Is Beto O’Rourke For Real?

Social Security cats. I always bring my passport as well. Just in case? Yeah, just in case. That's smart. Yeah, but also clear. Clear is the shit. I know we walk right through it's the best. Do they do your fingerprints? Picture comes up, you are clear. You are clear. Thank you. And then you go on through, the people are super friendly, they walk you all the way up to the guy or the gal who's working there, they wave at you, everybody walks right through. And I have pre and TSA pre. Yeah. TSA pre and clear. Oh, so nice. Well, you don't travel international enough to have global, right? You don't have global. I have that too, bitch. Why would you do it? Why wouldn't I, bitch? Do you go to the country? Shit. I've been on the country every fucking year for the last 15 years. I know, but does everybody in your family have it too? Yes. They all gotta have it. Bitch. Yeah. Come on. Global clearance. Come on. I don't fuck with that. Come on. You don't fuck with global entry? I don't have it. Global entry gives you free TSA pre. How about that? I already got the TSA pre. You didn't even know that. I didn't know that. You get one, you get both. I don't know how many states have this, but being at the DMV the last few days, real ID is a new thing coming through some states. And if you want to travel domestically, you have to get a new ID. What? Or your passport. You can't just, oh, oh, I already have the passport. But that's the fly from here to Ohio. You need your passport for that. You're gonna have to have a passport if you want to go to Vegas. Shut up. That's so dumb. Or get this new version of the California ID. Like, you have to go give another whatever. Big brother wants it, baby. Just put something in my arm. Just give me my ID and my arm. That's what they want. Fuck yeah. They want you to give in. Let them do it. Oh my God, I can't believe this. I gave in when I bought this tracking device that's listening to me 24 hours a day. Your phone? Yes. What are you doing at the phone? What's the worst thing you do that that phone picks up? Talk shit. But that's normal. That's normal. You're a professional shit talker. Do you think that's so funny? There's a file of all the shit talking. What if they log your shit talking? Sure they do. Yeah. Sure they do. One day you're gonna say something bad about the government. They're gonna pull you aside. I say so many bad things about the government. I'm gonna say, President Elizabeth Warren is gonna bring you into a room. Shut your mouth. She's gonna show you all the things you've done. It's gonna be Peter Buttigieg and you know that. Peter Buttigieg. What is that? Some governor from some local South Bend, Indiana. He's like, we got a fag running in the office. He mayor Pete. What did he say? Some homo. We got some homo running for president. Who said that? Some dude. It's a local government thing. Did he? Yeah. He was all mad. He's like, and some woman left. He was like, I'm so offended. He's not even doing a good job as mayor. That's ridiculous. No. Yeah. Remember when there was a cop that shot someone and his response was inadequate and so they had all these fucking people saying, how the fuck are you running for president while you're the mayor? Damn. Which I don't understand either. No. I don't understand how the fuck you could have an incredibly time consuming taxing job like being the mayor of a major city. Not major, but it's a city. A city. There's a few people living there. You're supposed to be running that and you're also running for president? It sounds like you're slacking. Yeah. It's like if you had a job and you were the fucking CEO of whatever fucking Heineken, right? And then in the meantime, you're out there campaigning to be the CEO of Budweiser. Yeah. Heineken will pull you over. Hey fuck face. Hey, talk to you for a second. What are you doing? What's up? You're not even here. You're eight hours out of the fucking week. You're off going, doing Budweiser shit. Yeah. Yeah. But that's a great gig. Budweiser gig. That's a really good gig. I like to keep the Heineken gig while I try to get the Budweiser gig, if you don't mind. If you guys are cool with it. I hope you guys are cool with it. Bud, did you find it? You laughed. Even more. Look at that. Wylie Spread Video, a community commissioner, county commissioner, Warren Hearst, can be seen giving minutes long speech against what he sees as an American changing, America changing towards liberal values, arguing to make his jurisdiction a gun sanctuary, meaning that resources would be diverted away from enforcing certain gun laws. Whoa. In the speech, Hearst lamented, what we got running for president in the Democratic Party, saying that better candidates could be found in jail. He continued, we got a queer running for president. If that ain't about as ugly as you can get, referring to Budweiser. We got a queer running for president. If that ain't about as ugly as you can get. What do you think would happen if you became president? How bad would the homophobia be in this country? Through the fucking roof. Through the fucking roof. Holy shit, it'd be endless. It would be worse for gay people in the short run. Yeah. Right? Yeah. It's like the homophobes would make, they would be so adamant, it would be so, it'd be dangerous for Budweiser. Budweiser. Budweiser would set it up, but he doesn't have a fucking snowball's chance in hell. I mean, he's not even remotely close. No. You know who kills me? Is that Beto O'Rourke? Beto O'Rourke. He seems like a joke. Like someone said, look, dude, here's the sketch. For the next 24 months, you are going to pretend you're running for president. And I just want you to skateboard and say a bunch of dumb shit. Speak Spanish. And you're going to be real clumsy with the way you talk about things. Tell them you're going to take their guns. Just say it openly. Say fuck the second amendment, I'm taking your guns. Me, Beto, Beto O'Rourke. I'm going to be Alpha O'Santino the next time I run. It's like, you know how Ali G, he has these characters. Sasha Baron Cohen, he has the fucking Borat character, he has the gay character. It's almost like a character. Yeah, like a fictional person. Like a super emo sort of... Sam Tripoli had a picture of Beto on his Instagram saying, don't ever forget this when this guy runs for president. It's him covered with letters, like letters all over his body. This is like vegan, feminist, and it's like writing all over his body. And I said to Sam, I said, is that really him? He's like, fuck yeah, it is. But I don't know if Sam really knows. Yeah, I was just going to say. I don't know if Sam's done any research. Sam and I have endless, endless arguments that go fucking nowhere. But it's so perfect. I almost hope it is him. I'm looking for that exact picture. The only thing I do know about him before this was happening was that he was known to be in this thing called the Cult of the Dead Cow, which is like a hacker group back in the day. Oh my God. Like one of our first hacker groups, you know, like when the movie Hackers or something like that, that time period, I think. It must come from that. The Cult of the Dead Cow. Oh, you mean covered with all the words? That's right. I don't know what the... No, it's like him in his underwear with writing all over his body. Did you see that they fucking changed the ABCs? Yeah, how'd they do that? Why'd they do that? Now it's not, you know, because our youth, you know, you learn L-M-N-O. So now it's not L-M-N-O. Why? They sing it L-M and they change the rhythm of the fucking song. Why did they do that? Because they don't want kids to say L-M-N-O to get confused that they are separate letters. I saw yesterday, who's the they that changed it though? I don't know. Like one guy recorded a new version of the song and it went viral. But it's all over the place. Who's the they that's getting confused? Is it going in schools? That's the only thing I know. I don't know. It's everywhere though. I don't know about that. But did you find the Beethoven thing? I'm looking for the picture. I don't know. I think I saved it in my favorites. I see a bunch of older pictures of them for back then that are... Have you gone Sam's Instagram? No, but did you save it on... Did you look at Sam's Instagram? Oh, that's fine. Yeah, it's on his Instagram, right. Or you could ask Sam to send it to you. I didn't have it in my favorites. I probably was so disturbed by it, I didn't make it a favorite. You know, it's Sam's wallpaper on his phone, I'm sure. Sam's wallpaper in his house. Send us. I don't see it on his Instagram. It's pretty far back. Okay. Yeah, it's like six months ago. Yeah, maybe too far back because he posts every day. It might not be worth it. I was just going to say. Just Instagram, Sam Tripoli, Beto. What a weird name too. Beto. Beto. It's so close to Beto. Beto O'Rourke. He seems like such a silly guy. And then that girl, Katie Hill, announced her resignment because she's getting harassed. She was banging a dude. And a woman. Yeah. Thrupples, baby. She was banging a guy and a girl? Yeah. Really? Well, the girl she openly admitted to, the guy she said was there was false rumors about their work sexual relationship, that they never hooked up at work or some bullshit like that. What's the problem? That her husband, that's probably part of it. That she's married. But that her husband, problem one, that he's being emotionally abusive to her by releasing all this information about her cheating. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah. He's being emotionally abusive. Imagine if it was a wife doing that about a male. Come on. No one would say that. You would never say that she's being emotionally abusive about her cheating husband. Nope. That's hilarious. But it's this article that I read said he's being emotionally abusive about her past, about her whatever, infidelity. Yeah, her infidelity. Right. That's hilarious. Because they got video. There's video of her. Of her banging girls and guys? Yeah, hooking up with these people and pictures and all this shit. A lot. Some comic had a funny tweet this morning that was like, the idea of a thrupple's kind of hot, but when you saw the picture of who she hooked up with, you're like, bummer. Well, sometimes. Sometimes it's better just than the imagination. I found the picture. Sam put update. I know this is not a real picture of Beto. Oh, he updated it. He updated it. I caught it before it was an update. I just asked him for it too. Damn it. He said, no, nevermind. Okay. That's not what I was going to think. I didn't think I was going to find that either. That's not what I thought I saw. Imagine if it was real. Put the picture up. Yeah, I want to see. I want to see it regardless. Put the picture up so triply. There. Look at that. Look, look, look, look, look. Found as atheist, vegan, naturist. Is that a word? Naturist. Ecologist, queer, slut. Mm. Okay. That's someone's boy. And that's not a real picture. It's a picture of someone, but not Beto. But of Beto. But it looks exactly like him. It looks a lot like him. I think triply thought it was him. He was hoping. In the old days, you could just say it's him. Yeah, what is it? Show a picture. I promise, man. You promise? I promise it's him. He's a... He's a... He's a... He's a... He's a... He's a... He's a... He's a... He's a... He's a...