How Matt McCusker Got Scared Straight


5 months ago



Shane Gillis

11 appearances

Shane Gillis is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special, "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube, and season two of "Gilly and Keeves," his sketch comedy series with John McKeever, is available now at

Matt McCusker

1 appearance

Matt McCusker is a comedian, writer, and proud co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast."


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I'm pretty sure anxiety and depression are baked into the human experience. I don't think you can get away from it Yeah, you sound like a good Catholic. That's what I'm saying, man. That's what being Catholic So I used to have wicked panic attacks when I was 23 and I was also a gigantic piece of shit And it was the thing that like made me start thinking about my life I was like shocking in my else's like oh, and if I had just gotten medication I just would have kept being a giant piece of shit. Mmm, so I'm always like making but sometimes you got to go through You know what I mean? Yeah, you gotta slal through that stuff. Yeah, I was a fucking how'd you pull out of it? Shit, I just fucking had to come to grips with the fact. I was gonna die eventually Like when you say a piece of shit you were just dude. I was just a wee monster, bro What were you taking? It wasn't even I was just what we doing just like selling drugs. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah I was a bad kid. I had no excuse I'd like you know, I wasn't like I was like my back to the walls It's like I just like got a couple jobs and like I don't like this. I was like, yeah, so drugs Drugs you selling pretty much everything really weed was the main weed was the mainstay But then I started like I got I got coerced in it I didn't even know what pills did so I was like my friends would talk me into going and like finding pills for them Turn into a whole thing dude. It was bad news. How'd you get out of it? Just stopped eventually It stopped it Thank You patreon No, it was I had like I didn't know what pills did and I remember watching a whole not even a hole But like it was an apartment complex and there's these two buildings full of like all these kids were living there There's a long story But like I somehow got my hands on like Watson pharmaceutical drugs like jugs of fucking it was there of like it ends And like they were just I didn't know I love that. I somehow got my hands Jugs something happens. How did that's never happened to me? On any jugs of my cabinet look at these jugs. I've ever seen What's a jug of I can and how many we talking dude It's you know when you're at the pharmacy and you look behind the counter. It's those big boys Oh like a whey protein bottle. Yes, like one of them big like scoop protein. Yeah, how much was that worth? At the time it was you go to jail. You're talking about this on the podcast. You're fucked. Yeah statue limitations What is the statue? I don't know Limitations But no that's basically a thing I was just a fucking That was the thing I do statute of limitations before the statute statute the French game assist I was laying in bed just going Having panic attacks, and it forced me to be like yes, probably pretty bad idea everything How'd you how'd you phase out of it? I just stopped it made me develop like a sense of like yeah This is fucking other people up and I like saw people getting fucked up And I'm like I'm gonna stop doing you kept getting robbed the gun point and I kept getting robbed the gun times You get robbed gunpoint twice whoa twice twice after the first time like this is never gonna happen again That's the first time I went back the plug robbed me a gunpoint and he's like I won't do it again I was like okay What's the plug dude who's your supplier oh Your supplier robbed you a girl. Yeah, it was like a it was kind of a mess He I would give him money and he would go get them and then one time he came back without them And he I was like dude just have them I was so scared of these guys And I was like you can just keep it all I don't care and he was like how do I know you didn't set Me up, and he's pulled a gun out on me, and I was like oh And my roommate walked down and went ah And he just wrote this right out, but Yeah, and so then you tried to buy from him again. No I told him he like time passed He's like dude. I'm so sorry. I found out who actually robbed me. He's like if you could come back I'll take care of you all about you know I'll make it worth your while, and I'll just you'll never have to put any money up ever again And then what happened I just went back so you know then he happened to just pull his gun Then apparently he got in trouble for I think he tried to shoot at somebody So I'm back to pay him back one time and then some guy was like nah He's in jail he tried to shoot someone, but he tried to you said he pulled the gun on you twice once a different guy pulled a gun on me You said he said he would never do it again. He didn't he was true to his word So that guy would never do it again. He was the other guy did it some other guy It was some guy. I was in a house and a guy came in with a gun. I was that stunk. What was this about? weed Pounds Give me your weed. Yeah He it was a kind of like one of those things were like a guy comes in he goes oh my god some guy happened to Be behind me with a gun everyone get down and I was sitting there like this is bullshit So then he like just took the money took like the weed and then he was like Just like who the fuck you know whoa boy started telling me like I was on his territories Then I was like dude come on man And I just sat there and he just talked for like two minutes And he's like if you guys try to look out the window we're gonna there's people outside They're gonna shoot you took all of her cell phones. I did have a thousand bucks behind my back though I didn't tell him about so I got to keep that That's very sweet that was pretty tight of people would have lost the composure thankfully that other guy pulled his gun on you before See or dude no what no what happens though is you lose? Everything slows down, and you're able to like I was in that the first time I just shit my pants the second time I was like Looking at the kid who I never met before who I knew kind of set this up because I watched one kid I knew like being a real state of fear And I watched this other guy pretending to be scared all all this guy in a ski mask was like whoa the gun And it was just like fuck I really like the part of my brain like I might get shot just went offline And I was able to watch and be like I'm gonna fucking kill this little motherfucker when this guy you know But and so how long after that did you stop a? couple years I Was chasing the bag dude I didn't make any money. I got robbed constantly. I was too trusting. I got robbed cons I got robbed by club one time club point sucked club these guys were like well. I was your man with the chalalies Violent he's a nonviolent drug dealer. Yeah, so how did you do it? Just start making money when you quit I always worked in construction stuff, too I'd always have a side gig so I never depended on one too much so I could always say like fuck you to my job But I didn't like it, and if I ever things got like weird. I could like I'm not gonna do I would chill Mmm, so I had I kind of like hybrid approach And how'd you get into podcasting? I was a comedian me and shame. We're just living together. I'm like dude Can we please do a podcast? I'm fucking dying here Yeah, I was just I mean yeah, I was what is it called getting in case we've got Matt and Shane secret podcast Yeah, man, that was uh It's not the way that was not the way no doesn't sound like the way But I was like I have to get some good stories out of it though, and you lived pretty good Yeah, pretty good, but I live I was living according to a fucked-up system And it was like things called mental disorders got me out of it. That's what I'm trying to say