Joe Analyzes Sumo Wrestling

Started with some sumo squats. Not a big deal. Oh wow. Why didn't sumo ever make it to America? Because we don't... We'd be fat, we like to wrestle. Yeah, but we were real wrestling. Our fat people are really lazy. Yeah, but sumo's cool. Our fat people like to move. Sumo's interesting. Yeah. It's interesting. I think we could dominate. An American guy won and they were all pissed about it. He became like the champion. I think it was a Hawaiian guy. That makes sense. Mmm, big people. Giant big dude, big Polynesian fella. He's seen the guy with the ukulele. Yeah, one of them fellas. Yeah, he's fat. Yeah, he's fat. Big giant, big bones, big fucking frame. You gotta be a big fuck. They eat so much. You watch those sumo wrestlers eat, it's crazy. Oh really? Oh my god. Because that's the whole thing. You gotta have mass. I think they get laid, like they're heroes. Oh yeah. In Japan it's a gigantic tradition. I mean just the rich history of it. It's a big deal over there. Yeah, that's gotta be fun though because over here you're trying to cut weight. It's all about cutting weight. Over there you're probably just trying to keep gaining it. Also you're wearing like this rope diaper. I don't like the diaper. Yeah. That people hang on to. I love the diaper. Hang on to someone's underwear and throw them around by it. Yeah. Very strange sport. It is a weird sport. It's just all wedgie. Right. I wonder if they've ever had matches between like really elite high level wrestlers, little big giant guys and sumo guys. Like I wonder who wins those, if they do sumo. I bet I love them. Sumo guys must dominate that. They know how to like, it's just linebacker shit right? Just going low and just people back. Yeah, but I would imagine they're like a really good agile like 300 pound wrestler. Might be able to. They do have some of those matches because there are some sumo guys that are like smaller. They look more like wrestlers. They're not big fat guys and they go up against the Yokozunos. Yeah. Because they've got a bad boy. What does Yokozuno mean? I don't know. That's a great name though. Their name is like the champion right? Let's see like what is the- That's like the mountain versus the guy from Dorne. Who's the best sumo wrestler today alive? Yeah, we go. Who's like the fucking John Jones of sumo wrestling? There's got to be somebody. John Jones is the best. It's hard to argue. He never got taken down. It's like it's Mighty Mouse. Mighty Mouse just won the championship, won the rematch and got his title back. Yeah. Mighty Mouse is the fucking man. He's good. He also put it on the line more than John Jones. I wouldn't say that. I would say John Jones put it on the line with everybody that was against him in his division. He just had less fights I guess. He just had less fights I guess. He likes the lines. Not that he had less fights. It's like who doesn't? John Jones cleaned out his fucking division. You can't say any ifs ands or buts about it but Mighty Mouse was less recognized because he was small. So these are the best guys right now? These guys are thin. Oh shit. This is thin in America. Oh don't even help the guy up. No, he's like fuck you bro. Oh they're bleeding. You never see the bleeding. Oh wow. What happened? Smash heads. Is that what it is? Yeah. He went nose to forehead right there. See this is awesome. Slap the face. We should do this here. Oh this is crazy. Oh you're done dude. You know you're done. Oh he caught you slipping. Boom. Wow. And you land on the ground. There's not even a cushion there. Yeah why not make it all even. They're supposed to throw you down. Like that's part of the thing. It's like the indignity of falling. I love it. I love the diaper. It's so traditional. Oh he slapped him. Slapped him. How hard can you slap? I don't know that's neat. No but this is what I'm saying. How hard are you allowed? Yeah look at that because otherwise. Oh he tried out with a lady in the front. She shouldn't be there. She shouldn't be there. Get out of there with your phone. She was looking for their phone. Her shoulder is probably fucked. Show it again. Show it again. That lady's, her shoulder must be fucked. Watch this. That's a man. That's a man. That's a man. That's a man. Look he's got a bald spot. Yeah you don't want to be broke. Watch what happens to his shoulder. No more mayonnaise jars. You will never open up a mayonnaise jar with that harm. Badass. Yeah these guys are huge. Giant. Giant. They're like. They're beefy. They're strong as fuck. They're tanks. Those score seven trees to two bushes. So these are the best guys huh? These are the best guys? They're not as big as I remember them as a kid. This one guy. There's the best of all time. There are big guys. The best sumo of all time. Oh. So. Oh. That was slick. That fat guy is slick. That's what we call a swim technique. I bet they're slippery too. Those Asian hairless cleats. Look at that. He's like a seal. They probably have some very specific rules. They just let them go? Like you're probably not allowed to grease your body. Oh sure. Shoulder right to the face. Oh man. He knew he was dealing with a chump. Johnny we gotta adopt this. Although you can just see this as an eagle's knee. He's doing a chump. Yeah this is just awful. I'm sorry. That guy is like the number two in the world. He's clowning him. Two guys tailgating. He was clowning him. Well he was definitely beating him with strategy. Now what do they make a year? Because they gotta be some diabetes and stuff going. It can't be good for you right? No. To be that big? It can't be great for you. I heard they eat once a day. What? Just crazy once a day to get the metabolism down. Look at this guy. Ten thousand calories. This guy fucking rules. He got the rings. What are we talking about? He could take a punch. I wanted that outfit from the right. Look at his forehead. Look at this. Oh he KO'd that dude. Wow. Show that again. Show that again. Oh he elbow'd him in the face. I don't know he KO'd him. Do that again. One more time. I gotta show it in slow mo. That is. I'm telling you. Is that legal? That's underrated. Oh that forearm shot to the jaw KO'd. I love the referee too. Oh my god that dude is KO'd. A hundred percent. I didn't know this happened. Wow. I'm telling you Sumo. Is he gonna try again? This is cool that I remember. Bring it here. Watch this. Here's slow mo. Oh that's. Wow. That should be illegal. Why not? It should be legal. That's awesome. I thought he was just pushing out. I thought he was just pushing out. Elbows and shit. It's your forearm. Maybe it's okay to push with your forearm. That is one hundred percent of strike. That's like some Muay Thai shit. Wow. That's some Leon Edwards shit right there. So fast. I love it. That's elbows. Look at these guys. I like how they're backstage dingy. That's a special skill to hit people with your elbows. That guy moved. Oh a nice flip there.