broadway. But for me, it wasn't to be a killer or to be anything like that. I can't carry guns. I can't go on cars with strange people. I can't do business with three people. I can't say I hope Jamie fucking gets hit by a car. I'm not allowed to say all those things. I don't use it the way in the late 70s. Why can't you do business with three people? Because two of them will saddle up against you. And that's the same thing that happened to me on my kidnapping. I robbed somebody with three people. I can't stay in anything. Look at my life now. Look at my life when I was snorting white powder. My saint in my head is controlled. That's why I always wear a white t-shirt on Mondays. What? You always wear a white t-shirt on Monday? Look at my shoes. They're white on white. Always? When I step out of the shower, I walk on to a white shower mat every day. Every day? Every day. I'm still very Santorian in my head. I wasn't when I was doing the Coke because I knew I wasn't allowed to. What happened in the mid 70s with Santorias was, I would pay you to tell me what you wanted to hear. Listen, I got a big cargo coming in from Columbia with 200 kilos. What would the saint say I do? It's fucking religion. They don't fucking transport blow. But these people got enamored with it. So it was like, you know, I want to kill Joe Rogan. Let me put a spell. So you're supposed to write your name on a thing and then take a tongue and put it in a cow's tongue. Like there was a big story when I was a kid for Thati. One of Thati's stories that he's in a book, he's Omega 7. I didn't know this growing up. He went to court one time and his godmother made a powder. And before the judge went to make a verdict, she splayed the power in the thing. And the judge fucking couldn't remember what the fuck he was about to say. So they dismissed the case. And she became a star after that. Every fucking criminal wanted to give her thousands of dollars. What was the powder? Like a thing they made. There's a movie they called years ago. It was The Devil's Advocate with Keanu Reeves and Pacino. And there's one scene where he has to go protect a guy. The guy's a Santeria guy. New York is prosecuting him because he's killing animals without a license. And he goes, watch this. He takes the tongue out. He puts the tongue down. He blasts the tongue like a thing. And then he says he asked the guy, what's the judge's name? And the judge gave him his name. And he took the tongue and they roll it with nails. And then they put it away and they go, don't worry about tomorrow. The next day in court, the judge starts to fucking talk. And he goes into a coughing spree. He can't fucking talk. Now that person looks like a hero. These were all subtle coincidences that these fucking spics were fueled by now. So now I gotta have a big week, Joe Rogan. What does the saint say? And you get four pieces of coconut. You throw them on the floor and the saint say, this is going to be your week. Let me give you $20,000. So now drug dealers started doing it when Noriega got busted. He had Santeria in his closet. Fidel was well known for Santeria in his closet. All these dudes, well, they have a, you have a special one. You have an altar. I made a promise when I lived in that apartment that if a bottle, I got me a house, he'd have his own room. Go to my house. My saint is in my office right behind me. I have an altar. I'm not cubic. I also have a- If you get into the Cuban thing, it will get you. It will get you. It will get you at some point. Don't you from reading this book create an altar? I have an orisha. You have to have- Eliguah is my orisha. He's an orisha. He's a little boy. Why did you do this? It's a belief system. Why did you do this? Because you can't really understand that culture unless you embrace it on some level. You understand it and live it unless you live- But you continue it even after the book. Oh yeah. I've had people talk to me when I've thrown cards about you. Thrown cards about me? When people have done my readings, they have mentioned you in my readings. Really? That you're around the- you're Obatala's son all the way to the end. What does that mean? Obatala is an old wise saint. He has 24 different passages. He goes, my passages are Yaguna. That's the one you don't want around because they were supposed to put Shango in my head but to tie me down. I was like, Chang'o's son. Chang'o means thunder. Whenever you see thunder and shit, that's Chang'o. Chang'o is a man and a woman. You can't kill mice around him. They beheaded him because a mouse woke him up and he woke up and, oh it's fucked. Look, I get sick of the man. And Shango- You have no idea. And Shango is the drum, the conga drum, which is the thunder, you know, summoning the thunder. Yeah. So they put Obatala in my head to calm me down. I'm not supposed to carry weapons. I can't have knives on me. I can't get into arguments. My mother in the saint is Ochung. She's just a whore. She's just Ochung is the whore of the saints. She gave her kids to the yemayada rays. If you have problems with your stomach or you want to have a kid, you have to pray to Ochung. You know, but the women saints are worse than the male saints. You don't fuck around with the women saints because they will fuck your world up. Ochung is probably Mary Magdalene, right? Yes. And Yemayas sent a message to my mother. My mother didn't do it. My mother died. Oh. You know. So how the fuck do I fit into San Area? What do you- A couple of years ago, I had a read and some guy told me that you have a couple strong Obatala people in your life. And that's definitely you. You're an old, wiser guy. You're not violent. You're very controlled. You're a lot more controlled than I am, which is more of a- I gleaned towards the Chang'o phase. My main thing is Ayaguna. Ayaguna was the young Obatala. He's the one that took a sword and wiped it on his chest with red. And they asked him why did he like to kill him? He said because blood makes change. Something stupid he has. But I don't practice that. My Obatala is very calm. But one guy goes to Caesar, he's a badass motherfucker here, mentioned- didn't mention your name. Didn't need to. They don't need to mention names to me. Once they tell me, I already know what they're talking about. I already know what they're talking about. So I still go get readings. Like when I go to Miami next time, I go to my godmother. See this is the reason- I should do a thing on my head overnight. I still follow it. This is the reason I still follow it. You were asking me why I would still follow it. It's because once you get to an understanding of the idea that there are certain spirits within you and the Orishas represent different spirits, once you understand that, that's not something you throw away. Even if you don't follow the religion anymore, you still have belief in that. You still believe in that. So my Orishas, Eligua, Eligua is the saint- he's a trickster. Eligua is a trickster. He plays little tricks. And also the saint of passages. So people put Eligua above their door because you're passing from one room into another room. And so you identify with that spirit and that becomes part of your identity. And you can't whistle in the house. What? If you have Eligua, you can't whistle in the house. Yeah, I don't whistle. You can't go in the house because he'll leave. So you can't fucking whistle. What? You can't whistle? No. Wow. When I was a kid, I'd sit at the table and do- Yeah, you can't whistle. My mom would go, touch that fucking table and then I'd wake your fucking head because God lives in the table. Now Joe, I grew up in it. They made saint in me. When I made saint was in November and they did it up in the Bronx River. So they had to break the ice and they were dark skinned Cubans. And I'll never forget that they rip your clothes off and then they take whatever your saint is, they hit you with a number of water. So if your saint is five, you get hit with five things of water and they dry you up and you're freezing. And when I saw them rip my mother's clothes off, I was about five. I'm like, fuck you black motherfuckers. And I started running down Bronx Boulevard. They had to chase me and bring me back. I didn't want to do it. It's an all night ceremony. All night. It's an all night on a Friday. It's crazy. All night on Friday. 12 hours long. Oh my God. You sleep and then Sundays when they read your future to you. And then for a week you just live in a corner, white, they paint your head, you're bald. So I had to go back to school on Monday bald with a hat. They said he's not allowed in here with a hat. My mother gave the principal a small nickel and I was allowed to wear the hat from nine to three. But then at three o'clock I had to go home and change into white clothes for a year. Not allowed for a year. I had to dress in white. For a year. A year. So for my cause I would just have to wear white underwear, white socks and white t-shirt because I was a kid. I keep wearing fucking white every day. I'm ripping shit. So now your hair has to grow back. So when I walk into it, there's a ton of Santeria in LA. Really? I don't deal with it at all because it's all the same thing like everything else in LA. It's a bunch of white people who didn't grow up and there's a hot black guy and they want to really just suck his dick. He's telling him about spirits. I saw a video today. I saw a video today. I don't like shame on them. It's all confused. Look at those white chicks that suck that Hindu dick when they go to hot yoga. You know that guy that's some guy that he got? Bikram is a pig. He got a bunch of white chicks with hummus flavor in their mouth from sucking that Bikram dick. He gets to me inside. You suck that fucking dick. That smells like hummus chips. That's what it is in LA. I've been invited to two parties. First time I went, you know who's in there? Who? The dude from that plate Idi Amin. Who the fuck played Idi Amin? Forrest? Forrest Whitaker. Forrest Whitaker. Big Santorilla. Is he? Big. Really? To chick that one Miss America for eating pussy from behind. She's in the Santorilla? They're all in the Santorilla. Oh, Vanessa Williams. Vanessa Williams. Yeah. Wow. It's not my Santorilla. I grew up in a Cuban Santorilla. You shut your fucking mouth. It's a different Santorilla because it's African but it's not Cuban. You shut your mouth. Is it Mexican influenced? No, no, no. It's white influenced. It's just white. It's watered down. I love it. Oh my God. Let's dance to the spirits. Look at that. Look at Forrest. It's very watered down. Yeah. And look at the guy from Danny Glover. Danny Glover. The Forrest Whitaker dressed up like fucking monks. That's crazy. Yeah, I don't do. I don't pop a plate. That's hilarious. I came up under the very strict shut your mouth. Nobody needs to know your fucking business. Look at these two. They're playing a role. It was his step and this is what it is here. It's more of a, you know, like whenever I, the guy that I, the guy that gives me the reads is tremendous. I'm going to tell you this man to man. Tremendous. Really? Tremendous. I even took Duncan to him. Tremendous. You took Duncan to him? Oh yeah, I took Duncan to him. Oh Jesus. We had him on the podcast and everything. The problem with him is I don't like his, the people around him. Yeah. I mean, I don't like the people that don't know. When I joined this, I knew what I was getting myself into. Right. You know what I'm saying? Like I knew. I knew. I liked it. I had nothing to do with my mother. It was to do with my godmother and it was my relationship with her. In fact, my mother couldn't even say shit to me in front of my godmother. When, when in 85 I, I, when, when I moved in with the benders, I couldn't bring my Santa Ria shit with them. They're fucking Italians. So I left it with this gay guy named Martin Defag. I think I'm Maricom. He sold Coke at night. He was a seamstress in the daytime for a big New York play. But when I was a kid, he would go to CBGB's every night and sell Coke. All these fags walking around today should give thanks to Martin. Because he was getting his teeth knocked out and black eyes back in the 70s because he was gay. But I liked Martin. I ended up, I left my Saints with Martin. And then years later, I ended up robbing Martin. In my cocaine fucking hell. So my godmother asked me in 90 and 85, where's your Saints? I go there in Martin's house. She goes, you know, you're not supposed to have your Saints at a gay man's house. I'll go get them. Listen to me. I never saw my godmother again after 95. I did a, I talked to Duncan about Santa Ria and some company approached me from London. And I did the Santa Ria podcast and I got an email on Twitter. We know who has your Saints. They're in Miami. 34 years later, I flew to Miami. I got my Saints. You flew to get them. I flew to get them and I shipped them back. You know how my godmother got them to Miami? Out. On a bus. Whoa. So six cases on a bus with all your future and your stuff. I got my notebook. And if you look at my notebook, I'll bring my notebook next time. And you read and you'll go, Joe, pay new shit. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you. I'm going to pay you.