9 months ago
Bert Kreischer is a stand-up comic, podcaster, and actor. He's the host of "The Bertcast" podcast and YouTube cooking program "Something's Burning." He's also the co-host of the "2 Bears, 1 Cave" podcast with fellow comedian Tom Segura. Look for his new movie, "The Machine", on May 26.www.bertbertbert.com
By the way, money might be fake now. Money might be falling apart, right? How many banks have collapsed now? Wait, it's happening today? I don't know. I was trying to follow up. How many banks have collapsed? At least two, correct? There's at least two. It might have been three. And I don't know what happened today with the... I was on a plane with a guy who was talking about this yesterday. So the Silicon Valley one collapsed, right? And so a bunch of Silicon Valley... This is like 2008 all over again. I don't know. See, this is part of the problem with being financially ignorant, which is I am. I don't know. And also being friends with Alex Jones, which I am. So I get all these videos about the fucking... Perfect storm. Prepare yourself to the end of the world. Oh no, Alex. Why are you freaking me out? I saw...I was on a plane the next week yesterday and said that today's a big day. I felt that it's coming down where everyone's gonna fucking dial if the fucking thing collapses or we get bailed out. Well, apparently there was a big run on the banks today too. And people were showing up at the banks trying to withdraw money. Which scares the fuck out of people. When that kind of stuff happens. That's how Hitler became fucking... Prime minister, whatever, dictator. Is he fucking... I've watched this thing, How to Make a Dictator on Netflix. Have you seen it? Oh, it's fucking awesome. I'm so obsessed with history podcasts and history dictators and whatnot. Do you know who Turk Manbashi is? No. Joe, this is the most fascinating fucking guy in history, right? So Turk Manistan, I think is the name of the country, was part of the USSR. And when the USSR collapsed, he got it. This guy who was just a premier and worked, he got the whole country. And he went around and changed rules like fucking crazy. He was a dictator, but he was like, he added months so that he didn't get old faster. He changed the names of the months. I mean, he was a fucking lunatic. He said, you know what? He goes, you know what? Here's the problem. Old people are losing their teeth because they're not eating enough bones. And they're like, bones? He goes, you ever see a dog with missing teeth? No, because they eat bones. So everyone needs to start eating bones. Did that guy make sense? Turk Manbashi, I have this podcast that I listen to, it's called The Dictators. And it is one of the most, that one podcast is the most fascinating, but I'm obsessed, man. I listen to Hitler, Stalin. Somebody was talking about the How to Make a Dictator documentary on Netflix the other day. I think it was on the podcast. It might have just been a conversation I was having. Was it on the podcast? Who was it? Do you remember? But they were saying, you're literally putting up a guidebook on how to become a dictator. People could watch it and figure out how it's done and then replicate it. It's identical, by the way, to how to get famous. I mean, it's the fucking exact same thing. You'd be shocked. Wow. I wouldn't be shocked, though. Right? A lot of famous people become like dictators. It was the Stephanos, that's what I thought. Yeah, the Stephanos. Oh, he's a history guy. Oh, he's a real history nut. He's a history guy. We used to do history hyenas with Giannis. Yeah, that was fun. Yeah. Yeah, history is fascinating when you think that it'll never repeat itself again. You know, like, oh, that'll never happen again. Like, I used to think that about war. Oh, we're done with that. You know, and now look. Dude. And the bank thing is fucking... So what is exactly happening? Is this something we need to be concerned about? I watched the news yesterday to find out, and the news said, no, do not worry. Oh, well, then I'm worried. Now I'm fucking worried, because they've been wrong about everything. These cunts. My uncle called me in 2008 when the housing crisis collapsed, and he was fucking terrified. My uncle's one of the smartest dudes I know, and he was like, this is going to be real bad. There was a house that I used to live in, and the next door to me, there was a lot that this guy had bought, and he was planning forever to build his dream house. It was a nice lot, and it had a good view. It was beautiful. And so I would go out there, and like, it was like 2009, I would go out there, and there's this old guy, and he would just be raking. And I would see him, I would wave to him, and then one day I just said, let me just go talk to that dude, see what's going on. Because it was, you know, are you going to build? Look what's happening. I was gunna, but I lost everything, because that 2008 thing, I lost everything. I had plans, I had a house, and so I'm just sitting there with this dude who's probably, at the time, 70, 75. This is the last years of his life, and he's just raking this plot of land that was going to be the place for his dream house before the 2008 collapse. And he just realized, like, man, the real victims of all that financial malarkey, the real victims of all that fucking corruption and deregulation and all the chaos that led to so many people losing their houses, and so many people losing all their money, this fucking God just raking his thing made me so sad. Tim Dillon did that to him. Tim Dillon. Tim Dillon did that to many people. He's like, ahh, what was I going to do? If it wasn't me, it would be somebody else. They were going to blow it on pills and women anyway.