Ms. Pat: I Would Do Joel Osteen!

I'm telling you, it's like that peanut butter that they used to send to the ghetto to choke niggas rolls out. What? I love you. Well, I love you too. What did they do? That peanut butter that they used to send to the government used to give black people peanut butter to choke them out. Because they didn't want to choke them out. They think I have peanut butter. You had to heat it in the microwave, you had to heat it on the stove like you had to cook a strum or egg before it was thinned out. So you could spread it on the sandwich. Really? Yeah! Then they found out later on they were going to kill us. It was thick as fuck. It came in a canyon. The government peed on the googly. There was some dude on Instagram who was in school, some kid in school, and they feed him cheese sandwiches for lunch, and he was lighting the cheese sandwich. He was like, look at this cheese. Look at this shit. He's got a lighter too and it would not melt. It was just turning black. It was just getting black from the smoke from the lighter. It was not melting. It wasn't cheese. What the fuck kind of cheese is this? Yeah. That wasn't real cheese. There's this parts of America that the government ignores, right? Yeah, me. Yeah. Yeah. So you got through. I got through. You made it through the net. Yeah. But then they only come to you when they need your vote. They only come to the black pastors. They like black pastors. You know, that's why I don't go to church. I tell them all the time, I tie that church is chicken. You get more for your money. Church is chickens better. Yeah. Yeah. $2 Tuesday, get your two piece of chicken and a biscuit. What you talking about, Joe? Believe that Popeye's alone on Tuesdays and go to churches. Yeah, but did they have the spicy? Yeah, they got spices now. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's the thing that Popeye separated from everybody else. I'm not getting no pasta. I'm getting my money. Good for you. And riding out there. I mean, hey, the Bob is free. They in every hotel. Just tell the Bob out of the hotel like everybody else used to. Yeah. I'm not going to give you my money. Then you out here buying jets and shit and I'm struggling. Exactly. Then you fucking the hoes in church. You ain't even sharing the hoes in church no more. They're fucking the hoes in church? Oh, yeah, they be so fucked. You know. I don't know. I don't go to church. The hoes go to church with no underwear on. Who? To get the pastor. No. Oh, fuck the first lady. They don't care about the first lady no more. Really? Yeah. They don't care about the past. They don't care about the past. The past is where no underwear in church to lure the pastor. Yeah. Really? Yeah, they must. The pastors is sexy as fuck. Remember back in the day. Well, you might not remember because you white, but back in the day, the pastor. Back in the day, the pastor was ugly. All the pastor were ugly like TD Jakes. They was unfuckable, but now they all sexy. Oh. Then they all sexy. I mean, everybody want to fuck the pastor. You know, that's what they said they made when they made Catholic preachers become celibate. One of the reasons why the man becomes celibate is because the Catholic preachers were banging all the ladies. Really? Yeah. They were like rock stars because they were the ones who had the word of God. And this was before anyone could read the Bible because it was all in Latin. So they did not read Latin. So they relied on these priests to read it. Look at Joe Austin. Yeah. He's fuckable. Oh yeah. I would imagine so. Yeah. Do you think you get some? I give him some. And not in Jesus name either. No one's sexy. Joe Austin shit. I don't even do white men. I would do Joe Austin in the poor pit. Do you think he gets some? He got a wife. Yeah. But other than her, he gets them on the side. I'll be inside, bitch. Don't talk fucking with me about Joe Austin. Hey. And I let him call me that too. Wow. Look at him. Look at him. He killed. Yeah. And he ain't aged at all. Look at that forehead of hell. He's sexy. He worked out 50. I bet he does have a six pack, right? Yeah. He got a six pack. Was that his wife in the upper right hand corner? Go back. 56. Looks good for 56. For a white man. Is that his wife? She's hot. Yeah. She has some plasticers too. What's his call? What's it say? It's his wife. Kapow. I like that, Joel. Joel is good looking. He's got a goddamn arena. Yeah. All churches got a... They are the new drug dealers. They are the new pimps. Remember pimps had holes and they go on the corner and slap their holes and get their money? Yeah. Well, the church is like that now. That's all it is. He does it in Vegas at the same arena where the UFC plays. I thought he was in Dallas. He goes all over the place. He goes on the road sometimes. Oh yeah. They go on the road now. I think he's in Houston or Dallas? Somewhere in Texas. Houston. I stopped. He also does giant arenas on the road. He does the T-Mobile Center where the UFC plays. Look at that. The size of that place. Nah, you can keep that. How many of those bitches in the audience have no underwear on? Probably 60%. Damn crazy. Joel, I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped. I stopped going to church when they started charging for meals. I don't fuck with no church. Oh my God. I can't breathe. You ain't noticed that. I didn't know that they were banging on many. Go to church and smell the front row. What does it smell like in an oyster bar? Yeah. It smells like ovulation. Ovulation. Yes. They try to, hey, that's how you have a baby by a man like Joe Osteen. He can play child spoke on time. Yeah, I would imagine if you're the type of person that wants that much money, right? You want that much money. You want private jets. You want big houses. You're going to want some extra pussy. Hell yeah. He gonna get tired of banging the same plastic face white woman. She look good. Yeah. But he's gonna get tired of it. But he wants somebody like me with the titty that move on the inside. Move on the inside? Yeah. You know, I got the real titty, so my shit go all over the place. Oh, and hers are. Yeah. They just firm. They just one position. That's weird that people like that. They're like, I'm hard and I got them to you got to pick up and dust off. Slap around. No, it does because everything I keep calling my bra. Oh God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.