Comedy Central Censored Nikki Glaser's BRUTAL Caitlyn Jenner Jokes!

And I'm not immune to getting fucking cancelled. I'm sure I've said shit before that just waiting to resurface. Dude, you said shit on that roast. That could probably get me cancelled. Oh my God. I was scared to do the roast. I was like, this stuff isn't going to age well with how we're going. You know? Yes. It's scary. You went hard in the paint. Oh dude, I was supposed to go so much harder too. Really? Yeah, I had to cut a lot of jokes. Why'd you have to cut a lot of jokes? Because Caitlyn Jenner didn't want us talking about her car crash. So that was like the bulk of my material. Don't be here. I know. She didn't even know that it was possible that we were going to do that. Oh my God. I was like, because Comedy Central was... How would she not think that? I know. Comedy Central told me, they're like, listen, we don't think Caitlyn knows that those jokes are coming. And I was like, will you tell her or will someone give her a heads up? And they're like, we don't want to alert her because she might not want to do it now. So who decided to not do the jokes? I was doing the jokes around town to get ready for it. Like I was going like, Caitlyn Jenner, such a beautiful woman you killed with your car four years ago. You know, stuff like that. I loved you on Keeping Up With The Car Crashing. Just like different things. I love that you're a woman that can't mend straight yet you still managed to have blood on your hands. Like great jokes. Can't menstruate? You can't menstruate. Oh, menstruate. Menstruate. Menstruate. Yeah, you still managed to... Yeah, you can't get your period, but you still managed to have blood on your hands. And they were like my favorite jokes of my set. They did the best. I was working the set up for like a month before. Who told you to not do them? Well Comedy Central strongly advised me not to. They never said you can't. They've never said that to me. So why did you decide not to? Because Caitlyn Jenner heard the morning of, they had a call with her, the morning of the roast, that she had heard apparently someone's doing jokes about me and my car crash and if they do, if I hear a single... That was a very devastating thing that happened to that family and a woman lost her life. And if there's a joke about it, I will walk. That would have been awesome. That's what I told Comedy Central. That would have been awesome. Before I heard this, I was like, if she gets upset, because they were like, if she gets upset, there might be a moment where the cameras go to... And the problem is I was going first and I was doing all the jokes about the car crash. Now if I would have upset her first off, then the whole show is thrown off and it's weird in the room. I said, bad press is good press. It's going to get written up so much more. You guys, come on. You should have said, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And just went up and did it. I was going to joke. You shut up. Just don't put the jokes in the prompter because then they haven't signed off on it. I'm going rogue. You know? You're rogue. So go rogue. I like it. So I went up or so that morning I woke up and I was still kind of like, maybe I'll do a softer version of those jokes. I was going to mess, tweak them a little bit. I was going to say, Caitlyn Jenner, what a beautiful woman you accidentally killed with your... I was going to add the word accidentally. Yeah. Just to soften it and make it more factual. Yeah. Yeah. And then, Commie Center called and they said that she had said she'll walk. And that's when I decided I'm not going to do it. I don't want this woman to walk off stage. I don't want to really... I just think it's so strange that we're calling her a woman. Really? I love it. I love the chaos of it. I just love this woman. Oh yeah, it's not a man anymore. I'm so proud of myself when I don't even have to think about it anymore because for a while it was like, make sure you say woman, make sure you say she... It's the worst example of it because she's such a dummy. When she talks, it's like disappointing. I wish she had more insight on it. There's women that transition that are brilliant. The other day, just like dumb men begin to transition to women and then they're suddenly like these amazing women. Yeah, that's what he is. But they were like a dumb guy. Yeah, he was a dumb guy. He was a male Kardashian. And then all of a sudden he's like celebrated. Oh, the greatest woman of all time, a wonderful woman of the year, huh? You know what? But the best purpose that he serves, she serves for though, is Kyle Dunnegan's Instagram feed. Oh my God, so good. That's another thing that Comedy Central cut out. Comedy Central was doing a Kyle Dunnegan show where it was all like face swap shit. And he had a bit where Caitlin was fucking Donald Trump and she was on top of Donald Trump. It was goddamn hilarious. He was showing it to me. I was in the green room of the Comedy Store crying. I mean, crying like, and then he's like, Comedy Central cut that. I'm like, no. They said they can't do it. What? What are you talking about? You know. You've got a face swap show. No one was naked. She was just on top of Donald. Ryan was like, rrr. That show would have been so good. He's genius. He's genius. Genius. The funniest part, one of the funniest people I'll ever know. For sure, the funniest ever Instagram feed. Yes, agreed. For sure. Yes. His Instagram feed is a monster. I go to it every couple of days because it takes a while for him to create those things. Yeah, I know. I get so excited when he puts a new one up. Oh my God. Him and Tim Dillon on there make me laugh a lot. Yes. Yes. Tim Dillon's awesome. When he does Megan McCain. So fucking funny. Because Tim is gay because he's like this. He looks like he'd be a frat boy but then you find out he's gay. He's like, whoa, you can get away with a lot more. Yeah, he really can. He is great. And he's sober, which is crazy. This guy's got to be on hard drugs when he's doing that Megan McCain impression. Yes. What kind of drugs this guy on? And not just... You're so right. He's on air. He's just breathing air and drinking water. He's keto now. Oh, he's keto. Oh my God. Yeah, he's... Well, he got freaked out by a couple of people's health issues. What, he's got a new one? What is he doing here? Oh my God, this is so horrific. He's sucking his nipples. I want to thank Beachbody for making me their spokesperson. I've been using their products since the beginning. Yeah, I'm a triathlete. He's lost a lot of weight though. Yeah, good for him. He's getting slimmer. Good. Look at him, keto. So he got scared, you said? Well, yeah, I mean, you know, he's very heavy. He's a big guy. He's very heavy. And, you know, he just was realizing the fucking Megan McCain. Give me a Megan McCain. Yeah, please. Okay, as the only gal on the panel who held up a Boston market this weekend, I'm going to talk a little bit about guns, okay? A lot of people in the media have never shot a gun and they've certainly never masturbated with one. They're talking. They don't work. My guns are not for sale, but my pussy is. And the price is PF Chang's. My father and his friends used to hunt me in the backyard. I would run around and they'd shoot at me. And my father said, if we hit her, the only thing that's going to come out is whipped cream. He was hilarious. The AR-15 is the most popular gun in America. And it's the only thing that's ever made me cum. I like them and I put them in my pussy. You don't tell me what guns I can own or what people I can sell. He's fucking nuts. You know she's seen that. You know it. You know she's seen that. Poor Megan to have seen that. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. He's, yeah. He's, oh, we were talking about the, so anyway, I just decided not to do the jokes because I didn't want to upset her. And it was, it sucked because it would have been nice to know leading up to that. Right. Because I was preparing, but who cares? I just didn't want to, I don't want to make people feel bad. I'm going to walk. Come on. What do you expect? I mean you had Alec Baldwin's fucking daughter come up and tell jokes about what a horrible daddy is. I know. And you can't, you can't own up to the fact that you crashed into someone? Yeah. So what did, did you make any jokes about her? Oh yeah. I, I said, I just made fun of the fact that she was a terrible father at one point and like abandoned one of her families to go do a reality show. So I really leaned into that. She did? Yeah. She had Brody Jenner and a couple others. Who the fuck is Brody? Yeah. He's the most famous of her sons. Oh yeah. But she had a whole family before the Kardashians that like she didn't watch grow up even though they were just like down the road, down the PCH. Really? Yeah. Do you know that for a fact? Yeah. Yeah. It was like an episode of the Kardashians where she was like, I wasn't around for your lives. And yeah. And, but she was like so nice during the, when I was doing the jokes, she was like so happy about all the jokes about her abandoning her family. She was like, I love them. Oh, it's the death one that she has a problem with. Yeah. Yeah. Because that was, it was weird because it happened during the celebration of her becoming a woman. Yeah. She was right in the thick of the transition and they had a settlement. She settled. I think there was some kind of fault. Who knows? Who knows? Accidental, but she did not want to relive it. Who would? Right. But listen, I had a guy with my car once. Did you? Yeah. I almost killed him. It was terrible. Was he walking? No, he did not walk right after. I mean on the street when you hit him. Garbage man picking up, collecting across the street, jumped out from the car. Didn't see him. I was 16. Just had gotten my license and he flew up on the hood and flew into the grass. I thought I killed him and it was terrifying. And he sued me four years later, right under the statute of limitations. And I had to go to court and then it came out on the stand that he was a child molester. And so I won. Oh, yeah. I was kind of fucked. Karma. Yeah. Yeah. You're the right person. You picked the right fucking person to hit with a car. Holy shit. He's a child molester. Have you ever almost killed someone? No. No, luckily. Fuck. Fuck. That's crazy. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.