Nikki Glaser: I Don't Trust Ari Shaffir For a Second!

Yeah. Did you hear that Ari spiked Burt's drink with Molly? What? They did a podcast together and Ari dumped Molly into Burt's drink. Wait, is that why Burt's wife isn't talking to Ari anymore? Exactly. Wait, that's what? During a podcast, in his house, in Burt's house, with his family home. What? Ari is so crazy. I don't trust him for a second. I'm so scared of Ari Shafir. So crazy. I'm fucking crazy. I've seen him just like act, ask about my life and be like interested and I'll like open up to him and then he'll like use it against me later on. I'm like, this guy, I don't. Yeah. He'll just like store up things. Use it against you. Not use it against you. Well. To be funny. I think he's evil. Ari Shafir is secretly evil. Secretly evil? Yeah. For real? Yeah, I do. I think he's a good, I like him, but I don't trust him because I, because he spiked Burt's, he gave his friend Molly. That's not okay. It's not okay. But wait, that's hilarious though. Still hilarious. It's more funny than it is crazy. That's what he's trying to accomplish. That's what I do like about Ari. This is really funny. They were both on Molly because Ari took it himself. Okay. And then the podcast is going on and Ari starts dancing. He's like sort of dancing and moving and Burt's like, what do you want? Molly? He goes, are you? And then Burt's like, what? And then all of a sudden. And he realizes, like, what's going on? He realizes and then Ari's like, I put some in your drink. He's like, and he's home with his family. Okay. I kind of want Ari to spike my drink and I want that to be the excuse to do Molly. Ari? Ari? No. Do it. Don't do it again. Ari, you're going to get in trouble. I'm giving you consent to do it to me in a sneaky podcast. I think that'd be so fun. I always, Joe, that's my thing. I need an excuse to be bad. Like that's why I like bondage. It's like, oh no, like I can't do this. I'm forced to do this dirty thing. I don't really want to do this, but you're making me. I like how you're doing your show. That's why I did Dancing with the Stars. I'm like, you made me wear this swimsuit on TV. I cannot be a slut. What's the show work thing? It's just like helpless slut. Like I need an excuse to be bad, to be what I really want to be, which is high, slutty. Yeah. I mean, like the roast. Roast. It's an excuse to be mean. It's an excuse to be evil. Oh, okay. I had to do these jokes. You had to. What am I going to go to a roast and compliment everyone? I can't do that. So there's always, I had to. I get it. I get it. Well, you just gave Ari the excuse and believe me, he's going to capitalize on it. I really do want to do Molly. I feel like- Why don't you just do it with him? Oh, not with him. I mean, I guess I'm already asking to- someone recently was like- The face you made. You're like, not with him. No, I actually do. I would do it. Someone recommended him to be my shaman on a trip and I was like, what the fuck? I don't trust him to be my shaman for Ayahuasca. You could trust Ari. He's going to- Well, he's never done Ayahuasca. Well, whatever. Maybe mushrooms was like someone was like- You could trust him for that. To lead me up that mountain. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Look, you could trust Ari. Ari was just mad at Bert and it's not logical. It's not tenable. I don't agree with him. But he was mad at Bert that the whole reason why we do sober October was we were trying to get Bert sober and Bert was- we were worried about his health. Bert's ridiculously overweight and he's also on high blood pressure medication, but yet he still drinks every fucking night. We're like, this is crazy, man. You got to stop doing this.