Joe Rogan - I Didn't Get a "Birds and the Bees" Talk

If you tried to ask me, you know, what happened when you and this girl were making out in the backseat of a car 35 years ago, like good luck. I Don't know. Yeah, there's a few moments. I remember Remember like very few sexually cars from high school, but I remember my girlfriend, but I know they were consensual Yes, they're all that's my central But my girlfriend gave me a blowjob on the porch and I came so hard my ears rang and it's never happened since Never happened since I peaked when I was 16 years old. I nutted so hard. It was like The best like literally my you remember the best blowjob you've ever had I wasn't beating off back then I was I actually had Sex before I jerked off Shut the fuck up. Yeah, really? Yeah, I did and it's not like I had sex really young either How old were you when you when you first fucked? I think I was 16. How old were you Jamie? Nine you fuck machine In Catholic school just lifting up skirts and just send it at home You know Jamie's got the biggest dick over at st. Peter's Hey, no, seriously, how old were you do you know? Yes, 16 17. That's right. That's average ages man with The guy's balls that's the real not gay poor bastard. There's a bunch of those guys to get elephantitis of the balls I guess they just don't want to get their balls cut off That was like a Halloween costume that was that's a parry But there's some some men who really do have those but look at that guy that guy's naked That's a sack. Wait a minute. So tell me you fucked before you ever jerked off And and and and and and so then when you jerked off which is I don't recommend because I had zero control I was just gonna say was stuck in a blood. Yikes. I Mean I've I remember the first time I had sex without without like raw without a condom was was my brain was like All right. There's a strategy to this. You got to be able to last that out the window the moment. It was just like Yeah, the first time I ever orgasm was a girl jerking me off Fuck yeah, well, I guess mine was jeans Robin mine was a dry humping Jamie. You did a bunch of that shit you dry Huh? Yeah, I'm not from dry humping. I probably had like a little bit my underwear You know, like I used to have a bit about that like like you ever take your underwear off and there's a stream of Sperm that's somehow they're from the tip of your dick to your underwear. Like what the fuck is this? I go That's those green beret sperm that live around the tip of your dick with a knife in their mouth Don't give a fuck about your plans for the future. Those are the ones that get people pregnant Yeah, they just ready to go Let's go This is pussy let's go they're over They hit that underwear because sometimes you find pre-cum in your underwear. You're like, what is this? Oh, yeah What's happening here pre-cum is the strongest come that is that is the most potent. Yeah, that's not savages Yeah, the hordes barbarian hordes Fucking swords and shit pre-cum is like the good the what is it the green berets or whatever? The green beret what's because my regular come is like the Navy reserves. Yeah, like Coast Guard They might come out you guys gonna make it not the disrespect the Coast Guard Thank you boys, but women. Yeah, man. I mean I Didn't get any birds in the bees talk. Did you what not even remotely fuck my parents? No fucking way I don't think they even really did it in school. Maybe it's like No, man, I think it you know, you know Do you want to know what I got? You want to fuck it? This is how my this is my father embarrassed the shit out of me I don't know if I've told this on this thing But the most embarrassing thing my father did to me we were eating dinner when I first started jerking off and figuring it out And shit, you know my dad at dinner in front of my whole my family My dad was like you've been spending a lot of time in the bathroom and my mom was like, hey Stop it And I was like These motherfuckers have been talking about me. They know I'm jerking off and they've had multiple conversations I know He must be whacking off again that little fucking hornball because I would I would lock the door and go in the I would jerk I'm the best way. I got a stomachache if my mother ever said they embarrass you. Oh my god in front of my fucking It's like my sisters there. I was like, oh my god, and my mom was like like that and my dad was like Oh, no, nothing nothing. And I just knew it was him taking it. You know what it was Now as a man, like I know that to my son, I'll take a shot like that too It was just a guy shooting like you would tell your son I know but I would shit on him a little bit too because it was funny. It was funny It was very funny in retrospect. It was like like he bought me a Kathy Ireland poster Do you remember Kathy? He bought me a Kathy Island poster and he was I don't see and he said something along lines of like Don't let this get stuck together and I was like, okay, but I know he's just like you'll fucking jerk off freak