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Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, actor, podcaster, and author. He co-hosts two podcasts: “Your Mom’s House” with his wife, comedian Christina Pazsitzky, and “Two Bears, One Cave” with Bert Kreischer. He is also the author of “I’d Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays.” Watch his comedy series, “Bad Thoughts,” now streaming on Netflix. www.ymhstudios.com https://www.netflix.com/title/81740857
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Did you see that couple, what they did? Do you see that today? What? That, so Trump was talking about potential medicines. Yes. And then one of them, I don't want to say the name wrong, so whatever it, I forget what it is. I'll tell you exactly what it is. It's medication that you use on a koi pond to kill bacteria. That's the one that they took. Yes. But it's the same name. I think it's called chloroquine. The same name of it, but the one for the koi pond has like a hyphen and another name. The same name without the hyphen is actually a medication. It's a medication for malaria. For malaria, correct. That apparently holds promise. But they took koi pond, they fish tank medicine. They took poison. They took poison, that's what they took. And then they were like, he told us to take it. Yeah, but he didn't, you stupid fucks. No, of course not. And then they're like, we saw it in our cabinet. You think you have fucking malaria meds in the back of your pantry? We had it in the shed. We used it to kill everything in the koi pond and we figured, hell. Jed took it and he's dead. Well, the woman, they were talking to her and they said, now, it was funny because the reporter was baiting her. The reporter was like, now, this is, you saw President Trump say that you should take the, yeah, they were showing it a lot. That's what she said. They were showing it a lot. No, it's a different name. It's a different name. You fucks. It's the same beginning. And you just, I feel comfortable saying this public PSA, you probably don't have the cure at home right now. I feel comfortable with you saying that. Unless you just got back from somewhere where you had to take something from malaria. Yeah, maybe, man. Maybe, maybe you have it. Yeah, it's a different medication. But people are blaming Trump for that. Yeah. It's just like this game of trying to get clicks and blaming people for, like Trump did not tell people to drink koi pond killer. No, no, it definitely didn't do that. He's been hilarious in this. Well, did you see that one lady? I was talking about this earlier. There's this one lady who is getting, she has an opportunity to talk to Trump in a press conference and she said, did you hear that one of your, one of the members of your cabinet referred to it as the kung flu. You know, and he's like, the what? Say that again. And she goes kung flu. So he makes her say it. And then he goes, who, who said it? And well, I heard someone of you, you heard. This is the one question you have to ask the president of the United States during one of the biggest health crisis is the world has ever known. And you, a mildly racist term is what you want to check in on. Yeah, they want to stop to that. They want to get them to call people out. Yeah. He did a thing. It must have caught up though, because yesterday he read a statement that like, I love our Asian Americans and well, it's because he kept referring to it as the Chinese. Oh, I know. I know. Chinese virus. He scratched down on his report. I saw it. Yeah. He wrote Chinese. Chinese. He said Corona virus. Chinese. And I understand that's also because he's in fierce negotiations with China over these trade sanctions. There's a lot going on. And he's a combative dude. Yeah. And he'll take any chance to. So the same lady did it with Kellyanne Conway. Same thing. Same question. Yeah. And, and, you know, and she's like, I'm not going to get into speculation here. About who said it. Yeah. But you don't know who said it. You just heard someone said it. And then, you know, this lady didn't know Kellyanne Conway's husband's half Asian. Right. So her kids are quarter Asian. She's like, I'm sure you know, like you're not saying that I'm racist or Asian. My children are Asian. Yeah. Like, what are you, what are you doing? Isn't that marriage kind of interesting? Oh, yeah. It's hilarious. I mean, he's the most outspoken critic. He hates Trump. Beyond hates. Beyond hates him. And she's his most ardent defender. Yeah. It's crazy. How do you guys go to bed at night? Some people can. Some people can be like liberals and Republicans and live together fine. Some people can be like hunters and vegans and live together. They're both so vocal about their positions. I don't understand how they're like, anyway, what do you want to eat? Like, it's fucking crazy. By the way, how great would it have been if Trump or Kellyanne Conway had been asked about the kung flu and they're like, are you going to say that's not a funny term? Yeah, it would be great. It would be kind of great. Look, if it was an Italian virus and they called it the pasta virus. I mean, would people really get mad? No, probably not. What would they call it? The meatball? What would be the thing? Yeah. The pizza virus. I don't know. Yeah. Rigatoni virus or Parfadeli virus. It's just I don't know, man. I've read a terrible thing that one lady said that some lady, she's Asian and she was at a store and some lady yelled. She had a mask on. She yelled, fuck you at her interface. And then she took off her mask and coughed at her. The Asian lady? Yeah, coughed at her and yelled, fuck you at her. See, that's when all the racial jokes stopping. Yeah, they all just went out the window right there. Yeah. Because there are legit morons out there that would blame an Asian American, a person of Asian descent living in America that has zero to do with any of this. And she'll be like, fuck you, because there's people just looking for an excuse to blame whatever on someone else. And if it's an Asian person or a Latino person or whatever the fuck it is. Or all the fucking posts. You remember post 9-11, all these poor Sikh people that were being targeted? Yes. Yes. And they're like, you fucking Muslim? And they're like, I'm not Muslim. It's bad enough that you're doing that, but I'm not even the target of who you're trying to reach here. Just think turbans. Everyone will determine as Muslim, you fucking idiots. Because we forget the world's full of idiots, too. Those are the people you really got to worry about. It's, you know, I don't want people to die from this disease. Of course. But I would like us to lose a significant portion of our moron population. It'd be cool if it prayed on low IQ individuals. They're like, all these dummies keep dying. Not just low IQ, because there's some low IQ people that are really nice. But it would be great if it was low IQ people who are mean. Like if there was a disease that only killed racists. Just like open mouth breathing people. Something about racism just it just kills people with racism. Like there's a gene and it targets that gene and people who are racist, they just drop like flies. There are a lot of older people dying, so it might be working. It's definitely killed a few racists in this last few weeks. Imagine if that's like something that people focus on. Here's one silver lining. All these old grand wizards are gone. We went into the Facebook pages of all the people who died and 64% were racist. That'd be awesome. That would be a nice silver lining. Yeah. But what about the other, you know, 36? Yeah. Just nice old grannies. It's terrible. They love their neighbors. It's terrible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's one of those things where you can't even crack a joke because then people. Oh yeah. What about this person and that person?