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Ali Siddiq is a stand-up comic, writer, and public speaker. His new special, "The Domino Effect II: Loss," is available now on YouTube. www.alisiddiq.com
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
The drones are the cigar choice, a short story.
And smoking cigars with D.L. so much.
I know a good cigar, Oliver.
That's a good cigar.
Yeah, this is solid.
I've had Cuban cigars, and I know they're supposed to be better,
and I believe they're good.
But I do not know if they're better.
I can't tell you.
You could lie to me.
You know, you could give me a good Dominican cigar,
and I'd be like, damn, Cuban, nice.
I don't know.
You know what you like when you like it.
Yeah.
Like, I like, I drink Cabernet,
and, you know, how they come to the table
when they tell you this valley and this and this is from this.
Yeah.
And I just said, eh, nine ounce.
And then, I like it, I like it, you know.
Yeah.
But, you know, other than that.
There was a documentary, I've talked about this before,
but there's a documentary called Sour Grapes,
and it's all about wine connoisseurs getting hustled by this dude
who figured out how to mix wine to make it taste like old wine,
and he put fake labels on them,
and he sold them for hundreds of thousands of dollars,
millions of dollars worth of wine this guy sold,
like bottles for a couple hundred thousand dollars.
And, unfortunately, he sold a fake bottle to the Koch brothers.
Oh.
And one of the Koch brothers,
someone was, like, going through their collection,
going, what the fuck is this?
And he's like, oh, that's a rah, rah, rah.
And they're like, no, it's not.
And then the next thing you know it,
he gets his wine examined,
and he's like, bro, you have a bunch of fake wine in here.
And then they find out this one dude
had been making these fake labels
and blending these cheaper wines together
to try to create a taste that's similar
to a really expensive wine.
That's ridiculous.
Everything that he went through,
he could have just made a wine.
You'd think so, but he made millions.
Millions and millions and millions of dollars.
To hustle people.
But he come from a criminal family.
Like, when they went into the whole family of it.
Like, the family, one of the brothers
had stolen a bunch of money out of a bank
and, like, hundreds of millions of dollars, right?
Wasn't it, like, some insane amount of money?
Do you remember that part?
And, you know, he's on the run.
He's hiding somewhere.
So, it's like the whole family's been con artists
their whole life.
And this guy just figured out a way
to get in with these wine people.
Because the way he did it was pretty genius.
First, he went and started going to auctions
and buying up really expensive wine.
So, he became known in the wine community
as this guy, like, oh, he knows.
He knows the wines.
He knows.
And then he said,
I'm going to get rid of some of my wines.
You know, I don't have too much wine.
Nowhere to store it.
So, I'm going to sell some of my choice wines
to, like, Sotheby's.
So, they would auction off some of his choice wines.
And then the winery found out.
And the winery's like,
we never made that label on that year.
Like, this is all fake.
It's wild, though, dude.
Because it's that thing.
It's like, people want exclusive shit.
Ah, Cuban cigars.
Ah.
With sneakers.
They find out some people are selling fake sneakers.
That makes sense.
It's like, I don't know.
You can make a sneaker, so.
Yeah, it's leather.
I mean, once you get past the printing of the soles,
everything else seems like you could kind of do.
The only way that you can make a shoe exclusive,
and this would be just utterly ridiculous,
if your shoe was put on the foot of the person that's buying it.
Right, formed.
Like, Ken Griffith Jr. stepped in your shoe,
or at least tried to put it on,
held it in his hand,
and then they sold it to you in Essex.
Because he dealt with the shoe.
Like, all these Ken Griffiths over here are regular Ken Griffiths,
but these are handheld Ken Griffith Jr. sneakers.
And you would have to have, like, chain of custody.
From Ken to you.
Where he's seen, where it's a photo of him with your, a video of him touching
your shoe,
putting it in the box, and then it's coming to you.
And maybe, like, signing his name on the inside lip.
Right, on the tongue, just a little bit?
Not, I wouldn't, I wouldn't even tell him what it was.
It would be something, like, they know when your shoe is authentic,
that you don't even know that it has.
Like, but you know, this is authentic, you got paperwork on it,
but what makes it authentic?
I don't know, let me see your shoe.
And then they turn around and they put some light on it.
And they're like, nope, nope, don't have it.
Like, then, yes.
Because people, I don't know.
I don't know.
It's like, what is exclusive?
What is exclusive?
Like, if you're sitting in first class on a plane,
are you really getting anything other than...
Getting a bigger seat.
Eh.
But you're paying sometimes, like, way more.
Like, what is it?
A coach seat can be $400.
A first class might be $2,000.
Yeah.
It's, and you go in the same place.
So if the plane went down,
like, do you live?
No, you're more likely to die.
The people in the back live.
Like, do people say,
ah, Joe, I thought you was,
I heard you was in a plane accident.
Everybody's like, yeah, I was in first class.
Like, why would I, why would I be dead?
Like, what?
There are bags everywhere.
It's like, like, you and eight people,
like, the plane had done all type,
all type of flips,
and it's on fire,
but y'all have no idea.
Y'all still in the, y'all still in the front.
Huh.
Something's going on out there, I think.
And then you, you get out,
you get out of a box,
a first class box,
and you're like, wow.
Didn't know all that was going on.
Everyone's gone,
and thank goodness this first class seat was available.
People love exclusivity, though.
They love to be above the herd,
above the crowd.
Look at me with my fancy clothes.
I said courtside once,
and realized that I had to walk up to get out,
and was pissed.
Like, all these days,
the further I started going down,
I was like, man, shit!
Like, I gotta walk back up that way to get out?
God damn it!
Why don't they have a courtside exit?
They do it!
Right?
That would be exclusive.
Real exclusive.
You go through the locker room.
Yeah.
Man, it was insane,
all the steps that I had to take to go do anything.
I was like, damn it!
I haven't gone to see a sporting event live in forever.
And then I went the other night
to an Austin FC soccer game,
and it's like 22,000 people in the arena.
It was great.
I never seen soccer live.
It was great.
Like, I appreciate it now.
I watched it on TV.
I'm like, eh, not enough action.
But when you're there live,
and you see how fast those guys run,
and how much skill involved,
and tactics, and strategy.
But God damn leaving is a pain in the dick.
When there's 22,000 people
trying to get out of the same two lanes,
you're like, oh, Christ.
And then there's a light up ahead.
You got to wait for the light to turn green.
Oh, fuck.
It's, um,
I thought of this.
Because I had this new special that just came out.
I thought as soon as it came out
that they was going to invite me
to a sporting event,
like to shoot the free throw if I'm on the list.
Throw the first pitch?
Throw the first pitch, shoot.
Because in Houston,
I see other people,
I see lesser celebrities,
shooting the free throw from the line for charity,
and I'll just be pissed.
Like, why haven't they called me yet to,
I'm on like special number four.
Like, what's the holdup?
Like, what's the holdup on,
who is not picking up the phone
for me to shoot this damn shot?
Do you have a publicist that calls people for that?
No.
I think that's what it is.
That's what it is.
The people that get that chase it.
They chase that shit.
Yeah.
They, yeah.
It's like Hollywood Walk of Fame,
like the star.
You could get a star.
You just have to pay for it
and have someone set it up.
Like, there's a lot of people
that have stars that are just,
you've never heard of them before.
They just paid for it.
Like, you just walk in like,
Yeah.
Who is Rudy Jackson?
Exactly.
Exactly.
It's not a joke.
Like, what did he do?
And he like right by the Starbucks.
You just, you see?
Walk down Hollywood Boulevard.
And then you find out
that the homeless person down the way
is Rudy Jackson.
You're like,
I used to be great, man.
And then back,
back in the day,
I was Samuel Jackson stunt double.
Exclusivity is a thing, man.
It's like,
people pay for fake exclusivity.
There was just a bust.
They busted,
they said it was
$10 million worth of fake Rolexes.
And I'm like,
well, if they're fake,
how,
they should be worth nothing.
Right?
Like,
what you,
are you busting me for trying?
Right?
I'm the real loser here, sir.
The thing about a fake Rolex is though,
they can make a fake Rolex
exactly like a real Rolex.
Exactly.
Because they use 3D printing.
So what they do is
they'll take a model,
like a,
they'll do a computer model
of every single part in a Rolex.
They'll take it apart
and then they make
a duplicate version of it.
Every part.
Everything.
Every screw.
Every little wheel.
Every little mechanical piece
inside that moves.
And then they put it all together.
Yeah,
this is it right here.
U.S. Customs
Border Protection
said it seized
460 counterfeit Rolexes
shipped to the U.S.
from Hong Kong.
You won't even be able
to tell the difference, man.
First of all,
my eyesight sucks anyway
because I can't like,
I have to put reading glasses on.
So it's a Rolex
that I'm looking for
that they say
that people,
it's hard to find.
It's the silver one
with the green face.
It's a Oyster 41.
if anybody in Hong Kong
making one of them
just, you know,
and shit and talk
until I get the one I want.
I'm like,
you know,
I'll be hearing
about women
getting gifted things
that's on their wish list.
Oh, yeah.
And I'm like,
that shit never,
if I put a wish list together,
they'd be like,
you fucking bummed.
You a fucking beggar, Ali.
Women can do it.
They always complain about,
not always,
but sometimes they complain about,
it's a double standard.
It fucking is.
Of course it is.
If I go on the internet
and put on a halter top
and put a wet halter top on
and put it right up
underneath my chest,
I get no money.
As a matter of fact,
I get complaints.
The people,
hey, I need $10
for the shit you put on in there.
People are requesting money from me,
but you do it.
Let a woman put on a wet halter top
right beneath her breast
and just put on there,
donate.
I guarantee you
you could be a millionaire.
For sure.
Easily.
There was a woman
who was working for
a friend of mine.
She was just in production
of his podcast
and she would take photos
of her feet
and put her feet
on OnlyFans
and she was making
$100,000 a month
showing her feet.
The lady who does my feet
has taken videos of my feet
and I've seen them
on her page
of other Korean ladies
laughing.
Look at that toy.
Look at that baby toy.
I think it's work.
You get your toes done?
You get pedicure?
Hell yeah,
I go get a pedicure.
I took one of the toughest dudes.
I always take some hood dude
to something
that they deem
as some non-manly shit.
I'm like,
yo, listen, my man.
My man, Papa Doc.
He said his feet
has been hurting.
I said,
yo, listen,
you got to get you
a pair of hokas.
You know what I'm saying?
So he went and got them.
I'm like,
yo, I feel like
I'm walking on
fucking pillows.
I'm like,
hokas is the shit.
Hoka like running shoes?
Yeah.
They're great.
Oh my goodness.
Great.
Best shoe ever made.
So I said,
man,
you got plantar fasciitis
and I said,
man,
you got to get your feet done.
That's a part of
mental health,
health care,
you know,
getting your feet.
He's like,
man,
I ain't fucking with it.
I'm scared.
I'm not doing it.
I don't know about,
and I'm ticklish.
I don't know about
touching my goddamn feet.
I'm like,
I'm going to go with you.
And he's like,
I don't give a shit who go.
I'm not fucking with it.
I said,
listen,
I got you.
I'm going to go with you.
I'm going to take you to my place.
And he said,
all right.
And I said,
listen,
before we get in here,
we getting a deluxe.
We getting the highest package.
The lady going to put
all types of shit on your feet.
Mayonnaise,
cucumbers,
all type of buttermilk.
She's going to boil
the motherfuckers in acid.
She's going to do everything
to your feet.
Trust me.
One of the toughest dudes,
I'm like,
I've had situations
I've called him
and he showed up
with no problem.
Like,
yo,
what's up?
I'm killing everybody.
But you would think
that I was taking him
to the electric chair.
I'm like,
yo,
man,
are you going to come
into place?
Nothing.
I ain't fucking with it.
He looking in there
like it's a setup,
like it's a mob hit.
Who are all in there?
Man,
listen.
Elderly people come here.
Women come here.
Women feed me fucked up.
You know what I'm saying?
Listen.
So he sits down,
takes his shoes off.
And as soon as he put
his feet in the water,
I'm talking to him
the whole time,
just trying to get
his mind off of it.
And he's like,
man,
fucking water.
The water bubbling.
He's like,
I see him easing up.
Then she comes out
with this tray
of all sorts of fruit
and oranges.
Put them on his legs.
He's like,
man,
type of fucking fruit salad
shit is this?
I'm like,
right when he getting
the cucumber rub
between his toes
and all that,
he look over at me
as he's drinking.
Because they bring you drinks.
I'm having a mimosa.
He's having an orange juice
because he's telling me,
I got to stay on my toes
when I'm fucking going.
You can't stay
on your toes in here,
man.
Your toes in the water.
He's on high alert.
This whole experience
is not,
it's supposed to be relaxing.
The lady come in
and she put his massage chair on.
And he,
you can see it easing up on him.
Before I know it,
he in that sleep.
Lady doing everything
to his feet.
She sawing him.
She taking off his toes.
She doing everything.
I'm talking about it.
The lady took his feet off
and just took him
to the back with her.
She was like,
yo,
there's a lot of shit going on.
He walked out.
He walking out
and he turns to me
and said,
man,
God damn.
That shit was amazing, man.
Got me some new feet.
You converted him.
I'm like,
he'll be back without me.
He'll be back in there
without me.
He know where to go.
Yeah, but maybe.
Sometimes it's hard.
It's like going to the movies
by yourself.
It's a big leap.
Is it?
Some people.
Man, I go to the movies
by myself in a heart.
But you're a comic
and you go on the road.
When you go on the road,
especially if you've got
an annoying opening act.
Oh.
You know,
if you go on the road
and you're going to Cincinnati
and you've never been
to Cincinnati before
and they've got a local guy
opening for you
and he's annoying,
you know,
and you wake up
and it's 11 a.m.
and you're like,
fuck,
what am I going to do today?
I'll go to the gym.
Well,
it's playing in the movies.
Fuck it,
I'm going to go to the movies
by myself.
And I commandeer
both seats
on the side of me
with vittles.
I mean,
because if I'm going to the movies,
this is not a healthy experience.
I'm eating all the bullshit
that's in it.
I want...
Sour Patch Kids.
Sour Patch Kids.
I want the Twistlers.
I want...
This is the only time
I eat a box
of fucking thin mints,
them junior mints.
I eat a box of them shits
in the course of the movies
with nachos.
I need my nachos
with jalapenos.
I need my popcorn jalapenos.
I put jalapenos
in my popcorn.
Ah, man.
I just...
I'm just going to have
so much bad shit.
And I need it in both chairs.
And I'm going to sit back
and I'm going to watch.
And I'll be on high alert, too,
in the movies sometimes.
But most of the time,
I'm just in there relaxing.
And I already have
an exit plan, though.
Somebody coming in
with some bullshit,
I got an exit plan.
This fucking kid shooting
yesterday
is just...
That's when you think
about exit plans.
Like, people always
want to think,
you know,
what would I do?
What would I do
if something happened
like that?
Like this elementary
school shooting.
This elementary school,
the more I'm reading about
it, the more fucked it is.
They saw him go in.
The cops didn't stop him.
They didn't go in
after him.
He was in there
for 40 minutes.
For 40 minutes.
The parents are outside.
This video of the parents
screaming at the cops,
trying to get the cops
to go in.
Finally, Border Patrol
gets there.
Border Patrol goes in
and they kill him.
I talked about it
the day of
because it was...
I'm on the radio
in Houston
and it said
it comes across
shooting on
Uvalde
is what it said.
So immediately
we start
trying to correct
people
because in Houston
we have a street
Uvalde.
And
that's what people
heard.
So we went in
correcting it
and
it's in
Uvalde, Texas.
And
I'm
the first thing
I'm like
this
who
went to the school
like
and why
and
why are we
still in this
same position
over and over again?
We
the level of
concern
that we have
for children
is really
lackluster
in this country
because
why is this
continuing to happen?
Why is it no security?
Why is it
why was he able
to even get
in the school
if you're looking at him
and you know
he doesn't go
you don't want to
stop him
to even ask
a question?
I'm
confused
of why
people with
these issues
go to
the most
like what
and it's
like why
this place?
Because it's horrific
they do it
because it's
the worst thing
you can do
they're shooting
little kids
they're going to
an elementary school
kid
you're getting
like 8 year olds
10 year olds
it's the most
horrific thing
the most innocent
and we know
and we know
this is a possibility
right
and we know
this has happened
so why
don't lawmakers
make
the law
a law
to be
if you commit
this horrific crime
if you
if you go
anywhere
the consequence
is so dire
that we
that this is
time
this is a
like you
get beheaded
this is
once again
this back
off to like
yeah but
these guys
want to die
like
it's a death
sentence
they know
like if that
guy's in there
for 40 minutes
he's not trying
to live
he's waiting
for someone
to come in
and kill him
that's a lot
of these guys
it's a suicide
run
run
I think
I think
I think
some of them
feel like
they're gonna
live
and somebody
gonna make
a movie
about them
I think
that you
you
because
if
I would
kill you
before you
even got
is you
you walking
up
it's gonna
be a problem
cause you
as soon as
you walking
up to the
school
it's gonna
be
it's gonna
be some
resistance
because they
know that
you
there's no
resistance
to these
to these
places
so
you
we have to
put up
some walls
of safety
when we
know
that these
things happen
in this
country
and people's
mental health
and people
I'm not even
blaming on
mental health
a lot of
these things
it's this
desire of
sensationalism
that a lot
of these
people have
and you
should combat
it at all
angles of
it
prior to
it
protection
is preventive
yeah
well
somebody
pointed out
and it's
a good
point
how do
we have
40 billion
dollars
to send
to Ukraine
and we
don't have
40 billion
dollars
to protect
the schools
okay
exactly
how do
we
where's
the money
getting
allocated
but I
said this
about every
single
problem
they have
in this
country
every time
there's
like
a report
on the
shootings
in Chicago
like how
do we
have
money
to
send
to other
countries
when we
don't have
enough
money
to fix
whatever's
going on
on the
south side
of Chicago
or Baltimore
or Detroit
if we have
if we have
this money
how does
how's it
poverty
right
in this
right
okay
so you find
money for
for other
things but you
don't find
money to
correct the
problems here
exactly
exactly
it's almost
like
well it has
to be
it's almost
like it has
to be
profitable
like you
remember
when we
invaded Iraq
and Halliburton
got these
no-bid
contracts
to fix
all the
shit
we blew
up
give them
a no-bid
contract
to fix
Chicago
go in
there
fix it
go in
there
set up
set up
community
centers
set up
whatever you
can do
to protect
people
set up
whatever
you can
do
to
educate
people
set up
whatever
you can
do
to
provide
people
with
better
housing
give them
hope
the
whole
country
if you've
got that
much
money
to
go
into
these
other
countries
and fix
things
and this
whole idea
of us
being the
police
of the
world
how the
fuck
can we
be the
police
of the
world
we can't
even
police
our own
backyard
how do
I have
a plan
to eradicate
homelessness
but the
smartest
people in
this world
don't have
a plan
what's
your plan
simple
so
in most
cities
you have
these
abandoned
buildings
you have
a lot
of
abandoned
buildings
you go
in
you refurbish
this
building
and you
start
people
right
at the
top
and it's
a tear
system
that
as you
tear out
the door
so
whatever your
situation is
whether it's
mental health
you get that
fixed there
whether it's
financial literacy
you get that
fixed there
whatever your
situation is
you get fixed
in this
building
that this
is what
this recovery
center is
for
then you
put them
in jobs
within the
building
because it's
ran by
grants
within the
building
to heighten
the skills
that they
already have
and you ask
people
what are
their interests
what do
they want
to be
what were
you before
this happened
to you
how did
this happen
you get
all that
back
information
and as
they are
tearing
out
the money
that's
allocated
for each
particular
client
through this
grant
half of that
money
is being
put to the
side
getting ready
to come
out
you're not
letting them
out of this
program
just naked
with just
the skills
that they
acquired
in this
program
you're giving
them a
new lease
on life
this is
the money
that you
acquired
by being
through this
program
let's help
you start
your life
from this
point
and you
invest
in the
businesses
that they're
starting
you invest
in their
life
whether it's
a trade
center
you invest
in these
people
and with
the notion
of they
going to
reinvest
a percentage
back into
the building
to help
more people
and you
keep recycling
people back
into the
world
in that
manner
so when you
see somebody
homeless
they're like
I'm homeless
I can't help
myself
they're like
bullshit
it's a building
right there
that helps
every single
person that
even falls
on hard times
and then you
give people
free health care
I bet if you
did that for
several generations
you could put
a massive debt
in it
I don't think
you'd ever
totally fix it
because you're
never going to
fix abusive
parents
sexual abuse
drug abuse
when you're young
you get people
out of there
you get people
out that
situation
because
I was in a
I had an abusive
stepfather
the only way
to remedy this
is to get out
of this
because you can't
fix him
you got to
you got to
focus on me
yeah
and get me
to safety
but if you
cripple somebody
thinking that
somebody
you put a person
in a position
where they feel
like they need
that person
and so you
make excuses
for their
behavior
when I see
this all the
time and people
like why
why did this
person stay
why did this
person do this
because if they
were handicapped
they was crippled
and when you
feel like you
have no other
place to go
you stay in
positions that
that's abusing
you
that's what
people do
that's definitely
true but the
amount of
resources you
would have to
have to take
care of every
family where
every person
is being abused
we have it
because we can
give it
we can give
we throw
away more
food in
this country
than most
countries produce
in a year
our waste
our waste
ratio
if our waste
ratio change
then our
condition change
because if you
allocate funds
to the right
thing instead
of wasting
funds
like even
with this
people say
it's a
misinformation
in certain
things
yes it is
when the
federal government
doesn't allocate
funds
to certain
people
to eradicate
the misinformation
in media
in media
it's federal
funds that
go out to
media companies
why you don't
give that to
some of the
black media
outlets that
you say
that don't
know what's
going on
because you're
not helping
you're not
helping the
situation
either
you're hurting
the situation
you're saying
that
people's
number
if you know
that the
number one
thing that
cripples
people
in this
country
is health
and then
you don't
make it
where they
can have
quality
free health
care
in this
country
then you
don't feel
like the
consumer
that you're
you're
you're
the human
being
is the
most
important
commodity
on this
planet
if you
invest in
the human
being
and the
human being
does
the good
works that
he's supposed
to do with
that investment
and they invest
in more human
beings you
create this
utopia
of
helping
and learning
and not
being and
not having a
phobia of
hey Joe
I need your
help
that doesn't
make me less
than a man
because I need
your help
with something
you're supposed
to give your
fellow man
a leg up
that's what
you're supposed
to do
but we live
in the
what I'm not
supposed to do
yeah and helping
people feels good
it's good for you
too
that's one thing
we have to get
into people's heads
helping people
feels good
it's good for you
too
it's like people
are selfish
they don't want
to help themselves
they feel like
if I'm helping
someone else
it's taken away
from me
but that's not
the case
what does that
mindset come from
they just
they just need
a better
well it's a
it's a famine
mindset
the famine mindset
is there's not
enough to go around
but there's enough
to go around
there's enough
for everybody
you know
this is one thing
that I always try
to instill in
comedians
because comedians
are like notoriously
selfish
they think about
themselves
want to get ahead
narcissists
I want to get ahead
I want to get ahead
why is he doing that
why am I not
doing that
I want to get
I want to get it
if you can help
the people around you
develop a community
when you develop
a community
everybody wants
everybody to do good
in our community
if one of us
is killing it
everybody's happy
if one of us
has a special
and that special
is killing it
like your special
which is out
on YouTube
right now
when that happens
people get excited
like god damn
look at him
look at this guy
look at her
everybody's killing it
that's good for everybody
and it gives the people
coming up hope
like I'm entering
into a community
if I work hard
and if I continue
to like honor
the craft
of stand-up comedy
I'm a part of this
very small
and tight-knit
community of people
there's not that many
of us
and if we do that
and we help each other
it's good for everybody
that's the
I think that's why
Rodney Dangerfield
was one of the
ones for me
like yes
when people say
who are your influences
I'm influenced
by more than just
what you did on stage
you know
it's
how you
your character
how you were
as a person
yes
and when
he was
not selfish
like
hey man
I got a platform
everybody is welcome
to this platform
if you funny
let's do it
think about the people
that he blew up
Sam Kinison
Dice Clay
Bill Hicks
Dom Herrera
Roseanne
Lenny Clark
Roseanne Barr
down the line
Seinfeld
man
dude
so many people
it's
and why not
why not want to be that
in comedy
or why leave that
to another entity
oh
I'm on
I'm on
the all stars of this
I'm on
the actors of that
like
why leave it to
other people
and other crafts
to heighten
your craft
why leave it
to other people
from other cities
to say
my biggest thing
is to get the
recognition
from
my peers
like
when a comic
calls me
and says
man your special
classic
like
I'm putting it
in this space
yeah
this is because
they know
the craft
there's not
you're not a
you're not a spectator
because
to spectators
everybody looks good
to spectators
but when the people
who know the craft
are looking like
nah
you don't know
what you're looking at
like
you don't know
how special this is
yeah
because the special
is supposed to be
special
is supposed to be
a piece of the person
like
and when
the people
that call
and say
hey man
this is
timeless
it's like
yo
you really
put a piece
of
like
man
you did it
it's insane
yeah
and that's what
we work towards
you think about that
when you're putting
your bits together
you're editing them
when you're going over
them
maybe that's a little
too long
or maybe I need
a little something there
maybe I need to
trim that up
or maybe I need
to explain that
a little bit better
you want that thing
to when it gets released
you get those phone calls
like
dude
that thing was awesome
that thing was awesome
and then
and then you get
thank you
thank you man
appreciate it
appreciate it
and then you want to do
that to other people too
you want to be able
to call them up
and go dude
you're special
it was amazing
it was
and that
I remember watching
I remember watching
Dan Soba's
Son of Gary
and I'm sitting there
in fucking amazement
I'm like
this shit is good
yeah
I'm like yo
this shit is fucking good
like
I'm gonna call him
yeah
feels good
I'm sitting there like
this shit is good man
it feels good to call
somebody and tell them that too
and I'm like
god damn it
Dan Soba you
are fucking amazing
and that's the thing
you know
I've watched
I watched earthquakes
and I felt good for quake
yes
and
that's the thing
that you want to do
in this business
I remember
I remember
writing
with Bill Bellamy
on his special
and
when he's
getting ready to go out
and we talking
and I'm like
my last words
was like
yo man
just go
and just do what you do
and when it came together
I called him
like yo
I watched it live
I was there
through the whole process
and this shit
is still good
DL with Clea
I was like
and you
and
I think that comics
don't understand
I'm
I'm not chasing
other comics
in an aspect
of the new guys
I'm chasing
the class
like I'm chasing
Carlin
and Cosby
and Pryor
and Eddie
I'm
I'm chasing
them
so
what you're doing
doesn't
affect me
or change
how I'm doing it
because
man
Sinbad
like the memorable
things
that I'm like
I want my
I want my special
to be
in that
when people say
hey man
live from Sunset Strip
elephant in the room
domino effect
Ali's stick
like
I want to be mentioned
amongst that
and I tell people
I'm not playing the game
for
riches
and all that
I'm playing for that
yellow jacket
you know
a lot of people
they
they satisfaction
as you play
football
and
you
you play
through high school
you win a high school
championship
great
then some people
want to go to college
win a high
college championship
great
some people want to
go to the NFL
and get to the NFL
they want to go to
the all-star games
and that's fine
some people want to
win a Super Bowl
but some guys
are playing the game
to
at the end of that
receive a yellow jacket
they're not cool
with just being there
right
they want
the jacket
they want greatness
yeah
yeah
aspire always to greatness
because even if you don't get there
you get pretty fucking excellent
because if you're trying to get pretty good
you'll get pretty good
but if you're trying to achieve excellence
like real true excellence
where you can be proud of something
you know
even if you get
don't get to where you wanted to go
you get a lot further than where you would go
if you have low expectations
this is the first
piece of work that
actually changed my mind on something
how so
people ask me
hey man
when it comes to storytelling
who is your top people
who the best storytellers in comedy
to you
I used to say just like this
I say it would be Cosby
Carlin
Joey Diaz
Eddie Murphy
me
and I say
me
Joey
and Eddie
all threes
me and we third
and then other people
I looked
when I put the special together
and I looked at it
and I looked at the craft
of the
the ability to bring people
into the story
this is the first time
somebody asked me after that
and I said
me
Cosby
then everybody else
after that can sort that shit out
but
I can't deny myself
no more
and put myself behind
somebody
when it comes to
a story
to like bringing you into a story
it's a different kind of art
yeah it's a different art
and I've gotten pretty goddamn good
that's the thing where Ari
when he put together that storyteller show
that was his idea
he was like
these stories are too hard to develop
when you're doing a 15 minute set
on like a stacked comedy store lineup
you know
you got 10 fucking killers
you want to kill too
and if you're trying to develop a story
and it's a story about going to the park
with your dad
it's a long ass story
like people are like
where are you going with this
but if you could do it on a show
that's just people telling stories
then you could develop it
and tighten it
and then get to the point
where it might be your closing bit
man
we said me and Ari talked yesterday
about
this is not happening
yeah
and he was like
out of all them stories
all the shows I've done
Mexican Got on Boots
is still my favorite
goddamn story
he said
I didn't know you
we was going to put you
on the digital side of it
and
we was looking at the story
and we was like
god
damn it
it's like
and he was like
I didn't even know
what you were talking about
and I was hanging on
every
goddamn word
and then it was like
oh shit
he's
this shit's crazy
and I'm like
no I appreciate it
then he said
the next one
was even more
like Mitchell
it's like
then I started
like he
his goddamn ability
to tell his story
he's seeing it
through a different lens
like whatever lens
he's seeing it through
he's making me see it
through that same lens
and I have no goddamn idea
what he's even talking about
that's the beautiful thing
about someone
when they're really locked in
on stage
I've always said this
I feel like I'm thinking
through their mind
like I'm allowing them
to take over my mind
take me on a journey
that's why when someone's
shitty or hacky
or it's like
ah
why are you using my mind
why are you bothering
why are you borrowing my mind
you know
like I gotta get the fuck out of here
I can't watch this
I'm super sensitive
to bad comedy
I
what
like
I can't watch it
like
I'm not
it's like
it's like
if I see you
and I
and I never
I never thought this before
until somebody said
hey man
this dude
did a bad set
and then he tried
to shake my hand
I didn't
I didn't want him to touch me
like I didn't
I didn't want the shit on me
like
don't put that shit on me
it's contagious
and I was like
oh that's rude as shit
and then
somebody did a bad set
and he
and they walked up to me
I was like
and I start walking
the other way
like
ah
don't fucking touch me
don't do that shit
you gonna
you gonna give me COVID
I don't want
Wednesday night
Ron White
had his friend
that he claims
he claims she's funny
I'm sure
she's a nice lady
and uh
anyway
she just didn't belong
you can't follow Ron White
when you're an amateur
you just can't
you can't
you can't
you gotta be a fucking
touring
rock solid
like set up punchline
bam bam bam
good premises
you gotta be good
to follow Ron
fucking White
she
was not
and
she
not only did she
eat dick
but then she came
and hung out with us
in the green room
I'm like fuck
I gotta go up next
so Tony's on stage
killing
and first five minutes
he's just roasting her
and I'm back there
and she's like
making excuses
and talking
I'm like
oh my god
I gotta get out
of this room
he dragged her
into the green room
now she's back there
just
just coughing
bad comedy at us
like oh no
I'm like oh no
so I start playing
music loud
I'm moving around
I'm shadow boxing
I wanted to leave
you wanted to leave too right
Chester A.J.B. was there
I'm not exaggerating right
no no
and everybody felt it
even Ron felt
he's like well
you know
it wasn't the best set
man
it's weird
cause
me listening
first
big up to Ron White
classy
very classy man
he's the man
Ron
just imagine
getting this phone call
I'm getting ready
to do Orlando
Improv
my agent
Joe Eschema
who I love dearly
Joe calls me
and says
hey
just wanna run
this by you
someone wants
to
wants to feature
for you
I'm like
nah I'm cool
I got my feature
Marcus Wiley
I'm cool
he's like
just hear me out
he's working on
some new stuff
he's coming back
he just wants to
be around
a comic
who
is a good comic
I'm like
Joe
who is this
you're taking too long
he's like
Ron White
I was like
I'm not
fucking with some guy
that has stole
Ron's white name
like Ron White
from Orlando
get the fuck out of here
he's like
no
Ron White
White
and I was like
and I doubled down
and I'm like
Ron White
White
like
like
the fucking man
Ron White
he's like
yes
I'm like
I can't even
get my yes
together
I'm like
fucking yes
like
yeah
I get to
work with Ron White
hell yeah
I said
he wants to
he wants to
metal
he's like
yeah he's got like
20-25 minutes
I said
do he want a headline
like I
I'll let him headline
just to fucking like
relinquish my weekend
to Ron White
just come feature
or do some
host shit
or whatever
he's like
no he says
he just wanna
so I
I get there
and I'm
I'm already anticipating
he's a legend
he's gonna be in the green room
doing the shit
and everybody knows
like I like to be
in my green room first
and invite you in
but I'm relinquishing
all that shit
because it's Ron White
I get there
Ron White
is the fucking
constant professional
not in the green room
he comes to the green room
he knocks on the door
hey what's wrong
I'm like
and I'm sitting there
all like
fucking Ron White
fucking Ron White
wait
he got his bus outside
he's hanging in his bus
then he came up
and saw I hang in the green room
with us
and he's like
look I'm gonna go out here
and do the raggedest
20 minutes
that I just put together
and trying to get this shit together
now I'm
I'm going out
and I'm finna watch
this fucking Ron White
stellar
20 minutes
fucking killing
I'm so caught up
in what he
they about to introduce me
and I'm in the back
to him
look
shit was amazing
and we talking
and he's like
I'll leave you
you gotta go up
I'm like
oh shit
so I go up
and he comes in the showroom
and he's watching
from the beginning
and I'm doing my thing
after the show
he comes in
and he's like
look here kid
you are fucking incredible
like I tried to give it to you
I tried to rattle you
cause his shit was so crisp
like
it was still a class
like
he's like man
so the rest of the weekend
we just chatting it up
and just
I'm like
I'm fucking kicking it
with Ron White
and then my mom
like man
these places
and every night
he's just giving me
a little more
something about
yo you can go
a little deeper
in that story
you know
cause you had me
you had me give
everything
and he
he noticed
that I would start a story
and stop
and start doing
another story
and he said
you keep leaving me kid
like
I'm still trying to figure out
what happened
with your uncle
like
I didn't go back
you're like
no you fucking
didn't go back
like
and I'm like
oh shit
I gotta start going back
and I'm like
like if she knows him
like why are you not
picking up the jewels
from him
like
she can't
you gotta watch
if you saw
you can't
when did you come
Wednesday night
when
what time did you get to
the club
right when I
right when I walked in
okay
you missed the chaos
it's impossible
you can't fix it
it's like me breathing
underwater
it's not gonna happen
it's not gonna happen
there's nothing to do
you can't fix it
I mean maybe
on another time
in another
state of mind
with different material
maybe she could do well
but in that moment
there was no fixing it
there's no advice
to be given
she came up with a notebook
oh
yeah
you came up with notes
and panicked
didn't have the mic
close to her mouth
it was
everything was wrong
everything
and I don't think
she knew
she was gonna go up
until like
right before
Ron went up
Ron told her
he's gonna bring
I'm gonna bring you up
I'm gonna bring you up
cause he come in the background
this was the first problem
he goes
she's a really good writer
oh
don't say that
this is what I wanna hear
she's fucking hilarious
she's fucking hilarious
can she do a guest set
okay
I didn't
a friend of mine
is a really good writer
I'm like
ooh
okay
what else
how is she at delivering
this writing
yeah
I don't think
any of my
any of my friends
I've ever said
that they
Bryson Brown
is from Austin
he's fucking hysterical
like I'm like
that's how I introduce him
like
yo this is Bryson Brown
he's fucking hysterical
yeah you wanna
grab a guest
an overall assessment
of their ability on stage
not
like
of a
little tiny
area
that they're good at
it's an important area
being a good writer
very important
but without
delivery
and timing
and presence
and everything
it's
are you good
hey
she's a good setup
she set up jokes
excellent
she set up Tony
Tony destroyed that lady
that ruthless
little motherfucker
there is no one alive
that you want to bomb
in front of
when you're gonna bring up
like Tony
cause he will
he roasted her
I mean he had
seven or eight
solid minutes
just killing her
when he went on stage
yeah
that's
it was amazing
that's what you do
you have to
you have to acknowledge
the elephant in the room
and I hate
I used to hate doing it
I used to hate doing it
especially
I used to hate doing it
period
but
Bill Bellamy
he's a nice guy
but he has a mean streak
in him
that is
outstanding
on the tour
with him
I used to host this tour
and somebody would ask
for a guest spot
and he would come in
and be like
Ali triple seven
I'm like
oh shit
who just asked
for a god damn
guest spot
so now
people don't know
what we about to do
to you
like
I'ma come out
and usually I would do 15
I'd just skate into it
but I'm coming out
with seven minutes
of straight
fucking home runs
I'm stacking this shit
on these people
so
people still laughing
at the first joke
I'm on joke number five
I'm fucking stacking it on
and when I leave them
I'm bringing
people gonna be still laughing
when I bring you up
they not even fucking
gonna think about shit
you saying
cause they still laughing
from joke number three
and
I'ma bring you up
and I'ma leave
I'ma sit you right
in that fucking pressure
cook them
you know what I'm saying
and
you're gonna
I don't give a damn
you're gonna die
if you can't
fucking
surf
cause I put
I put a hundred foot wave
on your ass
yes
and
then you die
and then I go up
and I put another
seven minutes of your
dying
on top of it
and Bill's like
I hate when people
ask us for guest spots
I'm like
ah you a fucking evil man
you sit there
the fucking
junkyard dog
to destroy somebody
I'm like
eh
but for that person
that did that set
and bombed
if they can figure out
how to follow you
when you're crushing
if they can figure out
how to ride that wave
that is so important
for that lady
Mitzi Shore
that's what she did
every fucking time
if you were a good comic
cause she thought
you had some potential
and you were young
she would throw you on
after a killer
who's on
who's on the lineup
for me it was
Martin Lawrence
in the 90s
dude
you never saw anybody
eat it
like seeing me
going on after
Martin Lawrence
when he was in
the leather jumpsuit days
people don't remember
they don't remember
95 Martin Lawrence
1995
my god
my god
his timing
his facial expressions
the power
Chris Rock
to this day
talks about a time
where he bombed
going on after
Martin Lawrence
and it changed
his career
cause he had been
doing too many
easy shows
he'd been too many
doing too many
of those New York City
like seller spots
like everybody's
so happy to see you
you can kind of
be casual
and he's headlining
and Martin Lawrence
is throwing
lightning bolts
just
the whole room
just
he was so good
he was so dynamic
he would pace
the stage
he had so much
energy
when he would
hit his punchlines
and hold
his facial expressions
he would be like
god
I can't even
watch this
I'm going to
I'm going to
my death
I'm going to
my death
I went to
my death
I followed
Martin Lawrence
dozens of times
dozens
you know what
I
let me tell you
what I
what I love
about an
honest comic
you know
how many comics
wouldn't say
that they went
behind somebody
that was just
fucking
a
absolute
monster
like yo man
this shit is a problem
like
how am I going to
match this shit
like
I can imagine
going up after
Martin
Martin's still hungry
he out there
fucking
getting it
who's in his 30s
Martin Lawrence in his 30s
with a leather jumpsuit on
you're fucked
you're fucked
people don't remember man
if you go back to
you so crazy
god damn he was good
in my mind
he's like
you know
when you talk about
the greats
cause you know
he went and did the TV show
and didn't tour as much
and didn't put out
as much comedy material
so a lot of people
that weren't around
in the 90s
forget how good he was
dude I eat dick
going after that guy
but it taught me
it taught me how to
ride the wave
it taught me how to
start strong
it taught me how to
cut all the bullshit out
all the
and to look at your act
like scrutinize it
look at it with a microscope
get rid of some of that shit
that's not that good
fix the setup
you better
do it right
you better sound like
a fucking professional
you're going on after
one of the best comedians
walking the face
of the planet
and back then
he might have been
number one
he might have been
number one in 95
he might have been
number one
he was murdering
I mean I would be
in the back room
terrified
just hearing the roars
I remember times
being places
and you going up
behind people
that fucking assassins
Tony Roberts
I don't know
if you know Tony Roberts
but he is so quick
it's just
rapid fire shit
and I used to
and people used to be like
hey man you can't
can't nobody follow Tony
there's nobody
in the planet
can follow Tony
and I remember being
at a spot
and people was like
yo
Tony's up right now
you going up next
I'm like cool
I had already
been able to
ride the wave
of
like I'm not going up
to compete with Tony
I'm going up to do
my shit
and I remember being
offended
during this show
that
a person thought
that I couldn't
follow Tony
and they switched up
the lineup
and I was
fucking pissed
and I said okay
and I went out
and I got a standing
ovation
and Tony Roberts
was the person
that said
he was
he said he was
right there
when the production
person said
so the first comic
got a standing ovation
what the fuck
do we do now
it was like
cause you thought
that I was
like they
they had played me
like I was some
fucking
throw on
on the show
and they was
like yo
Ali just got
a standing ovation
and DL opened
the door
of his green room
and said
what did y'all
think he was
gonna do
you fucking
disrespected him
cause he's like
yo he don't
it doesn't matter
where I go
because I know
what I'm going
to do
when I get there
and I learned
very early on
because I was
going up
behind people
that
Benji Brown
at the
Coconut Grove
Improv
he had motherfuckers
laughing so hard
that a dude
came in the
green room
and sat down
and was laughing
he was on his
way from the
bathroom
he just
busted the
green room
and he said
man this
motherfucker
killing me
and he sat down
in the green room
cause it was
on the way
and you could
hear it
you could hear
it
cause the
green room
was like
right behind
the stage
and you could
hear it
like Benji Brown
is fucking
destroying
this room
and he's
doing this
this character
Kiki
and he was
like yo
and it's
loud pitched
ghetto girl
and he's
fucking
destroying
this room
and then
he stops
and says
let me bring up
the next comic
you like
god damn
it's people
it's people
dead in here
like
it's like
you gotta
go out
the Coconut Grove
Improv
is where I saw
Joey Diaz
put people
in their grave
cause Joey Diaz
would go up there
and do half
his punchlines
in Spanish
and you would
have like
a 40%
Cuban audience
and Joey Diaz
would have
la binga
and he would
hit some
fucking
Spanish punchlines
and people
would just
throw their
chairs up
in the air
they were
falling down
to the ground
knocking over
tables
it was chaos
and then
Joey was
middling
so Joey
this was back
in the day
when Joey
was coming up
and they would
have like
some road act
who's
you know
did HBO
in 1984
and you know
kind of
still has the
same material
and they would
have to go on
after Joey
I saw people
quit
yes
quit
that shit
is
fantastic
when you
like yo man
this shit
is
Damon Wayans
Damon Wayans
I'm middle
for Damon Wayans
cause
whatever his
middle of the act
was fucking up
and he said
it was too dark
so they called
me
and
at the end
of the weekend
Damon
I never went
in the green room
he called me
in the green room
on Sunday
come in
I sat down
I said
hey how you
doing this
he said
how does
it feel
to be
a fucking
assassin
I said
what
he said
I used
to do
this
to people
I used
to fucking
go on stage
and destroy
people
you're a
fucking
assassin
are you
moving to
LA
I'm like
no
I'm right
he's like
fucking
assassin
that's a
nice feeling
Bobby Lee
Bobby Lee
I'm hosting
the show
Bobby Lee
had a lady
that was
his middle
of that
and
after the
first show
Bobby
we had the
Houston Improv
Bobby called
me in the
room
in the green
room
and said
hey
I'm not
gonna fire
you
not gonna
fire
you
just want
you to be
honest
with me
are you
a host
I'm like
I'm the
host
he's like
are you
you know
what the fuck
I'm saying
are you
a host
I'm like
nah
I
he's like
I fucking
knew it
Improv
always doing
this shit
to me
giving me
the strongest
motherfucker
in the city
he's doing
30 minutes
and I'm like
I'm feeling
the rest
of the time
he's like
I fucking
knew it
and Bobby
was going
out
doing his
clothes
of first
he's like
he's so
fucking
insane
wow
he's like
you
come to the stage
Bobby Lee
next thing
Bobby Lee
pants are
off
like
dicks out
dicks out
I'm
starting
with this
like
not fucking
finna bury me
behind the fucking
host
I'm not doing
it
like
sometimes
you have
to do that
you have
to go out
with your
your strongest
shit first
you can't
dilly dally
when someone
murders
you better
take them up
to the same
RPMs
and the thing
is
I want
the young
guys out there
that's listening
probably
don't think
that you murder
in a headliner
with the local
shit
like if it's
local
that's different
that's
man
you're not
I'm on
Martin Luther King
get the fuck
out of here
everybody got
if you murder
you gotta murder
with your shit
real shit
real shit
it can't be
the fluff
you know
I lived in Boston
and there was
some of the best
comics alive
back then
but they all
had local shit
and when they
would go on the
road
like local shit
in Boston
would kill
at 100%
you go on the
road it was
30%
it was like
the same bits
nobody knew
what the fuck
you were talking
about
nobody cared
about that accent
nobody cared
about those
references
to like
the Red Sox
nobody gave a fuck
and all those bits
were useless
and those guys
just stayed
some of the best
comics I've ever
seen in my life
they lived in Boston
they stayed in Boston
and they got trapped
they got trapped
by local shit
they were local
celebrities
and they got trapped
doing local shit
and they never did
the road
and I'm just saying
if you want to know
how not to be
locked into local shit
even if you
in a place
where you started
look at my special
I shot my special
in Houston
you can't tell
it's Houston
I'm talking about
things in Houston
but from a
wide eye lens
but it's not
about Houston
it's about life
it's about life
it's good
it's very good
and it's
it's very intimate
which is I like
I like a special
in a comedy club
I really do
I think there's
something better
about us
if I'm watching
at home
I'm in my living room
I want to watch
it in an intimate
environment
I want to be
in an intimate
environment
in the audience
if I'm watching
someone on stage
and they're in a
fuck
like Kevin Hart
did his shit
in like 50,000 people
it's like
Jesus Christ
how do I even
pretend I'm there
but when I'm
watching you
and I'm watching you
on stage
at a comedy club
this is a
normal sized stage
intimate with the audience
you're seeing the people
in the front row
you're smiling
you're having fun
I'm there
I'm there
you locked in the moment
you locked
where'd you do it
Houston Improv
ah
you can't tell
because of the curtain
in the background
yeah we piped
that's a great
fucking room
that's a great
fucking room
400 people and me
that's nice
and we just went on
and the crazy thing
is when people know
that they coming
to see you
do the journey
yeah
and it's weird
because the people
who can't
because I did it
during the weekend
that I was there
so the people
who saw me
saw the show
on Thursday
and Friday
is like
that shit
didn't happen
so then
the people
who saw it
on Saturday
got the whole
Hollywood
right
because you know
Eric Abrams
the same person
who shot my stuff
for Comedy Central
and this is not
happening
with Ari
I got them
I wanted that look
and Eric is a
fucking great
director
like
it's really
not about him
it's about
what
you want
and he just
suggests
shit like
what do you
what do you think
about
what do you think
about this
like
I wasn't
thinking about it
but
now that I am
you know
so he just
suggests
like
do you really
need that
and he's like
I don't
and it comes
together
him and Jordan
Jordan did
the lights
and
it looks
like
that was one
of the things
and especially
when somebody
notices it
when my guy
called me
and said
man let me
tell you
the most
amazing
shit
it looks
like
a class
it looks
like
1985
I'm like
pull it up
Jamie
let me see
let me see
the video
because there's
something about
get a look
at it
like look at
man
that's classic
classic comedy club
it's perfect
perfect size
stage
perfect intimacy
with the crowd
I was thinking
that man
because I just
did stand up
live
with Tony
I did a
guest
I was not
even supposed
to be there
in Phoenix
I fucking
love that club
I fucking
love that club
and I was there
and I was
thinking
god damn
maybe I should
film my
fucking special
here
it's so good
it's some
comedy clubs
that I think
that I've
set up
so perfect
man
stand up
stand up
live
in Phoenix
Zaney's
in Nashville
Zaney's
in Nashville
is flawless
oh my
god
that's a great
club
god damn
it's good
Levity live
in
West
Nyack
yep
yep
though
like
that's a great one
you
this is
this is what we
ought to do
I always put myself
in shit
like I just told
Ari that we
had to do
a festival
a festival
we travel
to festivals
around the world
he's Jewish
I'm Muslim
like the Muslim
Jew
festival
festival review
with me and Ari
just going to
weird ass festivals
we ought to
see
between me
and you
take a month
to go to
all these
clubs
and see
how many
specials
we can shoot
in these
clubs
in a month
you mean
just shoot
all the
film all the
shows
30 minutes
we go to
these clubs
and shoot
a new
30 minutes
in each one
you do 30
he does 30
no
me and you
this is me and you
you do 30
I do 30
in each one
of these
great
film clubs
and put it out
as the
as a
series
of going
to clubs
the best
comedy clubs
to shoot
especially
comedy works
in Denver
is another one
I've never
played it
what
I've never
played it
it's like
I'm boxed
into some
weird shit
that's behind
the scenes
that I'm not
that I don't know
what's going on
I've never
I mean you tried
to get in
I'm waiting
to get in
I'll get you in
I'll get you in
today
I won't
because I've heard
I'll call Wendy
today
I would love
to pick up
yeah I didn't
yeah let's do that
I'll fix that
yeah
yeah you need to be there
that's one of the
great clubs of the world
man it's a
what's another
great club
that like
these are clubs
that people don't
talk about
like I hear about
the cellar
and I'm not
knocking the cellar
but those
like you know
another club
that they remodeled
he remodeled it
and I think I was
the first person in
that when he remodeled
it's weird looking
but it's so fucking
intimate
the comedy zone
in Charlotte
never done it
oh
it's fucking
it's so intimate
and they around you
like improv
is a fucking
great club
oh
another club
DC Improv
oh it's an amazing club
amazing club
DC Improv's flawless
flawless
it's
it's no
it's a
man it's fucking
it's nice
it's flawless
it's perfect
perfect comedy club
yeah
yeah
there's a few of those
perfect height ceiling
perfect size stage
connected to the crowd
Rick Bronson's
don't look bad
to shoot them in
it's a Rick Bronson's
they don't look good
but that fucking
that stand up live
is fucking
stand up live
in Phoenix
is one of the great clubs
and it's big
600 seats
big
but the roar
the roar
when you're killing
my
not
okay
they moved
the Hollywood improv
to
I think it's
Dana Beach
it's another
it's an improv
in Florida
so they moved it
out of the hard rock
they moved it
out of the hard rock
it's Dana Beach now
that's a nice ass club
I haven't been
in a year
oh
what you think about
what you think about
Cobb City
which one
Cobb
Cobb Comedy Club
the old Cobb's
was amazing
I used to take a pay cut
to do the old Cobb's
because I used to do
I used to do the punchline
which was great
the punchline's still great
but Cobb's
the old Cobb's
was so intimate
it was maybe
140
150 people
just stuffed
into a room
and it was just
perfect
it was so intimate
and then the new Cobb's
it's like this
big
high ceiling
and then there's a balcony
but it's way in the back
and the balcony's
way in the back
and it's like elevated
it's weird
it's not bad
it's a great place
but it's not perfect
funny
some of these
some of these
clubs
I don't even think
maybe it's me
because I
I guess I don't have
a permanent audience
just yet
but
some of these clubs
when you go in
it's not even the club
the club is fucking fantastic
but the audiences
that's come there
you like
hmm
I don't
I
hey look
do I need to read
all the shit
that I read first
and tell y'all about it
so I can come do it
so you can be familiar
with some of the shit
that's going on
in the fucking world
like
like where
like what
oh man
um
right off the bat
um
Toledo
Toledo Ohio
is like
fucking pulling teeth
um
it sounds like a place
where you'd be pulling teeth
like
Toledo
fuck man
um
it's a
I'm gonna say
sometimes Syracuse
is fucking weird
upstate New York's
weird period
yeah
Syracuse
Albany
you're like
god damn it
man
um
I
anything outside
of Chicago
any of the clubs
around
outside of Chicago
you're like
god damn
y'all don't read
shit
but that Levittown
that
that
is that what it is
Levittie Live
no no
the improv
no
Shamsburg
that's what it is
Shamburg
yeah
that's kind of Chicago
it's uppity as shit
it's like
suburbs
it's like
I don't know
what the fuck you saying
like you don't
you fucking know
like
god damn it
Chicago though
Chicago's a great comedy city
yeah
fuck that's a great city
I miss Jokes and Notes
that was a place
that I
and I played
the Zanies there once
it was a great
it was a great experience
I like
I like some of the
old nostalgia clubs too
when I go there
you know that it's been here
for a long ass time
and or
a weird
like a weird spot
that I go to
the Punchline in Atlanta
where it's inside
the Landmark
the Landmark Diner
I hate the green room
but
I like
the fact that I walk
through some crowded
chaired room
and it feels like
they still smoking
in the room
like
yeah
like
yeah
yeah
the old
the old Punchline
was great
oh man
it was beautiful
it was amazing
that was amazing
that was an amazing room
and
they got rid of it
I'm like
fuck
well I think they lost
the lease
or something like that
it's just like
being a comic
and being a professional comic
being able to work
these places
and touring the road
when I was a kid man
that seemed to me
to be like
an impossibility
to be a headliner
and touring the road
and being able to work
these fucking amazing clubs
like the Punchline
like Zany's
it's like
that was always the dream
one of the things
I love about those
old places too
like Zany's
is you get to like
look in the wall
and you'll see like
old headshots
headshots
from the early 80s
faded
I think they
um
this is a room
that I like
that I'm very
very comfortable in
what is it
it is in
um
it's in North Carolina
as well
Charlie Goodnights
yes
that's a great room
I
I think they
they move in the building
as well
I think they did
something different there
I haven't been
to the new place
man
I
I like
cause I would go down
and look at the old pictures
and then go
play
ah
cause the
it's a nostalgia
to some of these rooms
yeah
man
and
I
I like going there
but when you think
about shooting
the room feels warm
and you feel like
I can do
some other things
to the room
to make it a little warmer
and just go in
and fucking crush it
yeah
like
they got good audiences
in certain places
well they have a long history
of having
like Charlie Goodnights
has been around
a long time
so everybody's
come through there
so all the people
that live in that area
know
that you go to
Charlie Goodnights
on any
Friday and Saturday night
you're gonna get great comedy
they only get great comedians here
it's like
if you're gonna work there
it's a classic club
yeah it is
oh
there's also a next door
honky tonk bar
and that was my first experience
with country western music
like live
like not even live
but just like
in a place where people
listen to it
we went over there
it was me and Duncan
and I think Joey
and we went next door
and they're playing music
that I've never heard before
but everybody knows the words
and they're all singing along
down by the river
you know
like they're all singing along
to these songs
and like fucking hooting
and hollering
and like
this is like I stepped
into another dimension
like what is this
it is
man it's weird
that I can go into
this same dimension
Alan Jackson
like
I grew up
I didn't listen to country music
but I knew about country music
because my granddad
would watch westerns
and you know
you listen to Hank Aaron
not Hank Aaron
Hank Williams
Hank Williams
and then this guy
Alan Jackson
I'm just flipping through
the stations
one time
and I heard
you know
like when you go
to another city
you put on scan
and going through
the radio station
trying to find a radio station
and way downtown
on the Chattahoochee
this is
and they called me
a whole bunch of loving
in a oochie coochie
and I had to find out
who the fuck
sung this song
I was like
in it
here look at him
look at
look at that outfit
what
when did that
fucking song come out
that must be like
1985
or something like that
like look at the way
he's dressed
no this is the 90s
no
can't be
got to be
seems like it's
from another time
Chattahoochee
way down yonder
on a Chattahoochee
way down yonder
I just was stunned
by the fact
that there was like
a whole other world
that I didn't know
about this country
western world
and all these people
were into it
and then I would do
local radio
and they'd want to
talk to me about NASCAR
did you see NASCAR
did you see what Dale did
and you're like
what are you talking about
like they were
everybody knew
they knew about NASCAR
the way most people
know about the Super Bowl
I've been to NASCAR
one time
one time
and Dana
was the
this was the first time
that she was the lead car
so get there
it's an amazing experience
like you
like we went into
the pit
we went into
the trailers
like
they have enough
stuff in a trailer
to build another car
like they
like they tell you
how many cars
they carry
with them
just in case
something happens
and they have enough
they have enough stuff
in their trailer
to rebuild
a car
and they
some of the pit crews
are ex-football players
that
got in this
just for competition
like I didn't know
they had pit crew
competitions
to see who can
change everything
the fastest
and a lot of these people
are ex-football players
that still need
the competition
and they
getting it on
and so
I never forget
about how
when the race
started
all these cars
take off
and it's so loud
and how I was
rooting for
the last car
so all these cars
were
then this one car
come
I was like
go
he like
he lapped
him
he's fucking
last last
but
the incredible
thing was
Ray Lewis
did the start
up
did the start
Walt Frazier
was there
and all
the attorneys
all the attorneys
for NASCAR
were young
black women
that graduated
from law school
and they were
all their attorneys
like they did
all the legal
so I was like
but the audience
is all
white
people just
everywhere's food
everywhere's like
they campers
and some of the
littlest shorts
you ever want to see
on a human being
like god damn
like all this shit
was exciting to me
I'm like yo
why does she have
on boots
with these shorts
like the shit
but it
you know what
I want to go to
that I haven't been to
the Kentucky Derby
I was in town
one time
when the Kentucky Derby
was out
I heard it's wild
could not find
I had to stay
in
across the river
like it was
no hotels in town
I was trying to stay
at the Silbach
and all that
and it was so ritzy
like I didn't get
a chance to go
but I would love
to go
to watch it
I heard it's wild
I had no interest
until I read
the Kentucky Derby
is decadent
and depraved
by Hunter S. Thompson
I read that
and I was like
Jesus Christ
and his depiction
of all these
rich fucked up
people gambling
and betting
on these horse races
and what the scene
is like
that it's this
wild social scene
of these decadent
depraved people
all getting together
and I was like
oh my god
I gotta go
I need to book
a gig around it
our interest
in the same thing
comes from
so far
different places
you wanna go
I hear all the rich
people doing so much
I wanna see the chaos
I wanna go to the Kentucky Derby
because the first 15
when I read about
the Kentucky Derby
how it started
the first 15
were all won
by African American jockeys
and how the purse
came about
and the history of it
and that's why
I wanna go
I wanna see the chaos
well I'm a giant
Hunter S. Thompson fan
you know
and so like
when I read his writing
about it
it just like
brought me there
like I could
I was appreciating
his appreciation
of the
just the
fucking scene
just the wild scene
of it all
and how crazy it was
at him as a writer
as a journalist
going there to cover it
and he's covering it
on acid
and he's all fucked up
and they're drinking all day
and you know
and Hunter's writing
was always like that
it was always this
wild mixture
of pure exaggeration
and fiction
with fact and reality
and like a
an assessment
of the social dynamics
like a psychological
examination
of the people
that were involved
when did he write about it?
that was one of the
first pieces
that he did
before
I believe he did that
before he did his
big Sports Illustrated piece
which turned out to be
Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas
1970
yeah
so that was
yeah they had merged
and then Fear and Loathing
was when?
I think Fear and Loathing
was his breakout thing
they hired him
I feel like they hired him
for Sports Illustrated
to go and write about
like
71 is when that was published
yeah
so it was like the same time
and when was the first
Kentucky Derby ever ran?
oh god
let's take a guess
let's take a guess
I'm gonna say 1920
I'm gonna say 1890
yeah I think it's like
100
I've done 100 plus
1875
1875
but when a thing
becomes a thing
like a place where people go
and they know
they're gonna go get fucked up
and they know
they're gonna gamble
and like it becomes a thing
they wear the big hats
with feathers and shit
and the ladies wear
all their jewels
what is going on here
is this at the Kentucky Derby?
yeah they're just running
he's running across
port-a-potties
and people are cheering him on
like this kind of shit
and they're throwing bottles at him
yeah
like they
bing bong bong
there he goes
he's down
it's so far different
from the original Kentucky Derby
yeah
did he fall in the shit?
oh it looks like it
oh no
did he?
is he covered in shit?
it could have been raining
it could have been doing
like mudsliding or something too
he's drinking?
looks like he fell in the shit
oh god
Jesus Christ
oh Jesus Christ
he definitely fell in the shit
oh that's so unnecessary
that's so unnecessary
but that's
he wrote
I wonder if Hunter
like caused more people
to act more crazy there
cause his writing
was so influential
and so popular
I wonder if
he probably
accentuated the experience
for people that wanted to go
to just get fucked up
and just watch
but it's like
you have the aristocrats
the socialites
you know the people
that go there
and they wear their expensive suits
and their big rings
and they put
pull up
and chauffeured cars
and they get out
and do a bunch of debauchery
right after that
debauchery
it's right after that
just
I don't have no underwear
I don't know all this shit
but I don't have no underwear
like you think about
you think about these experiences
that people have
like these kind of places
like if you're
one of those people
you're like some oil baron
and you got crazy money
and every year
you go to the Kentucky Derby
I imagine you just get used
to being around
all those other kind of people
and then every year
everyone kind of ramps it up
a little bit
you know
ramp up the chaos
ramp up the cocaine
so is that how
Mardi Gras started
that's a good question
how did Mardi Gras get started
Mardi Gras
like
Carnival is a pretty intense
I've never been to that
have you been in Rio
yes
really
yes
that's wild
oh man
the
oh
it's like you're famous
for people
it's like New Year's Eve
on steroids
it's
I went to this club
called Help Disco Tech
and you need it
like
Help Disco Tech
I remember
I went on Adam and Eve night
where they give you a leaf
you put your clothes up
and they give you a leaf
and you in the club
just a leaf on
that's it
and this club holds like
four or five thousand people
all with leaves on
and
it's so crazy
that the
that
they know that you cannot
get to the bar
they know that you can't
get to the bar
they have
bartenders
with coolers
strapped to them
where they
they in the
like
on the floor
in different places
and they flip the cooler
up and they make your drink
right there
because they know
you're not going to be able
to get to the bar
it's insane
in this spot
it's a live band
it's like
twelve piece
live band
and it's fucking insane
and you
if it's five thousand people
it's a thousand men
and four thousand women
if it's four thousand people
it's three thousand women
and a thousand men
and I know
we went in
it was
maybe about twelve
I know I came out
it was
eight thirty
in the morning
I know for facts
it was eight thirty
in the morning
and it's right off the beach
and it's like
this shit is insane
and you
when you fall
it was like
yo
and you look
it's like people
you not even
that you didn't even see
and they're like
oh she was in there
I can't
like
damn
where was she at
like
cause you
and your element
like
I never left
once I walked through
upstairs
I never came back
downstairs
I went upstairs
I never came back
downstairs
until it was time to leave
like I never came back
downstairs
like it wasn't happening
I was having
a great goddamn time
like
I walked out of my hotel
and it was
maybe like
thirty thousand people
on the street
on a side street
dancing
and it was
people on a bus
people on the street
and I just walked
into this shit
and I was like
I was just
like
I was just
in
man
Rio was insane
they know how to party
in Brazil
they know how to party
in Brazil
and I went to
the
cornerback
where
I think people
don't understand
that
this is
neighborhood
versus neighborhood
the Samba team
is representing
a neighborhood
so it's like
just put
twelve
football fields
together
right
stack them up
that's how
they coming down
the street
and it's people
on both sides
that's cheering
for their Samba team
it's insanity
man
I've never
partied
it had to be
a million people
in one
like going in
and coming out
was so insane
like I partied in
I partied out
I partied to concessions
I partied in the line
go to the bathroom
man
I may have had
sex on the street
like
I don't know
what I was doing
I was fucking
insane over there
like
it was
man
I probably have
a child over there
I don't know
I got married
look at it
yes
this shit
holy shit
look at that lizard
I'm over there
I'm over there
on the side
look at the lizard
and the mushrooms
oh my god
that's incredible
this is the size
of that thing
this is a neighborhood
so when you win
your neighborhood
gets money
like for the
everybody that's
on this
is from the same
neighborhood
look at the fucking
jellyfish
that's insane
this shit
you got
people gotta see
this shit live
this shit is insanity
oh my god
and it's not one
altercation
that's amazing
because Brazil's
a wild ass
fucking place
but they put it
all aside
for carnival
yeah man
look at this
oh my god
these floats
are incredible
these people
on top of them
look at the size
of these things
and this is an
honored position
to be a part
of the summer team
look at the size
of that
yo
wow
and they represent
the neighborhood
and this shit
is bananas
wow
it's bananas
I've been to Brazil
a few times
for fights
they are some
of the wildest
rowdiest crowds
and especially
when Brazil
look at that man
this fucking dragon
holy shit
look at the size
of that thing
how long does it
take to construct
these things
man
this is a big thing
right after this
they start
for the next year
wow
this is a
big thing
they representing
so man
this shit
this shit
is incredible
it's incredible
and this is all
themed
this is all
themed
holy shit
like
I know
I know America
think they do
live ass parties
but this is
this is like
12 Super Bowls
happening at the same time
I'm like
who is that supposed
to be
is that Bolsonaro
could be
it could be like
Gulliver's Travels
right
because those people
were climbing
that is fucking insane
look at the size
of that thing
and they lift
and he was laying down
at first
look at this
this is what I'm saying
oh my god
oh my god
that's incredible
yeah I did a movie
live from Rio
and we was at this
you did a movie there
yeah
live from Rio
with my boy Ben Williams
what was it
we just
it's called
live from Rio
it was 10
black guys traveling
we were supposed
to just start
we were supposed
to go here
then we're supposed
to go to Tokyo
was it like
a documentary movie
nah we was just
traveling and hanging out
just 10 men
out and about
and so you just
filmed it
yeah
is that out
can someone see that
live from Rio
on the cover
is me and this guy
named G
G got killed
by
a tenant
like he
in his building
yeah at his house
like he was
renting his house
out and a tenant
killed him
and
weird
but
I still have
some of the
DVDs that we did
from that
and Who Kid
did the
the soundtrack
for it
he DJed the soundtrack
for it
after that
Snoop and Pharrell
went to Brazil
and shot
they video
shot a video
Brazil was
bananas
I think
Brazil
were
was
Amsterdam
was a wild
time for me
I had a good
time in Amsterdam
but Brazil
by far
Brazil
just the history
of Brazil
when it comes
to wild shit
I mean
that's the
birthplace
of the UFC
they figured
that shit out
long time ago
they were doing
no rules fights
in the 1940s
Elio Gracie
was fighting people
from Japan
in the 1940s
they would have
these big fights
where they'd come over
speaking of fights
June 12th
me and a comic
named Steve Brown
are supposed to
do something
he said he gonna
do something
I don't know
what he gonna do
what do you mean
like a boxing
match
really
he saw me
on the
on Instagram
was like
he thinks he can
box
I think I can
take him
oh boy
he told somebody
else and then
they told me
I was like
how much does
he weigh
he say
194
so he weighs
215
I said it
I said off
the top
I'm like
yo he
205
210
and then
I already know
it cause he don't
know how much
he goddamn
weigh
and then
and
that's my boy
James
that's my
that's my trainer
James
and
he
Steve Brown
put it on there
that he wanted
to do
so I'm like
well I come
in town
and then
people
there you go
Steve Brown
where people
can't
do this to me
you can't say
um
you wanna box me
you know my schedule
I'm not gonna be in town
until the
I'm in town
on the 10th and 11th
well you know
I'm out of town
I say well stay around
stay around
and then we'll
get it in
and James
soon as James
heard it
James was like
shit
do you want this guy
to lose any
what do you weigh
like 170
nah
I'm 160
160
yeah
I'm gonna go down
by the time we
five go down
10 pounds
and still get it
he is gonna
what
probably wait
come in at
310
and that's gonna
be the worst
day of his life
he come in
310
cause he's gonna
be exhausted
like I'm
I can move around
on him
for at least
the first round
and then start
punishing him
how many rounds
how many rounds
are you gonna do
he said 3
and I'm like
oh
make it 5
yeah
let's go a little deeper
that's me
I'm like whatever man
cause I know
I think people
don't understand
about boxing
this is a
when you fighting
your mental condition
has to be
physical condition
definitely gotta be
in order
but your mental condition
cause
this is not
the punching bag
it's not
the gloves
right
and are you
conditioned
for a fight
like sparring
when you spar
the next day
some shit
is wrong
like
why my
why my neck
don't move
yeah cause you
fucking got hit
somebody pushed
your fucking neck
to the side
that you didn't realize
like all
all this shit
is bad
yeah
but body shots
body shots
hurt
like
hurt a lot
oh yeah
and if you're not
conditioned
for that type
of punishment
because you're
gonna get hit
no matter how
big
and how good
you think you are
you're going
to get hit
and I'm
I don't
I'm not gonna
take no steam
off of a punch
for you
and I say
what we doing
head gear
no head gear
even the head
gear is a problem
head gear is not good
I'd rather have
no head gear
I'd rather have
no head gear
can't see that good
especially when
when somebody
keep turning
your goddamn head
gear
yeah
and there's a real
argument that it
causes more of a
rotation of the head
because it puts
a bigger fulcrum
like you have more
weight on the head
and there's more mass
so if somebody
clips you
and your head's
spinning more
and your brains
rattle around
inside your head
more
cause if you
cause you don't
get your head
gear turned
and now you
can't see
there's gonna be
some more shit
coming behind
like it's like
is this something
you wanna do a lot of
like is this just
someone talk shit
and you're ready
to do it
my ultimate thing
was I wanted Kat
Kat said he started
boxing
oh I know
we talked about that
last time
has he responded
he not gonna respond
cause he knows
the type of
fucking punishment
that it's going through
man
like
I'm not gonna lose
I wanna
I wanna beat you
but
I think I'm easing up
on him
cause
people
I was
Holly you need
to let some
things go
and I'm like
yo watch the special
it's hard for me
to let things go
it's very hard
for you to let
things go
but
it's
I don't mind
the physical
combat of
fight
I think it's a
stress reliever
I think
when you get a chance
to
go with somebody
that wants to go
that's the thing
you gotta be with
somebody who wanna box
and
who wanna fight
like
with me and James
James is a professional
fighter
and
when he wanna go
you know
let's go
and I know
this is a
this gonna be a hard day
cause he's
he
no matter
no matter how
somebody
how the shit starts
me and you
can start
and once
you get hit
the shit changes
like yo
I know I'll leave my friend
but I'm finna fuck him up
like I gotta
now it becomes a fight
I gotta get my lick back
I gotta get this
so
it
it gets chippy
it's hard to find
sparring partners
where you can just spar
where like
you just get hit like that
get hit like that
where you're not
getting lit up
where you're not in a fight
you know
it's just sparring
some guys
if they're cool with you
and you're cool with them
you could just spar
and you touch them
you touch each other
and you can do that a lot
and it's very beneficial
yeah
because you get your timing in
and you get real rounds in
it's not fighting
but it's tightening you up
for fighting
so you'll have these
reflexive movements
like you'll see
a check hook
and it just
it's just there
it just comes out
because you've done it
so many times
yeah like my man
Todd Emanuel
just fought
um
Victor Ortiz
really
yeah
Victor Ortiz is still fighting
yeah
what is he doing now
yeah
him and Todd Emanuel
just they did
I think it's on YouTube too
that fight with Floyd Mayweather
was one of the weirdest fights ever
he headbutted him
he headbutted him
and then he tried to apologize
and Floyd said
yeah yeah yeah
boom
dropped him with a left hook
he was like
oh no
and then stopped him
that was
see if you can pull that up
it is one of the craziest fights ever
he fights out of the same gym
um
main street fighting gym
like with um
so this just happened
Regis Provost
he's a fight out the same gym
oh this is on the Lemieux undercard
uh
who was it Benavidez
who fought Lemieux
yeah Benavidez
fucked up Lemieux
so
Todd was
he was
and it's
how did he do
against Victor Ortiz
big sigh
it was a good fight
did he lose
he lost
I think he went to the scorecard
Victor Ortiz was a world class fighter
at one point in time
I think
I think
um
Todd
you know when you watching the fight
like he
he'll hit me
and give me some tips
about something
I'm like Todd
I'd be like
yo
he was doing something
you know when you watching the fight
you're like
why the fuck
cause you sitting there
like why the fuck
you keep doing that
like
when they would break
Victor would just start
like as soon as they break
as soon as they go back in
he start throwing punches
and Todd
and Todd he covering up
and I'm like
fucking
don't do that
just
and every time
he didn't do that
like he
he didn't cover up
he
soon as Victor came in
bop
he hit him with one
like keep doing that shit
and I think that sometimes
cause it's a mental game
it's like
it's also
you're looking for breaks
guys looking to take a little break
let me know
let's cover up here
so here it is
so this is when
Victor Ortiz was in his prime
and you know
it was a good fucking fight
I mean he had tagged Floyd
and look at that
there's the head butt
there's the head butt
and I think
and then look at this
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
and then he hugs him
he kisses him
didn't see the kiss
then
and they take a point away from him
and he touches his gloves
like I'm sorry
I got carried away
and he touched it
and he goes
okay okay okay
boom
bang
that was crazy
fuck his head butt me for
I know
but it's also like
defend yourself at all times
like he thought that
they were gonna like
be friends
and then he just gets
stopped like that
I mean it's
the end of his career
essentially
because he never really
reached world class
level again
where people were
thinking about him
as being a world champion
that was the fight
and he had been in movies
right
yeah
he'd been in a couple of movies
wasn't he in like
The Expendables
or something like that
and he was in like
a big movie
yeah so
and that was it
that's the same attack
on Floyd
he was attacking Todd
and
Todd was
Todd
I think Todd
knocked him down
in like
the last round
like he got him
pow
and
it was
I think the scorecard
was too late
or something
I don't know
but
how old is he now
Victor's gotta be like
37, 38 years old now
right
if I'm guessing
35
35
man
so when that Floyd fight
happened
he had to be in his
early 20s
there you go
he got him
there you go
Todd got him
let me say that again
oh yeah
come on
hit him with it
pow
oh that left hook
in the right hand
behind it
yeah
he got him
oh he dropped him
yeah
shit
I got it there
35
he's like
yeah you got me
you know what's crazy
crazy is that Floyd
is still doing these
exhibitions
making millions
oh did you see
the one he just did
yeah he looked fantastic
I'm sorry
he's like
I ain't got no haircut
for this shit
yeah
scraggling
I think he's enjoying
that look
going out
whooping people's ass
like yo
for millions of dollars
I ain't gotta
promote this shit
I'm just showing up
smiling
ass whooping
like
it's like Floyd
wait to get hit
to see where you at
with your power
and be like
okay
now I'm gonna
fucking demolish you
he was holding
the ring card girl's card
and walking around
do you see what he was doing
oh shit
he held up the card
in between rounds
Floyd walked around
with the card
he put on a show
because he's like
he's
it's really smart
because he's giving them
the money's worth
it's not just
a boxing exhibition
he's putting on a show
he's laughing
and dancing
he's got a big smile
on his face
while the fight's going on
Chris and Carwell
and that was a guy
who he had sparred before
would you fight?
no
no
I'm too banged up
and I'm too old
I'm not interested anymore
muscle memory alone
you'll probably
take somebody out
just mere muscle memory
I'm not
yeah
I mean probably
I could fuck some people up
but I'm not interested
it's a man
it's an old man
in our gym
main street
he
he looks like a problem
like
just from
he's so rugged
and so hard
that
I would never
even play with him
like
just go up
and put your hands up
just for muscle memory alone
he'll fucking destroy you
just like
like he just does it so much
like the shit is a problem
some guys can keep it up
they can
like Floyd
45 years old
looks fucking amazing
the best example
is Tyson
55 years old
and they're still talking
about him fighting
either Logan
or Jake Paul
like that is crazy
and I don't know
what would happen
oh man
if Logan Paul
would beat Tyson
I would fucking just
I would die
I think Jake
would probably be the better fight
Jake
whatever the heavier
the better one is Jake
Jake's the one
who knocks people out
Logan
Logan's more of a boxer
I would fucking just
die
I can't believe
that would happen
I would just
I'm like
cause Floyd
when he fought Floyd
I think Floyd
was really
when Floyd got tired
of the bullshit
he just
yeah he put it on him
he put it
but he's so big
and I think that he
I think that one of them punches
kinda just wobbled
the shit out of him
and Floyd was holding him up
like yo
don't fuck up your money
I'm fighting
this and
god damn it
you think so
it's parts in that fight
where Floyd was like
yo let me show you
I don't give a shit
how big you are
you not on this level
oh he's definitely not
on that level
but I think he was too big
and he was
I'm telling you
it's a part in that fight
where Floyd
snapped his neck back
and I was like
oh shit he gone
and Floyd was like
you could see Floyd
holding him up
like don't fall
big motherfuckers
I didn't notice that
I noticed Floyd
was definitely
out boxing the shit out of him
but the difference
between Floyd
and Mike Tyson
is Floyd's
155 pounds
Mike Tyson's
220
solid as a rock
even if he's 55
he's on all the Mexican supplements
he's on everything
they use electrical muscular stimulation on him
you know what they do
you ever seen those things
they do to build you up
he does exercises
where they put these
he talked about it on the podcast
where they do these
these pads
connected to wires
and so he's doing these exercises
and these things
are like charging his muscles
and it makes your muscles
develop faster and better
oh shit
yeah so when he got back into shape
yeah
my wife does that shit
you slap like
these electrodes on you
and do squats and shit
it like stimulates your muscles
it's painful
but apparently
it has a big effect
on the way your muscles grow
I would love to go in the hot box
and talk to Tyson
he's great to talk to
he gets so high
just to talk to him about
his stay in prison
what was it like
it was different than
because I know
this is the thing about
what people don't understand
about prison
people are like
well Tyson was in there
like who gives a fuck
like in prison
I wouldn't be scared
because you can't be scared
of anyone
like
can't show that
and you have to respond
like I wonder what people
because I know people in there
that would be like
I don't give a fuck
this dude named Brown
like I never
I never would tell this story
but when Brown
Brown was a fucking monster
like I remember being an SSI
it's like you're a custodian
and I was cleaning up lockup
and I didn't know
what Brown looked like
I just heard him
he was in the cell
he was in close custody
and he would be hitting
this metal door
when like he was pissed
he would be hitting this door
boom
boom
boom
it was like
a fucking silverback gorilla
was in this goddamn
I was like
who the fuck is that
like
oh that's Brown
and when you would feed him
you gotta
you don't give people
they trades
and you can't really see
it's a little box
when they let him
out of close custody
I mean I actually
laid eyes on Brown
the day that he came out
he came out of the cell
and he ducked
it's like
the fucking Green Mile
and like I had never
even saw the Green Mile
like Brown
is a huge
6'8
man
that was fucking
he was huge
and it was another guy
on the unit
named Wynn
that was from Vegas
he was black and Italian
that's how I learned
about the Pink Floyd album
he sung every song
he knew every song
my favorite song
was Comfortably Gnome
he would sing that shit
all the time
and he's this Italian dude
and he's huge
he looked like
Lou Ferrigno
he's huge
and
I weighed by what
120
125
and Brown
and Wynn
fucking loved me
and they would always
be fucking me
I'd be playing basketball
and they would
they had universal weights
on this particular unit
and they needed
more weight
because they would
do the stack
and they needed
more weight
and I'm like
the perfect size
and Brown
and Wynn
you would see them
walking towards the court
and I'd be coming down
the court
I'm like
yo man
going on with that bullshit
they were like
man either
we gonna fuck up the game
or you gonna come over
and let us get a couple sets in
and everybody be like
man fuck y'all
y'all ain't the ones
gotta go
and stand on this shit
like I'm standing
on the universal weights
I'm like yo
two sets
that's it
I'm gonna fucking
step on your chest
and I'm on top
of the universal weights
and hold on to the USC Brown
yeah
that's what I'm fucking talking about
I'm standing on the way
I'm like I fucking hate y'all
and Brown used to
we had this thing called
Jack Mack
that we would eat
I mean most people
chopped it up
and put it in soups
and with mayonnaise
and all this other shit
to make it a spread
he would pull it out the can
and just put it on bread
the bones
the skin
everything
he would drink the juice
and just be like
yeah youngster
these people don't know
and he was so big
but he was like a fucking
tame bear
when he would talk to me
he was like man
my mama died
I ought to kill everybody
I'm like
Brown that's not the way
you saw that
and
how old were you?
I was what
22?
you were 19
when you went in?
yeah
and
what'd you go in for?
being a street pharmaceutical rep
which is very frowned upon
street pharmaceutical rep
very frowned upon
what a great description
street pharmaceutical rep
but meanwhile
being a regular pharmaceutical rep
you could do far more dangerous things
crush people's lives
far more destruction
yep
legally
sanctioned
legally
sanctioned
yeah
and not only that
you can hire a lobbyist
yeah
somebody to lobby for you
yeah
hey
the world needs to use opioids
yeah
more
more
everywhere
fit and all
I heard they're not even addictive
yeah
we gotta study
a street pharmaceutical rep
meanwhile
somebody's scratching
at your door
you have more fentanyl
it's not addictive
get him out of here
it's not addictive
like yeah
okay
it's a weird
last year
they had the highest number
of deaths ever
from overdoses
it's the number one cause of death
between people age 18 to 49
wow
over 100,000 people
I'm still thinking diabetes
but
I don't think so
I don't think
diabetes is probably like
number three
I think heart attack is number two
wow
what is the
cause of death
18 to 49
I believe number one
is opiates
and it's all
a lot of it is
fentanyl
that's getting mixed
into street drugs
like people who
buy ecstasy
they think it's just ecstasy
it's got fentanyl
buy coke
it's got fentanyl in it
it's those people
I
like that shit
that happened
those comics in LA
that was coke
with fentanyl
me
um
I look back
and I
and I noticed
that
I wasn't
that type
of person
all throughout
my years
of destruction
I wasn't
that type
of like
this special
is from
from 10
to 15
the next one
will be
from 16
to 19
but
in that
I wasn't
because I
I didn't
I didn't
when the special
when people watch
they'll know
that I'm not
this hardcore
criminal
or I came
from some
bad family
where you had
to sell drugs
and make it
like my mom
had a job
and I'm just
out being
influenced by
the people
that's outside
I never
I never
understood
a couple
things
in that
in this
in that
life
I never
understood
as I got
older
I never
understood
why I was
no honor
amongst these
why were you
making
these transactions
so dangerous
and so hard
and then I
never understood
people
doing things
to their
customers
just for
the
to stretch
it or
you know
like adding
drugs to the
drug that you're
selling
like
like I never
understood that
desire
in that
like I still
don't understand
like why would
you mix something
with something
else
it's like
what's the
like you have
to sell
like god damn
like what's the
deal
like
I just don't
understand
the concept
they just want
to get the
most amount
of money
you know
some people
they just
they get
caught up
in numbers
they get caught
up in what
they can do
and they
don't have
like a moral
or ethical
structure
so I'm
selling you
apples
because you
you're a
consumer
you're one
of my
customers
that you
buy my
apples
why would
I put
something in
the apples
that's going
to kill
off
the people
who buy
my apples
well there's
two things
going on
one
there's
cartels
and the
cartels
don't give a
fuck
the amount
of people
that are going
to buy
their cocaine
is endless
it's the only
way to get it
it's coming in
over the border
they're constantly
bringing it in
and if they can
cut it
and make more
money
they don't
give a fuck
if they sell
it to you
you think
you're gonna
buy what
you bought
last month
but you're
buying a
totally different
thing now
because they
decided to try
a new
formulation
with fentanyl
and maybe
you do
one bump
you're okay
maybe you do
two bumps
you're dead
that's the
fentanyl deal
like fentanyl
you've ever
seen the amount
of fentanyl
that'll kill you
like in comparison
to a penny
it's crazy
pull up the image
when you see it
next to a penny
you just go
what the fuck
it's like
lead in the water
it's the tiniest amount
it's the tiniest amount
of fence
and it will kill you
it's like a hundred
times stronger
than heroin
it's like
being okay
with a little water
a little lead
in the water
oh shit
I still feel like
it can't be right
because it's given
to people as a
yeah
so they're giving
them less than that
they're giving
them less than that
yeah
they really are
no I know
it seems like
it can't be right
but if
the folks that
are just listening
at home
we're looking
at a penny
from 2012
and the amount
of fentanyl
that'll kill you
will cover up
the number 2012
and that's about it
it's a small
it's Lincoln's beard
Lincoln's beard
is the amount
of fentanyl
that'll kill you
on a penny
which is crazy
and that's real
look at it
look at it
next to heroin
yeah
what is this
other shit
look at
carfentanil
oh there's one
that's worse
Jesus Christ
so 1.2 milligrams
of fentanyl
will kill you
and then 0.2
of carfentanil
you know
value per milligram
is $250
and you have
0.2 milligrams
I'm quite sure
my uncle
took more heroin
than that
well I think
you could develop
a tolerance
you know
Mitch Hedberg
had a crazy tolerance
apparently
you know
Hedberg
they tried to get him
to clean up
and he's like
nope
nope
I like heroin
damn
yeah
died on a sword
I think
I think
that comics
should be
the most
healthiest people
like
they should
value their health
a lot
like
we on the road
we in different
environments all the time
you traveling
you in different hotels
like
your health
should be
a priority
yeah
to you
and I know
some of us
we just fought
we fall
and you eating
terrible food
if you
you know
you in a lot
of these clubs
you eating at the club
you eating everything
chicken fingers
bullshit
but you have to have
energy to perform
if you really want
to be at your best
you want to be vibrant
you want to have energy
you know
if you're drinking
every night
and
oh shit
yeah
and if you're doing coke
if you look at the guys
who
who petered out
real
like Kinnison
petered out
worse than anybody
but he was just
partying every night
it was all coke
and alcohol
and
if you go and watch
Kinnison from like
86
and then watch
Kinnison in 1990
it's like
he's a shadow of himself
four years later
shadow of himself
not like
almost like a parody
almost like someone
was trying to do
a Kinnison impression
at like a
you know
one of those
impersonator shows
yeah
you know
someone does a
you know
like
yeah
Texas guy
yeah
Houston
yeah
damn
yeah
we were talking about it
last night
in the green room
there's a video out there
see if you can find
Kinnison doing
revival preaching
I know there's a video
out there of him
on
on one of those
in one of those tent
revivals
doing
doing
like Jesus preaching
it's wild man
it's
he was so powerful
it's
he
he was a
he was a dope
comic
he
him and
um
the other
used to tell me
stories about
being with him
at the time
being around
him at the time
because they
was all coming up
together
and sometimes
people forget about
Thea
Thea was a
fucking legend
she was a beast
fucking legend
here it is
this is a 36 minute
recording of it
without video
the last sermon
in 1982
yeah
you care about me
I know they
care about me
and uh
yeah give me a bump
oh my god
the sound is terrible
oh he's singing
been married twice
and I've had my heart
broke
and let people
disappoint me
I know it's like
to have your own home
drive new cars
off the ladder
and have to sleep
in a bar
with no place to go
but I know one thing
I uh
I've never had God
turn his back on me
every time I was alone
he's gone
every time I was convinced
that I couldn't help
no one
no peace
or love again
God was right there
I'm telling you
something tonight
you can't get away
from God
you may think
you uh
you're in a place
where you go well
my life's real secure
my life can't be changed
I've got everything
I want
but I'm finding out
something about age
and about time
that's it
you're gonna be here
a long time
who needs change
your personality changes
different aspects
of your life change
there's one thing
that doesn't change
and that's your need
for God
scoot it up
scoot it up
towards the end
let me hear it
here we go
by the end of this year
I just don't know
if I can do this anymore
it's too demanding
it's too draining
people are getting
the entirely wrong image
of what kind of person
I am
amen
amen
and now I repent for it
the day of that kind
of life out there
amen
but I tell you this
I know what I've been
commissioned to do
I know what God
called me to do
I know what my purpose is
I need your purpose
amen
if I ever cross your heart
it's because God's
laid me on it
amen
if I cross your mind
if I happen to just
you're driving sometime
and I happen to cross
your heart or your mind
it's because
I'm out there praying
for the body of Christ
to pray for me
because I need you
amen
amen
I'm telling you something
this world's about to be shook up
and I'm just glad
I have a part in it
I'm glad you have a part in it
because I wouldn't have made it
without the prayers of this church
without the support of this church
I couldn't have took it
amen
I couldn't have lasted
amen
I have one spiritual friend
out there
that's it
out of all the people
I know
out of all the people
I deal with
and talk to
I know one spiritual friend
you say
well why don't you go
to different churches
out there
I've tried
and they're nothing
but the law
I don't need to know
about being saved
I've been saved
I don't need to know
about being filled
with the Holy Ghost
honey
I've walked in it
for the last 12 years
it takes a lot
to feed me
amen
the law doesn't cut it
your little list
of rules
doesn't cut it
because you can't
this is why the world
won't accept it
amen
the priesthood
is going to have to
come to humanity
humanity's not going to
come to the priesthood
amen
this is why Jesus
left the temple
brother Marnie
amen
praise God
they tried to accuse him
of all kinds of things
they said he's a blasphemer
he's a wide member
he's irreverent
he's not a truth teller
he's a liar
he's Beelzebub
he's this
he's that
and Jesus said
listen
amen
the well
don't need a physician
I didn't come for you
I came for the lost
I came for the lives
without hope
people without an answer
people living on the edge
of their existence
amen
now I'm telling you
people would do their job
spiritually
if they'd walk in this
spiritually
you wouldn't have
the drug addiction rate
amen
you wouldn't have
the alcoholism
and the youth
that you have
in this country
amen
but it ain't gonna be
done by rules
it's gonna be done
by reality
it ain't gonna be
done by a little
program for them
it's gonna be done
by something
they feel in their self
they're not gonna
take your word for it
they're gonna have
to feel it
brother Marnie
it's gonna have
to shake them
and Kevin
I respect you
cause you didn't
listen to other people
you just didn't
accept it
because they told
you it was real
you had to wait
till you felt it
you had to wait
till it shook you up
but brother
it did
and you are changed
and you are his
and you can't run from him
amen
you ran into him
glory to God
I was with him
I saw it happen
wow
four years later
he was doing
an HBO special
talking about
getting his dick sucked
and dead dudes
getting fucked in the ass
by gay guys
four years later
I mean four years later
he was the biggest comic
on earth
look at him
that's four years later
besides you
that has any good to it
that can shine a light
into somebody's lost way
do you think
if you had to
if your soul
was riding on the line
and you had to testify
and you had to make
a commitment
if it was a final answer
what would you do
well
look at that
you gave him a little taste
that's impression
that's not really
you know
he's just doing himself
yeah
well he's just saying
well that was
someone asked him
could you do
could you preach again
do you have the lord
still in you
I mean imagine
if you were in that tent
watching that guy
perform like that
like god damn
what a charismatic
motherfucker
and then four years later
you're strumming through HBO
you're like hey
what the fuck
the fuck just happened
he I mean
he must have been doing
some comedy
back then
because if this was 82
and that was his last sermon
he must have been doing
sermons and comedy
at the same time
like look at that
he's preaching there
in 1975
so really developed
his act
preaching
what's the show
that comes on
it's about the preachers
you remind me
what show
I think it's on HBO
it's about
it's about preachers
god damn it
the name of it
fails me
but these
what's the guy
from Roseanne
that was the lead
on Roseanne
John Goodman
John Goodman
is in this
he's the head pastor
of this church
John Goodman
and what is
okay
I know what you're
talking about
this is the shadiest shit
of all times
come on
I think it's HBO
Righteous Gemstones
Righteous Gemstones
oh shit
it
the
Gemstone
I didn't mean
enough to do that
The Righteous Gemstone
it is some part
man
oh from the creators
of Eastbound and Down
is this a new show
oh it's
these motherfuckers
are crazy
Danny McBride
Danny McBride
it's hilarious
she's fucking insane
oh look at this
they are insane
oh this looks good
oh my
you can't stop
watching this
wild ass shit
they are
fucking
it's on HBO
there's a thing
about those
kind of high rolling
preachers
like
what's that
fucking dude's name
the dude down
in Houston
the
Joel
Joel Osteen
yeah
shit
Joel Osteen
is fucking
high off the heart
him
and
and
what's my guy
those guys make
so much money
what's
what's the black guy
um
Potter's house
um
out of Dallas
the guy with the hot dogs
in the back of his neck
the big guy
damn I ain't never
looks like he's got a stack
of hot dogs
in the back of his neck
I've never
you know that hot dog fat
god damn it
this is the guy
that had that guy
coming off the ceiling
like on a
on the ropes
Potter's house
there's a lot of those guys
who is the reverend
of a Potter's house
um
that's the dude
he's famous
he's fucking
that's the guy
I don't know why
his god damn
name
what is it
yes
not Joel Osteen
what is his name
um
shit
I'm looking at him
T.D. Jakes
T.D. Jakes
yes
T.D. Jakes
that guy could have been
a comic
yeah
all those guys
the charisma
the way they deliver lines
T.D. Jakes is fucking
I um
I haven't told this story
but it's a um
it's a guy in Houston
I was at a wake
for my friend Andre
Reverend Dixon
Junior
oh he
he told the story
this shit
was so hysterical
I just
I'm trying to find a way
to put it in my
in my show
cause there's a point
to it
about
knowing what you have
he said he
he up there
he preaching
and he said
he bought a horse
he said
I'm a country boy
I bought a horse
from a man
and
I
rode the horse
for the first time
in a parade
I'm in a parade
and
I get by the band
and
the band starts playing
and the horse starts
dancing
moving
I'm like
I can't control it
I'm trying to get this horse
under control
and I can't control it
and I'm sitting there
listening to the story
like where the fuck is he going
with this shit
like
and
he said
then the band was stopping
and then the band
started playing again
the horse
I can't control him
he's dancing
I called him
I get through
the parade
and I called the man
I said
hey man
this horse ain't been broke
he can't obey
he said
what were you doing
with the horse
he said
I rode him in a parade
he said
okay
what happened
he said
the band started playing
and the horse
started moving
I couldn't control him
he said
oh
shit
oh cause he used to be
a show horse
he used to dance
to bands
and
his whole point was
I didn't know
what I had
he thought that
the horse was bad
but he was a show horse
and when the band
started playing
he started going
into the routine
you know what I'm saying
and I was
and I'm fucking
everybody else
trying to get a message
I'm in there dying
I'm like
yo this shit is hysterical
I'm like
who bought a horse
that don't know
the fuck the horse
then it's a show horse
trained to dance
I was like
Reverend Dixon
that shit is hysterical
to me
I'm like
and I'm like
yo I gotta find a way
to put that in my act
about not having
oh who is
this floating
that's what I thought
you were talking about
who is this guy
oh this is a Mississippi
he's got known
as the floating preacher
oh he got
I think he gets stuck
like halfway down
he got the Beyonce
he got the Beyonce shit
the Janet Jackson
Method Man and Red Man
and you get stuck
sort of just floating
here for a couple seconds
and they're like
what do you do
what do we do
that's hilarious
there's something
that they have
a showmanship
yeah
there's a
entertainment value
to the way they present
that you could learn
something from
because like
that's one of the things
that always bothered me
about the alt comedy scene
the alt comedy scene
specifically in LA
they didn't want to try hard
and they didn't like it
when people tried hard
they would get upset
like if someone came on the show
and like
how's everybody doing
they're like
oh
what is he doing
he's trying
he's trying hard
it's like a lack
of entertainment value
they wanted
it's almost like
they wanted the bar
super low
and they could just go up
and go
so
I'm at Starbucks
the other day
and
so the barista
you know
there's a barista
at Starbucks
it's a
you know
fancy word
for
guy who pours your coffee
you know
there's like
this alt style
of comedy
that's like
very low energy
you know
very
reference oriented
you know
they put up
they say a lot of like
obscure references
to be clever
and if you're
like a
powerful comic
like if you're
like a
a guy who's got a lot of
like a Bobby Lee type dude
who runs up there
and has all this energy
they don't want you there
they don't want you there
you're fucking up the show
by being too funny
it's
it's a weird dynamics
terrible dynamic
with comedy
like
me going into the alt scene
because I go in there
and they think that I'm like them
because I'm slow and methodical
and it's like
I don't think he's like us
like
no I'm not
like
it's a weird
dynamics
and then
it's the same
which is crazy to me
it's the same dynamics
as me going into
a hood room
they want
certain things
and I'm not
giving them that
I'm walking up
I'm sitting down
and you'll hear
people say
you alright
like
yeah I'm alright
I'm just sitting down
there's something wrong
with me sitting down
like
and they mind
like
why would you be sitting down
in stand up comedy
like
then I go into
what I do
and I have to
win you over
because
I think that it's a
it's a thing
with stand up
that the audience
a person
goes and see
they're not adventurous
in their
entertainment value
when it comes to
like
if you like a
Bruce Bruce
or Earthquake
why don't you think
you would like
a R Shafia
and a Joe Rogan
like what
what would make you think
you don't
you wouldn't like them
they're not my style
stand up
so
you come to
an Ali Sadiq show
with a preconceived notion
of what you feel
like comedy is
and if I'm not
doing that
then you sitting
there like
what is he doing
I'm being
the human being
that I am
and I'm gonna deliver
if you
don't come to
my show
looking for me
to be
another comic
right
that's the thing
that's got
comedy has genres
but it doesn't
it's like
if you go to see
live music
you never see
Wu-Tang Clan
followed by
Alan Jackson
you know
it's like
it's a style
of music
if you go to
a rock concert
you expect rock
you don't expect
folk music
you know
and like
but if you go to see
a comedy show
you could see
it could be
Aerosmith
it could be
Run DMC
it could be
Whitney Houston
it's like
the styles are so different
but it's all under
the guise of comedy
and you kind of
have to adjust
for each individual's
perspective
and some people
they want to hear
that Kinnison shit
they don't want to hear
anything slow
they want to hear
like rapid fire
they have an idea
in their head
yeah
a myopic idea
of like what comedy is
and I don't see it
like that
I see it as
I'm going
like
I would
it's people that I've seen
like I watched Ari last night
and I died
several deaths
watching Ari
like yo
this shit is
fucking hysterical
well he's doing that
new Jew special
that special
that he worked on
for a long time
this is
that's
it's tight
this shit is
very good
hysterical
it's very good
it's very well
written too
I'm talking about
even the
the small nuggets
that he said
let me
let me tell you
the funniest shit
like I
I had to stop
watching
because it was
so fucking funny
I couldn't laugh
I couldn't laugh
another second
and I still
went in the back
and laughed more
from behind
watching him
from behind
the stage
without the audience
just listening to it
he said
if
it was a time
because it's so relatable
it was a time
that
you didn't think
that you could talk
to girls
and he said
some shit in there
that's so fucking hysterical
the thing about
holding girls hand
and he goes
he said
if I could talk
to my 14 year old self
I would go back
in the future
and look
I don't have much time
I gotta tell you
and then he's talking
and then he said
your 14 year old self
looking at your new self
and he says
he looked at it
and he's like
yo look
some shit fails
like of his hair
he go like
look
fuck my hair
fuck with you
what's gonna happen
to you
and then he says
you're an asshole
that's why people
don't like you
in the future
if I go back
and look at my
14 year old self
my 14 year old self
looking at what
he's going to become
I'm like
look man
fuck you man
you ain't bad
get the fuck out of my face
like man
it's a great set
it's a great set
and
my role manager
Dre
Dre's always with me
and Dre
has probably learned
so much about
comedy
comedy
just being in the room
and seeing
the different dynamics
and last night
we were
he was in the room
and he was like
he never knew
that white comics
talk so much shit
just like black comics
like he was like
y'all all the fucking same
like all of y'all talk shit
that lady
y'all talk so much
about that lady bombing
he was like
he was like
yo
this is the same
shit y'all would be saying
like yo man
he just fucking sucks
like yo that lady
would have got so
it's comics that hate me
to this day
that I
cause I told them
that they shit was trash
like very early
I'm like yo man
you need to work on that shit
that shit is garbage son
like
and
now
I don't do that
like I
I won't tell you anything
if you think that you good
like
that lady
the disservice
by
this
sensitive
culture
that you don't
get what you actually need
to be
a beast in this game
like yo fucking skin
has to be toughened up
and
it's
this is what
I say about
the new generation
of the
the social media comedian
when you started
you weren't going
to what they
could
just go to politics
how it
how it res
politics
so Trump only did
um
interviews
on Fox
Kelly
Kelly and Conway
she only does
interviews on Fox
and I know this
because I listen
to Fox
and
when I'm listening
because I want to hear
these interviews
of people
who never come on
other media outlets
to answer
any type of
fucking question
and they call them
softball questions
they give them
fucking softballs
so as a comic
if you always
get softball
like you bringing
your audience
to the club
like these are people
and they fucking
love you
and they coming
just for you
but you don't have
a lineage
of how you started
like you don't have
a
I used to be
in the comedy store
I used to be
at the seller
I used to be
and just joking
I used to be
at the improv
and I'm fucking
getting this shit
together
and one time
Joe came in
like yo
the joke is hilarious
but you need
this
you don't have
this fucking
lineage of shit
that helps
you develop
so you're just
getting all softballs
so then when you
go into an audience
now you're on
what I call
one of these
conglomerate shows
with all different
types of comics
on the show
and you don't have
a lineage
and you have to
follow somebody
you have to go up
behind somebody
and you see
the difference
like
oh you never
had
to go up
after a monster
and still get
your shit off
you never
had to do
these things
so it handicaps
you in this
business
because
yo
I'm on this
show
you're popular
and he's popular
but you gotta
go up behind
Rogan
and Rogan
has taken
the room
on a fucking
journey
and now you
coming up
with the
hey
shit
they like
the fuck
out of here
like what are you
doing
then somebody else
comes behind you
and
destroys the room
again
and you like
oh it was the
crowd
like nah
it was you
it's the skill set
yeah
it's the fucking
skill set
it's managing the
moment too
yeah
some things
that you can do
maybe after you
got them
maybe if you
you get them
going for 20 minutes
then you could do
a slow pitch shit
you can do something
where they trust you
and then you could
you could take them
to a different place
but if you're going
on after Joey Diaz
and Joey Diaz
is murdering
that's one of the
reasons why I started
taking Joey on the
road with me
because I bombed
after him once
I took him on the
road with me to
New Jersey
and he destroyed
and I did not
I had a rough set
it wasn't bad
it wasn't like
the worst bombing
but it definitely
wasn't good
it was like
there was Joey
he was way stronger
than me
and then there was me
I was like
damn
I gotta bring
this dude
with me everywhere
I need that heat
yeah
it helped
it helped him
and it helped me
it helped me
because he would
crush so hard
that you had to be
able to ride that wave
you couldn't be nervous
about it
that's like half of it
is enjoying the person
who's on before you
laughing
so you go on stage
you're already laughing
you're having fun
yeah
do you know
Jeff Sewell
no
he um
used to be a booker
for the Houston Improvs
like all
Dallas and Addison
you know
all of
I used to think
he hated me
because he would
always talk to me
about how great
other comics was
like he would
never fucking
say anything
to me
about me
and
people would
it taught me
that you
your perception
of yourself
is definitely
important
because
Jeff
I would
run into
other people
and
Jeff would be like
they would tell me
like
Jeff Sewell
fucking loves you
I'm like what
he never says
anything good about me
like
to who
like
he fucking
raves about you
like
you're not there
like you're like
the one
for him
but he would
always tell me
about how great
other comics were
so
Bill Burr
wants somebody
to open
for him
he's getting ready
to do a special
and he
asked
Jeff Sewell
he's like yo
I need somebody
because I'm
doing
the Paramount
in Austin
I need somebody
who's going to
come in that room
and fucking
destroy this room
and
did I want to
come out on a high
who you
think
so I get a call
to open
for Bill Burr
and I'm like
okay cool
Bill Burr
is like
he comes in
my green room
he's like yo
I know
you're going to be
fucking
great
Jeff
said
if you want
to kill her
in front of you
this is one
I'm like
what
Jeff fucking
says that you
like the man
so whatever
the pair of my
hoses sold out
I walk out there
and it's literally
two black people
in the whole
entire place
it's me
and an usher
and I had on
all black
and I never forget
when I walked out
I said hey
let me tell y'all
something before
I even start
this is the worst
fucking place
to wear all black
and I want y'all
to know
I do not
work here
I don't know
what the fucking
restrooms are
I don't know
anything
because people
were stopping
me like
hey you know
what the restrooms are
and I'm like
why the fuck
people ask me
like I've done
before
and I'll notice
that I had
on all black
and I fucking
destroyed
and Bill came
and said
yo any fucking
thing you need
from me
like you need
me to help
you in any way
I will refer
you
I will do
any fucking
thing
thank you
and I was
like
Jeff
I was like
thank Jeff
like I really
thought that he
was like
yo you shit
but Jeff
Jeff was like
yo you fucking
but he
he just couldn't
give it to me
because he felt
like I've been
in this room
since 2000
at 2011
it used to be
spell binders
before it was
the improv
he had a fucking
rainforest
and I used to
go there
and he just
never
paid fucking
attention to me
and when he
told me he got
sick
he was like
I always thought
you were fucking
great
like always
like
but I couldn't
tell you
like I didn't
want you to
fucking stop
trying to
get it
like if
somebody tells
you that you
great up front
and you
never
you'd never
strive to be
better
than that
like even
with
with myself
like I do
an album
or I do
a special
and
I want the
I want the
next one
to be better
than the last
one
I don't
I don't see
it any other
any other way
why would you
why would you
start declining
or why would you
go there
because you
it's different
facets of
your growth
in stand-up
yeah
and
I
I think
you can
always be
original
in this
in this
business
if you being
honest about
who you are
and the growth
you're not
supposed to be
doing the same
thing
I've been
doing it
what
almost 24
years
I'm not
supposed to be
the same
as I was
in the first
10 years
of course
not
because the
first 10
years
I used to
do this
joke about
this story
actually about
getting body
slammed in a
fight
I wasn't
ready
this dude
like we
fighting
and we
get close
and he
fucking
picks me up
and body
slams me
and I'm
like yo
after you
get body
slammed in
the fight
you fucking
lost
I don't
give a damn
what happened
after that
you fucking
lost
it's like
your shoe
coming off
in a fight
you fucking
lost
and I
would
I would
do this
flip
boom
I would
land on my
back
and I'd
be on
the ground
and I
know
the older
I get
I'm not
going to
continue to
be able
to do
this shit
this is not
a long
standing
joke
fuck this
story
because I have
to do the
flip in order
to sell
like
no
I'm not
so I'm
supposed to
develop
into
something
a little
better than
what I was
in the beginning
the first
10
the first
15
if you don't
have a lineage
how do you
do that
like how do
you learn
to get better
how do you
have a desire
I'm like
Seabiscuit
I see
you running
and I
want to run
faster to
catch you
but if I
don't have
that desire
in me
I'm cool
with being
number 7
and thinking
and having
this illusion
that I'm
great
but I'm
only playing
in front
of the
softball
audience
yeah
you gotta
have a lot
of people
around you
that are
good too
yeah
it's very
important
it's very
rare that
you go
to a town
and there's
no one
good
except
one guy
it's very
rare
very rare
there's like
one standout
world class
comedian
that's in
a town
by himself
existing
in a vacuum
yeah
they're never
it's a lot
of great
comics
out of
Houston
like
I've been
around
a lot
of great
like when
people say
what's your
influences
I start
with Houston
guys
the history
it's huge
and I know
DC has
the Mecca
and New York
feel like
they have
something
and LA
feel like
and I would
argue
the point
about
Texas comics
I would argue
like man
we stronger
than you
think
and we play
we Midwest
Midwest
comics
I think
talk from
a different
perspective
because they
don't have
this
this
grandioso
idea
that they
I'm LA
and I'm
New York
or I'm
Atlanta
I'm like
nah
we the
Midwest
and we
got a lot
of shit
to talk
about
yeah
and
I just
think
it's not
a better
thing
it's a
what's more
accepted
and I
I think
the audiences
in the
Midwest
are
regular
people
and when
you want
to do
stand up
you talking
to
regular
people
that's not
got this
I remember
performing in LA
and it felt like
the audience
was waiting on
somebody else
like the whole
I never
I didn't even go
up
they're waiting on someone famous
I'm like
they waiting
on something
like they holding laughs
like I'm not gonna give it all to you
I'm like man that guy's hysterical
give it up to him
LA's a pretentious place
and a lot of the people that are in that audience
either want to be in the business
wish they were actors
wish they were famous
or they're peripheral to it
they're agents
or managers
they're jaded and weird
and they're all social climbers
it's like
there's a weirdness to it
like when someone famous goes on stage
like oh yes
someone who is of the caliber of fame
but there could be someone before them
that's funnier
and they don't even care
they don't care
they're not just trying to have fun
there's a pretentiousness to it
that's more
New York's got a hardness to it
that I kind of like
LA's got a pretentiousness to it
but when you're in a place like Houston
all the pretentiousness is out the window
it's just are you good
are you good
but that's like
Willie D and I talked about that
with the hip hop scene
in Houston
it was the same thing
when the Ghetto Boys were exploding
yeah
when the Ghetto Boys were hot
like there was a whole different style of rap
coming out of this one section of the country
and you had to respect it
Brad Jordan
Scarface
I'm talking about
it changed the cadence
oh yeah
of people
and Willie D
and Bushwick Bill
but then you had this whole
entourage of other rappers
that came behind
Zero
and Slim Thug
and Lil Kiki
and Big Pokey
and UGK
and that's phenomenal
that our first verses
is about to be
Bun B
with UGK
versus
A Ball and MJG
that's the first South verses
everything else
has been in LA
and New York
and this is a
R&B
this is a South thing
and I know they gonna
turn up
cause
Bun is
Bun is like
he's becoming
like the mayor
of the city
then you have all these
like
Beat King
and
Megan
look at Megan Thee Stallion
look at Travis Scott
like these are people
that's from Houston
that this
whole
Toby
it's this whole
revolution of
rappers
that
that spawned from
the initial
style of the
ghetto boys
all that rap a lot
records
yeah rap man
Jay Prince
and then you had
people that came down
like Tony Draper
with Suave House
you had
all these other guys
that stuck
the South
Rose
I remember being
I remember the Source magazine
if he could pull that up
the Source magazine
where they had
all of the
Houston rappers
on the Source
and I remember
walking through New York
I bought
I bought it
in New York
I'm like yeah
you see
fucking the South
is on the
fucking cover
of the Source magazine
look at that
look at that
don't mess with Texas
look at little
look at
look at
Chameleon Air
Pimp C
Slim Thug
Bun B
Zero
Jay Prince
Lil Flip
OG Ron C
Michael 5000 Watts
fucking
my man right there
Mike Jones
and Scarface
on the end
I was in Mike Jones
video
back then
you didn't want me
now I'm hot
you're all on me
like that was a
big
and that shit said
don't mess with Texas
why Houston
region won't be
man
this shit was like
phenomenal
you need that with rap
and you need that
with comedy
you need a scene
if we
if Houston
did that
with comics
it would be
oh yeah
that's the
and that's the
that's the overall
look at the overall
picture
with Lil
with Lil O
and Chingo
you know Chingo Bling
do comedy now
Chingo Bling
yeah Chingo Bling
is a comic
man that's the
the ESG
Big Hawk
Pokey
man
it's a team
like DM
like it's a song
by this guy named
DMD
oh man look at
man
it's a great photo too
it's the fucking squad
that's on
that's on J Prince's ranch
really
yeah man
it's like
look at that shit
man
that's Texas
and it was
and I was proud
man look at Lil Kiki
look at
Hard Body Chiyote
Pokey
Hulk
man this shit was
phenomenal
man
I remember getting chills
when I saw this shit
I was like
yo man
Texas
is on the fucking map
and when you talk about comedy
it's like
if we did that
with comedy
with Bill Hicks
and Sam Kennison
Thea Vidal
Bruhman
Billy D. Washington
um
Roushon McDonald
um
fucking David Raybon
myself
Marcus D. Wilding
Terry Gross
Keira Space
Des White
um
Dave Lawson
it's so many comics
that's been influential
and then we still
we still have
Shane Wayne
we have the
we have the
the whites
man we
fucking
Bob Biggestaff
it's like some
phenomenal comics
man
we like
yo man
our R&B scene
man
you watch
The Winning Game
no
it's with um
it's about
The Rise of the Lakers
with Dr. Jerry Buss
I read the credits
I read the credits too
and it's a
it's an R&B
artist
a jazz artist
by the name of
Robert Glasper
and I'm reading
the credits
and I paused it
when I saw
musical director
Robert Glasper
and it's just
fucking
it's like
fucking Houston
it's all over the place
you see yourself
living anywhere else ever
nah
just Houston
it just
it's in the blood
like
it's H
it's H town
so when you
decided to film your special
you wanted to do it
in Houston
I wanted to do it
I actually
I actually
I did it intimate
but I'm still
searching for the love
from my city
cause I
I think that I represent
so well
and I think that
my
the things
the people who
who spawn off of me
represent well
Kevin Iso
and Bryson Brown
and all these
Kevin Iso
has a show on Showtime
Flatbush Misdemeanor
he's a writer
you know
and he wrote
he in his second season
it's a fucking great show
and
I
I think that
my representation
of what spawns
off of me
and what I've done
when I
when I
go out on the show
like I
I never try to
misrepresent my city
when I'm performing
on TV or anything
because I
I want
them to be proud
to be like
yo that's
that's
he
as proud as I am
when I see
somebody from Houston
I want them to be
that like
when I found out
Thea Vidal
was from Houston
she's been in all
these great movies
I was like
yo she from Houston
like
I lost my shit
when I found out
Booker T
was from Houston
like
fucking
Rassler
I'm like
yo
anybody from
my city
that's doing
something
whether it's
political
whether it's
art
whether it's
educational
whatever you doing
I'm like
yo it's
fucking Houston
right
and
I just see
I just see
I wanted to do it
in the Toyota Center
I'm one of them people
that
I want
I don't want
Dave Chappelle
and
Kevin Hart
and
all these other people
that come to my city
and play the Toyota Center
or Gary Owens
and Michael Blackson
come to the improv
and sell out 14
15 shows
and shit like that
and then
I don't
do the same thing
like that shit
it's a driving force
like
how you get so much love
or what did you do
and I'm
cause I'm not an actor
I'm not a
I'm not
I don't look at sitcoms
and movies
and desire that shit
I'm a stand up
and I want to do it
from the stand up
position
because
a lot of these
other greats
were doing it
from the stand
Colin
was in Car Wash
with
fucking one of the
greatest comics
of all time
which is
Franklin Ajay
he was the fly
in the Car Wash
and
I don't think
that the movie
was what compelled him
what people wanted
I think it was his words
it was his stand up
cause those were
somebody else's words
I want to do it
yeah
with my
look at that
man
look at George Carlin
yeah
I like
I fuck it
like this is one of my moves
like I
I know the whole soundtrack
I love every song
and I know every scene
76
yeah
wow
like I would love
to be in a movie
like Taxi
with a bunch
of other comics
and
I think for you
it's just a matter
of a special like this
and maybe
you know
more specials like this
you're undeniable
when people see it
they'll get it
like this year
I want to
I want to be the first comic
to ever win an Emmy
for a comedy special
that's not on a network
because I'm like
Louis CK already did that
he won an Emmy
yeah
Louis CK won an Emmy
or a Grammy
he won a Grammy
that's right
he won a Grammy
I'm hoping
can you even win an Emmy
if you're not on a network
is
is
is it a television show
award
it's YouTube TV
is it
do people on YouTube
win Emmys
hopefully
hopefully
it can happen
I think that
I want to try to push the envelope
to where people say
hey man
do what they feel bad
do me like
yo listen
I know
that it was on
I know them other guys
it was on Netflix
or HBO
or something else
but
it's gonna be a problem
if we
if we say
this is the best special
of 2022
and we give it to somebody
fuck those awards
though man
the people will give you
your own award
just by seeing you
who is the
deciding vote
on the Grammys
or the Emmys
get the fuck out of here
who are those people
who are they
fuck off
the thing is
to achieve some shit
without
them
having to
like
I would
I remember DL
told me
when I was on
Bring the Funny
and I was talking to him
he was like
you think you gonna win
I was like
I hope
but I went in
I went in it
my agent Joe
Joe would tell anybody
he
cause he talked me into doing it
I said cool
we'll do it
I tried to lose
every fucking round
cause I
I was on tour
I was like
yo I'd rather just
do the tour dates
I don't
I don't need this shit
and he's like
gonna do it
so every round
I was like
I kept my shit packed
like I was like
we're gonna go do the round
I'm shortening these stories
down to two minutes
and thirty seconds
to get this shit off
and I'm just
whatever job I'm doing
cool
and I keep advancing
and I would call Joe
I'm like
I made it to the next round
he's like
okay good
and then
and I was like
fuck
so I would make it
to the next round
and DL
by the
by the
third round
now I got the taste
of blood in my mouth
like
I wanna win this shit now
and DL was like
I don't want you to win
I said what
I don't want you to win
I want you to be the person
that people
wanted to win
and didn't
like
what
he said
more people gonna see you
more people gonna come
to the shows to see you
because they
they wanted you
to win
and you didn't
and they wanted
and they wanted
to come tell you
and
I
sometimes
I doubt my mentors
like I doubt
the experience
I don't know fucking why
and I'm like
so then I lose
and anybody
who watched the show
would see my face
like I don't have
I don't have a poker face
at all
whatever the fuck is on my mind
is on it
so they
they panned
the audio
I'll never forget
the cameraman did
just like this
so they
they announced the winner
and everybody's cheering
and shit
but this is my face
like your face is right now
they was panning like this
and that man got right to me
and went the camera up
and then
did everybody else
because my face was like this
I'm not clapping for that shit
like I'm not
and
when I didn't win
I was like okay
fuck it
and then people
started coming to the shows
telling me how they
you should have won
and I was like
fuck he right again
damn it
so
we decided to do this podcast
again
we did one just a few months ago
but we decided to do it again
because
on the last one
we were just talking about stuff
and
HBO didn't like what you said
yeah
and they pulled your special
yeah
and
you know
you have opinions about things
you're supposed to be
allowed to have opinions about things
but
when you have opinions about
what they want to deem
uh
protected class
and that's like
I mean
we were talking about gay people
and
your opinion was about
gay people
adopting children
yeah
I said my thoughts
and
I didn't
the thing about a thought
I'm not saying I'm right
I'm not saying I'm wrong
I'm telling a thought
now it's on
the
what I think
to either be
altered
corrected
more information
whatever
the situation is
but that's not going to happen
right off the top
without having
without me having a conversation
about it
and knowing that
error
is
plays a large part
in how people think
the error
that you grew up in
and then your experiences
my experience
with
things
were that
people
who
was in a certain lifestyle
that I know
didn't want certain things
that
it wasn't a part
of what they were doing
so
that's my experience
those are my thoughts
am I
am I wrong
not in thinking
a thought
I'm not out
doing the rallying
for it
I'm just saying
what my thought was
in a conversation
I'm allowed
to do that
I'm not saying
that you can't have anything
I'm just saying
my thoughts
on something
I didn't think
that the Lakers
should have got
Westbrook
I didn't think
that it was a good fit
do
do the Laker Nation
come after me
because I
I had a thought about
hey
I think that
Magic Johnson
is the greatest
basketball player
of all times
I think Bill Russell
is the greatest
basketball mind
of all times
if you like
Jordan
you like Jordan
but I will have
a discussion
with you
about the greatness
of Magic Johnson
but this was a discussion
about whether or not
gay people should be able
to adopt children
and you felt like
they don't
they're not making children
that was never a thing
when you were young
that gay guys
didn't want children
and then all of a sudden
they do
and you felt like
it didn't fit
that was my thoughts
I didn't
I wasn't rallying
for anything
I didn't think
it was hateful
it's a complex subject
right
because what your point was
is they're not
making the children
and what other people's
points would be
but yeah
wouldn't you just want
the kids to be
in a loving family
and if the gay family
loves them
and supports them
and raises them
far better than being
in foster care
far better than being abused
I think that
that's the
the extreme
that people
put it on
like
I saw a dude
who was
who was giving this
commentary on the
on the talk
without taking in
the whole context
of it
but then he was like
he's been indoctrinated
in this
and he
his thoughts are
he's been indoctrinated
in something
I'm like
nah I just
I'm just a human being
and certain things
in my era
but
they're saying
you were indoctrinated
to something wrong
with gay people
like
I never
I never thought that
nor did I ever say that
did you have a conversation
with anybody about it
like did anybody
talk to you
and say hey
we'd like to know
why you think
what you think
no they threatened me
with violence
they threatened me
with like a lot of people
threatened me with violence
and I was sending my address
to those people
like yo you bring that shit on
if you want to
let me
in what way
they're threatening you
yo I'ma come
knock your fucking teeth
down your throat
and make you
how you think
that's gonna make me
change anything
and what am I gonna be doing
while you're knocking
my teeth down my throat
like what you gonna
what am I gonna be doing
you think this is a fucking movie
that I'ma just be
just taking it
like yo
but this is
that was my point
you
your first thing
was to do
was not to rationally
have a discussion
your thing was
to
threaten me with violence
well that's one person
no that was
no one
that was
that was
that was
no person
ever
DM'd me
and said
I would like to have
a conversation
with you
about your thoughts
did anybody from HBO
want to have a conversation
with you
nah
did you speak to anybody
or is it spoken
to your agent
and then
spoken to my
and I asked
for a conversation
and when we had
the conversation
I started the conversation
off by this
do you think
that I am
an honest man
Ali this is not
about your honesty
yes it is
do you think
that I am
an honest man
yeah
now we can have
the conversation
because if you don't
think that I'm
an honest man
there's no reason
for me to go forward
with this conversation
right
sitting across
from me
do you think
I'm a home folk
sitting right across
from me
mean you having
dinner
no
okay
um
I happened
to watch
New Rules
with Bill Maher's
last Friday
something
I was tired
came from the show
exhausted
turned on
HBO
obviously I have
no problem
I watch a lot
of HBO shows
I have no
ill feelings
about them
they decision
or what not
no trip
still gonna watch
my same
HBO shows
and
then I hear
Bill Maher
talking after
New Rules
and he goes
in
like really
lays out
some shit
and then
Sam Jay
and Sam Jay
show
comes on
right after
that
and Sam Jay
is a lesbian
black lesbian
woman
that's a comic
she has a show
on HBO
which I'm
which I'm on
and
she goes
in about
how the
LGBT community
does not
represent her
as a
black
lesbian
woman
and she's
talking to
these people
and she's
giving a
whole
candid
understanding
about how
the shit
does not
relate to
her
same
thought
patterns
of
understanding
like yo
explain to me
why
XYZ
and I'm
sitting there
looking like
wow
some people
are free
to say
whatever they
choose to say
and some
people are
not
and when
you feel
like you
can
handicap
a
person
and she
says on
this
she said
I think
that it's
a bunch
of
entitled
fucking
white
people
that's
pulling
the strings
of what
and the
lady
that she
says it
to
agrees
and said
I think
it's a lot
of
people
that
lobby
for power
and they
feel like
they can
take a
stance
on this
that
and the
third
without
no
conversation
if
you
manufacturing
the consent
of
anything
you
manufacture
like
you
manufacturing
consent
like
everybody
agrees
but I'm
a part of
everybody
right or wrong
because I
have a
different
thought
your
first
thing
was
to
less
because
he has
a
thought
and
a person
that may
not know
him
because
the
person
who
knows
me
who
wanted
the
special
understands
to a
certain
degree
but it's
not in
their
hand
it's
another
person
that
has
this
and we
talk
about
it
but this
is a
thing
that
I'm
not
rallying
for
anything
but I
understand
that's
why I
have no
ill
feelings
about
their
decision
that's
your
decision
to
not
put
me
on
your
network
because
of
expected
backlash
that did
not
come
because
people
like
it's
a
thought
he's
expected
backlash
from
you
doing
the
podcast
the
same
what
you
said
and
then
they
were
anticipating
that there
was going
to be
some
attack
on
you
yeah
basically
but it
didn't
really
happen
there's
few
DMs
I
got
a few
DMs
and
people
like
what
else
is
a
goddamn
heterosexual
48-year-old
black
male
Muslim
gonna
say
what else
he gonna
say
what the
fuck
but it's
also
like
what I
would
like
to see
is
people
have
a
conversation
about
it
like
it's
a
adopting
children
is a
complex
conversation
it's a
complex
conversation
for
everybody
and
it's
not
just
and
it's
not
just
the
skill
of
what
you
want
you
also
have
to
understand
that
you
send
if
my
son
or
my
daughter
wanted
to
do
something
that
I
know
as a
heterosexual
parent
I'm
concerned
about
the
shit
that
I
do
that
my
kids
have
to
explain
that
may
not
be
equipped
to
explain
it
and
you
don't
have
a
pamphlet
of
information
that
I
can
go
to
to
explain
anything
then
right after
that
I
did
this
joke
which
I
think
I
still
think
it's
fucking
funny
because
it
happened
and
my
four-year-old
she
we in
the elevator
a man
comes on
there with
a face
full of
makeup
we got
a full
what they
call
beat
face
and
my
daughter
like
daddy
why
that
man
got
on
makeup
I'm
not
thinking
about
this
shit
right
now
my
mind
is
on
something
else
I
don't
have
time
to
explain
this
shit
I
said
he
in
a
band
that's
all
I
said
he's
a
band
I
don't
know
fucking
band
he
in
the
band
so
my
four
year old
is
still
like
she
see
a
man
with
makeup
on
she
doesn't
think
anything
but
oh
he
must
be
in
a
band
but
that's
what
I
I
don't
have
time
to
go
into
this
shit
right
now
with
her
in
this
elevator
right
with
this
guy
I
don't
know
what
the
situation
is
he
could
have
bad
skin
I
don't
know
what
the
situation
is
but
the
quickest
thing
I
can
say
right
now
he's
in
a
band
and
people
laugh
and
then
get
mad
when
other
people
want
to
get
mad
with
it
but
it's
almost
like
the
Will
Smith
thing
Will
laughed
Jada
wasn't
happy
now he
slaps
Chris
what
the
just
happened
Will
you
just
laughing
but
I
think
that
if
you
are
able
to
laugh
at
somebody
else's
disposition
you
should
be
able
to
laugh
when
I'm
on
stage
I'm
saying
a
lot
of
shit
that
people
may
not
agree
with
you
may
not
agree
with
the
parenting
style
of
my
parents
but
you
can't
go
back
and
change
that
my
mom
did
what
she
did
it
made
me
who
I
am
and
you
pick
up
things
but
man
I
never
forget
Mr.
Reggie
ran
the
day
center
and
Mr.
Reggie
was
this
black
gay
guy
asked
one
time
I
said
Mr.
Reggie
you
want
kids
he
said
hell
no
I
don't
even
want
y'all
to
be
here
I
was
like
damn
Mr.
Reggie
he's
like
me
y'all
get on
my
goddamn
nerves
like
but
he
I
think
that
white
experience
even
in this
world
is
different
than
black
experience
because
my
cologne
man
Keith
you
have
a
cologne
man
yeah
he
supplies
colognes
at the
barbershop
and he
gets the
best shit
so
and
Keith
is our
barbershop
and we
have
no
rules
we do
not
censor
our
conversation
for
Keith
and
when
Keith
comes
in
I
remember
Keith
got
his
fucking
hair
he
got
some
hair
implants
and
I
I'm
talking
about
Keith
has
done
so
much
to
himself
and
when
he
comes
in
and
I
see
him
I'm
going
to
say
some
wild
shit
to
Keith
he
knows
he's
getting
it
yeah
and
when
he
comes
in
Keith
don't
give
a
shit
about
what
I'm
saying
Keith
was
like
yo
man
you
want
this
cologne
or
not
like
you
just
got
get
your
eyes
done
Keith
you
have
on
cinnamon
contacts
or
you
just
out
on
the
fucking
proud
today
huh
Keith
he's
like
he doesn't
give a
shit
about
what
I
and
he
doesn't
care
what
I
go to
Midtown
Barbershop
he
doesn't
give a
shit
about
anything
that we
say
about
him
in
that
barbershop
and
he's
not
the
only
gay
person
that
comes
to
the
barbershop
he's
been
coming
there
for
years
and
Keith
he's
a
is
said
that's
not
bothering
him
because
we're
not
violent
towards
him
we're
just
talking
shit
this is
a
barbershop
if
you
come in
if you
straight
and you
come in
with some
weird
shit
on
some
shit
gonna be
said
about
you
it
just
it
happens
so
Keith
come in
I ain't
seen
Keith
in a
while
I
said
Keith
where
you
been
and
man
I
had
a
little
procedure
I'm
in
the
hospital
and
I
immediately
said
oh
you
getting
your
stomach
pumped
like
I
immediately
said
the
shit
Keith
like
you
a
fucking
asshole
like
I'm
just
saying
but
I
don't
think
that
they
understand
how
black
people
operate
even
in
the
space
you
think
there's
nobody
gay
in
my
family
my
cousin
know
I
don't
fucking
hate
him
I
don't give
a
your
sexuality
so
they
want
you
to
not
talk
about
things
as
loosely
I
guess
and
not
and
take
into
consideration
that
you
would
hurt
gay
people's
feelings
that
want
to
be
parents
I
would
probably
hurt
anybody's
feelings
if
I'm up
there
talking
about
things
that I
think
that's
contrary
to
you
if
that's
where
your
feelings
are
based
but
my
actions
are
contrary
like I
say
on
stage
that I'm
not a
handy
man
am I
really
not a
handy
man
fuck
no
I
have
been
not
handy
in the
past
but
now
I
can
figure
out
how
to
fix
anything
and
if
I
can't
figure
out
I'm
going to
call
somebody
to
ask
just
like
I
asked
people
but
it
was
all
black
people
I
say
you
heard
what
I
said
on
Rogan
yeah
would
you
offend
it
no
I
buy
the
fucking
lease
but
that's
my
I
think
it's
a
subject
that
they
don't
want
you
talking
about
at
all
unless
their
opinion
their
opinion
yeah
the
manufacturing
consent
well
and
it
comes
it's
not
just
about
that
Mario
Lopez
had to
apologize
because
he was
talking
about
children
taking
hormones
to
transition
and
he
said
he
just
didn't
think
that
it
should
happen
that
children
should
take
hormones
to
become
a
different
gender
and
he
almost
lost
his
fucking
job
and
because
he
thought
something
because
he
had
an
opinion
about
and
by
the
way
that's
an
opinion
shared
by a lot
of
medical
doctors
that's
an opinion
shared
by a lot
of
psychologists
that's
opinion
shared
by a lot
of
people
that
are
very
concerned
and
he
almost
lost
his
job
because
you
can't
have
an
opinion
that
even
like
I
told you
before
in the
first
podcast
I
had
one
of
my
old
neighbors
they're
gay
and
they
had
a
kid
and
they
adopted
this
kid
and
this
kid
was
great
and
they
had
a
great
family
it
does
work
I
don't
have
the
same
opinion
as
you
as far
as
that
but
you're
allowed
to
have
different
opinions
about
everything
in
my
mind
everything
that's
the
look
that's
what
podcasts
are all
about
conversations
are all
about
I want
to know
why you
think
the way
you
think
and
if
you
have
a
perception
and
you
have
a
way
that
you
look
at
things
and
it's
different
than
the
way
I
look
at
things
I
just
want
to
see
why
you
think
that
way
and
you
were
this
is
not
the
same
kind
of
relationship
as
a
man
and
woman
who
have
a
child
and
then
raise
a
child
and
it's
like
it
comes
out
of
the
woman's
body
and
it
it's
a
different
thing
it's
a
different
thing
but
when
people
do
research
they
it's
what
they call
a
hypothesis
is
they
they
trying
to
figure
out
what
works
they
have
educated
guess
and
then
they
start
working
towards
it's
research
so
you
think
something
and
then
you
start
to
go
through
it
pros
cons
some
things
like
with
the
vaccination
some
people
got
sick
some
people
didn't
is
the
vaccination
bad
I don't
know
some
people
got
sick
some
people
didn't
I
don't
think
the
vaccination
is
good
cool
some
people
got
sick
some
people
didn't
you
don't
think
you
should
take
it
cool
what's
that
what
all
these
non
vaxxers
what
like
okay
were you
asking
people
to get
vaccinated
five
years
ago
ten
years
ago
from
other
shit
but
not
this
new
shit
that
people
don't
have
the
enough
information
on
just
yet
so
therefore
I
don't
want
to
fucking
do
it
right
now
but
it
is
another
one
of
those
things
where
you
have
to
have
the
same
opinion
as
everybody
else
or
they
get
furious
at
you
get
extra
but
what
does
your
fury
do
but
cause
more
rage
and
I
don't
think
I
think
they
just
like
in
this
situation
like
the
subject
that
we're
talking
about
gay
people
adopting
children
I
think
people
just
want
compliance
they
want
you
to
comply
with
whatever
the
narrative
that
they're
trying
to
establish
it
it's
the
same
thing
when
Mario
Lopez
was
talking
about
children
taking
hormones
it's
like
there's
a
narrative
they
don't
want
you
to
have
an
opinion
outside
the
situation
with
you
and
HBO
is
look
I
told
you
this
last
night
and
I
believe
it
now
I
think
it's
good
not
necessarily
good
to
have
these
people
upset
at
you
but
good
that
you
put
it
on
YouTube
because
the
distribution
is
so
much
better
you'll
get
millions
more
views
millions
more
views
it'll
be
accessible
anytime
anybody
wants
it
for
free
anytime
you
just
pull
up
your
phone
bam
you're
waiting
for
a
plane
bam
watch
it
anytime
you
want
bam
watch
it
it's
always
available
you'll
get
millions
more
views
it's
so
much
better
for
you
and
I
think
people
will
understand
the
thought
process
of
a
lot
more
things
I'm
starting
at
I made
decisions
at
10
that I
knew
were bad
decisions
later
on
but
if
somebody
would have
protected
me
from
that
decision
my
sister
tried
was
like
nah
I
don't
think
that's
the
way
to
go
and
sometimes
you gotta
learn
for
yourself
and
so
I
think
even
when
I'm
a
child
and
I'm
walking
through
life
as a
child
and
I'm
making
a lot
of
bad
decisions
that I
know
now
that
will
I would
never want
my child
to go
through
hey
man
let me
give
you
a
lot
more
if
I
wish
I
just
want
to
build
a
confidence
up
in
children
that
they
will
not
succumb
to
these
outside
forces
that's
pulling
you
towards
things
that's
contrary
to
your
moral
standings
on
things
it's
hard
it's
hard
for
people
because
they
get
to
school
and
there's
so
many
people
that
want
you
to
believe
a
certain
way
like
I've
talked
to
kids
that
told
me
and
these
12
year
old
kids
that
they
were
getting
bullied
at
school
because
they
weren't
vaccinated
and
other
kids
were
vaccinated
and
I'm
like
what
12
year
old
understands
the
ramifications
of getting
vaccinated
for
something
that
they
have
zero
fear
of
getting
sick
and
hospitalized
for
somebody
say
to
unless
you're
obese
unless
there's
something
wrong
with
you
unless
you're
immunocompromised
the
hard
science
on
COVID
is
young
children
that
are
healthy
children
are
rarely
hospitalized
very
very
very
rarely
far
more
vulnerable
to
the
flu
my
kids
had it
the
flu
or
COVID
mine
too
my
kids
had it
and
we
tried
to
isolate
them
from
my
daughter
who
has
allergies
and
she
we
wake up
in the
night
she
in
the
bed
with
her
sister
and
her
brother
that
both
had
COVID
like
we
trying
to
keep
you
safe
and
she
was
like
no
need
to
be
with
my
family
and
she
never
caught
it
and
they
had
it
and
my
kids
are
fine
my
kids
both
got
it
and
they
were
fine
they
got
over
it
easy
one
kid
just
got
a
headache
the
other
kid
felt
like
she
had
little
bit
of
a
cold
for
a
day
it
was
one
of
those
things
though
where
the
heightened
fear
and
they
were
pushing
it
so
hard
the
difference
between
the
way
they
felt
about
it
here
versus
the
way
they
felt
about
it
in
LA
LA
they're
still
scared
they're
still
wearing
masks
everywhere
I
mean
it's
it's
so
different
out
here
no
one
gave
a
fuck
that's
one
of
the
reasons
why
my
kids
wanted
to
move
here
when
we
came
out
here
in
May
of
2020
and
my
kids
were
like
mommy
I
want
to
move
here
come
on
daddy
let's
live
here
I'm
like
I'll
fucking
move
here
I
I
will
move
here
I
do
not
like
each
other
Texas
people
a little
more
spread
it
out
and
he's
like
yo
man
I
don't
even
see
that
many
people
get the
fuck
out
here
I'm
not
just
and
I
think
that
with
people are
so quick
to give
somebody
a phobia
yeah
or
diagnose
somebody
because I
like
things in
order
oh
you
OCD
I
just
like
maybe
I
just
like
balance
you
have
ADHD
because
you
can't
pay
attention
to
boring
shit
that's
what it
is
man
I
don't
want
to
watch
some
weird
ass
TED talk
you
got
ADHD
no
no
I
don't
how many
kids are
getting
medicated
because
they're
bored
in
school
a lot
I
never
forget
my
daughter
like
I
remember
homeschool
had a
phobia
of
like
people
your
kids
not
gonna
be
socialized
right
your
kid
is
gonna
be
this
good
homeschool
is
way
better
I
remember
my
daughter
my
oldest
daughter
Jaden
she's
a
chef
at
James
Harden
restaurant
13
she
was in
school
and
the
teacher
said
that
she
was
being
disruptive
in
class
and
I
went
and
I
just
snuck
and
looked
to see
what
she
was
doing
she
was
in
kindergarten
and
she
had
already
been
my
daughter
was
reading
at
three
so
now
you
in
there
doing
colors
and
numbers
and
she's
in
the
back
doing
shit
like
this
they
like
what
color
is
blue
and
she
in
the
back
B-L-U-E
blue
what
are we
doing
man
she's
advanced
it's like
her and
this other
guy
I know
his mom
they moved
him to
this school
long fellow
that had
a gifted
and talented
program
they both
were in
gifted
and talented
all through
elementary
all through
middle school
all through
high school
never was
bored in
class
because they
were being
stimulated
and
you got
a lot
of shit
to do
so
I think
that
that's
a part
of it
as well
this kid
don't have
ADHD
this kid
is bored
at this
goddamn
bullshit
ass
curriculum
that you
have
they're like
you teaching
me
god
non-interested
teachers
too
oh man
non-interested
teachers
man
this shit
just bothers
me
and
I say
this
and I know
teachers
get upset
every time
I say
this
I get
backlash
but
when people
get upset
about things
you have
to think
about it
I've seen
teachers walk
out for
more pay
maybe twice
we walk
they get
us on strike
for more pay
maybe more
times than that
I'm just going
on times
I just
currently
think of
but they
never walk
out for
a better
curriculum
for children
like they
say the
school system
is not
this not
that
and it
is not
challenging
but you
never walk
out
for a
better
curriculum
they can't
get it
together
on the
same page
we want
to teach
these kids
and really
teach
these kids
United States
kids
to be
in the
upper echelon
of intelligent
children
and intelligent
people
in the
world
I wonder
where we rank
at right now
in
education
where does the
United States
rank
in education
is pretty
low
let's
guess
36
I'll
say
30
I bet
we're
lower
than that
so
why not
adopt
why be
so arrogant
not to
adopt
somebody
else's
who's
number
one
let's
adopt
that
curriculum
and put
that
curriculum
and put
that
attitude
in
your
kids
go to
school
and eat
what
type
of
fucking
food
right
do they
have
do they
have
a five
five star
chef
back there
giving nutritious
food to the
children
one of the
one of the
things about
my son
when he went
to school
he complained
about the
bathroom
being filthy
filthy
and not
having enough
time to
eat
and he was
done with
the shit
like he like
he went to
school for
three months
and then that
was it
he's never
been bad
he was
done
with the
shit
like
it's a
kid that
knows the
quality of
education
is like
yo
I can't
even borrow
when I'm
doing math
I don't
what the
fuck
is this
like you
taught me
how to
borrow
and I'm
a math
fucking
magician
I used to
I was a
street farmer
school rep
I know
math
I know
both
fucking
systems
what's the
number
honestly
world ranking
when you type it
in it says
we're number
one
so the first
three articles
I find
say we're number
one and then
they start
seeing articles
that say
US shows
they're falling
behind
the world
and I'm
like
alright
well who
is deciding
oh so now
New Zealand
is not
number one
no more
okay
so like
the one
that says
we're number
one
comes from
the US
news and
world report
BAV group
in the Wharton
schools
when was that
this is
2022
or 2020
and I got
one that says
they took
comparing test
scores
rankings falling
behind the rest
of the world
2022
they'd give
some tests
to 15 year olds
and according
to that test
we're 11th
out of 79
countries in
science
much worse
in ranking
ranking 30th
but like I said
when you type
in here
like
United States
number one
education rankings
by country
world
I don't know
like who's
making
who's
who's
putting this
together
probably the
education group
of the United
States of America
number one
I gotta wrap
this up
it's already
four o'clock
uh
Ali
tell everybody
how to get
a hold of you
social media
your specials
available
right now
it's on YouTube
it's excellent
um
the domino effect
and what your
social media is
okay
gotcha
hey it's
Ali Sadiq
you can go to
AliSadiq.com
and watch the specials
it'll take you
straight to YouTube
but you can type
in YouTube
Ali Sadiq
S-I-D-D-I-Q
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it's Ali Sadiq
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it's Ali Sadiq
and on Twitter
it's Ali
underscore speaks
you can find me
at all those spots
man watch the special
share the special
it's a fucking
great special
it's nice to be able
to say that right
yeah
it's available
for everybody
free on YouTube
alright
thank you
bye everybody