Mark Normand's Corporate Gig From Hell

You've mentioned corporates. Did you do any? No, no. Oh, man. Thank God. Thank the baby Jesus. I did a gig at the cellar. This guy showed up and he goes, I like your stuff. You're edgy. You're raw. Come do my country club. Come roast my country club. I was like, oh, great. So he's like, he gave me a sheet of like all his employees and all their dirt. And he's like, really zing them. Really make it vicious. They always say vicious. And I show up and it's like Mercedes and, you know, Benz is everywhere and Maserati's. And I'm like, oh, shit. White tablecloth. I go up and I do the mic tap. Hey, everybody. I'm gonna do some comedy. And they go, he's gonna roast everybody. Sit back. He's got a cigar and a suit. And I go, hey, Bill. And Bill stands up and I go, we all know you're on coke. We've seen it. And Bill's like, what? And his wife's like, oh, my God. You're supposed to be clean. And I'm like, all right. Well, that didn't go well. And I'm like, hey, Jeff. Jeff, we all know you're cheating on your wife. And she's like, I knew it. You know, and the kids are crying. And, you know, Ron, we all know you're gay. Just come out already. And this is all the shit he gave me. And the place, you know, the place is in a, in a, in a brew. And I fucking the guy came back. He's like, get the hell out of here. So that was tough. True story. I would imagine you would have double checked. Oh, I just use what he gave me. This is all I knew. That seems so ridiculous. That guy's, you know, did you ever communicate with him after he was furious, furious. He was pissed at me. He's like, what happened? I'm like, what do you mean? What happened? I did the shit you gave me. You said be vicious. He, because he's like, I thought you'd make it funny. I'm like, I just said the shit. I made jokes, but I still had the dirt. It was bad. I tried to do a couple of, you know, jokes after about taxis and, and peanut butter, but it didn't fly. Nothing? No, they were, they were just yelling at each other. They were ruined. The whole thing was ruined. I ruined the whole party. Did you get paid? I got paid. I had to fight with the guy. Really? And it was a solid check, I might say. Nice chunk of change.