Corpse Flowers and Other Oddities w/Michael Malice | Joe Rogan

Tarantula hawk wasps. Yeah, they're like... That big fucker that Maynard sent me. So this is one of the... there's a guy who made a scale, right? And he got stung by all the different insects. And this is, I think, five. There's also a five plus. They're very hard to get you to sting them. There's a guy who online goes through and gets them all stung. But the reason they're so dangerous or so venomous, what they do is they sting the tarantula, lay their eggs inside the tarantula, and then the tarantula is eaten alive by the offspring for weeks. And then when this was discovered, this kind of stuff in the Middle Ages, they were like, this is a big theological dilemma because why would God make this happen? Yeah, why would God do that? Nature is... I mean, I could go down this rabbit hole for hours. Please do. Yeah, I mean... Have you seen that gigantic flower that they found that smells like shit? So one of the cousins to that flower is called something infanticida. So the insane thing about that flower, Raphlesia, it's the largest flower in the world, it only lasts two weeks. Yeah. But the plant... It's a parasite. Right. So the plant that it comes from has no stems, roots, or leaves. So you can't keep it on display because it is entirely inside another species of vine. Yeah, it's completely parasitic, right? Yeah. It just sits there. It's fucking huge. Look at that thing. They call it corpse flowers because they smell like rotting flesh too. How weird. And they don't know why it's so big. It gets to trap rats. That's what I would imagine. No, it does. It's not carnivorous, it's the flower. It gets sneaky. Yeah. They're adapting, bro. That's what it is. They get ready to eat people. Look how big they are. They're gorgeous. They are beautiful. Oh, wow. Look at that one where the guy's got his hand on it before it blooms. So that's what it looks like sitting on the ground and then it pops open. That's some fucking avatar shit right there. So I have something from the island of Socotra, which is in Archipelago near the coast of Yemen, called Duval Yandra, D-U-V-A-L-I-N-D-R-A. And their flowers look and smell like meat. Whoa. Because you want to attract flies. And the hotter it gets in the house, the more the flower smells. It's really cool when you get it to bloom. So it's actually heat activated just like rotten food would be. Yeah. Whoa. And it's a trick to flies because flies are going to be attracted. There it is. That is banana. There, number seven. Wow, it's so beautiful. That one's just right there, James. You see that in the second, the third one on the left. There, that's it. You can look at the texture. Wow. And it even has hairs to replicate a wound. It looks like a blown out butthole. Yeah. But from an alien. Oh, there is a butthole. Like with a little dot in there. Oh, there is a butthole that smells like shit. If you look up white slonia, white S-L-O-A-N-E-A, it smells like an asshole and has hairs that wriggle in the wind. Oh, gee. And it's to replicate an asshole. Oh, sorry. What was that again? W-H-I-T-E-S-L-O-A-N-E-A. White slonia, named after white and slone. It's from Somalia. Oh my God. Yeah, look at those flowers. Oh, God. How weird. Just the sheer variety and that smells like a butthole and has hair on it. Yeah, and the hair moves. My friend calls it God's mistakes. The sheer variety of nature is so weird. Isn't it great? I mean, we're just, I mean, that's not unusual. If an asshole's not unusual, and every animal has an asshole, why is it unusual to have a plant that looks like an asshole? And we have the expression, you attract more flies with honey than vigor. But it's also like a pig to shit, a fly to shit. You're going to have flowers that smell like shit. Yes. And there's a lot of them. There's a whole family of them. And they're gorgeous. Yeah. They smell. And when they pop open, they fart. It's like a fart because it's contained, and then it pops open. Oh, so like the gases come out of it when it pops open. Yeah. It releases a dose. Yeah, look up the biggest one, Staphylia, S-T-A-P-E-L-I-A. Are there any plants that have the same effect on people that like, you know that one, well, it's not even a plant actually, it's a fungus. There's one branch of the cordyceps mushroom that infects ants and gets into a spleode. I'll make some insane. Yeah. So that they spray the spores everywhere. They die, it grows inside of them, then literally explodes out into the air so the spores will infect other ants. Well. So when ants find out that one of their members has been infected, they'll take that ant way out of the community. Like, wait, they'll take them on a walk. Yeah. Because they know somehow or another that this thing is going to blow up on all their family. They took, they had found footage of this and literally like the mushroom grows out of the ant's head and then it pops out. Yeah. Things that they're learning now about nature controlling the minds of other beings, which is really a recent kind of discovery and really. Like Fox News. Right? Yeah. Fox News, am I right? That's more like faux news. Am I right? Yeah. That sort of parasitic relationship. One of my favorite ones ever was the grasshopper that gets infected by this aquatic worm. The aquatic worm gets it to commit suicide so that it can give birth to this worm. It literally gets into the wiring of the grasshopper's brain and convinces it to jump into a puddle. What about the louse that eats fish's tongues and then becomes a functional tongue? And becomes the tongue. Yeah. Fuck. So there's a lot of this kind of crazy stuff. My understanding is the majority of species are actually parasitic. Really? Yeah. Because it's so much easier to be a parasite. Latch on. You're getting nutrition. You don't got to do anything. You don't have to hunt. You don't have to graze. And you're just set. Well, that's also just obviously parasitic. If you want to think about it, most organisms are semi-parasitic in that we need other organisms in order to survive. You know, like if you're a farmer, I don't want to say you're a parasite if you're a beef farmer. There's a headline. Beef farmers are parasites, says Joe Rogan. 2020 is going to be tough for you. I mean, you're kind of living off that organism. Well, yeah. And the other thing is if every species has several parasites, think how many we have, lice and lice. It makes sense that the majority are going to be parasitable. Even at the micro level, you get down to our gut. Oh, yeah. All the different bacteria that's on your skin. We're filled with stuff. Yeah. It's really fascinating how clever many of these organisms are. Yeah. It's a trip. It's a weird thing to be a person, my friend. I wouldn't know. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, yeah. I agree. I'm just curious how we're finding out things that are even crazier and crazier. Right now, they're doing a lot of deep sea exploration. And the things at the bottom of the ocean are just like, what is this? You saw that deep starya thing? The jellyfish that looks like a lava lamp? Yes. So it's just like, what is this? Pull up that fucking thing. Yeah, deep starya? Yeah, that's one of the more amazing things about the bottom of the ocean, right, is a bioluminescence we see. Oh, yeah. These creatures that have a light source, they give off light. Well, there's also dragonfish use a red light source because red doesn't show up for others so they can see with it, but no one else can. It's like night vision. Oh, yeah, this is the one. Oh, that's so crazy. You saw this? Yeah. This is just amazing. Oh, it's so cool. That's so pretty. And what's amazing is how they're freaking out. The scientists are watching it. They're like, what is going on? Oh, I love this thing. Look at that thing. And it also has a parasite on it or a symbiotic relationship. There's a copepod living inside. Resident isopod? Is that what that is? Fuck, look how pretty that is. Now, this thing has never seen light for millions of years. It's the bottom of the sea. So the fact that it knows how to react or is having a reaction is pretty cool. Just the fact that that's a real thing that exists. If we found out on a planet somewhere, we would freak out. This is the overlord. This is the overmind of the planet. And it's in a gelatinous form and it communicates to you with vibrations. This is why my autism wouldn't let me watch Star Trek as a kid because I knew about all this stuff. And then I'm watching Star Trek and they're going to another planet. It's like a guy with a blue face. And I'm just like, this is stupid. It's just a guy. It's just a guy. Whereas look at Earth. Look at this. Right. Look at an octopus. Yeah. You've seen the video of the octopus taking out the seagull. Oh yeah. What about the blanket octopus? What's interesting though is they saved an eagle. Octopus took out an eagle in Vancouver Island. An eagle? Yes, an eagle. And the fishermen pulled it ashore and removed the octopus from the noble eagle. But a seagull, they were like, sorry, bitch. That's a wrap. Well, they're nasty. They're thieves. Well, they are thieves, but I think that, uh, and they smell. Eagles are thieves too. We were talking about a company that has, uh, raises organic chickens that lost $2.2 million in chickens to eagles. They, they killed 160,000 eagles. Or excuse me, the eagles killed 160,000 chickens. Oh yeah. Okay. So here it is. The octopus caught a bald eagle. Why does that octopus hate America? Well, he doesn't. He's in Canada. Huh. So bald eagles live in Canada too. They're expats. They go over there to party and to have sex with underage eagles. They were draft dodgers. Yeah, for sure. There was bald eagles. There's no rules up there in that wild land to the north. But look at that. They decided to save the fucking thing. Isn't that weird? Oh my God. Wow. If you're going to save it, I think you should eat the octopus too, because you win. Yeah. The crew estimated the octopus could have been as large as 4.5 feet. Good. Everybody gets to eat. Yeah, that's a lot of meat. Don't let it go. Don't let it go. There's plenty of them things. Jack that fucker. That's a year long lifespan anyway. Does it? Oh yeah, you know the octopus life cycle? That big? Oh yeah. He only lives a year? Yeah. Oh, I definitely would have eaten it then. Yeah. It was zero remorse. Zero fucks. I would have been zero remorseful if I found I'd only lived a year. Yeah. And I'm like, look at him. He's got to be 11 and a half months. And they don't really feel pain. They can cannibalize themselves. They let their arms go when the female octopus tries to eat them. Yeah. Yeah. Female octopuses, this is one of my favorite parts about the animal kingdom. They pretend sometimes that they want to have sex with a male octopus, then they just jack them and eat them. What about the cuttlefish where they pretend to be females so they can get laid? Yeah. They're like beta males that are male feminists. Yeah. They pretend to be something unnatural. They pretend they're female. They pretend to be female. And then they fuck the females when the male's not looking. They have female mannerisms and characteristics just like these beta males. And they sneak up next to them as an ally. It's like, they get their rocks off. It's like every Washington Post reporter in Malus form. You said that, not me. Well, you're the one who said that farmers are parasites. But you do have an excuse because you claimed autism, which is a good move.