Going Down on a Woman is On My Bucket List Nikki Glaser

I've never gone down on a girl, although it is kind of on my bucket list. It's on your bucket list? I want to be able to say I've done it. It's not something I crave, but I'm going to do it at some point in my life. Good luck, ladies. Whoever you are. I have my eye on a couple. Yeah. I hope they know. Do they know? Yeah. It's weird because I like... Do you not have like a male gaze, do you? What do you mean? Like you have your eye on them. Like if a guy has his eye on a girl, it could be creepy if the girl's not into it. Like, oh Jesus, here comes this girl. Oh, here comes Nikki trying to eat my pussy again. Fuck. I test the waters and I'm like, have you ever done anything with a girl? Because I've never even done anything with a girl. So I mean, I made out with my girlfriends in high school, but that was before I even kissed a boy and I just wanted to kiss anyone. You just wanted to try it. Yeah. But since then, never fooled around with a girl. But there's some that I'm just like, I can't help that I'm attracted. I don't consider myself gay, but I'm on the spectrum somewhere. I'm on that. I could do it. And then recently I've been like, yeah, I need to, I need to eat some puss. Because I've never done it and I expect men to do it to me. I think I should understand what it's like and be able to empathize. And... No guy thinks that is straight about sucking a cup. Yeah, I know. I know. Like, hmm, maybe I should suck a couple of dicks so I can empathize. Just because you could see what that's like. Just lick your own finger if you get some cum on it, just to experience it. Okay. Maybe. Maybe. But... What else is on your bucket list? I think that's it. It's kinda heavy. And I really hope that I get this accomplished before I'm like dying and like 88 or something and my grandkids have to like find a nurse to squat over my fucking bed. One thing. Or like you're old and rich and successful. Some lady does not want you to eat her pussy, but she does want a Gucci bag. I'll definitely be able to buy that bitch a Gucci bag. My face will look like one at that point. Yeah. Bucket list. Do you have any bucket list things? No. No? No. You've already done them all? Yeah, I don't have anything. Everything I'm doing I like to keep doing. I would like to be in a... I would like to be in love and loved back as much as I love. I would like to be in a loving relationship. At some point, it doesn't have to last forever. But I know that sounds like... Oh, it sounds good. Yeah, and I don't think it might not happen and I'm okay with that. Why wouldn't it happen? You're a nice person. Because I could die young. Whoa. All right, you could. I could totally die young. Yeah. We could all get hit in the head by a meteor. Right now something could have an earthquake. And then I would die without having a... Pussy. Pussy in my mouth. What about anything else? Or loving my heart. Loving you. Do you think you could ever be in a relationship with a woman? Yeah, probably. Really? Yeah. I mean, I really want a relationship with a man first. You and Lizzo? Yeah. Which takes you around with a dog collar on your neck. I mean, I don't want to be a sex slave. Only in the bedroom do I want to... I don't want to be one out and about. Not a sex slave. But in the bedroom, yeah, I'm down to be a fucking slave. This woman wrote me recently because she knows that I'm into bondage and stuff like that. Yeah, I saw that on your Instagram. Yeah, yeah. I dig it. Are you really? It truly is... I mean, I like it because it is forced laziness. Like I say in my joke. You can't do anything to a guy. And by the way, it's not that I don't like doing things to men. It's just that I feel like I'm not good at a lot of those things. I have bad rhythm. So like jerking guys off or like sucking dick. I'd rather you do it to me. Sucking dick makes sense. It's really hard for a guy to suck his own dick. But jerking off, I used to have a joke about it. Like having a girl jerk you off is like trying to brush your teeth with your left hand. Hilarious. No matter what. It's like you can't do it right. Yes. You ever try to brush your teeth? My right hand knows where every tooth is. That's so true. My right hand just fucking goes uhhhhhhh. Yeah, it knows. My left hand. I cannot. I gotta move my head to keep up with my brush. Yes. That's why I like when guys grab my head and just... Oh. Just force it in there. Take the wheel. Take the wheel. I don't know what you want. But I'm getting better at it. But I'm trying. I've had to like give some blow jobs just out of like I need to practice. When a girl can jerk you off, if a girl jerks you off she's really good at it, you're like Jesus. How many guys you jerked off? We can't win, can we? Why'd you get killed? No. You can't. No. I love that you... I thought you were gonna go no. You can win. You just go no. You can't. That felt really good. Thank you for acknowledging it. No, hand jobs I just uhhhhhhh. Well I feel like fingering too. Girls probably are like way better at fingering. No. Get in there. I love being fingered. God it's the best. Jesus. I love it. The difference between girls and guys is girls have smaller hands. Yeah. Like a man has like thick fingers. Like a mason. Like a guy who has a brick layer. Get them up there. I don't know man. Get them up there. Get them all up there. I don't mind it.