Does Ari Shaffir Really Regret Dosing Bert Kreischer with Molly?

I'm thinking about moving to New York in December. Why? To work, I gotta come up with a new hour. Why do you want to move to New York and pull your kids out of school? No, no, just me. Move to New York for like two weeks and just fucking do... Two weeks though. Yeah, for two weeks. Just go for two weeks and do spots like crazy. Yeah. And write. You can do spots in L.A. and still see your family bro. Jesus, Bert. I like shaking it up, Joe. Shake it up. Shake it up. I've had that fantasy before. Yeah. I've had the exact same fantasy of doing that. The fantasy came before Ari drugged me because I was like, oh, it'd be so great to be with Ari for two weeks and just go do spots with him, Big J. He drugged. But... It would be cool. It would be cool. But you're not friends anymore, so you can do that. And you can't have more with that. Do you know how much I love Ari? That I have been damage control trying to take care of him in this? I do appreciate that. I really do. How do you take care of him by talking about it on a podcast? No. There was a part where I was like, I'm not going to talk about it at all. I was like, in my head... And when I asked you why you're upset, you're like, wait, we'll talk about it on the podcast. It's the first thing you said. I was like, it's got to talk about it on the podcast. During the weekend, I was like... Maybe I won't. I was worried about Ari. And I was like, I don't want... maybe I shouldn't bring this up because I don't think it's a good thing and I think Ari maybe regrets it, but... He definitely doesn't. Look at his face. He does not regret it, no. That's the real problem here, I think, is that I don't regret it. I think that is a problem. I won't do it again, but I don't regret it. Why do you not regret it for real? Why don't you regret it? It was all a safe. He's alive. Nothing bad happened and it was awesome. And he's alive. And his wife is mad at me again, but that's definitely not going to be the last time or it's not the first time. Hmm. That is unfortunate, but worth it, I think. Great time. I would love to see a video of Burt, like, kind of him realizing it. I have it. Really? When you realize it's like kicking in? Yeah. I remember. I can't tell you. I can't tell you. Oof. Oof. I saw it today because I'm debating whether to release that podcast, but I saw it and I see it in my eyes, I go back to that fucking moment where I'm like... When you realize it. You're out of control. It's like getting strapped. I remember because it's strapped into one of the fucking hot rods, the fucking jet-fueled ones, and they strapped me in super tight, and then they strapped my hand so I couldn't touch anything. And I remember I couldn't get out and I had a panic attack. I said, I'm going to be here for a while. And I was like, because they were like... And I was like, I need to get out right now. I need to get out right now. And I had to get out. It was when I was doing a travel channel. What were you on? The second he gave that to me, I said, I can't get out of this. That fucking panic. I go, I can't fix this. And then it overwhelmed me. That's how I feel when I take mushrooms. It overwhelmed me and I thought, what if I don't like this? What if I don't enjoy this? How do I stop this? I can't stop it. No. That's a fucking... That's a panic attack right there. But luckily it was a very... Molly's a really interesting drug. It'll fight for you. It'll be an advocate. Molly was like, don't worry. Your cousin's here. Rub his back. Can you do Molly? Because you did that to him, do you think we could allow him to do Molly in October? I would say okay. Do you want to do it? No, I'm not doing any Molly ever again. Oh, okay. Ever? No, never. What about November 1st? Dude, you should have seen... I was... Here's what sucked about it. As soon as he gave it to me and I felt a kick in, I went, I don't want to do this podcast. I want to go for a walk. Yeah. I want to do... I want to go dance. I want to listen to music. I want my children and wife not to be here. I want to not have to explain the situation to my wife. I want to not have to be on a plane. So like, I don't know, maybe I would do Molly in the future if it was like an awesome concert or something in Vegas or something cool. Hell, yes. Sounds awesome. Right, like Britney Spears or something? That'd be good though. Dude, I would do Molly and go to Britney Spears for some wonderful fucking show. Yeah, for sure. You remember all the lyrics, all the songs from before? Dude, you better work, bitch. Yeah. I'd go to Taylor Swift. The best was that... So I started dancing a little bit because I knew I was taking it, so it was like embracing, kicking in, and he just goes out of the blue, and he goes, are you on Molly right now? And I just go, are you? And then we just get... He was like, I don't know what that was. Oh my God. How often do you do it? How often do you do it? I do it when it's the right time. I went to see Mighty Mighty Boss Stones in New York at Webster Hall. I did it that night. You know you're an adult, right? Yeah. What are you doing Molly for? What do you mean? You know why? Because it feels good. It feels great. Yeah, but he's got... First of all, his balls don't work, so he can't make babies. He had them snipped, so he doesn't have real... I did have my balls snipped off. He doesn't have real responsibilities. None. I think if you have more... I have the right moment. You don't do it all the time, just in the right like music show. Molly, how often is that? Probably three times a year, four times a year. Oh, okay. That's not bad. Yeah. Festivals, occasional birthdays. What about folk? Maybe twice a year. Twice a year you do coke? I'm not that into coke. Coke's awesome. Really? It's just when it's around, it's all anybody's doing. I guess there was real emotion behind that. Just fucking the world. Yeah? When was the last time you did it? It's been a long time. I did it on accident one night. Accident? Yeah, my buddies had that bullet where you load it and then flip it and they had a little bump for you and you just can hit it and they couldn't figure out how to work it and I'm watching them. I was getting ready to go to a spot. It was when I was in New York. I was watching them. I go, guys, you're doing it wrong. Give me the fucking thing. I go, you take it, right? Then you load it. Then we hit it. You got to hit it. And I went, oh my God, I just did coke. And they were like, oh, what are you going to do? I was like, the other fucking nostril. I don't want my hands to be numb. You kidding me? I used to do coke a lot in New York. And then you went on stage? And destroyed. Joey says that coke fucks his comedy up. I thought he said it made him good. He might go a little deeper than a bump. Joey said that it takes away your heart. It takes away the heart. Imagine him, though, like if you go, like, let's really do some coke tonight. It's not a lie. He's probably just the whole bag. Yeah, the machine gun comes out. He goes crazy, man.